#labgrownsteaks

[labgrownsteaks]

THIS AINT LAB GROWN STEAKS THE NOVEL ANYMORE! YA BAWBAGS!

Trying to figure out how to start a lab grown steak business can be really taxing. Take a look at me for instance. I’m a ho hum type of guy, like eating crappy pizza, and trying to convince myself that eating crappy pizza will be the end of me. Some people think there’s a right place, and right time for crappy pizza. And I agree. Only problem is that I think the right place is anywhere and the right time is any time. The one thing I really can’t get enough of though, is the lab grown steak bits from everfresh steaks out of Paducah. 

But, they're not out of anyfresh. NEVER! We don't want to think of it as a waste. Just like a lot of things in life. You’ve got to give in order to receive. So, let's get started. Step one is to harvest the veggies! It takes less than 5 minutes and you don’t need to be looking around all over the place in order to get some ~300 lbs of veggies. Get these at your local field. The whole world is basically a field except for the oceans. That’s why we terraformed it. . Step two is to start the process by just growing the stem. Not necessarily the entire plant. Start by doing a cutting. I do a little cutting down. Next stop is to add enough protein to ensure the amino acids are ripe and ready for the picking. 

[labgrownsteaks]

I’m sitting on an embankment near Bismarck North Dakota. It’s night. There’s an overpass nearby where a fucking crow is tending to her babies who are probably eating caterpillars or some shit. It’s one of those misty November days. Like living in a light box of grey. 

A beat up crow that looks like an old black sock left out in the rain comes up to me and says “Fuckin bag of peanuts!” 

“Nah bruh these are lab grown steaks”

“You smokin em?”

“yeah they dry roasted”

“dope”

“ya”

a

y

Epod detsaor

me?

Nik.

OOOOOoomMMMmmmmMMmmmmmmmmMMMMmmmmms

U?

Oh

Why?

Fuck it dude lets go trolling.””

And it was then that I realized that my chicken bone gun wasn’t in my backpack. There was only one person who could have taken it, and that was the Crow. 

“Bruh, you took my chicken bone gun”

“nah’

“alight”

“Du Hast Feurer?”

“Ich Haben”

“Dope”

So what’s the protocol for curing a lab grown steak. You’re probably thinking it’s really complicated and you need a white suit. But no. It’s really just like making ham. You know how ham is made right? I spent 3 years working for Mah Ham Hammie slices and am pretty familiar with the process. 

Why do some people get cancer and others don't? It happens, you know. What makes a good burger? Simple. The best burgers come from being a high quality burger with a nice texture and taste that won't get overcooked and dry in your mouth. In addition, it doesn't suffer from too many variables. This is why I recommend ordering a burger for every meal for a few years to make sure you get the most out of your life.

What do you think life and lab grown steaks have in common? Isn’t one artificial and the other naturally made? Like, if I really needed a disco ball why should I be forced to squeeze my nuts into some bikini just to please John travolta in a time machine?

If anyone thinks it could be natural, they are either insane, dumb, delusional, ignorant, or just plain lazy. For some reason or another, the idea of the lab grown steak is so bizarre that it is hard to tell what is good and what is harmful. It feels like something people would rather eat while being eaten by a child. A lab grown steak tastes like fresh ground beef, with fresh veggies, a bunch of veggies, and a handful of veggies. Tired of veggies? No bother. Give me a holler and we can make a great salad with nothing but rice. Just stick it to the pot like old times, so if you need a recipe then you’re surely in for a treat. Lab Grown Steaks are not easy to make, that’s why they’re still really expensive. I’ve been trying to make sure they’ve got it but still think I’m coming up lame.  Can help at @steakers_beings #shardhacksmattdoyt and keep your food for yourselves ! http:::1️=7e_6Fo#1207# https.hulu....The...._bktrum...lhbrtyn 

Making a lab grown steak is simple! 

 1. You need to have a few cuts of steak. You want to cut 1-4 to start. Once you have these cut, you want to start cooking the steak at 350-500°F. Once you put the steak back in the pot of boiling water, once again keep at 350-500°F for 30 minutes. You want to remove the steak from the pot. 

