𝐁𝐔𝐋𝐊! 𝐁𝐔𝐋𝐊!! 𝐁𝐔𝐋𝐊!!!; ᵇ. ᵇᵃʳⁿᵉˢ
WARNING!⦂ explicit content ,, mdni! ,, word count is 3k ,, james bucanan barnes (captain america: the winter soldier, captain america: civil war, & the falcon and the winter soldier, aka, the bucky trinity!) ,, fem!reader (wifey) ,, established relationship ,, not proofread (was originally a practice drabble before I turned it into a bucky fic bcs he's like a first love for me) ,, a brief mention of reader being intimidated by bucky being so fckin' b e e f y ,, slight!drama ,, ptsd from being the winter soldier ,, body dysmorphia disorder ,, sexual tension ,, a lot of sex talk ,, kissing and making out ,, angsty! angsty!! angsty!!! ,, soft sex ,, size kink ,, a little overstimulation ,, pretty vanilla ,, missionary ,, he talks you through it ,, praise! ,, he needs to be encouraged a bit ,, love and romance cause that's the icing on the cake for my love bucky! <3
𝐈𝐍 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐂𝐇, you're bucky's girl, and you love him no matter how much him or his body changes... of course, it's hard for someone like him to believe it right off the bat, even though he knows you wouldn't lie to him. it's just that, he's had a really difficult life, it's hard to accept anything good.
so you want to try and prove it to him that you mean it when you say that he's perfect just the way he is, as many times as he needs you to.
──────── ⸝⸝ ＃┆────────
bucky's wanted to try and lose weight for a bit now, despite how easily he falls into all the old, learned habits that just make him gain more.
for example, he's almost always eating a calorie surplus, a bad habit trying to disguise itself as a gift from his winter soldier days.
for the longest time, he actually had a hard time eating without throwing it up. whether that be from the discomfort of not feeling like himself in the moment, or the guilt he was plagued with the night before, didn't matter. but with your help, he was able to start eating regularly again.
the thing is, hydra forced him to eat back then, making sure he was not only strong from the injection and serums, but physically fit beyond belief.
so he can't help it, not really. it's almost instinctual, but at least he's not training as much, so he's not agrediously intimidating.
still, he has a protein intake train going that he just can't seem to stop.
what's worse is that he knows that you've started noticing the change in his body too. it's not like he wasn't muscular back in wwii, but he wasn't so bulky that he could barely pass by someone in an open public area.
the thing is, he should be grateful that he is getting a lot softer, pudgier in a way. it helps him forgive and forget, if only a bit. but now he's concerned that maybe you don't like it. he can never really tell how anyone feels about him physically, so he would just try to put himself in the person's shoes to wager how he'd feel.
but he really can't tell whether you find his pure muscle from before more attractive, or the way he looks now.
his pecs are bigger, rounded almost, as is his stomach. for him though, his thighs are the worst of it. the added weight makes the skin chafe against any pair of jeans he wears, which is not a lot considering he can't fit into a lot.
his arms are fat too, bigger in an awkward way, to the point where he can't even tell if it's muscle or fat passed poking at it.
the rest of his body looks just the same, and to say that he's a little bit insecure about the weight gain is an understatement.
he's abhorres it, practically.
he feels like he has to remind you this it's only temporary whenever you stare for too long as he passes by you, or when you're sitting next to him, trying to be discreet in giving him an up-down when you're absolutely failing at that.
back when you both were hiding away in an apartment in bucharest, he remembers exiting your shared bedroom to see you aggressively glaring at his red henley like it had wronged you before giving him a quick nod and excusing yourself to the bathroom.
even something as simple as a hug now makes him self conscious, despite knowing you show him affection to try and comfort and reassure him.
you both know that he's aiming for being more lean, less defined when it comes to muscle, so that he can be more inconspicuous.
he doesn't like being bulky because he feels like he's in the way all the times... embarrassingly enough, he hates to admit that the real reason is because it's easier to feel like he can hide if he ever needs to.
it's a shallow comfort that he can't bear to part with just yet. you can only hope that it'll go away soon, so for now, you bear with him.
but long story short, sometimes he does ask you how you feel, trying to gauge your opinion to how he looks. he still wants you to be attracted to him, that's why he needs to know how you feel.
unfortunately, you always seem to find a way to stay unbiased, simply encouraging him in the direction he wants to go.
secretly? you're becoming more and more opposed to that idea as you take in how good he looks.
heck, his whole body is just so... pillowy, if that was even a real word.
