Paring: Reader x Mark Lee
Genre: Angst, light fluff,
Warnings: Mentions about suicide & depression
Tell me love is endless, don't be so pretentious
You told me we would be forever. You wanted to marry me, have kids, and have a family together. Our kids would listen to the lullabies we sing and be kissed on their foreheads. We would try our best to be there for them and watch them grow to become beautiful children. You said that we would love until we grow old, with wrinkles and gray hair. That you would watch me water the daises and dance with me to the soft sound of your voice. We would admire our grandchildren, and always be there for me until I or you died. That if we got sick, we would get through it together, and one would watch over the other. It was supposed to be just like this. You promised me to never leave me, you promised me to never hurt me, you promised me you would stay with me for eternity.
You don’t need me. You made it clear, I don’t need you either. You don’t need me to cook your lunches every day, cook you dinner when you come home, clean the house, do everything to please you, and to come home. A home that is clean, safe, and comfortable for you to rest, so you can work the next day. You never asked, but I did it anyway, I did everything for you so you can be happy. To me it was a need you had, cleaning your clothes, polishing your shoes, organizing your desk every night you came back. It made me sick, but made me happy, knowing you always had a home and a wife to come to. That at home, you had someone who cared about you and loved you more than anything.
You can manage on your own, you are a grown man, who can take care of himself. Take care of yourself, promise me you will love her more than me. You will care for her more than me, treat her better than how you treated me. It’s not your fault, its also my fault, for not being enough for you, that I always didn’t make butterflies in your stomach, or make you crazy every time I kissed you. That I did not make you smile anymore, make you happy anymore, that I didn’t make you feel loved anymore.
You wouldn’t want to see me. I would help you, I have no purpose anymore. You don’t look forward to seeing me, I’m not worth your time anymore. I get lucky if I make eye contact with you, or even see you. I’m like a ghost, you look and walk right through me. I’m seen as a maid for you, you throw clothes at me and tell me to wash them. You even yelled at me over little things, and I obeyed like a poor slave. All I wanted was for you to be happy, but I could tell by just you looking at me, that you no longer loved me.
Those angelic eyes could turn dour within a second, those words once sweet turned bitter, simmering in my brain. Your eyes didn’t light up when you saw me, you didn’t blush when I complimented you, you didn’t even smile when I talked to you. From my eyes, you became someone I didn’t know anymore, you were someone who I thought I knew, but who I fell in love with no longer existed. I wanted to marry my best friend, but I do not know where he went, he is lost somewhere I cannot find.
better hurry 'cause I'm leaving soon
I’m leaving, and you can’t stop me, it’s what we both want. I’m doing this for us, for both of us to be happy. Nothing you would do would stop me, nothing, forget the ‘I love you’s forget the questions, forget me. If you ever want to leave us on “good terms” you can find me. See me one last time, before I go. I doubt you will make it though, its the best for us. The plane leaves and never turns back, just like I will never turn back on us.
I would fly through the clouds to escape this hell that keeps me. I know once I leave, you will not follow, I’m not worth chasing after, I’m not worth your time, money, or your love. I know I’m right, and you know it too. The only reason you would stop is not to love, but guilt that eats you up inside endlessly. It marks all the regrets and mistakes in your heart, that you supposedly have. But none of it was regret or a mistake, it was a miracle or wish sent by the world, that we should no longer be together.
Instead of saving me, I saved myself. I saved myself from you, from our love, from everything. I stopped myself from jumping off a building, drowning in a pool, crying until my body was pale, and leaving this world from you. I knew you would never forgive yourself if I did any of that, you would never love again and constantly live in fear. Fear that you would hurt the next person you loved, and lose them the next minute. So I saved myself for you, so you can continue to love, and live. Live happy and healthy, physically and emotionally, with someone else. I don’t need your saving. No, we didn’t get through it together, but I got through it by myself.
You knew I had depression, yet you didn’t bother to help, but in this world, you need to do something yourself if someone else won’t do it for you. I found my safety, it’s away from you. Not in the way you think, but in the way I know. I know who you are, I know what you have become and it’s unfortunate that I can’t do anything to help you. You need to fix yourself before you can help someone else. A broken raft will not help someone live in the empty ocean and be saved, they will die, and find a better life. You are the broken raft, and this plane is my empty ocean. So leave me damaged and hurt, while I fall deep into the ocean, watching the sunlight disappear as the water fills up my lungs and my body sinks to the bottom.
Taste me, these salty tears on my cheeks, that's what a year-long headache does to you
Yes, tears are falling down my face, because of you. I’m not going to lie, you did hurt me in more ways than one. Once you started you didn’t stop. My skin is filled with salt from my tears, saltier than the Dead Sea. But that’s what I am dead, dead of my love. I am a withered flower, that’s lost all of its petals, with a stem that can snap with a touch. My head hurts more than childbirth, nothing would ever relieve it from the damage you’ve done to me. Sleepless nights waiting on you, with pains in my head, heart, and legs.
My feet, blistered from running all over the world looking for you, just to find you with someone else. Running to give you your charger, running to give you lunch, and running to get you more of your wishes. My feet became numb, and so did my heart. It grew cold, pushing away everyone who said, you were using me, never loved me, and never cared about me. Those who genuinely cared about me, those who I will actually cry over when I leave. You have the nerve to call me spoiled, vexatious, and useless, when you, in fact, we're just looking in the mirror, letting it out on me. The tears scattered across my arms, legs, and clothes, soaked from my wailing. You stuck to me like a weed, only making me worse every day until I give in and break.
