#lucas ff

[keytomythoughts]

Eleutheromania Directory

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𝙿𝚛𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚞𝚎

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝟶𝟷

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝟶𝟸

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝟶𝟹

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝟶𝟺

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝟶𝟻

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝟶𝟼

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝟶𝟽

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝟶𝟾

[jaeminscoffee]

Promises

Pairing -  Wong Lucas x reader

Genre- Fluff, smut

Warning- Fingering, praise kink. That’s about it

Summary- Balance of mutual love and understanding is what keeps a relationship tact for long time. Lucky for you, you have the most caring boyfriend who never rushes anything. So for your 5th anniversary, you gift him something special that will stay in his mind for a long time.

This particular oneshot was requested!

Requests open ♡

Lucas was stuck in office even for your 5th anniversary to a point where he had to facetime you that morning because he wasn't able to wake up next to you to give you a loving kiss and hold you tight in his arms.

You didn't mind though, you needed time to think of what you'd gift him anyways so as sad as it was to not have him beside you on your anniversary, you could live with it.

Lucas is a very caring lad, would take everything according to your pace , only proceeding in things initiated by him if you were comfortable with doing so.

That was mainly the reason you have never had things get intimate between the two of you. Sure there would be a very heated make out session but nothing more than that.

Over the 5 years of your relationship, Lucas would make sure that you'd feel all his love through every single one of his actions. But not today you thought, you wanted to give him something special. Something that would leave a permanent memory in both of your minds. Something more than just a make out session, you were ready to give yourself whole to him so why not?

You were going to be the one initiating things this time.

You took a shower and head into your closet, reaching for the top shelf where you had kept the first ever set of lingerie that you'd bought but could never wear.

It's almost as though you had already planned all this because the set happened to be of his favorite color. Baby pink.

The light pink baby doll set fitting gracefully gave you a very innocent image. He was going to love this and you knew that.

It was late in the evening at around 8:48 or ish when you'd finished dolling yourself up for him, wrapping a bathrobe to hide your surprise, when you made your way to the kitchen to make his favorite dessert, when you heard the door open from the hall.

You walk over to the sink washing your hands before resuming your activity, you felt hands wrap around your waist, a head resting above your head.

"Hey" Lucas spoke in his deep voice, pressing a kiss on your temple. You turn around, his hands still around you, wrapping your own arms around his torso leaning in resting your head on his chest.

"Someone seemed to have missed me a lot" he said, letting out a chuckle as he started making his way to the living room, dragging you along. "Hey the cake!" you squeal, not trying to put up a protest, letting him pull you along.

"That can wait". Seconds before reaching the living room, Lucas removed his neck tie, "turn around" he said, turning you around himself not waiting for you to do so as he tied his necktie around your eyes "Is this really necessary?" you ask, laughing slightly. "Yep" was all he said before abandoning you in the middle of the hall.

"Lucas?" you turn around looking, a stupid move considering the fact that you were blind folded. "Hold on for a second baby". His voice sounded distant, like he was in another room, which, he was.

After what seemed like minutes, You felt a hand tug yours straight ahead until you were finally made to stand still once again. You hear a little shuffling all over the place.

"Alright take your blindfolds off when i count down from 3" Lucas said, starting the count down, right at 3 you removed his neck tie from over your eyes, looking ahead and then down to see Lucas on his knees, with a ring in his hands. "Don't say anything, let me do the talking for now" he said as he saw your eyes widen and lips quiver. "This isn't exactly a proposal ring, no, this ring is definitely not worth that much for an occasion as special as that so. This is a promise ring, a promise ring that marks us as each others, a ring that has to be on the finger where our engagement ring is soon going to be." he pauses for a second to get back up on his feet.

"So my love, what I'm trying to get at is that, I promise to love you, and only you till the very end, i promise you that i am yours and truly yours only. This ring, i should see you wear this ring every single day, every single hour, every single minute and every single second until it's replaced by me. Because you're the one, who I've chosen to spend the rest of my life with and life without you is one that i cannot get myself to imagine. You're the reason i wake up every morning with a smile on my face. You're the reason i get back home, stress free and happy because i get to see you again, and now i want you to be the reason why my heart's going to beat for the rest of my existence. So Y/n, do you promise to be mine for the rest of your life? To only love me till the very end?" he asks, taking your shaking hand into his, waiting for your reply.

You couldn't say anything, you were hyperventilating at his heart touching part promise -confession that all you could get yourself to do was choke out a tiny 'yes' before throwing yourself completely at him, pulling him in a tight embrace, which he gladly returned.

The two of you stay like that for what felt like hours before Lucas pulled back, once again taking your hand into his while slipping the ring up your finger. It was a ring with his initials engraved on it and it was absolutely beautiful. He lifted your hand up, looking at the finger with the ring in it with so much adoration before lifting his own, showing the ring that adorned his finger with your initials engraved on it. "Happy Anniversary beautiful".

He lowered your hands, placing his on your cheeks pulling you close, "I love you so so much" he said, placing a tiny peck on your lips before placing soft kisses all over your face. You stop his demonstration and remove his hands from your cheeks, instead placing yours on his. "I love you too" was the only thing you said, before pulling him in for a kiss.

His hands automatically found your hip, yours wrapped around his neck.

The kiss started off slow and sweet, your lips molding perfectly against each others until you bit his bottom lips, tugging at the hair behind his neck. He let out a low grunt, dipping in lower to pull you closer.

It started to get pretty heated. You broke the kiss, gasping for air, a crimson color painting your cheek. You take his hands in yours and started leading him away from the hall to your shared bedroom.

Upon reaching the room you once again pull him in for a kiss, this one being much intense and needy than the last. You stand on your toes for better access, deepening the kiss, when he let his tongue swipe your bottom lips, asking for permission to enter, to which you gladly allow him to, a soft moan leaving your lips.

You reach for his office shirt, unbuttoning it one after another until there was only two still intact when you press your palm flat onto his toned chest. He broke the kiss this time, panting, and you took this opportunity to kiss up his chest where your hand layed, marking the territory as yours. You bit down onto the skin to which he groaned, tucking at your hair slightly , he pulled you away looking straight into your eyes. "Babe, what are you doing?"

"Something i should've done a long time ago" you say, getting back to your previous actions, which he stopped once again. "What?" he asked, letting out a small moan as he saw you pull his hands away from your hair, to your mouth, first gently kissing the finger which adorned the ring with your initial, the slowly taking his finger into your mouth, sucking on it gently.

"I need you Lucas. I really need you" you say, voice raspy. Something about the look in his eyes changed, the color turning ebony dark, he let out a few incoherent words. "Say it again honey" Lucas said, after seconds of looking all over your face to see if you were uncomfortable with carrying this forward, shoving you towards the bed softly once he found that you weren't.

"I need you" You say a little louder than last, the words clear as day as he smashed his lips right back onto yours, laying you down gently on the bed, hovering above you, unbuttoning the last two buttons of what remained on his shirt, pulling it off his shoulder, discarding it somewhere behind him as he deepened the kiss further, this time not bothering to ask permission as he let his tongue enter your mouth. You moan out his name at the roughness of the kiss.

"Fuck babe, do that louder, you sound so hot moaning my name" he said placing his hands on your waist, his knees between your legs. "Are you sure you want to do this?", Lucas asked you, placing a light kiss at the corner of your lips after breaking the kiss for the nth time that night. You were far too into the pleasure to even think of backing out now. Not like you planned on doing that anyways.

"I've never been so sure about anything before" you say in a seductive voice, the look in your eyes mirroring his. Lust taking over the both of you. "Stop me if it gets too much to handle" Lucas said, planting a kiss on the crook of your neck before reaching out to the rope that kept your bathrobe together, removing the knot.

Upon seeing what's underneath it as the robe slid off you, Lucas backed away from the bed, pulling you up, breathing out a low 'damn'. You giggle, seeing him look at you as though he was head over heels for you, which infact, he was. "Do a quick twirl for me, will you?" he said, looking at you, letting go of your hands before sitting back onto the bed.

You do as he say, twirling as slow as you can, before doing it quick, revealing your panties. Lucas groan at the sight, his dent now clearly visible through his pants it almost looked painful. He did nothing as you stand still after the twirl, so you make your way towards Lucas, sitting on his lap, right on top of his bulge.

You start rocking your hips back and forth his clothed member, his hand finding your hips as the pressure on his bulge helped reveal a little tension. His grip tighten as you pick up a fast pace, moaning at the feeling on your clit. You could've cum right then looking at Lucas' contorted look that took over his manly features.

The air hot and steamy in the room with nothing but your moans blending in together was enough for his last straw to be pulled as he dipped his hands low, placing it on your ass as he moved you faster. He let go of your ass with one hand, moving it under your lingerie and over your clothed clit, gently applying pressure.

You let out a loud moan which encouraged him to do it once again, running his hands up and down your clothed pussy, finding a wet spot on your panties "Does that feel good baby?" Lucas asked as he slipped his finger into your panties, the pleasure doubling as you feel much more pressure without the cloth barrier. You didn't answer, instead grind onto the pad of his thumb which was toying with your clit. He let you have your ways, as he dipped his face forward, kissing his way up your neck to your cheeks and then placed a soft kiss on your lips before removing his hands from you panties, hearing you whine at the loss of contact, moving you so that you were standing up. "Answer me princess, does that feel good?" he said, removing the lingerie, leaving you bare in front of him with just your panties on. He pulled you back onto his lap, your back connected to his chest as he wrapped his hands around you, taking one of your hardened nipples and twisting it.

You throw your head back, resting it on his shoulder, nodding vigorously "Yes it does, sh-shit", he smirked, letting go of your nipples before letting his hands roam all over your body, finally placing it back onto your slit. You let out a loud moan as he draws slow, small circles on your clit, kissing your shoulder as you sigh out of content. You relax back onto his chest as he presses harsh kisses on your neck making sure to leave marks, continuing to play with your clit.

Taking notice of you drifting into your subspace at his slow pace, he entered a finger into your slit, taking you off guard. You gasp out of suprise, clutching onto his hands "Lucas oh god" you moan, he curses under his breath as he watches you writhe out of pleasure in his arms "That's right baby, that's my name" he said in his low voice, which seemingly sounded deeper than usual as he set a normal pace, pumping into you.

It wasn't until he felt you gently clench around his fingers when he decided to add another into your hole. "f-fuck babe" was all you could say, feeling him curl his fingers inside of you as he quickened his pace ever so slightly, hitting one particular spot over and over again. "That's it baby, you look great all fucked up in my arms, c'mon moan louder, let me hear your beautiful voice" Lucas spoke barely above a whisper.

His words mixed with his actions only added more onto the knot you felt growing tight in your stomach. You moan out a litter louder than all previous, pressing your head hard onto his shoulder, giving him an easy access to mark you more as he let his free arm grab your breast, kneeding it gently.

