summary: park jisung was supposed to be more than a passing cloud, than a fleeting moment.
pairing: reader + park jisung ft. childhood friend!mark
genre: high school!au, angst, fluff, some comedy too cus dreamies are funny af
word count: 7.7k
warnings: language, mentions of nausea
author’s note: i’m super happy to announce that i hit my first follower milestone!! thank you to the 100+ precious people who decided to follow my horrid blog, i really appreciate each and everyone one of you and i hope you enjoy this story to celebrate!
this is a sequel to my story passing clouds so please check that out first before you read this.
Jisung felt sick to his stomach. Like the time Donghyuck had somehow managed to convince him, or more so, drag him against his will onto that horrid Viking ride that day they went to the theme park together. Jisung had clutched onto the bars for dear life, and he could’ve sworn that his stomach flipped-flopped inside out and back again, with his life flashing before his eyes, all while his friends laughed at his misery. But now, along with the deja vu in the form of nausea churning in his stomach; he felt as if his chest was being constricted from the unbearable weight of guilt that was consuming his body. The gloomy skies thundered outside, as if the heavens above were laughing at his misery. As if they were chanting a mantra, reminding him that he fucked up as his head replayed the words you had sobbed just mere moments ago. He should’ve known it was a bad idea then — yet only after facing the pit in his stomach and the echoes of your cries did he know how ditching you was in fact, an irreversible mistake that might’ve cost him more than just his friendship with you.
He clenched his fists, knuckles turning white from the iron-grip on his phone as his arms fell limply to his side. What had he done?
Jaemin spoke first, as the boys all quieted down from their gaming soon after witnessing the conversation. “What the hell did you do, Jisung?”
Jisung winced. Jaemin rarely swore around him, much less directly at him. He knew he fucked up, and his friends could see the defeat in his eyes. The tension in the air thickened as Jisung’s mouth parched, unable to find the right words that could give a single reasonable explanation as to why he chose to do what he did.
“I fucked up,” he croaked plainly, running his hand hurriedly through his hair. “I hurt (Y/N).”
Jaemin’s hand balled up as he narrowed his eyes. He cared for you a lot — all the boys did. They loved you like their own sister. Jaemin’s expression softened at the sight of the youngest’s agony but he remained stern. “What did you do, Jisung?”
“(Y/N) and I.. we were supposed to go to the movies together today. But I never showed up.” Jisung’s knees felt like giving out. “I didn’t think she would actually be that upset that I didn’t show up! I-I thought she would just call someone else to watch it with her, or something. I didn’t she would blow up at me...”
“How could you not expect her to blow up at you when you literally stood her up?” Jaemin furrowed his eyebrows in disbelief. Jisung bit his lip in reluctance and the other boys frowned. Jisung was usually rational, and thought about his actions before he did anything. They didn’t understand what had led him to do this.
“Why did you flake on her?” Renjun asked quietly. Jisung averted his eyes, looking down at the floor. “I don’t know. I just felt like it.”
Donghyuck scoffed, “That’s such bullshit and you know it.”
Chenle’s frown deepened. Seeing his closest friend trying to deflect the truth was so unusual. He tried to piece it together, hitting the nail on the head with a simple question.
Jisung’s heart twisted into knots. “What? O-Of course I do, she’s my friend.”
“No, of course you like her Jisung, we all do. I’m asking if you like her.”
A pause hung in the air as they all patiently waited for his answer (despite the obvious.)
“Y-Yeah. I do. I like her so much, guys. And I freaking messed up.” He confessed, choking up as tears prickled his eyes. “I was scared. We planned this last week while we were studying, and I thought she was joking about it being a movie date but she was actually serious and kept bringing it up.”
“That’s a good thing though, isn’t it? You could’ve made a move on her.” Donghyuck pointed out in slight disbelief.
“I know, but I got scared! I thought.. what if she didn’t like me back, and I was taking this the wrong way? I didn’t want to make the next step and embarrass myself when— if she rejected me. I knew it was childish of me to try and be cool and play it off, but… I don't know. I-I really just thought she could do better...” Jisung buried his head into his hands, his shame and insecurities washing over him. “Mark just came back into town too, and I always thought he was a better match for her than me.”
He sucked in his breath, lips quivering. “I.. I told myself that if I just chickened out then she would replace me with him or something. So it didn’t matter if I went or not.”
“(Y/N) would never do that and you know that! It’s so obvious she likes you back,” Chenle couldn’t help but grow frustrated at how unreasonable Jisung was being with the whole situation. How could he possibly even think like that?
Jaemin inhales deeply, shaking his head in disapproval. “If you really liked her back, then you would’ve thought about how your actions would have affected her and how she would’ve reacted.”
