#koffing time

[therangerunionoffical]

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

The Pokemon Ranger Union would once again like to remind all members of staff that providing civilians with pieces of certified Ranger Union equiptment is strictly prohibited.

Due to recent development, new security protocol for Ranger Bases has be issued. Failure to comply with the new protocol will result in disiplinary actions.

Finally, alterations to the Pokemon Ranger Ettiquete Handbook are as follows:

No Employee, Trainee or affiliate of the Pokemon Ranger Union may accept bribes or gifts from associates, stakeholders or civilians.

Any civilian found to be in possession of offical Pokemon Ranger equiptment will be subject to fines. The contraband item(s) will be confiscated in accordance with seizure of private property following regional protocols.

Thank you for your time.

[koffing-time]

Hiiii! I'm here to ask about your coffee >:D kinda!

Your café sounds like a wonderful place! I was thinking of heading out to Unova over the summer, and I'd really like to visit!! What kind of things do you sell? :0 like specific drinks, pastries, and the like! Any Pokemon safe stuff? (Sorry if you've mentioned all this somewhere before >^<)

~ Fable 📗 (@millennium-matcha-gotcha)

Hi there!

We have a lot of stuff, in general, so but there is no particular menu.

We have an assortment of different coffee blends and teas of course, but also some hot chocolates and similar stuff. Not to brag (actually fr to brag), everything you'd get at staryubucks, you can get here too! Rawstberry milkshake? We've got it. Pumpkin Spiced Caramel Frappuchino? We call it an Iced Latte with pumpkin spice and caramel, but we make those as well! Smoothies? I grow a lot of berries right here in the garden!

As for food, we have a different menu each day, because i make (almost) everything myself and i don't wanna make the same stuff every day. In general, we'll always have some standard poffins (batter+berries) as a pokémon safe option (but other stuff is usually pokémon-safe as well), and some muffins or cupcakes and of course some good ol' sandwiches. Sometimes i make Poképuffs, cakes, brownies and all kinds of pastries. Just... come and see what we've got :)

Oh, important addition, everything we offer is vegetarian and we have a healthy assortment of vegan stuff as well. I try my best to only buy pokémon-sourced things from reputable sources, i'd say about 80% of my ingredients come from people i know personally and i know who treat their Pokémon right. A lot comes from my parents farm near Lacunosa, but i also buy from some (more) local ranches and farmers of course.

I'd love to have you over!

[paldean-ranger-brandy]

alommom- fuck- alolo- shit- alomalo- the bigger pink one - can u spell stuff

- @kordf

- @koffogg

-@koffing-time

Pfffft which one of you goons sent this one?

Let's find out. I'm gonna give myself one shot to spell...the pokemon you are trying to spell. Right here right now.

Alomomola

...Sligoogled it. Fuck ya I spell so good

[paldean-ranger-brandy]

\\I send you this digitally since i don't have access to a physical fax machine to possess! But it is still valid!//

[a digital cupon code for a... Unovan... Donut chain.]

(@koffing-time )

Aw thanks little buddy 🖤 I'm gonna get myself out to Unova eventually. If I can get there before this expires it'll be super handy

[paldean-ranger-brandy]

[a photo: a shiny crobat is hanging from someones arm. It's completely limp, it's wings are hanging down. It seems to be holding on with... its mouth? There is a small trickle of blood running down its side]

ouch - @koffing-time

Ayo we got another one

Congrats on ur erpertise

[paldean-ranger-brandy]

[a medium sized package arrives, completely covered in duct tape. In addition, there is a large Koffing-sticker stuck to it.

inside is a box with a bakers dozen muffins, all in different wrappers with poison typed pokemon designs. They are also a different kind of muffin each.

There is also a letter. it reads: "Hiya Brandy! I don't have the best connections to hitmen on the dark web, but i still can bake! I hope you enjoy these muffins and it makes you forget a bit about your EMBARRASSING encounter with the MOST IMPORTANT person in the WHOLE REGION. - Tix (@koffing-time) PS: I gotta warn you, maybe i let one of my Pokémon follow your request.

Wait there's more! There is also a sticker sheet with a large pine-tree on it and multiple tree-dwelling Pokémon organized so it looks like they are hanging from the tree.]

So. I just ate a bunch of these. And they are delicious, but also when I got halfway through one of the trubbish ones I COMPLETELY passed out. Like, not just got super tired and dozed off, but collapsed onto the floor.