"Oh my god Lucas I'm so close. So so close" you ramble out in a high pitched voice. He feels you clenching around his finger more frequently as he fastens his pumping, adding more pressure into kneeding your breast, pinching your nipple every now and then, pressing harder kisses on your neck. You scream as the pleasures feels oh too good as you grip his thighs hard. "Cum for me baby" he said not bothering to slow down.

You felt the knot come undone as you squirm harder in his arms, squeezing your eyes tightly shut. Gasping as his fingers continue rubbing circles on your clit.

He finally stops, removing his fingers out from inside of you, bringing the cum coated finger right into his mouth. You moan at the sight. "As expected, as sweet as I'd ever imagined" he said. As he turned around, placing you gently onto the sheets, getting up from the bed.

He stands straight up, his hands finding their way to his belt, unbuckling it.

"You can take another one right baby?" he asks as he let out a groan at the way your body layed flat on the bed.

You couldn't get yourself to verbally answer so you just nod. Once he was all rid of clothes, he hovered over you for the second time that night, placing a soft kiss on your lips.

"I promise you I'll make sure you remember this night for a long long time, princess"

Was all he said and oh was he good at keeping promises.

-

It's an open imagination ending! Hope you liked it and I'm sorry if anything came rushed, even though i wrote a suggestive oneshot the last time, this is the first time i write a smut so please do let me know if anythings out of place! 💗 (not proof read ✌)

[keytomythoughts]

Eleutheromania | Chapter 01

Chapter Index

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It wasn’t long that my boyfriend Lucas had been drafted for mandatory military service. Days had stretched to weeks, and weeks prolonged to months. The society we live in doesn’t give young men, especially those living in sectors where serving is compulsory, the luxury to bypass this duty. 

I had been with Lucas since his name was first registered as those fit to serve Neo City. At the age of twenty, he had submitted his draft forms as required by the royal family, being selected from the pool the following year. Lucas, already twenty-two now, didn’t escape the clutches of this system. In fact, he was chosen earlier, having only one year of peace before receiving a notice from the officials that he was required to leave to the military immediately. 

Knowing the kind of ruling established by this fruitful city, I understood the time away Lucas would spend from me. It wasn’t ideal, nor was it fair, but I wasn’t one to complain. I loved him, and I would wait for him, regardless if he came now or far into the future. Yet, when I walk around the apartment we share where his oversized hoodies and sweats lay scattered around our bedroom and his heavy cologne hangs in the foreboding silence, I can’t help but feel the pang of loneliness, craving the love and touch from the man I hold so dearly.

Today is one of those days. Days where I long for Lucas to be home, to have him embrace me in his tight grasp, curling up on the couch and staying there for hours while talking and eventually falling asleep with us still locked in each other’s arms. 

Having to serve in the military was tough already, but nothing would’ve ever prepared me for the sacrifice and patience I would have to exhibit just anxiously waiting for him to come home safe and sound. 

Pulling on one of his oversized hoodies, I lay down in his side of the bed. Tangling myself within the many sheets that hold the strong, sweet scent of his cologne. The ocean breeze with a touch of pine. His smell is exotic, alluring. It alone is one of the only things keeping Lucas’ presence alive in our abode. Remembering the times we cherished each other in ways that would leave us breathless and immensely pleasured. 

My phone lights up on the nightstand nearby, and I sluggishly reach out from within the cavern of our bed sheet and pillows to grab it. I pause for a moment to view my lock screen, a picture of the two of us when we first started dating. It was during autumn when we walked down a trail of beautifully colored leaves all scattered about on the ground beneath us, the sun angled to cast its luminous glow on our figures. At that moment, Lucas insisted on giving me a piggyback ride, concerned at how tired I might’ve been for walking so long—even though I refused a countless number of times. 

And with my cheek resting on top of his head, this picture was born. Our eyes twinkling at that time of day, his large orbs burning a vibrant gray and mine a soft emerald. My dark brown hair nearly frozen because of the exposure to the chilly air, yet his remained a lustrous and thick black. And his smile. That perfect, beautiful smile that brings out the subtlety of his dimples never fails to make my heart skip a beat, the world and all its troubles pausing for just the briefest of moments when his lips pull back to reveal his pearly-white shine. 

One of my most favorite and treasured memories, that’s for sure. 

I squint at the single notification, the corners of my lips tugging upwards in a small smile. It was from Lucas. How he manages to secretly text while on active duty still both worries and surprises me. 

         Jae, baby, are you still awake?

My cheeks slightly burn, my fingers slowly typing my reply:

                It’s only 6 in the evening, Lucas. 

        You sleep at random hours of the day, love.

I couldn’t disagree with that, but with Lucas gone, it was hard to fall asleep. Whenever my eyes would close, I would only see him. His enormous, twinkling orbs that make my heart swirl in my chest, his captivating smile that even an angel would be put to shame, and his soft, gentle touch that would make me feel secure and loved. Everything, just every tiny detail about him is etched into my memory. That made me miss him even more. It’s been a year since I’ve last been with him physically, the days passing now making it seem more and more unbearable to be without him. 

I find my eyes rapidly blinking, but I use my sleeve to wipe the forming tears away. Instead, I focus my attention back on Lucas’ messages.

                How’s the military training going? You’re not hurt, are you?

        Me? Hurt? Jaeun-ah, are you losing faith in your sexy, strong boyfriend?

The burning intensifies as I keep the conversation going:

                It’s not my fault I’m worried, Lucas. You know how the military is :(

        Jagi, I’m fine. There’s nothing to worry about, promise. 

A small sigh of relief exhales my parted lips. Lucas may be everything, but he’s definitely not a liar. I drift off in thinking that I fail to notice Lucas already typing another message:

        I miss you, baby.

My lips curl into a sad smile, my head simultaneously burying deeper into the pillows beneath me. The hoodie covers the lower half of my face in the process, the musky scent of my boyfriend filling my senses with pure nostalgia. 

                I miss you more. When are you gonna come home?

His message bubble appears and disappears for a couple of seconds. Without even having to send me a written reply, I already knew what that meant. Just then, he sends a reply:

        It’s hard to tell right now. I’m sorry, I know I told you I was going to come home soon, but they’re making me stay longer. My captain’s trying to get me out of it, but it’s apparently out of his hands. :/ 

My heart sinks in my chest. How much I missed Lucas…

                Babe, it’s okay. I’m okay as long as you’re okay. I’ll always wait for you, no matter what. You know that <3  

        You have no idea how badly I want to come home to you and your pretty face. God, I miss you so freaking much. It’s not fair I got to spend only a year with you.

                I know, but this is what you have to do, and I’ve come to terms with it...

        Really?

                Fine, not really. But, I still miss you. And your hugs. And your smile. And just everything.

        Aww, I’m betting you’re in bed wearing my clothes again, right?

I take this moment to take a quick selfie, pouting. I send it instantly.

                Guilty >-<

        You do look cute in my hoodie though...damn it, you’re making it hard for me to stay here when all I wanna do is cuddle with you all day :(

                Then hurry up and complete your service so you can, babe.

        Thinking of you every day is what’s keeping me going, Jaeun <3

My smile reappears, this time a few tears escaping the pools in my eyes. I sniffle, attempting to reply to his text, but he sends another one right after:

        Hey, babe, I’m so sorry, but I have to go. We have to make rounds and Cap can’t stall for long. 

I wipe my tears again, finding the keys through my semi-blurred vision.

                Yeah, sure. Stay safe, Lucas. Talk to you later.

        Just wait a little longer, babe. I’ll be home soon, I promise. I love you, Jaeun <3 And no crying, princess. 

How did he..? Perplexed, I waste no time in responding:

                Who said anything about crying?

        Baby, I know you. I can read you as clear as day. Save those tears for when I come home ;) 

I sniffle a couple more times before the tears eventually dry up. 

                Fine, but only because I love you, babe.

        And I even more. Take care, princess.

                Bye <3 

Sighing, I sink even deeper into the soft cushioning the bed provides, finding some way to fill the void of Lucas’ absence. But to no luck. I place my phone back on the nightstand and lay still, the only noise coming from the soft ticking of the clock. Turning my gaze to the left-side window, my eyes are fixated on the sunset, the sky bathed in warm colors of dusty rose to peach-orange. 

Sunsets remind me of him the most. The crystal-clear shade of gray reminds me of his eyes. The large orbs that are always filled with love and wonder, the small glint in them shimmering like the soft yellow of the setting sun. 

Just simply breathtaking.

And yet, here I am, observing this one, again, without him by my side.

Prologue | Chapter 01 | Chapter 02 |

[keytomythoughts]

Eleutheromania | Prologue

Chapter Index

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“Baekhyun, slow down!”

“It’s not my fault I run faster, Taeyeonie!”

The two kids frantically chase each other around the field, the sun beating down on their little bodies as Taemin watches them from under the shade of a tree. Normally, the three weren’t allowed outside the palace, especially the prince, but Baekhyun had managed to slip him past the guards so effortlessly. Taeyeon had tagged along, and now here they were. Laughing, playing in the garden where the three would always frequent. Their first encounter years ago.

The young prince sighs, running a hand through his coarse, pale-blonde hair. He really didn’t prefer to be outside, spending most of his time behind palace walls surrounded by watchful eyes. But, it was something he had gotten used to from a young age. As the next heir to the throne, it only made sense for his parents, the King and Queen, to protect their only son, especially from outside influences. Explains his distaste for mingling with crowds, preferring the solitude over company. 

How long had it been since Baekhyun and Tayeon had changed that for him? 

Taemin didn’t feel so pressured by his title with the young lord, who had quickly become acquainted with the prince himself. Though two years older, Baekhyun failed to address him as the prince on numerous occasions, and after a while, Taemin had stopped caring. He and Taeyeon had both managed to squeeze their way into Taemin’s cold, desolate heart that was almost nearly devoid of emotion. He believed love to be a facade. After all, his parents didn’t seem to love each other, nor had they married out of love. Neo City needed their rulers, and the higher families decided this far before the city was well underway to development. 

Baekhyun flops down on the grass next to Taemin, his dark brown head tilted upwards to the boy with a smile plastered on his face. The young lord was carefree, always adorning his signature grin whenever the prince had seen him within the palace court. His father was an esteemed official amongst the court and was highly influential in matters pertaining to the royal family. While Taemin didn’t like the man himself, he couldn’t say the same for his son. It wasn’t necessarily that he liked him, but he didn’t feel that hating him was right either. And as things that troubled him went, he did the only thing he was an expert at doing. 

Ignoring.  

Of course, this didn’t deter the boy, taking it as a challenge instead. With a mischievous glint in his pale golden eyes and the wide grin stretching across his face, Byun Baekhyun had slowly, but surely, sowed a place for himself in Taemin’s heart. The latter would never admit it, but the older boy had grown on him, often missing his presence when all he wanted to do was get away from the day’s events. 

