prompts: “Who needs ______? I found two new men to love. And their names are Ben and Jerry.”
summary: you love tom, he loves you, but none of you find the courage to confess your feelings
words count: 2,795
a/n: this is for @lovestrucktom & @peeterparkr rom-coms writing challenge!
not my gif
The first time you met Tom, it was at a party, you went with Harrison who invited you. Tom arrived disguised as Spider-Man, which made everyone laugh as he was the only one to wear a disguise. When he removed his mask, he had a big smile on his face, back then you thought he was cute. Not just physically, even though physically he was really cute, but it was cute that he looked so happy to be Spider-Man.
The second time was at Haz's parents's house one year later. They had organized a barbecue and he had obviously invited you. It was the second time you saw Tom, you didn’t really remember that you had met him before, but that day, he couldn’t stop telling jokes that made everyone laugh, including you.
But the third time, it was as if you had really seen him for the first time. Once again, he had a big smile, lighting up his whole face.
Tom wanted to watch Spider-Man: Homecoming with some friends, as usual, Haz invited you, there was the casting of Spider-Man, some of his friends, that you recognized because they were also friends with Haz.
When Tom opened the door, his beautiful smile was the first thing you saw, you stood still for a few seconds, not moving, until Haz elbowed you, laughing, before entering his best friend home. And as if you and Tom had always been friends, he took you in his arms, surrounding your shoulders with his arms, he kissed you on the cheek. For him it probably only lasted a few seconds, but for you, it lastest for hours. He smelled so good, and when his lips touched your cheek, you forgot how to breathe.
You don’t really remember this evening because you spent it watching him, your eyes filled with love. Maybe that's what people call love at first sight, or in your case, love at third sight.
You were sitting between him and Haz on the couch, he often spoke to say "be careful there is an important scene that's going to happens now," or small details about the movie, the actors, always smiling, and someone would tell him to shut up, this someone being Tuwaine or Haz. He would apologise, laughing, "okay, okay, sorry, I won't say anything anymore." but obviously, he spoke again and again and again during the whole movie.
You didn't mind through, you loved his voice and could have listened to him for hours and hours and like the first time you saw him, he had the same smile, the same passion for Spider-Man, even more since his dream came true.
You couldn't stop looking at him from the corner of your eye, every time he shifted a little, you couldn't stop yourself from holding your breath, or when his knee touched yours, or when he put his arm behind your head on the headboard's couch.
After that night, you saw each other more often, and quickly became friends and then best friends. You were almost always together or with Harrison and after a year you all moved in together.
Your attraction to him only became stronger. He was a handsome boy but it was not just that, his personality, how he acted, his kindness and so many other things. All of that made you fall more and more in love with him, obviously it's cliché, but we can’t control our feelings. it would be great if it was the case, because you wouldn’t have chosen to fall in love with him.
As every best friend does, he told you everything about all his dates, and you couldn’t help being a little jealous sometimes.
Girls after girls, dates after dates, he told you everything, well, not everything. Thanks god, because knowing and imagining what he was doing in bed with a girl would probably have killed you on the spot.
Tonight was no exception, he had a date with a girl he had met a few months ago. He talked a lot about her and even invited her to the apartment several times, so you and Haz could meet her.
It is true that she was pretty, even really very pretty, or gorgeous as Tom often said. The worst part being that she was nice, which made it hard to hate her.
Not only did Tom complimented her all the time, but the way he looked at her, as if she was the most beautiful thing in the universe, made you really sad, an ache in your chest, knowing that he would never look at you the same way.
That night, before leaving he kissed her tenderly, you looked elsewhere, you knew he loved her, but you didn’t have to endure that.
After he left, you went to get ice cream in the fridge and sat on the couch. Spending the evening watching rom-coms while eating ice cream and crying? Sounds good.
Well, it sounded good until Haz came back home, making a lot of noise.
You growled, "Haz, are you serious? Some people are trying to be depressed, please make less noise."
Haz chuckled as he let his body slid down on the couch, "another rom-coms?" he asked, looking at the television screen.
"Yes," you answered, sighing.
"You should get a boyfriend."
"Who needs a boyfriend? I found two new men to love. And their names are Ben and Jerry.” You said, taking a big spoon of your ice cream, turning towards him and eating it.
He laughed but after a few minutes his smile fell, "he's on a date?"
"Of course, he is." You said, rolling your eyes.
"You should tell him your feelings."
"I don't know what you're talking about." You said, taking one last big spoon of your ice cream.
"Y/N...you never know, maybe he could feel the same."
"I doubt it," you said, putting your now empty bowl on the coffee table and turned off the TV. "I will go to sleep." you kissed Haz's cheek before getting up and heading towards your bedroom “goodnight Haz.”
“Goodnight Y/N.”
Once in your bed you couldn’t help but think of Tom, his girlfriend, Haz’s words. Maybe you should talk to him about your feelings, maybe...but you'll never be able to tell him everything you feel for him face to face, so maybe a letter would be better.
You threw your sheet off your body and sat at your desk. You turned on your desk's lamp, you were so sad, you took a paper and a penci and started writing everything you felt, pouring your heart into it.
They say it's good to talk to someone when something is wrong, but you knew you would never have had the courage to tell him all of that, so a letter, a pen and words would be enough for today.
So you started writing, tears rolling down your cheeks.
After you finished writing it, you put it in one of the pockets of one of his hoodies that was in one of your drawer and went back to bed.
The weeks passed and then the months, eventually you met someone, it was going well, you weren’t crazy in love but it was perhaps better than nothing? And he was nice, and things were going well with him. He even invited you to the restaurant tonight.
While you were at the restaurant, Tom went into your room, to search a hoodie he gave you, well, one of the hoodies he gave you. He searched in your drawer, and when he finally found it, something fell from one of the pocket on the floor.
It was a piece of paper, a letter, with his name written on it, should he open it? Curiosity got the best of him and he sat on your bed, opening it, and started to read.
Dear Tommy,
I'm writing you this letter, although I know you'll never read it, and maybe it's better like that. I have so many things to say, and I repeated them so many times in my head, but now that I have to say them, I don't know where to start. As if I had forgotten everything, like when someone asks you what book(s) is/are you favorite(s) and you forget all the books you've ever read in your life.
Maybe if I'm lucky, one day you'll read this letter and we'll both laugh at it, or maybe it'll make you smile, or you'll be moved, or maybe you'll find that pathetic. We never know what the future holds.
Maybe what I am going to say is going to be cruel, or selfish, but sometimes I wish to have never met you. To not had have the chance, or others would say the bad luck to meet you. To be able to cuddle you, to know what smell you have, to kiss your cheeks, or to see your pretty face when you wake up, knowing that I will never be yours and that you will never be mine.
So it's true, we always want what we can’t have, maybe in several years I would have forgotten you, or maybe I’d still love you. I hope that it won’t be the case, because we say that the love that lasts the longest, is the one that isn’t mutual.
It would be really sad if I still love you, because maybe I would date other people, but they will never be you, so I would never love them as much as I love you.
And if I still love you when you get married, I know I'll be devastated, I'll be there that day. For you it'll be a wonderful day, but for me? It will be horrible, I know it's terrible to say that, normally, if we love someone, if we really love someone, we have to let them go, even if it means to see them being happy...happy with someone else, someone who isn’t you.
So that day I'll be there, listening to your vows, your declaration of love to the person who will share the rest of your life with you, I'll listen to it, wishing you were saying those words to me, whising I was the one making you smile like that, or being the one who's your heart would be beating for, but I'll just sit there. And it's okay if I'll cry that day. Because people cry at weddings, but I won't be crying for the same reasons, pretending that my heart isn't shattering in pieces when you will kiss each other, finally married.
Maybe you will get married with the girl you're currently dating, or maybe it's going to be with someone else, but I hope someday someone wwill love me as much as you'll like the person with whom you will spend the rest of your life because I know you will love this person more than anything.
I know it's not with you that I'm going to get married, or that I'll have children, and we're not going to get old together, like those old couples who always tease each other, even if we know very well that they love each other to the moon and back.
Maybe if the universe had been nicer, I would have been lucky to be that person. I hope that in an alternative universe, I am.
Even if I meet someone else, I know that a part of me will always love you. Because my heart belongs to you.because I look at you like you’re the reason why the sun rise in the morning and the reason why the stars shine at night, like they're singing and dancing for you and that your smile could light up a whole city, and your laugh could warm up the most empty heart
because maybe if the astral have been kinder to us
in another universe
we're dancing in our kitchen
singing to our favorite song
baking cookies at 1am
looking at you like you're my everything
telling you that i love you
and this time, you said it back.
sincerely yours Y/N xx
He let it sink in, the words sink in. You loved him? Why didn't you tell him all of that? Some things started to make sense, your reactions to certains things, the way you acted around him, like when he was with a girl. You should have told him of all of that, but at the same time, he didn't tell you that he loved you too. You were just two idiots.
You loved him, you loved him. Tom couldn't help but smile, a big smile appeared on his face. He heard your voice in the living room, indicating that you were back home. He left your bedroom in a hurry, the big smile still on his face, the letter in his hand.
He hurried into the living room, admiring you as you talked to Haz. You were as beautiful as the first time he saw you.
"Tom," you said turning to him, "guess what?!" You asked him a broad smile, eyes shining.
"What?" He asked.
You showed him your left hand, where a diamond ring rested on your fourth finger.
"Uh, that's beautiful, Maye a little expensive," he said with a chuckle, taking your hand in his, your hand was so soft and he couldn't help but give it a kiss.
"No, silly." You said laughing.
At the same time, your boyfriend entered the living room with a bottle of champagne and glasses.
Tom was confused, and you let go of his hand, he felt suddenly empty. You went towards your boyfriend, and kissed his cheek. Tom suddenly understood what you wanted to celebrate, but he refused to believe it was that.
He discovers that you love him and the same day he also discovers that you're going to get married with someone else? it can't be true, but it was.
Haz congratulated you, hugging you and your boyfriend, well, now your fiancé.
You turned to Tom, smiling, waiting for him to say something.
"Y/N" he started. "I ..." he swallowed the lump in is throat. I love you. "I'm happy for you." he finally said, it took everything he had in him to not cry when you wrapped your arms around him, he didn't moved, nor did he wrap his arms around you this time. He stayed still, stopping the tears from falling.
He didn’t speak to you about the letter, he put it back where he had found it, never talking to you about it. Maybe he should have.
He regretted not having the courage to tell you earlier that he loved you. If he did, it would be his ring on your finger and you would wear his last name. He could have kissed you and hugged you. Scream to the world that he was the luckiest man in the world.
How ironic, it was Tom who was sitting at your wedding, feeling like his heart was shattering in a thousand pieces, you were so beautiful in your wedding dress with some flowers in your hair.
He couldn’t help but fall a little more in love for you, if things had been different, if one of you had had the courage to tell the other how he felt, he might be the one who would be in front of you and tell you his vows right now.
Instead, he listened to you, telling your vows to your future husband, not knowing that you had written them thinking of him.
The priest asked your fiancé first,
"Do you Y/F/N, take Y/N Y/L/N to be your wife, to cherish in friendship and love today, tomorrow, and for as long as the two of you live, to trust and honor her, to love her faithfully, through the best and the worst, whatever may come, and if you should ever doubt, to remember your love for each other and the reason why you came together with her this day?"
"Yes, I do." He said, grinning, holding firmly your hands in his.
And now it was your turn, “do you, Y/N Y/L/N take Y/F/N to be your husband, to cherish in friendship and love today, tomorrow and for as long as the two of you live, to trust and honor him, to love him faithfully, through the best and the worst, whatever may come, and if you should ever doubt, to remember your love for each other and the reason why you came together with him this day?”
That's it. Tom thought, he took a deep breath. Not ready, he felt like shit, he probably looked like shit.
You started sweating, "Y/N," you fiancé whispered after a few seconds of silence, squeezing your hands.
You looked at Tom from the corner of your eye who was sitting next to Haz, he looked like a sad puppy, why did he looked so sad?
It wasn't right to marry a guy you didn't loved, you couldn't do it. You knew it was Tom that you loved, even if he didn't loved you, you couldn't marry someone you didn't loved, because he deserved to marry someone who really loved him, and before you knew it, the word escaped your mouth.
Summary: He said maybe someday. When is “someday”?
A/N: Apparently, I have no idea how to keep a one-shot under 5k words now. But this is for @lovestrucktom and @peeterparkr ‘s writing challenge!! Prompt is bolded! Lemme know what you think!! Masterlist in bio!!
You watched on, your legs hanging on either side of your board, lightly swaying in the water as Tom road out another wave. Tom’s sight was set in front of him, watching both ahead of him and catching glimpses of the front of his board and the water beneath him. A pretty and peaceful smile graces his face, showing this is the happiest place in the world to him.
“You’re staring.” Harrison mocks, flicking some water up to as he’s sat on his own board beside you.
“Isn’t that like....our job?” You quip with a light laugh. “We watch and criticize him.”
Harrison laughs softly, watching Tom put his arms up in satisfaction before falling away from his board and into the water. “Guess so, yeah.”
“I’ma give him a four.” You state watching as Tom resurfaces, his hand coming up first before his head, shaking the water from his hair.
“What?” Harrison questions, almost offended. “Worth at least a seven.”
“Are we watching the same person? And you have to go hard on him. He competes tomorrow.” You point out, looking between Tom and Harrison.
“Four’s a little rough.” Harrison tilts his head slightly, one eye softly narrowing.
“Tough love.” You laugh, turning your head towards Harrison who’s shaking his head, but a smile pulls at his lips.
It’s become a routine, a tradition of sorts. The day before Tom competes, the three of you go to the water and spend a solid portion of the day surfing so long as the weather and water permits it. This means Tom can get that extra day in with you and Harrison judging him. He trusts the two of you not to go easy on him. And sure, it’ll be different just as every competition is since it’s unpredictable but the practice on the water and having to be judged by his stance and maneuvers and the waves he catches, everything. It’s good preparation.
Tom paddles over to the two of you, sitting up on his board once he reaches the side of you. “Well?”
