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Lucidity (9)

☼ Pairing: BTS x reader (this chap is Namjoon x reader)

☼ Genre: vampire!BTS, succubus!reader, smut, fluff, angst

☼ Count: 6.3K

☼ Warnings: 18+, teasing, biting, minorish blood play (it’s a vampire fic so like, there’s some feeding), some dom/sub themes, unprotected, light choking, creampie, referenced kidnapping, captivity, implied attacks, minor character death (nothing in detail)

☼ Summary: You’ve spent years jumping from country to country, starting countless new lives. Crafting new lives is as easy as breathing for you, lies flowing easily and people are charmed with a simple bat of your eyes. When you meet a witch who offers the idea of opening a supernatural club, using your powers combined with hers to ensure safety to those who enter, you decide to join her in an adventure that is entirely new to you. But your new life in Seoul is drastically changed when you’re forced to face something you’ve spent centuries hiding from. But just because you might be running for your life again doesn’t mean you can’t have some fun along the way, right?

☼ a/n: Surprise~~ The truth is finally here! Hope you enjoy and that it was worth the wait! While the truth is out, there’s still a long way for everyone to go! And be sure to heed the warnings! This chapter is pretty heavy. My ask box is always open ~ 💙💙💙💙

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

You groan, stretching out on the silky bedding. The room is warm, summer light casting rays across the room where someone left the window cracked to keep you cool. You pause and listen for a moment, but there’s no sound of movement around the house signifying anyone else is home. Namjoon and Jaeho must have gone to the village for a while.

You kick your leg out from beneath the sheet that covers you, hoping to cool yourself just slightly from the heat that settles over you. You sort of wish one of them was home right now, just for some company. You all had been working so much lately that you hadn’t seen much of them other than occasional meals. You can’t even remember the last time the three of you fell into bed together at night and woke up together. You’ve all been so busy lately.

Sighing, you stretch out again and breath in deep to catch their scents. At least you have a small piece of them. You don’t think you’ll ever be able to repay Jaeho for all that he’s done for you. You’ll spend the rest of your life repaying him for the chance he took on you. You had been forcibly turned and abandoned with no knowledge of what you suddenly were. Your memories of the specific encounter have always been hazy. You just remember coming to and having the sudden, insatiable craving for sex.

Jaeho took you in months after you were turned, when you were aimlessly roaming and feeding. There had been no rhyme or reason to what you did, you simply functioned off instinct, moving around through a confused, lustful haze. You don’t even know if you had killed anyone. At the time, you simply didn’t care. The changes had muddled your mind so much that you lost yourself for a while. Jaeho had found you in an alley about to drain someone completely.

He taught you control, and in all honestly probably kept you from getting yourself killed too. You weren’t exactly subtle in your feeding, you at least knew that much. Sometimes, when you traveled with him later, you’d hear rumors from years ago. Of a woman or attacks or strange instances that sound eerily like you and your actions. It really would’ve only been a matter of time before someone caught wind, connected them, and hunted you down. He had done the same for Namjoon, you found out later. He’d been turned, either on accident or maliciously, and abandoned. Namjoon had held out for weeks, hunger slowly growing as he struggled against his new instincts to hurt those around him. Jaeho found him on the edge of going feral and helped him.

When they’d found you, they brought you back to the modest place the two had been staying at and you all had talked. He explained what they were, how he’d been around for a few centuries, the few years Namjoon had now been with him. He extended the same offer to you, to stay and learn control with others who knew the struggle of a never ending thirst. He knew some about your kind, enough to teach you about yourself and how to handle your new powers. It had been the first time you’d heard what you were, succubus.

You would’ve assumed that once your powers were well and truly under control that the three of you would go your separate ways. Or at least that Jaeho would send you on your way, confident that you wouldn’t leave a trail of bodies behind you anymore. That maybe Jaeho only saw you as someone to help out before letting you go to feel better about himself. But a couple decades later and you’re still all together, closer than ever. The relationship developed slowly over the years. All three of you danced a little awkwardly around each other. Products of a time where monogamy was most well known and the concept of three people together and happy seemed so foreign to you all.

One balmy night in Paris, when you’d come back from work, you found the two of them sprawled in just their underwear. All the windows were thrown open and a gentle breeze ruffled the curtains, casting shifting patterns of moonlight across their skin. And it struck you like a bolt of lightning in that moment, heart warmed by the sight that welcomed home. The sight that you were always so excited to come home to. A sight that you realized that you wanted to come home to forever.