Taemin pays no mind to Baekhyun’s antics to get his attention, instead gazing far into the horizon, his amber-green eyes flickering between the birds flying about and the paleness of the sun. Around the garden, the spring flowers were in full bloom, decorating the green bushes similar to pearls embroidered on the dresses worn by the women of the royal court. Taeyeon was picking some flowers off the bushes, her frame swaying back and forth as she fervently collected. She quietly hums to herself as her nimble fingers pick up another daisy, then a lily. Her eyes shimmer with delight as she finds more flowers to pick before moving on to another bush. 

Kim Taeyeon, the daughter of the Royal Physician, had been good friends with Baekhyun far before Taemin had even met the two. She was bright, cheerful, and full of hope. A petite girl, barely reaching up to the boys’ height, yet older than the two—the young lord by three years and the prince by four. Similar to the way royal subjects swooned over the sharp and handsome features of the two boys, Taeyeon’s small face, sweet smile, and chestnut-brown eyes were enough to captivate anyone who had crossed paths with her. Taeyeon was indeed beautiful, even though she was still a young girl. All the court officials adored her. The way her eyes glinted when she was excited, how she would walk with a light bounce in her steps. She was the epitome of beauty, and though Taemin hadn't been around the two for as long as Taeyeon and Baekhyun had been with each other, he could already sense the love Baekhyun had for her. Hell, it wasn’t even discreet. A blind man could even see just how much Baekhyun cared for Taeyeon. Ironic, considering Taemin had forgotten what it meant to love a long time ago. So he assumed, roughly, that’s how it would be. 

How Taemin envied the two for their bright personalities being a sharp contrast to his very own. Longing to be the way they were, to be surrounded by constant happiness and goodness. Desperately wishing he wasn’t the prince of a city that seemed to inevitably suck the life out of him more as the days pass.  

Growing up around such luxury, he had become immune to the flaunting of wealth when visitors had come into the palace, scoffing at their meager attempts to appease the King and Queen. Just what could they possibly offer that he already didn’t have? That would be his initial thought. For most of his childhood, that philosophy was engraved in his mind like a carving on stone. Firmly believing that only materialistic things such as power and wealth were something that determined relationships, set boundaries, established ranks. However, after much time spent with the older pair, he had found that rock slowly chipping away. Similar to not being to teach an old dog new tricks, Taemin still retained his sense of distrust and cynical thoughts on individuals flooding the palace, yet he had learned that Baekhyun and Taeyeon had given him something that even his own parents couldn’t give him. The last thing he thought he’d ever receive.

Love.

The prince leans his head back against the rough bark of the tree, ignoring the minor tugs at his pale strands from the coarse texture behind him. Eyes closed, he breathes in deeply, smelling the dew lingering in the air, the scent of the different flowers still growing in the bushes scattered about. The light breeze stirs the leaves above in the tree, a few fluttering down to Taemin’s sides. If his home had been as peaceful as the garden they were in, he would’ve never dreamt of leaving, never once doubting the system he had been raised to abide by. Not resenting his position for rendering him to miss out on the few beauties life had to offer. Friends that changed his small world. Their warm smiles and earnest eyes encouraging him to follow them, taking their inviting hands to explore what he thought had no meaning. 

How he wished he could take those senseless thoughts back. 

A shadow casts over him and seconds later, he feels nimble fingers placing a ringed object on his head. His eyes fly open to find Taeyeon looming over him, her wavy, brown strands spilling over the front of her cream-colored dress, smiling as she retracts her fingers. He blinks, hands traveling to his hair, feeling the object with careful fingers. 

Flowers?

He looks at her, an eyebrow raised. “What is this for?”

Taeyeon giggles. “It’s a flower crown, duh! C’mon Taemin, surely you know what a flower crown is.” 

The young prince blinks, thinking. Of course he knew what one was, but why would Taeyeon have felt the need to put one on him? She normally hadn’t done so in the past, seeing as he expressed a genuine distaste for having anything from nature near him. Hence, she only made them for Baekhyun and occasionally for herself. But this was so unexpected that he hadn’t really thought of taking it off, so he left it there. 

Baekhyun pokes his head over shoulder with a smile on his face, his caramel brown hair adorned with a flower crown as well, the little daisies woven intricately with the vines. He blinks at the prince.

“Black roses?” He frowns, gently shaking Taeyeon’s arm. “Yah, how come he gets to have black roses in his? I want those!”

Taeyeon rolls her eyes and brushes her hair over her shoulder, the gesture hitting Baekhyun straight in the face. 

“There weren’t that many, dummy. Besides,” she reaches over to adjust the crown on the young prince’s head, “I think it suits him. Right, Baekhyunie?” She beams over her shoulder, batting her eyelashes sweetly at him.

Baekhyun crosses his arms over his chest, muttering, but the light tint in his cheeks doesn’t go unnoticed. “S-Sure, I guess…”

Taemin reaches up and pulls the crown off his head to examine the flowers. Indeed, these roses weren’t as big as their red counterparts, but they were beautiful. Even he couldn’t dismiss their enthralling appearance. He rotated the ring slowly, entranced by the vines lacing the roses together. Something about them seemed so mesmerizing, so enticing. He didn’t know why, but he felt a pull towards these small buds. Taemin felt as if they reflected himself. An oddity in a world of richness and beauty. Not fitting it while seemingly fitting in at the same time. Unique, but very much common. 

“Do you like it, Taemin-ah?” Taeyeon asks, gently leaning down towards the still-seated prince. 

He hesitates, eyes lingering on the circular wreath before slowly nodding, placing the crown gingerly back on his head. He really isn't fond of flowers or anything else besides a real crown adorning his head, but if it made Taeyeon happy, he would leave it there. 

“I’ve never seen black roses grow here. I just didn’t think they existed.” She picks up a small, nearly wilted black rose from a bush nearest them, twirling it between her fingertips. She frowns. “It’s a shame there weren’t plenty. They’re quite beautiful.”

 Baekhyun snickers. “Probably because they knew you were coming.”

Her eyes widen, immediately whirling to hit the younger boy on his arm, to which he cries out, but his smile is still evident. She huffs, shaking her head at him. He pokes her repeatedly, his cheeky grin a telltale sign of the mischievous side that has come to play. 

“Or you probably plucked them so harshly that they wilted right on the spot, Taeyeonie~”

“Yah!! That’s it!” She drops the rose in her hand and lunges at Baekhyun, fingers barely missing his mustard-brown shirt from her grasp. The two then break into a run, Taeyeon screaming colorful insults as Baekhyun laughed heartily and continued to evade her aggressive maneuvers. Taeyeon was beautiful and pristine like a flower, yes, but she had thorns that most often appeared whenever Baekhyun tested her. Moments such as now.

At this, Taemin smiles. It’s a small one, but a smile nonetheless. A twitch of his muscles that seemed foreign to him, but he had come to enjoy the curve of his lips upwards, the lightness of his heart that accompanies such a gesture. He couldn't explain it, but his heart seemed to swell with this joy that came from hearing the laughter of his friends, seeing their faces light and carefree as they talked and poked fun at each other. 

Could this possibly be the wholesome feeling he had yearned for so long?

He looks up to see Baekhyun in a chokehold, his arms desperately flailing to escape Taeyeon’s hold on him. He cries out in defeat, eyes bulging out of his head as he continues to struggle. Taeyeon’s laughing, knowing she has the upper hand (quite literally) on him. He pleads again and she finally lets him go, the younger boy dropping to his knees, coughing, both his hands supporting his body from crashing against the grassy earth beneath him. Taemin shakes his head, still smiling. His eyes flicker to the lone black rose that Taeyeon had dropped earlier and reaches out to pick it up, eyeing the wilted petals curiously. So engrossed is he in the flower’s anatomy that he fails to pick up the padded footsteps approaching him. 

“You and your flowers…” Baekhyun grumbles, eyeing Taeyeon from the corner of his eyes as he rubs his neck, wincing.

“Man up, you big baby. I went easy on you, anyways.” Taeyeon retorts while crossing her arms over her chest, grinning triumphantly.

Taemin looks up at the two, forgetting the smile still on his face. Baekhyun blinks, rubs his eyes, and blinks again. Taemin mentally curses, letting the smile falter so his expression sets back to the solemn one it always bears. But this didn’t go unnoticed by Baekhyun.

“Taemin-ah, are you okay? You’re not sick or anything, are you?”

Taeyeon furrows her brows, peering at the prince curiously. “He doesn’t seem ill to me.” She crouches down near him and presses her hand against his cheeks and forehead, her eyes focusing. She pulls back shaking her head, looking back up at Baekhyun who stands behind her. “He’s perfectly fine, Baekhyun. What are you on about?”

“Did you not see the smile? It was clearly there, I saw it!”

Taeyeon blinks a couple times before bursting into laughter, settling back away from Taemin onto the grass. 

“Really, I did!” He tilts his head, eyes widening. “I thought I was going crazy, but I definitely saw it! I’m not lying!”

Taeyeon wipes her eyes, her laughs quieting. “Sure, Baekhyunie. Whatever you say.”

Baekhyun pouts. “So mean…I know what I saw!” He marches over to Taemin’s left and settles himself there, arms stretched out behind him as he leans back. 

The three sat in a triangle. Taemin was too busy listening to the two quarrelling that he doesn’t realize he still has the black rose in his hand. The young prince couldn’t still fathom the feeling he felt when gazing at this particular flower, but it had him thinking of what it would be like to live in a world where he could stay in a moment like this for eternity. Basked in the happiness he felt, how he was allowed to let go of the responsibilities he beared when spending time with the two people he had grown close to, would sacrifice anything for. Who, for the first time, Taemin would willingly do whatever he could to protect them from the darkness of the Royal Court. Taemin wasn’t blind, nor was he oblivious. It was obvious that his parents had wanted him to be molded the way they were, sculpted to perfection. Fit for a ruler. A true monarch.

A king.

Yet, as much as Taemin was comfortable with the idea of being king since it was his birthright, he found it more and more unsettling as he learned of the royal family’s ways with traitors and frailty, in general. Power was something of key importance, the very thing that sealed all fates and determined all deals. Neo City wouldn’t have been steered in the direction it was heading if it weren’t for the monarchy. 

Rumors of strengthening and patrolling the sectors had flown across the throne room in recent meetings. Taemin was bored to death of this notion, wishing nothing more than to return to his chambers and be with his own thoughts. The talk amongst the Royal Court officials never amused him, nor did he take any further interest. However, if he wanted to be a rightful king, his father insisted he stay, his mother agreeing alongside him. New laws were amongst the various topics of discussion in the throne-room chatter, and Taemin sat slightly straighter upon hearing this. He didn’t know much of the details, but he knew for a fact it would definitely impact all the citizens of Neo City. Laws that could potentially wipe out the lowest of the sectors in place, as well as those who dared to seek love and let that get in the way of serving the King and Queen.

Taemin immediately thought of Baekhyun and Taeyeon.

Since then, he had been swept in this constant turmoil, one that consumed his thoughts all day and all night. It wouldn’t be right to tell the two, for he could be putting them in danger even before everything was said and done. Not to mention that the guards and staff parade around him like a hawk, monitoring his moves at all times. The young prince, though having everything he wanted, was trapped in this little world concocted by his parents’ selfish desires to rid the world of those that they deemed unfit to live. That left a sickening feeling in Taemin’s stomach. 