“Four.” You deadpan.
“Four!?” Tom’s face scrunches and he gestures a hand out, water flinging from his fingertips. “What do you mean four?”
“Four.” You state but a smirk pulls at your lips. “You can do better.”
Tom narrows his eyes at you before looking to Harrison for anything other than a four. Tom isn’t the sore loser type but he knows full and well the wave he caught was not worth a four. Harrison glances between the two of you and truthfully, Harrison wasn’t paying all the much attention. So, who’s he to judge but he knows whatever he missed wasn’t just a four.
“Sorry, mate.” Harrison looks to you. “I’d say seven.”
“Thank you!” Tom yells, looking back to you. “Fuckin’ four.”
“You asked!” You defend.
“You’re just being mean today.” Tom states but he’s gaining a sly grin.
“Tom.” You hold out a hand to him. “You don’t you touch me.”
Tom’s grin grows before he pushes you off your board, you just missing Harrison. Your head goes underwater only to come right back up and you glare at the now laughing brunette with crinkled eyes.
“Uncalled for.” You mutter, putting your arms on your board, looking up to him.
“Just like your score.” Tom teases.
“Give me a hand, would you?” You stick out a hand and Tom knows you’re just going to pull him back in.
“Nah, I’m good.” Tom shakes his head. Your face falls, your eyes slitting at him while your legs kick softly under you. “Well, I’ve another wave to catch.” Tom smirks, winking at you before he starts turning himself around and heading back from where he came.
Harrison offers a hand to you and you grip his hand. “You two have a weird way of flirting.” Harrison says and you pause to glare at him before yanking him into the water with you.
Harrison splashes you and you splash him back, the both of you groaning and laughing with every bit of water that hits your faces. But, the splashing only lasts a few seconds when the two of you hear the crash of a wave and see Tom fall right into the water. You both grab onto your boards, kicking the water beneath you and watching for him to resurface, your heart in your stomach as seconds pass. And then he resurfaces, air coming into your lungs once more. Tom shakes his head, water flinging from the ends of his hair before he gets back onto his board, and gets ready for the next wave, unbothered by his wipe out.
Harrison looks over his shoulder and sends you a half-cocked grin before getting onto his board, you following right after onto your own.
“Is it flirting if we have no intentions on getting together?” You pick up where the conversation left off, your attention on Harrison who shakes his head.
“Dunno,” Harrison shrugs, his rash guard just barely crinkling over his shoulder with the movement. “You both still on that?”
You tilt your head and look back to the open water where Tom is waiting and watching. “Yeah…”
“How do you do it?” Harrison asks, not moving his stare from you. “You shouldn’t wait for him. You’re better than that.”
“Nah,” You chuckle, ignoring the first part of his question.
You’re not really sure how you do it so how are you supposed to answer that? It’s not easy sometimes. Sometimes it hurts to see Tom’s smile so bright and happy, a lightness in his dark eyes with every boyish laugh that leaves his lips. Wanting him, being in love with him, but not being able to do anything about it hurts and it’s not easy.
“I’m not.” You let out a half-hearted sigh with the shrug of one shoulder. “I know when Tom says maybe someday, that means never. He’ll never be ready, not when sponsors keep wanting him. It’s his life, ya know?”
Harrison nods. “Yeah, just make sure you're happy, alright? You like him and he likes you but….you’re right.” Harrison pauses, his eyes on the water.
“I know.” The smile decorating your face is sad, completely opposite it was just a few minutes prior.
“I mean,” Harrison starts again. “He wants to be with you, ya know? He’ll be ready eventually but as your friend, don’t want you waiting around for him.” Harrison says, looking back to you.
You nod softly. “I know.” You repeat, voice quiet. “Tom wouldn’t have told me that if he didn’t believe there was a someday.” You look back to the water, looking at Tom, blue rash guard covering his torso.
Maybe someday.
There was a bonfire being had on the beach. Music, food, non-alcoholic drinks, night surfing, a party right on the beach so of course, you, Tom, and Harrison were happy to go with a few other friends and Tom’s brothers. You’d always attended the beach bonfires as long as you’ve been able to and this time was no different. At first anyway.
The three of you had headed out to the waters for awhile, catching a few waves here and there until you decided to come in for food. Harrison had gone off with Tom’s brothers and you and Tom ended up by the fire, Tom’s arm wrapped around your shoulder to keep you close and warm as you two were drying off. You shared s’mores and Tom’s cheeks tinted red while your cheeks ached from smiling.
It really wasn’t anything unusual, you both knew somewhere in the pits of your stomachs that there was something budding there. It was stolen glances across bar tables and the way you seemed to grow closer physically. Him falling asleep on your chest during movie nights while you ran your hand through his hair and his arm usually wrapped around your waist or shoulder, your head leaned on his shoulder. Somewhere along the way of being friends, that line started to blur. Not enough to do anything more than fall asleep on each other or hold each other’s hand on occasion, something you did every now and then with Harrison. It was just something, somewhere, you both felt this budding and this night was like little roses of feelings were finally blossoming.
And it was like things were really gonna come out this one night and were going to become something. Something was going to happen between the two of you as you were fully dry, you were in Tom’s hoodie and the two of you had ventured along the shoreline, away from everyone else. Silence had fallen between the two of you and one minute you’re side-by-side and the next you’re facing each other with foreheads touching and lips brushing together. It was something, but then Tom pulled away.
His eyes were sad and he promised there was something there and you promised the same things, questioning what the problem was. And it was surfing. He needed to focus on it, gaining sponsors and traveling. This is his dream. He can’t do a relationship and risk putting his focus on you rather than the thing he’s been striving for for most of his life and he swore he’d never give you anything less than a relationship that’s equal.
Tom told you deserved better than someone who couldn’t give you 100%. And you understood because you know surfing is his life and you’d never make him choose between the two. He’s been open about not wanting relationships so he can focus on his career and his passion, of course, it wouldn’t be different with you. You understood even though it hurt. But, then Tom pressed his forehead back to yours, eyes meeting yours and he whispered “maybe someday” and the two of you lingered there in the shadow of what could be and what might be someday.
Now, it’s been a few months and every once in awhile, you and Tom find yourselves lost in a moment where he’s not focused on surfing and you’re not wrapped up in your own life and there’s this single moment where “maybe someday” might actually be a day and not some false hope. But. that moment fades. Every time it fades leaving a sour taste in your mouth and Tom’s. Someday might as well mean never but that doesn’t mean your feelings have changed or Tom’s. Just bad timing.
Your mind is pulled from your thoughts as you and Harrison see Tom stand up on his board, riding out another wave, this time the snaps of his board are harder, his stance is steady, and he’s completely unwavered. The same glee-filled smile covers his face as he falls back into the water, arms out to his sides and all you and Harrison can do is shake your heads with proud smiles, cheering from your distance away from him
“Still giving him a four?” Harrison asks, still clapping as he looks to you
“Maybe I’ll give him a seven.” You quip, making Harrison laugh.
The day comes to a close and it’s time to head home. Harrison had work and he had left hours prior, leaving just you and Tom. And now he’s the one taking you home, you sitting passenger and him driving with you one hand lightly gripping the steering wheel towards the stop and the other hand holding it towards the bottom.
Tom’s music plays quietly with the short drive to your own home but you catch his fingers and thumb tapping against the wheel not to the beat of the music. His tapping is rapid but quietly, nervous. His eyes are trained on the road, brows just barely knitted together while his mouth is pressed into a straight line. Without even saying anything, it’s blatantly obvious he’s nervous for the competition tomorrow.
He plays confident and overall he is. Tom knows he’s good, he wouldn’t be where he is if he weren’t but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t get nervous for competitions. It’s still his life. It’s still his career. There are still other sponsors he’d like to have. Surfing isn’t safe, either. There’s that chance something could go wrong out in the waters. It happens. But, he has to push away all of those nerves the second his foot touches the water. Those nerves will weigh him down and his legs will grow shaky and he’ll never even be able to stand on his board, let alone ride out a wave.
You lean over and tap the hand at the top of the steering wheel, gaining Tom’s attention. He only glances at you for a split second with brows raised to show he was listening but you don’t say anything. You open tap his hand again and open yours, him seeing the gesture from his peripheral vision and the most tender smile pulls at the corners of his lips.
Tom removes his hand from the steering wheel, readjusting the hand at the bottom to have a better grip and he slots his fingers between yours, resting your arms on the center console. You thumb rubs the back of his hand and the gesture alone is enough to get his nerves to calm.
He glances back at you once more with soft and gentle eyes before looking back to the road and your hair is tangled from the salt water. And he swears up and down you’re the most beautiful person he’s ever seen and there’s always something about you, about how you just know what to do when he’s nervous, that can calm him down no matter what. You don’t need to say anything and he’s glad you don’t, you just know. You know and you hold his and you just are you. That’s enough and he’s so crazy in love with you.
When you get your house, Tom walks you to the door and without even thinking, your fingers are interlocked with his every step fo the way. The streets are quiet and the only lights around are the streetlamps and your overhead door light, the moon barely peeking out from a few clouds. Tom’s got that boyish smile that makes your heart melt while he pulls you in for a goodbye hug and no one ever said platonic hugs last a certain amount of time before they turn into something else, but maybe they should. Because the hug is long and tight, and your eyes are closed while your head is buried in his shoulder, him smelling like boyish cologne and summer waters. And he’s taking in the way you smell like your shampoo and salt water, your body warm against his from the summer night and long day spent in the sun.
“You’re gonna be amazing tomorrow.” You lift your head but don’t pull away as your hushed words leave your lips.
Tom has a tender smile as he looks to you, his brows barely knitted together as he nods softly. “Hope so.” His tone matches yours and ever since Harrison left, you’ve been stealing glances with a soft smirks and loving eyes, skipping hearts and heated cheeks.
Tom rests his forehead against yours, his hands falling to your hips and your eyes close at the same time. And it’s like this. Sometimes, it’s just like this. You’ll have a night or day together and then it’s like nothing really matters. It’s just not worth it, to wait for the right time because maybe there’s no such thing as the “right” time when it comes to being with someone you love.
You want nothing more than pull him in and kiss him and Tom would be dammed if he didn’t want to pick you up and tell you how much he loves you with pretty reds and purples across your body. And just for a split second, you both think maybe you’ll say ‘fuck it’ and just do it because your lips brush and it’s this indescribable rush that almost knocks the wind out of the two of you but it’s just that one second. That one second before you feel Tom’s lips move.
“Maybe--”
“Someday.” You finish his statement and your eyes open, his following right after and there’s so much heartbreak and sadness in both of your eyes it’s hard to tell which one of you is hurting for who. Do you hurt for him or yourself? Does he hurt for you or himself?
Right person, wrong time.
“I’m sorry.” Tom says but he makes no effort in pulling away from you, as if he’s hoping if he doesn’t pull away, he won’t have to.
Maybe his mind willl change, something will just change. It’ll be easy. Or maybe you’ll cut him off and you’ll say anything that’ll get him to just try this Maybe, there’s a subconscious part of Tom that wants you to ask him to try because maybe, just maybe, he’d try to love you the way you deserve and live his dream at the same time.
“‘S just somethin’ I’ve to do right now.” Tom whispers, his breath barely fanning over your lips.
“I know.” You force the corners of your mouth into a sad smile because you know.
And you this ‘maybe someday’ routine better than you know anything. You set yourself up for this. You’re not waiting for him, but you’re not making any efforts to move on from him because maybe, this pain in your chest during moments like these seem worth it. It’s something. Maybe it’s the best you’ll ever get with Tom even if you wish it weren’t. But you can’t ask him to pick between you and his dream.
“I do….” Tom pauses pulling his forehead from yours to better match your gaze. “I do love you, you know? Really.” Tom says and this time his lips are partially pursed and his brows are pulled together in signs of regret.
“I know you do.” You say back and you’re both so quiet it’s like if either you speak louder, you’ll both start saying everything you should be saying.
Not this someday shit the two of you are aching to get rid off but just can’t seem to. It’s Tom’s career, it’s his passion, his life, his dream. But, he’s looking at you and he knows that you’re the only one that gets his heart beating like any other day on the open waters. Why can’t he have two dreams? What’s he so scared of?
“And I love you, too.” You whisper, biting on your lip to try and maintain the calmed exterior despite your heart and bones setting a fire to your blood.
He just wants both dreams so bad but is that fair? Is this fair? Is anything ever fair? He chooses both, you and surfing and one of them has to get shoved to waistline sometimes. Tom has trained and literally put blood and sweat and tears into surfing, he can’t give up now but he craves your touch with every second he’s with you, every sound of your ringtone on his phone, every cornered grin you give. But, he can’t give you everything, at least he doesn’t think he can, and you deserve so much better. But this? This isn’t much better. Foreheads together and lips brushing with lingering and bleeding hearts, begging and pleading to just be together. Even for a night. It’s torture but you both keep putting yourselves through it.
Tom’s hand come up to your face and it’s the saddest smile you’ve ever seen decorate his face. “Someday.”
You lean into his touch and nod softly. “Yeah.”
That’s all you can manage to say, anything else would just be too much. A line would be crossed and you cannot let him know how much it hurts to look at his perfect brown eyes and brown hair that’s an absolute fluffed out mess without his usual hair gel. If you tell him, maybe he’ll pick you and you know you’re not the dream he’s been striving for for years. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.
Right person, wrong time.
“Goodnight, Tom.” You place your hands over his and remove them from your face, turning to face your door. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Make sure you sleep well, yeah?”
Tom nods carefully, running a hand through his hair, a chill running down his spine with the loss of warmth from you. “Got it.”
You open the door and send Tom one last sad but soft smile before entering your small home, closing the door behind you. Tom stares the door and he hates the weight in his chest but he shakes his head and walks to his car.
This is how it is for right now. If you’re meant to be, you’ll be when it’s right. And as for you, you’re leaned against your door in the same state of mind. You want him and he wants you but you both want him to have his dream. It hurts and it sucks and it’s heartbreaking but sometimes, that’s just how it is.
