Love me like you do (Part 28)-Balem series
A/N: 28! I’ll shut up, but know this one is long!! Like…it’s 7,879 words long. Lol
MOOD MUSIC: Walk through the fire by Zayde Wolf
That point in time made itself known by the rhythmic ticking of the clock. Each swing of the pendulum making you realize how critical your decision was. You could’ve backed out, you still could you supposed, but somehow defying any of the Abrasax family seemed a dangerous game to play. There was very little power left in your hands, and you resigned yourself to accepting that. “Okay…” You mumbled to yourself, trying to calm your nerves from kicking in. Your eyes glanced out the chamber windows, watching a number of clippers go by. For such a large and endless universe, you somehow felt entirely alone in it. You wondered if Balem was out there, trying to search for you through all this mess. In your bones, you had to believe that he was. No matter what point you were in your relationship with him now…all you felt was this desire to be near him. Although, somewhere in the deep corners of your mind you weren’t even sure you could face him anymore. It was like a potent mix of emotions boiling inside you, causing conflict within your heart. What would you say to him? How could you explain the decision you were making? At this point, there was plenty of questions, but only one constant answer. You didn’t know.
As you let out a shaky breath, the doors slid open, revealing Famulus in her gold dress. She seemed ready for a royal wedding, but that smirk on her lips implied otherwise. “Titus is ready for you.”
You hesitated in your spot, one hand pressed against the glass. The apprehension kept you in place for a second, but regardless of your choices, if you didn’t move, someone would gladly retrieve you for their lord. “Yeah…” You nodded at her, giving the view one last glance before following after her. You prayed to whatever gods there were that he’d be out there looking for you right now.
“This way.” His assistant smiled, moving aside and holding her arm out. You merely stared at her in contempt, brushing passed her rudely and following the few guards down the hall. They made it seem a big deal, this wedding, and you could scarcely believe Titus would blow such an amount on an arranged marriage. But, knowing the wealth he was rumored to squander, it shouldn’t have been that shocking an action. The Abrasax clan enjoyed flaunting their power and wealth to whoever would pay attention.
“And there she is! My blushing bride.” Titus spoke with an excitement in his tone, finding more to be proud of in this arrangement than you did. He stood there at the end of the hallway, large smile plastered on his lips as he held his hand out to you. You paused next to him, glaring down at it like he was extending an insult your way. It took all your willpower to ignore the urge to yell, but you did it. With a scowl upon your face you turned away from him, and kept walking.
“Charming.” He chuckled, nodding for his guards to follow closely at his side while he caught up with you. “You made the right choice.” Titus whispered, leaning down and brushing a strand of hair from your face. You pulled away from him in frustration, trying to keep this walk in a state of silence. He kept on speaking, sometimes letting his hand linger too long on your shoulder or side. By now, you began to drown out his words, focusing on the sound of your heels to the floor and the footsteps of the guards. It was all you could do to remain sane, but as your eyes drifted around the area you chanced upon the soldier next to you, his gloved hand resting cautiously over his gun. At the ready should any attack occur.
It was a choice that would appear asinine to most, but that alarm in you would not shut off. Of all the options fate would place in your hands, this one seemed the most plausible. You could end this, but the cost seemed incredibly high. You knew even if you managed to get your hands on it, the soldiers would kill you where you stood. No matter how many times you ran the outcomes, it was never in your favor. Right now though, you didn’t truly care. You looked towards Titus, his mouth still moving with mindless chatter and with a steady hand you began to reach over, hoping you could get to it in time.
His voice broke your movement, your heart now pounding wildly in your chest. You could only count yourself lucky your foolish attempt hadn’t been noticed by anyone. “What?” You mumbled, senses coming back to you.
Titus gestured for his entourage to open the doors, and as soon as he did the white light of the church blinded you, making you squint and look away. An orchestra accompanied the glorious view, and applause greeted you both as you waltzed in. As the view became more distinguishable, the nerves kicked in again, your eyes darting over the numerous guests that gazed at you like a queen already. “What is all this?”
“A formality. Most of them are sims, a usual for a royal wedding, pay them no mind. Now, come.” He gave your back a soft push, your body heading forward as the crowd gossiped below in joy. It was a strange feeling, being the center of attention amongst those you knew nothing of. Had Titus already announced you as his equal? It seemed an unlikely thing to do, but the the gaze of the crowd told otherwise. “Why are they-“
“I told you, pay them no mind.” Titus motioned for his guards to meet him down below, his hand still stationed at your back protectively. Though you guessed it was for insurance on his part, after all why risk losing his key to success.
