With one of them a Waterwitch Paladin and the other one a Carawen monk and both of them badasses, Stix and Lizl would be an absolute powerhouse if they were to work together on something
Safi, No (a Witchlands Fanfiction) - Chapter Sixteen
Written with @un-empressed, who wrote both POV’s for this chapter.
Read the other chapters here: Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven | Chapter Eight | Chapter Nine | Chapter Ten | Chapter Eleven | Chapter Twelve | Chapter Thirteen | Chapter Fourteen | Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Summary:
Aeduan finally learns about Leopold and Safi setting him and Iseult up. Merik wants to be a better person, and doesn't know how.
Also on Ao3!
Now that their - no, Safi's, for he definitely didn't think about it as something, anything, other than a burden - revenge plot was over, Aeduean doubted he'd hear from the crazy people again. It was almost sad.
But then Leopold called him and the possibility was no longer anything but heavenly.
Aeduan sighed. "Let me guess, someone bumped into Safi and didn't say sorry?"
It was a stupid thing to say. Everyone knew Safi would've started another revenge plan even if the person apologised. He could just hear her voice in his head, talking about how it was "obviously sarcastic" or whatever other shit she thought could excuse wanting to ruin someone's life.
"No. Maybe. Not that I know of. She told you that?" Leopold asked. Aeduan rolled his eyes. It didn't even seem all that unrealistic knowing Safi. He wondered for probably the thousandth time how (and why) Iseult endured her best friend's crazy, borderline obsessive ramblings. It must have been some kind of superpower, or at least an admirable amount of skill.
"What were you going to say, Leopold? And make it quick, I have places to be." Aeduan did not, and even if he did, Leopold wouldn't care.
"Oh, yeah! How was your date with Iseult the other day?"
"What?"
"She refused to give us any details and said some things that were rather hurtful, if you ask me."
Oh, how Aeduan was going to murder Leopold one day. It would be a sweet, sweet revenge for all of the suffering that the idiot put him through.
"I don't know what Iseult said to you - or, well, about you - but I agree. It wasn't a date, you assholes abandoned us in that ice cream shop," Aeduan said. He hoped his lack of amusement carried well through his voice.
"Yeah, so you could have a date! Don't you get it now?"
Aeduan was going to murder both Leopold and Safi when he saw them. A date? Seriously? They were both nightmares, and Aeduan was determined to wake up.
"You're an asshole," Aeduan said instead of goodbye. It seemed more fitting, although every bye said to Leopold was a good bye. The best bye. The most fulfilling bye.
Aeduan didn't know what to do with this new information. Was it an actual date? What did Iseult think about it? Did he even want it to be a date? No. He didn't. Of course he didn't. That was ridiculous. Iseult was just a friend. Barely even a friend, he didn't know anything about her! Well, except her favourite book, but she talked about it a lot. And that she liked strawberry ice cream. And her dog's name. And he knew how she met Safi, but that was really only said because Aeduan was intrigued. Not by Iseult. Never by Iseult. He was just intrigued by their differences, and how they could be such good friends beside them. Aeduan couldn't even make friends with people painfully similar to him.
He was still stuck in a childhood rivalry with one of his neighbours. They were both too stubborn to admit the other had good qualities, and yet before the whole revenge plot thing, she was the closest thing to a friend Aeduan had ever had. It was confusing, but Aeduan didn't like to dwell on it too much. He didn't think about Lizl unless he absolutely had to, and he didn't think about her as anything other than a bother.
She used to be the most annoying, pretentious person Aeduan knew, but that changed as soon as he met Leopold. Not that he was going to tell Lizl that. She would probably try to somehow become even more of a jerk to him, simply because she couldn't stand not being number one, even if it was in annoying a person.
Aeduan had a feeling even Lizl would admit Leopold was annoying, and she usually became best friends with all the people Aeduan found even slightly unlikeable, ruining them and their whole family in his eyes by doing that. Perhaps she thought she was doing them a favour.
Lizl would have told Leopold to fuck off, and Aeduan now wished he had done just that. He hoped Iseult did. Iseult. He should message her. Why didn't she tell him they were being set up, if she knew?
