#lynnslibraryxsixofcrows

[lonslibrary]

best characterization lines from the crows—matthias helvar

“This was something different. If the demon Brekker spoke the truth, Matthias would get to go home. The longing for it twisted in his chest—to hear his language spoken, to see his friends again, taste semla filled with sweet almond paste, feel the bite of the northern wind as it came roaring over the ice. To return home and be welcomed there without the burden of dishonour.” 

when you consider him as the teenager that he is, matthias has also been to hell and back and his homesickness always reminds me of it :(( the fact that he chooses nina over everything he knew and loved is the reason why i believe in love

“Even so, the words were bitter in Matthias’ mouth when he said, ‘I’ll do it.’ 

Brekker winked at Nina, and Matthias wanted to knock his teeth in.”

OK this is just my personal bonus bc i love this trio’s dynamic so much and i’ll never get over how they could have made kaz more like he is in the book in the netflix show bc i feel like kaz is not as outwardly dark and brooding as ppl think !!! he’s moody as shit but he’s seventeen and playful sometimes and he snorts and winks and is sarcastic and sometimes "played along with one of [jesper’s] jokes” and says things like “i’ll just hire matthias’ ghost to kick your ghost’s ass” LIKE PLS. but this is not abt kaz and we will now return to the regularly scheduled program...

“Matthias returned his mentor’s embrace. 

‘I don’t know if you’re wrong about the Grisha,” he said gently. ‘I just know you’re wrong about her.’ 

He held Brum tight, in a hold Matthias had learned in the echoing training rooms of the drüskelle stronghold, rooms he would never see again. He held Brum as he struggled briefly and as his body went slack. When Matthias pulled away, Brum had slipped into unconsciousness, but Matthias did not think he imagined the rage that lingered on his mentor’s features. He made himself memorise it. It was right that he should remember that look. He was a true traitor at last, and he should carry the burden of it” 

matthias’s honor comes from his loyalty and honesty and i love that he admits he still isn’t sure about the other grisha yet, just nina. a turning point for him for sure, and i’ll forever be in awe of his character development. 

“Matthias was running through the streets of a foreign city, into dangers he did not know, but for the first time since he’d looked into Nina’s eyes and seen his own humanity reflected back at him, the war inside him quieted. 

We’ll find a way to change their minds, she’d said. All of them. He would locate Nina. They would survive this night. They would free themselves of this damp, misbegotten city, and then...Well, then they’d change the world.”

this entire chapter !!!! matthias has never been my personal favorite but he is such. a. well. written. character and i will never get over him d-wording. he realizes that his duty to his god and nina can be one and the same and that it was Djel who caused the shipwreck and his fateful meeting with nina and finally, is able to accept himself as not a traitor, but instead a revolutionary !! when i think about him sleeping and eating with nina just days before he died, my heart breaks for the future he could have had. 

“Matthias wanted to scream as the wolf’s teeth sank into his forearm. He toppled to the ground, the wolf on top of him, the pain beyond anything he’d ever known. But he did not make a sound. He held the wolf’s gaze as its teeth sank more deeply into the muscle of his arm, a growl rumbling through the animal’s chest. 

Matthias suspected that the wolf’s jaws were strong enough to break bone, but he did not struggle, did not cry out, did not drop his gaze. I won’t hurt you, he swore, even if you hurt me.”

is matthias’s promise to trassel not his promise to his country? despite his realization about grisha, his loyalties lay with his home. the one that brainwashed him, forced him into a way of life, taught him everything he knew. the boy matthias faces at his death is also just another version of trassel: matthias holds up his hands, tells the boy he is unarmed, tells the young soldier he can take him to the law if he wishes. matthias’s only fault is his faith—faith that resides in his people until even the last moments of his life.

kaz’s version | wylan’s version | jesper’s version | nina’s version | matthias’s version | inej’s version

and that is it, people! the series that took more than a year to finish comes to an end with our favorite blonde soldier. i’m personally waiting to watch until friday, but happy shadow and bone season 2 day!! 