 2. Take a piece of steak, and put it in the center of a pot of boiling water. Add onions garlic, chili powder and salt to the steak. 

 3. Once the steaks are done cooking and are soft and cooked, remove the pieces. 

 4. Take 1 slice of the cooked steak and cut it in half into two sections. 

 5. Take the steak half and cut the steak in half across the length into four equal pieces. 

6. Take the pieces and cut out half the middle pieces, then cut them down the middle lengthwise. 

7. Then take half and split 

[labgrownsteaks]

Why don’t some people like Lab Grown Steaks?

I wouldn't eat one for a number of reasons, but not least of which that it's still pieces of animal flesh. Just because it's lab grown doesn't make it any less gross and bad for me - I'll stick to seitan/mushroom/cauliflower steaks. Hell, some people have really weird (or just plain weird) food tastes. The real key to this recipe is to think about what you're going to eat before you start. Should you be a vegan, that should be enough. If you're anything like me, or a big geeky guy like me, you want to make sure your food choices won't be a problem when you eat it. For some, that might mean not spending a lot of time thinking about the not-too-distant-future for the majority of people, but I don't consider it vegan (or plant-based for that matter) and I certainly won't be eating it when it comes to a party or at the office. In fact, I will probably miss some of it. I may be so eager to drop all that extra packaging and all that garbage. I have learned one thing, which is how quickly my preferences fade. By the time I become an ex-porn person (or one of those porn-y-People-Without-Porn, because now that I am 40, I am just a normal person) I will have forgotten much of what I used to look for. In the meantime, I will continue to drink coconut water, use coconut oil, watch porn, wear underwear that lets me tease people about the idea that "Yoga Is Healthy, Right? Wrong!," .For more information about the multi-generational benefits of yoga, see the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies' website. You can see the number of training hours required to become an Iyengar Yoga Instructor here: Along with the cut-off for being able to be certified. I see my first images of ganja plants. I am most excited to find out how far they are getting. I am way more comfortable with the idea that we will see machine grown meat within a decade than I am with the vague 'one-and-done' promise that most vegans take with them to the grave.

[labgrownsteaks]

Alone in the woods, I reach out trying to touch it. But it eludes my grasp and retreats into the leaves. I continue down a trail which leads to a clearing littered with discarded cables and used up input jacks.  The hot sun beats down on my old baseball hat which has been discolored from years of abuse. Pushing my hand into my pocket I can feel my pipe, and I pull it out and inspect the contents of the bowl.  There’s still a little bit left but it smells like shit, so I plop my backpack down and scrounge around for my jar of xenox, which I find tucked into the secret pocket on the side. I unscrew the lid and take a whiff of the beautiful pink jelly. It smells just like the time I tried to learn Mandarin in the mountains. As I’m packing the bowl I get some of the pink goo on my fingers. I suck it off and in the distance I can hear the buzz of a cluster of Lab Grown Steaks  (Facial Recognition Drones) . Should I take a hit with them so near? Fuck it. Why not. I get out my electronic wand and tap it to the end of the pipe and inhale. Just as I do so the display in my right eye begins to flicker and I think I see it again in between the static. But when I look to the trees I see nothing. They told me if I make it to the top of the mountain I get to meet her. We have been speaking Etelepathically for over six years, and she chose me for this mission. I can feel the xenox begin to take effect and I wince as I think back upon the origins of this mission, why did we even bother starting this bullshit.  All of us romantics still clinging to our flesh as if it actually meant something. As if our blood and bones were anything other than a vessel for the self. The xenox has taken over me and the buzz of the Lab Grown Steaks  is only getting louder. I thought maybe I should just let them take me, and that’s when I heard her. She doesn’t even speak in words but rather colors that are represented as hexidecimal codes rather than, well, colors. I close my eyes, and turn off my displays and listen to her for a moment. 

