#spn 14x11

[novakstogive]

"Do you realise how messed up that is? How unfair that is?" SUPERNATURAL 14.11 — "Damaged Goods"

[wncestnoir]

alright, so in 14.11, dean straight-up says to sam you're the only one who could ever talk me out of throwing myself into the ocean and then in 14.12??? sam takes that as a personal challenge. he literally clocks dean in the face, immediately follows it up with the most desperate hug of his life, and then just full-on sobs into his shoulder.

and what does dean do? this man malfunctions. just completely blue-screens. one second, he’s dead-set on locking himself away forever to save the world, and the next he’s like, "damn, guess i can’t do this after all. my brother got sad. time to risk total annihilation instead."

like, SIR??? you were so committed five minutes ago! but now one (1) single brotherly breakdown later, you’re ready to throw away the entire plan??? the dramatics. the codependency. the sheer winchester-ness of it all. i cannot with these two.

[lazarrusrising]

There's something about Dean being surrounded by posters of shirtless guys while he builds himself a torture closet or whatever

[shallowseeker]

i wish there was more meta on the fact that dean was Clearly and actively suicidal during moriah. like he was in such a crisis mode thinking he had caused jack to lose his soul (and therefore caused mary's death), was resigned to the fact that he'd have to be a killer and kill his own son, was drinking a Lot and cornering himself before leaving to do it, heard about the equalizer killing the person who shot the gun and volunteered to be the one to die. i think there's just some juicy stuff there

Ah. Yes.

He loses his self.

MICHAEL: "I own you."

///

He loses Jack.

DEAN: "How could you ever, ever let anyone go through what you went through? The pain of losing a kid? "

///

He chokes in battle with the spear.

MICHAEL: "To break him, to crush and disappoint him so completely that, this time, he'll be nice and quiet for a change -- buried. And he is. He's gone."

///

He builds himself a coffin.

Billie convinces him to build a Ma'lack box for himself. He resolves to keep his suicide a secret.

DEAN: "Okay, well, yeah, that’s because I’m not good with the whole big goodbyes, alright? I-I-I don’t need to get shaky on this thing."

///

He chokes again.

The combined efforts of Mary, Sam, and Cas convince Dean to hang on, but he fails.

AW hunters die. Rowena Tries to Take on What Dean Couldn't, then SUFFERS and almost dies

And finally. Jack Takes on What He Couldn't.

MICHAEL: "If only Dean had used that coffin when he had the chance."

///

He was in the bargaining phase of grief.

Hopeful, but talking to Jack sideways, through euphemisms about the "snake" needing to eat. (People with souls eat. He's relieved when Jack opens a packages and hopes so so hard, Jack will eat too.)

DEAN: "Well, anyway, you and the, uh, snake want to go for a little dri-ive?"

///

He knows something's up with Cas missing family game night.

It gets a partnership betrayal motif, more on the nose than even the shady financey-business dealings codings of past: "giving a woman jewelry."

MARY (startled at Dean's shout): What— JACK: I thought this was supposed to relax him.

///

He ignores his gut about Jack interrogating Nick.

DEAN: "What do you mean, 'I mean?' [No! He's always a threat!]"

///

Sam almost dies.

DEAN: He got him in the head. I don't even want to move him. 

///

Mary dies.

At first, he expresses worry for Jack primarily bc of Nick-as-threat, and he's "sure that Jack is safe with Mary."

DEAN: Dean: I did it, too. When I talked to Donatello about Jack, he said he was good as far as he could tell. But then he talked about how powerful Jack was and that he could never really be sure. And it was a warning. I just couldn't see it.

///

Jack expresses no remorse, and that's when Dean is sure His Jack is dead too.

JACK: She kept talking about my soul, t-that I didn't have a soul, and she kept pushing. [...]  I didn't want this no-soul thing to become an issue between us. I guess I snapped. Before I knew it, it was all over.

///

So, Jack climbs into the coffin Dean originally built for himself.

DEAN: "I wish I could forget about him! After what he did?"

I'm sure it's on his mind, how Jack is dead in spirit because he choked re: Michael over and over. Jack took that on, and now he's inheriting Dean's coffin, too.

///

It's the least Dean can do, really.

To be the one to do it. To join him.

CHUCK: So, this doesn't so much fire bullets as it sends a wave of multi-dimensional energy across a perfectly balanced quantum link between whoever's shooting it and whoever they're shooting at. Uh, whatever happens to the person you're aiming at also happens to you. So you kill him... DEAN: (clicks the magazine into the gun) You die [too].

