Lore is Lore
“I never thought I’d say this, but that giant tentacle monster that wanted to copulate with us was unsexy.” Dean shook his head and rubbed at his hands with a wet wipe.
“‘Copulate,’ huh?” Sam grabbed a wipe from the package.
“If you think I don’t know every synonym for a sex act in the English language plus a few in Japanese, then you don’t know me at all.” Dean threw the wipe on the ground. “Point being, I was expecting a little more—I dunno—finesse.”
Sam raised both eyebrows now. “You know monsters are generally pretty gross. Did you think your anime porn was actually going to be accurate for tentacle monster behavior?”
“Lore is lore, Sammy.” Dean pulled a tarp out of the trunk and laid it down across the front seat. Wet wipes weren’t going to cut it.
“Porn is not lore.” Sam pulled off his shirts and unbuckled his belt. “Wait. Are you saying that if the tentacle monster hadn’t been coated in neon yellow slime, and if it hadn’t smelled like roadkill, you’d have been fine when it tried to impregnate you?”
“No! Probably not!” Dean kicked off his boots and shimmied out of his soiled jeans.
“Probably not?” Sam kept his underwear. He looked forlornly at the pile of ruined clothes on the ground when he climbed into the passenger seat.
Dean joined him in the car, not a stitch on him. “I mean, sometimes, according to the porn lore—“
“Not a thing,” Sam interrupted.
“—it can feel good to, you know, be impregnated. You see, the tentacles fit your body just right, and they secrete powerful aphrodisiacs like, uh, sex heroin. Doesn’t sound so bad.”
Sam looked at Dean’s obvious boner. “Porn lore, huh? Maybe you could show it to me when we get back to the bunker. So I can learn. For next time.”
Dean leered at Sam and turned the key. The engine roared to life. “I have so much to teach you, Sammy. So much.”