So, you push off from the door and you head further into your home, going to your room and getting things ready for the surf competition tomorrow. And Tom is off to his shared place with Harrison, preparing to get what he needs ready for the competition and clear his mind, forget this moment happened. Again.
-----------------------------------
The sun beats against your skin, not a cloud in the sky above you while surfers wait for one final wave before the horn is blown to call the end of their heat. You’re quite deep into the crowd, just off to the side of the bleachers, almost barely able to see but it’s enough for your entertainment while you wait for Tom and Harrison as they’re checking Tom in and getting him ready to head to water after this heat is over.
The events of the previous night have all put completely washed away as they usually do. It happens, you shower and mope for the night, and wake up the next day pretending like it doesn’t hurt to see him for the first five minutes of the day and then it’s okay again. You know the routine like the back of your hand and it’s only been a few months.
“How’s it lookin’ out there?” Tom pulls your attention, his board under his arm, black rash guard covering his torso and Harrison walking beside him.
Your lips pull into an uncontrollable smile as you turn to face where his voice comes from. “Looks like you’ll be having a good time today.” You jerk your head towards the water where the three of you have time to see a surfer enter the barrel of a wave.
“Sick.” Tom says, a half-cocked grin coming to his face before the horn blows from above the three of you.
“You’re on.” You look back to Tom and he gives you a nervous smile that soon turns into one of confidence and determination. “Good luck.” You extend an arm and Tom quickly pulls you into a half hug.
“Be ready to celebrate after.” Tom winks at you as he pulls away.
“You gotta win first.” You quip while he starts walking.
“I count on it!” Tom says, looking back at you with a scrunched nose and cocky smirk.
Your heart fills with adoration as you watch Tom walk off to where he’s supposed to be and your veins pump with bits of nerves and excitement. It’s always a little nervewracking watching him in the waters. Accidents happen but above anything, it’s always exciting. This is the thing he loves more than anything in the world and as his friend, all you want is him happy.
When he’s out in the ocean, competing or not, it’s like it’s just him and the water. That’s it. Him and the waves become one and it’s like it’s the one place on the entire planet he just be without a care in the world. You could watch him surf all day every day. And today isn’t any different.
You and Harrison make your way as close to the shoreline as you can get to make sure you’ll both be able to see Tom. The two of you take your seats on the sand, starting a quiet conversation about the night prior and how Tom seemed to be pretty nervous but he followed his usual routine and seemed to be fairly normal. Harrison might worry a little bit more than you do about Tom’s safety out there, even if he won’t actually admit it.
Before either of you know it, Tom’s heat is taking to the water, paddling out to the waters and the group are ready and waiting for waves to come. Your eyes stay glued on Tom, as do Harrison’s. And soon enough, a wave starts rolling in and the surfers start paddling with it. You and Harrison visibly suck in a breath as Tom and one other person seem to be the two who are gonna be really fighting over it. Luckily, it’s Tom who gets to his feet, claiming that wave.
He rides it and snaps his board quickly before the wave starts to barrel and Tom follows it out. His hand brushes against the water as he follows it through and exits from the opposite end, snapping his board a few more times and committing to a few maneuvers before he’s completely riding the wave out. And you and Harrison can exhale as Tom’s score is said from above earning him an eight.
This continues on for the next fifteen minutes, leaving just about ten minutes left. Tom’s caught two other waves while others have caught a few as well. You and Harrison don’t pay attention to anyone’s score besides Tom’s and he’s the only surfer the two of you set your full focus on, your conversation always stopping the second Tom gets to his feet. It’s not an intentional thing either of you, it just happens. And it happens again just asTom is getting up to catch his fourth wave but unlike the others that earned him decent scores, this wave starts to break and one second Tom is on his board and next he’s gone, fallen from his board and pulled underwater.
You and Harrison suck in a breath and you both just watch. He’s wiped out before. It happens regularly. It’s normal. But that doesn’t make either of you less concerned when it does happen, especially when it looks like he’s fallen hard. And especially when you both don’t see him resurface after a few seconds. And really, especially when you see the rescue jet ski going for him.
“Do you see him?” Harrison asks, leaning closer to you but his eyes stay glued on the water.
Tom can feel the strap around his ankle pulling him as the wave crashes down onto him. All he can see is reflections of blue before it goes dark with white foamed water. It rolls over him continuously. His lungs burn as he fights to try and get any form of surface only for something hard to smack his head, making him yell out in pain beneath the wave, water flooding his mouth. His heart is thundering against his ribs and his arms are tired, legs still kicking and finally, he finds the surface as the waves start to calm and when he finally reaches the surface, a hand is already coming down to help him.
“No.” You say quietly, your eyes on the water, watching and waiting, chewing the inside of your cheek until finally, you see the man on the jet ski grab Tom’s hand.
The man pulls him onto the float behind the jetski, Tom holding onto the float and his board as they start bringing him into shore. The closer they get, the more you and Harrison get a look at Tom and see a bit of blood from his head. You’re both on your feet at the same time without another word, immediately running over to where the medical tent would be.
It’s all a bit in slow motion as you and Harrison move to find Tom. If he can hold on to be pulled back to shore, you know he has to be okay but that’s never happened before. He’s needed help before but his board wasn’t broke and he wasn’t bleeding. He got back up. He didn’t place that time but he got back up. Tom isn’t one to just come in unless he needs to. The fact he needed to, that’s what’s got you worried.
“Tom? Mate, you alright?” Harrison asks in a rush as you both reach Tom who’s seated in a medical tent, a paramedic already working on him and his rash guard clutched in his hand on his lap.
“Yeah, yeah, alright.” Tom reassures, his voice a little shaky as he glances between you and Harrison.
“You’re bleeding.” You state, brows knitted together in worry.
“‘S alright.” Tom says and you can see the disappointment across his face.
“It’s a small cut, he’ll be okay.” The paramedic glances to you and Harrison, giving you both a bit of reassurance.
You and Harrison stand back and let the paramedic finish cleaning up the small cut that didn’t even need stitches and wait for her to clear him to go but Tom’s eyes drift between you and the sand beneath his feet. He knows without the actual words he’s lost and it’s a shot to the ego, sure but he really thought he could do it. Sometimes, wipeouts just happen. The wave broke and there was nothing he could do but hope he resurfaces and doesn’t get caught in the wave. But, it’s a little more than that.
He looks at you and there’s so much worry across your face and maybe that’s what hurts the most. It’s really nothing. He’ll go home and his body will be a bit sore from being a little thrashed around but other than that, he’s fine. But, he didn’t have to see it. He didn’t have to wait for a sign that he was coming up for air. Of course, him witnessing a bunch of water pulling him under wasn’t exactly the most comforting sight either but at least he knew he would be able to pull himself up eventually. You and Harrison just had to watch on and hope for the best.
He’s lost the competition, lost the hope of any more sponsors wanting him today, and he’s scared the hell out of you and Harrison. To say it’s a bad day would be an understatement.
When Tom is given the clear, he walks over to you and immediately pulls you into a hug, his soaked rash guard getting part of the back of your shirt wet but you can’t be bothered as you wrap your arms around Tom, his skin warm against your face as you bury your face in his shoulder. . You take in the scent that’s somehow still him despite the strong scent of the ocean water still dripping off of him. And maybe, it’s okay that you’re a little in love with him today because he needs it.
You, Tom, and Harrison wait to find out who won before heading home, Tom wanting to congratulate who placed before leaving. He might be a bit heartbroken he didn’t even place this time, but he respects his competition. But, once he’s done congratulating them, the three of you head to Tom and Harrison’s house. Tom asking you if you could stay for the night to which you didn’t even hesitate to agree to stay. Tom just doesn’t want to be alone and by alone, he means he just wants to be with you.
Harrison went off to his own room while you and Tom took Tom’s room, Tom showering while you switched into clothes he loaned you. And before you know it, Tom’s back in his room with sun-kissed skin, a small cut on his head, and damp but clean hair.
“Feeling better?” You ask, making room for him on his bed.
“A bit.” Tom says, moving to lay beside you.
You roll on your side to face him. “You sure? Looked like it hurt pretty bad.” Your fingers trace along the muscles of his bicep peaking out from under his t-shirt.
“Alright,” He chuckles softly. “‘M a little sore, yeah.”
“I’m sorry.” You give him a sad smile, scooting a little closer to him. “Sorry, you lost, too.”
“‘S alright.” Tom mumbles quietly, him moving a little closer to you while he extends his hand and his fingers dance slowly across your hip. “Always next one, sponsors from before still want me.”
“Bright sides.” A genuine smile comes to your face and it sends an uncontrollable warmth through Tom’s body.
Tom closes the distance between the two of you, his forehead resting against yours and he can feel you exhale, as if this is something you’ve been waiting for. Tom’s hand pulls at your hip, and your lips are brushing together just as they did the night before and it’s been eating at him since last night and even more so when he saw that look at your face while he was in the medical tent.
Why does he have to choose? Is it right to even bring it up? Is that fair to you? He’s always been worried that maybe you’d also be a distraction because he wants to give you the world as it is but if you crossed that line to something more, he will give you the world. But, he wiped out today. He lost today. And it didn’t have anything to do with where his head was. So, why can’t he have both dreams?
Tom leans forward and he’s so close to kissing to you because fuck it. You love him and he loves you. He wants you more than he wants anything else and he wants both dreams. He just hopes you want him, too. Really, truly want him. But, you pull away.
“Maybe--”
“Is today someday?” Tom cuts you off and your eyes open while your head shakes, pulling away to get a better look at his face.
“W-what?” You ask, searching his face for answers.
“I’m in love you and I want you if you’ll have me. I want surfin’, too but y/n, I want you.” Tom’s brows are pulling together and there’s a new kind of nervous expression, one that’s just scared of your response.
“How long does someday last?” You ask softly.
He says he wants you today but is that because he lost? Is that because he’ll have two months of casual rest before he starts up again? You want him more than anything but you don’t want him temporarily. If you’re gonna do this, it’s gotta be real. It can’t be half-assed. It needs to be something stable and real and serious. Permanent. All or nothing.
“What d’ya mean?” Tom asks and the tremble in his voice tells you how scared he is to hear your answer.
You suck in a shaky breath, your fingers no longer tracing the muscle of his arm. “I need to know that you’re not gonna wake up in the morning and feel differently.”
Tom’s hand moves from your hip to your cheek. “I won’t.” His voice is just above a whisper. “I promise, I want you every day I wake up. ‘S not gonna change, never.” Tom’s eyes scan your face for any sign of what you might say.
“I don’t want you to regret it.” You mumble, always knowing that surfing comes first.
“I won’t, I could never regret you.” There’s a break in his voice with his words. “Sometimes, ‘m not gonna be able to put all of myself into it, okay? But ‘m gonna try everyday ‘cause you’re worth it and ‘m sorry for not realizing it sooner, that I could love you and surf.” Tom sucks in a breath as his thumb brushes over your cheek. “Everyday just gets harder not to be with you. I came up today and I thought of you first not the competition.”
It’s true. While thrashing around in the water, his mind was on nothing else but finding air but the second he got it, the second he got onto the float, you popped into his mind. It wasn’t about the competition. It was you.
Fuck, do you want him.
“You tell me when I gotta pick up the slack, okay?” There’s a kind but tender smile pulling at your lips and you’ve always been willing to pick up what he can’t give you during competition season but you didn’t think he’d want it. It’s why you stayed quiet all this time and maybe you shouldn’t have
“Deal.” Tom says without question.
And you don’t need to say anything else. Your hands come up to his face and you pull his lips to yours, finally being able to kiss him. Tom deepens the kiss, his hand going to your back as you arch your back, pressing yourself flush against him. And he tastes like peppermint from his toothpaste and it’s like everything that’s lead the two of you here makes sense. Someday wasn’t just another word, or excuse, it was a promise.
Summary: Everyone at your best friends wedding seems to be in love. But you and Tom.
Words: 2892
Warnings: This is all just fluff, please enjoy and remember to send feedback/reblog if you enjoyed it!
This is a piece for a writing challenge!! (wow, Sophie actually posts for one of the many, many writing challenges she entered? unheard of!) it’s for @marvelousxtsh and @peeterparkr romcom writing challenge. the quote is “Number of current boyfriends: Zero.“ from Bridget jones’ diary
Nothing about weddings were fun for Tom, who was so used to being alone that he was hardly phased when he ended up sitting alone at the table with a creaseless table cloth beneath his untouched expensive wedding food. He’d barely even lifted the fork, only choosing to glance briefly at his reflection to make sure his hair was still in place and there was nothing caught between his teeth.
It wasn’t that he was used to being alone. It was just that he wasn’t used to having someone's hand to hold or hair to wrap around his fingers. He had long forgotten what it was like to have someone tangled up between his sheets as the sun streams in through the slit in the curtains and plush lips to kiss when his got bored.
He only knew what it was like to have temporary lovers who escaped before dawn, throwing on items of clothing back to front or inside out and wiping off the remains of their smudged lipstick.
Tom was so used to relying on one night stands for the slightest bit of intimacy that the sight of the loved up couples around him made him screw his face up. Even if deep down inside, he was itching to have someone to hold too – someone that wasn’t his dog who enjoyed snuggling up beside him at night.
Some guests were drunk on the alcohol, barely letting their champagne glasses run empty while others were love drunk. Sipping solely on gentle sways in the centre of the ballroom, consumed with the thought and presence of the other.
Tom swirls the liquid around in his glass, alcohol still staining his tongue but he was nowhere near drunk. He hated being drunk – being as unaware of his actions as could be and the last place you’d find him utterly wasted would be his best friends wedding. And when he had to do a heartfelt, humorous speech too? The last of the liquor in his glass would remain untouched for the majority of the evening.
Romance paints the room, with shades of red scattered at every angle.
Red, the most romantic colour. It stood for love, passion, intimacy. But it also stood for anger, frustration. There were pictures of the newlyweds surrounding the large tent, some Tom swore he’d never seen despite having known the couple for nearly ten years now.
Across the room you sit on one of the wooden chairs, beaming as you watch with stars in your eyes as your best friend sways left and right, a smile that could reach the Caribbean highlighting her features. Others danced, some giggled over overflowing drinks.
