♦
guilt/ɡilt/
noun 1. the feeling you get the first time he drops to his knees for you makes your heart race and your bones ache and it’s days before the high fades and you realize the kind of power you have over him. 2. you never want to let it go; it’s the feeling you’ve been searching for your whole life and it leaves you shaking with your back pressed up against the shower wall. 3. he’s with you on the beach and they’re all watching, jealousy and disgust and joy on the sea breeze as they watch two boys kiss like there’s no one else in the world – they don’t see the panic attack exactly three hours and twenty-three minutes later when you sneak back into your cabin and see your brother staring back at you. 4. he tells you he loves you over text message and you’re sure he doesn’t mean it like that, but that doesn’t stop the way your father laughs when he sees you fumble with your phone at the dinner table and suddenly you’d give anything to be able to confess like a sinner begging at the altar.
5. you see him again and you pray he doesn’t feel the way your hands shake against his back but he pulls you tighter and you know he does. 6. please god let him break your heart before you break his; you’ve always been a coward and you wish you’d realized that before you were the one with bruised knees from begging for forgiveness that he doesn’t know he has the right to give.
send me a “♦” for the first word my muse thinks of when your muse is mentioned.
