Mansions and Magic Don’t Mix
Part 1 of 2
Part 2 Ao3 Link Word Count: 2.6k Character(s): Joel, Xisuma Summary: Joel and Xisuma go on a mission raiding a woodland mansion together, though it doesn’t exactly go the way they expect, in probably the worst way possible.
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It was just an invitation.
A friendly invitation, extended from the server Admin to a new member. A possibility to get to know each other a little more - an adventure, one that should’ve been simple.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
Xisuma was already waiting by the time Joel got there, leaning against the wall next to the doorway. The doorway was blocked off with cobblestone, which must’ve been Xisuma’s doing.
“Hey Smallbeans,” Xisuma greeted, giving him a subtle nod as he pushed himself off the wall.
“Hey Xisuma,” Joel returned, deciding not to comment on the name. “Is there anything special we’re here for?”
“Not really, I’ve just been planning to raid this for a while now, a few of the Hermits directed me to you to help,” Xisuma answered, pulling his pickaxe from the belt around his waist. He waited as Joel pulled his sword from its sheath and pulled his shield into its proper place on his left arm. “Ready?” He asked when Joel had finished, causing his companion to look up at him.
“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Joel muttered, following Xisuma’s movements as he walked up to the blocked-off door and swung at the blocks, carving a hole just big enough for them both to enter with just a few swings.
Joel moved ahead of Xisuma as he placed the pickaxe back in its place, and he scooped up the two small blocks off the ground, slipping them into the pouch on the belt around his waist. He pulled his sword from its sheath and moved into the mansion after Joel.
The front hallway was empty, and as Joel pulled a match from his pack and lit an already partially burned torch on the wall after a few tries. Xisuma got the idea and grabbed the burned-out torch on the other side of the doorway before he walked over to Joel, lighting the wood on his already-burning one.
“How long were you standing there, again?” Joel asked as he turned away, holding his torch out in front of him and casting the flickering light out into the hallway that was stretching away from them.
“Probably about five to ten minutes, why?” Xisuma replied, turning in the other direction to search for anything that might move.
“And they didn’t find their way over here in that time?” Joel mused, mostly to himself, “Well, then again, they wouldn’t be able to see you. Which way are we going?”
“I’d say left,” Xisuma replied, and Joel started off the way he was facing, keeping his torch pointed in front of him. He could hear Xisuma’s footsteps starting and stopping behind him, and when he looked back, he saw a couple of lit torches set down on the ground. Xisuma was already pulling another piece of wood with coal dusted on the end out of the small bag at his waist.
“What?” Xisuma asked when he noticed Joel’s glance. Joel sighed slightly as he turned around.
“Nevermind. Let’s keep going, they’ll be in here,” Joel said as he gestured into the first room. Xisuma nodded, pressing the torches together as he adjusted his grip on his sword, moving forward into the room.
He had to duck as a vindicator charged at him just as he entered the room, its axe swinging wildly. Joel stabbed it through as it ran towards him, pulling it out again quickly before repeating the motion a few more times until the creature collapsed to the ground. It would lay there for a few moments before vaporizing into code, but neither of them had time to sit and watch it. Xisuma slashed at another vindicator as it came after him, taking a few steps back from the force of its blows.
Joel charged at the only remaining mob in the room before it could attack him, embedding his sword in the handle of its axe for a brief, heart-stopping moment. His eyes widened as the vindicator tried to swing at him anyway. He was forced to let go of his sword and dive out of the way as it almost sent the axe-blade clean through his head.
Joel was just scrambling up when he saw a sword-tip come through the front of the vindicator’s clothing. It froze for a moment, then its limbs dropped heavily, the axe head embedding itself in the wooden floor, before the mob fizzled away into nothing.
Xisuma and Joel locked eyes for a long moment, Joel taking slightly shaky breaths, both of them listening to the utter silence that fell over the room.
Joel stepped forward and grabbed the hilt of his sword, trying to pull it out of the handle of the axe. However, it took him a moment - and a few pulls of the sword - to get it loose.
“What in the hell is the material they use for those things,” Joel muttered to himself as he glanced over the blade quickly, before he turned his attention back to Xisuma, who had just placed a torch down on the floor.
