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gang i just got to have a very intensive conversation with my dad about project hail mary (book and movie, ive read the book and hes seen the movie) and science and space this is so awesome

#my little brother wanted to know more about space and i got on a tangent about phm #and then my dad came downstairs and we started talking about the real science behind phm #and its been awesome #and im still going #anyways #random shit #lilyslife #lilyrambles #phm #project hail mary #phm book #phm movie #project hail mary book #project hail mary movie

anyways im all good now gang i was just having a bit of a mental break 👍

#im fine now #i was just in A Mood™ earlier

wow ive never vent posted on main so much so sorry it wont ever happen again and ill shut up forever now

do not perceive me or face The Anxiety™

#vent #anxiety #tw vent #anxious #feeling anxious

.

#i cant even go outside for fresh air because now that i know theres mosquitoes outside im not willingly hanging out in the backyard #no thank you #nuh uh #you could not pay me to do that #id rather not have to deal with mosquito bites on top of everything else #please god no #im perfectly happy hiding in the bathroom until its time to go home #and then hiding in my room unmoving not eating or drinking until someone has to directly remind me #im so #im just #hhhhhhhhhhhhhh #vent #tw vent

.

#i actually hate going to church now #its #its not that i dont believe in god anymore #or even that i dont like the people or the religion itself #i still believe a lot of it fully #it just feels so tedious and awful now #especially because i have to be crammed into a tiny pew right next to my mother whom i am slowly learning to dislike #not hate #not yet #but #im not oblivious to her gaslighting anymore #and her tendency to deflect blame #and her batshit wild desire to always point out what im doing wrong #i could literally spend the day doing exactly what she asks and shed say “you shouldve done all that without being asked”#i could literally just be doing a load of laundry or trying to clean my room and its “is that productive for the rest of us though?”#i cant make her happy #and im forced to sit next to her and hear the same lessons over and over every sunday #i dont want to anymore #but the moment i say that #im betraying my family and im selfish and evil and the devil has gotten me #well he has and he lives in my head screaming at me that im a failure and a disappointment and you arent helping mother #idk #i dont know where this is coming from #i should be fine #but im not #whatever man #vent #tw vent

sometimes i look at my past posts and wonder if anyone would notice if i never posted again

#if i deleted this blog would anyone even know

feeling sick to my stomach with so many bad feelings

me: spends several minutes carefully reblogging specific posts so that kind of content is the only thing i see on my dash

me: reblogs one post of a different topic because it made me cackle

tumblr: so you want 50 million of that kind of post, got it

#no i want what ive been carefully curating for the past HALF AN HOUR TUMBLR #im in a SPECIFIC MOOD and need SPECIFIC POSTS so just FUCK OFF #sorry im in a MOOD today so uh. this is pissing me off more than it usually would-#random shit #lilyrants #lilyrambles

yo, give me phm fic recommendations. i literally do not care what the content is, could be just silly shenanigans, could be bloodymary, could be angsty, could be anything. i just want good reads.

#and yes this includes any nsfw recs too #i am not ashamed #well #maybe a lil cause im saying this in the tags but #you know what i mean #phm #project hail mary #bloodymary #random shit #lilyrambles

okay idk if this is something anyone else has experienced but im starting to get annoyed by this.

tumblr mobile does this stupid thing now where if you dont like. stay on the app for a full 10 seconds after posting/reblogging something then your reblog gets eaten by the void and disappears forever.

and like. cmon tumblr. i dont want to have to type out that paragraph of tags again. whered my post go? cmon, tumblr, just gimme my post back. jesus christ its annoying.

#i dont even know how to report this #like #cmon dude #random shit #vent #tumblr fix your fucking app

gang i completely forgot that ryan gosling starred in the fall guy. ive been so confused seeing all the "colt seavers and ryland grace are twins" fan content going "who the hell is colt seavers and why does everyone want him to be rylands twin" and then while scrolling through ao3 i saw one tag mention the fall guy and i just about fell out of bed because OH. OH YEAH. THAT MOVIE THAT I LITERALLY WATCHED IN THEATERS TWICE. RIGHT. THAT COLT SEAVERS. YEAH.

#my brain works in strange and mysterious ways (as in sometimes it doesnt work at all)#anyways #just some random thing #idk #ryland grace and colt seavers are twins #random shit #coltland twins

you know what sucks. feeling awful, hating yourself, feeling like a burden, and knowing exactly why all of those feelings are happening and knowing that 90% of the friends you have would wholeheartedly disagree and even have reasons for doing so. i know im probably just overthinking and having a mental break, but that doesnt mean i know how to stop it, or even that i want to, for some odd reason.

it is done. i have finished reading the book. and HOLY SHIT. the child in me that used to steal my dads phone to use the star finding app he had is so happy right now. ive always loved space. and im no stranger to all the theories about extraterrestrial life and all that. so this book, this whole CONCEPT, is what ive dreamed of from childhood. its incredible. amaze, amaze, amaze!!

#not to mention im almost positive that all the math was truly accurate to the point that this VERY WELL COULD BE real #itd be terrifying if it ended up being real #the earth would freeze and most everyone would starve #but hey #then we would pull through #because of this movie #wed know #what to do #how to get to that point #perfect #amaze amaze amaze #project hail mary #project hail mary book #phm #phm book

new vocal stim unlocked: rocky mate bad as hell statement

#no i have not reached any mention of adrian in the book yet #yes i only got this from comments and fanart ive seen on tumblr #no i do not care #this shit took less than 24 hours to become a vocal stim dude #dude im already obsessed #i love the book so far #anyways #project hail mary #project hail mary book #phm #phm book #rocky mate bad as hell statement

guess whos finally reading project hail mary

#I LOVE IT #I LOVE IT SO MUCH #IM ONLY ON THE LIKE FIFTHS OR SIXTHS CHAPTER IDK I STOPPED COUNTING #BUT HOLY SHIT #THIS IS WHY I LOVE SPACE AND SCIENCE AND SHIT #ITS SO COOL #I WISH I COULD WATCH THE MOVIE BUT UNTIL I CAN IM PERFECTLY CONTENT WITH THE BOOK #HELL YES #project hail mary #phm #project hail mary book #phm book

Nothing but pointless distractions from the inevitable.

fanart for @lover-without-a-heart ! ive been wanting to draw this goober for a while. its not my best (i havent drawn caine in like two years, cut me some slack), but i had the itch and needed to throw some fanart your way-

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