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14x11 and 14x12: Epic Bookends

Found this in drafts and I thought I’d post it. Interesting how the breaking of the codependency has been pulled on with ever increasing sincerity since 13x20. In 15x05 it was a stark thread running through the episode and no, I do not believe the answer to how best to break it is through one brother killing the other. I mean, seriously tut, Chuck, tut. :)

TFW are going through a bit of a tough time, aren’t they? Poor men. Isn’t it glorious? Okay, don’t get me wrong, I feel for them, but all the things that this tough time might be setting up for is making me want to shimmy-shake.

Firstly, I’d like to outline my view of Dean and how I see him relating himself to Sam this season, because these bookends are all about commenting on the breaking codependency.

The codependency, to my mind, was cracked down the middle in 13x20, in that final scene, where Dean realises what his view on life, and family, has meant for Sam’s view on life and family -->

This view is not what Dean wants for Sam. This attitude of them being so closely tied to one another that whatever happens to one of them, happens to both of them, is unhealthy, and Dean’s eyes finally opened to this fact as he, through Sam’s statement, realised exactly how toxic his influence has been on Sam, and it lent him an important tool to begin digging into the self-reflection that’s been going on this season.

Because why has his influence been toxic? Where does this toxicity stem from? Having his behaviour marked as an actual threat to Sam was the needed push for Dean to gain new self-perspective, and through it, grow actually aware of his shadow.

(which is, of course, why he very soon after comes face to face with Michael, who represents Dean’s shadow, just as the Empty represents Cas’ shadow)

Now, Dean has absolutely struggled with Sam’s newfound independence as Chief of their tribe, but he’s also very much accepted Sam taking the lead, and supported it. This whole season, he’s been trying to let go.

Let go of his old view of who he’s been told he has to be, let go of the past, let go of how he’s always leaned on Protect Sammy as his core motto.

Now, Sam is a good leader and he’s proven that this season. He’s moved into that role very aware that Dean might object to it, but he’s stood his ground and hasn’t simply handed over the cape, as it were, to Dean. However, Sam has also struggled with his newfound role, battling with his own search for the answers to who he is and who he wants to be.

Questions he won’t be able to answer properly until the codependency is over and done with, because Dean’s need of him over the years has become such a defining part of how Sam understands his place in the world, and what his purpose is, that Sam doesn’t know who he is without it.

But through Dean being possessed and taken away, Sam was given the necessary foundation to remember his own independence, and he was given a clean motivation to step into the leader shoes as it was wholly tied to getting Dean back. It removed the fear of what it would mean (and the thought that it’s easier to follow than to lead) and gave Sam purpose, which makes any situation easier to face.

He’s the born leader. We’ve gotten to see that this season. Sam has gotten to feel and experience what it’s like to lead this season. It’s a position he should embrace without fear or hesitation, but the hesitation is there, stemming from the fear in not entirely trusting himself yet.

None of these men entirely trust themselves yet, I would venture to say.

But what we’ve been given in these last couple of episodes make me feel perhaps overly positive that they will learn how to, possibly soon, and once they dare trust in themselves, because they know who they are and who they want to be, then they can all answer the question What Do I Want?

Yeah? Everything that’s happening in the narrative right now is pushing for this, to my mind. So. Let’s look at the bookends and I’ll explain why this might all be setting up for questions being answered.

14x11

1. Dean’s Got a Plan

So we get Dean packing a duffel with tools he’ll need for something unknown. He’s clearly determined and focused. (and looks like there’ll be welding) (and oh boy will there be)

He then steps out of the room and gives us a look down the hall -->

If that expression he’s wearing isn’t resignation, then I don’t know what is. It’s like he’s considering, just for a moment, to go see Cas one last time, but thinks better of it, because there’s no telling where that might lead, and he can’t afford distractions.

So, then.

Off he goes to see his brother, and here’s where things begin to take a turn for the highly interesting to me, because my first impression of this scene and how it plays out is this: in Dean’s behaviour is a clear cry for help.

I’ll dig into why I think that, bear with me, but it’s a cry that ripples into 14x12. (and it’s loud)

2. Take Care, Sammy

Oh, this scene. It’s about their relationship and how they now relate to their relationship differently.