[lonslibrary]

wesper college au idk where i was going with do i even continue writing it ahhh 

jesper breaks up with his last date and is dressing up for a new one in the space of a week. 

wylan watched from their kitchen as his roommate stood in front of the full length mirror in their living room. there’s a certain air about jesper on nights like these—it’s like he’s gotten even better looking, even taller. wylan wondered if jesper put lifts in shoes while trying to ignore the fact that jesper just looks less his on date nights. 

but wylan van eck was nothing if he wasn’t a good best friend. 

“so who’s the new guy?” he asked as he chewed a granola bar. acting took calories. wylan would know.

jesper grimaced as he fixed his shirt again. “just this guy from that history class i took for like a week before i dropped it. i had his number, got bored last night, decided to text him just for fun. i don’t think it’ll be amazing or anything.” 

“cool, have fun.” is what wylan replies, casually throwing his wrapper out. his mouth is empty, but he swallows hard. so why go? he wants to ask. just stay.

the words that hurt the most come next. 

“don’t wait up,” jesper called as he grabbed his keys. 

they only hurt because wylan knew he meant them.

wylan had met jesper as a freshman in college. the long-legged boy had been late to class, arriving with a literal bang as he dropped his books. he had the sense to look apologetic and grin at the professor before slipping into the last remaining seat next to wylan. wylan had been trying hard not to steal looks when jesper had leaned in close to whisper, “excuse me. have you lost an electron?”

wylan had looked around to make sure the question had been meant for him. everyone else was focused on the lesson. “sorry?”

“because you’re positively attractive.”

wylan had been so taken aback he had snorted and then immediately ducked his head, hoping the professor hadn’t heard him. 

and that was how jesper became wylan’s lab partner in introduction to chemistry 101…another class jesper had eventually dropped out of. well, “dropped out” may be putting it nicely. jesper had been kicked out. it had only taken two weeks for him to completely ignore their professor’s directions and go rogue in lab; wylan had turned away for two seconds and then jesper’s textbook was melting and multiple people were screaming and the professor was looking like she could murder someone. but somehow, within the two weeks, wylan had grown to really like the tall, handsome sophomore who had only mixed up random chemicals because he had bet wylan he could “get a reaction out of professor hardass over there”. wylan had been smitten by jesper’s casual flirting and pretty laugh and winking in class. 

until the waiter.

a week after jesper had left chemistry, wylan had been convinced he’d never see the boy again on his huge campus. then, wylan went to have lunch with his new friend inej ghafa and her friends, only to be seated in a diner in front of jesper fahey himself. inej, whom wylan had met in his ethics class, had a pretty tight knit group of friends, wylan found out that day. kaz brekker, a wickedly smart junior majoring in architecture who saved his words; nina zenik, one of the loudest and friendliest people wylan met who was majoring in theater. her boyfriend, matthias helvar, was a philosophy student who wylan was just a little intimidated by. and of course, wylan knew jesper. 

“merchling!” jesper had crowed when inej had made to introduce him. it was a nickname that had stuck after wylan had told him that his father had forced him to be a business major. wylan couldn’t decide if he hated it. “i should have known when inej said short, curly hair, beautiful eyes.”

inej had smacked him on the arm. “not that your eyes aren’t beautiful, wylan, but i said no such thing.”

they were the most unlikely group of friends wylan had ever seen, but wylan liked each of them. especially jesper. his long legs had been tangled around wylan’s under the diner table and wylan had been so relieved to run into him again that he had begun to admit that maybe he did have a little crush. and with the way jesper flirted, he was calculating his chances to be okay. 

until the waiter came.

“fahey and friends. what can i get for you today?” the waiter was brunette, tall, ruggedly handsome, and the complete opposite of wylan.

