⋆˙⟡ texts with bf mark, jaemin, hyuck
── .✦ your boyfriend finds out you have a bad migraine
(this is super self indulgent, but my chronic migraine havers will get it)
pairing ⇢ nct dream x afab!reader
genre ⇢ fluff, suggestive
©mcracha
seen from China
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Germany

seen from Malaysia
seen from Germany

seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from Philippines

seen from Canada
seen from United States
seen from France
seen from Netherlands
seen from Netherlands

seen from France
seen from Japan

seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from Ecuador

seen from Australia
⋆˙⟡ texts with bf mark, jaemin, hyuck
── .✦ your boyfriend finds out you have a bad migraine
(this is super self indulgent, but my chronic migraine havers will get it)
pairing ⇢ nct dream x afab!reader
genre ⇢ fluff, suggestive
©mcracha
That Look
idol!mark x mua!reader, fem!reader, fluff, a little secretive, i’ve been OBSESSED with this mark gif ever since I saw it and had to write a little drabble for it… 677 words, no warnings
The lights of the mv set were far too bright to be comfortable, and Mark Lee was struggling to not cough through the thick fog a machine in the corner was spitting out. He fiddled with his jacket absentmindedly as the cameras adjust.
“Okay, we’re gonna try again with the new angle!”
He nods professionally, but his eyes are scanning the busy crew swarming around the set. His eyes pass by stylists, camera operators, and production assistants until he spots you weaving through members with a makeup bag in hand.
You were his makeup artist. His trusty employee who made sure his imperfections were unnoticeable under the spotlight that was always on him.
And also possibly, maybe, secretly the girl he was in love with and had been dating for seven months.
You were in full professional mode as you grabbed a brush out of your bag, pushing a clipboard under your arm as you approached Mark.
"Shiny,” you mutter, gesturing to his forehead.
He kneels down so you can dab at his face, and his eyes stare straight into your own. His lips curve into a soft smile unconsciously, and he melts into the familiar feeling.
"Long day," he mutters quietly.
You fight the urge to comfort him, but you pat his cheek extra softly with a powder puff.
“Stop talking or you’re gonna crease.”
He smirks despite himself.
“Yes, ma’am."
You roll your eyes, but are quickly interrupted by the director.
"Makeup clear?"
You step away a little too quickly, nearly tripping over the cord for a strobe light as you do.
“All good.”
Mark curses under his breath, your perfume still lingering in the space you just vacated. He wants nothing more but to follow as you slip away, but he forces himself to turn back to the camera.
Fifteen minutes later and the director is yelling again, this time calling for a five minute break and some water for the talent.
The boys quickly disperse, glad for a couple minutes away from the burning lights. Mark heads away from the eyes of the staff and towards where he knows you’ll be.
You’re switching out products from your makeup bag when he finds you.
“Hi, pretty.”
You look over at him, eyes softening instantly.
“What is up with you today?”
“Nothing,” he says, but moves even closer, no longer fighting the pull he feels to be near you.
“I had to leave the set because you keep looking at me like that,” you giggle softly as his hands find their way to your waist.
“Like what?” he asks innocently.
“Like you’re five seconds away from kissing me in front of the entire crew,” you say, smacking his bicep as he pulls the two of you chest to chest.
"Well maybe I want to," he responds quietly, dipping down towards your face.
"Mark," you warn, even as you stretch to meet him halfway.
Your lips touch for just a second before you hear something on set and push him away.
He sighs and leans against a nearby wall, trying to look nonchalant.
“This sucks."
"I know," you say quietly.
The two of you stand quietly for a moment, waiting for your heartbeat to calm down and steeling yourself to act professional again.
"After this, let's get dinner," he proposes, keeping his voice low. "Somewhere quiet, just us."
You give him a look. "It’s cute you think filming will be over before midnight.”
"Then I'll buy you breakfast instead."
You laugh freely, and pride swells in Mark’s chest when he sees you throw your head back.
The moment is immediately ruined by a production assistant.
"Mark, they need you back."
He straightens immediately.
“Of course.”
The assistant gives the two of you a strange look before disappearing.
"You need to be more careful!” You scold.
"I am," he says, already walking away. "Mostly."
You toss a beauty blender at his back, hitting him right between the shoulder blades. He turns around with a laugh, sending you a kiss before finally making his way back to filming.
Currently working on a Mark fic… stay tuned 👀
WE DESERVE DIFFERENT PEOPLE, MARK
pairing: NCT Mark x reader
others: Haechan
genre: drama, romance, coming of age, new adult, established relationship!au, college!au, humour
warnings: angst, mature themes, break up, emotional turmoil, addiction (weed), mentions of overdosing, vomiting and hallucinating (nothing graphic or too serious), miscommunication, healing, happy ending
words: 13k