“I love you.”

You had blurted it out. You don’t know if you had startled yourself more with the sudden admission or them. They both stared at you with wide eyes before exchanging a quick glance. Jaeho had tentatively, and nervously, something you had never seen from him before, asked who you were talking to. You would have thought it would’ve been hard to answer. Which one did you mean. But it was the easiest thing in the world to say as you looked from Jaeho to Namjoon and said ‘both.’

Their faces had remained nerve-wrackingly blank for long moments. Before Jaeho broke out into a wide relieved smile.

“Oh thank god. I thought I would have to be the one to bring it up first.”

Namjoon’s shock and confusion lasted a little longer. First directed at you then towards Jaeho’s admission. Even without Namjoon’s answer, you felt giddy and excited. Both of you turned expectantly towards Namjoon, who seemed to flounder under the sudden attention.

Jaeho was quick to intercede. “It’s okay if you need time or don’t feel the same, Joonie.”

Namjoon blinked a few times before quickly shaking his head. “No, I- I’m just surprised. I promise. This is… amazing.”

His soft confession was enough to finally propel you forward, tugging him up and into a feverish kiss. One that Jaeho interrupted to steal a searing kiss of his own before planting the same on Namjoon. After, the three of you had fallen into bed together and haven’t separated since, with exception of occasional trips. But those never last long for any of you. You always end up missing the others too much to stay away for long. And for all the fun there is in the world, there’s nothing better than being in their arms.

Maybe you should suggest a small vacation soon, you’re fairly certain there’s some anniversary coming up. And your small little plot of farmland will survive a few days without the three of you around. Long enough for a quick trip somewhere. You wish you could go back to Paris. But that would take too long to travel. It’d have to be somewhere a little closer.

The rustling of grass filters in through the window, signaling someone’s approach. You think about getting up to greet them, but decide that you’d rather try to get them to join you in bed. You’ve missed them too much to let the opportunity to get to be close with them for a little while go. The door is opened and closed and you can hear them shuffling around beyond the partition. The movements are too soft to pick out who it is, but after a moment, Namjoon’s warm scent spreads through the house.

“Joonie…” you croon.

There’s a pause and then a chuckle and the footsteps come closer. “Is there a particular reason you are still in bed and naked, love?”

You reach a hand out towards him. “In the hope that one of my beautiful men will decide to join me again. I miss you both.”

A smile tugs at his lips, cheeks dimpling. He tugs his hair free of it’s tie, silky strands falling to his shoulders as he gives them a quick ruffle. You know you’ve already won with that action, even if he’ll pretend to think about it. He’s not going to leave until you’re happy and satisfied. “Is that so?”

The ties of his belt are undone and he lets his top fall open. Your eyes trace over the newly revealed skin, tongue darting out to lick your lips. His skin is more tan than you last remember, leaving him practically glowing golden in the sunlight.

“Have you been working outside without a shirt lately?” you murmur.

He hums, shrugging the shirt from his shoulders and letting it pool on the ground at his feet. “There is a lot of work to do around here.”

“Are you saying I don’t do any work around here?”

He chuckles. “I think you do the most work, love.”

He hooks his thumbs in the waistband of his pants, tugging them down his legs and leaving him bare before you. You hungrily drink him in. Now that he’s able to stay out in the sunlight longer, his skin is finally starting to return to the golden of when you met, losing some of the paleness that came from his new sensitivity to sunlight. The years spent tending the fields around your little home has left him built, so much so that you're positive that even without the vampire strength that he’d be able to lift you easily. The idea makes you squirm.

Beckoning him once more, you slide the thin sheet from your body, shameless in your nudity before him. His gaze flickers across the expanse of your form before taking a step closer and stretching out beside you. Propping his head up on a hand, he uses his free hand to trace idle patterns along the soft skin of your stomach. His cool touch leaves goosebumps in their wake.

“Well, love, now that you have me back in bed, what are your grand plans?”

Shifting onto your side, you press yourself closer until you’re pressed against him, finger tips ghosting up his arm. “I’m certain we can think of something to occupy ourselves with, Joonie.”