“i don’t know, mikael,” jesper had smirked up at him. he crossed his legs so that they were no longer against wylan’s. “can i hear about today’s special?”

nina giggled as kaz rolled his eyes. wylan had just sat there, mortified. all this time he had thought jesper was interested. it had been a harsh awakening to jesper’s reputation, which wylan had found out soon after. it seemed as if jesper flirted with everything on campus that breathed. girls, boys, TAs, cashiers, waiters, uber drivers. even the younger professors. and wylan was not the only one who was smitten. he could only sit as he watched mikael smile back, completely enraptured by jesper. 

jesper didn’t leave the diner with the rest of them that day.

to make things worse, jesper stopped with wylan. the more and more time wylan spent with the five of them, the more he felt it was where he belonged. jesper was an even better guy that he could have imagined, evident from his fierce loyalty to kaz and the way he bought nina a coffee every thursday morning when they had improv class together. the closer wylan became with them, the less jesper flirted. he made his comments now and then, but it was like he saw wylan as merely a good friend now, which wylan would have been able to come to terms with if jesper didn’t flirt with every. other. person. when the year came to an end, jesper’s roommate moved out and wylan was looking for an apartment himself. despite knowing it wasn’t a good idea, wylan accepted jesper’s offer. he had no choice, when jesper was smiling like that, talking excitedly about how much fun they’d have living together. 

by his sophomore year of college, wylan had a great group of friends and was settling in nicely with his new roommate. 

the only problem was that he was in love with him.

[lonslibrary]

six of crows—MBTIs

kaz brekker INTJ (the architect)

INTJs are single-minded and ambitious. under their sarcastic and sharp sense of humor is a depth to them, in which they are busy analyzing everything and everyone around them. as one of the rarest personality types, they are often lonely in their wisdom and struggle to find others they believe are at a similar intelligence level. they want to be right, take pride in their accomplishments and desire success. weaknesses include a dismissal of emotions, being overly critical, and being very often romantically clueless. 

“The noise was deafening even beneath the water, but with fear also came a kind of giddy vindication. He’d been right.” (Bardugo, Six of Crows)          

inej ghafa INFJ (the consul)

INFJs have a strong sense of idealism and integrity. at the same time, they do what needs to be done to accomplish their goals. as the rarest personality type of all, they strive to do what’s right, spread compassion, and hope that deeper-rooted hardships and unfairness in society may be fixed. they value deep and authentic relationships with others while also prioritizing themselves. weaknesses include perfectionistic tendencies and a reluctance to open up. 

“Inej shook her head. How could she still look at him with kindness in her eyes? ‘You don’t ask for forgiveness, Kaz. You earn it.’

‘Is that what you intend to do? By hunting slavers?’

‘By hunting slavers. By rooting out the merchers and Barrel bosses who profit off of them. By being something more than just the next Pekka Rollins.’” (Bardugo, Crooked Kingdom)

jesper fahey ENFP (the campaigner)

ENFPs like jesper are true free spirits. they stand out in a crowd because they are usually smiling and always lively but maybe also because most ENFPs are attractive as hell. they can enjoy a good party at any time but can also be introspective. they can’t help but long an emotional connection with others, think about their life and the future. their thoughts tend to run free even when they should be paying attention to something else. their weaknesses are their restlessness, impatience, and a lack of focus caused by how much they’re enjoying the thrill. 

“Jesper always felt better when people were shooting at him. It wasn’t that he liked the idea of dying…but if he was worrying about staying alive, he couldn’t be thinking about anything else.” (Bardugo, Six of Crows)

wylan van eck ISFJ (the defender) 

ISFJs are sensitive, usually always good at something, and have the ability to adjust quickly. with excellent analytical abilities and many strengths, defenders like wylan have the ability to connect with others and are quite social for introverts. they like people and are loyal and hard-working within a stable family. they are not always comfortable in the spotlight but gain satisfaction from their successes. their weaknesses may include severe shyness that will usually develop into romantic feelings best portrayed through emotional support. 

“His father would have sneered at these thugs and thieves, a disgraced soldier, a gambler who couldn’t keep out of the red. But they were his first friends, his only friends, and Wylan knew that even if he’d had his pick of a thousand companions, these would have been the people he chose.” (Bardugo, Crooked Kingdom)

nina zenik ENFJ (the protagonist)

ENFJs like nina feel they have a bigger purpose in life. they tend to take all opportunities offered and are drawn to doing the right thing even when it’s not easy. they are unapologetically and stubbornly vocal about their values and have a charisma that comes from their authenticity and motivation. they are inspiring, persuasive, passionate, have great instincts, and love their friends and family deeply. however, they can also be unrealistically altruistic and intense at times. 