synopsis: your boyfriend Mark is very charming and sweet. At least he was that before he became addicted to weed. Despite your love for him, you know you can’t do this anymore. You need Mark to get it together, suggesting you two take a break. As you meet at a party, you’re not really sure anymore you wanted the break in the first place.
_____
To commemorate Mark's first solo album, here's my first Mark fic!! Mark The Firstfruit lessgoooooo!!!
____
You stared at your reflection in the grimy window of the campus café, feeling like an actor caught in an unwritten scene. Outside, the sun hid behind heavy clouds that poured the heaviest thunderstorm you’ve seen in a while, mirroring your inner feelings perfectly, the anxious tremor of your heart echoing with the storm.
Students ran over the campus, books and bags above their heads to protect themselves from the heavens’ weeping. You, sitting inside the intimate space of this dimly lit cafe, would rather find yourself running under that rain, than sit with weight of a conversation looming before you heavily. You were convinced at this point, the only reason for this weather was you.
Mark walked in in a hurry, shaking the rain off his jacket sleeves, deciding on taking it off and leaving it at the rack by the entrance. As he found you with his eyes, his mouth plastered a shy smile and you gave him a weak attempt of a wave of your fingers as a hello. Before dropping his body on the chair in front of you, he leaned in and pressed a kiss to your cheek.
“Hello, angel.” Mark’s eyes ran over the menu. You didn’t give him a chance to get comfortable, order a drink and prepare himself mentally for what you could possibly say. His gaze focused on you, not understanding why you didn’t say anything back to him. It’s only because you felt physically ill to say the words out loud. But you couldn’t hold it in anymore.
“We need to talk.” your voice sliced through the air like a sharp knife, the tension in your tone probably evident to Mark.
“Yeah, I figured after your text. Are you okay?” Marks eyes checked you out properly, while you tried to work out by his appearance what state he was in.
Mark wore his favourite hoodie, dark hair slightly askew, undercut still fresh and you couldn’t shake the feeling that something important was about to shatter. Well, because you were about to shatter that something important with your own bare hands.
“Yeah,” you replied, a pit forming in your stomach. “Are you sober?” You whispered in a low tone, hoping no one could hear you right now.
Mark looked at you, like you were the most ridiculous person ever. Like you were talking nonsense right into his face “What?” He blinked at you, almost flustered how you brought it up. “I am.” Mark’s voice also lowered, when he couldn’t see a single twinkle of humour on your face. “I don’t use on campus.” Lie.
You tried, you really wished you could tell him you were kidding, trying to mess with him with those questions, but you felt like you were losing a battle against the wall. Mark was charming and endlessly fascinating, especially when you only met him, drawing you into his whirlwind of music and laughter. But what once felt smooth now seemed shaky, like a well-loved book with pages starting to fall out.
"I think we deserve different people,” you found the courage to say the words you’ve been meaning to for a long time. The whole sentence spilled out before you could fully process its weight.
Mark's expression shifted, fingers letting go of the menu. Confusion mixed with anger and sorrow clouded his features. You were only lucky he couldn’t control the thunderstorm above you, you were convinced a lightning would’ve stroke you the very moment his mouth opened. “What?” The disbelief in his voice only magnified your fear. His voice cracked, which wasn’t a surprise to you, but now he couldn’t make his throat work properly even after clearing it for a few moments. “What?”
“I know you feel it too. It’s not working out, it’s like we’re fighting through a glass door.” you continued, each word feeling like a small betrayal. Your heart ached, knowing all the while that this was a conversation you needed to have.
“That's nonsense,” Mark bit back, frustration sitting deeper within his features.
“No, Mark. It’s the truth that we've been avoiding. We've been fighting a lot. We're graduating this year and I feel like you've not been taking anything seriously. Are you even sure you'll be able to graduate? Sometimes I even think - is this even serious for you? What if once you become sober you realise you don't even like me anymore? How can I be sure you even like me at all?“ Your own vocal cords were giving up on you by the end of the sentence. You chose a public space to say this so you wouldn’t get emotional, so Mark would keep himself at bay. You knew that neither of you had it in you to throw a scene in front of people, you’d be able to have a cold-hearted conversation and come to a conclusion.
Somehow it wasn’t working, you were blinking too often, trying to contain your frustration and anger, breathing through your nose, while Mark made air enter his lungs through gritted teeth with a loud sound, clearly trying to calm himself down.
He leaned closer, his mouth moving but no words coming out. “You can’t be serious right now. And you can't be talking about me like I'm some drug addict.” He hissed through gritted teeth, not willing to make this conversation a single decibel louder.