“Taemin?”

He blinks, his eyes refocusing to see the two staring intently at him. 

“Sorry, I guess I…spaced out.”

Baekhyun tilts his head. “You’ve been doing that a lot more lately. Is anything on your mind?”

Taeyeon watches the two with gentle eyes, fingers aimlessly playing with whatever was left of Baekhyun’s flower crown that had been knocked off his perfectly coiffed hair when the two tussled. 

Taemin sighs, but shakes his head. He couldn’t tell them, he knew he couldn’t. He shouldn’t… 

But why did his heart hurt?

“Is it your parents? Are they planning to do something else again?”

Taeyeon casts a nervous glance to him. “Yah, you can’t mention that so carelessly, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun ignores her warning, his hazel eyes growing hard when looking at Taemin. Taemin doesn’t waver at his gaze, instead heaving out another sigh, twirling the rose absentmindedly.

“Have you…ever thought of running away?” The prince’s voice comes out barely in a whisper.

Baekyun’s eyes widen, just slightly, while Taeyeon purses her lips as her fingers stop what they were doing. 

“What do you mean?” Baekhyun furrows his brows, trying to understand the younger boy. “As in, running away from the palace?”

Taemin shakes his head. “I mean to run away from everything here. To go past the palace, this city, and see what lies way beyond. Out where you can just be—”

“Free?” Taeyeon pipes up. 

Taemin blinks, peering at her. He nods, slowly.

Baekhyun ponders on this for a bit. “Sure, I’ve thought of it several times, but why?”

Taemin turns to him. “Why what?”

“I mean,” Baekhyun leans forward and rests his face between his hands. “Why would you want to run away?”

The young prince opens his mouth, but no words come out. He really didn’t know what to say, but his heart had told him, convinced him, that there was more to this city than the wealth and power it beheld. Unsettling as it may be, the prince felt compelled to think that his calling was elsewhere. What if he were to leave everything behind and start anew? Could he possibly achieve that? These thoughts blurred the fine distinction between what his parents wanted for him and what he craved for himself. 

“I don’t know. I’m unsure of this feeling myself.”

Baekhyun scoffs, punching the prince. “You never know your feelings, Taemin. Heck, you were so brooding and mean when we first met!”

Taemin glares at him, to which the young lord grins in response. 

Taeyeon giggles off to the side. “He’s right, Taemin-ah. But now look at you! You’re not so mean and tough as we thought you were.”

Baekhyun smirks, “He can even smile! I almost died from shock when I saw it the first time. And when he laughed, ha!” He sweeps back his hair from his forehead, grinning madly at the fond memory. Taeyeon shares a similar sentiment as well.

Taemin thinks back to those moments, moments where he felt at peace with himself. And each memory he was able to recall, he found that the same two people were in them. Baekhyun and Taeyeon. Without them, he would’ve never thought such a side of him could exist. This feeling—though foreign to him at first—he had come to embrace. Welcoming it to push past the dark filters veiling his heart and mind from accepting any form of kindness. 

He smiles again, this time not caring if the two had seen it. With them, he just didn’t seem to care. The young prince was able to let go, and he never felt so alive. Not when he was at the palace, that was certain.

“Can we really be happy forever?”

The question leaves his lips before he had time to think of it. It leaves the two speechless for a moment before Taeyeon reaches out and places a hand on Taemin’s arm. His eyes linger to where her fingers make contact with his silky, maroon-clothed arm, looking up briefly to meet her soft gaze and warm smile. 

“Of course we can, silly. What’s the point of living if you’re not happy?”

He lets this sink in. Could he truly believe it? 

Baekhyun grins again, throwing his arm around the prince’s shoulders. Taemin flinches but makes no movement to shove him away. 

“You bet! Just you wait, Taemin! When we grow up, we’ll be able to live our lives the way we want to without anyone telling us what to do. You’ll see!”

Taemin’s eyes widen slightly, in hope. “Really?”

Baekhyun nods earnestly before lifting a finger at him. “So no running away. How can we be happy if we run away and leave each other?”

Taeyeon laughs from the side. “I can’t believe the amount of times I’ve agreed with this idiot today, but he’s right, Taemin. We’re here for you, now and forever. We’re friends, aren’t we?”

Taemin’s heart beats wildly in his chest. Hope floods his senses, the emotion filling in the crevices of uncertainty plaguing his thoughts. The young prince chooses to believe their words. He knew that their optimism contrasted heavily with his pessimistic ideals, but just this once, he will choose to push that aside and embrace this novel idea. 

“Yah, who are you calling an idiot? Come here!” 

Baekhyun reaches out and yanks Taeyeon towards him, pulling Taemin with him as the three topple over each other, the latter boy’s black-rosed flower crown now long forgotten. Taeyeon and Baekhyun burst into laughter as their arms envelope one another, Taemin in the center of this odd exchange. 

“To friends!” Baekhyun exclaims.

“To being happy!” Taeyeon cheers alongside him. 

Taemin couldn’t help but laugh as well, joining his two friends in their embrace, his arms coming to pull them all closer. 

“To love,” the prince whispers.

This was a silent promise that was secured in that fateful moment. No matter the circumstance, they would always come back to one another. Find happiness amongst the three of them, express the love that the young prince had otherwise never received. They each envisioned a world where they could all live in harmony. A world where the status of a person didn't matter to them. Where they could love freely and be as they were. A place where power wasn’t what mattered most, rather the memories cherished between others holding value instead. Where a person’s happiness is what guides them, serving as their beacon for moments which are unsettling. Solid truth in a kingdom of warped lies. 

Occupied as they were, the three wouldn’t have noticed that the black roses on the prince’s crown that lay next to their huddled bodies had begun to wilt, the petals shriveling and losing all its beauty in a matter of seconds. 

As if it were a foreboding omen, Prince Lee Taemin could never have predicted coming to learn of the toxic fate that would befall him and his friends. Unbeknownst of the growing rebellion against the monarch, the regulations to control Neo City. A dark, twisted reality soon gripping the ropes of his soul with its sickening, poisonous venom. Filling him slowly until the light was no more, and all that was left is shrouded in complete darkness.

A life—similar to the rose—devoid of the only thing the prince had ever wanted.

Prologue | Chapter 01 |     

[jaeminscoffee]

NCT prompt list 🍒

Send in a number and a member,

Also specify the genre.

What i write - Fluff, Angst, Crack, Smut [with an open ending]

What i don’t write - Abuse, Pleasure in pain unless that’s a kink, we’re all hoes, face it.

Whom i write for- NCT, all 21 members, if this prompt succeeds, i might start writing for other groups too :D

All dialogues can be applied to any genre that you request!

Numbers can repeat, it doesn’t matter :)

While requesting for smut, please make sure to specify what type of smut you want it to be, if there’s any kink that needs to be involved and if you have a plot in mind to go with the smut, don’t hesitate to send that in either!

Here are the prompts!

1. “Get some sleep, we can talk about it tomorrow.”

2. “Oh i’m so going to get you back”

3.” Jesus can you quit it?”

4.”I kind of, sort of, maybe feel like i might ___”

5.”Wait is that my ___?”

6.”Want to go get some fries?”

7. “___ has accepted your follow request!”

8. “Can you shut the fuck up, it’s 3 am”

9. “Should i be concerned?

10.”Does it ever stop hurting?”

11.” Hey, it’s rude to laugh at someone!”

12.” I will fist fight you if i have to”

13.” I will...uh make sure to enjoy the meal..? it looks um..appetizing”

14.” Can you please come get me?”

15.”You don’t have to be alone, you never were.”

16.”Of all places, you chose chuck-e-cheese to confess?”

17.”Crying doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human”

18.”Isn’t this, like illegal?” “Probably, who cares?”

19.”And you’re running away..once again”

20.” Friends is so far off from what you really are to me, Y/n”

21.”Criticism doesn’t always equal to jealousy, babe”

22.”Maybe it’s just a hug that i need right now”

23.”You might be cute, i’m cuter”

24.”Shit mom’s calling”

25.”Bro your dragon looks dope” “that’s my cat”

26.”You think i’m dumb enough to fall for the same move twice?”

27.” They can’t do anything to me. I have nothing left”

28.”Wanna cuddle? like, platonically. Hands down, no funny business”

29.”Just stop”

30.”That’s not the nicest thing to say to the guy who basically just saved your life”

31.”and so like that..-did you just steal candy from a child??”

32.”I almost died the last time.” “But you’re alive now come on”

33.”Alright first my hoodie, then my sweats, take my boxer next”

34.”How long have you been standing there for??”

35.”Don’t bother loving me until you love yourself”

36.”let’s just try getting along for once alright?”

37.”Kissing burns around 6.4 calories per minute, wanna try it out?” “did you just call me fat”

38.”OH MY GOD COCKROAC-” “That’s your hair dumbass”

39.”So do i wash the vegetables with washing detergent or plain water?”

40.”Urgh i feel ugly” “bitch what”

41.”I love you” “Did my mom pay you to say that”

42.”Hey Hey! watch where your legs are”

43.”I believe in you.”

44.”I can’t believe i just agreed on wearing your clothes”

45.”Never ever, think that i’ll leave you”

46.”You fought with them even after i warned you not to. What do you have to say for yourself?” “Oops?”

47.”Just stay like this a little longer”

48.”I wasn’t the bad guy the entire time. You framed me to calm yourself down and i don’t blame you”

49.”Hey! just cause i love you doesn’t give you the rights to steal my food!”

50.” The amount of love and adoration i have for you is terrifying and i’m now concerned”

51.”How in tartarus did you pass your driving test.”

52.”Cuddles?” “Cuddles.”

53. “It’s fine, it really is” “It isn’t”

54.”Stop being so nice all the time, it won’t make people love you more”

55.”Oh dude he/she’s flirting”

56.”I hate you.” “I hate me too”

57.”Maybe if you’d let me, i could be your safe space in this harsh world”

58.”Do you trust me?”

59.”I will deny you death until you beg me for it”

60. “Don’t ever try to get inside my head. It’s too dark for you”

61.”I wasn’t always the one being hunted, I used to be a hunter”

62.”I’m trying, all the time trust me. But it’s just too hard.”

63.”Are you flirting or starting a fight?”

64.”I wish i’d never met you.”

65.”Don’t scream. Don’t move.”

66.”you’re the closest thing i have to a girl/boy as a friend so”

67.”I don’t have a choice - I never had.”

68.”You drive me crazy.”

69.”Stop resisting babe, you asked for it.”

70.”Count, bitch”

71.”You gotta work for it babe”

72.”And you say you deserve a reward huh?”

73.”So that’s why”

74.”Keep moving princess”

75.”We aren’t done until i say so.”

76.”Do you have a valid reason for doing so?”