“‘Everything is a negotiation with you, Brekker. You probably bartered your way out of the womb. If I’m going to do this, I want us to get the rest of the Grisha out of the city.’

‘Forget it. I’m not running a charity for refugees.’

‘Then I’m out.’” (Bardugo, Crooked Kingdom)

matthias helvar ISTJ (the logistician)

matthias is a true ISTJ, strong-willed, dutiful, and dedicated. like a soldier, they create order and enforce it well with a sense of responsibility. their tireless dedication helps them reach their goals with accuracy and patience. they dislike to rely on others. their strong sense of tradition may make them seem cold or unkind, but they often just struggle to express their emotions outwardly. their weaknesses include insensitivity, inflexibility when it comes to rules, and doing things exactly by the book.

“Drüskelle colours. Matthias had worn them with such pride. And the things he’d felt for Nina had caused him so much shame. It was still with him, maybe it always would be. He’d spent too many years full of hate for it to vanish overnight. But now the shame was an echo, and all he felt was regret…” (Bardugo, Six of Crows)

if u enjoyed this, check out the crows’ hogwarts houses here!

[lonslibrary]

six of crows x pjo — camp ketterdam

when kaz brekker first arrived at camp, he made it very clear that he wasn’t there for the ice cream and t-shirts, making him the popular topic of conversation amongst other campers. he remained unclaimed for weeks after he first arrived, and everyone liked to make guesses about what cabin he would end up in. hades, most bet. brekker’s black clothing and his consistent long sleeves and gloves even during the hottest days of the year made even the few hades kids expectant. others who had seen him train claimed ares, but some ares kids disagreed. no way, they insisted. and still others liked to guess zeus, king of the gods. the way brekker carried himself around camp suggested no different, and while many of the campers kept their distance, they admired the boy in black. even with a bad leg, kaz brekker trained hard, fought hard. he didn’t bother anybody who didn’t deserve it and was a great leader, as his capture the flag team told everyone, boasting to anyone with ears about how they had won with ease with brekker’s strategies. it was why only few were genuinely surprised when during one of the last campfires of the summer, brekker began to glow, an olive branch above his head dousing him in light. athena, goddess of wisdom, strategy, skill, warfare.

nina gasped at the same time jesper groaned. “seriously?”

kaz only shrugged, looking unsurprised. nina glowered as she pulled out a handful of drachma and handed it over to inej’s waiting hand. jesper grumbled as he did the same, only to a beaming wylan.

matthias grinned, the only one who had refused to bet on kaz’s parentage. “you at least could’ve told them if it was your mom or dad.”

“i grew up without both. wasn’t sure myself.” kaz replied. he didn’t seem particularly moved.

nina elbowed jesper, still looking annoyed. “i told you we should’ve bet on mom.”

jesper snorted, shaking his head. “team mom? besides athena, what were the other options? aphrodite? hestia? can you imagine, kaz’s mom being the goddess of hearth and family?” the fire in front of them flickered higher as if also in protest. 

nina just rolled her eyes in response. she had been the first to be claimed out of them all, arriving at camp 2 years ago and being claimed by her father, hades, on her first night. the entire camp had been shocked. the campers had been sure she belonged in cabin ten with the rest of aphrodite’s children. newcomers still made the mistake, looking confused when she headed to dark, isolated cabin thirteen. but nina had always known. her mother had died when she was younger, but her dad had never been in the picture to begin with. death had always brought nina a kind of comfort she couldn’t explain, and she easily put two and two together even before her father had acknowledged her.

now, she leaned on matthias’ knee, still bothered. “could’ve been nemesis.”

“don’t take it too hard, love.” matthias said. he had been the last of them besides kaz to be claimed, but his parent had come as no surprise. matthias had been considered part of the ares family from the moment he arrived at camp. his siblings took pride in the large blonde, who was ruthless when it came to a battle, strong and smart. he feared almost nothing. it was only with nina he let down his guard, and she had fallen in love with the boy because of it. matthias lived for war, but it was more than that, nina knew. he was strongest when he was fighting for something he believed in.