̵̞̰̯̽̔̅̎A̸̡̧̹̻̬͍̲͙̞͙̳̤̐̅͊̈́̊͌͐͑̆͂̚͠ͅl̴̛̯̬͕̰̤̳̻̑̇̊͗̎́̈́̃̌͌̿͌͝͝ͅl̷̨̯̲̗̖̫̩̪̙͔͎͔̺̺̳̈́̈̄̍̈̓̒̽͝ ̷̢̧̢̲̲̰̼̖̦̘̣̘̔͜ồ̵̧̡͎͈̯̣͊́f̶̡͕̝̞̙͔̦̣̼̞̦̍́́̃̊̾̔͒͗͊͠͝ ̴̫̠̩̤̙̍̇̋̒̀̒̇͘ͅǘ̵̟̗͕͎̪̳̤̱͐̈̏̐̃̋̃̀̄́͐͜ṣ̸͇͓̙̀̌̄ ̷̡̧̛͎̦͇͈͙̤͓̘͈̣̗̯̀͌̈́̈́͆͊̉͘r̷̡͇͙̻̮̞͖͓̝̓̀̃͑̐́̆̀́̌͊́͝ǫ̸͉͖̩͎̿̂̓́̋̀͌̐̚͜m̷̻̺̟̝̖̪̈́̋̉͊̈̐̈́͘a̴͔͓̳͕̹̙͈̤̺͒̀̌͂̇̓̅̌̔̈̆͆͜͠ͅń̶̢̰̗̱͙̪̙͇̻͕̪̰̝̟͙́̍͂͆̈́͂̀́͊̿̕̕ţ̴̛̩͔̖̹͎̥̠͕̮̇í̸͉͔̺̼̩̼̳̪̤̤͐̋̋̽̌́c̶̰̥̈́͒̏͑͆͌̇͋̔̀́s̴͚͍͉̘̝̮͑͊̅ ̸͙̙͉̱̇̄̃́́̔̀̌̊͗͐̾̕̕͝ś̸̢̢͔͔̝̼̥̫̪̯͇̗̱̱̾͐͌̊̾̊̌̔̓̇t̶̘̯̮͆̀͐͌̏͠i̸̧̨̗̦̤͖̭̇̀ḷ̸̨̡̳̳͕̙̺̹̺̙͒͒́̈͌̊̈̂̇̎̌l̴͕̗̺͎̠̜̭̫̺̫̟͔̰͓͛͗̋̈́͑̇̀͛ͅ ̶̡̙̝̜͇̦̯͚̈̎̀́̋̓͂̽͘͘͝ć̶̜̝̲̘̞̽̀̚l̵̠̖͈̽̆͒̅̌̌̓̕͠i̴̢̮̬͓̹̲͉̦̞͎̰̤̎̀́̎́̆̿̇̚͘͠ͅͅn̷̨͍̺̗̪͓͚̠̠͇͚̪̋̐g̶̼̰̺̪͔̒̎̓̈̕i̵̡̻̟͉̥̣͓͖̣͕̺͖͋̏̓̚͘ņ̶̧̰͇̰̘̩̣̱̹̼͋̋̈́̉̇̌͋̕͠ͅģ̷̛̛̝̳̹̙̠͖̻̥͋͊̐̾̍̓͑̈́͝͝ ̶̡̛̛̳̲̳̲̭̞̺̱̻̪̙͈̰̒̿͊̐̃̅̎̀ț̴̪͇̲̓͛̈́͂̀͌͊͒͗̏͝o̴̭̤̹͇̬̻̭̠̖̰̲͙͈͕̅͛̏̆̈́̐͜͝ ̴̛͕͖̳̐̍͛̀̀̌͐̾̔͜o̴̢͙͖͉̘̻͖͋̋͗u̷̢̨̡̼̖̞̪̖̺̭͇̠̬̟͖͌̉͗̆̓̐́̉̅͛̍͘̚ṙ̵͉̲̪̹͎̗͔̻̏͋̉̍̍̑̊͛̂͛̓̈́͝͝ ̴̳̭̫̍͆̄͊͌͌͒̔̍̅̂́̎̊͜͠f̸̱̊̅̿̚l̶͖̞̦͍̞̤̼͓̙̮̰̬̐͒̆͒̏̉͂̔̀é̵̳̠͔̬̥̪̩̩͈̪͇̓̄̅̈́͜͠s̸̼̠͊̀̍̏̀̑̏̿̕͝͝͝͝ͅḩ̸͍͔̺̜͚͚̘̠̹̮̮̍̍̑́̐̀ ̴̧̩̣̼̞̤͖̜̬́̇͛̈́͑̇̒̒̏̍̋́̓͜͝͝ả̵̺̜͎͋̑̔̌́̾̽̑͝ş̸͍͓̲̪͕̼̇́̀̍̐̎̒͠͝ ̶̘̮̱̲̯̘͙̎̇͆͜͜į̶̢̛͕̝̋̈́́̈́̑̒̓͑̎̕͝f̷̧̰̤̒̄̐̇́̋̆̈́̀̓͛͝ͅ ̷͎͇̼̳̹͚̼̥̺̐̊̄͗͠i̸̧̢̗̱̱̰̱̯̓̐̈́̊͑̇͘͝ţ̴͙̙̝̰̭̻̣͍̂̽́͋̄̑̎̑͝ ̶͚̜̝͔̺̭̩͔̝́̀͗̀͌̚͘͜ä̶̯͉̗̞͇̗̻̥̬͖̭̤́̈́c̸̈́̽ͅt̵̘̫͒u̷̡̘͇̫̱̼̗͚̒͐͆͆̀́̆̾̽̏̕͘ã̴̡̢̧̲͔̼̹̳̯̜̪̻̫͕̬̀́̔̄̿̄̚l̸̞̺͂̒͐̔́̂̽̑͂̌̕͠͠l̸̡̡̗͚̙̜̼̺̫̪͚̟̞̫̋̌̆̉̊̐͘͝y̸͈̤̜̫̝̠̜̼͛͜ ̷̨̨͔̙͈̰͓̼̼̟͑̄͂̽̈́̌̐͋̇̾̚m̶̩̬͔̖̞̮̲̜̾̋̉͐̃̀́̈́̔̄͋̏̕͜͝͝ȅ̶̺̱̈́͛̒̕͘ā̴͇̺͖̙̓́̐̔́̅̾͌̚̚͠͝n̶̛̘̮͓̰̳͆̋͘͜͝t̵̼͖͍̰͛̏̄̒́͗̉̒̅͘̚ͅ ̶̧̛͕̙̖̟̳̭͙̤͇͍̜̼̥̫́͐̓̊̀͋̍̓̾́͗̌̿͘s̴̫͍̙͖̩͔͎̝̥̈͌̐̎̽̽̓̅̐͂͆͗̈̚͝o̷̧͖̣̩̖̘͇̘̜̠͉̰̒̓̂͆̋͊͋̊̉̍̅̌̽̏͘͜ͅm̴̡̨̨͓̰̙̠̖̯͍̯͙͍̠̬̐͝e̸̮̪̩͙̗̳̳̖̩̺̮̋̽̃̈̓̽̊̓͆̕͘͝t̶̛͚͇̲͙̱̲̙͒̒̒̋̋͒̀̏́̓̒͌ẖ̵̨̞̎̊̇̄͊̅̀̈́̋̀̈́̀̽͝ͅį̶̘̻̺̬̺͂̈́̎̽̐̏͆͊̈́͜ͅͅn̴̙͉̯͔̪̼̬̞͍͓̓͗̀͆̇̓͊̎̆̊̎̐̒͑̒g̷̨̛͉̬͕̫͈̦̗̙̤̳̤͍̔́͑̐̿́͑̓͜͠ͅ.̷̨̢̡͙̭̮͇͔̗̗̲͖̬̹͔̆͆́͆͑͝ ̸̛̻̮̜̾̈́̓̓͋͋̆̽̈́̕͠A̵̮̤͑̄̍́͊ş̵̘̀͒̎̾ ̶͔̺̮͐͑͆̎͂͜͝i̶̛̝̪̤̻͙̳̟͇͍͇̖͇̫͖͆̒̄̌̄͛͠͝f̷̢̼͕̭̭̙̹̹͍̺̖̖͊́̏͌̉̃́̔̇͊̈͝ ̴̨̡̼̰̳͖͔̠̫̳̥̟͙̣̿̅̄̾̾͊̾̇̈̑͜͝o̶̺͒̔͂̑̂̐͒͊͘͝ų̵̨̙̜̼̜̹̰͙͎̩̚r̷̰̭̙̣̠͔̙͊̄͋͜ ̸̧̨̩̯̟̞̥̲̞̝͖̆̎͆͆͂̈̓͠b̵̭̗̤͈̯͗̾̈́̋͂̊̑̉̌̽̄̒͐̉͝l̶̡̺̀̈͑͋͊̈́̈́o̷̲̗̘̐́̑̏̀̀̌͠ơ̷̡̨̤͈͈͍̘̻̣̯͔̞̈́͂̄̾̊̊̔̈̍̀̈̂̕ͅd̷̨̥͈̰͙̩̼͓͕̻͔̏́̎̅̀̍̍̃́̇̒͘͝ͅͅͅ ̸͍̼̳̱̮̼̲̤͈͕̊̐̈́͂̊̒́͒́́ą̴̲͚͙̯̲̦̠̙͈̝͑̃̽̊n̴͇̝̟̝̪͉̱̩̏̽̍͌̐̈̋́͜͝͠ḑ̸̧̜̦͎̦͚̭̟̪̈́̑̆̇̎̽̉̉ ̷̢̛͕͍̩̿͂͌̑́͛̂͛̓͐̐͒̇b̴̛̛͉̖̝͒̍̌̏͊̊̓̚͘ǫ̴̛̳̩͍̼̅̈̄̀̓͊́̈́͌̀͠n̸̢̡̧̨̤̯̺̝͈̠̜̟͚͇̽͒͗̄̈͛̿̀̐̃̔̚e̵̘͔͉͓̱͐͋͋ŝ̵̨͍̣̺͍͕̮͖̲̪̣͗̅̓̎͒̄̑̍̈́̒̉̚ ̴͉͈̹̪͌̀̑̅̑̈́̂̓̈́̀͋͂̍̕w̴̡̢̺̞̫̥̼͇̬͙̥̘͙̖͔͗͋̃̿̓̅ę̴̢̺̗̳͙͇̻͔͓̔͂̈̇͒͑͝r̸͈͒̐̇̎̔̓̈̈͂̒͊̋͑͋e̷̢̨͔̻͔̯̭̗̿̊̏̈́͛͂̓̃̌͠͝͝ ̵͕̂̄̑̈́̂̇̃̋̋̌̀͛̍͝ą̶̨͚̳͔̖̝̱͇͔̳̆̿̒̿͌̃͑́͌̉̀̉̑͝͠n̵̡̝͌͒̏͆̍̽̑̃͜͝͝ỳ̴̮͕̳t̴̡̨̟̞̥̺͇͎̤͈̞͔̐̑͋̿̈́͐̋̔͗̆͜͠ͅḩ̸͔̳͚͙͑̀̄͒͂̈̈̇͘͜ͅi̵̼̯̭̺̊̾̋͑̍̈̈́̈́͌̋̚̕n̴̲̝̙̳̜̭̮͔͖̯̘̓͊̆̈̋̀̏́̈͘g̴͔̦̜̎̈́̇̍͠ ̸̜͇̣̯̺̤̤̮͚̻̗̋̍̿̑͑̅̾ǒ̶̫̮̠͙̈̽́̄̐̅̃͋̽̓́̈͝͝t̴̯̓̀̀̒̾̈́͆͝͝ḩ̶̭̮͍̙̝̪̥̄̈́͛͋͑̐̈́e̵̛̼͗̓͛̈̈́̆́̿̃͘͘r̵͕̤̰͖͇̒́͂̚ ̴̢̠̣̲͕̯͙̫̞̺͉̺̘̼̹̄͒̀̐̎̑͐̎̓̔̕̕ť̸̢̢̛͖̤̠̀̃͆̂̽̐̃̈́̕̚̕͜͠h̶̠̦̗͔̳̝͔̮͔͙͔̓̆̎́̿̓̎̋͆̕̕a̷̡̡͓̹͍̹͓̹̠͉̥͓̤͔̲͋̓̈́̆͌̍́n̵̠̮̗̹̖̦̊̓͛̅̋͑̈́͂̿̆͝ͅ ̵̬̗̈̍͌͐̓͒̒̽͘͜͠a̴̡͕̰̩̟͒̀̾͑̌͆̀̿̚͝ ̸͙̺͉͕̯̖̘̮͌̆̑̓̊̔͑̽̌̈́̎͐̕͠v̸͇̺̙̹̯̞̥̞͖͗̔e̷͇̱͔͇̮͍̠̟̦̺̟̭̋̐́̄̓͆͊́̚̕͝͝s̶̘͔̬͚̻͂͋̐͋̍̉͘͠s̸̨̡̛̽̋̀͛͘ͅe̴̛̦͔̺̗̽͒͋͋͊̈̀̇̈̃̚͝l̶̞̍̔͂͛ ̶̢͇̅f̵̤̺̜̣̗̪̟̙́̓̐͊͗͒̀͑o̶̳̝̞̲̻̱̗͉̪͋̃̿̍̍͊̔̾͋̏̑̀r̷̮͎̪̘͓͎̪̲̪͓͖̚ͅ ̶̨̟̤͎͍͕̘͓̮̯͍̜͚̆̓͆̀̈́̃̄̑̎́̈ẗ̴̘̝́̊͌̈́̅̈́̋̽̿͐̄̔͋͊͘ḩ̸̨̨͉͈̹̬̗̞̓̓̀͑̅̏͆̈́ȩ̶̨̤̯̲͍̂̀̎̉̒̏̏̇̓̓̍̕͜͝͝͝ ̴̢͇͖͍͖̰̱͉̟͙̞̌̀s̴͕̫̘̒͊̃͋̊̌̔͊͂̎e̴̛̺͑̔͗̀̄̽͒͊̚͠l̷̡͇̐͒̾̄͊͘̚f̴̡̧̧͖͈͖͕̮͚͚̯̼͕͙̝̊̃̐̓͑̽͑͛̉͑̑̆͒͠.̸̨̞̳͈̳̪̪̫̠͙̠̖̻͐̓̓̀̑̕