“Right.” You spoke, still hesitating to move forward until the platform rose for you both. He took your hand and climbed atop the device, still smiling smugly with the pride of his future. You wanted to fight back, to rescind on your offer, but there was hope for you yet. As you placed one heel on the platform, a vision of luck attracted you to the window.
“It can’t be…” It was a faint whisper, so low no one could hear it through the cheers and applause of the Sims down below. But, you were aware of its meaning, and the dark of space tore open, the many hues of a portal opening up as a large black ship fabricated within it. With every foot that was revealed of its grand entrance, you felt your heart quicken. You would know that clipper anywhere, because nothing had ever quite taken your breath away as that beautiful and ominous technology.
“A smile? Are you almost happy for us?” Titus teased you, not realizing the cause of your joy. You were thankful for that, because your little slip up would’ve bought the pompous man time for a defense strategy. Now was not the time for snide remarks though, and you willed away the smile, nodding over at him.
“We’re all full of surprises…” You responded, hoping his assistant hadn’t become privy of Balem’s arrival. Not that the First Primary would find fault in that. He did adore making an entrance, grander than anything anyone could come up with. “Shall we then?” You feigned excitement now, probably coming on too strong, but Titus hardly cared anymore. He was already enamored with the idea of getting all he ever wanted.
“You read my mind, my dear.” He tugged you near him, the platform now floating down towards the long and heavily decorated aisle. Flowers flourished along the pews, each red and white and equally beautiful. If only this was an actual wedding, where two people loved each other, you’d likely appreciate the decorum more.
With a newly discovered energy, you followed him to the pulpit, the priest awaiting you both at the end. He had a smile on his face, likely unaware of the schemes the youngest Abrasax had formulated.
“Are you both ready?” The priest inquired, looking you over with interest before directing his question to Titus. By this point they had begun talking, every word now being drowned out by your thoughts. Your hope was placed in Balem now, and as Titus released your hand from his, you glanced over at the large stained glass windows again. In a few minutes, he’d likely be here, and that would be the end of this nightmare.
The Primary gazed ahead at the commonwealth ministry, watching as the church floated beautifully over the city. He had not bothered returning to this planet for a long time, it was almost a reminder of his family. Each member more pathetic than the last. He couldn’t begin to state the extent of his loathing for them all, but witnessing this mess Titus had created first hand…it destroyed any form of mercy he held within him.
“Have they received the signifying bonds?” He questioned bitterly, leaning back on his throne while the advisor scurried around him in worry. Mr. Night had tried to keep the ferocious leader at bay, but the longer this journey took, the angrier Balem became.
“Do you have anything of WORTH,” Balem’s voice rose towards the end, his eyes becoming wild with rage as Mr. Night attempted to deflect his questions. “To say!” He slammed his fist on the arm of his throne, jaw tight as he tried to will his anger away. Every second they grew closer to you, to Titus, he felt that control loosen inside him. Nothing would satisfy him until he had his brother’s head on a pike. “Mr. Night…” Balem’s tone wavered, eyes narrowing dangerously towards the church as he awaited an answer.
“W-We’ve not heard any word, my lord. It would seem the ceremony is barely starting.” The advisor refilled the cup of wine near his lord, constantly stealing glances at him. He knew Balem was beyond pacification now, but he could only hope the Primary didn’t take everyone down along his war path. “Shall we make communication with Titus, Lord Balem?”
The Primary never tore his eyes from the church, his fingertips tapping along his chin as he contemplated his move. But, there was no other way around this situation now. Calm endings was never his forte, and he wasn’t planning on showing mercy anymore. “Defense shields up.”
The captain never hesitated in his commands, and he ordered the crew members around before taking his seat at the front. The glow of the shields began to form around the clipper, ready to take the brunt of any blasts or impacts they may encounter. “Shields are up, Lord Balem.”
Balem scowled deeply, ready to bring this foolish plan of his brother’s to an end.
His advisor’s eyes widened, nearly spilling the wine he held in his concern for their safety. “My lord, I strongly-“
“If you are so frightened, Mr. Night, I suggest you scurry away like the rat you are. Otherwise, you will provide me with nothing but silence.”
The most frightening thing of his career, was the days Balem held a calm rage to him. Where the ferocity in his eyes was so evident it could still the breath in you, but the demeanor he held betrayed that. Mr. Night had learned long ago to never approach or try to steer him from his decisions in this state, and so he shut his mouth, taking a seat and bracing himself instead.