on the log beside them, wylan was comforting his own boyfriend. “it’s okay, jes. hermes was a good guess, too.” when wylan had first arrived at camp, he had also secretly thought that the dark-skinned, tall boy who always hung around the pale boy with a cane, was a son of aphrodite, only to be pleasantly surprised when he saw that the boy lived in cabin nine. hephaestus. he only thought it more fitting when he saw the boy, who he found out later was named jesper, with fire. if he had noticed how the boy’s skin glowed in the sun, muscles flexing as he held up a shield, jesper’s entire body was radiant when he had flames in his hands, in the process of forging something from nothing.

wylan himself had been claimed by his father apollo his second week at camp, which hadn’t even been too long ago. he hadn’t cared who his father was amongst the gods, was just happy to have a place to escape to in the summer from his horrible stepfather’s mansion. after his mother had died, leaving him alone with the evil man, he had finally found a family amongst his friends at camp ketterdam. his father was apollo, he had marveled when he first found out. god of sun, music, archery, poetry, healing, prophecy. at camp, it didn’t matter that wylan couldn’t write a sentence or study from a book. he was good at everything else, and that was what his real father cared about.

kaz could sense it when inej approached, face lit with the dancing flames in front of them. “congratulations, kaz.”

kaz shifted over, offering her a seat next to him on the log. inej sat, small figure barely brushing his shoulder. the hunter of artemis was one of the goddess’ favorites, kaz knew. inej had the talent and grace of artemis when it came to the hunt, a terrifying force with her fourteen knives. there were few people kaz didn’t want to cross, and inej was all of them. “congrats yourself,” he replied easily, eyes trained on the fire. “you guessed right from the start.”

inej had guessed athena from the beginning of her friends’ friendly bet, staying loyal to her first guess while the others had gone back and forth for months. she didn’t know exactly when she had decided athena was the right answer. it could’ve been the moment she met kaz, when he had taken off his helmet after a long session of training and she had noticed the startling grey of his eyes, reminding her of one particular goddess. or the moment kaz had offered her a hand where she lay, knocked down by a member of his team during practice. inej had ignored it, pushing herself up and spinning a knife into her hand in the space of a breath. she registered his surprise with a bit of annoyance, but then he wore a small smile as if she had impressed him—and suddenly the infamous camper looked younger, a boy at summer camp, sweating like the rest of them under the sun. or it could’ve been any of the moments during the night before capture the flag, when they had stayed up until dawn, strategizing over a table. it came effortlessly for kaz, she noticed. he foresaw every opponent’s move, blocked every loophole that could exist. she had been tired, but refused to sleep, wanting to hear about all of kaz’s plans.

and now, as he sat beside her, inej knew it was all of them that had given her the answer, not only to kaz’s parent but to her developing feelings for the boy in black. summer was coming to an end, and inej was far from ready to leave camp and her friends. but she knew they would return the next summer, and the next. all she could do now was sit beside kaz as he continued to glow gold, his edges blurring, as if about to fade. all she could do was sit, take the marshmallow kaz offered, and smile to herself, thinking about how good kaz brekker looked in color.

i realized belatedly that the hunters of artemis swore off boys after re-reading the pjo series! hoping we can overlook that fact just once for this very important literary purpose :)) like always, thank u for reading!

[lonslibrary]

milo the handsome, powerful grisha

(based off of a tweet i saw asking s&b season 2 to have a jealous wylan because of jesper’s constant comments about a “milo” he misses. i can’t find the tweet again but if someone knows who wrote it, pls lmk!! happy reading :))

“i said wylan.” kaz repeated. 

“the newbie? for the demolitions stuff?” inej glanced at jesper next to her, but he was already raising an eyebrow in disbelief.

“you’re kidding. you want to take wylan? that’s like doubling the risk, kaz.” 

“it has to be wylan.” kaz tapped his cane, marking the end of discussion. “and you really want to talk about risk when your gambling almost got us all killed before we even had the chance to cross the fold?” 

“oh, yeah, before or after that crazy conductor guy lied about the minefield being filled with, wait for it...mines?!” jesper shot back, but he was already sullen at the mention of his gambling addiction. 