plus, the nutrients he's been taking in from the extra food intake make him appear stronger. he's always been strong, sure, but you're like, less than half his size almost. you're sure that he could toss you around with only one hand if he tried.
and down there? well, let's just say it's also chubbed up a bit, gaining double the weight that was there previously.
for starters, his balls are bigger, heavier now too. they rest on the insides of his thighs when he sits down, plump and practically swollen. they're soft and pudgy and absolutely full. they feel just as soft as his cheeks when you squish his face together, and whenever you see them shift slightly when he readjusts his seating position, you can't help but salivate.
his cock is also pudgier. it's heavy and fat to hold, thicker in a way that makes him embarrassed anytime you're both intimate.
however, if you're being fair, that reaction is to be expected anyway. he was born to an era that wasn't, to put it bluntly, as crude as the one he lives in today.
now, when he does get horny, his slit leaks out thicker globs of precum. as for his actual loads, they're more copious due to the new room in his balls to store it.
so everything about him has... well, you wouldn't say improved, but made things a little more interesting.
in fact, for the longest time you couldn't identify why sex was starting to feel more overwhelming than normal. but since you figured it out, the answer was simple.
bigger body, bigger cock, and finally, a much, much bigger libido.
funny enough, he's more eager in bed. before, he was pretty quiet, gentle in a way that conveyed a lot more than just sexual need.
the reason for that was because bucky was still terrified about accidentally harming you in any way, shape, or form. and though he feels safe with you, as you do him, he always wants to make sure you know he's being gentle, that it's always him there and not something else darker.
and the thing was, him being romantic during sex wasn't bad, as you didn't mind when cuddling turned to gentle fucking in the morning, or when he'd do something as simple as kiss down your body before eating you out. after all, he was your husband, and he was still good at it... suspiciously good.
but now, it was like the insecurity of his body made him more desperate to prove he's worth staying with because he can do something more than just make you cum.
you've told him dozens of times before that you find him handsome regardless of how he wants his body to look, that you'll support him to try and find the weight and muscle wants. whether it be lower or higher than now.
you've also told him dozens of times before that he doesn't look bad now, in fact, quite the opposite. this of course, makes him appear a little shy, as he still has a hard time accepting compliments, but he'll always nod in agreement anyway.
you guess that maybe should probably tell him that you might actually prefer this beefier, chubbier body type he's been carrying around.
but what happens when you're honest and he thinks you're only humoring him? you don't want him to be upset, really, but you find it worse to think that he may believe you're lying.
he's been lied to for most of his life, and it'd be heartbreaking if he ever was convinced in his mind that maybe, just maybe, you were just being patient instead of honest.
so you stay neutral, refusing to mention how you feel about it even when you get turned on by the simplicity, that is bucky.
and all of that is led to this moment. yet again, you're checking him out, giving him an up-down to take in how he appears in his attire.
but you don't say anything, and it irks bucky. he wants you to speak your mind about this silent topic that's slowly including more tension into your everyday life. at least a little.
"what is it?" bucky, peaks his head over his shoulder, his gaze catching yours for what feels like only half a second.
"nothing," was your reply...
annoying enough.
"it's 'cause i'm bigger, right?" he presses, his hands fumbling with the plum he had picked up a few moments earlier.
you blink at him for a second, then huff softly through your nose, like he’s just said something ridiculous.
“you say that like it’s a bad thing.”
it slips out before you can stop it. and for a second, you freeze. so does he. but not because of anything other than your reaction.
some of the things you said, sometimes made him feel like you enjoyed him getting thicker.
“…what?” his brows pull together. he didn't look upset, but rather, confused.
you wave a hand in front of your face quickly, like you can brush it off. “i-i mean, i’m just looking, buck. you’re right there.”
you lean back a little where you’re sitting, tilting your head at him, letting your gaze drag over him again. it's purposefully lighter this time. more obvious but less… loaded.
“what, i’m not allowed to look at my own husband now?”
he huffs at that, something almost like a quiet laugh under his breath as he glances away for a second.
“that’s not what i meant.”
“mm, well it sounds like it is.” you shrug, easy, like this isn’t sitting in your chest at all. like you didn’t almost say too much.
he watches you for a moment longer than necessary. simply thinking.
“i just—” he starts, then pauses, jaw shifting slightly. “i don’t know what you’re thinking half the time.”
that one’s got a kick to it, unintentionally making something in your chest squeeze
you soften a little at that, your voice following. “you don’t need to.”
“kinda do,” he mutters, but there’s no bite to it.