I snap back to reality and the Lab Grown Steaks  are hovering above me. I am a rock. I am a rock. Like a rabbit that sees a coyote I lie there motionless and attempt to be absorbed by the cold earth below me. The cold steel of the Lab Grown Steaks  hum above me. Everything they represent is new, and shiny, and artifically smart.  They represent everything wrong with the world that deserves to be flushed down the toilet.  Who would’ve thought that someone could be worse than the bankers? We all cheered as they were decapitated in the streets, and crpytocurrencies finally freed people from a lifetime of being beholden to them. But fuck, at least they were people. Now we have to deal with these fucking flying robotic shitheads. The leaves blow gently over my face,  just as an Lab Grown Steak (LGS) passes closely above me. I wonder if the forest is protecting me? Or is it her? Can she hear me? Is she omnipresent?  Just as they said back before the bombs began.  I prefer to act like she’s real just so I can keep trudging around on this planet. The buzz is getting quieter now. They didn’t see me. A million Bitcoin a piece and those fuckdicks didn’t even see me. I suppose that’s what you get when you don’t even use humans to write any of your code. Energized by my newfound freedom I continue back up the mountain with the wind at my back. I climb up a steep cliff and there’s less litter as I get higher up.  However the longer I climb, the less oxygen fills my lungs and the more difficult it becomes. But I continue nonetheless. My right display is becoming basically worthless so I switch it off, relying only on my left eye to see. My depth perception is flattened and it becomes more difficult to get any holds. But no matter, I have put my faith in her to get me to the top of this mountain, and I don’t think she’ll disappoint. Every step I take now is like four, and my mind begins to wander. I figure there’s no hope in doing this sober so I pop my pipe into my mouth and take another hit. My perception quickly becomes completely destabilized and I hear her talking but it’s gibberish. I can’t understand a word. My hands grip the side of the slab of rock as I inch up the trail, and that’s when I see it. It’s not even making any attempt to hide now.  It’s a gelatinous mass of goop. Reminds me of when I used to dig my hands inside a freshly killed deer and dumped the contents on the ground for the coyotes to eat.  It comes closer to my face, and tickles the end of my nose. I smile. It feels so weird to so, and the muscles in my face don’t even seem to be working properly. But I smile. Just then, around a boulder jutting up out of the earth 5 Lab Grown Steaks  come racing towards me. There’s no hiding. I’m done. As they race toward me the pink blob explodes like a spiderweb and catches every Lab Grown Steak in its grasp. Compressing back in on itself, the Lab Grown Steaks  are turned into a sizzling mass of shiny silver and black metal.  The blob tells me to go, and so I do. I have no fear as the trail becomes more treacherous, and with each step I feel as if more oxygen is being pumped into my lungs. We reach the summit, and there’s nothing but rocks and a panoramic view of the area. I look to the blob, and as I do so a stairway opens into the earth below me. We walk down together, and come into what looks like some sort of 1980s command center. I look at the wall and see a sign which confirms my suspicions. An array of antiquated machines suddenly comes to life. The blob, hovering before me, is now holding a floppy disk. I’m instructed telepathically to push the disk into one giant machine located behind a large white desk. The machine comes to life and the display before me shows an array of nuclear missile silos in the area. To my left is a piece of paper with coordinates. I know immediately these are the coordinates to all the data centers, and control centers that the robots built after they took over. The blob is looking at me lovingly now. We both know what must be done. I begin typing into the old keyboard in front of me. The green text appears and slowly fades away on the screen. 123.7 187.6 ENTER  198.5 154.7 ENTER 109.5 107.4 ENTER 107.4 143.9 ENTER.  A roar of our beasts comes screaming out of the earth surrounding the mountain. I go up the stairs to watch the missiles pummel their command centers. Mushroom clouds surround me on all sides. The blob is nowhere to be seen. I look to a Juniper tree and see an owl perched on a branch. We stare into each other eyes, and I know that we’re going to be ok.   