He chuckles, the sound deep and warm enough that you want to do nothing more than bask in it forever. His hand cups your cheek gently and you lean into the touch a moment before turning your head just enough to press a kiss to his palm. “You’re insatiable,” he murmurs, trying to sound like he’s reprimanding but his tone oozes nothing but fondness.

Humming, you thread your fingers through his hair. “You don’t seem to particularly mind, though.”

“Brat,” he murmurs, before pressing his lips to yours.

You smirk into the kiss though it’s short lived as Namjoon’s hand slides off your cheek to grip the back of your neck possessively, guiding you into a deeper kiss. Moaning when he nips your lip before slipping his tongue into your mouth, you feel your pussy clench at the sting and let your hands drift from his chest down to his half hard cock where it presses to your thigh. You wrap your hand around the already hefty girth even when he’s only half hard and you get a grunt in response. Giving him a few slow pumps, you revel in the feeling of him firming up in your grip, the physical proof of the effect you have on him. Decades later and you still love the feel of them hardening with just a few strokes.

You could do that with anyone, but there’s something special about Namjoon and Jaeho. The bond you all share makes moments like these so much more than just sex or feeding. There’s a delight in the fact that time has left them just as in love with you as you still are with them. Love so deeply rooted that you don’t think it could ever be removed.

Namjoon’s lips reverently trail along your jaw. “You’re in your head. All that work to get me here and you’re just going to imagine something else?” His tone is lighthearted and teasing as he ends his question with a nip to your neck.

“There exists nothing I’d rather imagine than to be here with you. And oh,” you grin, looking pointedly to where you’re pressed together, “will you look at that. I’m right here with you.”

“I know someone who would perhaps have an objection to that.”

Leaning in, you steal a quick kiss. “It’s what he gets for leaving the bed.”

Namjoon chases your lips when you go to pull away. “Someone should do some real work around here.”

He continues pressing forward once your lips reconnect, forcing you onto your back and he shifts to pin you to the bed with his hips, hard cock pressing delightfully against you. Grinding your hips up into his, you let your legs wrap around his waist to keep him close. His cock slides through your wet folds, creating the perfect rub of friction to your clit that makes your toes curl.

“Joonie…” you whine as his lips trail down to your neck.

“I don’t know if you’ve earned anything yet, love,” he coos, fangs grazing across your skin, a shock of adrenaline racing through you at the teasing promise of being bitten.

They’ve fed from you countless times, but time does nothing to lessen the excitement that comes from the promise of the pleasure that will course through your veins as they feed from you. The first time either of them had fed from you, Jaeho had you sat on Namjoon’s cock. And you had cum almost the second Jaeho’s fangs pierced the skin of your neck. The euphoria that flooded your body had been almost overwhelming and when you had come back to yourself, Namjoon had been squirming beneath you, whining to Jaeho about how tightly your pussy can clamped around him while Jaeho had fed. Jaeho had merely laughed before lifting you easily and helping you ride Namjoon until he came as well. Not that it took long after the way your pussy had been convulsing around him. Now you’ve grown a little addicted to the feeling of being fed from by them, especially when all three of you are together.

Thrusting lazily against you, Namjoon pulls you back to the present, giving you only just enough pressure to your clit to leave you aching for more, squirming as much as you can with your hips pinned down by his. His teeth nip at your skin, the sting sending a jolt through your body, dragging a whine from your throat.

“Please…”

Namjoon makes a thoughtful noise, though he seems far more preoccupied with your neck to truly be thinking about your pleas. You wonder when he last fed. It’s been a while since he’s fed from you, so you know that he must have gone out to feed from a human. But with the way all your schedules have been lately, you don’t know exactly when that was. The way he’s interested in your neck though says that it’s maybe been a while since he’s fed. Or, you think with a small thrill, maybe he has just missed feeding from you.

You know you could easily overpower him. While in normal circumstances his strength far outweighs yours, this is your domain. And the lust slowly clouding the room means that it would be nothing to flip you both and simply take what you want. Something that he most certainly knows after being with you for so long.

But there’s something to the surrender, the implicit trust you put in him. In each other. Namjoon lifts his head and his eyes shine with happiness. Ducking down, he presses a soft kiss to your lips. Then he presses a second kiss, far more urgent and needy. It consumes you as he grinds against you, thick cock rubbing perfectly against your aching clit.

You whine against his lips, drawing a deep chuckle from him. “Tell me what you want, love,” he murmurs.