"c'mere." you smile a little, smaller now, and pat the space next to you.
he hesitates for maybe half a second. then sets the plum down on the counter to walk over. it's like he’s still not totally convinced.
you reach for him as soon as he’s close enough, hands settling easy against his sides, thumbs pressing lightly into the softness there without thinking about it.
he tenses for a second, but he doesn't fully pull away, he's just… noticing how easily he can feel your hold on him
so you squeeze gently, grounding it into something normal, something affectionate, like it wasn’t anything else.
“see?” you sigh, glancing up at him. “it's still you.”
his shoulders drop a little at that. not all the way. but enough.
“yeah?” he huffs, quieter now and slightly embarrassed.
you nod quickly, like it’s obvious. “yeah.”
it's unfortunate that bucky doesn't like his body, because you can feel that same question sitting there again, just waiting to come back and cause him doubt again.
so, you nudge him lightly., nuzzling into a hug.
“besides,” you add, a little teasing creeping back in, “if i had a problem, you’d know.”
that gets a real reaction, his brow lifting slightly like you had offended him.
“oh, yeah?”
“yeah,” you grin. “i’m very vocal, remember?”
he huffs again, shaking his head a little, but there’s something warmer in it now. something eased.
“yeah,” he repeats.
but you can tell that he’s still looking at you in interest, lile he’s trying to figure something out. even as he lets himself relax into you.
it doesn’t take much after that.
it never really does. not when you’re already this close, your hands still on him, his settling more comfortably into domestic life without really thinking about it.
it starts soft, as everything always does with him. it's familiar, from easy touches to gentle presses of his lips against yours. his hands find your waist, yours sliding up his arms, slow and absentminded at first. but there’s something else there now. something a little more aware.
he kisses you like he usually does, steady and grounding... but he lingers more. like he’s waiting to listen for your full reaction.
your fingers curl into his shirt, pulling him closer without thinking, and he goes easily, pressing into you with more weight than before. you feel it, and it almost makes you pause. he does too, and you can tell by the way he snorts. just for a second, like he was teasing you.
“this okay?” he murmurs, voice low, close to your mouth.
"yeah," you nod immediately, and you mean it. probably more than he realizes.
his grip tightens slightly at your waist, still never rough, just… firmer. testing.
“yeah?” he asks again, softer this time but even more annoying in it's playfulness.
there’s something in the way he says it, because he's not just checking, he's asking. but it's like he's trying to press you for a better explanation.
you hum in response, a little breathless now, and pull him down into another kiss instead of answering properly.
as always, it works. but this time it only does so for a second. bucky’s not stupid. and he’s not letting it go this time, not completely.
his mouth drags from yours, slower, more deliberate, like he’s thinking while he does it, his hand shifting slightly where it rests on you.
“you sure you don’t mind?” he whispers, quieter now.
your breath catches a little this time, but not from the question. from how he says it. like he wants to believe you. like he’s giving you another chance to be honest.
your hands tighten on him slightly, and instead of trying to push the issue away with a kiss,, you hug him.
"i said that it's fine," you murmur. "really, buck. m'fine. i find you attractive still."
you feel the way he stills for just a second. just enough to notice before he moves again.
"yeah, but why?"
"ugh, james." you huff, irritated at that.
"no, don't walk away," bucky pouted, pulling you back just as quickly as you tried to walk off. "it's a genuine question."
"and all my previous answers aren't ever genuine enough?"
"... okay, i see why you'd be frustrated."
you deadpan.
"I won't ask anymore," he chuckles, pressing another kiss on your cheek before hugging you tighter.
Even though it's still gentle, still him, it feels… more intentful, like he's still up to something.
really, it's not that drastic. he’s simply planning to feel the answer out for himself.
"let me make it up to you, yeah?"
"it's not that serious, I forgive you." you roll your eyes. but bucky's having none of it, cupping your face with his hands to reel you back in.
"please? it'll be worth your while."
how embarrassing. if there was one thing Bucky was bad at, it was trying to get his way into the bedroom, with you in tow.
"who says that anymore?"
"... your 110 year old husband."
"touche." you retreated with an already exhausted expression. "but I was about to do something before you bugged me."
"bugged you?" bucky gasped, clearly offended. "you were the one staring like you were undressing me."
and that's how he won... well, kind of.
you gave in, sure, but you found out very quickly that his body was a lethal weapon when it came to interrogations.
he wanted that answer.
even now, as he manhandles you into a position that makes things almost unbearably tight, you're trying your best not to lose your mind and start blabbering on about your newfound kink.
and he was pressing all the fucking buttons.
his palms are pressing into your thighs, just under your knees. fingers sprawled across the fat of them, he can't help but squeeze them to hold you open while his meaty cock pushes into you. over and over again, bucky pulls his cock out until only the swollen head is nuzzled in your warm hole.
then, he sinks back in, annoyingly slow, grinding the fat, spongy tip against your soft and embarrassingly sensitive walls.
you're smearing his sticky precum inside you, whimpering at every rigid vein and throbbing inch of his cock that drags along.
buck is so sickeningly gentle, it makes you want to cry.