“Good question,” Xisuma replied, running a gloved hand down the axe’s handle before he stepped around Joel, heading back out into the large, dark hallway. “Let’s go, there’s plenty more where that came from.”
Joel let a soft huff escape his lips as he started after Xisuma, watching as his companion set another torch on the floor of the hallway in an attempt to light up the mansion. Xisuma was right - they had a long way to go.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
Luckily, most of the other rooms were like the first. A few mobs, maybe a creeper, skeleton, spider or zombie in a few rooms - okay, more than a few, but they were vastly easier to deal with than the vindicators. They had cleared out the entire bottom floor and most of the second. The second floor was marginally easier than the ground floor, mostly because of dim rays of sunlight filtering through the windows, keeping the other mobs from forming so they weren’t entirely overwhelmed.
“Joel, lookout!” Xisuma called from behind Joel, and he dived to the side just as jaws snapped up from the floor, right where he was standing moments before.
“Ugh, I’m really starting to hate this guy,” Joel grumbled, pushing himself up and continuing his circling around the evoker, eying it warily.
“Yeah, I- vexes!” Xisuma yelled in warning, taking a swipe at the one that emerged from the wall with his sword.
“God, I hate these things. Can’t they just give us a break?” Joel complained, jabbing at another vex himself, hissing in pain as he missed and it scraped its claws along his arm. He shivered as he heard almost what sounded like nails on a chalkboard - or nails on metal, he supposed. Either way, it was a loud, screeching sound, one he assumed was the sound of Xisuma’s armor being assaulted.
Joel would’ve turned to help, if it hadn’t been for the vex that now seemed like it was targeting him. For every one hit he got on it, it got at least two on him, leaving long scratches everywhere it touched him. Joel was gasping, his lungs burning when he eventually got the final hit on it, and his entire body ached and stung.
“Hey, Smallbeans-” Joel heard Xisuma start, but he was cut off halfway through, and Joel spun around towards the sound of his voice, his eyes widening as he caught sight of the scene in front of him. Xisuma’s leg was caught in the teeth of one of the jaws reaching up from the floor, and he seemed to sway on his feet.
“Blummin’ hell, X?!” Joel exclaimed, dashing over to him and grabbing for his arm, but he missed as Xisuma vanished. “X?!” Joel yelled, glancing around frantically as panic started to set in. What the hell? How had he managed to lose the Admin?!
Joel hesitated just before he was about to step forward, and he glanced down at the small figure on the ground. He leaned down to grab a mini-sized version of the person who had just been standing in front of him.
“X? How did you-?” Joel muttered, glancing back at the evoker in the corner of the room as he spoke and he faltered. “Okay, nevermind. Well, didn’t know they could do that, but that’s for later.”
Joel closed his hand around Xisuma as he turned, coming face-to-face with a group of vindicators.
“Should we go now? Yeah, we should go,” Joel said nervously, mostly to himself, and he took a slow step back. His eyes widened as he heard the telltale sound of snapping, and he wasn’t able to move his foot away before it was captured in a large jaw.
However, that wasn’t what he was the most worried about at the moment.
The vindicators charged at Joel all at once, and he had to shift Xisuma to his non-dominant hand so he could both clumsily swing at the vindicators and use his shield to take the heavy blows coming from his other side. His leg was quickly released as the jaw retreated into the floor, and Joel backed up quickly, pressed backwards by the relentless attacks.
He pressed himself into the corner, holding the limp Xisuma gingerly in his hand as he held his shield up in front of him, occasionally stabbing at the vindicators with his sword. Joel could hear his shield starting to crack, and his eyes widened. The moment his shield broke, he was essentially virtually defenseless. At least, he couldn’t protect Xisuma anymore, not properly.
“Sorry,” Joel apologized, just in case Xisuma was still awake. He moved Xisuma to his other hand so that he could raise him into his mouth and slip him inside. The first thing that he noted was that Xisuma’s armor was cool and rough, and Joel readjusted his grip on his sword as he shifted Xisuma around in his mouth, trying his best to coat him in his saliva. He mentally apologized to Xisuma again, tipping his head back slightly as he swallowed him. It was a bit earlier than he would’ve liked, but the cracking of his shield was freaking him out.
