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I have two low key (kinda high key) career defining presentations back to back. The art world has been the only thing that makes sense. If these presentations go poorly, I don’t know if I would be able to handle it.
I wanna vomit. I’m nervous. I’m scared. What if I’m not good enough? What if this whole art stuff has just been a fluke?
Very rarely do I ever doubt my abilities, but when I do, oh boy.
I just fucking hate you so much.
No matter what feelings I have, they’re never valid enough for you. I’m constantly belittled and treated like I an idiot. Anytime I have a feeling, it’s treated as stupid and worthless. But heaven forbid any of the same things happen to you. Like Jesus Christ you would flip the fuck out.
You just piss me off because you cant see past your own nose. You act so educated but that isn’t worth shit when you can’t even be polite to the people around you. The people that fucking care.
Stupid.
There's a difference between feeling alone and feeling lonely. I can recognize that what I'm feeling right now is loneliness. I know I'm not alone. I know that I have people that care, love, and support me. But I'm just so fucking lonely. I feel like I can't really talk to anyone right now. I don't want to talk to them. I hate how much I wish for that "one" person to walk into my life. I'm tired of winging this shit on my own. I want to go through life with someone now. I want to ask someone how their day was and genuinely care about their answer. I want someone that wants to know about my day. Someone I can be annoying, stressed, overbearing, or anxious with and they'll still love me. I just want one person to care in all those ways. And I want it now. I hate feeling this way. I know that I should be out having a life so that I can tell my future person about all these things, but I really don't want to be by myself. I don't know. It just sucks.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK WHAT THE FUCK THE FUCK god what am I feeling and why am I feeling things and why does that make me want to fucking puke. what the fuck is wrong with me omg
motherfucking feelings are motherfucking fucked up. fuck me.
I should not have to fight as hard as I do to keep people in my life. So no more fighting. If they want me, they'll come and find me. I'm so over all of this bullshit.
I know there's not much of a point, but
geez I miss you.
