FULL VERSION! - It's you, Cyare. I want you. (Codywan), for all you AO3 deprived poor souls.
I posted an excerpt earlier. I don't usually put my fanfics fully on Tumbr, I prefer people go to them on AO3. But for all those of you who miss AO3, have the full one-shot shorty:
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"It'll be fine," he tried to tell himself. "It'll be fine, Cody. It'll be fine." But he wasn't quite convicted.
He was standing in the hallway, outside general Kenobi's room, pacing. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been so nervous. He was being ridiculous, of course. The war was over, he should be happy! And if he was going to worry about anything, he should be worried about himself, about his men. Not… this.
The war was over, and who knew what would happen next? What would they do with the clone army they no longer needed? Would they be repurposed? Decommissioned? What would become of the separatist planets? What of the Jedi generals? What would happen now? All of that to worry about, and instead his mind was on Kenobi.
His Jedi could probably sense the clone stressing himself out right outside his quarters. Would he know what about? In fact, why hadn't he come to check?
But no, that was ridiculous. Obi-Wan cared about him; maybe not in the way he wanted, the way he was hoping, but at the very least he cared about him as a commander. But the war is over now, a voice inside his head piped up, he doesn't need a commander anymore… Still, Kenobi cared, it was simply who he was. Cody was sure of it.
The commander had promised himself long ago that he would have this talk. When the war ended, he always told himself. When it was over, he would tell Obi-Wan. He would tell him of the way the room always brightened a little when Kenobi entered. Of how the general always reminded him of the best kind of caf- comforting, warm, bracing. He would tell him how he'd always cherished every word his general spoke, every single sarcastic comment, every eye roll, because in war you never know when it might be the last.
He would tell Obi-Wan that he wanted him, that he needed him. He'd promised himself he would tell.
And yet now he stood here, his mind was full of what if's. What if he scared Kenobi off, what if the general wouldn't want to see him anymore after this? Or worse, what if he felt the same way? Attachments were forbidden for Jedi, and the last thing he wanted was to cause a rift between Obi-Wan and his order. He knew what the Jedi Order meant to him.
Scenarios kept playing themselves out in Cody's head. Obi-Wan would exit his room, and they would talk. It never went well.
One time, he pictured Obi-Wan leaving his room, and instead of talking, Cody's throat simply closed up. The general didn't even notice him, he just walked off.
Other times, Cody pictured himself speaking.
"Cyare, I need you," he would say, "Cyare, I want to spend my time with you. To share our morning caf, to listen to your voice in the evenings. To complain to each other about our day, about boil's antics and skywalker's latest mischief. I want us to sit together as I write my reports and you read your novels. I want to kiss you goodnight every evening. Every evening, from today until the end. I want to be by your side, from now until the day you join the force and I join my lost brothers. Obi-Wan, my general, my dear… Now that the war is over, I can finally focus on what I want, and it's you, Cyare. I want you."
"Oh," the Obi-Wan in Cody's head had simply replied, a look of deepest pity on his face.
He never laughed, the Obi-Wan in Cody's nervous mind. He was never cruel or ill willing. It was always pity, mild embarrassment. Painful empathy.
"Commander, I am flattered, but…"
"Cody, you have always been a brother to me…"
"Commander, your duty to the GAR should come first…"
"My dear, I appreciate it, but you know the council…"
"Oh Cody, I'm sorry… If only you'd told me sooner."
"Commander?" Cody shook his head, bringing himself back to the present. Boil had entered the hallway, walking towards him, "Commander?" he asked, "What are you doing here?"
Cody cleared his throat, trying his best to sound professional. "Ahem. I eh, had something to discuss with general Kenobi, Boil." he said, straightening out a bit to put more weight and authority behind his words.
"Well, good luck with that here, he's at the barracks." Boil said, a smug grin spreading on his face. "He's was outside your room, looking for you."
Cody made to answer, but somehow his voice failed him. Instead, he just turned around, and set off towards the barracks. He didn't mean to run, but his pace was picking up with every step. He wanted to get this over with; if he could just talk to Obi-Wan, even if he was rejected, at least it would be over. Or wouldn't have to worry anymore.
Halfway on his way towards the barracks though, Cody had to halt suddenly, as something was coming towards him at a startling speed. He stopped just in time to avoid a collision, as the 'something' came to a halt in front of him as well. That something was general Kenobi.
They were both panting slightly from the effort of running, and for a moment Cody felt too out of breath to speak. As he caught his breath, his eyes locked with Obi-Wan's, the gem-like blue as comforting as it was entrancing. Suddenly, all his worries melted away, and he just wanted to get closer, to hold him. He made to speak, but so did the general.
For a second, a very long second, they both fell silent. Their gazes still met, gripping each other, pulling like magnets. It was warm, and welcoming, and right. Without thinking, without worrying, Cody stepped forwards, as did his Cyare, both wrapping their arms around each other as they leant in.
And then their lips met.
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Like this? Please visit it on ao3 when it's back online :)
https://archiveofourown.org/works/80476826
Feel free to send me any fanfic writing requests in these dire times :p