“Prepare for impact.” The captain warned, and within seconds the head of the clipper collided with the church.
Titus held his hand up to the crowd, the constant cheers finally clawing at your nerves. He seemed annoyingly proud of it, that signifying bond upon his finger, as if that tiny detail alone would award him the very secrets of the universe. He turned to you after gaining the affection of the guests, and smiled in a very eerily happy manner. “Your turn.”
You chewed nervously at your lip, watching him closely for any sign of refusal. But, you knew better than to expect his sudden disgust with you. With a meek nod you turned to the priest, and parted your lips to recite the vows of his world. “I, Y/N…enter into this union…” You paused, eyes drifting anxiously to the large stained glass windows above. He was here, your salvation, he was right outside and you couldn’t stall this for much longer. You felt the apprehension again, the vows now hard to preach when the thought of Balem being outside hung in your mind. Trying to pretend everything alright was becoming difficult, because somehow his presence made you want to break down.
Unfortunately, your facade was well documented by the very people Titus put in place to protect him. Without being aware, Famulus had noticed your slip, and her suspicious gaze followed in your direction. There wasn’t much she could see through the stained glass, but her instincts were good enough to take action. She lifted her wrist to her lips, speaking softly into the device she had while you remained in the dark.
It was Titus’ cough that alerted you, his eyebrows lifting as if to rush you into continuing the ceremony. You pursed your lips, and shoved the doubt in your mind away now, hoping you could buy just a little more time. “Being of sound mind and…and…” It couldn’t happen, even with Balem just outside you didn’t have it in you anymore to complete this foolish plan. Maybe it was the proof of his affections for you, coming to your rescue like this, or maybe you just couldn’t betray him even in jest.
Titus narrowed his eyes at you, his expression drifting from worried to angry. It wasn’t until you saw Famulus lean over to him and whisper that those cold, dark eyes grew impossibly vengeful. “You conniving little-“
The glass along the walls shattered into nothing, the shards looking dangerously beautiful as they fell in a glow of colors. It was hard to appreciate such a sight, when the screams of the guests followed suit. You had to duck your head, barely escaping Titus’ reach when he screamed at you and his guards. “Get my bloody army! Start firing you fools.” He reached for you again, missing a step and finding purchase on the pulpit. He tried desperately to remain dignified, but the crash that rocked the church left the building tilting onto its side. “Famulus!”
His assistant slid down the steps, barely keeping herself safe as the pillars began to fall onto the pews. You crawled your way along the aisle, knowing if you even tried to stand it wouldn’t end well. You wondered why Balem chose such a way to attack, but you figured that entitled fury wouldn’t stay caged for long.
The groan of the archways resounded along the church, the marble and stone cracking rather pathetically as the clipper curved against the walls. It came to a halt on the pathway above, the ramp of Balem’s ship finally descending onto the debris. You had to watch in awe of the whole ordeal, heart ready to just see his face again. But, as you waited for his arrival, Titus’ soldiers came rushing from the back, already shooting their guns to the many soldiers coming from the clipper. In the panic you began moving away, taking shelter behind a pew as lasers flew passed your head. If it wasn’t for the cries of the priest falling dead next to you, you would’ve sat silently with your head in your hands. Trying to pretend you were anywhere else but here. Somewhere in the distance you could hear Titus, still trying to bark orders to the men around him. You didn’t dare listen, placing your focus on surviving instead. But, the scream of agony that came next was hard to ignore.
With a gasp, you looked over the bench, eyes widening when you saw Titus on the floor. He was cradling his leg, blood dripping violently from the wound, and judging by the look on his face he was terrified. You almost pitied him, but the darker side of you reveled in the knowledge he finally felt pain. Even if it was a simple gunshot wound, he was now victim to the same feelings he caused everyone else.
You froze, fingertips digging into the bench when his voice rang down from above. It wasn’t that long since you last saw him, or even had the pleasure of hearing his voice…but it certainly felt that way. The fact that he was actually here, it wasn’t fully clear to you still, and as childish as it was you couldn’t bring yourself to turn just yet. That lingering fear of not seeing him again was still alive and well in your turmoil.
“Well there you are, dear brother!” Titus choked out between gasps of pain, crawling his way up the steps and towards the broken pulpit. Even with that vindictive tone, you could plainly see the fear in his eyes. Yet he still tried to escape his brother’s clutches, and ordered his soldiers to continue their advance on him. “I didn’t think you’d make it, Balem.” He laughed, wincing when he attempted to pull himself up.
