All Your Insecurities, All My Treasures - libby x nash
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synopsis: being pregnant with twins has taken a toll on libby’s body. she expected herself to be okay with this, knowing that pregnancy naturally had this effect, but in the depths of her mind, she isn’t. nash is with her every step of the way, convincing herself that every part of her is beautiful—especially the part that’s carrying his children.
warnings: light angst, fluff, minor suggestive comments, insecurities
tag list: @reminiscentreader @beautifulmusicengineer @grc-tig @lyrrrr @runnningoutofink @haniya1234 @cocomowgy @anintellectualintellectual @thechildofshadows @diamondrattherevenge @sturntaped @atropinenightshade @deepestwitchtraveler @queenslovetoread @angelnextdooor @sweet-girl-in-cabin-13
authors note: I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR A WORD FROM YOU @runnningoutofink !!! this is as short as my fics can possibly be. Otherwise i short circuit 😙
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Libby was okay with this. She was okay with all the changes that pregnancy gave her.
It was the miracle of life, after all. And the miracle of life came with these things: bodily changes, mood swings, feelings of nausea.
And, as the article that Libby was reading went on, something caught her eye. Feelings of insecurity.
Libby had been only 5 weeks pregnant then; she was still starry eyed from just the realization that she was pregnant.
She was going to be a mom.
And Nash? He was going to be the best father there was.
But now that Libby was in her second trimester, she felt it: the pit in her stomach every time she noticed the tiredness under her eyes, the way every part of her—not just her belly—seemed to grow in mass, the stretch marks that were starting to appear more rapidly on her body.
And of course, the bulge on her belly that seemed truck sized every time she turned to her side.
Libby told herself that there was nothing wrong with any of this—that insecurities caused by pregnancy were just a result of the medias harsh opinions of women, and that resenting your body for changing in this way was just plain stupid. I mean, she was pregnant! This was supposed to be incredible.
But Libby would be lying to herself if she said it completely was.
She had pushed it down eventually—looking away from mirrors rapidly and wearing oversized clothing to hide her new, soft curves.
Everything was fine. Everything was going to be fine.
“Hey, darl’, Avery’s invited us to some charity event she’s hosting to celebrate the second Grandest Game starting soon.” Nash said. “Think it’d be fun to go?”
Authors Note: before war started (ahem GLORIOUS RIVALS ahem) 😪😪
Libby thought about it, picturing a lively room, champagne glasses, and a beautiful dress, reserved for her.
And then she pictured herself in that beautiful dress, and her eyes darted away from Nash’s.
“Um, I don’t know.” she answered weakly. She picked at her nails, expecting Nash to finish the sentence for her, before being met with silence. She looked towards him, sat beside her on the couch, his attention all on her as he no longer flipped through movies. His eyebrow was raised, as if gesturing Libby to go on in a gentle manner. Libby straightened.
“Well, it just seems like a boring event, you know?” Libby managed, her excuse sounding flimsy to her own ears. Nash’s stare intensified, but his eyes were still soft.
“Liar.” he drawled, his voice gentle. Libby glared at him.
“I’m not lying! Seriously, put me in a room with one of those lie detecting machines and the guy behind it will be yelling “true”s all night.” Libby said defensively. Nash just gave a half-shrug.
“Y’know, I believe Xander has one of those,” Nash started, reaching for his phone. “I could always ask him to swing by—“
“No!” Libby blurted, reaching for his hand and yanking it away from his phone that was sitting on the coffee table. She mentally cursed herself, but Nash just took his other hand and wrapped it around one of Libby’s, the one that was clutching his.
“Baby,” he said gently, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I’m not putting you under a lie detector test. I trust you with my whole life. I just think that there’s something botherin’ you, and I wanna know why that is.”
Libby felt tears start to well up in her eyes, but she blinked them away rapidly, turning her head away from Nash’s gaze.
“Nothing.” she lied. Nash gently took his hand under her chin, turning her head to look at her.
“Are you sure?” he pried softly.
“Yes, I’m sure. Don’t worry about it Nash.” Libby said, growing more and more defensive.
“I said don’t worry!” Libby erupted, rising from the couch to her feet. She immediately felt guilty, eyes widening with regret.