You nip at his bottom lip with a small grin. “Just you.”

Fingers digging into your hips, he adjusts you slightly so his cock just presses against your entrance. “Who would’ve thought that the sex demon would be so soft, hm?”

Before you can retort, he pulls you in, cock sinking deliciously into you. You moan as he presses in fully to the hilt, letting you sit there full of him until you start squirming, wanting him to move.

He chuckles again. “So needy, love.”

His hips draw away, until just the tip remains before he thrusts back in. The force jostles you up the bed, pulling a gasp from you and he sets a slow, almost lazy rhythm. You sink into the feeling, reveling in the drag of his cock against your walls. There’s a level of care and calculation to his movements and anticipation builds in you as you wait for his next move, pleasure slowly building in your belly. His fangs drag teasingly against the thin skin of your pulse point and your pulse races at the promise of a bite.

Teeth digging in gently, nowhere near hard enough to pierce your skin, you whine, trying to push up into the easy pressure against your throat. Namjoon’s hand finds your throat, fingers fitting right under your jaw and forcing your head back and fully exposing your throat to him. The hint of danger sends a thrill through your body and your pussy clenches around his cock.

His tongue traces the path of your racing pulse until his lips bump his fingers. “So, so needy. And yet, you won’t just ask for what you want.” He tuts, plush lips pressing to your jaw above his fingers. “Tell me what you want or you won’t get it.”

You huff and his hand tightens marginally around your throat, cutting your theatrics off immediately. “Want you to feed. Haven’t had it in so long…”

His smile presses to your neck. “Only you would miss having a vampire drink from you, love.”

A breathy laugh leaves you. “Cause I know how good it feels. It’s so good.”

He hums, tongue laving over your pulse for a moment before his fangs are sinking into your flesh. There’s a split second of pain, twin points of burning that is washed away by euphoria as the venom sinks into your veins. Your limbs tingle and every place that his hands touch feels electric. Drinking deeply, his hips stutter to a stop, leaving you impaled on his cock as he feeds.

In your distracted state, you don’t notice his fingers moving until they find your clit, circling the bundle with practiced ease. Pleasure burns through you, bright and hot as his fingers move and your hips move in an attempt to get more sensation, to get him to fuck you hard and fast and add even more pleasure for the greedy, hungry pit of lust growing within you.

He pulls away slightly, dark eyes staring at the bite before he’s diving back down to lick up the blood that oozes from the wounds. His hips twitch and you know that’s he’s just barely holding onto his restraint. You sink your fingers into his soft hair, tugging the long strands and pulling a growl from deep in his chest.

“Fuck me. Joonie, please…”

Everything freezes for a moment and then Namjoon jerks into motion, thrusts picking up pace rapidly, almost frenzied as his lips find yours for a messy, uncoordinated kiss. He fucks you hard and fast, desperate in a way you both need. You’ve missed them both so much.

Pleasure builds quickly in your belly and you let it crest with a sigh. Shuddering, your pussy clenches around his cock as you cum, venom heighting all sensation to the point that you feel high. Namjoon’s hips stutter slightly from the sudden clench. A handful of thrusts later, just as you start to tip into oversensitivity, he cums with a groan, leaving you sated and full.

His forehead rests against your shoulder for a moment before he pulls out and flops down beside you, pulling you close to cuddle.

“Love you…” he murmurs, lips brushing your skin.

Letting your fingers comb through his hair, you hum with happiness. There’s nowhere you’d rather be. “Love you too.”

Namjoon can hear the pacing before he even enters the house. Opening the door reveals the same thing he’s come home to for the past three days, Jaeho pacing around the small common space, completely lost in thought. He wonders if Jaeho even attended to his chores today, or if he’s been here since this morning when Namjoon left. He had at least managed to get Jaeho to sleep a little, if a little fitfully. Being wrapped up in Namjoon’s arms had seemed to help at least a little bit.

“Jae,” he calls softly.

There’s no response initially, Jaeho looking up a handful of seconds after Namjoon has said his name, like there’s a delay in processing what’s happening around him. Worry creases his face and Namjoon steps forward to wrap his arms around the other.

“She’ll be back. You know she always comes back,” he murmurs soothingly. He’s said it more times than he can count in the last three days. Namjoon doesn’t want to think about how he’s saying it as much to reassure Jaeho as he is to reassure himself.