It took a fool’s courage to continue that instigating, especially towards a man of Balem’s status. You had to admire Titus for that, even if it meant punishment. But, you grew sick of looking at him, now realizing just how pathetic a man he really was. And you couldn’t put off seeing Balem anymore, you had to fight your anxiety about it eventually. “Balem…” You sucked in a breath, exhaling softly as you slowly drew yourself to set your eyes on him.
What a contrast, was your first thought, because nobody in the world would ever be capable of emitting the power of the man standing above the pathway. Looking down at his injured brother with a gaze that spoke volumes of his lifelong hatred. It nearly took your breath away, seeing that authority of his striking in the air. And amidst the lights of the soldier’s guns around him, he looked ready to exact the revenge he had thirsted for. The sentimental half of you longed to call to him, to put aside the dangers and run into his arms, but you stayed frozen there…simply staring at this person you considered closer than anybody in your life.
Then his eyes fell upon you, making you forget all reservations you held if only for a moment. There was nothing like it, that feeling, like neither of you were prepared to accept the reality of your proximity. But, the second his eyes softened…you knew it was very real. Though no smile would grace his features, as always, his eyes were the expressive part and you knew immediately that there was relief in them. Time wasn’t on your side, however, and instead of a grand reunion you simply nodded at him. Needing him to know that you were safe at the very least.
Balem stared down at you, calmly releasing the breath he had been holding. Even meeting your gaze tore him apart, knowing that he still had to attend to pressing matters before taking you in his arms and bringing those lips he adored into a desperate kiss. But, until he had the privilege, he’d settle for destroying his brother and ripping him of everything he held dear. His gaze fell to Titus once more, his boots connecting with the platform as he descended into the pandemonium below. It’s like every foot he grew closer the world around stopped for him, the lasers ceasing, the screams lessening, he had a presence that could freeze the heavens if he willed it.
Balem gracefully got off the platform, his rhythmic strides taking him down the aisle towards his brother. He passed numerous injured soldiers along the way, some his, some Titus’. But, he barely paid their death throes any mind. In his opinion, they were all expendable, merely a means to an end.
You stood back against the pews, trying to summon the energy to fully stand as he grew close to you. But, the adrenaline coursing through your veins made it difficult to keep still. With a quick brush of your hands you removed the debris from your dress, and snagged the gaudy headpiece Titus made you wear off. You tossed it unceremoniously to the side of the church, the sound of the beads and silver bending against the dilapidated pillars. You felt Balem’s presence looming closer and while you expected the Primary to simply pass you by and head towards his weakened brother he seemed interested in other plans. The second you turned, you found him next to you, his green gaze mapping every inch of your body for any sign of harm. It took everything not to cry, even more not to succumb to the desire to be held. All you could do was let out a shaky breath and hope that would somehow be enough to placate him.
“My little bird…” Balem’s eyes grew relieved at the sight of you, his hand coming up to cup your cheek. But, he didn’t touch you, not at first. He held it there against your cheek, the proximity enough to produce an effect on you. It was like electricity lingering, the heat coming from his palm begging you to cease all other rational thought. And then he caressed you, his fingertips barely stroking over your skin before he finally closed the distance. You held in your gasp, lips parting slightly to fit against his own. Balem kissed you hard, desperately, and it was like he stole your breath from your body and only demanded you focus on him and you. And how could you not? There were hardly any words to describe it, it was like an equal sense of joy and worry that you couldn’t shake. But, you craved it, yearned for it always. A simple moment in time when nothing in the world mattered but the sensation of his kiss.
You placed a trembling hand on his chest, releasing a labored breath as he peeled his lips from yours. He allowed himself a minute to linger there, that desirous look in his eyes making you flush red in front of him. He could not waste further time though, and with one soft press of his lips to your forehead he moved on to take care of Titus. All you could do was kneel down to the pew again, taking shelter behind it while you hoped the Primary would be safe.
“If you had just prostrated before me,” Balem smirked wickedly, his pride thoroughly entertained by Titus crawling fearfully away. His brother was too injured to stand, and there was nothing more poetic than finding the one person who wanted him down on his knees, now pathetically on his own. He reached him easily, keeping his strides shortened just to stall next to Titus. Balem enjoyed the power play, even more when he slammed his boot over the wound on his brother’s leg and elicited a murderous scream. “We wouldn’t be here, Titus.”