The future is already gone.

[watching-spn]

dean wants to lock himself into that box with michael and sam is freaking out and telling him he's insane because he wants to "lock himself up with michael for eternity" but guys. sam. this is literally what your other (half)brother is doing. why has nobody in all these seasons mentioned that?? i mean yeah adam let michael use him as a vessel so it was his choice, but still, he's been in the fucking cage with an archangel all this time and nobody seems to give a fuck. you can't be all about family and let your half brother rot right??

[uh-ohspaghettio]

No one has given me yet a reason why there’s a poster of a shirtless guy in the workshop Dean makes the malak box

[angelsdean]

hot take maybe but actually i do expect my mom to comfort me and make me an ice cream sundae when i’m sad even when i get to 40 and she’s 70. my grandma does that for her still. it’s not. limiting her. it’s not saying she only has to be my mommy. i have taken care of her too. it’s saying we love each other and want to take care of each other. mary struggling to be able to interact with grown up sam and dean was very very valid and understandable and i love her for it. she also could’ve maybe tried a little more anyway. they could’ve lent on each other. idk.

Yea i've said before that I think it's a bit outrageous the way people seem to think someone stops being a parent once their child reaches adulthood. Maybe it's a cultural thing, I don't know, but the whole idea of "once your kid turns 18 they're out the door and not your problem anymore" is so deeply flawed IMO. But yea I focus more on "debunking" the claim that Dean expects some sort of motherly coddling / babying from Mary because that seems to be the deancrit take I see the most with regards to this arc / the "i'm not just a mom" scene.

But for sure many people seem to have some weird ideas IMO about what it means to be a parent. Like I think you can feel for Mary and understand that parents can and are more than just parents, but also understand that they will never stop BEING a parent either. Their kids will always be their kids. It's why people always say being a parent is a full time job, not something to go into lightly, that you should be sure you actually want kids and understand that having them is a lifelong commitment etc etc. And having kids makes them become your priority, even when you want to be selfish you always have to try to put them first. Obviously that lessens as they grow up but like, if your adult child were injured or had some kind of health issue / challenges as a parent it's still your job to be there for them, to support them, to care for them. That doesn't just end at 18. It's why *I* know that even though I like the idea of kids I probably never will have any because it's so much responsibility and because those kids are always always going to come first, forever! That's kind of part of the parental "contract" IMO. And even when they're adults, a parent should still be the one person in the world your kid can turn to, rely on, seek comfort in.

And I understand these expectations are complicated in this particular narrative by the fact that Mary died young and is not equipped to be a mother to adults. I think that's such a delicious component that I wish they leaned into more. She is grieving her babies. She is allowed to feel those feelings and feel confused and unsure and struggle with accepting this new dynamic with her children. But a big part of Mary's arc in s12, which culminates in 12x22 with "I need you to see me" is that she is the one stuck in the past, needing to accept her reality and "SEE" her children for who they are now. That's what the arc is moving towards, that acceptance. And after s12 we see her and Dean have a better relationship. We see her still getting to be Mary the person AND Mary the "mom." She hunts, she comes and goes, but she's someone Dean can talk to, share a meal with, spend time together. It's what he always wanted most. He tells her in 14x11 that "just knowing you're around, that you're alive has meant everything to me."

Anyways, I won't ramble about all that again because I've made a bunch of posts about it already. But yes, I think it's normal for Dean (and Sam) to want Mary to comfort them, do nice things for them, the way any parent or really a family member in general might do. They are not asking for kisses on their boo-boos and getting tucked into bed with a bedtime story, which is how a lot of deancrit posts read. What they want is some sort of familial reciprocal care. Like the way Dean spends quality time with those he loves. The way he baked a cake for Jack. Cooks for his family. The way he gives people gifts. The way he fixes Cas's truck. The way he calls to check in on people. He doesn't do these things out of some obligation or playing some "role", he does them because he cares. Because he loves his family, and that's just what family does for each other.

Someone in my tags last night said it very well that what Dean really wanted was just, another family member, to spend time with, to share their joys and burdens with. Someone like Bobby, that he could turn to if he needed. Bobby was a parent figure but he wasn't "parenting" them, y'know? He was someone Dean could lean on, but he didn't expect Bobby to shoulder all his burdens. And I think that's what Dean wants most. Just someone he can lean on and rely on, since he's been having to be the strong one for everyone his whole life.

[shirtlesssammy]

Dean Winchester every day -- 297/326

Supernatural 14x11//Damaged Goods