“I didn’t mean that,” she said, looking down. Then her eyes squeezed shut. “I don’t know what that was. I don’t know if that was me or just my dumb mood swings.” Then her eyes reopened as Libby turned away from Nash, and Libby knew that she had just entered her ranting mode, something that tended to happen oftener and oftener now that she was pregnant. “Actually, I don’t know if anything is me anymore! I don’t know if I actually don’t like cottage cheese, or if I just tried it when I was pregnant and set myself up for failure. I don’t know if I was always this sensitive. And I especially don’t know if these thoughts in my head or mine, or just another result of pregnancy! Why is everything in my life just another result of pregnancy?”
There was a long pause after that, and Libby felt the tears that she had been holding back for what seemed like weeks now finally start to fall. A sob racked her chest, and Libby wrapped her arms around herself, trying to curl into a ball the best she could while standing. In the quickest moment, Nash had his arms around her, pulling her into his chest while Libby just couldn’t help but cry more. Then he spoke.
“These thoughts?” Nash finally asked, his voice soft and gentle in a way that just made Libby want to cry more. “Libby, darling, what thoughts?”
Another sob escaped from Libby’s lips. She gently took the arms wrapped around Libby off of her, moving her face out of Nash’s chest to look at him. He had so much concern and worry etched into his face, even in the subtlest of ways, that Libby had to stop herself from crying again. She quickly wiped the tears from her face, before looking Nash dead in the eye.
“Nash,” she started quietly, and although her voice was soft, she knew she had his full attention. “I want to ask you something and I want you to answer honestly.”
“Always.” Nash answered, taking one of her hands in his and interlocking their fingers. Libby swallowed.
“Do you still… do you still think I’m pretty now that I’m pregnant?” she asked, her voice a mere whisper.
Nash looked at her. Blinked.
“Do I still think you’re pretty?” Nash repeated.
He took a step back then, his finger stroking his chin as if in thought, while his eyes narrowed at her like an artist inspecting its masterpiece. Libby blew out a laugh then, clasping a hand over her mouth.
“Well, let’s see.” He started, removing the hand over her mouth. “Perfect lips. Eyes even I get poetic about, brown and dark and so full of emotion that sometimes, when I look into them, I feel as if I’m experiencing more of what you’re feeling than I am. Hair the sweetest teal colour while the ends border on black, a perfect body with beautiful curves, and,” Nash sank to his knees as he trailed off, pecking kisses on Libby’s bulge. “I couldn’t forget about your perfect stomach that’s carrying our perfect babies.”
Libby giggled. “Nash, stop!” she protested, weakly attempting to pry Nash’s face away from her stomach. He slowly rose, trailing kisses up her stomach to her chest, her collarbone, her neck, and finally, her lips. Libby kissed him back, before separating, feeling like she had more to say.
“Nash…” she started, the words disappearing on her tongue. Libby swallowed, found the courage to speak again, and continued. “I know my body is changing a lot. And I know you claimed it’s “perfect”, but… I know I’m not desirable right now. You don’t have to lie.”
Nash stepped forward, tilting her chin up to meet his gaze. His eyes were stormy, and Libby realized then that Nash was genuinely upset that she was viewing herself in this way.
“Darlin’, who says you aren’t desirable?” he said, his voice teetering on a dark edge. Libby shook her head.
“No one in particular! But…” Libby said, swallowing. “All I see nowadays are skinny models, and influencers, and all I can remember is how I used to look. Obviously there’s nothing wrong with the way I look now. But it just doesn’t feel like me. And I don’t know… I always see people acting like gaining weight is terrible. But the biggest part of pregnancy is weight gain. So now it just feels like I’m this metaphorical squirrel, chasing this metaphorical acorn of alleged “perfection”. But now matter how fast I run, trying to chase the metaphorical beauty standard acorn, it always rolls faster away, just out of reach. It’s been out of reach for me as a goth my whole life. And now that I put on weight, it’s even farther. And do you know what the worst part of this is?” Libby threw her hands up. “I don’t even know what I’m talking about anymore!”
Nash smoothed a hand down her hair as he pulled her down onto the couch with him. “Let’s try to work through the facts. You’re a fellow metaphorical squirrel, trying to survive in a world full of other metaphorical squirrels who are chasing only one thing; the metaphorical acorn of physical perfection?” he tried. Libby nodded.