“Always the dramatic one, Balem…” Titus gritted his teeth, trying to reach for his wound only for Balem to stop him.
The Primary gripped his wrist hard, twisting his arm back as he leaned dangerously close to him. “Now look at you, my little brother.” He pulled roughly on Titus, bringing him up to look him in the eye. “Pathetically clinging to this idea of hope, well, I think you’ll find-“ He applied pressure to the leg wound, finding pleasure in how his brother cried out. He had to admire his refusal to beg, but he honestly wished for nothing more than that. “There is none left for you.”
Balem shoved Titus back to the ground, the sound of the glass crunching under Titus’ head. It was sickening how easily the mighty could fall, and Balem watched delightedly as the blood seeped from his brother’s face. He could hear Titus groaning in pain, desperately trying to reach back towards him to gain some upper hand in this fight. Unfortunately for him, Balem was in no mood for childish games anymore. He would end this here, and he’d make sure of it this time.
Balem lowered himself to his level, fingers curling in his brother’s hair before he promptly slammed his face harder into the shards on the floor. He could hear them tear into Titus’ skin, destroying that handsome face he seemed so proud of. “You have defied me for the last time, Titus!” He flipped his brother over, the glass embedded into his skin now stained red from his blood. It was a beautiful sight to him, something only he could be fond of. Yet, Titus still laughed through his agony…that same frustrating laugh that made Balem go mad with rage.
“I didn’t think,” Titus choked, spitting out blood as he smirked up at Balem. “It was possible to find hatred deeper than the one I felt for mother…”He spat directly into his older brother’s face, chuckling when the flecks of blood splattered over those prominent cheekbones of his. But, Balem kept his composure, merely clutching Titus’ hair tighter as he continued to speak. “You just love proving me wrong, Balem.”
The Primary clicked his tongue in annoyance, tugging Titus back to his feet and aiding him up the steps to the pulpit. He settled him against it, keeping him there while he retrieved a large shard of stained glass from the ground. He didn’t even care when it cut into his own palm, his anger was enough to quell the pain.
“I’ve heard enough from you, Ti-“
Balem quickly pulled Titus into his hold, turning around and using his brother as a shield from the potential threat. There was something eerily familiar about this situation, once again finding himself furious at another for holding something he held dear. And seeing Titus’ assistant, her dainty arm tangled around your neck like that, he was seeing red.
Famulus was shaking uncontrollably against you, holding you in the same position Titus was in. You offered Balem an apologetic look, knowing you should’ve ran for it when you had the chance. But, it was more than fear leaving you paralyzed. You mouthed a ‘sorry’ to him, holding onto Famulus’ arm as she pushed the barrel of the gun into your temple.
She looked absolutely destroyed standing there, barely holding onto her captive as blood dripped down her forehead from a scrape. Needless to say, Balem wasn’t impressed with her display of loyalty towards his brother. “Let her go. Now.” He seethed, clutching the glass harder in his hand and cutting through his own skin. He held it threateningly towards Titus’ throat, inwardly cheering as his brother stiffened in fear against him.
“No…” Famulus muttered weakly, darting her eyes from you to Balem over and over until she drove herself half mad.
“This isn’t a game.” Balem’s eyes grew deadly, his hair falling into his face from the struggle of keeping Titus still. He didn’t like when his plans were interrupted, least of all when someone of no status was the cause of it. “If you have any hope of leaving this deplorable church alive,” He pressed the tip of the glass into Titus’ neck, barely listening as his brother gasped in pain when the shard pierced his skin slowly. “You’ll release her. NOW!”
“I will not!” She stumbled through her words, trying to resist the overwhelming need to cry out for her master. She tugged you tighter into her, almost like she found comfort in your unwilling embrace. “Release him first…go on!” Famulus gestured towards Balem with the gun, obviously unstable with her plan.
With a shake of your head, you willed Balem not to do anything. Call it the courage of a fool, but you knew even if he was idiotic enough to release Titus, Famulus could still turn against you. In this moment, you weren’t sure of what to do, because wishing for the death of another was not like you. It was instinct to simply let them have you instead. “Balem, don’t.”
“Stop talking!” Famulus nudged the gun harder into you, causing you to wince in slight discomfort of the metal. If she pulled that trigger, the blast from the laser would be the end of you. And as panicked as she was, you were already thinking over all your life regrets.