"that's good, right?"
why is he so damn composed!?
it feels like a piss take.
moaning is the only response you can muster right now, your back arching as he pumps his cock into you again.
"i told you already," you whine, half in frustration, half in your impending orgasm.
bucky echoes the with his own when he hits a sensitive spot, the sound rumbling through his chest as he ruts his cock in and out of you.
wet, squelching noises from all the slick you're both leaking fill the room, adding to the slap of his heavy balls against your ass with each thrust.
they're so big now, swollen and almost annoying whenever the heaviness connects to you. the girth of his dick makes your pussy drool around his shaft, leaking out to mix with the sticky mess already coating your thighs. fluid ooze out from where you're joined, slowly dripping onto the bed and making a mess.
"i know..." he says down at you, analyzing your fucked out expression. "but I wanna hear it again. you don't mind that 'm all chubby?"
you have to refrain from rambling, closing your eyes to collect your thoughts. "no. i still—mngh... like you so much, bucky."
but then, his tip presses far too deep inside you and your eyes snap open.
he's never gone that far in before, and you feel so full as he bottoms out and presses against that soft spot inside you that makes your head fall back against the wood of the bedframe. hard.
"shit, are you okay?"
"yeah," you almost laugh, his hand covering yours where you had made contact. "it's not as bad as it sounded."
"you sure?"
"don't worry, m'good—ohmygosh."
he pushes his cock deeper with a roll of his hips, then draws back nice and slow, watching how your pussy adjusts to his size with each thrusts, your soft, hot heat molding around his cock and sucking him back in whenever he draws back.
"you sure?" he asks again, but this time it feels like he's asking a different question.
"yes, promise." you almost sob, your back arching off the bed.
he's panting slightly at how much tighter you feel. you've always been tight, your velvety walls wrapping perfectly around his dick, but with how he's gotten bigger, there's less space in your pussy for him to fit, and it feels like he's cramming himself inside you.
"i'm... i'm gonna... fuckin' hell." he moans, picking up the pace and staring down at you, pupils blown and lips parted as broken moans leave his soft lips.
he pushes a thumb onto your clit, the pads rubbing against the throbbing nub as it adds to the pleasure he's already giving you. he's wanting the two of you to cum together. though more than anything, he wants to know for sure that you're still attracted to him.
bucky's hips rock faster, hands squeezing your thighs and easily lifting your hips so he can pump his cock deeper into you. his tip kisses your cervix with each thrust, not ramming against it, just pushing on it, pressing down just like how his thumb is pressing on your clit.
"wanna make you feel good, all the time." he continues, his gasping and groaning turning pathetic now as his head tucks into the crook of his neck. "you really don't mind?"
"no, don't—hah... mind. i swear, you always make me feel good, so good." you quickly shake your head, cock drunk at this point.
"you mean it?" he continues, practically whimpering as he started rambling on now. he was like an abused puppy, just trying to make sure that he got some comfort from someone.
you complimenting him on something as simple as making you feel good was more than enough for him.
"mean it, really do. you feel so good!"
he finishes inside you, veins bulging along his shaft as your walls clench and flutter around him, your orgasm hitting at the same time.
bucky stays buried inside you, his load shooting into you. it's thick and hot and the volume is so much that it bulges your belly just a little, excess trickling out and leaking out.
while both of you cum, you tug him down into a deep kiss, and he sighs almost dreamily as you pull him in. you meet his thrusts with little bounces of your hips, the two of you riding out your highs together with your lips mushed together.
"you okay?" bucky calls quietly, pressing an extra kiss onto your forehead when your eyes close.
"yeah, i'm just fine."
he nods as he kisses you again, slower this time.
not searching like before, or testing. just… there.
and it almost makes it worse. because he’s still thinking about it. you can feel it in the way his hand lingers at your waist, in the way his thumb presses in absentminded circles like he’s grounding himself.
like he’s trying not to ask again.
your fingers tighten slightly around him, hoping to comfort him.
“…buck.”
he hums softly against your mouth, not pulling away completely. “yeah?”
you hesitate. it sits right there, at the back of your throat. it's too big and too small at the same time. stupid, almost.
but it matters.
