a/n - this is angsty god i’m sorry i was in a bad mood
-
things weren’t going great between you and james. not the way they used to.
you used to be able to walk the halls, wide smiles on both of your faces. you used to hold hands and dance through the common room, you used to be able to confidently say he looked at you like you put the stars in the sky.
it wasn’t quite the same anymore.
james wouldn’t meet your eyes in charms class, he would let go of your hand in the halls, he’d go to bed early on saturday nights. it was different, like he was closed off, distant.
you didn’t know what it was, well, not until one fateful saturday morning.
tthe firday nighr before was long, study filled and absolutely exhausting. yet, you were looking forward to saturday, a free day that james promised you he’d spend by your side.
he had left early the night before, claiming one of the boys needed help, and as one to respect their friendship, you didn’t bother asking, simply went on with studying until late night.
now that you think about it, you’d sure seen a certain red head giggling later that night too, but never thought much of it.
you wish you had.
james was late, it was fine. but standing in the common room alone was a bit embarrassing, especially since you’d been there for a good 30 minutes now.
sirius came up to you, an almost sullenly look in his eyes. you sighed, turning towards him.
“y/n,,,he’s upstairs in the dorm.” you nodded, a small thanks escaping your lips.
this is the 4 time this month he’d missed your dates, to hell if he thought you were just going to let him get away with it.
you’d been so confident when you walked in, but then, seeing him on his bed, trying to button up his dark red shirt, you faltered a bit.
you loved him.
he smiled, a small goofy smile, one reserved for you.
you really really loved him.
you let him pull you into his arms, and laughed as he buried his face in your neck. it was fine, things were going to be fine.
until you saw the shirt thrown carelessly on his pillows.
you normally wouldn’t think twice of it, sirius had a serious problem with throwing his clothes wherever, but it wasn’t sirius’.
“james? who’s shirt is that?” you asked, already reaching to hold it up.
“oh! nobody! i just found it!”
he’d always been a terrible liar.
the shirt, a girls shirt. small, long sleeved, and if you looked closely enough, which even if you wanted to or not you saw it, a strand of bright red hair.
oh.
“please stop lying to me james.”
“i’m not lyin-“
“cut the crap potter, just tell me who’s it is. why it’s here. don’t lie, i’m tired of the lies.” you were exhausted, like deep down you knew it would come to this, but you didn’t want to believe it.
“look y/n, it’s just some girl sirius had over, um hannah or something.” he had the nerve to look at his lap while he lied, you had to give it to him.
“james.”
“y/n.”
“when you lie, you tend to mess with your left ring finger.” he stopped as he was caught, face turning red.
“just tell me, no lies okay?” you sighed, “was it her?”
and because james always knew, he always knew. he atleast looked quilty when he whispered,
“yeah”
you bit your lip, refusing to let the tears fill your eyes, let alone fall.
you were expecting this. james was always fond of lily, the way he looked at her, even before you were dating, it’s as if they were meant to be. he looked at her as if she was the most beautiful thing the world created, and honestly? she was.
it was fine, you told yourself, they looked good together. they, were good together. what you and james had was just a highschool fling, just being at the right place at the right time, until eventually one had to leave.
that didn’t make it hurt any less. no, it felt like you heart dropped in your stomache and you felt like the stars were ripped one by one from the sky.
you couldn’t look at him. he tried to to talk, you could vaguely hear him speak but the words sounded mixed in your head.
you turned, pulling your wrist from his grasp, dropping the shirt on the bed.
it was fine. you were fine.
“it’s fine james, really. go be happy with her!”
and you left.
you walked down the stairs and into the common room, you didn’t bother going to your own dorm, not wanting to deal with whatever questions your dorm mates might have.
you sat down, hands shaking as you pulled them to your chest, hand brushing over the necklace he got you for your anniversary.
you smiled bitterly, grasping the necklace. it was a small version of a snitch, handcrafted by the boy himself, the smile he gave you when you first outfit on almsot blinded you, but you reckon that memory was a bit tainted now.
as all of them were.
they all flashed with red hair and small smiles now.
you pulled the necklace from your neck, throwing it directly into the fire before you. finally, letting the tears fall as you watched it burned.
you felt someone sit next to you, and pull you agaisnt their chest, they whispered softly in your ear but you don’t bother hearing it.
you noticed a flash of red and black leaving the common room.