Balem caught your eyes, a mixture of fury and doubt on his features. It didn’t help with your situation, but it was that silent plea behind them that made you listen. He was begging you to save yourself from harm’s way this time. Because, just like you, he was aware letting Titus go would do neither of you any good. He began to lift the glass away from Titus, attempting to disarm himself so Famulus would let you go. And every inch he withdrew his weapon, she did as well.
The pressure against your temple softened, and that was the second you took your chance at freedom. As her arm drifted away, you reached for it, pushing hard and watching as she shot the gun and a laser barely missed Balem and Titus. You heard the Primary darkly chuckle, his smug reply being the last thing Titus would ever hear. He pulled him closer, whispering casually into his ear. “Farewell then, dear little brother.” And as you fell to the ground in a heap along with Famulus, you heard the shard sink deeply into Titus’ throat. The gurgling is what made you look away, shutting your eyes tight as to forget that image forever. But, the sound of his body hitting the floor made sure to keep you perfectly alert to the damage already done as he bled out.
“NO!!” You turned to see Famulus crying, sunk down to her knees and fighting back her anguished sobs. You felt for her, you truly did, regardless of her wrong doing…she was just another piece in this terrible game.
“Pathetic.” Balem scoffed down at his brother, mentally taking a picture of this moment. He would never forget the exhaustion Titus had caused him, and he would make sure his name disappeared from the records of Abrasax forever. He gracefully walked over Titus’ body, cape drifting over him like he was merely a commoner in the streets. It was a strange thing to think, but after that chaotic display…it’s like you barely knew Balem. Until now, every violent act had been kept from you, it was like meeting him all over again in a darker light.
He ignored your call, his gaze stopping on the splice who would dare to interfere with his family matters. He had no remorse for her loss, and as she sat crying on the floor, he took up her gun and held it inches away from her head.
“Balem, do-!” You sat there in a stunned silence, eyes widening when you saw her body fall forward onto the broken pews. It was one thing to have hatred for a man who constantly deprived you of joy in life. It was another to waste a life that only blindly followed the powerful. “Wha-…” You couldn’t believe he had just taken Famulus’ life like nothing. Even if she had wronged him by listening to Titus…you didn’t believe she deserved it. It was unreal, too harsh a situation to fathom, but by the time you recognized how awful this all was Balem was by your side again.
“N-No…” You had no control of your words or body, and your denial was said in temporary shock. All you could manage was a weak gasp and a panicked look to him. “I-“
Balem sighed heavily, watching as your hand shook over your mouth in distress. There was little he could do to comfort your fear, but he cupped your cheek gently, brow furrowing when you backed away from him. He respected the space you needed, knowing this sort of trial was not one you were accustomed to just yet. But, his hand lingered over your skin, caressing you from centimeters away while keeping the respectful distance you required. His hand was covered in blood, he could not completely drown you in such atrocities for today. “Come.” He brushed his knuckles over your cheek, gripping your arms and pulling you up with him before leading you away. “This church will not hold up much longer, we have to go. Now.”
You obeyed him quietly, stumbling forward when he gave your lower back a soft nudge. In the back of your mind, you knew this place could potentially explode, but all your body wanted was to fall down and stay there for days. And traversing the piles of bodies lying around was the horrid part of it.
You heard your name, but it sounded so far away now, and you barely registered who said it but you were sure it was Balem. His hands were still cradling you against him, cape enveloping you slightly as he met his advisor at the entrance his clipper had created. Their conversation was muddled by the weak cries for help from those who appeared to survive the first battle, but they would go unanswered.
There was shuffling around, Balem’s soldiers rushing back up the ramp and both of you following suit. But, even in the safety of his arms, you felt impossibly broken.
You sat silently on the edge of the bed, bloodied fingers digging anxiously into the sheets. You couldn’t shake the sound of their screams from your head, nor the scenes of chaos caused by the Abrasax family. It was almost impossible to comprehend how two people could be the cause of so much pain in the world. You didn’t want to believe it, but the reality was plain as day.
“Any pain?” The medic dabbed gently at your minor injuries, the healing spray they used sealing the cuts right up. You nodded solemnly at him, barely registering what he even said. He nodded anyway, clearly uncomfortable with the silence you had provided him. He was in no position to argue though, and the last thing he wanted was for his lord to find fault in him. So with one last look over he let you be, his expression concerned before walking out the doors.
You could hear voices coming from the other side, one immediately capturing your attention. You could pick that tone out anywhere, and as you prepared yourself to meet with him, the doors slid open once more.