Jisung lifts his head up, eyes bloodshot as tears drip down his face. “Guys, I fucked up. I hurt her feelings and—” His breath hitched, “S-she told me that I could go play whatever games I wanted as long as they weren’t with her! I didn’t mean to make her feel like she was just someone I used to pass time or she was a game!”
“Jisung, of course she would think that way! You can’t just mess around with her feelings like that. You ditched her without even giving her a plausible reason or heads up, and you argued with her and said that we mattered more than she did, even though we’re all friends!” Jaemin huffed exasperatedly.
He pauses to catch his breath, almost sobbing at this point. “I don’t know how to fix this. What if she never forgives me?”
“I’m so disappointed in you, Jisung. How do you expect her to forgive you?” Jaemin suddenly stands up, throwing his hands up in frustration.
Everyone’s eyes widened at Jaemin’s irritated tone. He rarely ever scolded Jisung, always showering the younger boy in love and affection. He even treated him like his little brother. Jisung's mouth hung agape at Jaemin’s harsh words. He knew he deserved it, but it stung even more coming from Jaemin.
Jaemin scowled before turning his back and storming out of the room. Everyone froze, stunned.
Jeno was the first to react. “I’ll go talk to him,” he said before stepping outside of the room.
The rest of the boys turned to Jisung who was flopped on the floor, his usually tall stature curling into a tiny ball like a small child. Chenle sighed before getting up to rub Jisung’s back comfortingly.
“You made a big mistake,” Renjun says bluntly from his spot.
“But so does everyone. Everyone has their insecurities, Jisung. You’re still growing so you still have an opportunity to learn from them so you don’t make the same ones again. But it’s a fleeting opportunity so don’t take it for other’s kindness for granted. You owe her an apology, and if you’re sincere enough, she’ll at least hear you out. You know how (Y/N) is — she’s a very understanding person.”
Chenle and Donghyuck nod their head in agreement. “We’ve all made mistakes before. It’s a part of life.” Chenle adds.
Jisung weakly mumbles a thank you, wiping the tears from his swollen face. The boys all give him a pat on the back and a tight-lipped smile. As much as they agreed that what he did was wrong, he was still their brother. It was their job to be there for him, to support him and guide him along the path even if he made mistakes.
Jeno popped in from the doorway. “We’re going to go clean up for dinner. We’ll call you down when the food is ready.” The boys all begin to shuffle out, leaving Jisung alone with his thoughts.
He feels such agonizing frustration, but he knows that he has no one else to blame but himself. He was the sole reason you had been hurt. It was his fault, his actions, that caused you pain. At the sound of your sobs replaying through his head, he squeezes his eyes shut and clenches his hands so hard that his dull fingernails pierce the skin of his palms, leaving painful indents.
However, Jisung’s head snapped up as the door creaked open again. Jaemin's eyes softened as he took a seat next to Jisung.
“I’m sorry,“ Jisung mumbles, “I really hurt her even though I swear, I never meant to. You can be mad at me. I deserve it.”
Jaemin sighs before ruffling the younger’s head. “No, Jisung. I’m sorry for what I said.”
“I really care about both of you and I know you understand what you did was wrong. It really did hurt her, but she really likes you, you know. A lot more than you think.” Jaemin murmurs.
Jisung didn’t have the heart to tell Jaemin he didn’t actually know.
Although Jisung would always jokingly fight back against the older’s hugs when he would be the one initiating hugs and coddling him, this time, Jisung’s body relaxes as he lets the older boy wrap his arms around him.
“Thanks, Jaemin.” He sniffles. The older boy can only pull him in closer.
He had a lot of work to do. Jisung sighs, leaning back in his chair before scribbling “Mission: Make it up to (Y/N)” on a piece of scratch paper. He scrutinized the blank page before groaning and crumpling it up in frustration.
Jisung facepalms the table with an astounding thud, earning a yelp from across him. “What the heck, Park Jisung! Are you trying to get a concussion?” Donghyuck screeched. The chocolate milk from his bowl of Fruity Pebbles cereal sloshes onto the surface of the table and into his lap.
“Sorry!” Jisung mutters. His older brother glares at him while furiously wiping his lap with napkins. “I just can’t think of how to get (Y/N) to forgive me. I suck at all this romantic gesture crap.”
Donghyuck wails, “Doesn’t mean you can just freaking slam your head into the table! What did the table ever do to you? Also now my favorite sweat-shorts are stained.”
Renjun walks by the kitchen and rolls his eyes in disgust. “First of all, who the hell eats fruity cereal with chocolate milk— you heathen. You deserved it.”
Donghyuck flicks his middle finger at Renjun’s back as Chenle bursts out in his iconic dolphin laughter.
“Jisung, if you get a concussion in this kitchen or break the table with that empty skull of yours, Jaemin is going to break your skull. And you know (Y/N) the best, don’t you? Use your remaining brain cells,” Renjun tutted with a pointed look.