“…i didn’t mean it like that.” you swallow, stopping there. it makes him pause, but he doesn't pull away far. just enough to look at you properly, brows pulling together slightly.
“like what?”
your gaze drops for a second.
and that’s all it takes for him to notice that you're uncomfortable.
“hey,” he murmurs, softer now, his hand shifting just slightly against you “what is it?”
you huff quietly, more embarrassed than anything now, your fingers fidgeting where they rest against him.
“i just—” you start, then stop, shaking your head a little. “it’s dumb.”
“probably not, nothing really dumb when it comes to you.” he shrugs, the faintest hint of something lighter and warmer there. “c’mon.”
you glance up at him again, hesitant. he’s watching you, as patient as ever. not pushing. just waiting.
why does knowing that he won't be angry somehow makes it harder?
“…i do like it,” you admit finally, quieter than before.
he blinks. “like what?”
you groan softly under your breath, immediately wanting to take it back. “don’t make me say it again.”
there’s a beat of silence, like he's recalibrating. and then, of course, he smirks.
“say what again?” he asks, and there’s just the slightest edge of teasing in it now. not mean, but just enough to make your face warm.
"c'mon, bucky." you nudge at him weakly. “i don't want to get all flustered.”
“i’m just making sure i heard you right,” he chuckles, lips twitching a little.
you narrow your eyes at him, but there’s no real bite to it.
"please? repeat yourself. m'not sure I heard you right."
“…your body,” you mumble, finally. “i like it. like this.”
his gaze flicks over your face, searching, like he’s trying to figure out if you’re joking or not.
you guess you can't blame him though, his cyborg brain sometimes does need extra time for processing stuff.
“you mean that?” he asks finally, realizing rather quickly that there was no teasing in your words.
you nod, a little more firmly this time, even if your voice stays soft. “yeah.”
he studies you for another second.
the two. like he’s waiting for something to give. but it doesn’t.
“…huh.” he hums, though it’s not disbelief... at least, not exactly. just… unfamiliar.
you shift slightly under his gaze, suddenly self-conscious for a completely different reason. which causes him to blink down at you like a lovesick puppy.
“i didn’t say anything ‘cause i didn’t want you to think i, like—” you gesture vaguely between you. “wanted you to stay insecure or something. that’d be messed up.”
his expression changes at that, softening before a small smile crept in again.
"you think i’d jump to that?”
“well, you’ve been through a lot.” you shrug a little.
that gets a quiet exhale out of him. not quite a laugh. but close. “yeah,” he admits. There’s a pause. and then his hand shifts again at your side—firmer this time, more intentional. not testing anymore. just… holding.
"... what is it?" you take a breath, waiting for him to speak his mind some more.
“still feels weird,” he says after a second, almost like he’s thinking out loud. “hearing that.”
“i know,” you murmur, deciding not to try and convince him harder. you'll just let it sit there, because it is true, even if it doesn’t fix everything.
his thumb moves again, slower now, tracing the same spot like he’s grounding himself in it.in you.
“you’re serious, though,” he adds, glancing at you again.
you roll your eyes lightly, but there’s a small smile there now. “yes, buck. i’m serious.”
“…kinda cute, the way you said it,” he mutters.
your eyes snap back to his, embarrassment paired with slight frustration. “oh, god..please don’t start.”
there it is. that small, familiar shift. he huffs softly, something almost shy in it despite the teasing. “what? you were all quiet about it.”
“because you made it weird.”
“i made it weird?” his brow lifts slightly.
“yes.”
“you’re the one staring at me all the time.”
you open your mouth to argue... and then close it again.
“…okay, that’s fair.”
that actually gets a small, real smile out of him. soft and a little crooked. and gosh, there it is. that version of him. the one that makes your chest ache a little.
the one that always feels like home.
his shoulders loosen more after that, the tension bleeding out of him in slow, quiet pieces as he leans down again, pressing closer.
his weight settles into you more fully this time. comfortable and easy. like he’s letting himself be held just as much as he’s holding you. it's wanting, but not urgent by any means.
you don’t comment on it. just wrap your arms around him a little tighter. and he lets you. no hesitation. all that leaves him is a quiet breath against your skin as he tucks himself in closer, like he’s finally letting himself believe you. at least a little.
the issues that he has with his body aren't fixed, nor the guilt that plagues his mind still. but you help him work through it.
so he's still suffering, but not as completely as he was before. right now, you're enough.
"love you."
"love you more, bucky."
"... nah, i don't think so. i love you more."
"whatever."
"hah."