You twiddle your thumbs. That sounded so pathetic. You were at a wedding for christ sake – twiddling your thumbs as if that were the most interesting thing to do right now. Your eyes would land on dancing, cheerful couples for a couple of seconds before they’d land back on your plate that looked like it’d been licked clean.
You had to be the only person without a date to this darn thing, having found conversation with a couple of the elderly women so you didn’t look like an absolute loser at this thing but still, you found yourself alone at the table while everyone else made basked in the presence of another, wrapping themselves up in each other's arms until they were no more then a mess of tangled limbs.
Your foot taps against the floor, heel remaining on the transferable flooring. The first mistake you’d made tonight was wearing heels to an outdoor wedding. The heel sunk into the sludge, brown muck sticking to the bottoms. But you weren’t one to allow a little mud to ruin your night! No way.
How could you when you were wearing the most beautiful lavender dress, with silver jewellery adorning your neck and wrist. Sure, there was no diamond ring hugging your ring finger like the one your best friend had been gifted and maybe your parents had expressed their disappointment that their twenty-five-year-old daughter was still living alone – something that had you feeling mildly perplexed. (because you’re only twenty-five. How were you meant to settle down when you couldn’t even figure out what ready-made meal you wanted for dinner?)
The song comes to an end and you force your painted lips into a grin, clapping your hands together. Crowds cheer in joy. Your heart aches from hidden loneliness.
No one leaves the dance floor just yet, feet remaining planted on the tarmac. Maybe they were too lost in each other to be bothered by the voice that begs them to take a sip of water or to finally consume the meals that sit around each table.
Love. Maybe you craved the feeling of being in love after being alone for so long. You, a hopeless romantic who had watched nearly every romcom on Netflix twice desired it below small ‘I’m okay on my own!’s’
Maybe you just wanted to enjoy dessert without pitiful whispers being shared about the one girl sitting alone.
You roll your eyes, reminding yourself that they called it falling in love for a reason.
Tapping your foot and pursing your lips, your eyes roam around the room hoping for an escape before they find someone who just like you, was enjoying the company of themselves.
He was cute, really. With slicked back brown hair and a suit that perfectly hugged his form. It was probably one of those not too expensive rental ones and maybe... just like your dress that made you feel like some kind of Disney princess, it had to be returned on Monday.
If you were really a Disney Princess then you’d most likely have a prince by now.
Nothing can stop you from getting up, straightening out the bottom of your above knee length dress and heading over to him in the heels. Not even the doubts that plague your mind although they were strong and tempting to give in to.
What if he has a girlfriend and she’s just gone to the bathroom? Or a boyfriend!
What if he’s an ass?
What if he hates me?
“Do you want to dance?”
You ask before you can give in to the magnitude od doubts – slipping your bottom lip between your teeth. You chew softly, pursing them when the stranger looks up.
Tom gives you a confused grin, brown eyes the colour of the coffees you sip on every morning with a thin layer of foam and cinnamon. Maybe it was the lighting that painted the walls of the large tent but you saw galaxies – beautiful arrays of stars.
One second he was poking around at his food, glaring at his own reflection in the fork and the next he was looking at you.
“Sorry, what?” He cocks his head. Tom squints his eyes, trying to make out the endless details and decorations that rest in your hair under the light – from the sequenced bobby pins that hold your hair back and the small patterns on the waist of the dress.
He knew you. You had walked down the aisle with a bouquet of flowers in your hands while Tom stood at the front of the alter tapping his feet. The room had been thick with comments about your dress and your makeup before the bride stepped out. Both of which were nothing less then perfect and while Tom knew shit all about makeup and fashion, he couldn’t disagree.
You had shone, practically glowed. And all Tom knew was that you were one of the brides closest friends. Someone his best mate had probably bought up in a conversation or two.
“I’m asking you to dance with me. I know that if I don’t get at least one dance in at my best friends wedding I’ll regret it for the rest of my life, and truth be told I’m sick of looking like a loser by myself. And it looks to me like you don’t have anyone to dance with too.” You huff, sticking a hand out. “So, will you please dance with me?”
“Don’t you have a boyfriend or something? Everyone else here seems to be in love.” Tom furrows his brows and you begin to regret your decision to demand the stranger to dance.
Suddenly you want to curl up back into your shell and wallow in endless embarrassment.
“Number of current boyfriends: Zero.“ You huff. “Look, It took a lot for me to come over here and ask you to dance and I’m really starting to regret it.”
Tom smiles at how assertive you are, though you’re quietly pleading with your eyes for him to hurry up and take your hand.
“Only if you promise you don’t bite.” He jokes, slipping his hand into yours. “I’m Tom, by the way.”
You grin, swallowing the embarrassment that had previously sent you into a fit of nausea. Large, calloused fingers intertwine with your own and the palm of his hand is slightly cold – you blame the glass of champagne he’d carried around all night and lead the best man onto the dance floor where couples make way, slipping aside with ease.
“I know, you’re the best man. Y/F/N mentioned you a few times and I’ve seen photos.” The tune shifts as the song changes and a familiar beat begins. Your head is reeling, being so close to an utter stranger had you doubting whether or not you’d be able to pull out your best moves and not end up looking like a fool. But Elton Johns voice soothes you, sending waves of reassurance throughout you.
“I’m Y/N.” You finally say.
“So I have a fan club, huh?” Tom teases.
“Not all the things I’ve heard have been good but I will say, you sound like quite the charmer.”
Nothing else is said as your hand slips out of his. Lonely fingers dance their way to his collar before they wrap around his neck, intertwining at the back. Tom hesitates before letting his hands rest on either side of your waist. He hardly lets them rest, allowing his fingertips to merely ghost over the fabric.
Is he too high? Too low? Were you regretting your decisions?
I hope you don’t mind
That I put into words
How wonderful life is while you’re in the world
The song oozes romance. It was one not meant to be shared between two lonely twenty-something-year-olds who just happened to stumble together for the first time ever but couples long in love. Much like the newlyweds who sway with smiles adorning tired faces and the couple next to you who had been married thirty-four years.
The thought hardly crosses your mind as you and Tom begin to rock back and forth, both attempting to find a pace that fit. It’s a little awkward ad you both stumble once or twice. Tom chokes for a moment before regaining himself and you can’t stop your laced hands from resting over his gell covered curls at the back of his head. It’s intimate and neither of you says a word for a moment – Tom doesn’t even mention the realisation that had him smiling softly.
While your dress is a gorgeous lavender, you smell like a hypnotizing combination of strawberries and wedding cake.
And maybe you like the feeling of having another human so close, you still felt his presence in the palm of your hands.
You glance at him, mascara painted lashes batting together. “This isn’t so bad. Better then sitting alone, is it?”
“I haven’t decided yet,” Tom replies quickly, hasty eyes racing around the room before they land back on your face. Your features fall, hurt and uncertainty filling your eyes and Tom realises that what he said could’ve possibly come out wrong. “I didn’t mean it like that – I mean, I don’t dance. I don’t know how. I kind of suck at slow dancing.”
“You’re doing great so far, I could hardly tell.”
Hesitantly, you allow your head to rest on the stranger's shoulder and even from there you can feel the unsteady beating of his heart. You barely feel the boy gulp, swallowing back his nerves. Tom felt like he was back at his high school prom, nervously trying to dance with the girl he’d asked over a cupcake and a bouquet of flowers.
He had stepped on her toes more times then he could count that night and left the dance alone.
Closing his eyes for a second, Tom tries to think up a sentence that won’t make him sound like an absolute weirdo. Opening his eyes, they find a bouquet of orange feathers and Tom snorts.
“Have you seen that ridiculous hat the bride's aunt is wearing?” Tom asks suddenly, speaking over the lyrics to mock the set of orange frills.
You chuckle, vibrating against his black suit. “She wore that to their Christmas dinner too – and thanksgiving. The colour kind of reminds me of carrots… or orange soda.”
Tom stifles his laughs, fingers tightening their grip slightly around your waist. Just to the point where you can now feel his fingertips through the lavender dress.
“It’s like candy corn.” Tom chuckles, “I used to only eat candy corn every year for Halloween when I was a kid, you know?”
You try not to chuckle, focusing on the hands on your waist and the heavy beating of your heart. You fit so perfectly, inching together like two pieces of a puzzle. You almost hate how warm he makes you feel.
“I hated candy corn,” You tell him, “Even now I can’t stand the stuff, I guess I just enjoy savoury foods more. I always get a sore stomach after eating sweet foods.”
Tom hums, his wandering thoughts telling him that this was exactly what he needed. Not wanted, because Tom wouldn’t admit to wanting bucketloads of affection. He wouldn’t admit to craving the feeling of bare hands resting on his shoulders and warm breath in the crook of his neck.
But here he was, melting under the touch of a near stranger.
Melting was a bit of an overstatement. His heart was in a frenzy, mind positively, absolutely reeling.
The lyrics worm their way into his head, Elton Johns heavenly voice pulling him down to earth and closer to the girl in his arms. All he knew was her name and the fact that maybe he’d just found his soulmate.
Maybe Tom was being overdramatic about the whole soulmate thing – but he wasn’t one to fall head over heels every girl he runs into. But in you, Tom saw potential. Potential that he could grow weak at the knees on your first date and maybe he’d allow his cheeks to turn a soft shade of pink as he mutters compliments across the dinner table.
“Have you ever danced like this with someone before?” Tom asks, speaking softly so only you can hear. It’s not like anyone else was listening in any way – everyone except the groom and bride who smirked knowingly at one another.
“Not really, no.” You respond, trying to think back to a time you’d swayed like this with merely the top of the tent separating you from an array of stars.
“You’re really good.” And I’d like to do this again.
“Thank you,” You speak, head resting on his shoulder. You hope you’re not getting makeup on his suit – but you also hope that Tom is aware of the fact that his heart is beating way too fast and that may be dangerous. “You’re pretty good for a beginner.”
You both continue to sway as the song comes to a close, both secretly hoping that the song could somehow extend itself and you could just remain there for a few more moments
The lyrics would be stuck in your head for days, as well as the feel of being cuddled close and the shallow breathes slipping past your dance partners lips. In fact, from being so close to him you’d learnt that Toms breath was minty… like he’d somehow had the chance to chew on an eclipse mint in between meals.
The tune is drowned out by the cheers of the crowd and you hesitantly remove your head from his chest, brushing away strands of hair that had chosen to stick to the side of your face during the dance.
“This is going to sound really stupid but I know we just met like… three minutes ago but, will I see you again?” Tom asks, quirking a brow. A hand still remained on your waist, nimble fingers barely ghosting over the fabric of your lavender bridesmaid dress. The one you had promised to return to the store by twelve o’clock on Monday.
“You’re the best man, correct?” You reply. I want to see you again too.
Tom nods, brown curls falling over his forehead. “Correct.”
“So you’re staying in the hotel they assigned us?” You were unsure if your next set of words came out as a suggestion or not. But it didn’t matter all that much. “I’m staying in room 302, I’ll see you at breakfast. Maybe sooner if fate allows it.”
“P-Perfect.” He coughs, cheeks turning a peachy shade of pink. “Perfect.”
Character(s): Peter Parker, Ned Leeds, Betty Brant, Michelle James
Pairing(s): Peter Parker x Reader
Warnings: my first attempt at angst lol
Summary: Peter Parker comes back from Europe, and Y/n Finally gets the guts to ask him out, at least until Y/n realizes he’s not so single anymore.
A/n: This is for @lovestrucktom ‘s and @peeterparkr ‘s Rom-Com Writing Challenge! This took me a while to conjure up since I've been so busy but I'm so excited I'm finally done!
Almost everyone you knew had said you were too good for everyone else at your school. Your effortless way of beauty, and the way your smile could light up a room. Of course, you thought it was ridiculous, as you were just like any other person there, just trying to get through school like everyone else, and accomplish your goals. People had even gone as far as saying you were the replacement Liz Allen, but better.
It especially annoyed you that your friends would judge all of the students, rating them from their cuteness or hotness on the outside rather than what truly mattered in the end. That's why you didn't tell them who you liked because they would say you had a silly crush on a guy that people would say isn’t in your league or even close.
Your crush, well he was sweet, yet challenged your own smarts, and even had the cutest smile that lit up your own.
He was on a trip currently in Europe. You were super nervous to see that there were elemental monsters causing trouble, but at least spiderman was somehow there. That reassured you for their safety.
Before they came back, you were partnered with Ned Leeds and Peter Parker. It was mostly nerve-wracking because it was the peter who happened to be your crush. You were all working on a science fair project. They were coming back to help you at the start of the next year. You started the project without them. You all were creating a laser that would revolutionize cauterizing wounds on the fly, which would help military personnel, and it worked well so far because it was similar to the power source Tony Stark used.
The only way you figured it out was because of Peter, and you admired him for it, not only because you had major feelings towards the boy, but because he was extremely smart, it blew your own mind. You had always competed against almost everyone until Peter showed you great minds could combine and create amazing things.
You worked on it day and night, right up until Peter was coming back. You were giddy with excitement, hoping the message you were going to laser onto the sample would begin something between the two of you.
You were waiting by Peter’s locker for him, sparking a lot of whispering around you, most likely gossip of why you were standing at his locker, waiting.
It didn’t bother you, at least not anymore as you realized laying in your bed thinking before the morning last night, that you liked the boy, and that was okay, and if someone had a problem with it, that was their issue, not yours.
Once you saw Betty and Ned appear around the corner, you waved to your friends. They waved back, walking towards you, and Betty opening her arms, embracing you.
“Hey Y/n!”
“Hey, Betty! Hi Ned! How was the trip?”
“It was insane! There were these elemental monsters and Mysterio and spider-man-“
“Woah, Betty! Slow down! Are you guys all okay? I saw some things on the news, but I didn’t think you guys were in the middle of it!”
“Were good, thanks to Spider-Man, I still have no idea how he made it all the way to Europe! Maybe-“
“Maybe we should catch up at lunch?” Ned cuts in, as Betty agrees, nodding.
