The lesson here is...
to do what's uncomfortable.
The more I feel like procrastinating, avoiding, talking myself out of it, the more I should pause, pay attention and steer myself towards action, in any way that works, no matter how weird it may be.
So far, it's been scheduling external appointments in which I have the outside pressure to show up (like events, interactive sessions, meetups, dinner appointments etc.), talking to myself ("you have the ability to change. you can become the person you want to be. everything is unfolding in the right way.) or watching content where I'm learning or steered towards the positive, productive mindset that I wish to embody but am being ambushed by my mental saboteurs (self-help girlies with minimalist setups, learning courses etc.)
House and cat sitting had been pretty healing, giving myself the space and time to get comfortable with solitude again, something which I had detested in my youths but yearned so achingly for in my current chapter, surrounded by people, my guts always clenched, constricted into illusory expectations I can't shake, staying hypervigilant about my behaviour, so much so that my true self stay tensed and locked in a self-constructed enclosure of my cavity.
Which was why I had taken to dance, street jazz in particular. Where it feels sensual, fluid yet there's structure and an edge to it. And I'm surprised by the amount of aspiration I've developed for it, followed by the investments I've made to learn this new skill. Regardless of how foolish I may look.
Perhaps its my subconscious inclination towards doing what's uncomfortable, in a domain totally unrelated to what's weighing on my mind, imbuing the quality of my days (seeking sustainable livelihood). Let's open our hearts (and legs) and see where this journey takes us.
