I don't know where these words are going. Maybe nowhere. Maybe everywhere.
I just know I need to leave them here.
Today, at 12 and a half years old, I entered the void.
I still can't believe I'm writing that.
There were so many nights when I thought I'd never get here. I doubted myself more times than I can count. I questioned every attempt, every feeling, every tiny bit of progress. I kept wondering what I was missing while everyone else made it sound so easy.
Something inside me changed.
I remember thinking, Fuck this. I'm done.
I stopped treating the void like it was somewhere outside of me that I had to earn my way into. If this is my reality, then why was I asking for permission?
I lay down, closed my eyes, and let go of the need to force anything. I stopped checking whether I was "there" yet. I stopped waiting for something dramatic to happen. I let my body become completely still while my mind became quiet. Everything around me seemed to fade into the background until all that was left was awareness.
There was a moment when I no longer cared about time or where I was lying. My body felt distant, almost like it didn't matter anymore. I wasn't thinking about whether it was working—I just was. The silence felt endless, peaceful, and effortless.
As if I'd been capable of it all along and had finally stopped getting in my own way.
Entering the void feels as effortless as deciding to do it. I don't chase it anymore. I don't doubt it anymore. I simply trust myself, and that's enough.
Today wasn't just aboout entering the void
The day I chose certainty over fear.
I don't need permission anymore.
I don't need proof anymore.
I don't need validation anymore.
I am the god of my reality.
Everything begins with me, and everything changes because I decide it does.
The day I remembered my own power.
(actually the Aug 6 part was scripting but I did enter the void few days later)