The conversation the two of you had before he returned to work two weeks ago plays on a never ending loop. Wondering if there’s some hidden meaning or clue that he missed. He’d asked what your plans were for the rest of the day and you detailed that you were hungry and that there had been a werewolf that had been coming into the tea house and seemed interested. So you were going to flirt a little and see where it led.

Namjoon had never imagined that he would be here. Laying in bed, idly tracing patterns on his partners skin as she detailed her plans to go sleep with someone else. He would expect jealousy, or maybe even anger. And the jealousy had certainly been there in the beginning. But Jaeho and you had never ending patience with him. Helped him talk through his emotions and get to where he is now. Because he knows there’s nothing to be jealous of. That while you flit off every so often to sleep with some people and feed, that at the end of the day, you’ll always end up back here with them. Because it’s them that you love and they’re home.

There’s nothing in Namjoon’s recollection of the conversation that reveals any hidden meaning or agenda. You had talked as if you’d be back within a day at most, like you were just heading out for a quick bite to eat and then you’d be back.

Namjoon tries to bury the worry that bubbles up that maybe he missed something or that something’s happened. Jaeho is worrying more than enough for both of them right now and at least one of them needs to remain strong and level-headed.

Chewing his lip for a moment, Jaeho thinks his words over carefully. “I know that. But she never disappears without telling us for more than a couple of days. It’s already been almost two weeks. She would’ve told us if she was going for a while.”

Humming, Namjoon gives him another squeeze. That was another thing he was trying to not think about. Had you told him that you’d be away for a while and he just didn’t remember and now Jaeho was worrying for nothing? But if he told Jaeho that you had said that when you didn’t and you really were in trouble? Namjoon doesn’t know if he’d be able to live with that. “You know how werewolves are. She probably just got caught up and forgot. She hasn’t been with one in a while. They’re a lot and she can feed from them a lot. Probably just drinking her fill.”

Jaeho sighs, sagging slightly in Namjoon’s arms. The words seem to sooth him, at least for the moment and that’s the best that Namjoon can ask for right now. “I guess… I just don’t have a good feeling about this.”

Namjoon presses a kiss to his head. “Don’t worry. She loves us both. She’ll be back before we know it.” Pulling away, Namjoon gives him a reassuring smile, gently tugging him back towards the bed. “In the meantime, I know just how to help you relax.”

You don’t know how long you’ve been here. Time has blurred into a long stretch of aching hunger, made more acute with every attempt you make to escape. None have been successful. You don’t even really know where you are. The last thing you fully remember is spending time with the werewolf you met at the tea house. You’d spent a couple of days with him, days full of fun and left you full and sated. You had been planning to go back to Jaeho and Namjoon the next morning. But someone clearly had other plans.

Waking up in a dark, cold gray cellar had certainly been a surprise after falling asleep in bed warmed by a werewolf. As had the ache in your head and blood matted in your hair, though the blood certainly explained the headache. More surprising than just being in the cellar was finally taking notice of the bars separating you from a large portion of the cellar and confining you to one little corner. There’s nothing in the little cell with you. With no windows, there’s no way to tell how long you’ve been down here either or even what time it currently is. The cellar is sparsely filled too, a few boxes scattered around, but it seems abandoned. You’d tried yelling yourself hoarse the first few days after awakening, but either no one was around or the stone the cellar was built from kept your shouts from reaching anyone.

Which has led to your current predicament. You know at least a few weeks have passed. The slowly growing hunger is proof enough of that. The growing hunger has also meant that you’ve slowly begun to lose yourself. You’ve been having moments where you’ve blacked out, where you know you’ve been conscious but you don’t recall a thing that happened. One time you came to, to find your hands slick with blood and the sting of cuts on your fingertips. After taking a moment to get your bearings again, you found blood on the bars where you assume you had tried to break your way out even if you don’t remember those actions.

The length of time they last seems to be growing longer and you don’t know whether it comforts you to know that it will be over soon or feel guilt wrenching heartache that your last moments are here, alone and that Namjoon and Jaeho will never know what happened.

As your periods of lucidity begin to lessen and you find yourself spending those brief moments as yourself thinking of Jaeho and Namjoon. You miss them so much. Want their comforting scents here with you, to fall asleep in their arms on soft bedding instead of being alone on a cold, stone floor.