Sam tells Dean that of course he’s trying to help, to find another way. Always. And asks if Dean’ll hop in, help out. Old patterns.

Dean’s grateful, but hesitant, breaking the news gently of how he wants to go on the road, and, for me, very much giving Sam a gentle nudge away from their old patterns into their individual new patterns by telling Sam that he wants to go have alone time with Mary.

This is all good, except for how it’s covering up the hidden agenda of self-sacrifice.

Dean’s self-destructive behaviour this time around is based in self-blame. He let Michael in, he said yes, all of this is on him, he should be the one to pay for his mistakes. Billie tells him this is the only way and, because he’s already been thinking it, it makes sense. It confirms what he already believes is the right thing. That’s the coolly logical side of his brain, right?

But here’s what I think: Dean consciously believes in what his logical brain is telling him, and that there’s no other way, but even so, he sincerely does not want to do this alone. Subconsciously, I believe it goes even deeper, into where he absolutely doesn’t want to do this, but his self-blame makes it impossible for him to outright ask for help.

How can he put that on the people he loves?

Surface level, consciously, he’s still crying out for a support network, because he doesn’t want to go to his death by himself.

Deeper level, subconsciously, what he truly needs is for that support network to step in and tell him he’s wrong, to take some of the weight off, to be a part of the decision making process, so that it’s not all on him if it goes south.

Because risking it going south through making bad choices by himself means he’d rather choose the safety of the Mal’Akh box.

So, then. He cannot ask the people he cares about to simply stand by and watch him go through with Billie’s plan, but what he truly needs, on a conscious and subconscious level, is their support.

Here’s where this Help Me, Save Me From Myself subtext comes into play, because when Sam says -->

Dean’s expression becomes pained hesitation as he looks like he’s considering actually letting the cat out of the bag -->

--> again because what he really needs is Sam’s support in this, not just sneaking out without even telling him the truth.

But he simply cannot tell Sam what he’s about to do due to those old patterns, feeling guilt and fear in equal measure: guilt that he would have to ask Sam to assist in his death, fear that Sam might turn around and refuse and fall back on those old patterns, and Dean sees all the dangers in having anyone change his mind and balks at the mere idea.

But that support, though. That need for support is still real. And that deeper-level Fuck Someone Needs To Step In And Stop Me Because I Can’t See Any Way to Stop Myself.

Because of his awareness of his old patterns with Sam, and because of how he’s not entirely convinced Sam has broken free of them, he’s worried about the impact Sam learning of his decision will have, so what Dean has to do is make it Sam’s choices leading Sam to understand what’s going down.

Tiny bit manipulative, absolutely, but necessarily so.

And, honestly, the way the episode is set up, it even feels like Dean doesn’t want Sam to find out before he’s built the box, so that he has it to show for himself, proving that this thing that’s supposedly impossible to build, is possible to build. Billie came through with the blueprints. And if she came through on that, then why shouldn’t she be right about everything else?

Yeah?

So, what does he do, then?

He gives the first real sign that something is truly wrong.

I say he does it in the hopes that Sam will pick up on it and act on it -->

I mean, the dialogue alone! If that’s not cause for concern, then Sam has not been through hell and more with his big brother. But he has. So there is real cause. And Sam immediately highlights it to anyone not noticing it by putting it in dialogue when he calls Mary, telling her all about how worried he is and what them hugging stands for.

Things are really bad, indeed.

We get Dean’s needed support network shown being just as concerned as they should be, picking up on his signals along the way. The most glaring one, of course, being Dean choosing to build the Mal’Akh box in the near proximity of his clever, inquisitive hunter mother.

This is not someone who wants his activities to go unnoticed. Seriously.

3. Mal’Akh

The emotional threads that are set up in the opening are then tied up in the closing, which has a precursor in Mary telling Dean off for keeping his decision from Sam, and where she takes responsibility on herself for Sam learning the truth, because if Dean doesn’t tell him - she will.

The relief!! ^^^

Where we open on images of Dean packing up the tools needed to literally put himself in a box (I mean I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: what I see here is a commentary on what societal pressure does to you and it makes my heart sing) (little boxes on the hillside), we now land in the image of that box being completed -->

Nice. Visual. Bookend. MH!

