#lilyrambles

[funnythingsidk]

trying not to cry at lunch bc theyre in THE POSE

[angelicdestielgirl]

The supernatural youtube channel strikes once again

Ah a full hour

Such a blessing that admin runner is

[the-littlest-lily]

Happy July~

I hope those of you who are also in the northern hemisphere are surviving the heat! I know I've continued to be quiet here, especially now that I've pulled back on S+P. I just wanted to give an update because I've been taking a big step back from my online life and felt the need to pop back in.

(CW health challenges)

Last month was full on crisis mode for me, but I'm now just coming out of it in a better place. To be a bit more transparent than usual - I've been having non-stop uncomfortable head symptoms since December, and after rounds of seeing doctors and testing and trying things and nothing working, they finally decided to do an MRI of the brain. I was then told at the beginning of June that there is likely something wrong - the paperwork literally called it a brain “disease” when ordering follow-up MRIs - but I wouldn't be able to see a neurologist to discuss these scans until beginning of July. I cannot describe how unbearably stressful the past month was. I've been in a pretty dark place if I'm being honest.

Cut to the neurology appointment…. and it turns out all of this seems to be a false alarm, she didn't think there was cause for concern from the scans. Fucking PHEW. I do have follow-ups to keep an eye on it, and I'm sure I'll be recovering from the stressful wait for a while yet (like I wish it could have been possible that a neurologist look over the scans right away and gave me a call saying that I'm probably fine, ahead of my appointment…. ah well). Plus, unfortunately this all means that I'm back to square one and have no idea what is causing these shitty symptoms. There are next steps, and I'm going to keep attempting to figure things out, as hopeless as it's starting to feel. But in the meantime, I'm going to try and utilize this relief that it's not as serious as I feared and hopefully energize myself to start pulling my life back together, best I can. I have a lot of catching up and self care to do! And I'm looking forward to no longer being in crisis mode. 😊

I'm not sure what this will mean creatively quite yet. I haven't altogether stopped drawing/writing - creative projects can sometimes be a good distraction after all. But I've also just been reevaluating a lot of stuff in my life, focusing on my IRL family and friends, rethinking my relationship with size and with the community. Just a lot of processing to do. But I certainly hope that this means I'll start feeling more inspired to create again!

Thanks for all of the sweet messages of support or to check in, I hope this helps answer some of the questions. Sending lots of love!!

[lilysaus]

what if the skeld was intentionally an older generation of ship? what if it was intentionally in such poor condition? what if most cargo trips like that are usually better funded, better staffed, on better ships with better equipment and better security measures? what if that trip was always meant to be doomed? what if none of them were meant to survive, and by some unintentional miracle, red and purple did?

imagine the reactor starts failing again. red and purple dont have the expertise to fix it, the hand scanners arent working this time, and they need to make an emergency landing on a nearby planet, aka polus. they land the skeld (surprisingly well considering red doesnt seem to know what theyre doing half the time) and are immediately greeted by the research crew. and after telling their story of what happened to everyone on the ship, the polus crew tells them, in a mortified tone, that their crew shouldnt have been that small. they shouldnt have died so quickly to something like that. their ship is far too old and broken down. the cargo should have been sealed in air-tight containers. they shouldve been better paid. just the idea of there being an unpaid intern with no specific job or a freaking prize winner from a wealthy family on board horrifies them. the cameras didnt record, didnt have sound, and were in black and white?! the shields were down the whole trip?! there werent safety measures in case of a hull breach?! comms were connected to the skelds structural integrity?! the goddamn shipment was left unsecured and open to the air when almost everyone who usually ran those trips knew it was dangerous alien ore?!

cue red and purple slowly realizing that not a single person on that ship was supposed to make it out alive, and by sheer luck and determination, they were the only ones to do so. that shipment was never expected to make it back, because the crew was expected to die before it ever did. information was intentionally kept from all of them, even orange, for the sake of letting them all die in space, paranoid and cut off from everyone else. the reactor would have eventually exploded due to no one being there to fix it, and mira could have played it off as "oh wow one of our older ships was hijacked by a bunch of rogue crewmates and it blew up with them in it while in space oh no, what a shame." and if anyone asks about white or green, who as far as im aware are the only two who canonically mention having people waiting for them back home? oh, yeah, those rogue crewmates kidnapped the two of them as a hostage type of deal, yeah, we tried to save them before they took off but it was too late, were sorry, here, we can compensate you, dont worry, just grieve quietly and dont blame us.

[lily-s-world]

I am of the idea that all vampire characters are queer until proven otherwise.

[scornedlilyofthevalley]

Can you believe it guys? Lily on estrogen, potentially a week away! Lily's on estrogen potentially in a week!! Woohoo! I am so happy about this information!!

[jake-and-amy-are-married]

We have to start somewhere AKA bachelor  winteriron AU

Tony didn’t know what the hell he had been doing when he had given the last rose to Bucky. For sure his brain had been melted down to a thick soupy puddle after the last couple of days being stuck around so many men who wanted him. It was a concept he couldn’t really wrap his head around. Not only had the last day been an exercise of  dancing around his feelings with Steve, trying to avoid having to spend any time with him alone, the grapevine had filled with the rumors that Steve and Stephen (God what even was his life anymore???) had almost gotten into a fist fight over their affections towards him. He had kind of expected this from Steve who had obviously not expected so much true competition when he was working hard to win Tony back, ( and did he even want Steve to try and win him back? ;The only time he had been this emotionally confused was when he had been dying of Palladium poisoning)

               When Tony had asked for more details from his only source of pseudo-information, Peter, he had just shrugged and told him that it had been over who cared for Tony more. It had been painfully obvious that Peter had been withholding the true reason for their fight, so instead of picking either of them, like he had planned previously, his hand had automatically moved towards the tall quiet man who had been looming to his right.

               There were audible gasps when everyone saw what he had been doing, but Tony didn’t pay attention to any of them, his eyes trained on Bucky. Maybe it was a simple act of pettiness towards Steve, showing him that he could be cruel too, choosing his best friend over himself, but Tony had a strong inkling that it wasn’t why he had given the rose to Bucky. When Bucky didn’t come forward to take the rose immediately, Tony’s mouth twitched to a smirk and he looked up at him (damn Bucky’s stupidly attractive wavy hair, damn his annoyingly attractive sharp features, his dreamy blue eyes and sigh stupid extra inches of height) and cleared his throat and  said “well what are you waiting for Buckaroo, a blinking flashing light that says “YES  I want to take you out on a date?” Bucky huffed out what could been a laugh, but nevertheless, he crossed the thin invisible line and came close to Tony and accepted the rose. His flesh arm shook scrupulously as he took the rose, his face carefully blank, but he wasn’t fooling Tony. His blue blue eyes were filled with surprise, intrigue and a bit of what looked like genuine joy and Tony had been in this game for far too long, he knew that Bucky wasn’t capable of faking any of those emotions.”I thought you would never ask” Bucky replied, his voice splayed with a hint of a Brooklyn accent.

[funnythingsidk]

i am severely weak against the “older character takes children under their wing so that they can (hopefully) live a better life than they ever could” i fear