“Okay. And you see this acorn in your vision, so naturally, as a squirrel, you chase it. But you’re a different kind of squirrel. You don’t really fit in with the normal crowd, because you’re a thigh-high boots lovin’, choker wearin’, goth. But the desire to chase it is still there. And now that your body is changing a little more because you’re cookin’ up something real good in that oven of yours, you feel the need to chase the acorn for even a slight feeling of normalcy. Right?” Nash finished.
Libby gaped. He was, in fact, right. Damn Nash Hawthorne and his ability to make even the dumbest things coherent.
“Yes! Exactly!” Libby exclaimed, pointing. Then she dropped her hands, sighing. “But I don’t know. I mean, my arms and legs have gotten bigger, my stomach is just huge, and—“ Libby cut herself off, cheeks tinging red. “And my boobs are just so much bigger than they were!”
Nash couldn’t help but let out a rumbling laugh. “Oh, I’ve noticed. Didn’t know we started listing my greatest desires back there, but yeah, darl’, those are on the list.”
Libby let out a screaming-squealing noise, hitting Nash multiple times on the arm while he ducked his head, laughing louder.
“Look, look,” he said, a smile still on his face. “I adore you. Not just for your body, but for so many reasons that I couldn’t even begin to form them into words. But believe me, your body is just as gorgeous as it was before.”
Libby’s face turned scarlet, but even as the comment was suggestive, it was comforting too. And she knew that Nash knew that as well.
“Thanks, Nash.” Libby whispered. Nash pulled her into his lap, kissing the top of her head.
And it was like a switch had been flipped in Nash. Libby had always known that he found her attractive, and Nash was always all for compliments, but now it seemed that she was giving him the green light to make his comments rain.
First, it was whenever they were baking.
Libby put the first batch of cupcakes into the oven, tapping the buttons.
“Nice mixing, cowboy.” Libby praised as she walked by Nash to the sink.
“Nice legs, Chef.” Nash replied.
Libby stayed turned so he wouldn’t see her pink cheeks.
Then, it was whenever Libby was helping Nash out with around the house chores.
Libby handed Nash a new sponge, the old one practically being on its death bed.
“Here,” she chirped, handing it to him. His eyes moved down her body with grace, landing back on her face with a smirk.
“Thanks, gorgeous.” he drawled. Libby rolled her eyes, turning away so he wouldn’t see the embarrassed look on her face. Taking the package of sponges, Libby bent down to put them away, and immediately knew his eyes were back on her.
“Where are your eyes right now, Nash?” Libby demanded. Nash chuckled.
And lastly, it was when Max and Avery came over after their shopping spree to “grace Libby with their gifts” (Max’s words, not hers). And grace her they did. They brought her baby clothes, books that Max insisted she read, and, of course, clothes.
However, there was one in the large pile that they had bought for her that really stood out.
The chest area seemed to be almost like a corset, tight, but at the same time having a soft fabric on the inside. And the rest? It was all dark purple lace, with long, bell like sleeves and an open area for her belly bulge, and Libby had no doubt that the girls picked it because of all the complaints Libby made about shirts feeling too restricting on her stomach.
“You like it, huh?” Max asked, eyes twinkling. “Avery picked it.”
Libby looked up at Avery, who gave her a simple half shrug. “As soon as I saw it, I just knew it’d be perfect for you, Libs.”
Libby looked at it. Really looked at it. And then she couldn’t help a smile from making its way onto her face.
“Yeah. It’s perfect.” Libby said, her voice soft. Then her eyes met the girls’, and there was a twinkle in them. “I’m gonna go try it on!”
The room erupted with cheers as Libby grabbed the shirt, hurrying to her room to go change.
As soon as Libby put the shirt on, tied up the back, and looked in the mirror, she just knew that this shirt was meant for her. It was perfect.
For once, she felt perfect. And maybe that was all because of Nash. Even now, she could practically hear all the comments he’d make if he were here to see this shirt right now.
Giggling, Libby gave herself one last spin in front of the mirror, before exiting the room and making her way to the girls. Avery’s mouth made an o shape when she saw Libby, and Max squealed.