Jisung nods but whispers something about there being only one brain cell in this whole damn house under his breath.
“Yeah, I know— ‘cause it belongs to me.”
Everyone simultaneously rolled their eyes at Renjun.
Jeno sits in front of the TV, fervently smashing buttons. His eyes never break away from the screen yet he manages to pipe up. “Why don’t you start by figuring out a list of what she likes?”
Jisung’s ears perk up at the suggestion. “That’s a great idea Jeno!” However, his excitement quickly turns into a huff of exasperation. “But (Y/N) likes so many things… Anime, ice cream, watching me dance, fangirling over —”
“Me, of course!” Hyuck singsongs with a cocky smirk.
The crumpled ball of paper smacks him dead in the nose. “Ow!”
“Wait, I know!” Jisung shouts enthusiastically as an idea pops into his head. The boys all turn to look at him. “She loves the cake from the bakery down the street!”
“Ah, Neo Bakery? The one with cherry bombs and puzzle piece cookies?” Jaemin asks.
Jisung nods, flashing his smile for the first time in days. “Yeah! Can we go right now? Please?”
“I don’t see why not,” Jaemin grins. All the boys shrug in agreement, and begin grabbing their jackets and shoes. Even Jeno leaves his game to join. But before they knew it, Jisung had dashed out the door, his sneakers barely on. “Meet you there!” He called out.
They all share a look and collectively sigh.
By the time they had caught up to Jisung, they had found him standing in front of the quaint shoppe pacing back and forth like a lost child. Chenle shoulder-bumps him, causing him to stop in his tracks. “What the heck are you doing?”
“I didn’t want to go inside alone… It looks kind of empty,” He says sheepishly.
“Oh my god, you big baby, just go in and—” Donghyuck froze as the door he had pulled causes him to lurch forward. He tries to open the door again, but to no avail. It hadn’t budged.
Jisung runs up to the window, squishing his face against the cold glass to peer intently inside. It was empty.
“Guys,” Jeno whistled. They whirl their head in his direction. Renjun holds up a paper with the words “CLOSED FOR RENOVATIONS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE” emblazoned in bold letters across the page. “You have got to be kidding me,” Jisung bemoans, accidentally hitting his head against the glass window in the process. He winces and rubs his reddening forehead.
“Keep that up and you’re going to lose all your brain cells before you even get a chance to speak to (Y/N),” Chenle snorts. Jisung’s nose scrunches up at his best friends and he turns to face everyone else. “Now what am I going to do?” He whines.
“I mean, are there any other places that she’d like?” asked Renjun.
Jisung shakes his head. “No, just that place. She really likes their strawberry cream cake.”
Jaemin wrinkles his nose at the mention of strawberry before he exclaims, “Ah! I got it!” A mischievous glint appears in his eyes. “Jeno, don’t you have Doyoung’s number?” Jeno stares at him quizzically before letting out a sound of realization and nodding. He quickly gets out his phone and scrolls until he finds the right contact while everyone else’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “We’re going to go to the supermarket now, let’s go Jisungie.” Jaemin beams proudly.
“What are you talking about? The supermarket? For what?”
“I got it!” Jeno announces, grinning before shoving his phone into Jisung’s ginormous hands. Jisung fumbles with it for a bit, earning a glare from Jeno. He gives an apologetic grin before looking down to read the screen.
“Woah, what? How’d you get the recipe!?” He exclaimed. Jeno shrugs yet doesn’t bother to hide his eye-smile. “I’m friends with Doyoung. He works there part-time as one of the bakers and he owes me a favor.”
“Wait, are we going to the supermarket to buy all the ingredients?” Jisung parrots bewilderedly. Chenle rolls his eyes and smacks his best friend upside the head, “Yes, you idiot. Now can we go? I’m starving too.”
Jisung’s smile ear to ear as they all make their way down the street. He was so lucky to have them.
After a chaotic trip to the supermarket which had resulted in Renjun chasing down Hyuck in attempt to murder the cheeky boy for yet again trying to steal his order of pork cutlet “by accident,” and Chenle trying to find his favorite Chinese ramen in the wrong aisle for a good 20 minutes, they had managed to get back home in one piece without getting kicked out by the manager again. (Everyone had blamed it on Jisung for accidentally knocking over the entire tower of cans on one of the tables, but he thought it was a stupid idea to even display cans in such a fashion. It wasn’t like it was one of Renjun’s weird art competitions or whatever.)
With the help of Jaemin and Jeno who both surprisingly had not fallen into the chaos, they had successfully checked off their shopping list.