You wonder if they’re worried or looking for you. They knew you’d gone to meet someone, assuming Namjoon told Jaeho about your plans. Would they think something happened to you? Or would they just assume you had left for a while, even if you hadn’t told them that you planned to leave for a while. It’s something that you haven’t done since the beginning of your relationship. Back when you all were still figuring out how the three of you worked and you were a little more easily spooked by what you felt. And even back then, you never disappeared for long, always drawn back to them no matter what.

It’s during one of these periods of consciousness that something changes. A door opens and you see a sliver of light, that given however long you’ve been in the dark, is nearly blinding for a moment, forcing your eyes to squeeze closed. Then someone descends the stairs, a lantern in one hand, casting a warm glow about the cellar that is still almost too bright considering the dark you've sat in until now. The scent hits you a moment after her appearance. Werewolf.

Your stomach clenches painfully, hunger gnawing at you with the tease of possible food before you. You find yourself getting to your feet and approaching the bars without much thought, so fast that you stumble but you’re too focused to pay it any mind. In fact, you’re so focused that the bars startle you slightly when you bump into them.

The woman laughs cruelly when she sees that. “Forgot the bars again, whore?”

Again? Has she been down here before? Your mind reels, scraping together every brief memory from recently to see if you can recount someone coming down here. Your mind comes to only darkness. You suppose that it is possible that she came down before given the moments you’ve been losing. But that just becomes even more disconcerting because she’s been coming down here while you starve? While you’ve been struggling to get free? Fingers curling around the bars, you open your mouth to speak, but nothing comes out, throat rough from disuse.

Clearing your throat, you try again. “Who…”

The woman scoffs and you have no idea if it’s because you’ve had this conversation before or if she just seemingly dislikes you that you addressing her directly is disgusting to her. “Are we really doing this whole thing again? How you seduce anyone when you’re this stupid, is beyond me.” The lantern is set on the ground as the woman takes a seat on a small stool set before the bars. “My name is Talia. I don’t think I need to tell you that I’m a werewolf.”

“Why…”

She laughs again. “Because you slept with my mate.”

Mate? You’ve only slept with one werewolf recently. And he was certainly unmated. No marks and no mating scent. Mated werewolves carried a certain scent, a slight undertone of their mates scent that is with them always. Is that who she means? You’d discussed other current partners while you were together and he hadn’t mentioned a mate. He mentioned a guy, a werewolf from another pack that he was interested in. Was debating whether he should court him or not. You had given him some advice and he seemed genuinely happy to receive it, glowing when you asked about the other werewolf and he began to gush about how they met.

“What are you talking about?” you croak. Everything is confusing and that combined with your hunger is making your head throb, making it even harder to focus on the harsh words she spits at you.

Tutting, she shakes her head, like she’s chiding a child. “You spent all that time with him and you’ve forgotten him?”

“I… I don’t understand… I’ve only slept with one werewolf. And he wasn’t mated.”

“You know nothing of mates.” There’s a wildness in her eyes that has you shrinking away from the bars. With it comes the dawning realization that she is the reason you’re locked up down here.

Tears gather in your eyes, frustration, anger, and grief almost so overwhelming that it feels like you’re choking. “Why are you doing this? Please, let me go.”

“That’s most certainly not going to happen. Not yet anyway. I have plans for you. You ruin my life, I ruin yours,” she cackles.

And then she’s picking up the lantern and leaving as you shout behind her. For her to stop, to let you go, for anyone to help you. The silence sets in as the cellar door is slammed shut behind, disturbed only by your broken sobs.

“I’m going to find her.”

Namjoon looks up from the paper he’s going over, brow furrowed at Jaeho. “What?”

“It’s been a month, Joonie. I’m worried. I’m going to find her.” He adjusts a bag slung over his shoulder, face determined.

Namjoon starts to stand. “I’ll come with.”

Jaeho shakes his head. “No, someone should stay here. In case she comes back. Someone should be here for her. I’ll check in with you every couple of days.”

Namjoon nods reluctantly, moving closer to him. “Be safe,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to his lips.

Three days later, Namjoon catches wind of a werewolf pack that’s going to take care of a feral vampire that’s attacking a nearby village. There’s only one other vampire in the area. Namjoon’s stomach sinks and he goes to the village without a second thought.