Don't say I'm all that matters
Lie. All you do is lie, lie until you convince yourself that is it right. You told me the world does not revolve around me, but it revolves around you. I’m not anything to you anymore, you want nothing from me. You are so selfish, admit it. You know you can get any girl that wants you but you just wanted to see me in pain. You already stabbed me, but now you are just twisting the knife. the blood had already drawn as it drips and dries until there is none left. You have the touch of poison, killing my emotions, making me collapse into the ground.
Any girl you want is yours, any life you want is yours, anything you want you to get. You don’t care who you have to push, hurt, or kill in order to get what you want. You are sick. You are unstable. You make me bawl. You make me mangled. Those kisses that left me speechless, now faded, as they are replaced by curses and cold beds. You asked if I am okay, ‘I’m fine’, you asked if I’m tired, ‘I’m fine’, you asked if I hurt ‘I’m fine’. Lies, leave me lonely, and leave me to be ‘fine’ everything is ‘fine’ is what I told myself when I deceived myself and knew it wasn’t.
Call my friends and tell them that I love them
My friends who were there for me, the ones who cared about me. The ones who. loved me more than you, who saw my salty tears stream down. My friends who made me feel happy, who made me stop trying to do stupid things. They all encouraged me to keep going and find a reason to live. It was them who stopped me from jumping off that building, them who saved me from drowning, them who held me back from jumping into the fire, they were there for me when you weren’t They are the reason I am standing, breathing, living, not you, you made it worse. You made me feel unloved, abandoned and left to rot. You never saw the tears or broken glass, the room falling silent to only her my sniffles. I cried myself to sleep thinking about you, why I hung on for so long, why I didn’t; let go, why did I let myself become this way. This is what. I thought love was for a long time, I thought it was normal, but it was my friends who told me otherwise.
I love them, more than you, you are at the bottom go my heart eating up all of my love until my heart becomes dead and black. I don’t know what love is anymore, you made me believe that holding me tight was a sign of love, that leaving me alone was a sign of love, that keeping me from my friends was a sign of love. I am lost, more lost than a blind turtle finding its way to the ocean. At least the turtle is free, unlike me, and will find its way to the ocean. My ocean resides away from you, away from your toxic words and actions.
You made me believe they were telling lies, that they didn’t know what was good for me when in reality they showed me what was real. How you mistreated me and left me to drown in my tears. My heartfelt constrained and no longer was beating for you. You drank all of my salty tears, choked my lungs, and filled my heart with pain. You would leave me in a heartbeat, while my friends would leave after my heart is gone. It is wounded, and can no longer be healed. So if you see my friends tell them I missed them, and not you. For what you’ve done I would never miss you. Not anymore, maybe that poor girl you dated five years ago might, but now that girl is a woman, and no longer misses childish things. You will never be forgotten, but you will never be missed, not by anyone. So if you see my friends, told tell them that I will miss them, especially more than you.
Forget it. It’s not worth your time to apologize, because I am going to leave and never look back, I won’t regret leaving you because you left me. I won’t apologize either, its not my fault, it's not me it's you. I will be so relieved the moment the plane flies into the air and I’m free from your chains that keep me from the light of day. The sun will rise and the birds will sing for I will be free, the flowers will blossom as its petals delicately cascade in the air. Don’t bother chasing after me, I will never forgive you no matter how much you do or how long it takes you to realize how you messed up. You hit a bump in the road and you suffer the crash, enjoying life without me. It’s not worth coming to see me to come to apologize, I won’t accept them. t will flow out from one ear out the other. You are dead to me, and I would never accept words from a ghost.
I will be missed, my friends will be missed, you are in my heart, but not in a good way. In a bad way, that teaches me to learn from my mistakes and grow from them. From your despair, I will be happy, and learn how to love. From you I know to not cheat, lie, or leave my lover alone. That love is very important in life and everyone will strive to get it. I missed everything I wanted with you, more valentines, anniversaries, engagement, having a wedding, eventually having kids, its what I wished I had with you. I missed a path in life, but I know I would not be happy in it. If I was not able to be happy on that path, that path is not worth taking, no matter who you are.
So here I am boarding this plane, hoping you will not come and stop me, hoping you won’t say anything with my broken heart, that will eventually heal once I board that plane. I will gaze out the window and see the blue sky above the clouds, looking at the world ahead of me.
So y/n waited for their plane once she was about to board she heard stomping footsteps running towards her, screaming their name begging them to stop. y/n looked and saw him and her heart dropped into her stomach and the tears were starting to form again. He stood and watched her soft eyes cascade tears landing on her sweatshirt. He reached to embrace her and she hesitated but over guilt, she let him hug her. It was a warm hug that turned cold, thinking about what he did to her. They both were silent, as they both looked at each other he kissed her forehead and simply said “sorry.” You sighed but he whispered “promise me one thing” you nodded “don’t let anyone treat you as bad as me, find someone who will make you happy and feel butterflies every time you touch. Spend as much time with them, because you don’t know how long it will last, you are a good person y/n, and you deserve the best person to love you.”
You kiss him back one last time and say goodbye looking back at him as you board the plane, he smiles and waves, you wave and sat in your seat and felt a bittersweetness in your heart. As you saw the plane lift its feet and felt the air take you, you finally felt relaxed in a long time. Watching the birds fly alongside you, looking down at the city and the people you left behind. “I’m sorry” you whisper down to your beloved city, leaving it all behind.