“Now, we should measure out the ingredients first and then add it in so it makes it a lot quicker and easier,” Jaemin chastises as he puts on his apron. He turned around only to be met with the sight of Jisung coughing in the midst of a cloud of dust, desperately trying to wipe the cake flour that he had accidentally spilled everywhere off his black shirt.
“Park Jisung, I banned you from the goddamn kitchen for a reason but please, for the sake of (Y/N), get it together!”
Jaemin facepalmed. This was going to be a long ass ride afternoon.
Cake was probably the most difficult thing Jisung has ever attempted to make in his life.“Why is this so hard? It’s just cake!” He stares at the gloppy mixture in front of him, lifting up the whisk only to be met with the sight of chunks of things he wasn’t even sure belonged in a cake.
First, it was the struggle with just simply washing strawberries. Jaemin had looked away for a single second and nearly went haywire when he saw what the younger boy was about to do.
Jisung had moved the strawberries into a bowl in the sink, running water and had just grabbed the container of green liquid when—
“Nooooooo! No!” screeched Jaemin. He smacked Jisung on the leg and scolded him with an incredulous look. “You don’t wash strawberries with dish soap, you idiot! Are you crazy!?”
Jisung shot him a puzzled look. “Wait, you don’t?”
With the self-restraint of every fiber in his body, Jaemin forced himself to not strangle the other boy.
Then it was this. Jaemin should’ve known it was a horrible idea to try and even think about letting Jisung do this alone, but the boy had begged about about how he needed to prove himself to you and he needed all the credit. He pinched the bridge of his nose and left to go drag someone else in to help.
Jisung was perpetually frozen in his spot, his jaw still hung open. His brain was short-circuiting at this point. If he had followed all the instructions, how did it end up like this?
“You both are idiots,” Renjun shook his head, glaring at Jaemin who had dragged him away in the middle of a Moomin marathon and Jisung who was still blinking confusedly at the whisk in his hand.
“Please, Injunnie,” Jaemin pleaded, pouting with his lips puckered out and puppy-dog eyes. “Do it for (Y/N) and Jisung! We’re all counting on you!“
“Agh, fine.” Renjun rolled his eyes before going through the recipe once again.
“Oi, Park Jisung! Snap out of it!”
Renjun grabbed the whisk from him. He stares at the horrific mixture of what was definitely not cake batter and wrinkles his nose in disgust. “What the hell did you do?” He demands.
Jisung gives him a blank stare. Renjun examines the ingredients on the table and nearly faints.
“Jisung, this recipe says baking powder, not baking soda. And it says cake flour, you blockhead, not bread flour! Why do we even have bread flour!?”
“Actually, it’s because of Hyuck’s carb obsession,” Jaemin answers.
He immediately holds Renjun back from running off to fight the mentioned boy.
Jisung chortled, “Renjun, you’re the best!“
Renjun cuts him off by locking the taller boy in a loving chokehold and laughs. “Yeah, yeah, I know. Now help me would ya?”
After about five hours of continuous screaming and threats of burning down the kitchen or someone’s hair (which may or may not be all by the hands of Renjun), they managed to successfully bake the cake. Jisung collapses on the couch besides his friends, finally giving his strained muscles a break from the hardcore struggle of baking. “Who knew baking was this hard?” Donghyuck teases the tired trio on the couch. Chenle laughs in delight at their suffering, and they all shoot him a dirty look. While they rest, Jeno begins cleaning the mess in the kitchen. “It looks like a goddamn tornado flew in here,” He mutters.
“My poor kitchen,” Jaemin weeps. He turns his head to pinch Jisung’s cheeks, “Ahhhh, the things I do for you and true love, my precious Jisungie.”
Jisung groans and slaps his hand away. Donghyuck and Chenle begin helping Jeno clean the mess as well. Just as they finish, the timer for the oven goes off.
Jisung sighs before getting up. “I’ll get it.” In his exhausted daze, he opens the oven and reaches out for the hot pan before —
“Ow, fuck!” He swears, retracting his now throbbing hand. “Language!” Jaemin scolds from his seat. Chenle rushes over, inspecting his hand. “Dude, are you okay?”
Jisung winces at the pain and mumbles, “I forgot the mitt.”
Jeno walks over and chides, “Go run it under cool water.” Jaemin and Renjun turned their heads from the couch. “Are you okay, ‘Sung?” Jaemin asks worriedly. Jisung nods weakly in response.
“We have burn salve, and I’ll help you bandage it afterwards,” Jeno grabs the burn salve from the cabinet and gently applies the salve to Jisung’s hand, who flinches even with the light pressure. “Chenle, can you get the cake?“ Jeno asks.
“I got it,” he reassures, skillfully taking the cake out with a mitt and closing the oven.
“Thanks,” Jisung then frowns at the white bandage wrapped around his palm. Y/N is probably going to freak if she sees this, he thinks to himself.