77.”Are you insane??” “That’s my middle name baby”

78.”Is this really what you want”

79.”You know the drill princess, one word, and i’ll stop.”

80.”You are such a fucking brat..”

81.”I see..But does he make you feel as good as i can?”

82.”That is, by far, the cutest shit i’ve seen my entire life”

83.”Try to stay quiet, understand?”

84.”Behave”

85.”What did you just say?”

86.”Oh darling, you are so in trouble.”

87. “Don’t leave any marks.”

88.”Tell me what you want.”

89.”I want you. Right here. Right now.”

90.”Get on your knees. Now”

91.”I don’t like repeating myself, baby.”

92.”Do i make you nervous?”

93.”Don’t make me take you home and punish you”

94.”This isn’t just a one night stand, You aren’t meant for a one night stand. You know that, right?”

95.”You’re so fucking addicting.”

96.”Don’t test my patience, princess.”

97.”Tsk, sensitive. Pathetic.”

98.”You make me feel things by doing the bare minimum and i’ll show you that.”

99.”This is what you wanted all the time, isn’t it?”

100.”I bet you think you’re real cute letting them put their hands all over you. We’ll see how cute you look later when i get you home.”

More to be added soon! ♡

[keytomythoughts]

Eleutheromania | Chapter 02

Chapter Index

╭⋟────────────────────────╮

Neo City isn’t a city like many others. It’s alive, bustling, and thriving in aspects even far beyond the norm. Equipped with advancements that power high-speed facilities and holographic checkpoints that regulate who comes and goes. Towers upon skyscrapers littered the city, the highways and streets illuminated by various color schemes to attract any bystander. The city’s maroon emblem hangs high in all areas, the symbol of the royal family—a circle encasing four parallel lines nearly intersecting in the middle with four layered triangles embedded at its spherical sides, dark arrows within each of the center triangles—interwoven in nearly everything Neo City has to offer. All parts of the city are bathed with the stench of luxury, wealth dripping from the richest of communities to the busiest of suburbs. It’s no wonder why the citizens take such pride and glory in calling this their home. 

The city is broken up into multiple sectors, each encompassing individuals of a different social status. At birth, everyone has a symbol etched into their right wrist. When accessing certain points of the city, this tattoo-like print enables the system to identify the person, similar to the scanning of a barcode. Four symbols are predominant in this society, controlling every aspect of our lives.

The Diamond. Taking on its shiny jewel form, this symbol is only attained by those of royal blood. Those possessing this symbol have access to nearly everything Neo City has to offer, seeing as they rule this city as they please anyway. The sector is only limited to the perimeter around the Capitol, the residing place of the King and Queen, as well as their only son, Prince Lee Taemin. While their borders are heavily guarded, it isn’t uncommon for government officials to be seen going in and out of the kingdom. The walls obscure most of the contents within that’s hidden from public viewing. Ever since the establishment of Neo City, the Sabres have been guarding that perimeter at all times, taking their job very seriously. The monarch’s personal elite force of police, one could say. They soon became an even stronger force throughout the city, with troops patrolling sectors at their own leisure by the full authority and command of the royal family. 

The Rose. Second to the Diamond, this symbol is appointed to individuals who serve in the government and any of its supporting agencies. Even the children of these government officials retain that symbol that’s passed on from their parents. Sectored in the heart of this city is the military site where thousands upon thousands of soldiers stayed to serve. As such, the entrance to the compound has guards stationed there, letting only those who had to be there in and out. Meaning, civilians that had no business there would be sent away. Their sector is in close proximity to the Capitol, but the Sabres have been stationed at the border as in means of protecting the royalty. They also hold the most power—after the monarch, of course. Their involvement in the military is also through the permission granted by the King and Queen. When broadcasting media, they carefully filter what they need to while selectively choosing what to display, letting the words displayed on their screens trickle through every sector. This was by far one of their more important duties, one that they can be severely reprimanded for if not executed properly.

The Star. This symbol is mostly found in the sector neighboring the Rose where individuals who worked white-collar jobs lived. Doctors, lawyers, engineers, you name it. Here started the “ordinary” of Neo City. No royal blood, no connections to the military, no direct involvement with governmental affairs. These were your average, down-to-earth individuals who worked hard to make a living for themselves and others. This sector, along with the Cross sector, has a higher, denser population than those above them. Young men from this area were also forced to serve when called for post their mandatory drafting. No exceptions to this rule were made. 

The Cross. These individuals worked primarily blue-collar jobs, making end’s meet. This sector outlied the other three, the distance between them and the Capitol largely vast. Unfortunately, despite the massive technological advancements and wealth present in this city, this sector experienced high crime rates as well as those living in the slums. The Capitol's very own “dumping zone”. However, in the past, rebellion groups have risen from this sector the most, some individuals trickling in from the Star sector as well. Hence, the checkpoints from here to the Capitol were heavily guarded, heavily restricted, and heavily facilitated. Similar to its neighboring sector, the men here had to serve. The same sector Lucas and I are from, the system forcefully splitting us apart because of its unjust setup. It isn’t just us, though. The royals exploit the labor from this area the most, using them in whatever way possible. “Expendables'', as they would like to call us.

Connecting all the sectors together is a train line that runs from any of the checkpoints in the city. The Neo Express, a sleek, high-speed train bathed in a warm, burgundy tint that appeared to be a crimson streak when it sped across the railway. While surrounded with this profound glory instituted by the monarch who had it built years ago, it’s not able to be accessed by every single person. The symbols come heavily into play here, the holographic checkpoints having built-in chips that scan the wrist to confirm a person’s identity as well as their demographics. All their records were visible to the Sabres, ultimately providing no privacy to the lower sectors. They determine eligibility of boarding the train with the intensity of their marking. If the color is brighter in complexion, they’re allowed to access this mode of transportation. When pulling up their records, the color matches with their way of life. If, say, a person had been caught by the Sabres for stealing, their symbol would slightly lose its luster. As the number of their crimes increase, whether they be minor or major, the symbol grows darker and darker until there’s a point where the shade permanently stays black. Once that occurs, it’s almost impossible to reverse that. Retaining the lightest shade is also very rare, especially when living in the two lowest sectors that are given the least amount of freedom and highest number of restrictions. 

To distinguish royalty, their symbol’s color glows with bright, radiant gold. This is reserved only for them. There has never been an instance where a person harboring a low-status symbol also had a golden tint to their marking. It just never happened.

Though miniscule, these symbols determine everything. Our way of life, our lineage, and our future. 

Because of this, the price of such living is a very expensive one. One that costs the livelihood of many.

Years before my parents passed, a new law had been issued. This very law is the reason Lucas got drafted much too early for his, or my, liking. 

It has two parts.

At the age of twenty, it was required that all men would be registered in public records for drafting, but those only from the Star and Cross sectors. Their active duty life starts from the moment they are drafted up to ten years. Whether they are picked when they’re twenty-one or twenty-nine, they must serve. For Lucas, it seemed that he got the short end of the stick. Considering he has a cross imprint on his wrist, I’m not surprised. From the time they’re picked, they must serve ten years following that, no matter what. After, they no longer have to serve in the military regiment as active-duty soldiers. Some may be released early, but those cases rarely occur, if they do at all still. Naturally, there are exceptions to this rule, the obvious one being those who are mentally sick and incapable of serving. This branches out to government officials and their children. Royal blood and those of the monarchy in any relation are also exempted from this duty. Those in the Diamond and Rose sectors aren’t obliged to serve unless they voluntarily agree to do so. 

This part of the law didn’t seem so bad, seeing as how some people performed military service at their own leisure anyways. Yet, there was massive upheaval from those in the lower sectors, which is understandable. It was the second part that really changed everything.

Once they have submitted their forms, they’re not allowed to keep any other relationships outside of familial ones. Even then, cross-checks are made to ensure no soldier or future soldier is caught with a partner or potential partner. No dating, no marriages.

And especially, no children.

This, of course, didn’t settle nicely with the people, seeing as it was unfair of them to be forced to complete military work at random and not keep intimate relations with those they love. The King and Queen of Neo City didn’t stand by their protests, so they came up with consequences that would be highly enforced if the laws weren’t obeyed.

If they didn’t serve when called for, the penalty was ten years incarceration.

If they were found to have relations during their active duty status, it would mean death for both the man and the significant other. However, if the two did have a child, or children, the penalty would not be carried out to them. Instead, the officials take in the child and relocate them to an orphanage, not knowing why they were taken in the first place. To be reminded of the punishment for failing to abide by the rules set in place.

I should know, considering my parents were killed by the very same system that also spared my life. I was only four at that time, but I can still smell the coppery scent of their blood splattered against the tiled floor. Even when I wasn’t supposed to have remembered any of it. The rough hands that grabbed me and ushered me along to a new place I would have to call “home”. 

That very same orphanage where I met Lucas.

                                                             ***

Lucas and I were inseparable at the time. Wherever he went, so did I. Even with our one year age difference, he never made me feel inferior, nor did he exert any superiority. We were understanding of one another and grew really close over time. As we got older, our feelings developed for each other as well. The late-night adventures of stealing food from the pantry became sneaking out to watch a movie or two. The silly sleepovers we had in our rooms from time to time turned into sharing our personal space for nights upon nights. Laying down and talking about our past under the stars blossomed into cuddle sessions that lasted till the morning. The secrets we whispered to each other became shoulders to lean and cry on when we were at our worst. Hand holding became fingers intertwining. Affectionate pecks on the cheek evolved into passionate kisses on the lips. 

And finally, when I turned eighteen, he asked me out. The entire experience was wonderful, nothing short of perfect. And a year later, we bought an apartment that overlooked the entire city and lived there together, sunset-watching soon becoming our favorite pastime.  

The very year Lucas signed up for one of the biggest tasks of his life. And one where I, too, would have to pay the cost.

The only reason Lucas hadn’t been punished for having me as his girlfriend when he served was due to the orphanage submitting our records as those having a familial relation. Considering my unfortunate background, they let it pass. I honestly consider it mercy.

I remember the moment he got the letter. The weather was freezing cold out, so instead of going out for hot cocoa, we decided to stay home. There we were, sitting on the couch, my body enveloped by Lucas’ built frame as we watched our favorite movie. I remember him frequently pulling me closer to him, his hand not leaving mine for the entire three hours. And that he was strangely quiet. The Lucas I know is never quiet, but that day, he didn’t utter a single word as we watched in silence. That’s when I knew something was up, but I didn’t feel right asking him. When the credits rolled, that’s when he pulled out the letter from beside him, the emblem of Neo City’s military regiment stamped right onto the parchment. 

My instinct was correct.

I recall picking up the paper with shaky fingers, hoping, praying, it was just a figment of my imagination. That this wasn’t real. That Lucas would continue to stay with me until death does us part. 

I guess fate hadn’t had that planned for us. 

I remember how much I cried that day. And the next. And the days after until he had to leave. Lucas tried whatever he could to console me, but when I looked into his eyes, I felt that his sadness was the same as mine, if not more. I knew he didn’t want this any more than I did, yet we were helpless in the situation. He had to leave, and I couldn’t do anything to stop that from happening. 

