still, love
She was alive in her dreams.
Blonde, curly hair shining in the sun and glinting in the darkest shadow. Her smile alleviating the bleakest of moods, her frown sinking the most joyous of moments.
Parvati had loved Lavender.
Still loved Lavender.
She planted her yearly thatch of purple flowers where they had sprinkled her ashes. Hands shaking as she smoothed the earth around the roots.
Run away then!
That’s what Lavender had spat at her. The last words she’d said to Parvati. Seven years of being best friends. One year of being more despite the terror they faced every day under the Carrows’ rule of Hogwarts.
Parvati had only wanted them to be safe. To have some semblance of a future. She didn’t much care what it looked like as long as they were together.
Padma hugged her as her salted tears fertilised the dirt beneath her knees.
Why did it take me so long to realise this is what I wanted?
The first words she’d said after Parvati had kissed her. Lavender had bounced on her toes and wrapped her arms around Parvati’s neck, her sun-bright smile melting Parvarti’s heart.
“Oh, Pav, don’t,” her sister begged as Parvati’s tears turned to sobs, her sister mirroring her pain. “I can’t b-bear it. I c-can’t.”
Padma could barely speak as their misery stole any attempt at eloquence.
I think I have a crush on Ron.
The first time Parvati’s heart had broken. The period when Parvati had bonded properly with Hermione Granger, their shared reaction of physical illness over the union entwining them in solidarity. Comfort turning to curiosity and a desperate need of solace. An all too-quick romance that acted more as a bandage to the both of them than anything else.
Bitterly Parvati only thought the experience was a waste of time now. Time that could have been spent with Lavender instead. ‘If only’-’s rattling in her and flaying strips of her heart, lashings of grief-stricken love making her clutch her chest.
Harry Potter is the luckiest boy in the whole school!
Lavender’s awe-struck words at seeing Parvati in her Yule Ball sari. It hadn’t been the only time Parvati had seen a glimmer maybe-could-be-possibly more in Lavender’s eye. It had been the first temptation to do something about it though. Being stuck sitting to a very bored Harry while Lavender, Dean, Seamus and Romilda danced making her feel distinctly unlucky despite her date’s purported fortune.
When Harry departed and Lavender grasped her hand, pulling her up and jumping around to the Weird Sisters, Parvati had felt the auspicious tingling in the touch of her friend. The love line in her palm heating, predicting the blissful union to come.
We’re going to be best friends.
The first words Lavender had said to her, occurring as soon as Parvati sat at the Gryffindor table. Lavender’s arm linking through her elbow and not letting go through the entire feast. It made it difficult to eat, but Parvati hadn’t let go either.
She still hadn’t let go. It was too difficult.
It was dark now and Padma was sleeping on her shoulder. Her cheeks still blotchy from crying.
Parvati wiped at her face and gently caressed a stalk of her love’s namesake, her bottom lip wobbling as she roused her sister and helped her dozy form inside.
Finally getting into bed and gazing at the photograph on her bedside table of her and Lavender laughing in the Hogwarts courtyard, Parvati felt the heaviness of her mourning slowly slip her into palliative sleep.
She was alive in her dreams
Because Parvati had loved Lavender.
Still loved Lavender.
And at least in her dreams, she was alive.