Dearest Mel,
You know, I have never had natural apple juice. But because you speak so highly of it, I’m going to add it in my ‘small things bucket list’ – it’s a list of tiny things I want to do that I believe will bring me joy. Shall I reach out to you once I’ve tried it?
Your answers and the absolute pureness, idealism, compassion and innocence that I could feel from them makes me want you to never know what pain is, but perhaps, you already do. If you can manage to protect everything that is pure and beautiful about you despite the world we live in, that will be a real miracle. And while I want to believe that miracles happen, I also know that we all grow up and no one can escape from the suffering that that brings. I don’t know you really, but I can remember myself at 14. I had written this when I was 19 – Things I wish I knew when I was a teenager. Reading this now, I can see where I came from – it was a place where I was hurting and disillusioned and cynical. So now, for you and with you, I want to try this again.
Things I would tell you, and my self, at 14:
Your mom will be the best friend you’ll ever have. Not because you’re a loser who can’t make friends but because she is the only one who will ever care about your wellbeing in the purest way and because she is the coolest person you know
Keep the things that make you happy close to your heart no matter how silly they seem to others – collect wild flowers, take the time to make your favourite beverage and savour it, click pictures to document your life and not to put them on social media.
When you’re hurt, go ahead, build walls. But you know have a door right there in the middle. Because you need a way out. At first when you meet someone and they feel like someone you may be able to trust and someone who is worthy to be cherished by you, you can open up that door – not to let them in but to walk out yourself. Walk out and express yourself, spend time with them being your true self. And on the basis of how they respond and behave with you, eventually, walk back in with them and let them be a significant part of your life.
But you don’t always have to. You will meet a lot of people who will make you laugh and who you can have these long, emotional and existential conversations with. But just because of that you don’t have to let them in. Not everyone you come across has to be a major part of your life. And that’s completely okay.
You are smart and you are mature for your age. But you’re still young, my love, you’re still 14. Any adult, man or woman, who makes you feel like just because you’re smart or mature you’re not a child, is someone you should stay far, far away from. They can never have the best interests at heart for you.
Learn new things and make mistakes and ask questions even if you feel stupid in doing so because it’s so much better to feel stupid at 14 than it is to feel that way at 20 or 30. People expect you to not know things and use that to your advantage.
Be open to changing your beliefs and views over time. It won’t make you a hypocrite or a pseudo whatever. It will make you someone who doesn’t bull-headedly stick to something just because they always have. For instance, at 14 I believed in the quote, ‘just go with the flow’ and reminded myself to let go and let things happen as they would. That’s wise, yes, but only in some aspects. Then later I came across a quote that resonated more powerfully with me – only dead fish go with the flow. So, let yourself change and grow. It’s only natural.
Boys who can make you feel pretty at first are also the ones who can make you feel worthless and ugly later on. Don’t give them that power to begin with.
Growing up/adulting is a whole different struggle. Of course, you have struggles even now, trust me, I know. But try to savour and capitalise on the moments of joy, little responsibilities and free time. That all will change soon enough.
I hope that wasn’t preachy! I swear I would genuinely love to go back and tell my 14-year-old self that.
I don’t know if you have ever heard of or watched Korean dramas but I would highly recommend this one because of your answer for what love means to you – Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo. It’s absolutely adorable and sweet and I think you’ll relate to it and enjoy it because it honestly just shows how important it is to feel comfortable + happy and like yourself with someone you love. It’s on Netflix, I believe, if you want to go ahead and give it a try.
Love and love and love,
Nikki
I wrote this letter for Mel based on some questions they answered. You can read the questions and their answers here.
Guys - I have received 29 people’s responses for The Love Project - 29 days of love letters. So I won’t be accepting anymore, however, you can read other letters here.
I may do this again later in the year and if you would want to receive a love letter from me then, you can drop in your email ID here xoxo