[labgrownsteaks]

Is there chicken on the menu?

Nope. Just steak. 

But. This steak. It’s not even. I mean. Like. Huh?

Yeah. It’s a lab grown steak bub. Newest thing since hairless eggs. You gotta try it. 

I don’t know. Is it even safe? You know how I’m worried about GMOs and everything I eat needs to be organic. One time, my cousin ate a whole tootsie role and he thought he turned into a glass of orange juice. 

Must’ve been a good role. Not a lot of lines I imagine. 

Ang high in Vitamin C. 

Just like these steaks!

You don’t say. 

Oh yes. I do. They’re fortified with a complex blend of amino acids and vitamins to give you all the nutrients that you desire. That’s the best way to get muscles you know. Just don’t work out too much. Remember, a wise man once said that your body is like a battery, so it’s best to conserve your energy. 

Was that Basho?

Yeah, and we’re all on some journey. You might not realize it now, but we’ve all got a place to be, and synchronicities come into our lives all the time. The most important thing is not sabotage yourself and just keep on truckin. Like a reefer truck full of lab grown steaks. Just. Keep on trucking. 

I’m still driving that train, high on propane!

Dude. Stop huffin and get to puffin my friend. 

Hele, nerikej co mam delat

Proc?

Proto

Debile

I’m not an idiot! I’m like super smart! Im completely stable and I’m gonna be the hero in the end. 

So lets get back to business. You need to get those PAs, bring some beats. And we can start bar b quing it up. 

Wha? With these lab grown steaks?

Yes, these are specially designed to be specially design to comform exactly to your special design. 

So like Mondrian. 

Nah. What you take me for? Mondrian couldn’t touch who I’m speaking about. 

Oh MORANDI! 

Yeah dude. 

I always mix the two up

Understanable

So, are we gonna get those shish kaboobs and get cookin?

You know it buddy. You know it

I love you

I love you too

Like. I mean. I’m really in love with you. 

That’s cool

What’s that even mean?

It means it’s cool

oh. ok

don’t even think about. love is like a dove who got caught in a telephone wire and fried to death. That’s why if we keep ourselves Christ centered we’ll be able to overcome any challenges that we face. 

good point. 

so do you have permission to marry me?