Balem wandered into the ship’s chambers, his eyes settling upon you in your pitiful state. He had never seen you look so crestfallen before, even during the early days of your courtship. He would take anything above your constant silence, even the attitude you so willfully gave him on most occasions. “Little bird…” He cooed softly, taking a seat next to you on the bed.
You barely glanced up at him, noticing the fine golden armor he was clad in now. He was completely washed of the blood and the guilt, if he felt that at all, and for some reason it distressed you. However, some part of you was aware that he had also considered you when changing. It was clear to see that the tattered state of his outfit had shaken you.
Without a word, he reached forward, taking a strand of your hair and brushing it away from your sweaty forehead. There was a scowl etched onto his features and you guessed it was due to your lack of conversation. But you couldn’t think of much to say now, your thoughts were too muddled for any proper sentences to form. “Here.” He cautiously spoke, not wanting to disturb whatever peace you may have settled into. He leaned over to the small table next to the bed, grabbing the bowl of water the medic had left behind. You watched curiously as he wrung the cloth out, the water sloshing over the edge of the bowl when he placed it between you both.
You expected him to hand you the towel, to walk away and demand you clean yourself up. It would appear there was a human inside him after all though, and with the most tender of touches he gripped your hands and held them gently over the bowl as he began to wash the blood away. You would’ve been enamored with him, but as the water turned a soft pink with all the blood caked onto your nails and hands you grew disgusted.
This felt so wrong deep down, and there was a repulsion inside you unlike anything before. Perhaps to men like Balem, all this horror was a regular occurrence, but you had never faced such chaos. Whatever traumas you held in life, they would never compare to the daily rituals of the elite in the universe. The truth was, it was just too much to register. Up until now, you had assumed he orchestrated numerous deadly plots against his family and those he deemed unworthy. But you always figured he kept that side of his world a secret from you. Far away where the negative aspects couldn’t do you harm. But, it would appear no matter how thorough he was, it still reached you. With a soft cry you fell forward into him, laying your head against his shoulder and releasing the sobs you had tried hiding away. You felt him stiffen, his hands still supporting yours. He stayed silent through your crying, unsure of how to proceed from here.
“I can’t…” You shook your head dejectedly. “This is…I-“ No matter how hard you pushed through, the words would not come forth. They remained stuck in your heart where the conflict you faced weighed it down. “I just…” Perhaps you did love him, with every fiber of your being, so much so it nearly hurt. But, in all the splendor of your romance you had forgotten the world around you and all this hell that came with it. It would be the words of Titus that stuck with you now, knowing he was right in saying you had become blind to his brother’s ways.
“You need rest, my beauty.” Balem comforted you, as best as he was able, and while you stilled in your sobs he slowly pulled free of you. With a compassionate nature he lifted your chin, his thumb sweeping along your bottom lip. You could see he intended to speak, to woo you into another bout of sweet nothings. But, you couldn’t stomach it right now.
“No!” In your sorrow you shoved him aside, moving from the bed and pacing around the room. To an outsider you must’ve looked insane, but you had grown weary of the self pity and doubt you felt. “Earth, Balem!” You tore the worn gown from your body, quickly changing into the new clothes he had supplied you with. “My home.” You pulled the black top over your head, smoothing the material out before pointing at yourself for emphasis. “Your life is-“ There it was again, the doubt that clawed at your conscience, keeping you from spilling the necessary words to him. You couldn’t even bear to look at him. “I fell into your world, I wanted to resist it…but, I-“ You turned from him, hugging yourself as you carefully formed your thoughts. “I can’t keep watching you almost die, to watch others die…to nearly lose my own life!” You choked back your tears, immediately wiping the few that escaped. “This is too much.”
You heard the rustle of his clothing behind you, that familiar growl behind his words capturing your attention. “Enough of this talk.” His hands grabbed your shoulders, turning you around to look him in the eye as you denied him. The misery behind his stare was painful to take in, but even through his despondency he kept his demeanor in check like any king would. “Little bird.” There was a torture behind his tone, a sliver of forgiveness that he sought, and while you had no intention to analyze every detail of his emotions the minute his forehead touched yours you froze. “You’ve no idea what you mean to me…” his palms cradled around your cheeks, the corner of his lip twitching in discomfort of your admission.