The night before he was scheduled to depart in the morning was the first time we made love. Our slow, soft kisses escalated into a fiery competition that carried on far into the night. There was pleasure, there was pain. A battle of dominance, the desperation to fill the need our bodies felt. The hunger buried within our eyes, and our passion to see it through. To leave the love marks on each other’s skin as a result of us indulging in one another. Satisfying our burning desires before we would have no choice but to leave them unsatisfied. To be one, when I knew we would soon part.  

And even though I watched him board the Neo Express, I knew that a part of him was always with me. 

Since he left, I’ve always felt the longing, but I knew that waiting for him to come home was the only thing I could do. Visiting the training regiment wasn’t allowed, if that were not enough to draw suspicion for a woman to visit the male’s training facility. Despite the harsh rules that didn’t allow for the soldiers to keep contact outside of their regiment, Lucas always found some sort of way–and time–to contact me. Whether it be a few minutes of us texting one another or a brief video call, he always put in the effort. There would be times where I wouldn’t get anything, and my mind would be sent in a blaze of worry, praying he wasn’t in any danger. But then when I get a picture of him with his radiant smile and vibrant eyes, my fears cripple away, and the longing returns. 

Even before leaving, I had once suggested that it would be better, and easier, if we were to end our relationship. Those words hadn’t completely left my mouth before Lucas grabbed my hands in his tightly, his eyes widening at the notion I suggested. My heart hadn’t completely meant it, but if it meant that Lucas would be alright, I would take that chance over anything. Even if it meant leaving the man I love.

Despite my intentions being in the right place, Lucas instantly refused. The way he looked into my eyes, the soft and pleading gaze of his, told me all that I needed to know. All that I needed to hear. I remember him closing the gap between us in a warm, loving embrace that conveyed more than mere words ever could. The way his slender fingers combed through my hair, my eyes tearing up at the same time. His other arm pulled tight against my frame, my fingers urgently holding onto his shirt in a meager attempt to just have him close. My body against his, fitting together like a puzzle piece. Complete, whole. Knowing that right then, this man would never leave me, nor could I ever bear to leave him. Even without him saying anything, I knew what his touch meant, what his eyes held. The silent promise that no matter what life threw at him, he vowed to do whatever it took to make sure we never part. To love and take care of each other, just as we always had. And always will. 

And I believed him. With all my heart, I truly did. So when I lifted my head upwards to face him, I smiled. The tears continued to streak down my face, but my smile remained. He offered a similar expression, his thumb carefully wiping the residue of my pain and sadness away from my face. His touch, always so warm and gentle. It lured me into thinking that with him, anything was possible. That we would get through this, no matter the pain, no matter the circumstance. We would overcome it all. Just so that we can continue to watch the beautiful sunsets together while locked in each other’s embrace. 

I remember that kiss in particular. It wasn’t one of lust, nor was it fiery. Rather, it was delicate, soft. The way our lips molded against each other in a fit of passion and longing to replicate the feelings wrenched in our hearts. To portray the sadness we felt, but the love we always held for each other. Desperation and desire, the two mixed in the haze of securing a moment fleeting from our grasp. And when we parted, that despair no longer filled the air around us, nor our hearts with the foreboding treachery that lay ahead. Instead, our desire of holding each other close was etched into our beings. Both physically and emotionally. We wouldn’t let each other go. We wouldn’t. 

That was assured.

Chapter 01 | Chapter 02 | Chapter 03 | 

[keytomythoughts]

Eleutheromania | Chapter 04

Chapter Index

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“Coming!” 

I rush down the stairs to stop the knocking that has been sounding at my door for the past few minutes. Of course when I decide to take a shower, of all times. Tossing the towel on a nearby chair, I hurriedly make my way towards the door and quickly turn the knob.

“Kun!” I beam at the older male who stands in my doorway, embracing him in a rushed, tight hug. His free hand holds a bag of takeout food while the other pats my back before I move away. He simply shakes his head but returns the smile. 

“You act as if I haven’t come to visit in ages, Jaeun.” He hands me the bag. “Hope you haven’t eaten already.”

I shake my head as I take the bag from him, peering down to see its contents. I gasp, looking back up at him in surprise. Boxes of sushi, my favorite. “You didn’t have to!”

He shrugs, his hand going to rub against his dirty blonde hair sheepishly. “It’s the least I can do.”

Before I can move aside and let Kun in, a familiar citrus-colored head catches my attention, his figure looming behind Kun.

“Yangyang? Is that you?”

The boy perks and immediately pushes past Kun, nearly tripping him in the process. I can see the twinkling of his hazel orbs even in this poorly lit hallway. “Jaeun!!” 

I barely have enough time to position myself correctly before Yangyang sends himself hurdling at me, his arms wrapping themselves tightly around my frame that I nearly drop the bag. Though five years younger than me, I’ve grown to be quite fond of the male. He has visited with Kun ever since Lucas left for the army. His energy and cheery nature is enough to always pull me out of my despair, especially on days where the loneliness is just too much for me to bear. Kind of like the younger brother I never had, not really appreciating his presence until I truly realize how fortunate I am to have him. Trust me when I say that both his presence and absence are very apparent.    

I stumble back a few steps as I try to pry the teen off me, but his grip is far too strong. Kun takes this chance to walk in and close the door behind him, taking the bag from my nimble fingers and setting it down on the kitchen table. 

Kun has been trusting friends with Lucas for as long as I can remember. Though I never got to meet him until recently, Lucas would always tell me stories about how they were so close that they were practically brothers. Kun’s older than Lucas, about a three-year gap between the two males. Despite Kun being a part of the Rose class (and his age), he never treated Lucas any differently, even going as far as looking out for him and taking care of me per his request. Kun’s father is a government official and is assigned to watch over the sectors and certain checkpoints around the city. It’s no surprise that Kun’s knowledgeable about all the areas in Neo City that may not be even located on the map. Blind spots that even the sharpest of individuals can't make out just from observing a spatial view of the city.

“I honestly can’t wrap my head around the fact that you're going to be drafted next year,” Kun states dryly as he pries off Yangyang from me, my lungs slowly filling with air once again. 

Man, does he hug tight.

“I’ve got a full year,” Yangyang retorts. “I’m not wasting any of it, even if I’m from the Star sector.”

I clap my hands together to draw their attention towards me. “Well in any case, I’m glad you two stopped by. Plus,” I motion towards the bag on the table, “I can’t eat that all by myself, seeing you both came all this way.”

Yangyang pouts, crossing his arms over his chest. “We would’ve come sooner, but Kun insisted—ow!” 

I watch as Yangyang grabs the back of his head shortly after Kun has punched it. “You’re acting as if you can come and go here as you please.” 

Yangyang continues to glare at the older male, muttering under his breath. I let out a short laugh, the chemistry of the duo never ceasing to amaze me. 

It’s true, they do come visit frequently, but the visits have been cut short because of things Kun’s father has to manage, and it would be weird for his son to be off somewhere else when he should be helping out his father. Yangyang was too busy living his best life, trying to complete things on his so-called bucket list before he gets drafted. Always trying something new, Yangyang is a boy full of spirit and life. If only he had been born into a higher class, he could keep on living as he was. Just a teen living life to the fullest, not having to worry about the impending doom of having that all stripped away.

“In any case,” I shuffle away from the two boys and start setting out the food and plates accordingly, “thank you both. It honestly means a lot to me.”

Kun offers a smile, his ears slowly turning a soft pink from the gratitude he had just received. “Lucas is very persistent, so how could I refuse?”

Yangyang nods earnestly. “It’s fun spending time with you! Beats having to spend time with an old grandpa—”

Kun clears his throat rather loudly as his eyes narrow at the teen. Yangyang gulps and immediately scurries away, seeking refuge behind me. He grabs my arm protectively. Shaking my head, I pat his hand and call the two over to eat.

“So,” Yangyang starts with the sushi rolls stuffed in his mouth, “Lucas has been gone for how long?”

I sigh. “About four years now..”

Yangyang’s eyes nearly pop out of his head. “Holy shit, that long already?” 

I nod slowly. “He has been contacting me less too,” I aimlessly stab at my sushi roll with a single wooden chopstick, eyes not really focusing on anything, really. “I’m worried.”

Sensing my sudden change in mood, Kun clears his throat. “I’m sure he’s okay. The longer you’re in the military, the harder your tasks become over time. He even became a lieutenant relatively early, so I guess it’s expected.”

Since Kun’s father works in the government, they directly oversee the military. Naturally, Kun would know what was going on within the regiments. Any change in recruiting methods, issues within the ranks or rookies, everything. He has been always up to date on their routines. However, whatever he does know should never be conveyed to anyone outside of his sector. Yet, he’s taking a big risk by telling me as soon as he can, knowing full well of the consequences if he were caught. If it weren’t for Kun, I wouldn’t even have known that little detail of Lucas’ quick ascension through the ranks. Or anything else, for that matter. 

Yangyang suddenly groans, aggressively slamming his chopsticks down on the table. 

I raise my eyebrow at him in confusion. I look over to Kun, but he shrugs his shoulders.

“Yangyang,” I gently pat the teen’s arm, “what’s wrong?”

His huffs in annoyance. “I don’t get it. I’m young, handsome, and talented. How come I’m still single??” He throws his hands up in slight frustration.

I chuckle. “Maybe you just haven’t found the right one yet. Just be patient.”

He drops his head on the table, mumbling. “Easy for you to say..”

I simply laugh at his deflated state. If I could, I would give Yangyang the world. I’ve never seen someone as vibrant and enthusiastic as him in a while. This stupid system is only limiting his chances of ever doing the things he wants to in life. That mark on his wrist governing his life by making its own decisions. Soon, he won’t even be able to find someone and settle down, maybe potentially wanting to tie a knot with. If only that law was never enacted to begin with, Yangyang wouldn’t have to be in a frenzy to explore all of Neo City, and Lucas and I would be together for as long as time was with us.

I can hear Kun muttering something about irresponsible youth, but I can still see his small smile evident. It must hurt Kun the most, seeing that even though he’s not suffering from the cruel system in place, he can’t prevent the pain and suffering from those affected by this unjust ruling established by the monarch. I can see that he wants to fight, to change the system, but what could he do? We’re all essentially stuck, not knowing which direction to pull or be pulled towards. Simply swaying in this middle ground of uncertainty.

We continue to eat, and as I’m about to stand up to put the plate away, a sudden wave of nausea washes over me, my steps faltering and my vision blurring. The plate immediately drops from my hand and the crash sounds muffled in my ears. I can barely make out what’s in front of me, the waves intensifying as the seconds prolong to minutes. Then comes the churning in my stomach, the feeling that it was physically going through a wringer repeatedly. Confused on what pain to tend to first, I place my hands over my torso, stumbling even further back. Before I can collide with whatever is around me, I feel someone’s hands clutching at my sides, supporting me as the pain continues to drag out for what seems like a millennia. My eyes blink in a desperate attempt to make out my surroundings, but the only thing I can see is Yangyang’s bright, orange-colored hair, the other objects around me still distorting. Which means that Kun is holding me up, seeing as I currently can’t do much on my own. He guides me to the couch and carefully sets me down, as well as himself. I grab my stomach and groan, the nausea still very present and very sickening. 