Despite the pain from his throbbing hand, the boys worked together to finish decorating the cake and celebrated by enjoying some of it as well. Surprisingly despite their clumsiness, it had turned out almost identical to the one from the bakery and didn’t taste bad at all. Now all Jisung had to do was just wait until he saw you tomorrow.
As he laid there in bed that night, he felt the gaping hole in his chest that had been masked by his chaotic day. He was missing something in his life the past couple of days. A hole in the shape of you. He felt like kicking something suddenly. Like himself. How could be so foolish as to push you away because of his own insecurities? You didn’t deserve a fool like him. The lump in his throat grew.
He closed his eyes tightly that night and sent a silent prayer up into the sky before he slept. Please give me another chance to love her. To make her happy.
To say that Jisung was nervous, would be a great understatement. His entire livelihood depended on this. Well, maybe not livelihood but still. He didn’t know what he would do if you didn’t at least hear him out. He had trouble sleeping last night, his doubts and worries consuming him. The boys hadn’t questioned him this morning when they saw the bags under his eyes, yet still voiced their concerns only to be brushed off with a weak smile. This was what he deserved. And now he had to do what he must in order to earn your forgiveness. He had carefully wrapped the slice of strawberry cream cake in a box, with a red bow on top. He was never really one who was good at expressing his emotions through words, much less cheesy romantic gestures like this but he had practiced his apology at least a hundred times in front of his mirror the past few days. All he had to do now was just simply tell you it. Face to face.
His stomach churned as the memory of your cries and bitter words surfaced again. He shook his head in order to try and rid himself of those thoughts, which Chenle had noticed. He gave an encouraging pat to his friend’s back and murmured a soft “Hey, it’ll be okay.”
Jisung’s face twisted in slight anguish. “I don’t know, Lele…” He sighed. “I’m really scared. I really don’t know what I’d do if she doesn’t forgive me. I don’t even know if I really deserve another chance after what I did and said.”
“Jisung, she loves you a lot and you love her too. It would be foolish to say that you’d never hurt her but you need to prove that you won’t ever try and do it again. Just try your best and know that if she hears how sincere you are and see that you’re trying to learn from your mistakes, then you shouldn’t take that for granted ever again.” Chenle reassures.
Jisung smiles sadly before a look of determination replaces it. “Thanks, Chenle. It means a lot.”
Chenle smiles. “Any time, bro.”
By the time lunch rolled around, Jisung felt like a shit ton of bricks had hit him. Usually, he would’ve seen you in the morning but you were nowhere to be found. He hadn't seen you in the halls or anywhere else at all, and worry was eating him up. Where in the world were you?
He took a seat besides his friends who all shot him a look of concern. “What’s wrong now?” Donghyuck questions gently. He hated seeing his youngest brother down in the dumps and although it was supposed to be resolved today, Jisung only looked more worn out.
“I haven't seen her at all today. Do you think she’s purposefully avoiding me?” Jisung feels his heart breaking even more at the possibility that you hated him to the point where you wouldn’t even want to see his face. His head drops in remorse.
“I don’t know,” Hyuck begrudgingly admits, “But don’t you have class with her?”
“Just some. But she was absent today. Usually I see her between classes as well and I haven’t seen her at all. What if she’s sick or she’s skipping class just to avoid me?”
“I doubt (Y/N) would ever skip class just for that reason… but you should just wait until class,” Renjun suggests. Jisung nods in disappointment, his expression resembling one of a kicked puppy. The boys exchange a look of pity and they eat their lunch quietly.
They could only hope for the best.
Jisung mopes for the remainder of the day, feeling nothing but pure despair for his current situation. By the time the last class rolled around, he had basically given up on even seeing you today or even ever again for that matter. He stares at the dainty bag he prepared for you in deep regret before a familiar figure passes by him. (Y/N)?
His head snaps up so quickly he’s sure he almost gave himself whiplash.
It was you. You were here. You were here!
Relief washes throughout his body. His eyes followed you as you walked to your seat, yet he feels his body tense when you don’t even bother to glance back. You hadn’t spared him a single look since you had gotten to your desk but you could feel his stare burn holes into the back of your head. You didn’t actually know since you hadn’t looked at him since before this weekend but you had a gut feeling.
Still, you were stubborn and refused to turn around and give that jerk the satisfaction of attaining your precious attention.
It wasn’t fair of him to do that when he was the one who had hurt you. He was the one who had promised you his time, yet ended up treating you as if you were disposable — something he’d throw away once he had something better to do. You weren’t his priority.
You had basically spent all weekend curled up in your room sobbing into Mark’s arms. He had picked you up from the movie theater that fateful day and consoled you until the wee hours of night, patiently listening to you rant and bawl your heart out over a stupid, stupid boy. You felt so guilty since he had just come back into town and instead of spending time catching up, he had kept you company as you binge-watched sad movies to wallow in your heartbreak over a certain idiot by the name of Park Jisung.