“Yeah, then I can show you all the photos we took! You should really come on next year's trip!”
“I’ll consider it.”
As they walk off, you spot Peter and MJ talking down the hall. Peter spots you and waves, you wave back, before your whole world comes crumbling. As Peter kisses MJ you can't help but freeze up, making it hard for you to breathe.
Your whole fantasy just tumbled down into the sea of reality. You just lost your chance with Peter Parker. Your eyes started to become blurry from the tears forming, which you tried your best to hold back and wipe away.
Peter was ecstatic. He just got a girlfriend, saved the world again and was on an adrenaline high, excited to see his friends, especially Y/n.
He had a crush on you, but now he guessed it didn't matter, as you were way out of his league and would never go for a guy like him, not only that but he now had a girlfriend.
As he went to approach you saying goodbye to MJ, you weren't there at his locker anymore. Like a ghost, you were gone, just like the way his dreams of having Y/n faded.
During most of the day, you avoided him, managing to ask your teachers to let you work on your science project and that you would do the work later that night at home. You worked away for most of the morning until It was your advanced English class, the one you had right before lunch with none other than Peter Parker. Most of your classes were with him anyways, but this was the only class with the Mr.Lee. He was an Old hardass English teacher that was only there because he said: “retirement didn’t suit him”. It was that, and a combination of the regular teacher going on maternity leave.
You knew you couldn’t get out of this one or else he’d set you up with his less than legal to use lie detector machine, to tell him the real reason you wanted out of that class. His whole family were cops, most still working in the force somehow, and he was the only one who chose education. His reasoning was that “to get catch them in their early days was the best way”. You knew you had to face him, and more importantly, Peter.
Peter thought you might have gone home early with the flu or at least something along the lines of that. He hadn’t seen you all day, except with his encounter this morning. All he could do was hope whatever it was, you were okay.
Walking into class felt like a burden, one that was set upon you from your own inflictions. You could feel his heavy gaze on you, but you didn’t dare look, because that would give your whole facade away.
You decided to sit beside your friends that ran the newspaper with you, instead of him.
They didn’t even blink or question why you were sitting with them, they just continued to gossip.
You almost feel the burning stare of him through the back of your head but you didn't dare look back.
He could have sworn he could feel something was wrong, especially from knowing you for so long.
During the class was torture, when all your mind was on was the one thing you couldn’t have, but as soon as the bell rang you sprinted like you were in a marathon out of there. You could hear your name being called by Peter from down the hall, but you didn’t stop for him. You continued out to the cafeteria quickly grabbing something before finding Betty outside. You realized why, as you promised her to go for lunch at a local sandwich shop with Ned and Peter. Before she could even ask why your exterior of being strong started to crumble.
Tears streaked down your face as you sat down on the bench next to her.
“Y/n, what's wrong?” she asked as she hugged you.
“He- he’s with her. It’s too late. I was too late.”
“Who? Y/n Whoever it is you’re too good for them!”
“If I’m too good for him, then how come I’m not with him?” You say looking down at your shoes as you spot Peter Parker and MJ coming out of the school’s building.
“Oh, Y/n I’m so sorry,” she says as she hugs you tighter “I know this is hard, but nothing worth fighting for is easy. Look at Spider-man! He fought because it was worth it not because it was easy, for everyone in Europe!”
“Maybe I didn’t fight enough when it wasn’t too late,” you say, before getting up to go trash the programmed message.
Prompt/box filled: “Love is scary: it changes; it can go away. That’s the part of the risk. I don’t want to be scared anymore.” for @lovestrucktom and @peeterparkr , “I wasn’t lying when I said I loved you. please don’t do this.” for @borhapparker , ‘What I’m fighting for’ for @goodthingshappenbingo , Haunted by the past for @star-spangled-bingo , families of choice for @buckybarnesbingo
Fandom: Marvel
pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Words: 5.6k
Warnings: Mentions of previous abusive relationship and rape, descriptive violence (domestic violence and other), pregnancy, angst, happy ending
A/N: I think this is a first for me. I hope I’ve done this right, please let me know!
Masterlist
The knocks at the door made you lift your head from the floor where you lay bleeding and sobbing. For the past hour, you kept slipping in and out of consciousness, every one of your limbs feeling heavy and tired. A hand lay securely across your still flat stomach.
You couldn’t bring yourself to lift as much as a finger to open the door. The police would have to break down the door. You could only make out the door being kicked down and few large figures dressed in what was definitely not police gear. A big man immediately crouched by your side when he saw you. Yousteel-blue able to see a pair of steel-blue eyes before everything blurred together again into darkness.
*
Your eyes blinked open, the white lights all around you taking a bit to adjust to. You try to pull your hands up to your face, but find them to be held down. You turn your head frantically to see your feet and hands strapped down. No no no no god please no. He’s back, he has you. Now you’ve done it. He’ll kill you this time. Tears streamed down your cheeks like waterfalls as your sobs shook you helplessly.
The door next to you opened and in walked in two men. One with a white lab coat, the other sporting a metal arm. “Hey hey woah. We’re not going to hurt you, we want to help you!” His hands reached out in front of him, you saw their eyes shift uncomfortably and fearfully down to your hands.
Following their gaze, you saw the blue glow surrounding your hands. Your breath grew desperate. Oh god, not again. The one with the metal arm stepped forward. “Please calm down. No one is going to hurt you, I promise.”
“Where am I? Who are you? Why am I here? Let me go!” Your words had turned to screams between cries.
“You’re in the med bay of the avengers compound. I’m Bucky. This is Bruce. We want to help you. We know you have powers, and we want to help you learn to control them.” You took a breath and calmed down a bit. “Can you tell us what happened?” You opened your mouth and closed it. ‘Don’t trust anyone.’ Said a little that little voice inside you, while another part of you bet everything that you should trust him.
Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him turn toward the other man and whisper something to him before they both walked out. He gave you one last lingering glance before they left.
You could have been lying there for what seemed like hours, but was only minutes. Your thoughts ran wild and you had no idea what to think. What would happen to you? What had you done? Would he come back to finish what he started?
Your scared eyes went to the door again as a young woman stepped in. She was cautious of her movements as she got closer to you. “Hi. I’m Wanda. I can remove those restraints, but I need you to promise me that you won’t freak out too much. It was just a precaution. We didn’t know how you’d react.” You nodded your head slowly. She mumbled an ‘Ok, great.’ and with a swish and flick of her wrist and glowing red energy, you were free. You sat up quicker than you should have despite the pain it brought.
“Y-you, y-y-you’re like me? I-I don’t understand. What’s happening? What happened to him? What happened to me?” Your hand shot to your abdomen; she saw the panic in your eyes.
“Your baby’s fine. Thankfully, we got you out of there on time to help you. We’re going to take care of you. We’ll explain everything once you’re a little better. We want to make sure you’ll be fully recovered before you get out of the med bay. Can you tell me what you remember?”
Her question made you turn away and hug yourself tightly. “Everything.” You whispered just loud enough for her to hear.
*
Everyone at the compound welcomed you warmly despite your guardedness. You could tell and appreciated how they tried to make you feel at home. Especially Bucky, Wanda, and Natasha. You didn’t know much about them or any of the avengers before meeting them. You didn’t know about most news or happenings, Travis just told you things he considered you needed to know, which in his eyes, was barely anything.
Wanda had asked you the first day what you remembered, and all you could say then was ‘Everything’. Unfortunately, that was the truth. Bucky, Nat, Wanda and you bonded gradually over your powers, your feelings, your training and eventually, you told them everything. Once you started, you couldn’t stop. You told them about how Travis was everything you could dream of at first. How once he made sure you couldn’t leave him, he showed his true colors. You told them about how you were raped. How you were beat until you could hardly move. How his words were like whips that hurt almost as much as the wounds he inflicted.
You found comfort in getting if off your shoulders. You grew to trust them; you all knew that everyone in the tightly-knit circle could understand each other's feelings and situations better than most. You still found it surprising that Bucky made it into that small circle, you knew everyone else was just as surprised. For some inexplicable reason, he made you feel safe.
You could manipulate space, matter, and energy with your powers like Wanda, and she saw training you to control them. You could protect yourself and your child now; you weren’t helpless and weak like Travis made you believe for so long. You were strong and powerful, with people on your side that you knew cared about your wellbeing.
That knowledge, as comforting as it was, couldn’t stop the nightmares that plagued some of your nights.
*
The car filled with the hilariously off key singing of you and your family. How they convinced you to take a week and a half off work for a road trip, you’d never know. All you knew was that you were glad to be with your family after going so long without seeing them.
With your mother being a successful surgeon, your father a scientist (specializing in god knows what), your younger brother David a professor, and you a nurse, none of you had much time or opportunity to visit each other.
“Dad, how long till we reach that hotel for the night? We gotta wake on time tomorrow.” You said once the song was over.
“Well, we’re still in the middle of nowhere. GPS says we’re two hours away. But really Y/N, what’s the rush? We can be a little late. Besides, the sun is just going down.”
You looked out the window with a playful huff and a grin. He was right, no reason to worry for nothing when you were supposed to be relaxed.
Headlights shone through from behind and you saw your parents exchange an anxious, almost scarred look. You had been the only car on the road for about an hour at that point, and it was just getting dark.
The black car caught up to yours and drove on directly beside the car even as your dad sped up. Their windows rolled down and the person on the passenger side took a gun out, taking aim, and shooting at the tires. All in a matter of seconds.
They shot at the window, thankfully your parents weren’t hit. You felt everything slow down. The screams of yourself and your family only a dull noise in comparison to the havoc around you as the car swerved violently and quickly.
You watched in slow motion as the huge tree ahead got closer and closer until you felt the crash. You shot forward but were pulled back abruptly by your seatbelt. Shards of glass shot every which way. Your vision was a blur.
Your eyes shot uselessly to your parents. Blood seeped and streamed from their cuts. Your mom was pressed against the dashboard, your dad against the wheel. His arm was extended out to her limply.
You used as much effort you could to see David. His eyes were fluttering shut and his head was hanging to the side. The left side of his face was bloodied and bruised, tears ran down his cheeks. You wanted nothing more in that moment than for all of it to be a twisted illusion.
You tried to call out to them, scream their names, yell for help, anything. But all that came from your lips was a faint whisper.
Your own pain and blood loss was making your vision even worse as your silent and weak sobs racked you. A large shadow through the bright headlights approached and ripped off the driver's seat door. You heard the groans of your father as he was dragged out behind the car. They opened the trunk.
“OPEN IT! NOW!” The menacing voice growled.
No answer came. “We have come VERY far for this. Did you really think Hydra would let you off that easy? That we wouldn’t find you? This is the last component.”
“You know what? I think we’ll have a great time killing your family if you don’t want to cooperate with us.” The doors swung open and you felt yourself be pulled out roughly. Your brother and mother were sat up by force beside you. Panicked words of protest came from your dad with cries and pleas. Your eyes looked to the side. There was no way your mother was still alive. A large man held her limp body up to a kneeling position by her neck and hair.
David’s eyes danced around before landing on you and mouthing an ‘I love you’. He knew what would happen. The bang of the shot filled the air and he fell back.
The man turned abruptly turned to your mother's body. He took aim again and shot repeatedly, merely for the effect. He turned to you. You would have welcomed death then, but he stopped and looked back to your dad. “So? You feeling more helpful now?”
He looked to you with an apologetic look. You watched as he punched in a code. “Go. To. Hell.” Curses came from the two men.
Loud beeps increasing as the gun went off one more time and your dad fell to the ground.
With one more long beep, the whole world seemed to stop. At first, all that happened was a small burst of blue energy and the light coming from the other car dimmed to nothing.
Then an explosion. The electric light cackled and extended to everything. The men were thrown back with such force that they hit trees and even through the chaos you heard the distinct shattering and breaking of a bone. Dead.
You were thrown in time with them, but you only landed in the clearing with a thud. You were consumed with the energy and your body and soul burned with it. You just saw it coursing around you despite it having subsided everywhere else before your eyes shut to blink.
When they opened again, you were on the hardwood floor of your old apartment that you shared with Travis.
He was standing above you with his hand still raised after hitting you.
As much as you wanted to get up, you stayed down. Maybe he’d calm down if you did. One good thing (pretty much the only good thing about carrying his child was that it had minimized how often he beat you. Significantly.
You hoped so much, laying there in front of him helplessly, that he would be satisfied with bashing your head against the table and throwing you to the floor. You wished yourself anywhere but there. You wished your child to be safe, to not be subjected to his cruelty, even before they were born.
Hugging yourself tightly, you curled into yourself as a kick landed against you. He leaned down and pulled you up against the all harshly, only to throw you again. You felt a sharp swift pain in your abdomen and all sense you had was lost.
Standing shakily, you looked at him with blood streaming down from your forehead and thoroughly busted lip. “No.” You stated. Travis laughed deeply.
“No? No what? I’ve been getting careless with your discipline, haven't I? And why should I keep being so? Not like the brat matters anyw-”
You cut him off, mustering up all your strength to toss a vase at his head with a shout. “You will not hurt my baby! You’ve hurt me for so long and I was stupid enough to not get out while I could. But I will not let you lay a finger on my child!” As the last words left your lips as a sharp yell, you felt an energy stream out of you uncontrollably. One that you’d only felt once before. A feeling you had tried to forget ever since.
You fell backward with a loud thud. Pure exhaustion overcame you but still, you pushed yourself up when you saw Travis getting up with a murderous rage burning in his eyes. “Now you’ve done it, you bitch.” His eyes traveled down to your still glowing hands. “You’re a fucking monster. You shouldn't be alive, and neither should that baby.”
The fear in his eyes outshone the threats and you started stepping closer to him slowly. Too late to stop now. You were scared of yourself, not knowing what was happening to you. He took a glass bottle and threw it at you, clearly thinking you didn't have it in you to do any more damage. Hearing the shatter, he grabbed another and slammed it against your head. The broken pieces cutting into you as you landed on the floor.
Travis was talking again but you couldn't make out the words he said, the ringing in your ears adding to the faintness you felt made it near impossible to listen or even just think.