“i’m right here and i can hear everything.” wylan spoke up then, face pink as always, but voice fierce. “i can do it, whatever you’re planning.” 

the curly-haired boy had only met the dregs a couple months ago and had no idea what they had been through the past year, had only heard pieces of their trip across the fold, but he knew for sure it was safer to be on their side than the opposite. and he was about 78% sure they weren’t horrible people, despite their violently murderous tendencies. after escaping from his father, he had already taken a liking to the three. especially jesper. 

“nothing against you,” inej reassured. “you’re just less experienced.” 

“i’m good at demolitions!” wylan protested. 

“you’re average at demolitions.” jesper corrected.

“it doesn’t matter what you think.” kaz said again from his spot across the table. “wylan’s coming with us because it’s essential to the plan.” 

“whatever. i miss milo.” jesper huffed, slamming the door on his way out of the room. 

“who’s milo?” wylan blurted. he flushed when he realized his question had come out as aggressive as he had thought about it. 

kaz just rolled his eyes, silently leaving as well. inej rose to follow them out, looking just as amused at this conversation, which was not at all. “noone important. jesper held him in his arms the entire time across the fold.”

that was where it had started, the “milo” comments and wylan’s concern curiosity. 

and no, wylan wasn’t jealous of whoever this milo was, just interested. he had no business with jesper’s ex-lovers or barn tumbles. really, he didn’t care. at all. 

“i shouldn’t have left milo with the barmaid. saints, he probably hates me now.” jesper moaned over drinks that weekend, much to wylan’s dismay. he wondered if it had been a bad breakup. 

“nonono, milo could’ve definitely taken down the darkling.” he overheard jesper say to inej a week later. wylan was more concerned about milo than the fact that jesper was hinting to the fact that they had run into the darkling on their trip last year. he wondered if milo was some powerful grisha who lived in the little palace. not. that he cared. he was just worried about jesper being so hung up on this “milo”. with the number of comments jesper made about whoever he was, the sharpshooter was clearly not over him. 

which was why wylan smiled, pleased, when he heard jesper comment again the next day at the tables, drinking with cards in his hands. “inej, i think i should find a new milo.” 

inej didn’t even look at jesper from where she was overseeing the dealer kaz had asked her to keep an eye on. “he was really cute.” she conceded. wylan’s smile dropped. inej rarely spoke her opinions on stuff like this. if even inej thought—

“but i do think you’re a bit obsessed. you had him for, what? three days?” 

“i loved him.” jesper insisted dramatically. 

wylan spat out the mouthful of water he had been about to swallow, choking as he pushed his chair back from the table and stood up. he was as red as his hair. 

“it’s fine! i’m okay!” he coughed, passing kaz as he sped out of the crow club. 

kaz looked at the mess of water on the cards and chips before turning to a  snickering jesper with an unimpressed look. 

“as much as i like torturing the merchling, next time it results in a mess like this in the club, i will be the one to put him out of his misery by telling him milo is a fucking goat. understand?” 

“yeah, boss.” jesper saluted, trying not to grin. 

inej smiled. jesper was enjoying himself way too much, and even if she had only added more fire to the very obvious situation because she was bored, it didn’t make it any less fun. she knew that kaz had found it funny, too, or he would have put an end to it much sooner. 

but kaz had apparently also sensed jesper’s lacking promise because he was leaned in, saying something to jesper under his breath that inej couldn’t hear. she saw jesper nod grudgingly and watched as kaz headed for the door. 

“it’s like he hates fun.” jesper grumbled, folding his cards and coming to stand next to her with his drink. “and fuck you for telling him about the stablehand.” he said, no malice in his voice. 

inej couldn’t help but laugh. she found it funny enough that kaz had threatened to tell wylan about jesper’s one actual true affair during their trip to os alta, but she was just as amused by the fact that it had bothered jesper enough for him to agree to stop torturing wylan. 

and just for wylan’s sake, she really hoped he never found out about the stablehand. 

i’m back! and i want to write more!! send requests <3    

[lonslibrary]

whatever your heart desires (in which each crow couple come across the mirror of erised during their time at hogwarts)

1.  kanej 

“what do you see?” 

kaz smiling wryly, realizing inej had been so focused on her reflection that he had surprised her. 

inej asking him if he knows how the mirror works

“what do you see?” he repeats. 