(“I’m sorry Mark,” you blubbered as you cling onto his figure. He sighed as he rubbed your back soothingly, hoping to calm down your tears. You mumbled into his tear-stained shirt, “I didn’t expect you to come back and for this to happen. I ruined your weekend, didn’t I?”
“Well.. you might’ve,” He said, causing you to immediately sit and look at him with watery eyes and quivering lips. You opened your mouth to cry out even more but he stopped you. “Wait—I was kidding. Sort of but not really.. but it’s okay (Y/N)! I just don’t want you to see you cry anymore.” Through your watery eyes and sniffles, you managed to smack him weakly against his chest. He gave you a tight-lipped smile before softly pulling you into his embrace, tracing circles into your back as you melted into his arms and lulled yourself into a deep, painless slumber.
Mark slowly moved his head to look down at your forlorn figure, a peaceful expression upon your features despite the fresh tears still dripping down your face. He gently wiped the tears from your face with the pad of his thumb, his heartbeat thumping so loudly that he worried it would wake you. He felt like his heart was tearing in half — from how painfully heartbroken you were, and how ironically sad this situation was. “I’ll always be here by your side,” Mark whispers to the air, knowing you had already drifted into dreamland. His heart ached. After all, he knew you would never see him the same way you saw Jisung. And he had to live with that.)
You had spent the next few nights with Mark, ugly crying yourself to sleep in his arms until the tears ran out. Asking the skies how could he could just cut you out of his life just like that? Drop you with the lame excuse that his friends were first. Did he not feel any remorse for what he did?
Stupid jerk. He didn’t deserve any more of my goddamn time or attention. No more shedding any tears. No more self-pity, you thought to yourself. You didn’t need Park Jisung in your life. You didn’t need to waste your breath holding onto what your friendship once was, what your feelings once were. You were sure of it. You had tried to convince yourself so, anyways.
You wanted to burn every trace of Park Jisung from your life, yet Mark had persuaded you not to, quietly murmuring about how you would regret it more than Jisung would soon regret his actions. You found that hard to believe but after all he had done to stay by your side, you relented to his wishes.
The time had dragged on by agonizingly slowly. It felt like Jisung was stuck in time for what felt like a million damn years. His anxiousness increased as the class went on. You were actually here! He wondered why you hadn’t showed up for your earlier classes but he thanked the heavens that at least you were here now. Yet he couldn’t help but feel more on edge.
He swallowed thickly, tapping his pencil annoyingly and fidgeting in his seat. His eyes paid more attention to the ticking of the hands of the clock than the boring teacher droning on and on about today’s lesson.
Finally, the bell rings signaling the end of class. Jisung jumps out of his desk and grabs his backpack in one hand and the bag in another, dashing outside like his life depended on it. You catch a glimpse of his escaping figure, and scowl. Did he really not want to be in the same space as you? Was it that painful for him to have you to be in his life? You felt a lump grow in your throat. A part of you had naively hoped that maybe, just maybe he would confront you and apologize. Not that you’d forgive him, or anything but… You bite your lip. He really dashed out the door just like that. You swallow the tears threatening to spill and trudge out of the room with a grim shadow cast upon your face.
You walk outside and begrudgingly scan the groups of students dispersing, searching for his face despite your internal protests. You couldn’t help it. However, by the time you reach the steps of the school, he’s nowhere to be found.
“You look like your cat just died.” You turn around to see Na Jaemin leaning against the brick wall with his signature sweet smile painted on his face. You pout and remember that he’s still Jisung’s friend. Your pout quickly turns into a scowl, and as if reading your mind — he kindly says, “I’m still your friend (Y/N). Nothing will ever change that.”
Your walls drop and he gently nudged your shoulder, cocking his head towards the doors so you both head out. “I hope Bongshik didn’t actually die, or else Jeno would be devastated,” Jaemin remarks. Your shoulders droop and you shake your head. As you walk with him, he takes a turn into the courtyard and you follow him despite the unfamiliar path.
“I know what happened between both of you,” he breathes airily. You wince at the mention of the fall-out. You hadn’t really wanted other people to know yet you guessed it was inevitable. “I know you probably hate him, but I know it’ll be okay. “
You remain quiet, unable to form a coherent sentence when your mind is constantly buzzing with thoughts of Jisung, bringing back the pain clawing inside your chest. You bite your lip. “How can you be so sure about that?” You mutter bitterly.
As you stare at the fallen cherry blossoms littered all across the pavement, you don’t realize that Jaemin had stopped. You freeze, and look up only to lock your gaze with the deep chocolate orbs of the one person you had been avoiding all day.