The packing up of the tools that led into the Take Care, Sammy exchange brings us into finishing the episode with this bookend exchange between the brothers, and it is lovely.

And so is the dialogue, because Dean lays it all on the table, and the biggest callback to the opening scene is this:

Dean: I didn’t have a choice. Sam, you’re the last person I could tell, the last person I could be around, because you’re the only one who could talk me out of it. And I won’t be talked out of it. I won’t. I’m doing this. Now, you can either let me do it alone, or you could help me. But I’m doing this.

Dean’s gentle nudging from the opening scene now becomes a statement.

His testing of Sam letting him go off on this road trip, to have some alone time with mom, becomes Dean, not in so many words, calling out their pattern of interference.

He’s not stating it, but the subtext here is: the codependent guilt-tripping is unhealthy and I can’t have you using it to emotionally manipulate me out of my duty.

He even further makes the case for himself by first giving Sam no way around the stakes here: according to the all-seeing Billie - aka Death - the only way to beat Michael and save the world is if Dean does exactly this.

So he will not be talked out of it.

And he doesn’t need to be dropped to the bottom of the ocean with Sam’s refusal to understand and the guilt that would produce weighing on him.

He phrases it so delicately when he says Now, you can either let me do it alone, or you could help me.

See, he makes that request now, because he’s finally in a good position, where it’s not about their codependent behaviour, but rather about breaking it. He’s asking Sam for his help, for his support, plain and simple.

Now, as I said, I think that Dean believes, consciously, he has to do this, right? So he’s pushing through and is underlining how talking him out of it - or even trying to - is not gonna fly.

But, oh, man, remember subconsciously? Yeah. Deep down, somewhere that he’s not even consciously aware of, because this side to him - the side that wants to live - has been too deeply repressed, but this subconscious side to him does not want to do this, and I’d go so far as to say that this side to him is actually hoping for the intervention that is laid on him in 14x12.

So, let’s press on -->

14x12

--> with two pieces of dialogue.

We get the opening of this episode being all to do with Dean’s fear. He’s having a nightmare of being at the bottom of the ocean, the box is about to start taking in water, once it fills - his body will die, which means Michael will get free of the freezer and will revive him, right? And that’s what Sam is about to hit on, clarifying Dean’s fear in dialogue. But, of course, there’s so much more.

Let’s look closer at the First Exchange -->

Dean: It’s just—... Bad dream. It’s fine. Sam: You wanna talk about it? Dean: No, I’m okay. What’re you doing? You should get some sleep. Sam: You know, Dean, you don’t have to act like what you’re planning to do is just business as usual. I know you’re scared. Dean: Never said I wasn’t scared. But it doesn’t matter. Sam: Doesn’t matter? Dean, we know we could die - doing what we do it’s always a possibility - but what you’re talking about is far worse than death. Michael’s an archangel. He could, literally, keep you buried in a coffin, alive, forever. Dean: Okay. I get it. But what’s the other option, huh? Michael gets out of my head and ends the world? ‘Cause it’s all right there in Billie’s book. Sam: Yeah, but that’s only if we don’t find another way to take Michael off the board and there has to be another way. Dean: And what is that other way? Exactly.

This first piece of dialogue is so important for setting up the emotional journey for both brothers this episode.

Sam knows exactly what this plan means for Dean. More than that, he knows Dean’s scared. Sam’s scared for him. This whole thing is crazy. It’s not run-of-the-mill, it’s not their normal gig, it’s enormous and overwhelming and horrifying. It’s the possible end of the world, as Dean points out.

And Dean can’t talk about this stuff with Sam, because he doesn’t want to put that burden on his brother. He never has. Because Sam’s more than just a brother, he’s a son, he’s Dean’s charge, his responsibility, and he’s always protected him, so Dean’s not going to weaken in his resolve.

But this entire episode is about weakening his resolve, and even more it’s about showing us exactly what Dean needs for his resolve to weaken.

Which, very quickly, is stated to be Cas and Sam intervening. Cas being imperative, which is why it’s so important that he actually show’s up in person at the hospital.

Aw, it’s so purdy!!