“mama. papa.” inej replies. “i am back with them, and i’m standing on grass.” she closes her eyes. “i can almost smell the green.”  

kaz knows exactly how the mirror of erised works and how personal someone’s desires are. 

he had only asked because of curiosity. 

no—hope. 

hope, a tiny sliver of it that took up a corner of his head and heart.

he knew how wants are dangerous, how they render someone vulnerable, weak. 

he would know. 

“i thought so.” he decides to lie. “i see..my brother, too. i think it’s a family mirror.” 

inej frowns. “but now i see you with me, as we are now.” 

kaz freezes. 

wonders if the mirror is broken. 

asks himself if he deserves even this, when he does not deserve anything as close to as good as this girl in front of him. 

years later, inej will find out what kind of mirror the erised is, and will laugh at kaz’s initial answer. 

“family mirror,” she’ll mock with a smile. 

but now, in the present, kaz cannot bear to tell her that he desires her the way she does him, cannot let himself ruin the one thing that matters most. he cannot bring himself to say the words, “i want, too. for you to stay beside me, as you are now, forever.” 

all he can do is move a little closer. 

let their shoulders brush. 

tell her, “i guess i was wrong.” 

inej cocking her head because kaz doesn’t say sentences like that.

“because now i see you, too.” 

2. helnik

matthias and nina stumble across the mirror of erised in the shrieking shack one day during a trip to hogsmeade. 

nina recognizes it immediately. she sees herself, with matthias. her friends join them, inej and jesper waving, wylan grinning by their side. even kaz. zoya, a proud look on her face, genya giving her a knowing wink. 

all the people she cared about. alive. safe. happy. 

eyes sparkling, she turns to ask matthias what he sees but the look on his face makes her swallow her words. 

matthias was dreaming. 

dreaming of her. 

he saw himself, with nina. 

but his dream—this time in fjerda, with his old friend trassel sitting by his side. 

clean shaven, wearing a durmstrang uniform in which he had learned dark magic, trained once to join the dark side. 

nina could half guess what matthias saw from the way his eyes went both sad and resentful at the same time. 

like he was nostalgic of a bad memory. 

and matthias knew she knew. 

there were times matthias’ heart was at war, knowing hogwarts was not exactly where he belonged. 

he would not go back to where he came from, believed with his whole heart it was wrong, but fjerda was still a place he had called home, where he had left his entire life behind. friends, family. 

all the people he had cared about. together. proud. unchanging. 

but nina—nina did not belong there, and he would die before he let her go through a fraction of what he had. he would no longer fight back against pure magic, what wizards were truly meant to do. 

matthias squared his shoulders. 

stared at his reflection head on. willed it to change. 

he had known before, but it was even clearer now. 

where nina didn’t belong, neither did he. 

nina was his new home. 

3. wesper

jesper had finally convinced wylan to skip potions with him and was stealing kisses in the hallways when they heard footsteps. 

“shit, shit!” jesper pulled away from a paling wylan, grabbing him and running in the opposite direction of professor mcgonagall’s voice. they ran down a long hallway before jesper pulled him into the first room he saw. 

wylan, breathless from both kisses and running

“i should never—” he gasped for air. 

“—have listened to you... damn your long legs.”

“saints,” jesper murmured from beside him, not out of breath one bit. “we’re in the room of requirement.” 

wylan spins, looking around the room they had stumbled into. 

jesper, speechless for once as he looked into the mirror of erised. 

he stood in his robes, but beside him was his mother, her face and age the same as the day she died. on his other side stood his father, wearing the proudest expression jesper had ever seen. 

a lump in his throat appearing at both the age difference between his smiling parents and at the sudden, invasive thoughts. 

had his father ever been that proud of him before? 

what had he even ever done that would make him that proud? 

what would his mother think of him now?

jesper always liked to think she watched him from above, but sometimes it was easy to forget. to give into temptation. 

“jes?”

wylan’s confusion at jesper’s serious face making jesper confused. 

“what do you see, wy?” 

wylan blinks. 

stares into the mirror.