He kicked you and you screamed as loud as you could. Perhaps someone would hear you. You were racked with power one more time before everything around you practically burst. Vases, mirrors, furniture and even Travis flew in every direction.
This time he didn't get up.
*
You woke in a cold sweat, your throat dry and burning from screaming. A hand took yours and another gripped your shoulder. A high shriek left you when your eyes met a pair of blue ones glimmering in the moonlight bleeding in through the blinds.
“Hey woah, woah, it's just me. I heard you screaming and I thought you might be in trouble. I made Friday open the door for me.” You calmed down a bit when you heard his voice.
“Just a bad nightmare. More like memories actually.”
“Do you maybe wanna talk about it? You know I'm always here to listen.” You stared at him a minute before nodding. Everything you'd tried to forget and move on from was resurfacing. And he listened intently and patiently. No one really knew the full story until him. You cried into his shoulder and effectively drenched his shirt in your tears but he only wrapped an arm around you and held you warmly.
Once your cries subsided and the tears streaming down your face had dried, Bucky shifted and stood. “You should get some sleep, iguess I'll get going now. Good-night Y/N, if you need anything, you know I'm just next door.”
He was almost at the door when your voice cut through the silence of the room with a “Wait!” You exclaimed all too quickly, instantly feeling your cheeks heat up. “Can you-uh-could you p-please stay? I-I um think it might help me sleep.” He nodded and walked back to your bed where he had been sitting just before. You folded back the covers, inviting him to lie down there. When he did he shifted comfortably to lay on his side facing you.
“Is this ok?” He whispered and you hummed an ‘mhmm’. And you stayed like that, just looking at each other until both of you fell asleep.
That kind of became the usual arrangement. He was like a warm blanket, helping you fall asleep and keeping nightmares far from your mind. He took care of you, and you liked it. Perhaps too much.
You’d never know what you did to deserve someone like him in your life. Someone who genuinely cared about you and did what he could to make you feel comfortable and safe. He brought laughter back into your life, and even in your short time at the compound, you felt content and healing slowly, bit by bit.
Movie nights, walks and runs around the compound and in parks with Bucky filled the empty space in your schedule. You had even started training together, and with his and Wanda’s help combined, you were getting quite good at controlling your powers and your skills increased steadily.
He was so kind and respectful to your boundaries but teasing and close at the same time. Whenever you felt down or anything like that, Bucky was there to listen, and when you needed space or time with the girls, he gave it to you. You didn’t deserve to have him in your life.
*
“I am going to be the best fucking aunt ever.” Nat proclaimed loudly in the middle of IKEA; much to the horror of the two mothers and kids in earshot.
“No. I am.” Wanda said curtly.
“First of all, chill. You'll both be the greatest aunts. And second, can you believe there are less than three months left!” A small smile decorated your face thinking about it. Even though it had only been about 5 months, you knew your friends would always be with you.
“Hey Y/N/N check this out.“ Bucky called. When you all stood next to him, you could see the hero themed nursery display. Nat immediately went over to the Captain America things. Picking up a blanket and pillow, she placed them next to a little Cap plushie. She pulled out her phone, took a picture, and sent it to the man himself, her boyfriend.
“Ahhh! Ooo I need thi-oh and that! And that!” You actually squealed and you went around picking things up. You dropped everything though when you saw the Winter Soldier plushie and the folded Winter soldier color themed blanket under it. One one side was soft smooth grey-blue and light blue stripes with a big red star in the center, the other side was a fluffy blue. “We are getting these! It's perfect! Nat bring the pillow and the plushie please.”
She happily obliged.
On the way home, you made Bucky stop at a small playground that an ice cream shop was next to.
Turning with a grin as you held your (favorite flavor) ice cream, you walked to sit on a bench by the playground. As you licked away, you noticed two parents playing with their little boy. They laughed and ran around. They picked him up and spun him around playfully. He ran up to the slide as to outrun them and slid down giggling.
But instead of stopping short and landing on his feet, he flew off and landed on the ground. His mother ran to him and pulled him to sit. Whimpers turned to little hiccups and wails as the woman examined his scraped knees. The man brought her a purse, from which she pulled a small tube of ointment and bandaids.
She spoke softly to him as she wiped his tears then kissed each scrape lovingly before applying the ointment and putting the bandaid on him. His father sat him on his shoulders and promised the boy an ice cream cone.
Next to you, your three friends must have not noticed your mood change. If they did, they gave no indication.
*
You sat on your bed, with you head in your hands, surrounded by the baby books you had already bought. You cried and sniffled quietly. A knock sounded from the door before in walked Bucky. “Doll, Guess wh-” You wiped your tears quickly, but not quick enough. “Y/N what's wrong? Are you ok?” He sat beside you and stroked your back.
“It’s just, I guess reality slapped me in the face today. Like, of course, I knew that this meant having a baby and raising them.” You said gesturing to your protruding stomach. “But I don't think I ever stopped to think about how hard it would be. I mean, I didn't think it would be easy but still. I guess I didn't want to think about it either.
“But seeing that couple and their kid, it-i don't know. I realized that I'm doing this alone. That I am going to be a single mother. So many parents do it… but can I? I don't know the first thing about being a mom! What if I mess them up? If I can't take care of them or protect them! Travis is in prison but what if he gets out or finds us?
“This is MY baby. But unfortunately, they're his too. And God, Is it too much to hope they don't look like him? What am I going to do?”
“Y/N, I know I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again. We are all here for you. Whenever you need us, and even when you don’t, we’re here for you. He has no right to this baby, he won’t get out anyway. We’ll make sure of it.
“You’ll be an amazing mother. I already know it. I’ve seen how you act and love. If your worry is being a single mom, than just don’t worry about that. Any man would be the luckiest bastard to be with you. Besides, if it’s any consolation, you have me.”
He gazed deeply, longingly, into your eyes, and you into his. He leaned closer to you, eyes flickering to your lips and back. You brain turned off, and you leaned in a little too. You looked down at his lips and just a second later, your eyes fluttered shut as his lips met yours gingerly.
His hand slipped to your neck and gently tilted your face more towards his. You couldn’t even process your thoughts, the only clear one was that you felt better than you had in a very long time. It felt like your lips were made to be on his.
You parted slowly, like neither of you wanted the moment to end. And in truth, you didn’t.
He was already looking at you when your eyes opened again to look at him. Only a few inches were between you. With a resigned and almost pained look on his face, he took a breath and sighed. Then, “I love you.”
It was said so softly that you weren’t even sure you heard it. But still, the words were on the tip of your tongue. Because you did. You, the broken woman they found months ago, had been falling for Bucky Barnes.
Your phone went off, breaking you out of your trance. “It’s Nat. I really should take this. I’ll talk to you later Bucky. And thank you.”
You knew Nat’s call wasn’t urgent,all she really wanted to tell you was that she got some Black Widow things for the baby. But you needed to get out of there.
As much as you wanted something with Bucky, it wasn’t the time. You should be focusing on your baby and your powers.Were you even ready to give your heart to someone again? Of course Bucky would never hurt you but still, you wondered. Besides, you would only hold him back. And you said it yourself, you didn’t deserve him; He’d be better off without you.
*
TWO MONTHS LATER
Avoiding Bucky turned into a whole job. Honestly you were tired of it but you couldn’t bear having to talk to him. If you were ever caught off guard, you quickly made up an excuse and waddled away.
You knew he worried about you and wanted to talk but you couldn't bring yourself to face him. The girls were split between sides but didn’t show it.
Days grew longer without him and you grew to the size of a moon.
The whole team, with the exception of Bucky, were gone on a mission and weren’t due back until at least tomorrow afternoon. Of course it could be longer though. So at the time, your room seemed like the safest place to stay. You passed the time sitting on your bed, with snacks or even full meals, books or Netflix. Anything to pass the time. Even just feeling your belly as your baby kicked and moved and just talking to them.
“Ugh I’m a planet! You’re getting so big and strong in there my star. I can’t wait to meet you.” You whispered smiling, so enthralled that you didn’t notice the knock at your door or when it opened. Bucky was met with a soft sight that tugged at his heartstrings.
“Y/N?” He said softly, making you shoot up and almost fall off the bed. Your eyes were wide and you felt yourself slightly panic. So much for ignoring him. He saw your mouth open to speak and your legs unfold as you stand and start to walk away. “No. Wait, Don’t leave. Please. I just- I need- I want-.” He took a deep breath. “I’m just worried about you. You’ve been avoiding me for two months! You won’t even look at me! And I can’t stand it. Not anymore. Talk to me. Please?” His voice dimmed so it was barely audible. “I wasn’t lying when i said i loved you. Please don’t do this. Please don’t push me away anymore.”
He wore his feelings clearly on his features, no longer holding back anything. You could see the tears threatening to spill.
“Bucky I-I can’t do this. Not now. I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you. But, You want me to be honest?” A nod. “I realized that I love you! That I want to be with you and to be happy, Okay? And then I realized that’s wrong. That I shouldn’t want that! You shouldn’t want this! All because It’s not just me anymore. I have a baby that i have to take care of and worry about. A baby that I love so much even though they haven’t been born yet. Hell, I don't even know if they’re a boy or a girl. I’m so worried about being enough for them, about being everything they need and giving them all they deserve. Raising them will be a big challenge but it’s one I’ve been getting ready for the past months.
“I won’t make you have to do it too though. Because if I do, sure it always starts out perfect, ya know? But then it’ll hit you that you actually don’t want the burden of me and a child that isn’t even yours! And you’ll want out. I don’t think I could take that. Because I’m not just fighting for myself anymore. I’m fighting for my child. And I’m also fighting for all the people who are going or have gone through things like I have.
“I don’t even know what to say anymore. I just know that you should be with someone you’ll be happy with, someone without so many problems. Not me. More than anything, I’m just scared. Scared of messing it all up. Scared of the fact that you have power over me that I thought and hoped I'd never give to anyone again.. Scared of getting hurt again.”
Your face was red and tears almost stung as they rolled down your cheeks like waterfalls. Your breathing was heavy and you hugged yourself through your sobs. Bucky stepped forward to you and wrapped his arms around you, his chin resting on the top of your head. Your tears soaked his shirt, and his sniffles filled your ears.
Still holding you close, Bucky moved you two to sit at the edge of the bed. Your sobs quieted and Bucky pulled away from you to look at you.
“Let me be there for you. Y/N I swear i love you, And believe it or not I love this baby too. From the moment I saw you, I’ve wanted to know you, and help you. These Past months I’ve fallen so hard for you. And call me crazy for it but I don’t know what I’d do without you here anymore. All i know is that i need you in my life more than you could need me. I will love you and help you as much as I possibly can. I can promise you I’ll never ever hurt you. I swear it. You’ve proven that you can protect yourself, but i’ll try damn hard anyway. You and the baby. If you let me. Please let me. Let me be with you and take care of you. You don’t have to do this alone.”
The sincerity in his eyes and the way he was caressing you made you want to push him away and reject him. But a voice inside you drowned out the thought and only screamed for you to let him in. “Ok.” Was all you said before you leaned in and kissed him before you could regret it.
You felt at home and peaceful for the few seconds your lips were joined together.
“Love is scary: it changes; it can go away. That’s the part of the risk. I guess I don’t want to be scared anymore. So let’s do this.”
**
4 years later
“Nova! Time to go! C’mon darling, get your sweater on.”
“I can’t find it mommy!” She yelled back from the living room.
“I got it.” Said Bucky as he walked in. He kissed you gently and went over to help Nova.
“Thank You daddy! Mommy hurry! We’re gonna be late.” She sassed standing at the door.
“Ok, Ok, I’m going. Remember i still have to carry your brother and sister.”
“Shit.” Bucky whispered. “Grant lost his shoe!” You groaned and waddled around looking for your two year olds shoe.
“You know what? We don’t have time for this. Just go get another pair and I’ll change them in the car. You grabbed your bag and ushered Nova out the door and into the car. Bucky came out a minute later with Grant. A couple minutes later, you were pulling out of your driveway and shortly after, you were pulling into Steve and Natasha’s.
“Hey Y/N! How’re Becca and Jamie today?” Natasha cooed as she went straight to crouching in front of your stomach once you walked in. Steve walked over to hug you and pick up his godson. “Nova, Wanna help me finish dinner?” Your daughter nodded emphatically. She loved her auntie Nat. That just left you and Bucky, Steve was taking Grant to their three year old boy Ethan. He helped you with your coat and stood in front of you. As close as he could with you once again pregnant belly in the way.
After Nova was born, (As Nova Phoebe Barnes), you quickly confirmed that Bucky was perfect. Everything (from her birth to the present) was 1000 times easier with him by your side. Without a doubt he was her father even if they didn’t share blood.
A month after Nova had turned one year old, Bucky and you were married. All doubts you ever had were long gone.
Though you were barely ever away from your baby girl except for the easiest of missions, you and Bucky managed to have little getaways every now and then when Nat and Steve agreed to babysitt. That’s how Grant David Barnes happened, conceived just four months after your wedding.
Through good times and bad, you both stuck to your vows, to each other, and to your little family.
Then just four months ago, you found out you were pregnant again. With twins.
Everyone teased you saying that you and Bucky couldn’t keep it in your pants and that you fucked like rabbits. Though partly true, let’s just say that super soldier sperm was powerful stuff. You enhancements didn’t help either.
Both your kids so far had tested positive for having you and Bucky’s abilities. But you didn’t need a test to prove that. All of ‘em kicked like kangaroos on steroids. Sometimes they’re playing and accidentally break things or hurt others without meaning to.
You’re training them to keep their powers under control slowly but surely. Never too early. Nova just learned to make tiny force fields. Her uncle Steve made sure she’s always safe though. It’s pep-talk central whenever she goes crazy or excited.
That’s how you got here. Happy at last, proud of the family you had built with the man you chose. You both still worked when you were needed but now you were only called for emergencies; for the next five months of your pregnancy and a few more after, you wouldn’t be called at all.
Bucky kissed you softly on the forehead, breaking you from your thoughts. “You okay?”