Xisuma was like a little weight that settled into his stomach - he was surprisingly heavy, though it might’ve been his armor. Whatever it might’ve been, it was at the back of Joel’s mind as he jabbed at one of the mobs crowding him again, and he grinned when it toppled to the ground. Joel didn’t waste a second, slipping out of the temporary gap in the barricade of bodies and narrowly dodging a blow to his head. He swiped at the nearest vindicator, leaving a deep gash in its leg. It growled in anger, bringing its axe down on his shoulder, and Joel let out a pained yell.
He didn’t look down at his arm, not wanting to see the split-open flesh, but his arm hung down uselessly at his side, the tip of his shield scraping across the floor.
“Shit,” Joel muttered, jabbing clumsily at the vindicator, and spearing it right through its axe-wielding arm. It howled, but the sound abruptly ceased as Joel swiped at it again, slitting its throat messily. Joel turned immediately, dropping his shield as he started running. He could hear the angry noises of the mobs behind him as he ran, but he paid them no mind, he was faster than them. He didn’t bother to sheath his sword, just holding the blade away from him as he turned sharply, dashing down the stairs. He barely avoided crashing into the wall on the landing, but, despite that, he didn’t waste any time in throwing himself down the rest of the stairs and out the hole in the wall of cobblestone covering the doorway.
Joel didn’t stop running until he made it to the Nether portal, hidden in the trees a few dozen metres from the mansion. He let out a soft gasp as he sank to the ground with his back pressed against the obsidian frame. He let his sword lay on the ground by his side as he gingerly pulled his injured arm into his lap, hissing as the open wound was pulled at. It hurt to move his neck, which he discovered painfully when he tried to get a look at the wound on his shoulder. He hadn’t brought any healing potions, and there was no way he could bandage it up properly.
Joel groaned, tapping on the black screen fixed onto his wrist, only to frown when it didn’t turn on. When he looked closer, he noticed that there was a long scratch etched into the surface of the screen.
“Stupid vex,” he hissed, clenching his hand into a fist for a minute before he sighed, letting the tension out of his shoulders, which caused him to hiss in pain again. Damnnit, he had to get to the medbay under his own power. Sure, he managed to get outside, but the adrenaline had worn off now, and every part of his body ached. He didn’t think he could get up again.
Joel hesitated when he felt the slightest movement from inside him, and he glanced down at his stomach, carefully moving his good arm to cover it. He had forgotten about Xisuma in the panic of trying to get out, but now he was painfully aware of the small figure resting inside him. What had even happened to him? Why did he shrink, why did he collapse?
The questions were bouncing around in Joel’s head, but he didn’t dare say any of them out loud, worried that he might startle Xisuma. Did he know what had happened? Or was he completely passed out by the time Joel had eaten him?
Joel was silent as he felt more shifting, and he bit his lip. Xisuma was clearly waking up. What the hell would he say?
He felt what might’ve been a hand press against the inside of his stomach, and, a moment later, he heard a questioning word, “Beans?” The voice was weak and sounded raspy, but otherwise sounded okay.
“Xisuma?” Joel returned, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.
“Hey… what happened…” came the soft reply, and Joel hesitated for a moment before replying.
“You kind of, shrunk? And collapsed? Then I was surrounded, and I couldn’t-” Joel tried to explain, but he was cut off after a moment.
“Okay, okay, I get it. Are you alright? Get away… okay?”
“I’m fine,” Joel lied, “just scratched up. My comm broke, though. What about you?”
“Dizzy,” Xisuma replied softly, “and everything feels a little fuzzy. I think I’m lightheaded.”
“I don’t know what that evoker did to you,” Joel muttered, half to himself, “we should get you medical attention.”
“Yeah…” Xisuma answered, but his response was more faint than last time.
“Xisuma?” Joel asked.
“Tired. Think I’m gonna… close my eyes for a bit,” Xisuma murmured, his voice dropping in volume the more he spoke. Joel was relieved when he heard Xisuma was going back to sleep. At least he didn’t have to explain why he couldn’t let Xisuma out. He pushed himself up slowly, painfully, using the obsidian behind him for support.
Get to spawn, he repeated in his head as he stepped into the swirling purple portal. He closed his eyes as the spiraling magic took up his vision and the world started twisting around him.
This was making him so nauseous.