And I don't usually dream, but I did this time. Saw this really wack looking klawf. Like it was definitely a klawf, but it had eyes like a beldum and a weird colour body and it seemed to shift sizes depending on the perspective. Non-euclidean looking ass klawf. And I didn't like looking at it, but I was for some reason really desperate to get passed it and into the cave that it was guarding. Which is not like me at all, I HATE going into caves. I tried a few different ways in, and the weird klawf didn't move it just kind of...shifted reality to block me. And I was super upset because I couldn't figure out how to get in the cave, and then after a while I just started yelling out of frustration and it started yelling back in my voice and then the klawf just wound up one claw and fucking PUNTED me outta there.

And then I woke up on the ground. Took me a second to adjust to reality, but once I did I had to shoo Macaroon away from eating the rest of the muffins that had fallen to the floor.

So anyway. Not sure what that was. Probably just a really weird trip from one of your mons' poison or something. Probably.

10/10 your baking is well worth the risk of seeing the Death Klawf. And it DEFINITELY made me mostly forget about my embarrassment earlier today so. Yay.

[works-of-magic]

Which of your Pokemon….

👽 has the weirdest origin story?

(i'm being late to the party i know. Also sorry if this was asked before, i don't feel like going through the backlog to check :3)

@koffing-time

Hey, I'm a firm believer in "better late than never". You're good!

I actually did answer this one before!

Which of your Pokémon 👽 has the weirdest origin story? Oh, that one really depends on how you define "weird". Murky hated his flock boss and

It's hard to answer because... my team is like. Entirely Made of Weird. We all have a weird origin story, and they're not so much weird in degree as they're weird on different axis. (The first time I answered this has a whole list of which ones Might Qualify for Weirdest!)

Arguably the "weirdest" one for my team, relatively speaking, is the one I caught through normal means with a normal battle and a normal pokeball. That would be Excalibur, my Pidgeot! (Although, now that I think about it, the fact that there was a Pidgey out in the open in Sinnoh for a novice trainer to catch is kind of weird, too... hmmm.)

[professor-amaryllis]

[A package arrives, sealed with duct tape and a large Koffing-sticker.

Inside are a few items: 3 large sheets with stickers, two themed around poison type Pokémon, one with snake Pokémon. (You have a lot of ekans and arbok stickers now, but also steelix, sandaconda, bellsprout and others)

Under the sticker sheets is a box with a Yellow Bow on top. Inside are cookies with different flavours. Some are simple chocolate chip, some are with cranberries and some are with coffee flavor.

There are also 3 large jars and a small glass bottle. The first jar contains dried pecha berries. The second seems to be some kind of herbal tea, it is labelled with the word "Antinope". The last one is coffee. The small bottle has no label, but there is another Koffing-sticker, sized to fit the bottle, stuck to the stopper.

There is a letter as well:

"Dear Bellamy!

First off: Happy Birthday! I didn't know if you're celebrating but i thought i shouldn't crash the party anyways. Instead, I send you this!

A little explanation: You're probably aware that proper antidote is the best way to get rid of toxins in your system, but my Antinope-Tea is a very good remedy for the resulting feeling of general unease, nausea and stomachache!

The coffee is my personal favourite blend. I just hoped you have a grinder? The way it's treated makes it very strong. I think that's something for you, but be warned. You WILL NOT need as much as you usually do.

And the small surprise? I'm sure you can figure it out, you're a scientist!

Olivia also sends the best wishes your way!

- @koffing-time "

The backside of the letter has a printed picture. It shows Olivia, holding Rhubarb the Ekans like a sword, as Rhubarb is stiff like one. Olivia's stance is... questionable.

"PS: Rhubarb is doing very well! He's very playful and eats well. Sometimes i find him wrapped around my Arbok plush though, i think he misses Slinky sometimes.]

Tix! Sorry that this thank you note took a moment, the last couple days have been hectic. This is so much more than lovely! The stickers are so cute, and I'm always happy to try a new tea, especially one that can help with the near weekly poisoning incidents I tend to have to deal with. While I do not have a grinder I am sure I can get one as soon as I get home :)

It's always wonderful to get updated on rhubarb as well!! He looks happy and healthy, you're doing a wonderful job caring for him. Truth be told though, I thing Slinky misses him as well. I would love to schedule a playdate the next time I'm in the area! :)

Thank you so much, Tix, and my best wishes to Olivia as well!