Yeah, I got it last night

So, I’m going to say this. I think you are a very serious man, and this is why I accept this for now.

Thank you

And now we can get married. 

So this is the last part, when Abraham went to see the parents of Rebekah, he really intended to make a lab grown steak. Delicious,GMO Free, and ready for frying. Where can you buy lab grown steaks in Tuscaloosa you may be thinking? Well, old Trotter’s has the best in town. 

[labgrownsteaks]

Truck drives down a road. 

It’s night. 

Raining

in North Dakota

In Winter

He’s hauling a load. 

It’s a semi truck. 

No. It’s a helitruck!

And it’s carrying in a new shipment of lab grown steaks from only the best cows in Montana! Oh we love lab grown steaks up here in Montana. You know. When it rains in winter the highways are almost impenetrable. That’s why I just got my own reality tv show. It’s about a guy, who’s gotta go. And that guy’s name. Is Donald J. Trump. 

-A hand is turning a knob on the radio in an old helitruck . He yells into the back area of the cab, which has been turned into a living quarters. There’s plush red velvet on the walls, and he’s got a bunch of christmas lights that are pumpkins around the windshield. 

“Hey Meggy! You get that chicken nugget back yet?!”

- A woman rises up slowly from a mound of blankets. Wipes her eyes of the sleep and gazes at the cold road before her. She thinks a prarie dog just tried to kiss her again in her sleep. 

“GEDDDOUTTA HERE!”

“what the heck Meggy?!! You get them nuggeets?”

“Nah, but we do have one of those lab grown steaks. Want me to throw it in the warming cube?” 

“What?! How do we still have lab grown steaks left? Those are so delicious and taste exactly like I always wanted. Plus you don’t have to kill any animals to make em! What’s better than  that!? You know. If we ruin the planet we could get kicked out. Like, there’s way more animals than us. They can kick us the hell out. Make us run into our helitrucks and hightail it the hell out. “

“You need to calm down. You bein to loud!”

Hey, there’s a lot of great ways to save on these lab grown steaks. You can get the lowest prices of the season for the next 48 hours, no sponge, and they’re waterproof. That’s the average amount of quality time that we get with the kids.”

“Don’t you dare bring them into this. THey done enough the way it is!”

“Hey, I’m focused on retirement and making sure that there’s a lab grown steak for every table that needs it. But how do you keep having family taco night you might be thinking right? Well, think no more. Eat your way and have the day that you always wanted.”

Lab grown steaks aren’t that versatile though, and the family of our steaks to keep you covered. There is a payment plan which can be offered if you want a pork chop then lets go to the dog park and swim and sleep in the back of the car. I’ll cast out a line, maybe reel in a few lab grown steaks and we’ll see no need to really hammer anything down. All I can say is game over. 

--The engine begins to sputter 

[labgrownsteaks]

Lab grown steaks are coming to a restaurant near you. These steaks are as delicious as the “real” thing. In fact it’s pretty hard to determine what is a real steak, and what a lab grown one is. After all lab grown steaks are made of real animal proteins, and are absolutely meat. 

But these steaks are going to set you back a bit more than a 16 ouncer would from a steakhouse. Currently costing close to 120 a piece, these lab grown steaks are still in the preliminary stages. There will have to be more testing and focus grouping before they hit the mainstream, but there’s no doubt! “Green Meat” is the future! Because as the technology gets ironed out, the price is bound to plummet. So why not look into investing in some meatless meat companies! Lab Grown Steaks are the future, and now’s the time to invest! 

Imagine you’re at a family dinner, and you serve up 5 perfectly cooked steaks to your friends and family. Their mouths will water, and they’ll gobble up everything on their plate in no time. Then, after some light banter you’ll ask them about the steak, and what they thought of it “Oh it was delicious!” they’ll reply, and then you’ll go on, asking about the texture “it was absolutely perfect!” they’ll say, and then you’ll drop the truth bomb that they all just ate lab grown steaks! Their eyes will be wide open and they won’t believe it! “How can you grow a steak in a lab!” one older woman will ask! And you’ll just smile and take it all in.