This was the man you fell in love with, the softer side of his being that lulled you dangerously into a larger trap. There wasn’t a single part of him you hated, but there were aspects of his personality that were so cruel you weren’t sure you could ignore it any longer. The worst of it was you wanted to lean forward, to kiss him and pretend everything would go back to some semblance of normal. But, that wasn’t likely to occur anymore. You reached for his wrists, holding onto them weakly as you fought your heartache. “Take me home, Balem. Please.” He was a man who was capable of a deep caring, unconditional love. But, above that was someone who thrived on taking empires for himself, using human lives on earth for his financial gain…he couldn’t possibly change enough to be yours, or you his. “Take me home.”
Balem pressed his forehead harder into yours, his jaw trembling with an uncontrolled anger. You felt his grip on your arms tighten, but there was still that reluctance to ever lay harm to you. So he pulled away roughly, letting out a scream that could strike fear into anyone. His fist connected with the table, tossing the object on its side as he tried desperately to control himself. He could barely handle looking at you anymore, knowing all he ever wanted and wished for was slipping from his fingers. He loathed that vulnerability in him. “I did not cross the vastness of space to destroy all those lives…!”
You stared silently at his back, watching guiltily as he ran his hands through his hair. “Tell me you had no intention of killing Titus, or Famulus…or all those other innocent people…” The truth was, somewhere deep down you were elated he killed his brother, and that’s what caused such a struggle in you. There was a little bit of you vanishing every day you spent here, and no matter how hard you tried to deny it the evidence was there in the way you felt. Rooting for the death of another because it made your life easier. “Tell me, Balem.” No matter how bad you wanted to believe otherwise, you knew he went into that church intending for him and you to be the only ones walking out.
Balem’s head lifted slowly, but he still kept himself from gazing upon you. “I would drive that shard into his wretched throat a thousand times over…”
You could feel the disappointment growing, knowing all along what his motives were. Of course you were grateful for his interference, because without him you wouldn’t be alive or worse, married to a cold and callous man. That didn’t excuse the apprehension you had for his execution of those intentions.
“If it meant saving your life.” He continued on, trying to convey just how deep his care for you went. He wasn’t a fool though, and he knew when the battle was lost. “I will take you back to earth…” Balem could’ve forced his hand, asserted his authority and demanded you stay by his side until fate took him. Truth be told, he wanted to, because letting you go was not the outcome he had needed. In his mind this would’ve been the end of life’s interferences. Titus was dead, Kalique was no longer a threat, and the very power of his name was all his again. All he required was you by his side, forever. Yet, there was a point in someone’s heart where they realized the one they loved meant more than their own desires. He loved you, so unconditionally it conflicted with all his values. It was a foreign concept to him, but what he truly wished was for you to be happy. Anything to see that smile that could lift his spirits, and if he could grant you that…he would. “If that is what you desire.” He would give you anything in this universe, even if it meant his pain.
You could fight that feeling for years, but you were certain no amount of internal forgiveness could satiate the void. There was a conflict within you, one you weren’t ready to accept fully. How could you possibly just walk away from him, when all you wanted was to be in his arms at the same time? It was like a dread weighing heavy on your heart, and looking at him just made it worse. “I…” There wasn’t anything of worth to say anymore, at least not in his eyes, of that you were sure. You wondered if he hated you, perhaps loathed the heartache you had caused him. Perhaps that notion hurt even more than leaving. “I love you.” It was all you could think to say, because in this moment you felt it so deeply in spite of the choice you were making. He was everything for you, but his life, you weren’t capable of handling it. You convinced yourself of that.
With nothing else to say, you backed away from him, the need to reach out and comfort him so strong you had to physically hold your hand down. You wished he’d say something, you’d take anything at this point even a scream or punishment. Something besides the silence he permitted you with. “Well,” You bit down on your quivering lip, giving him one last look and hoping he’d turn around. It wasn’t a fair request to be sure, but you still selfishly wished for it. “I’ll be in the lower levels.” You turned on your heel, and almost made your way out the chamber doors before his strong grip imprisoned your wrist.
Balem held you like that, his grip trembling just slightly you almost missed it. He didn’t speak, he barely even breathed, but you knew him well enough to gauge what his gesture meant. He didn’t want you to go.
Before you could finish, he dropped your hand, the small caress of his fingertips causing that familiar pain to take you. You had to fight back the tears, that same conflict coming back to you. But, he still remained silent as ever, and the last thing you heard was the fall of his footsteps heading away.
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A/N: I humbly beg for feedback on this one. I wrote and edited this over 2 weeks, so…please? Lol This time I reallllly would appreciate it.
