I'm not sure if it's my last post but here goes nothing.
To my followers: Uhm. I don't know how to start this but thank you to the people who followed me, I don't personally know you all but I found your posts relatable. You helped me distract myself for a little and uhm, thank you. I hope everyone heals soon and gets better.. I wish you all the best, you guys were really cool.
You're a good and really funny friend. Thank you for staying with me (it's so random we met on AO3 over lmk and obsessing over nezha 😭😭 but I didn't regret it.) you were genuinely the best friend I could ask for and I'm happy to call you as my friend.
I'm really sorry for having some feelings for you. I know it's gross, and from the bottom of my heart, I'm. I'm really sorry. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I really feel ashamed for having such thoughts. I'm really sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I know sorry isn't going to fix anything but I mean it. It's weird. And. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for always scaring you with my addiction. I'm genuinely sorry for everything. I really hope you're not affected or anything.
I really wanna change for you, I want to be a better person, I want to be here for you, not scare you with my suicidal thoughts. No matter how hard I try, no matter I try to quit swallowing pills, it always comes back. The guilt keeps eating me alive and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm an emotional mess and I get sick when I talk to you. I feel disgusted about myself. I wish a pathetic worm like me could die for once.
Thank you for being here though, ily and just... Thanks for being my friend. You've been through so much and I really hate to burden you with my shitty thoughts. You're. You're the best. Please keep going.
To my friends: I have a lot so I can't rlly mention anyone 😭😭😭 ANYWAYS. I love you guys. Thank you sm guys. All of you are so kind and sweet. My life would be fucking boring if I didn't meet all of you. Please don't ever blame yourself because of my dumbass decision LMFAO. Thanks for everything and I'm sorry for being such a nuisance and bringing everyone a headache. Again, It's not your fault, you couldn't do anything to stop me from committing my suicide. It's just... Fucking me as always and I don't know how I can change shit. At this point, I've finally accepted my fate and I'm no longer afraid of death. I just. I'm really sorry about this.
I wish you all good health, please take care and tell my IRL friends I love them too and sorry for not visiting them for a while :'D
I think he won't see it? Idk I'm not sure. He doesn't really know English since it isn't his language.
But uhm. Thank you big bro ❤️ thank you for being here for me, thank you for reassuring me and telling me it's not my fault, thank you for being my caring old brother, genuinely thank you for everything. You mean the world to me. I'm happy you're my sibling, I'm really sorry for putting you through hard times. I know you're still tired after dad died and. I'm sorry for being such an annoying sister. I hate scaring you and I hate making you cry. I'm sorry. I'm just tired living like this while the cycle repeats itself. It's annoying. I know. Please forgive me.
You were the greatest sibling I've ever had, I love you. I just want my depression to be gone, but it's never going away. I'm stuck in a endless loop.
I hope you're doing well in the future. Please focus on your studies.