His eyes darted around your face searching for any telltale signs of how you felt — yet your face was only void of any emotions besides shock. Your jaw drops as you immediately turn to leave. “Wait, (Y/N), please! I’m sorry, please don’t leave— please! Just hear me out.”
You halt in your footsteps, cursing yourself for being foolish enough to even listen to him. Your heart betrayed your mind. You turned around and glared at Jaemin for even getting you in this situation — yet his eyes simply gazed with intent, almost lulling you towards Jisung again. He raises his eyebrows in anticipation and tilts his head towards the other boy. You sigh in resignation at his silent command and then turn around to fully face Jisung.
“What could you possibly say that would make me want to stay?”
“I’ll leave you two alone,” Jaemin says quietly before walking away. Your eyes widen as you realize that you would have to deal with this alone. You open your mouth to protest.
“Wait, (Y/N), please — I just need to tell you something and then you can decide whether or not I’m worth any more of your time,” Jisung interrupts, pleading with his entire soul.
Your eyes flicker to him.
He had never looked so broken.
“I thought I wasn’t worth any of your time,” You say quietly, remembering his harsh words from the other day.
Jisung’s expression drops yet he knows he can’t stay quiet anymore. “No, that’s not true,” He says firmly. “You’re worth all the time in the world.”
You can feel your heart beating out of your chest now, and wonder if he can hear it despite the mere steps that distance you away from one another.
Jisung’s nose scrunches up, and you want to laugh at his cute habit of wrinkling his nose in distaste whenever he’s disappointed that something doesn’t go his way, even despite the grave situation. He inhaled sharply before continuing. “I’m so so sorry for what I said the other day. It was the most hurtful thing I’ve ever said to anyone and I’m so disappointed in myself for hurting you. I never meant to.” He bites his lip and you stare at him. His hands fidget but remain behind his back.
“I-I like you, (Y/N). A lot. M-Maybe even love you but either way! It doesn’t excuse what I did. I shouldn’t have stood you up, but I was stupid, and foolish and the biggest idiot in the world because I was scared. When you first brought up going to the movies together, I was so happy. This is going to sound so damn cheesy and I hate cheesy, but my heart literally soared. I’m still surprised you didn’t notice how red I was,” He admitted.
You stared at him in shock. Park Jisung liked you. Even loved you. He loved you back.
“I didn’t shut up about it to the boys. But then I kept thinking. What if you didn’t mean it like an actual date and I was taking it the wrong way? I was honestly terrified. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship by making the next move even though everyone told me you felt the same way. I over thought it and then decided that I didn’t want to look like an idiot, so I had to be really chill about it in front of you, so I wouldn’t embarrass myself if you didn’t feel the same way. I didn’t want you to know how excited I was because I thought I would look desperate, or something.”
“I let my insecurities get the best of me and god, when I heard that Mark Lee was coming back, I literally felt like I had no chance. I mean, you’re the most amazing girl I’ve ever known and I mean it (Y/N). Y-You…,” He pauses and takes a breath, forcing himself to make eye contact with you. “You deserve the world and I really want to be the one to make you happy because it makes me so happy every time you laugh because of me tripping over air or you wake me up when I fall asleep during our study dates — I mean hangouts. And when I get to hold your hand and doodle all over your arms—” He rambles on. “I was dumb enough to take your time for granted and not consider your feelings. But I want to do better for you. I regret what I did and I want to turn back time to fix it, but I know I can’t so… I promise I won’t make this same mistake again.” His ears turn red and your heart can’t help but swell at his words, despite your mind’s screaming.
“But I didn’t think I was good enough or anything like Mark, who’s a lot funnier and older and smarter. I thought he would be better for you.” You want to open your mouth to protest but he continues.
“But I don’t want to be scared anymore! I don’t want to live life regretting what I did. You’re the most important person in my life (Y/N), and I know I hurt you a lot because I was scared to let you see all of me and tell you how I really felt, but I want to be better and learn from my mistakes. I don’t ever want to hurt you again and I can’t promise you I won’t, because I’m a big idiot who’s still growing, and I know I make a lot of mistakes... but I want to be your big idiot who will apologize and grow from them. I would do whatever it takes to make you happy as long as we’re happy together.”
You found yourself on a rollercoaster of emotions. You bite your lip, trying to hold back the growing smile and tears threatening to burst.
Taking your hesitation as a rejection, Jisung looks down dejectedly before revealing the bag in his hand. “H-Here,” he struggles to keep his voice from breaking, just like his heart, “I… wanted to buy you your favorite cake from Neo Bakery but it was closed so I tried to bake it myself… I know you don’t want anything to do with me anymore but please just take it. It’s for you.”
Your eyes widen as you also notice his bandaged hand and the way he winces when he grips the straps of the bag tighter. You put two and two together and take the bag. You set it delicately down on the ground before rushing to embrace him.