You blink, consciousness coming back to you slowly. You notice several things that don’t immediately fully process with you. First, you’re outside. It’s night, but the buildings around you are ablaze, casting everything in bright light. Second, you are, bizarrely, no longer starving, instead a hollow fullness settles in your bones. Almost more off putting than the hunger. Third, and this one takes the longest to register because it seems so unreal, Talia stands before you. And with a growing sense of dread as you fully take in the scene, holds a struggling Jaeho by the throat.

You take a step closer and can see her grip tighten so you stop, going so far as to take a step back in the hopes that she loosens her grip on him. Jaeho thrashes and when you call out his name, all you get in response is a hiss. Is he… feral?

Flashes of memories hit you, things that make your stomach turn. It all seems like a nightmare. You have a vague awareness of completely losing yourself, Jaeho finding you. Or was he led to you? Of you… feeding from him as he fought to subdue you. When you look at your arms, you see scratches and bruises that confirm your memories to be true, that you attacked him. That you did this to him. Squeezing your eyes shut, you force the memories away before focusing on Talia again.

“Let him go.” Your voice breaks.

She gives you a cruel, condescending smile. “I don’t think so. There’s a feral vampire causing havoc, as the resident pack, we have to take care of it.”

Tears spill down your cheek as you shake your head. You have to fix this. It isn’t his fault. He just needs to feed a little and he’ll be fine. If she just gives him to you, then you can fix this. You both can go back to Namjoon and everything will be okay. “No no no. Please. Don’t do this. Give him to me. I can make him better. Please, this is just an accident.”

Humming thoughtfully for a moment, she makes eye contact with a grin. “No.”

Then she rips Jaeho’s throat out. You scream, dropping to your knees as he gurgles for a moment before slowly sinking to the ground. All you can focus on is the blood slowly seeping into the ground. You feel cold even with the heat of the blaze surrounding you. Talia drops the mess in her hand and glances behind her.

Burying your face in your hands, you sob, feeling the loss of Jaeho tear through your chest as viscerally as a dagger. You ache. How are you going to tell Namjoon? There’s no way to explain this. Jaeho should’ve let you go after he taught you control. Maybe he shouldn’t even have bothered to stop you that night he found you. He should’ve just left you to hunters.

This is all your fault.

You hear voices murmuring, one calm and collected and the other frantic, and when you finally manage to drag your gaze up what feels like an eternity later, you see Namjoon standing over Jaeho’s body, face twisted with anguish. Talia’s nowhere to be seen. He drops to his knees, hands hovering like if he doesn’t touch then it’s not real. Staggering to your feet, you cross the short distance, stopping just short of them when Namjoon’s head jerks up to meet you with a hard look. It’s enough to break your heart all over again.

“How could you do this?”

His words are ice and you have no idea how to respond. You have no answer. How could you, you haven’t even been conscious. Your lust clouded your judgement and now you’ve hurt the people you loved the most. “J-joonie-”

“Don’t call me that. You don’t get to call me that anymore. How could you do this? After everything he’s done for you?” His voice raises in pitch as tears begin to fall down his cheeks. “He did everything for you. For us. How could you?”

The silence after his shouting is deafening. It would almost be easier if he kept yelling. At least then you wouldn’t have to hear the way your thoughts swirl with ‘it’s your fault he’s dead.’

What are you supposed to say to him anyway? There’s no apology in the world that could ever bring Jaeho back. Namjoon’s right. Jaeho did everything for you. And now he’s dead.

“I’m sorry…” The words feel like ash on your tongue. Wholly inadequate but you have to say something. You and Namjoon can still continue on. You can bring Jaeho’s memory with you. You don’t all have to lose everything.

Namjoon laughs bitterly. “You’re sorry?” He sounds incredulous and shakes his head. “Just leave. I can’t…” His breath stutters and his gaze drops to the ground. “Please just go. I don’t want to see you ever again.”

You want to argue. Bring up the idea that you don’t have to lose each other too. That Jaeho wouldn’t want you to separate just because he’s gone. But you have a feeling that he won’t be receptive to that. And as much as it pains you to leave them both. You don’t want to cause Namjoon more hurt than you already have. The kindest thing you can do now is simply honor his request.

So you leave. Vowing to yourself that you’ll never let someone close again. You don’t think your heart could handle more loss. You bring nothing but pain to others.

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