No matter how Aeduan started the message, he kept erasing it. He finally decided to call her. It would be much simpler, right? That way he wouldn't have the time to be nervous. No, not nervous. He wasn't nervous. There was no reason to be. It was just Iseult. They talked before, in an exclusively platonical way.
Iseult picked up right away. "Hey!"
"Leopold told me we were apparently on a date," Aeduan said, skipping the greetings.
"Wait, you didn't know?" Iseult asked. She sounded less like she was making fun of him and more like she was actually shocked, "I mean, not that I thought it was a date, but you should've known that was what they considered it."
It did seem reasonable that Leopold and Safi would overreact like that, but Aeduan found that there was something slightly dishonest in Iseult's voice.
"Yeah, you're right. They're both assholes."
"Calling Safi an asshole is my job. She is one, but no one else is allowed to say it." Aeduan smiled at that, and then he did his best to stop it. To wear a neutral facial expression. He ddidn't even know why he smiled. There was just something about the usually reasonable Iseult being hypocritical from time to time. Or rather there was just something about Iseult. They were friends, and Aeduan...appreciated her. In a completely platonic, friendly, meant to disappoint Safi and Leopold way.
"Am I allowed to call her an idiot? Just this one time?".
Aeduan didn't know why he was asking for permission. He didn't need it. He didn't need Iseult to allow him to do anything. And yet it didn't seem so bad when she laughed.
"This one time."
[x]
Merik was never less glad to find out that he was right. Usually he hated being wrong, and denied it if he was, but this time he wished he was overreacting when he said that there was a plot against him. Kullen and Ryber didn't tell him where they were going at first. Maybe it would've been better if they had.
If they told him, he wouldn't've been sitting in front of Safi, confused and only slightly enraged. She showed him her phone, filled with half assed apologies sent in a group full of people he never met. Well, most of them anyway. Merik would never admit it, but he was kind of hurt to see Vivia's name in the group chat. They were making progress, and yet...Merik really had to fix himself. If so many people thought him self absorbed, it had to be the truth.
He used to believe it just meant it was him against the world, and he wasn't a big fan of letting the majority decide what a person was like, but if Kullen and Ryber agreed too, it had to mean something.
Kullen made Safi give Merik her phone number, which Merik didn't know what to do with. But his thoughts were too much all at once, and he needed to face them. Not alone, though. He couldn't do it alone. And he couldn't do it with Kullen, or any of his friends either. He didn't need someone to comfort him, he needed someone to show him what to fix. And so Merik found himself texting Safiya fon Hasstrel, self proclaimed master of bribery and corruption, whatever that was. Oh my God I really am an asshole. The reply came quickly. Duh.
Not helping. What makes me an asshole?
Merik could imagine her rolling her eyes as she read the message. Idk, I'm not your therapist.
Merik found her answer strangely comforting, mainly because everyone else did pretend to be his therapist. But you owe me since you made a revenge plot against me.
Fucking ask literally anybody else, I think Kullen will kill me if I give you the whole list.
Kullen wouldn't. Would he? He might possibly. Safi did say he stormed into her best friend's house mad as hell. Merik never saw Kullen mad, but it must have been at least slightly terrifying. He was taller than anyone Merik had ever met and that could be scary at times.
If we meet up in person I'll have no evidence.
Merik didn't spend a lot of time talking to Safi during the day she apologised. Kullen later told him how he found out, and how he had to literally convince Safi's friend to tell her to apologise. She probably didn't even want to be there, and she had tried to get out of apologising by insisting that they were both assholes and that this was "a lesson learned" for both of them.
That's why Merik was surprised when she accepted, telling him to meet her at the ice cream place. Okay then.
He told Vivia where he was going. She shot him an apologetic look. They hadn't really talked about the revenge plan, or her involvement in it. Merik didn't want to know why Safi put the special emphasis on it when he noted that Vivia was in the group chat. He didn't want to know.
Was it him being an asshole again? He couldn't tell. That was exactly why he needed to talk with the one person who would bluntly tell him all of it. Sure, he could have asked either Vivia or Stix to do it, but he didn't want to jeopardise the progress he'd made with either of them.
