I had my first panic attack in almost two years yesterday and my bestfriend talked me through my emotions. I feel horrible because she’s not a therapist, so I shouldn’t have put all that on her. I’m checking on her today to see if she’s okay. As for me, I’m not fully okay but I’m working on it.
This weight loss/health gain journey of mine is rooted from abuse I suffered in childhood. My binge eating is a result of wanting to be bigger and stronger than my abusers to protect myself. I wanted to get rid of my chest that was causing me daily pain and self esteem issues. It’s so much more than a number on a scale. All the number on the scale tells me is how much I weigh, not how far I’ve come mentally and emotionally, and even physically tbh. My body shape has changed tremendously lol. But back to the subject at hand here, I am healing and I was doing really great for a while but an accidental trigger occurred last night and I couldn’t handle it. I just have to remind myself that I’m safe, I no longer have to be larger than those who abused me, I no longer have to protect myself from them, and that my body is mine. I own myself, and I’m gonna be okay. So with this, my first weigh in of April is here, and I’m better than I was yesterday. If you read all of this, thank you. If you can’t, I understand. I know I have new followers so I wanted to open up a little so y’all know this blog isn’t just a motivational fitblr, it’s my overall health and my healing journey as well.