Jisung stumbles back a little but manages to catch his balance as you wrap your arms around him. “You stupid idiot,” you mumble into his shirt, tears welling up. “Look at how cliche this is. You know how much I hate cheesy cliches.”
Jisung stiffens before he relaxes his body to hug you back even tighter. “I can’t believe you burned yourself baking a cake for me. How dumb are you? And I can’t believe Jaemin let you in the kitchen in the first place.” You say incredulously.
He lets out a laugh at your response and strokes your hair gently. “I know,” he says softly as he closes his eyes and relishes in your warmth. You loosen your grip around his torso and step back to gaze up at him. “I can’t believe you at all. What you did really hurt me and I almost burned all your hoodies” Jisung’s eyes widened in horror at your statement. You snigger slightly. “But I didn’t. Thanks to Mark, by the way.”
“It’s okay to be insecure and have your doubts and I know we all make mistakes but please, don’t shut me out and leave me hanging like that next time. We’re friends and friends don’t do that to each other. I accept your apology — only because I know how hard you must’ve worked to bake the cake with your stupid noodle limbs and incompetent cooking skills.”
“Hey!” Jisung pouts at your words and you reach up to pinch his cheeks as you laugh. He melts at your touch and a gummy smile emerges. “But if you couldn’t tell, I really like you too. Maybe even love you,” You inhale at your own words and avert your eyes. “But if you want to make the next move then we have to work on conquering our fears… Together.” You admit earnestly, a look of determination in your eyes.
Jisung can’t help but grin even harder as his heartbeat skyrockets. Happiness overflows through every part of his body. “Thank God,” He says, pulling you in for another tight embrace. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”
You both revel in each other’s arms for a while longer as the breeze gently blows against your figure. You look up at him, with the sunset shining upon his skin. His sparkling eyes gaze intently into yours before he leans down a little and your breath hitches. He pauses for a moment before his lips brush hesitantly against yours, and although you don’t feel fireworks erupt or an intense rush of euphoria, you know that this felt just right. Your noses barely brush against each other’s and your eyes flutter shut, feeling his lashes tickle lightly against your skin. He’s so glad your eyes are closed so you don’t see his cheeks dusted with a rosy pink. You slot your lips against his more, the awkwardness fading away, and tip toe to wrap your arms around his neck as he pulls you in deeper.
He lets go first but smoothly slips his large hand into yours, fitting almost perfectly. His ears burn with embarrassment and you can feel yourself turn hot and blush fervently. Jisung scratches his neck trying to hide the fact that wow, for a kid who was considered shy — that really just happened.
“You’re not off the hook yet, Park Jisung! You still have a lot of groveling to do. Just because I love you doesn’t mean you’re forgiven, you big baby!” You announce to diffuse the awkwardness.
He smiles bashfully, “It’s okay. As long as I’m your big baby.” He leans down to grab the bag with his other hand and you blush even harder at the confidence brimming from his words. “Shall we go taste test my amazing cake?” He jokes.
You smack him and scoff, “There’s no damn way you were able to make this by yourself! Who helped you?”
He sticks his tongue out. “You’ll never figure it out.” You roll your eyes and laugh as you walk together, fingers still intertwined.
Maybe it was foolish of you to want to believe that Park Jisung wasn’t just simply a passing cloud or fleeting moment in your life. But you had hope. Hope that instead, he was the gentle breeze that tickled your nose and the warm sunshine that kissed your face on the warm summer days where you both had spent chasing each other until your lungs hurt. Or perhaps, his existence was embodied in the petals of the cherry blossom tree in the courtyard that bloomed every spring, carved with initials of young love that you had just ironically and cheesily enough, just experienced your first love underneath. You weren’t sure if Park Jisung’s existence was fleeting in itself or that the idea of forever actually existed, but you knew he himself was just there throughout every step of the way, and as much as the moments passed by and the memories faded, you could feel his love with the passing of every second.
And most importantly, you knew that Park Jisung still had your heart at the end of the day, and even if he dropped it, he would do everything in his power to put together the pieces even if it meant opening up a part of his heart that he had kept hidden away for so long and giving it to you. And at that moment, that was the only forever you needed.
author’s note: i sincerely hope you enjoyed this sequel hehe i worked really hard on this and it’s the longest story i’ve ever written! spoiler alert: there will be an epilogue/spin-off with mark in the making <33 please keep an eye out for that in the future hehe. special thanks to @neocitybynight @j-woosderland @gohyuck and @neostains for reading this beforehand!
taglist: @bumblebeenct @mjlkau @yongiefilms @neo-cultures @sugarsicheng @thenctaddict @soleilhyuck @ainabaina @heyy-sicheng @sunflowerhae