But this is about the codependency, so I’m putting Cas somewhere on the sideline for this post. *sorry Cas* *you’re very important* *never doubt*

Here’s the Second Exchange -->

Dean: Where’s the party? Sam: It’s right here. I mean, we’re celebrating, right? Dean: Okay. Sam: But not too much! Tomorrow morning we’re back on track. No rest for the self-destructive. Dean: Well, I will call this a win. Kinda nice - going out on a high. Sam: Going out being the operative phrase. Dean: I’m sorry. Sam: “Sorry.” How sorry are you? Sorry that you plan to keep Donatello alive, but when it comes to you you just throw in the towel? Or are you sorry that after all these years, our entire lives, after I’ve looked up to you, after I’ve learned form you, I’ve copied you, I followed you to Hell and back, are you sorry that all of that, it means nothing now. Dean: Who’s saying that? Sam: You are. I mean, you’re telling me I have to kill you. I mean, you’re telling me that I have to just throw away everything we stand for. Throw away faith. Throw away family. We’re the guys who save the world, we don’t just check out of it. Dean: Sam, I have tried everything. Everything. I got one card left to play, and I have to play it. Sam: You have one card today, but we’ll find another tomorrow, but if you quit on us today, there will be no tomorrow. You tell me you don’t know what else to do, I don’t either, Dean, not yet, but what you’re doing now, it’s wrong. It’s quitting! I mean, look what just happened. Donatello never quit fighting so we could help him because he never gave up. I believe in us, Dean. I believe in us! Why don’t you believe in us too? Dean: Okay, Sam. Let’s go home. Sam: What? Dean: Let’s go home. Maybe Billie’s wrong. Maybe. But I do believe in us. (Cas exits, joins them) I believe in all of us. And I’ll keep believing until I can’t. Until there’s absolutely no other way. But when that day comes— if that day comes, Sam, you have to take it for what it is: the end. And you have to promise me that you’ll do then what you can’t do now, and that’s let me go. And put me in that box. (to Cas) You too. Alright, you heard me, let’s go home. Don’t hit me again, okay?

There’s so much here. This is the culmination of these past two episodes, with Sam’s need to have this confrontation, to feel like Dean believes in them, in him, being reflected in so many moments that’s come before throughout the series, where Sam’s let Dean dictate the conditions of their communication, or draw a line for when and how he feels ready to open up to Sam prodding him.

Sam very nearly manages what he sets out to do here, too - wake Dean from his fatalistic attitude - but he doesn’t quite get through (unless it’s pushed further faster than how it’s setup here, of course) because Dean is very, very far gone at this point, and he relents to Sam because what else can he do.

Only lookit, because beauty:

everything set up in 14x11 with regards to Dean’s internal need is also brought to a culmination here

he has convinced himself that all he truly wants from his brother is his superficial support

but what he really needs is exactly this intervention - from both Sam and Cas - telling him that there will be another way, that he can’t give up

consciously Dean has convinced himself he has to go in that box, because he fears what confronting Michael will actually mean

subconsciously Dean doesn’t want to go in that box, because deep down he longs for a long and happy life and he understands the only way to get it is by confronting Michael

It’s the end of the world as we know it. (possibly)

As for the codependency, the moving away from it that we get from Dean, where there’s an undercurrent of awareness and him trying to break their well-worn pattern, is underlined by the final scene of 14x11.

But here, we get Sam doing exactly what Dean has tried so hard to avoid. We get Sam falling back in that same pattern, unable to let go. Jared’s delivery of that “Why don’t you believe in us too?” after grabbing Dean and holding onto him, for real, makes me cry every time I watch it. It’s so poignant. And it’s such a stark highlighter of what it is Sam truly needs in order to grow up and be his own person: to let go of Dean. (his father figure)

And Dean, he looks so defeated. He can’t possibly say no to Sam, and he feared this was where they’d end up, and he realises that Sam isn’t ready. But Dean knows that Sam will, most likely, need to ready himself.

And here’s the zinger - even if Dean doesn’t end up in that box, this is still possibly and hopefully an important direction marker for Sam for the rest of the season.

Where do we want Sam to end up? We want him to be able to let Dean go, we want him to stand on his own two feet, strong in his own identity, one that’s completely separated from Dean.

This doesn't mean they won’t be brothers who love each other very much and work together, it just means that Sam’s fear of what it means for Dean to be gone will be removed, because Sam will know who he is without Dean, and, more importantly, who he wants to be.

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