“Yeah, never better. Just thinking about how happy I am.” With a lingering kiss, you took his hand and led him to the dining room, where Nat and Nova were setting the table.
If anyone had told you five years ago that you'd be here, like this, you might have cried and rejected the idea. But now, seeing your family, you might cry for an entirely different reason.
***
Thanks for reading! Like/Reblog if you liked it! Feedback is always welcome!
summary: soulmate au! what do you do when you are in love with someone and want to spend the rest of your life with him, until you find out one day that he is not your soulmate?
prompt: “I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so badly.”
warnings: angst, break up, slightly fluff, get ready for a heartbreak :’)
word count: 2,1k
A/N: this fic is for @lovestrucktom and @peeterparkr’s romcom writing challenge!! hope you enjoy :)
masterlist | taglist
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You are meant to be with someone — what does that even mean?
How can a tattoo that suddenly appeared on your skin be the proof that someone is your soulmate? How does the universe or destiny or whatever find that even out?
Isn’t it silly to believe that you are meant to be with someone, just because you have a symbol on your skin that they happen to have too?
Love should not be determined, you should fall in love with whoever you want to fall in love with and not because something is inked to your skin for the rest of your life.
You are not really a fan of the whole soulmate thing. Maybe because you don’t like the thought of being with someone that you didn’t choose, or maybe because your heart belongs to someone since the second you saw him.
Against all rules of destiny, or the universe, you fell in love with the curly haired boy Tom Holland the first day you met him and Tom fell in love with you the first day he met you, so why should you care about a damn tattoo if you have already found the love of your life?
However, you believe that Tom is your soulmate, even if his tattoo is not the same as yours. But it is almost the same, so that still counts, right?
“I missed you, darling,” Tom whispers against your cheek, pressing a soft kiss on it immediately after. He pulls you close against his chest, his arm moving around your waist, so you can’t escape his grasp, even if you would never want to. This is your happy place.
A smile forming on your lips, you place your hand over his, interlacing your fingers together. “I missed you too, Tommy. So much.” Turning around in his arms, you cup his handsome face and let out a relieved sigh as you connect his soft rosy lips with your own.
The curly haired boy just came home from his boring office job and even if the both of you have only been apart for some hours, it feels like ages. You missed his cuddles and his kisses and the way he smiles so lovingly down at you.
Tom is your soulmate and the love of your life and no damn symbol is going to change that.
Nonetheless, there has to be a reason why you fell for the brunette and why he fell for you and why it feels like you two are meant to be together, even if that should not be the case. Your symbols are not the same and you both know that.
But maybe destiny made a mistake, maybe Tom is indeed your soulmate and someone just ... got it wrong? Someone ... confound it?
You ask yourself these questions almost every day and you will not accept another answer than that Tom and you are soulmates that got a wrong tattoo. Everything else is not possible.
“I made you a cup of your favorite tea,” Tom announces as he walks over to you and puts your favorite mug on the little table in front of you.
Grabbing his wrist to pull him down on the couch next to you, you place a small kiss on his temple, making him smile. “Thank you, Tommy. You are the best,” you mumble, nuzzling your head into his chest.
You can feel the vibration as he laughs gently. “I will do everything for you, darling,” he kisses the top of your head and your heart begins to flutter in your chest, “now tell me about your day.”
“I could listen to you talk all day and I would never get enough,” the brunette sighs and takes your hand in his to let his thumb brush over your knuckles.
Smiling up at him, you can not believe how freaking lucky you got with this one. “I would love to,” you giggle, “you are the best listener I know.”
He mirrors your smile, big brown puppy eyes staring into yours. “That is, in fact, the best compliment I have ever gotten,” he jokes.
“Yeah, I mean I am just great,” you tease, smirking widely and Tom can’t help himself but burst out laughing, his chocolate curls bouncing up and down.
A few giggles escape your lips as you watch the handsome boy next to you and in this moment you are the happiest person on the entire planet. You feel like you have never belonged anywhere more than right next to the brunette.
“I love you,” you sigh softly and lean over to Tom to press your lips against his for a gentle and loving kiss.
Tom’s mouth curves up into a wide smile, he will never get over the way you say these three words, and he will never get tired of hearing them. “I love you, too, y/n.”
You never thought that you would ever be at this point in your life, not even for a damn second — and you hoped, wished, prayed that you would never know what it would be like — The point where you doubt that there is no other person meant for you.
Tom and you are happy and you two have been nothing else since six freaking years, so why now? Why is this happening right now?
You saw the curly haired boy in your future, you saw yourself marrying him and becoming kids with him and growing old with him. He is your love, your world and your life, and you believed that no one else could take his place.
Never, not even once, did you think about falling in love with another person. But now this thought is there and it is freaking you out because it is so unreal and it can not happen, right? You can not be meant to be with someone else, right?
Tears fill your eyes as you watch Tom drift away from you a little more every passing day. You do not know what happened and you do not know what changed him so suddenly, but you are scared, almost terrified.
A life without Tom is a life you do not want.
For you, it feels like he is slowly fading away, no matter how tight you try to hold him and no matter how hard you try to make him stay. This is your fight, but not your decision.
For Tom, it feels like his life is falling apart in front of his eyes, and he can not do anything to stop it. He never wanted this, and he never thought that this could happen.
Soulmates are something he did not believe in. It is a bedtime story for children, a myth, nothing real. Well, until he met you, until you changed his view of the whole meant-to-be thing. You are his soulmate, and he was never more sure of anything else.
But now his life is taking a turn, and he realizes that he is not so sure about the soulmate thing anymore. He still hopes that he is wrong though, he never wished for anything more.
He wants you, and only you.
The moment he met the woman — his actual soulmate — still feels so unreal and as if he has only dreamed it, even if it happened weeks ago. His gaze flickered mindlessly to her tattoo on her wrist as she was packing her groceries out of the shopping cart and of course he immediately recognized it because this is his tattoo.
Tom’s eyes widened instantly as he continued to stare at her wrist and for some seconds the world stopped moving, time standing still. He felt his stomach flutter, a feeling that he knows all too well, but at the same time there was a pang in his heart that almost ripped him apart.
And yes, that is exactly what is happening to him right now. There are two soulmates, two people that his heart belongs to, and he gets pulled in both directions, feeling the need to make an undecidable decision.
A decision that he always hoped he never has to make.
The more days and weeks pass, the more Tom fades away. He is never home and when he is, he is not really there, physically but not mentally. He becomes a ghost, a person that does not exist anymore.
At first, you tried to ignore it, maybe this is only a complicated phase, maybe it is just a bad dream and if you hope and wish enough, you will wake up and everything will be okay.
But against all the pain in your chest, you accepted it — Tom and you are not meant to be. It is not fair to Tom to hold him back and it is not fair to yourself to cling on to something that is not there anymore. The two of you have to move on and find your actual soulmate, the person you belong to and always belonged to.
Packing your things and leaving Tom is the hardest thing you ever had to do and every fiber in your body prayed that this would never happen, but destiny made another decision and you can not change that.
Seeing you leave breaks Tom’s heart, even if his heart does not belong to you since a while anymore. He left you a long time ago without noticing and got more and more pulled into another direction, but he holds tightly on to you, not accepting that his worst nightmare is actually coming true.
Tom grabs your hand and you close your eyes as the first tears start to fill your eyes. This is not happening, this is not happening, this is not happening. “Please, Tom,” you whisper and you aren’t sure if Tom heard you, but the way he tightens his grip, tells you that he indeed heard your quiet whimper.
Silence falls between the both of you and you need all the strength in your body to turn around and meet his sad brown eyes that you immediately fell in love with years ago.
You let your eyes wander over his handsome face for the last time and your heart hurts terribly as you think about the last six years you have spent with the brunette boy in front of you.
All the memories, all the smiles and laughter, all the cuddles and sleepy kisses, all the late night adventures, all the I love you’s.
This is it, this is the end.
“I wanted it to be you, y/n. I wanted it to be you so badly.” Tears shimmer in his eyes and your heart feels like it is breaking all over again. “Life is not fair and it is sure as hell not fair to us, but I love you nonetheless,” he softly takes your face in his hands, “listen to me, darling. I love you more than I have ever loved someone and I will never love someone as much as I love you.”
Tom takes a deep breath to calm himself down and you bite down on your upper lip to suppress the sob that wants to escape your lips so badly. “We can make this work. This whole soulmate thing never mattered to us, so why should it now?” he questions and the way his voice is so soft and quiet and hopeful, you want to believe him, you really do, but you can’t.
Taking his hands in your own, you swallow the lump in your throat. “We can not, Tom. As much as I want to, we can’t. There are two people somewhere on this planet, and they deserve to be loved- they deserve to be loved by us. This is not our decision,” you whisper. “We can not ruin someone’s life, only to save our own.”
“I love you, y/n,” the brunette sobs as he lets go of your hands and you can see the brokenness in his eyes as he realizes that he really is about to lose you — the person he wanted to spend his entire life with.
Tom always thought that it was destiny that the two of you found each other. You were perfect for each other, even if the tattoo said something else. But still, there had to be a reason why you and him met, and there was no other explanation as ... destiny.
Softly brushing over his cheek and wiping the few tears away, you force your mouth to turn up into a gentle and encouraging smile. “You are going to be okay, Tommy. There is a person that will love you as much as she can and you will love her right back. It is going to be okay.”
Mirroring your smile, he nods softly. “We are going to be okay.”
Warnings: tiny bit of angst if you squint, fluff, mild cursing
Requested: No. This was for @definitely-not-black-cat & @nnatasha’s writing challenge where I had the prompt “You haven’t been yourself lately,” and also for @Marvelousxtsh & @peeterparkr’s writing challenge where I had the prompt “There’s a reason I’ve been alone all this time. I’m comfortable that way.” Prompts are highlighted in bold.
Summary: Y/N and Harry are roommates and best friends. She’s been out of the dating game for so long it’s become comfortable for her to NOT be in a relationship… What happens when she realizes she’s developed feelings for her best friend? Does he feel the same? Does she tell him or keep her feelings hidden?
Being roommates with Harry was like breathing… it was simple and easy, and it came naturally to both of you. You’d been living together for just over 2 years now after you had met him through your friend Harrison at a photo shoot they were doing. Harrison had asked for your help for the shoot since you were in the same line of work as he was and you had some experience with shoots as well. Once he introduced you to Harry, who of course was taking the photos that day, you both hit it off right away and became fast friends. So naturally when you needed a roommate, Harrison suggested Harry move in with you since he had been talking about moving out recently as well. After talking it over, you both agreed on it being a good idea since you were such good friends and the rest is history… until now, that is. Normally, you and Harry are good with the living arrangements, there’s no animosity between you, and you’re both comfortable around each other all the time. But lately, you’ve been noticing that your looks have been lingering just a little too long and that your thoughts always go back to Harry, making you wonder when all this happened. When did you develop feelings for your best friend…? And what were you going to do about it? He’d just gotten out of a relationship not too long ago, so you weren’t even sure he would want to even think about another one yet… Harrison… You needed to talk to Harrison. You left before Harry got back and made your way to Harrison’s apartment, knocking on the door, hoping he was home since you didn’t call or text before you just rushed over. Thankfully, after a couple seconds of waiting, you hear footsteps coming towards the door before you see it open as you look up.
“Y/N… what’s wrong?” Harrison asks you as he notices the expression on your face, stepping back to let you in the apartment. After you set your purse and keys on the table at the door, you run your fingers through your hair as you turn to look at him.
“Is anyone else here?” you ask quietly.
“No,” he shakes his head. “Are you okay?”
“I… I don’t know,” you tell him quietly as he leads you over to the couch to sit.
“Okay, take a breath. Just relax and talk to me,” he encourages you. “You know I’ll help you however I can.” You take a deep breath and let it out slow as you look from the floor up to him and spit out what you were holding in.
“I think I’m in love with Harry,” you blurt out quickly as you watch his eyes go wide.
“Uhm… what?” he asks.
“Yea…” you say quietly. “That was my reaction too,” you say before you bite your lip. “Haz… I don’t know what to do…”
“You have to talk to him, Y/N,” he tells you plainly. You shake your head furiously.
“No! You know I can’t do that,” you tell him.
“Why not?” he asks you.
“For one, you know how I am with guys… especially ones I like… and two… what if I lose my best friend…” you speculate as you look up at Harrison.
“Hey! I thought I was your best friend!” he jokes, making you laugh a little as you shove his arm.
“You know what I mean,” you laugh as he nods his head.
“I do… but, Y/N, wouldn’t talking to him and finding out if he feels the same be better than wondering?” he asks you.
“Maybe… I don’t know…” you say as you ponder the consequences of what could or couldn’t happen. “I just… I’m just too scared to lose him, Haz.”
“That’s understandable, but… it’s gonna come out eventually,” he tells you plainly. You give him a confused look.
“How do you mean?” you ask.
“I don’t mean that I would say anything. I wouldn’t do that to you, unless you wanted me to, of course. But, if you ignore this… and continue about your lives like nothing is going on… it’s gonna come out eventually. What are you gonna do the next time he brings a girl over? You know it’s gonna hurt you and it’s gonna be uncomfortable for you to be around them…” he tries to reason with you.
“You’re right… but there’s a reason I’ve been alone all this time. I’m comfortable that way...” you agree with him and sigh. “I guess I need to move out.”
“Y/N…” Harrison laughs. “Moving out is ridiculous. Just go talk to the boy.” You shake your head as you look at him.
“Not today, Haz… Soon… but not today,” you promise him. He gave you a sympathizing look before he hugged you.
“If you need anything, you know I’m here,” he tells you as you walk out the door and head back to your apartment. You drop your keys and purse on the table as you close the door and head to the kitchen. You stop in your tracks once you enter the kitchen and see Harry cooking at the stove, wearing nothing but a pair of grey sweatpants. You feel your breath hitch in your throat and you can only hope Harry didn’t hear it. He didn’t move so you thought you were safe on that part, so you continued what you were doing. What were you doing?
“Fuck… I forgot what I came in here for,” you laugh at yourself as you see Harry turn and laugh with you. “Shut up,” you tell him as he turns his attention back to the stove. “What are you cooking?” you ask as you walk over and peek around his shoulders.