“Omigod, you look amazing, Libby!” Max screeched, clapping her hands together. Avery laughed.
“Yeah, you really do.” Avery agreed, smiling. Libby was just about to say something, when the front door opened. Libby smiled. Nash was back from work.
Nash was going to go wild at the sight of her.
“Hey Libs, I’m back—“ Nash said, abruptly stopping when he walked past the living room and saw Libby in that top. Libby giggled, walking up to him.
“You like it? Avery and Max got it for me.” Libby said, a smirk on her face as she strolled up to him. Nash just stared a moment longer, his eyes taking in the fit of the shirt, before they met Libby’s. He smiled a big, wolfish smile, and Libby just knew where this was going. He pulled her in by the waist, swept her low, which was impressive considering he was using one arm and Libby was pregnant with twins, and kissed her. It was desperate, breathtaking—but at the same time, slow, like he was revelling in her.
Max and Avery exploded, Avery doubtlessly being the voice who told them to get a room, whereas Max was cheering them on. Finally, once they separated, Nash pulled her back up, his grin never failing to make her heart catch.
“We’re going out for dinner tonight, and you’re wearing that shirt. You look stunning, darlin’.” Nash said, pressing another kiss to her neck. Libby giggled, ducking her head.
“Alright, we should be leaving. You guys are making me sick.” Avery declared, getting up and faking a disgusted face. Avery gave Libby a hug, the sisters sharing goodbyes, before she went to grab her coat. Max, however, lingered a second, before running to the couple.
“Ignore her. You guys are faxing cute. Couple goals.” Max stage-whispered, grinning as she hugged Libby. She stayed a second longer, her face looking oddly… shy. Was Max physically capable of being shy? “And your children are going to be seriously lucky.” Without another word, she sprinted off towards Avery. Nash was momentarily surprised.
“A genuine compliment from Max? Without her creative swear words and pop culture jokes I’ll never understand?” Nash considered, before chuckling. “The world has changed.” Libby smiled.
“I don’t know. But… she seems right.” Libby said. Nash stared at her. Libby had just admitted to her children being lucky to have her as a mother, and Nash as a father. She had no doubt about the second half of that statement, but the first half had been something she always struggled with. But now? With Nash by her side, helping her grow her confidence and kindness in how she saw herself? Libby believed it.
Then, a smile grew on his lips, and Libby saw that Nash was looking at her with awe. She’d do just about anything to keep him looking at her in that way.
“I love you, Libby. You’re my everything. And you’ll be their everything too, I guarantee that.” Nash said, pressing a kiss to Libby’s lips, before bowing and pressing a kiss to her stomach. His lips lingered there, before he straightened again and met Libby’s eyes. Libby smiled, happy tears shining her eyes.
“I love you too, Nash.” Libby said, reaching out to hold his hands. He immediately interlocked their fingers, pressing a kiss to her knuckle. Libby’s smile widened. “And you know what?” Libby laughed then, viewing the insecurities as a barrier.
A barrier she had finally broken.
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@beautifulmusicengineer i dedicated this whole squirrel rant to you as i am indeed squirrel girl 🐿️🐿️🐿️
Alsooo ik ive changed the font size from small to regular, but ive recently discovered that changing it is a colossal waste of time, so yeah LOL 😝😝😝
Also also ALSO i hope i tackled this whole body changing subject carefully? Even though i made some suggestive jokes, i just want my audience to understand that i do understand the toll that a womans body changing through pregnancy can take on them!! Gaining weight is a perfectly normal thing, even more so when pregnant, but society and beauty standards are harsh on how a womens body “should look”. Libby is a regular person just like us all, and she too gets affected by these unfair expectations. So please do not at all think that i am mocking the struggles that pregnant women may experience with their bodies, or that i am trying to degrade women who gain weight during pregnancy, OR give the idea whatsoever that gaining weight is something to be ashamed about!! Your bodies are constantly changing through life, from birth to death, and living life in resentment of your bodily changes is a path we as people should never be forced to go down.
And on a less serious note… i hope you enjoyed this. Sorry for yapping in your ear about beauty standards for a whole paragraph. i guarantee you if you skipped past this little monologue moment, your life would probably be better for it 🙃