“what do you mean, what do i see? it’s just a mirror.” 

and suddenly, the lump dissipates and jesper’s heart is just full, full, full.

full of the boy in front of him who wants nothing more than what he has now, which is to be with jesper in a place he calls home.

jesper squeezes wylan’s hand, 

tells him, “you’re right, i was just kidding.” 

looks back at his reflection, sees wylan with him now, his parents still staring back, proud. 

he makes a silent promise to do better, be better. 

he just had one more person he wanted to make proud now. 

tried writing these in regular fic format and just couldn’t do it. it was wordy, taking forever, and i didn’t love it. idk how satisfied i am with this but it took me a while so pls enjoy :) one of the things i dont think gets talked about enough is matthias’s character development and how complex of an internal conflict he has throughout the duology. helnik is one of the couples i’m lesser invested in out of the 3 but leigh bardugo put so much thought into him and his relationship with nina which i love. 

comment ur thoughts and anything you’d like to see next! requests are open, always <3

[lonslibrary]

the pretty things (in which wylan could trust)

there’s a sitting room, upstairs, a small room in a big house that wylan turned into his own when he settled in with his mother and jesper. 

he had chosen the specific room because of its large balcony. wylan had memories of his younger self sneaking out of his bedroom before sunset, sitting on the balcony with his legs dangling off the second floor and head turned up towards the sky. while the letters and words had always seemed complicated, wylan knew no hardships with the pretty things. music, art, calculations, colors, chemistry. they didn’t try to trick you with its round vowels or hidden consonants. they were upfront, straightforward, trustworthy. 

and saints knew wylan had a lack of things to trust growing up. 

it was why wylan ended up placing his easel on the balcony, eager to draw the honest and reliable sky, his old and only friend from childhood. but soon, wylan found himself shifting his easel, turning his back on the sky to face into the room instead, where something (or, someone) just as pretty liked to spend his day. 

jesper hadn’t understood the pretty, simple things like wylan did. he liked the rush that came with a challenge. it was in the van eck mansion he eventually began to learn that there were better scents than gunpowder in the air, that spending a day doing nothing was not a bore, but sometimes a much needed rest. jesper had begun to sleep through the night without fits and even wake up later in the morning, long after wylan had already made his way out onto the balcony and picked up his pencils. 

now, jesper rose from bed, white sheets tangled against his dark skin. “g’morning.” 

“morning, jes.” wylan murmured back, focused on his drawing. he wouldn’t ever be able to capture jesper’s perfect lips on paper, no, but he would die trying. 

“am i still your subject?” jesper smiled from where he sat on the bed. he was always restless but tried to stay still as possible when he knew wylan was drawing him, even though wylan had insisted he didn’t need to. “it’s been two weeks since you started that drawing.” 

“it’s a study,” wylan replied, shading jesper’s collarbones. jesper didn’t like to wear a shirt when he slept, he had learned very early on. “it’s a long process.” he sighed as he placed his pencil down. he had done all he could for the day.

“a study, huh?” jesper slipped off of the bed, making his way over to his boyfriend on the balcony. “if it’s a study, you should do thorough research. i think i can help with that.” 

wylan felt himself flush and wondered grumpily if he would ever stop being so affected by jesper’s words. but he automatically felt better seeing jesper walk out barefoot onto the balcony and whistle lowly at his drawing. “quite a blessing, my morning figure. oh, and your talents, too, i guess.” 

wylan rolled his eyes, but it was a perfect morning in his so far perfect day and he was happier than he could ever remember. he let jesper join him on the edge of the balcony before pulling him into their first of many kisses of the day, soaking in the boy who was even brighter than the sun, the boy who didn’t leave at night. the boy who kept darkness at bay. 

even when jesper inevitably pulled away, he didn’t go far. he was still close enough that wylan could hear his breath catch in the slightest, see his dark pupils dilated. 

wylan knew too well that people had the wretched habit of lying, hiding things, abusing their false words. but it was their bodies that gave them away, betraying their facade with small habits and natural tics that even the best couldn’t hide. it was these reactions that wylan had learned to see in a person, and it was these specific things he knew he could trust.  

it was one of the reasons he liked jesper fahey so much. 

happy shadow and bone week! (D-3 days!!) so, so excited but at the same time overwhelmed with the amount of work i have for the last couple weeks of the semester. in the meantime, enjoy some wesper. much love <3