The other side of the couch dips down, and I feel cool fingers slipping a glass into my hands, making sure my fingers curl around the circular structure as securely as possible.

I barely make out the voice, but I know it’s directed to me. Those hands then gently angle the class upwards and to my lips, the cool liquid sliding down my throat. The glass is then removed, and I lean back into the plush pillows behind me. Slowly, ever so slowly, my senses start to regain themselves. My vision’s slightly foggy, but it isn’t as bad as compared to what it was before. The murmuring becomes distinct, clear voices, signaling the return of my hearing as well. Yet, the wrenching of my stomach continues at a throbbing pace, the intensity varying. I focus on my breathing, inhaling and exhaling through mental coaxing. Eventually, the throbbing dulls down to distant numbness.

“Are you okay?” Kun asks, his tone laced with concern. I feel a slight pressure on my left arm, and my eyes connect it to Yangyang whose hazel orbs have been dilated with fear.

“Y-Yeah, I think…” I drift off, my eyes squeezing shut and opening again, blinking rapidly until my vision is more clear. 

“What happened?” Yangyang asks, inching closer to me.

I sigh, rubbing my temples. “I’m not sure. One minute I was completely fine and then all of a sudden I felt like I was going to vomit. My stomach was killing me, too.”

Kun’s brows furrow in consideration of the details I’ve mentioned. “Have you ever experienced this before?”

Come to think of it, I haven’t. This was the first. In terms of sheer pain, this was definitely the worst, but when I think about it, I have been feeling sick, especially after waking up. 

  I shake my head. “If anything, I’ve experienced morning sickness recently, but nothing this bad.”

Yangyang leaves to fill himself a glass of water before coming back to sit on the couch, this time next to Kun. He takes a couple of sips before the dark blonde male looks to me, a finger on his chin.

“Jaeun, could you be pregnant?”

Simultaneously, my eyes enlarge and Yangyang chokes on his water. Kun immediately starts hitting his back. Eventually, Yangyang’s fit of coughs diminishes and is able to breathe again, the color coming back to his face. 

“Jaeun?? Pregnant??” His chest heaves up and down. Whether it be from shock or excitement, I’m not sure. His large eyes convey one message, yet his goofy grin contradicts that.

“I mean,” I scratch the back of my neck, feeling the heat rising to my cheeks, “I haven’t really considered it, but…could that explain why?”

Kun crosses his arms over his chest, still slightly perplexed. “It could be. That seems like the most possible explanation as of right now.”

Yangyang downs the glass before setting it aside. “Wait, so, you think you’re actually pregnant? But you and Lucas never—”

He cuts off when I immediately look away from the two, but I can still feel their burning, lingering gaze. The blush on my cheeks grows and creeps to my ears.

Yangyang gasps. “Oh my god, you guys did!”  

Kun clears his throat, running a hand through his thick, caramel-like hair. He sighs. “Yeah, that would make sense then.”

“Still,” I play with the edge of my–or rather Lucas’–hoodie, “if that were true, then—”

“Lucas is the baby daddy, holy shit!” Yangyang exclaims, jumping up from the couch, visibly annoying Kun. “And Jaeun’s the baby momma!”

Kun grabs his arms to steady the tipsy teen, absent the alcohol. “Would you quit it already?”

Yangyang shakes his head, grinning his Cheshire-cat smile. He grabs Kun’s shoulders and starts shaking him violently. “They’re gonna have a babyy!!”

Seeing Kun evidently struggling because of the hyper teen is enough to send anyone in mild hysteria. I giggle. With his ecstatic behavior being the better, and somewhat chaotic, characteristic of his personality, it’s hard to believe that the following year he would have to be drafted, and maybe even selected from the pool. Then what would be left of the giddy male? I honestly can’t see it, I can’t.

Kun continues to slap Yangyang until he eventually calms down. The smile is still plastered on his face, his hazel orbs beaming. 

Shaking his head, Kun sighs. Can’t imagine how exhausting it is for him to handle such a massive ball of energy that is of a single human being. 

“Calm down, we still have yet to confirm it, Yangyang.”

“Still!” Yangyang continues to beam with that same giddiness. “There’s gonna be a mini Lucas and Jaeun!!”

He sighs, but I can sense his happiness seeping through his composure. Typical of Kun. Someone has to keep the younger boy in check. 

“Are you going to tell him? Or should I? If it’s actually the case, I mean.” Kun looks at me quizzically. Yangyang also stops frantically moving around, awaiting my response.

I push the dark brown spools behind my shoulders, raking my fingers through the silky strands in the process. “I’ll have to, but I’ve gotta take the test first.” I sigh. “I think I’m going to have to be the one to tell him, but I appreciate it Kun. Thank you.”

I flash a small smile at the older male. 

Yangyang scuttles towards me and starts shaking my arm playfully. “You gotta text me first if it’s legit, Jaeun. You have to!” 

I turn to him, his eyes twinkling in pure delight and excitement. Like a balloon just moments away from bursting, the inside filled with sparkling confetti. I laugh and pat his head lightly. “Okay you big baby, I will.”

Kun stands as he pulls out his phone, his gaze fixated on the glowing screen emitting from the device. Whatever he was looking at seemed to be important. And when he looks up, his expression confirms my assumption.

“Jaeun, I have to get going. My father’s calling me back to visit the Star sector with him. I’m so sorry, I wish I could stay a bit longer.”

I nod in understanding. It isn’t easy being the son of a government official, especially one whose heart disagrees with their own actions.

From the corner of my eyes, I catch Yangyang flinch, just slightly. It’s a quick motion, but I notice it nonetheless. Of course he would. It’s his birthplace, his home. The fact that the government needs to make additional rounds there, most certainly bringing the Sabres along, is definitely something anyone would be worried about. Especially for Yangyang, considering his parents still live there. 

I approach Yangyang, my hand lightly patting his back out of comfort. A gesture I knew he definitely needed, seeing his muscles loosen, just a tad bit, before smiling once more. 

“Thanks for stopping by, really. Visit again soon, okay? You’re always welcome here, the both of you.” My eyes cast between the two boys, smiling.

“Of course,” he pockets his device and looks to Yangyang. “Come on, let’s go.”

He pouts. “Aww, but why do I have to go? Can’t I stay for a little longer? Please?” He grabs my arm a little tighter, making me release a short chuckle.

Kun shakes his head, “No. We’re leaving right now. Don’t argue.”

Yangyang’s shoulders slump in defeat, but his hand slips away from my arm and trudges over to where Kun stands. 

Before leaving, Yangyang turns around and waves, flashing me his infamous smile. 

“I hope it’s a girl!! Or a boy! Or bot—hey!” 

Kun yanks the back of Yangyang’s collar and drags him outside of my apartment, smiling at me once more before closing the door.

Then it’s just silence. I’m suddenly aware of the heavy, thick air surrounding me. There’s too much to do, too much to think, but such little time. 

But one thing’s for sure. 

I have to tell Lucas.

Chapter 03 | Chapter 04 | Chapter 05 |         

[keytomythoughts]

Eleutheromania | Chapter 07

Chapter Index

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Even within the military, the social class is still highly divided. The ranking officers are allowed to exert whatever power they want over their juniors, the rookies not being able to mutter a single word in response. Not even a change in facial expression. Even going as far as maintaining the same breathing level during the entire exchange. 

The imprints on people’s wrists may be voided when in the army, but there’s a whole other system that’s practiced while serving. And it’s just as brutal. 

It’s how Major Bhuwakul lived his life. Kissing up to his superiors, eventually surpassing other rookies and slowly ascending the ranks, becoming a major at twenty-three years old. Yet, the four years that have passed after his ascension has proven that the monarch doesn’t care at all what happens to the men recruited here. If anything, it’s a political scheme to slowly eliminate the low-status classes, keeping the Roses simply to leech off of when the Stars and Crosses have been eliminated completely. 

He lived a normal life, Major Bhuwakul. While he was referred to by many generals and superiors this way, he allowed a select few to know his alias, BamBam. A name he had grown up with, one he had come to embrace. He had everything: a loving family, a fantastic education, and a beautiful girlfriend whom he had treasured more than any other prized possession in his life. The one who had made him start loving him for who he was.

Unfortunately, his life as a fellow Cross sector civilian didn’t add up to much prosperity. At twenty, he was drafted, selected from the pool to serve immediately. 

His mother died shortly after his first three months of service. He couldn’t even go to visit her. Not when she had been admitted to the hospital after falling severely ill. Not when her death was announced. Not even at her own funeral.  

His father succumbed to the treacherous loop of alcohol and drugs. Landing in prison only a few months after his wife’s death for DUI, murdering a child in the process. 

His two older brothers had forgotten about the young soldier, seeing as they climbed the ranks of the society’s caste system by abandoning any connection to living in the Cross sector. Avarice clouded their judgment, blurring the distinction between satisfaction and luxury. 

His sister, his sweet little sister, had been married off to some old, rich government official. Poor girl had suffered so much being there that it wasn’t long before she collapsed and went into a coma. 

She never woke up.

Just like that, all of the connections BamBam had made when he was younger, all the bittersweet memories of his youth, they were no longer there. He often pondered what was his purpose in living when there was nothing to live for anymore. Everything he had known was stripped from him, buried in a wave of shame, guilt, and anger.

Why him? He never knew. He never understood why such things happened to him. Why he was tried with so much and still expected to serve the city’s monarch as though he suffered nothing. 

That’s when he met her. The woman who had given him a complete new perspective of his life. She had managed to turn his world, and for the better. When he couldn’t fathom all his troubles and insecurities, she fought the battles alongside him.

The love of his life. 

He cherished her, wanting so desperately to keep her safe and protected. To not let the circumstances that befell his family rope her in as well. No, he wouldn’t allow it. Whatever he could do to prevent it, he would. 

Even if it meant drafting early, to keep her out of harm’s way. 

And it worked. For a short period of time, he was able to keep his relationship with his girlfriend a secret as well as his high-ranking position in the army. Back then, he had it all. It was perfect. 

He even considered proposing to her after he was done serving. When it came to her, there was nothing he wouldn't do. He would marry her, starting a new life with cherishable memories that will erase the pain of his past. Maybe even have children.

Unfortunately, the series of bad luck he had faced in his youth came back, this time hitting ten times stronger.

