30 things I learnt at 30, and a note to my younger self
I wrote this during the lead up to my 30th at the beginning of the year but had a few things to accomplish before I could publish. Finally, I’m there and with full confidence and conviction...
the thirty things I learnt at 30! This is an ode especially to my sisters and things I wish I could tell a younger me. And things I’m glad I have come to internalise, live and breathe in preparation for someday raising a daughter iA
Life and time pass either way, do that thing you’re nervous or afraid to do. There is never too old, there is never too late, there is now and there is this limited time we are given, the time will pass regardless, so spend your time, or at least moments of that time, doing what you want.
Our lifetimes aren’t especially long, you’ll blink and the years fly by, but, it is still a long time so don’t settle with how you spend that time, or who you spend that time with.
You don’t have to settle for lukewarm, or the bare minimum. You deserve bubbling joy, softness, safety and warmth to look forward to everyday. Yes, there is a comfortability in the familiar, but don’t be a martyr in the own narrative of your life. Accept and embrace the joy you deserve. I promise there is SO much better out there.
The one person guaranteed to stay with you your entire life, is you. Love yourself, learn who you are, what you like and dislike, what brings you ease, what disturbs this ease. Work on yourself, support yourself, carry yourself, love yourself. You have to stay with yourself until your last breath. Your relationship with yourself (After God) is the single most important relationship of your life. Nurture it.
It’s never to late to walk away. From a job, a path, an attachment, a person.
Your body knows a thing before your brain catches up sometimes. Listen to it. That uneasiness in your stomach is telling you something. The sooner you listen, the sooner you can act on it. (I’m not talking about your lactose intolerance, but it could also be that!)
Be the person you needed when you were younger. Whether it’s a big sibling, a maternal figure, a mentor, a confidant, a listener, an encourager, a scalder, be that person you wished you had when you were younger.
Master the art of listening and listen more than you speak. And in the moments you’re quiet, question am I simply waiting to speak or am I really listening?
Everything always makes sense in hindsight. I PROMISE.
Work work work on your growth and emotional maturity and intelligence. If you have done zero work on yourself, you have zero business thinking the world and its people owe you anything. Do not disturb the peace of another when you yourself aren’t at peace with yourself.
Curate the life you want and deserve. From the things you wear, eat, consume, the people you surround yourself with, the spaces you occupy. Decide who you want to be, and be them.
Your body is entrusted to you from God. Don’t be lazy. Look after it. It’s going to carry you throughout your life until your very last moments. Take care of your body. Pump your lungs with air, push your heart to race, stretch all the muscles, dance, run, jump, spin, twirl, rest, jump some more. Your body isn’t designed not to be used.
Being in love is one of life’s greatest joys and blessings. Enjoy it. but protect yourself and heart, please.
Humans are not created to be individualistic. Find your tribe. There is a community for everyone. Sometimes it’s not the one we are born into. But you will eventually find one and feel at home. Until then, keep your heart open.
To my sisters, be weary of men. Even the Muslim ones.
But know that there will also be men who remind us this scary and sad world for women has hope. There is warmth and kindness and gentleness and protection and commitment and trust and joy and love, so much love, to be found. And we will have a handful we get to enjoy and spend time with, bicker with and belly laugh with. Remember this. Welcome them when they come.
Communication is everything. Master the art of communicating. Communicate effectively, and most challenges can be overcome. Fail at this, and it will be hard.
Don’t lash out on your loved ones in anger. If you do, be quick to apologise.
Things always seem better in the morning than they did the night before. When sad, go to sleep and rest your tired eyes, I promise things will be better in the morning and you can tackle last nights problems with a clearer head.
Rediscover the joys of your youth and revel in them as an adult. The nostalgia is an added bonus.
Learn basic life skills, how to sew a button, cook a handful of staple dishes, drive, assemble things, how to test the smoke alarm, being self sufficient is important and sexy. Do it!
Make to do lists. I don’t know how or why but they make productivity fun and satisfying.
Don’t eat in bed, change your sheets, no outside clothes, and bags on the bedding, make your bed a sanctuary and cosy home for you to rest your tired eyes, body and soul in.
Invest in your health. invest your focus, your time, your efforts. Once health is compromised, we will miss times we were in good health. our bodies are everything.
Enjoy the ease and peace that comes with walking away from dysfunctional situations, mindless debates, places, people etc. Choosing peace isn’t always easy, but I promise, you will love the ease that follows and wish you’d done it sooner.
Love your people hard. Let them love you hard too. Just love. It’s a verb, a doing word, so do it. This is what makes the world go round. Truly.
Read up on boundary setting, narcissistic abuse, gaslighting, manipulation, bread crumbing, orbiting, love being used as a tool for abuse, tell others when in situations linked to the mentioned. Abusers tend to want to isolate you, it’s your loved ones/sisterhood/community who will hold your hand out of this shit.
Study hard, get your bag up, have a support network outside of your partner/family, get your finances in order, travel and live pre marriage, you deserve it, and you want to create stories to look back on and tell your kids so they too can live a fulfilled life!
Most importantly, remain close to your Lord always. You’re nothing without Him and He is your forever. Nothing else matters. Wallah. If anything takes you away from Him, drop it and run back to your Lord, again and again and again. He is always waiting for us and loves us more than we can fathom.
