Repost and transcription: Raistlin's letter (Margaret Weis, Jan. 1984)
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Repost and transcription: Raistlin's letter (Margaret Weis, Jan. 1984)
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This letter from Raistlin to Caramon was written by Margaret Weis in January 1984 and re-discovered in April or May 2023. The poem Raistlin's Farewell at the end of Spring Dawning is clearly a rewording of it, with some differences that may have to do with retcons (edit: yeah, definitely the retcons. Edit 2: oh my god this has been saying Autumn Twilight instead of Spring Dawning for months).
In Time of the Twins, Tika tells Tanis about something that happened to Caramon, she didn't know what but it had something to do with Raistlin, and it was after that that Caramon wrote his letter that Raistlin has returned unread. It was always strange to me, like a hole in spacetime kind of feeling (although now that I'm thinking of it, it probably is supposed to work alright without us knowing what it was?..). I am now entirely certain that it was this letter; possibly but not certainly not exactly this text due to retcons. I will be writing meta on this in a separate post (as I've been planning for months..). I initially meant for the repost to be combined with it, but decided to post it separately.
Also, I have Iearned about this piece of DL from this cosplay post (link in underlined).
Facebook link, repost, and transcription (as the letter itself is on photos) under the cut.
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Facebook link
Repost of the Facebook post (by Margaret Weis):
This is a letter from Raistlin to Caramon. I wrote this in January, 1984 when I was at TSR. (You can see from the time stamp.) This was written three months before the short story, The Test of the Twins, appeared in Dragon and months before Tracy and I decided to write Autumn Twilight. i recently found this in a box in a closet.
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Photos of two printed pages. Both have a timestamp at the top: Mon, Jan 30, 1984, 7:58 AM. The rest of the text:
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I have often believed my intelligence a curse. It was a cruel trick the gods played, imprisoning this hot and hungry spirit in a body as fragile as a charred log.
They would have taught me compassion and—in part—they succeeded. I have always felt the bitter sting of injustice for those too weak to fight powerful brothers for a rightful share of mother's milk. But did I hurt for them? No. I pitied them—always—and it felt good to pity someone as I have known myself to be pitied.
How much of this will you understand, my brother? Very little, I know. How could you understand—you whose body has always answered to your spirit. You who take what you want or are given it for the asking; while I crawl through a world of tricks and illusions, duplicity and sham, amazing all beholders with a few flashy pyrotechnics. I learned, you see, long ago, how to avoid pain.
Dear, good, Caramon. Dear, good, steadfast Caramon. Dear, good, steadfast, boring Caramon. Why have you loved me all these years? You—the only one—for our mother never loved me. Nor can I blame her. I discovered when I was five that I knew more of the world than she did. I never needed her and we do not love those who do not need us.
And that is it, I suppose. That is the reason why you love me. I needed you. And I love you for the same reason. You needed me. Does that amaze you, brother dear? You—needing me? Raistlin the weak one, the one always pushed to the rear of any battle while you jump forward to meet the enemy with glorious flash of sword. You need me, I repeat. You need me to need you.
What will happen to you when I'm gone? Your small flame will have nothing to feed on. Will it dim and die? I wonder...
Gone?
Yes, I am going. I need you no longer, Caramon. I have found that which will be both mother and brother to me. Aye and lover too. For in that I know you pity me most. How can you understand that the decaying flesh these eyes see sickens me—yet fills me with desire? A desire to embrace death, to be one with it and end my fear. To rule death, brother!
That is what I seek and that is what I have in my reach. And if I succeed, what then? Immortality? I am not so foolish to believe in that. How could I, knowing that a sneeze might end my days forever. No, I will have power over life and death—something those fools of Dragonlords sought and could never achieve.
Their gruesome, monstrous armies could snuff out a man's life, but not his spirit. Or her spirit. Ah, Laurana... I will see you always—shining star of my dark heavens.
So why did I fight them? Petty, ignorant people. They did not deserve to rule. But now they will play my game. Now they will come to me. And they will pay whatever I ask.... They will acknowledge me Master!
And you—will you come, Caramon? With misguided loyalty, will you follow after me to save me...once again. The thought flatters me. I can see you, dear, bumbling brother, battling god knows what for my sake. I can see self-sacrifice light your noble countenance.
Don't do it, Caramon. I see another vision—a very pleasant one—you, on your knees....
The hour grows late. I tire easily, as you know. I have studied long this night and I have reached my decision. As of now, you have no brother, Caramon.
I die at birth, as I should have.
Take this letter to Tanis. He will explain it to you. He understood me. That is why I feared him.
there's a note on the table in his room, along with a little hand written 'IOU' coupon, and a small framed photo of Nora and Magni having fun. Note: A year ago, you opened your home and your heart to me and I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you. I love you so very much, JJ
Something new catches his eye when he wakes, a flint in his peripheral vision and he finds the thoughtful gift, lovingly framed and placed for him on the dresser.
It was a lovely photo, and he scooped it up with a smile, running his thumb against the side of the frame.
Then, a note.
Gaze sweeps across it and he finds himself beaming from ear to ear. A shake of his head, that she should owe him ought for any of this. These gifts they’ve given each other over the last year.
One, wonderful and unexpected thing to come out of last year’s misfortunes.
He carefully set aside the note, and went to go and find his wife. To tell her he loved her too, so very much.
The one thing I wish everyone in my life could understand is how infodumping is sometimes an act of love. I'm not just looking for someone to beat over the head with my current hyperfixation until their brain falls out, I SPECIFICALLY picked you out because I believe you are a safe person to be autistic about something around, AND because I want you to be happy with me. A shared joy is a double joy, after all. Please please please ask me relevant questions about what I'm talking about!!!!!! Make stupid jokes that come to mind!!!! Ask me to show you what I'm talking about!!!!!! That doesn't annoy me, that just shows me you are genuinely interested and genuinely listening and not just going through the motions!!!!!! I'm not saying you have to spend your own time researching this or interacting with this piece of media (that would be greatly appreciated but I don't expect it automatically) but it means a lot for you to just genuinely engage with me when I'm talking and not just say "okay" "yep" "alright" until I'm done!!!!!! I love you!!!!!!
I am telling you fnaf game mechanics and detailing how the ai works and telling you random facts about the production of the outsiders movie and tell you all about the abilities and cultures of wings of fire dragon tribes and spewing everything I know about seals at you not just because I like those things but because I love and care about and appreciate you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please comprehend this neurotypical people!!!!!!
If I was ever to do an assassination, I would simply wear false eyebrows to fool the cameras.
The media would be agog, and the witness would be like, yeah, there was this plump, buxom dude with purple hair and very describable clothes and also her eyebrow fell off. Scotland Yard would be baffled until some cunning yet dishevelled detective decided to do the Cinderella test, and get every plump non-binary in Christendom to try on the false eyebrow until finding the one it fit.
These are the only circumstances under which I would be willing to fall in love.