They were caught. He remembered being held back by the Sabres as he helplessly watched. Watched as the love of his life was torn away from him, screaming out to him in desperation. Tears furiously streaming down her cheeks, yet begging to spare her lover’s life even though her very own was compromised. But to no avail. He felt the air leave his lungs as he saw one of the troops raise a gun to her pretty blonde head, pulling the trigger shortly after. They murdered her. They killed her in cold blood. Right in front of his eyes, the hue of his ocean-blue eyes darkened each passing second. He remembered thrashing in the guards’ hold, violently trying to wrench his way free to hold her close to him. To thank her for never leaving his side. To whisper the final words of love she would never hear again.

Just like that, BamBam had lost everything. Nothing, nothing, could replace the aching in his chest, the feeling that someone had torn a hole right through and grabbed his heart in a death-defying grip. The silver-haired male now had no purpose to live on, no reason to come back home. 

For this very reason, he had decided to stay in the military. After all, who would be waiting for him? Everyone he had ever cared about was now gone. All he had left was himself, and even then, he wished for death. Yet, the entity seemed to be mocking him, keeping him alive as a constant reminder for his failure. The failure he regretted every single day. 

Which is why he never bothered to affiliate himself with the other soldiers. He had no reason to, forever cursed with the sense that no one would be able to understand him, understand his pain. That he would have to face those wounds all over again had he lost someone else. 

That is, until he met Lucas.

Stationed at Captain Lee’s base, the young Major would often run into him, seeing how vigorously he trained. What really caught his intention was Lucas’ drive. To any man, it may have seemed that he just wanted to impress his superiors, but BamBam knew better. 

He has suffered too, he thought. 

It was identical to how he used to train, the resolve building in his heart so that he could be with the love of his life again. For them to live together, happy and carefree. As they always had been.

Which is why Lucas became one of the select few he could trust, could call “comrade”. The first person, in a long time, allowed to call him by his alias. The reason why he had told of his suffering to the raven-haired male to which Lucas listened intently, gray eyes enlarged with consideration and empathy.

His first true friend.

And while BamBam lived a life anticipating the worst, he managed to find hope. Hope that maybe, just this once, things would finally work out. Maybe he can redeem himself.

He could be happy.

For the first time in a long time, he was happy. That was, until he had a note slipped to him during one of his night shifts by someone whom he didn’t seem to recognize. All he could remember was his piercing amber eyes under the dark hood. Eyes that were fierce and cold, just like that of a predatory wolf. And as quick as the mysterious man had appeared, he was gone. At first, he was hesitant to open the small piece of paper, thinking that it could be just some ordinary note.

But he wasn’t an ordinary man, not someone who he has seen around the regiment before. Nor was it an ordinary note. No, that man had a motive. His aura depicted it, even if he didn’t make himself known. He sought out only Bambam, no one else.

Why him?

That’s when he slowly unfolded the cream-colored parchment, hands trembling as his eyes scanned the slanted, elegant handwriting once. Then twice. He found his mind being thrown into a wave of confusion, his blood suddenly turning ice-cold in his veins.

‘Are you certain your comrade is who you think he is?’

He didn’t know why, but it left a strange aftertaste in his mouth like gum that had long lost its flavor, further chewing it leading it to even more of a bland sensation. How had someone known of his friendship with Lucas? Bambam was certain that he didn’t make his connections known, the lack of emotion transparent to all members of the army alike. 

Which meant someone knew him. Was watching him and his every move.

He tried not to think too much of it, but the thought would always linger. The seeds of doubt were already taking root in his heart, though try as he might to dispel it from growing. And when he started noticing that Lucas became more withdrawn from his duties and seemed to be “cozying” up to Captain Lee, BamBam felt warning bells sound in his head, knowing exactly how this would go down. His mind thought of that mysterious man who had given him the note. The note that made Bambam question the only good thing that has happened in his life ever since the death of his lover. So that somehow, if his doubts would be put to rest, he could stop this sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach before he suffered another blow. One he may not recover from.

Which is why Lucas and Taeyong split from the main group and sought out the storage unit, BamBam followed them.

                                                               ***

ＢａｍＢａｍ

I watch from afar as Lucas and Taeyong walk as quietly as possible to the storage unit, which just so happens to be in the opposite direction of where the masses are currently. Considering the army has a lot to tend to and many soldiers to train, the superiors wouldn’t recognize two soldiers not present until roll call. And that is if roll call is taken. Otherwise, no one would notice.

The two disappear inside, and I see Taeyong’s figure approaching the door, poking his platinum-blonde head out of the threshold, turning his head from left to right to see if they were in the clear. He only lingers for a few more moments before sliding the doors shut. 

Now’s my chance.

Creeping along the path away from the lamp posts, I scour the perimeter, trying to find a way to eavesdrop without being seen or heard. Therein lies the biggest issue. Since this unit is used to store massive crates of explosive and other high-tech devices exclusive to military personnel only, the structure is heavily fortified. There’s not one loose screw or crack visible on the exterior. 

However, some time ago, slight adjustments were made to allow an emergency escape if someone were to get stuck inside. A safety precaution that I would now use to figure out what the hell those two are up to at this time of night.  

Cutting sharply around the corner, my back pressed against the cool, metal surface of the shed, I edge slowly and carefully towards the square-shaped window. Of course, per military protocols, the glass was tinted, the tempered glass painted in a sea of black. Tinted, yes, but not sound proof. If it was, what was the point of even adding a window if someone on the outside is unable to hear whoever is inside?

Straining my ears to hear so much as their boots shifting against the stony earth beneath, I try to hone in on their voices. For a while, there's nothing but silence. Their voices are hushed. 

Taeyong, I scoff. Always the careful one.

Then I hear a shout. Definitely Lucas' voice.

"Hyung, that's suicide!"

I flinch, realizing just how loud Lucas' voice could get if someone really pissed him off. But, at the same time, Lucas normally isn’t the type to resort to emotional, particularly angry, outbursts. Whatever Taeyong had said just now, it didn’t seem Lucas is in full agreement. 

“No! Stop! I’m not letting you do this!” 

Lucas continues to raise his voice, and I can hear Taeyong yelling over him in an attempt to shut him up.

“I’ve made my decision, and it’s final!”

My eyebrow raises in question. Just what exactly are they up to? What decision is the captain referring to? Damn, if only I could hear them properly.

I try to press my ear against the surface, closing my eyes to hopefully get something more than murmured voices. It seems that Lucas has calmed down, considering I don’t hear him retort back anymore. 

Then, Taeyong speaks up.

“You haven’t told anyone, have you?”

Lucas’ reply is instantaneous.

“No. Only you’re aware of this.”

“Good, no one else should know. And I mean it. Understand?”

I don’t hear a reply from the raven-haired male, but I assume the silence is confirmation. Of what, I wish I knew. It’s strange, thinking back to the conversations between me and Lucas, slowly realizing that while I had opened up to him about my past, he really hadn’t said much. So why is it that Taeyong, a soldier of a lower ranking than most, knows something of Lucas’ situation that I don’t have a single clue of?

Did he not trust me? 

Just like that, I find rage boiling inside me, the sheer intensity making my teeth grit and hands clenching into fists. I have to confront Lucas about this, I had to. The writing on that note comes flooding back, the picture clearly evident in my head. 

Whoever that man was…would he know something like this would happen? 

I swallow hard.

Is there really something to Lucas that I’m not aware of? 

“Tomorrow,” I suddenly hear Taeyong state.

I blink out of my daze and focus on the conversation at hand, awaiting any further detail from the captain. To somehow put my doubts at ease. But each growing second, the silence stretching into minutes, the hollowness seems to grow, engulfing the only hope I’m desperately holding on to. That the reason for my happiness isn’t about to become another horrific repeat of my past.

Lucas grunts. “Hyung, no, that’s too soon—”

“There isn’t any more time! How much longer are you planning to wait, huh? Until it’s too late? Is that what you want?”

A pause. 

“No…I’m sorry,” Lucas replies quietly.

In all my time knowing the captain of the new recruits, not once had I ever heard him use this kind of reprimanding tone out of concern for one of his soldiers. His junior, nonetheless. This, whatever this is, sounds so foreign to me, and I find myself in a state of turmoil. Not knowing whether to blame Lucas for making me doubt him or myself for doubting Lucas in the first place. If maybe I had done more, he could be the one telling me what put him in this distraught emotion. Maybe, just maybe, I would seem to feel content.

Deep down, though, I know that at the end of the day, he hadn’t trusted me enough. Not like how he did with Taeyong. 

I hear shuffling and soon the doors open to reveal the pair leaving the shed. I immediately take cover, my footsteps not faltering a moment too soon. Just in time to blend in with the bushes before the blonde whips his head in my direction. 

As I watch them leave the perimeter, I slowly step out of my hiding spot, raking my hand through my silver strands harshly. In that brief exchange, I silently prayed that my suspicions of the younger male wouldn’t grow. However, I know now that I can no longer give a blind-eye to the situation, nor could I continue to give him the benefit of the doubt. The “doubt” had now spawned to question just how much I don’t know of Lucas. Why I wasn't someone he could easily approach, like Taeyong.

Is this some sort of punishment? For failing to protect the only good things in my life?

First, my girlfriend. Now, my only friend.

The only difference is that with Lucas, I still have time. I can still reach him, solely because he’s still alive. I won’t let this chance slip. I need to find him, and fast. Before I crawl back into that pill of self-loathe and despair, only for this time to crumble in its clutches completely.  

                                                             ***

He was wrong. So very wrong.

There seemed to be no mercy spared for BamBam’s life, the only thing that fueled him being living for the sake of living. That maybe the pain he endured all his life would finally come to an end. That he could be saved from falling into an endless pit of hurt and confusion. 

He stared down at the sleek, dark-black casket in front of him, all the soldiers standing around him on either side. Flowers the color of Neo City’s depiction for fallen soldiers and everything else that’s official—a deep, vibrant maroon—lay scattered around the base. 

Above it hung a picture of Lucas. 

News reached of Lucas’ death moments before the sun had set. However, his body was never found. The soldiers were deployed on a massive search to recover anything from the young soldier, but all turned up empty-handed. All except for his military dog-tag, stained with crimson blood. 

His own blood.

BamBam felt a lump in his throat, but he forced it down before fixing his hat. He had hoped to clear up whatever misunderstanding there was, to finally let the suspicion cripple away. But now he couldn’t. It was too late.

He had lost someone else. Again. As much as he wanted to hold on to this feeling of hope and happiness, he felt guilt and anger wash over him, the emotions cascading a wave of nostalgia as he realized, bitterly, that he failed to redeem himself once more.

And as he looked at the picture of his friend, his comrade, he wondered just one thing. 

What did he miss? 

Then another.

What was there that he couldn’t see?

This last thought, though, left a gut-wrenching feeling in his chest. The thought that his last few interactions with Lucas were devoid of any hospitality because of his clouded judgment. 

Now there was no way he could affirm anything, the last thing—the only thing—being suspicion instead of trust.

BamBam’s heart felt heavy, and his fists were clenched tightly at his sides as he watched the funeral procession with unnerving eyes.

Where had he gone wrong?

Chapter 06 | Chapter 07 | Chapter 08