He didn't want to be friends with Safi. He just wanted to understand why she didn't want to be friends with him. Why she made up a whole plot against him.
And it seemed that she loved explaining it to him. As soon as Merik got to the ice cream place, Safi started talking about it being "the place where all her genius plans to spite him were born". Merik didn't appreciate too much, but he knew he needed to hear it.
He didn't want to add onto the ever growing pile of evidence that he was way worse than he thought, but he just had to ask about the jackets bearing the bizarre motto of the group.
Safi was more than glad to explain that bribery and corruption was her method of "gaining allies". Merik snorted at that.
"Don't look at me like that, it worked on Vaness and your sister just fine!"
Merik was wondering how she got Vaness to help her, but what he didn't understand was why Vivia had to be "bribed and corrupted" into it. The revenge plot seemed like something she would get involved in without a second thought.
Did Vivia not hate him as much as he thought? It would stay a mystery, because Merik was going to deny this conversation ever took place.
"Maybe, but they know me and are greatly annoyed by me for whatever reason." Safi rolled her eyes, even despite the small smile on her face. "I mean, if I was just a stranger to them, they would never. Well, maybe Vaness. She likes to make people feel irrelevant."
That made Safi full on laugh. "Our Nessie does need to work on her social skills," she said.
"Nessie? She'll have your head for that."
"Just my head? But my neck might get lonely."
The joke wasn't even that funny, but Merik still laughed at the proud expression on her face. She was truly something else.
As the conversation progressed, she made even more stupid jokes. It was only when Merik got home that he realised how the conversation wasn't about his own faults when it wasn't a set up for a play on words.
She also asked if he wanted to join "the new revenge plan". Merik didn't know why, but he accepted. It was a spur of the moment thing. Dragging his friends into the agreement was, on the other side, a completely conscious decision.
It wasn't why he went to meet up with her at the first place, but Merik couldn't deny that it was nice. They weren't friends, so they could insult each other as much as they wanted to. Merik didn't know that arguments could be playful or anything than just outright frustrating. But whatever it was with him and Safi, it was more pleasant than he'd ever admit, and he suspected that she was the same.
The witchlands characters and how badly they would fail at trying to make someone jealous (or if they wouldn't fail)
Safi - I feel like she would go about it the way I wrote it in my one shot Restless: a little overdone, but ultimately successful
Iseult - The mere fact that she was trying would get Aeduan jealous, not the talent with which she does it. Because she would do it poorly
Merik - He takes Kullen's advice on how to do it, so it's a train wreck. At least it makes them all laugh
Aeduan - What he's doing is so awkward and obvious that it literally could not be successful (not that it would ever have to be)
Vivia - I'm going against my gut instinct on this to say she would actually be really good at it. She's spent years showing people the parts of her they want to see, so this would really just be showing other people what she wants them to see for a little while
Stix - She would give it her all but kind of fizzle out halfway through and stop to explain what the issue is
Kullen - Oh he would never
Ryber - ^^^
Vaness - Everybody is already jealous of Vaness for one reason or another. She doesn't need to waste time trying
Leopold - It would start to go according to plan, but then he would take it way too far and everyone involved would be upset by the end of it, including himself
Caden - Okay he would actually do a good job. He's canonically a flirt and apparently a pretty good one
Lev - It would be very silly and no one would fall for it, but I'm having a great time trying to imagine it
Zander - He wouldn't bother. If he had a problem with somebody, he would actually try to communicate with them so they could fix it
Lizl - Not even romance-wise, she would just pick up a weapon and do something incredibly badass to remind people that she's better than them
Wish list for the final Witchlands book: Lizl showing up out of nowhere with her new Abbot's cloak while everything is going to hell and jumping to their rescue while tallying up life debts like it's normal and to be expected
I've mentioned this before but I absolutely adore the scene in Bloodwitch when Aeduan refuses to look up to talk to Lizl and therefore just moves his eyes instead of his whole head because otherwise he'd be admitting that...uh...she was tall?