“Just a simple spaghetti dish,” he tells you plainly.
“Oh, nice,” you smile. “Smells good. Is there a reason you’re cooking?” you ask him curiously.
“Yea…” he begins. “Mum had the bright idea to set me up with some girl that’s the daughter of someone she works with and she’s coming over tonight.”
“Oh… That sounds like fun,” you say sarcastically as you roll your eyes, trying to keep your emotions in check. You heard harry stifle a laugh before he turned his head to look at you.
“Do you really think I want to be going on some date that my Mum set me up on?” he asked you. You shrugged your shoulders.
“No idea,” you laugh. “But you don’t really have a choice, do you?” He shakes his head at you as he turns his attention to the pasta once again.
“No… I don’t. I just have to get through this tonight and then I don’t have to see her again,” he tells you plainly.
“You really don’t want to do this, do you?” you asked softly.
“No,” he shakes his head. “I don’t.”
“I’m sorry…,” you tell him.
“It’s ok. It’s not like there’s anything you could have done to stop it,” he offers. You give him a small smile as you turn to walk towards the fridge and grab a bottle of water. “Are you okay?” Harry asks just before you walk out of the kitchen and you turn to face him.
“Yea, just tired is all. I’ll be in my room so I don’t disturb you. Let me know if you need anything,” you tell him before you make your way to your room and close the door behind you. You plopped down on your bed and texted Harrison.
Y/N: It happened already…
Haz: What do you mean?
Y/N: His mum set him up on a blind date and he’s having her over for dinner. He’s cooking now…
Haz: Of course…
Y/N: What do I do now…?
Haz: What did he say?
Y/N: He’s not really interested. He just wants to get the night over with and then he doesn’t have to see her again…
Haz: That’s a good sign…
Y/N: Could also be a bad sign…
Haz: I see your point… But I don’t think it is. I think it’s just because it’s a blind date.
Y/N: I told him I was gonna stay in my room
Haz: That’s a good idea. Just relax for a while. Things will work out. You’ll see.
Y/N: Thanks, Haz
Haz: Anytime, Y/N
True to your word, you stayed in your room the rest of the night and actually fell asleep watching movies. The next day, you came out looking for breakfast to find Harry already sitting at the table in the kitchen.
“Morning,” he says as you walk up to the counter and pour a bowl of cereal. You nod your head at him and he laughs. “Sleep well?”
“Eh, I guess. Fell asleep watching movies,” you tell him.
“I know,” he laughs. “I came to see if you wanted to watch one after she left but you were already asleep.”
“Sorry,” you laugh as you sit across the table from him and eat your cereal.
“Are you sure you’re ok? You haven’t been yourself lately,” Harry asks you. You shrug your shoulders as you shovel more cereal in your mouth so you can’t talk. “Well, if you want to talk, you know I’m here,” Harry offers as you nod your head before he gets up and heads back to his room. You let out a sigh once you know he is out of ear shot. You let yourself think through everything for a few minutes before you get up enough nerve to go and knock on Harry’s door. “Hey, something wrong?” he asks as he opens the door.
“No, I just… I wanted to… Can we talk?” you ask as you look between Harry and the floor making him laugh a little. He’d never seen you so worked up.
“Of course,” he tells you as he opens the door and you walk in. You both sit on the edge of his bed as he waits for you to start. “Take your time, okay?” he tells you softly as you nod. You take a minute to breathe and try to settle your nerves before you start to speak.
“Harry… I,” you begin quietly. Harry notices that you’ve begun to wring your hands together and he remembers that you only do that when you have a lot of anxiety. He reaches over and takes your hands in his, rubbing small circles on the backs with his thumbs.
“It’s ok… just breathe… It’s just me,” he tells you.
“That’s part of why this is so difficult,” you half laugh.
“Oh god… you’re not moving out are you?” Harry freezes making you laugh.
“No,” you laugh. “But you might want me to after this talk.”
“Okay...Let’s hear it then,” he tells you. You take one last breath and let it out slowly.
“Okay… so, I uhm… I’ve noticed over the past little while that I’ve developed feelings for you,” you say quickly as you look at the floor. You hear Harry chuckle and you look up at him. “Why is that funny?”
“Because I already knew that,” he tells you as you glare at him.
“You knew?” you ask as he nods. “How?”
“The way you act around me, certain looks and touches, the little things… besides, I’ve had feelings for you as well, so it’s not like it’s the end of the world… Why do you think my last relationship ended?” he half laughed.
“Wait, what? Your last relationship ended because of me?” you ask in shock.
“Yea,” Harry laughs. “She said she could tell we were in love with each other and that she and I would be better off just ending it then, so she did. And she was right, on all accounts,” he says as he reaches up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.
“So… what does this mean… for us?” you ask. He leans in slowly and presses his lips to yours in a soft kiss. When he starts to pull away, you put your hand on his neck and pull him back to you. Feeling him smile into the kiss, you move your lips against his as you feel his hands rest on your waist. You pull back first this time, and as you do, Harry bites your bottom lip.
“Been waiting to do that for the longest time…” he says quietly as he leans his forehead against yours, smiling.
“Well… the upside is… now you can do it whenever you like,” you giggle as you return his smile and press a soft kiss to his lips.
Hello, my loves! This is for like 4 writing challenges, so I hope you guys don’t mind! @petersshirts, @marvelousxtsh @peeterparkr , @spideycaps @hollandsosterfield, & @starksparker thank you all so much for letting me combine the challenges and for being so amazing as always! I love you all!
Enjoy! Feedback is appreciated!
This one is super personal to me, so I had a harder time with it, but I hope you all like it anyway!
Word Count - 1974
Warnings - ANGST!
Moodboard by the lovely @marvelousxtsh!
There it was again. Your stomach was bubbling with anger as you followed Harrison into your shared apartment. Between the flirtatious waitress from the restaurant and him ignoring you for most of the night, you couldn’t help but be frustrated. There was heat rising in your cheeks, and the more you thought about it, the more your stomach twisted and the more your intrusive thoughts bothered you, preventing you from being able to think about anything else. You’d recognize this feeling anywhere. Jealousy.
You hated to feel this way, but Harrison had even reached out, touched the waitress’s shoulder before laughing gently at some stupid joke she’d made. Tom eyed you warily when he thought you weren’t paying attention. But of course, you had seen it. You tried desperately to involve yourself in the conversation for about ten minutes before falling silent, picking at your food. Part of you started to wonder why he’d even invited you along if he was just going to flirt with the waitress and ignore you to talk to Tom.
You’d been single for two years before finally letting Harrison in, and times like this made you question why you’d ever taken a chance with him in the first place. While you were single, you were undoubtedly lonely, but things were just easier that way. You didn’t have to rely on another person or put your trust in them. It was safe, and in a world where you never know who’s going to hurt you next, you would take all the safety you could get.
Part of you, though, really wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. You wanted to believe that maybe he was just being friendly with the waitress, instead of flirting with her. It wasn’t his fault that you had such a rough time dating before him. And he surely wasn’t anything like your exes, but you couldn’t deny the feeling of deja vu at everything happening around you. Part of you also knew that your anxiety was likely blowing the whole incident up dramatically. It couldn’t have been nearly as bad as it looked, but you just couldn’t stop torturing yourself with it over and over again, your brain nagging that he should be with her instead of you. By the time you’d both made it home, you were so confused and exhausted that you couldn’t have denied something being wrong if you wanted to, which is why Harrison picked up on your mood immediately.
“Alright, what’s the matter with you?” He grumbled, crossing his arms in front of him and eyeing you warily.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You grumbled, mimicking his actions and crossing your arms as well. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in between his pointer finger and his thumb.
“Can you please not do that this time? Can we please not beat around the bush? It shouldn’t be this hard to get you to talk to me.”
“Harrison, just let it go, okay? It’s fine. I’ll be fine in a little while.”
“Or you could just talk to me, and I can try to make you feel better right now.” He offered gently, scoffing when you rolled your eyes at him. “Or not. Fuck me for caring, I guess, right?” He grumbled, facing away from you.
“She kept looking at you!” You shouted, throwing your hands up in exasperation.
“Who did?!” His tone matched yours.
“The waitress! Who else, Harrison?!” You hissed more harshly than you’d intended.
“The waitress. Please tell me you aren’t being serious.” He deadpanned, eyebrows rising with annoyance.
“ I’m not stupid, Harrison, I was right there! You were too busy flirting with her and hanging out with Tom to notice me.”
“I wasn’t flirting with anyone! You aren’t making any sense. Darling, be logical for once, you’re overre-”
“Don’t you dare say I’m overreacting. I’ve seen this movie before, I know how it ends.” You scowled, stabbing a finger in his direction.
You huffed in frustration. Deep down, you knew Harrison was right and that it was likely harmless. You should have talked it out with him because you knew he would be the one to help you feel secure in your relationship with him again. But, if you were being honest, you weren’t sure you were ready to forgive him and talk it out just yet. The insecurities were becoming too much to handle anymore, so you started to do the one thing you always did on the rare occasions that Haz and you would get into a fight. You needed to go for a short drive to clear your head and make some decisions. You needed to leave.
Grabbing your jacket that had been rested on the back of the couch, you pulled it over your shoulders before brushing past him on your way to the door. He let out a sigh, wrapping his fingers around your waist and pulling you back to face him. You tried not to let them, but the tears stung your eyes anyway. You had to get out of the apartment before the thing blew up into something bigger than it was. You could feel the words you didn’t mean burning on the edge of your tongue, the acidity of them making you swallow harshly. Despite feeling like shit yourself, you didn’t want to hurt him.
“You always walk away...but for once please stay.” Tears collected in the bases of his eyes and you could feel guilt tugging at your heart, writhing in your gut uncomfortably. It was like a light had been turned on and suddenly you could see how much you walking away hurt him in the past. You’d never thought twice about it, going with your gut when the fight or flight instinct kicked in, but Harrison was showing you how much it bothered him for the first time. “Please don’t go, just talk to me. Let me make you feel better.” He practically begged and you could feel your heart shatter in your chest. He reached out as if he wanted to touch your face, but pulled away, not knowing if it would push you away more.
“There’s a reason I had been alone all that time. I’m more comfortable that way.” You shrugged, avoiding his eyes. He tried to look into them, only to have you look the opposite way. He let out a long breath, slowly letting you go.
“What are you saying, Y/N?” His voice sounded worn and horse as if the two of you had been screaming at each other all night, but neither of you had even really raised your voices.
“I don’t know.” You grumbled, shrugging, trying to steady your breathing and stop the tears from rolling down your cheeks.
“Oh don’t give me that shit, Y/N! You do know. What, are you going to leave me?” His voice broke and you could feel your chin begin to tremble. You didn’t trust your voice, so you shrugged your shoulders instead. “Really?” He asked, his lips beginning to quiver.
You didn’t answer him, and in fact, you still couldn’t look at him, the guilt you felt was becoming unbearable. The lump in your throat was making it harder to breathe evenly, and your head was starting to hurt from the amount of crying you were doing. For maybe the hundredth time that night, you wished you could just be normal. From the corner of your eye, you could see him run his fingers along his chin, tears welling up and spilling out over his cheeks. His beautiful blue eyes held sadness and frustration and you hated yourself for doing this to him. You didn’t want to leave him, but part of you knew that he would be so much better off when he didn’t have to deal with you anymore. While what you were doing seemed selfish to him now, you knew letting him go would be the best thing for him. You took a step back, causing his watery eyes to look into yours.
“Okay. Okay.” He whimpered gently. “I can’t make you stay. I can’t- but just listen to me, okay? Hear me out, and when I’m done if you still want to leave, I’ll-” He stopped to take a second to take a deep breath and clear his throat “-I’ll let you go. Okay?”
“O-okay.” You agreed, nodding your head gently as more salty tears pushed the old ones down your cheeks and off your jaw.
“Y/N. I only have eyes for you, darling. I try so hard to prove that to you, and I know I don’t always do the best job. I’m yours. I’m all yours, pretty girl, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I know you have a hard time being inside your own head sometimes, but I promise you it was not my intention to make you feel left out or ignored tonight. And as far as that waitress goes, she has absolutely nothing on your beauty, inside and out. There are billions of people on this planet, and I fell in love with you. How incredible is that?” He encouraged, and you knew he was struggling to keep it together, though he was trying hard not to show it. Slowly, he lifted his hands to cup your cheeks, holding you gently as if you’d shatter under his palms.
“Harrison you deserve better.”
“And so did you. I always thought that’s why we were brought together because for once each of us found someone who was good to us and for us. I know how hard it’s going to be. This isn’t our first fight of this nature, and it sure as hell won’t be the last. But, I’m prepared to be here with and for you through everything. I know some days are harder than others, and some days are downright ugly, but this is me promising you that I will not leave your side. I love you, Y/N. Only you, and if you’d have me, I will spend every day of the rest of my life proving it.”
Tears spilled down both of your cheeks, and you bit your lip as you wrapped your arms tightly around his neck. Both of you let out the air in your lungs out in pure relief of being in each other’s arms again. He wrapped his arms around your middle, holding you tightly and pressing a kiss to your shoulder. It was a reminder, that he was yours and you reveled in the feeling. For the first time ever, you felt confident and comfortable with another person in your life. He loved you and accepted you for who you were, and acknowledged that you weren’t always going to have good days and that your bad days wouldn’t disappear in one night. His promise to be patient with you was all you’d ever wanted in a relationship and more, and you couldn’t’ have been more grateful to him for showing you the love and support from a partner that you’d always needed, but never gotten before.
“I’m so sorry, Harrison. Can you ever forgive me for acting that way?” You sniffled, burying your face into his neck.
“Shh, darling. There’s nothing to forgive. You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere.” He soothed reassuringly, running his hand down your hair and making sure to hold you tight enough to remind you that he wasn’t going to leave your side. As you pressed your lips firmly to his, you realized you’d really hit the jackpot with Harrison, and you hoped that you would never forget just how lucky you were to have him because you knew he would never fail to make you feel secure again.
