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What really grinds my gears is when in teen wolf fanfic they refer to Derek as a "convicted felon", he's not. He was never even formally charged or indicted. He was a suspect. Arrested? sure. Convicted of anything? no.
Sorry but this difference matters to me.
So I got asked over on Pinterest why I liked childhood best friends to lovers dynamics and childhood best friends being the best of friends in general.
Here’s why
I had a childhood best friend, I met her in preschool and we’ve been together ever since but like ??? I could say I’m fine even though I’d just been crying and my voice is a little crackly around the edges and she’ll be like “Okay” and go off with a different friend at a party full of people I don’t know but she does but I’m sitting on the stairs out back crying because she’s abandoned me and I don’t know any of these people and I didn’t want to come because I don’t know anybody but she does.
She can’t tell when I’m a minute away from shattering, she can’t tell when she’s pushing me too far, when in a fight that “fat freak” is truly hurtful and telling me that everyone at school has forgotten me or hates me since COVID hit is one of the worst things she could say to me.
If I tell her about my inferiority complex she’ll respond with “But you’re a reading genius, everyone knows it. You’re fine.” But saying ‘oh you’re a prodigy, everyone knows it’ doesn’t help because I’m not some sort of reading genius anymore and now I don’t want to read all the time because not only has it labeled me a freak, I haven’t connected with a lot of classmates because my head was stuck in books for years while I drowned everyone else out. But now when it actually matters to connect with other classmates outside my tight group of four, I can’t because when I should have been talking to people I was reading. It doesn’t matter if there are smarter, better students in the grade to her, she’s not very high up anyway but it matters to me because I was the top of the class and now I have to fight twice as hard because I’m not a mile ahead anymore.
She doesn’t understand my fragile and quicksilver moods while people who have known me half the time she has at least know how to react.
We don’t have any unbreakable bond of trust, I stopped trusting her that much when she left me at that party, when she lied so she could go trick or treating instead of hanging out with me even though we’d planned this for weeks and she knew I was over the moon about it, I stopped confiding in her like that when she threw my insecurities right back at me the second I picked a fight in her while I was in a bad mood.
I stopped confiding in her at all when my other two best friends heard my crying in the library because I’d failed a test and they never threw my feelings back at me like that, not even in a fight.
I stopped relying on her when those same two friends beat up the boy who groped me behind the school and wouldn’t stop until he’d cried just as hard as I had.
I stopped being myself around her when those same two best friends quickly caught up on how to stop me from crumbling, how to notice my moods shift before they happened and to stop me from exploding like an egg in a microwave.
I stopped inviting her over when she’d screamed at me that I was nothing but a stuck up bitch who would never amount to anything in my life, I stopped inviting her over when she blew me off for plans the first week in a row and those other two best friends quickly rallied and came over that night to watch My Hero Acadamia and go for walks in the woods with nothing but our phone flashlights, signing the lyrics of our favorite songs at the tops of our lungs.
I stopped going to her for comfort entirely when my volleyball team lost at the finals for state champion. I missed the blocked ball by an inch when it was 31-30 against us and she didn’t care when I cried the whole ride home because I’d failed.
I stopped believing in her when she promised she’d never leave me, but she was out of the room the moment I had a panic attack on the floor.
My childhood best friend had begun to fail and throw everything I’d ever trusted her with back into my face when I wasn’t at my best when we were thirteen. When she realized I wasn’t a helpless little dorky girl who needed her as desperately anymore. When I was no longer shy and I’d get snappish, scared and angry when I felt trapped.
So I look at childhood best friends in shows and books and movies and I either love them to pieces as bros or I ship them so hard because they’ve been there since the beginning, they’ve seen the worst of eachother and they haven’t left. They haven’t used the others weaknesses against them. They could have gotten tired of the other or simply up and left with blackmail material for years but they didn’t.
And I think that’s the best kind of love, the best kind of ship.
Day 5/100 days of productivity
Today I:
Re-wrote my special relativity notes into my cosmology notebook
Did more maths questions to review first year maths
Marked out the topics I thought I needed to review in 2nd year maths
Got my quantum mechanics textbook back from the library
Changed my sheets (~just neurodivergent things~)
I had a good day today so far! I'm going to read some more of my quasars and cosmology assigned reading later because it's just really good. I'm up to like, chapter 5 already! Tomorrow I'll hopefully be starting some python learning.
🎧: Toca La Guitarra by Professor Caveman
today's mood
I just got into a fight with someone in a YouTube comments section because they said everyone at Seijou but Oikawa sucked and Iwaizumi was a shitty friend for holding him back from going to nationals and IwaOi is toxic and Seijou is shit because they lost to Karasuno in the practice match
Excuse me what.
Aoba Johsai has been considered a powerhouse team long before Oikawa was there, Kageyama mentions that a lot of players from Kitagawa—a powerful middleschool team, their players are pretty good—went to Aoba Johsai, why would good players go to a shitty team? They wouldn’t—Kageyama only went to Karasuno because he thought the OG Coach Ukai was coming back, not because he thought the team was good—it just isn’t logical if they can go somewhere better.
Seijou was definitely not at its best during the practice match, and I think that has a lot to do with the fact that they weren’t used to playing with Yahaba as a setter, especially not the rest of the Seijou Four. They were good players, they just weren’t used to Yahaba’s sets and Yahaba wasn’t really used to them.
Also, don’t come at me with that “All of Seijou is weak without Oikawa” shit. Iwaizumi LITERALLY has the same stats as Ushijima, he broke through the unbreakable Iron Wall like it was NOTHING. Kyoutani is a fucking POWERHOUSE, Makki and Mattsun are really good too. Do not slander the Seijou beans.
Iwaizumi is NOT a shitty friend—has this person seen the show? He’s the best friend OF THE SERIES—and he sure as fuck didn’t hold Oikawa back. Oikawa chose not to go to Shiratorizowa and I don’t think first year Oikawa could really survive and flourish without Iwaizumi. Shiratorizowa also revolves around Ushijima and I don’t think that would be the best environment for Oiks to be in. Iwaizumi has only ever pushed Oikawa foreword.
I don’t really need to rant about how IwaOi isn’t toxic do I? Most people know it’s not and it deserves its own post.
👏🏻 Seijou 👏🏻 is 👏🏻 not 👏🏻 shit 👏🏻 do 👏🏻 not 👏🏻 test 👏🏻 me 👏🏻 on 👏🏻 this 👏🏻
Day 3/100 days of productivity
Today I:
Did some more cosmology reading
Went shopping with a friend
Made a huge Google calender timetable for the entirety of my term
Did some maths questions
Honestly had a bit of a low day motivation-wise, but I managed to do some stuff anyway. Enjoy some pictures of my campus and my notes that I took yesterday because I'm too tired to take more today and it's already night.
🎧: Chameleon Paint by Tropical Fuck Storm
Day 6/100 days of productivity
Today I:
Finished reviewing last year's relativity unit
Started doing some python notes
Made apple crumble!
Downloaded some books I wanted from an online library
Did more cosmology reading
So um, is anyone else having super vivid dreams with dark omens in them? Just me? Ok. Well today was Mabon (yay!), which meant we just HAD to make apple crumble. Honestly when you guys talk about how crap British food is, you're not talking about apple crumble. We have the pastries and cakes down. I was super tired today because I didn't sleep well last night, but at least I got through some stuff! Yeah I know this is an ugly post but things just be like that sometimes.
🎧: Skeleton Appreciation Day in Vestal, NY (bones), by Will Wood and the Tapeworms
