kingsman is forced into accepting a documentary crew (like in leverage öuö) because i don’t know the queen wanted it or something
and it’s a camera crew following the tailors around and freaking them out
and two agents having been volunteered to show them around, the camera-hog just blinking and fixing their hair and losing their train of thought when the camera is focused on their face, and the sour-faced one (*cough* percival) who keeps smacking the crew’s hand like “don’t touch that” “don’t touch that” “don’t touch that” every five seconds
and it’s merlin staring menacingly at the camera crew who’s like “pls look at the camera” and it’s so much worse when he does, and following him around the office is a series of slammed doors and “accidental taizer misfire” when they walk into the armoury mid-gadget-testing
it’s eggsy crossing his arms like “’m not sayin anyfin wivou’ my lawyer”, his defensive face one inch away from a snarl, and not even eggsy’ freerunning allows him to escape cos the cameraman can also fricking parkour
and harry’s grinning like a flirty loon, bragging about his bionic eye and giving false hope to the sad twinks interning for the crew
and rox just dazzles them with what she calls her false paparazzi smile from her real personal life and doesn’t answer a single question, and breaks whatever appendage the producer has the minconception is appropriate to put on her (because harassment seems to be inescapable fuck this shit)
(and merhartwin moments where they have a domestic on camera like nate and sophie where they’re bickering using the one-on-one interviews and it comes up with clips like “what’s wrong with ironing socks?” “he implied your lack of honey pots may have to do with ageism” “when was the last time you did anything for fun?” “ha god complex what does that even mean?” “but he said you’d like the inspector gadget tune sung at you for ten minutes” “i did not abandon them to gad about, i just... i faked my own death and went on a voyage of self-discovery” “i- no! no, that’s a lie, i love foreplay!” “everyone has their place.” “ha! he wants to put everyone in their place. it’s about respect” “this is about trust! you have to trust that when you put your sandwich in the fridge, that you can find it where you put it!”) (*cough* did anyone notice the lovely leverage parts, they’re everything i just wrote from memory)
and did they forget the queen was going to see this? probably. she’s def enjoying this, especially the part where merhartwin makes out in the supply closet
at this point kingsman offers some complimentary suit measurements and use the producer’s butt as a pincushion (what an asshole)
i don’t know i’m watching too much leverage cos my inet sucks and i have the whole series on my harddrive