“Can’t you see? We're drowning in this relationship. You keep on saying you're not an addict, when it's clearly been that way for a while.” Mark pressed a fist into the table, clearly pissed off at the way you addressed his addiction. He really needed to reconnect with reality, the only good thing out of this reaction was your assurance that he was indeed sober this time. “I feel like you'll keep saying it’s all under control up to the moment weed scrambles your brains and it'll be too late for you to do anything about it. Don't you understand? That I care for you? For us! Right now we’re just two people-.” you were feeling overwhelmed once again and couldn’t keep your voice from rising up.
“Y/n,” Mark interrupted just in time, the desperation creeping into his words, “we’ve been through so much together. I thought we’d get through this also.”
“Exactly! We’re just fighting constantly! I can’t keep pretending everything is fine when it’s not. You keep coming to school high and acting like it’s no big deal! I don’t care if you’re doing it on occasion, but not this!” you retorted, your heart racing as anger churned within. “I barely recognise you, Mark. I miss you all the time. Even when you’re right next to me, I always miss you, because you’re not you most of the time.”
Mark's face fell as you spoke, and you could see the realisation dawning. “Sometimes I need it to create! You know music flows easier that way!”
That’s how he first started smoking, the guy in his major said that he finds writing easier after a smoke. Mark came back to your dorm room with a hand-rolled cigarette in his pocket, laying it on your bedside table like it was some sort of possession for you to look at.
‘What’s that?’ You asked confused, looking at the hand rolled something next to you.
‘It’s a spliff.’ Mark pointed with his hand like you couldn’t see it with your own set of eyes.
‘Huh?’ You repeated confused, not having a single clue what that meant. Your eyes moving between Mark and the spliff.
‘Donghyuck gave me this to write songs.’ Mark finally sat down on your bed next to you, his thigh firmly pressing into yours.
‘That’s weed?’ You finally connected his words with the image, and how Mark’s been struggling real bad to write anything at all. Even for his finals, he had nothing to hand in to his professor at the end of the month.
‘Uh-huh.’ Mark nodded and looked at you for any sort of reaction. “Mixed with tobacco.”
‘Do you want me to write songs with you?’ You looked at Mark confused, if that’s his way for finding inspiration to write music, why would he bring it here? You had no issues with your art.
‘No. I felt scared and unsure to do it on my own.’ Mark’s fingers pressed into your knee, you had a feeling what he’d say next. ‘It’s my first and I thought we could do it together? If you even, like, okay with that.” he suddenly hesitated mid-sentence. ‘I can throw it away, also, if you want me to?’ Mark’s palm slid a little up your thigh and you reached for the hand-rolled cigarette, taking it in your hand.
‘If you think it’ll help your writer’s block, you should try.’ You folded your leg on the bed, to watch Mark more comfortably, but his palm just slid more onto your thigh like you were his anchor. ‘Did you bring a lighter?’ you looked at his sheepish eyes, wondering why was he so scared if he brought it here himself.
‘Ugh, yeah, it’s in my backpack.’ Mark quickly crossed the room to find the lighter in his front pocket and sat back down with you, the lighter-free palm sliding back to your thigh.
‘I don’t how to do that, if you expect me to-‘
‘But do you think, like, it’s okay if I’ll do it?’ Mark asked once again, like he really wanted you to tell him no, but you genuinely felt neutral. He needed his end of semester projects to be done, to be fair you both did, if that’s something that can ease the process - you’ll even partake in this activity with him.
‘It’s a natural plant, I guess.’ You shrugged.
‘Right.’ Mark agreed and took the spliff out of your hand.
‘One time won’t make you an addict.’ You let him know, just because you felt like he was scared of that.
How badly you wished the Mark from your memory would come back at least once and ask if you minded him smoking? If you knew the outcome, you would’ve shredded that stupid little thing to million pieces. Not letting him even get the smell of it, drown in the curiosity and the easy calmness that enveloped within him after a few breaths. When you had it on the floor of your room for the first time, or the occasional smoke in privacy of either of your rooms from then on, it felt like a little dirty secret for just you and him. You would get high and get in each other’s arms and giggle until the wave of tension overwhelmed you both and turned into the best sex you could ever have. The time was distorted, your feelings were enhanced and all and any sort of anxiety left your body. Mark touched you like you were a soft cloud, not being shy of the the way his voice cracked as he moaned into your mouth. Every touch of his soft mouth on your skin almost took you to another dimension and in those moments you felt like you bristled with love for him, you could feel your own feelings for him even at the tips of your ears.
All of it felt like your own sweet little dream until you sensed that he started to use it without you. The deal wasn’t in the fact that you were jealous it wasn’t just a little secret between you anymore, the deal was that it would be at inappropriate times and places.
The first time you saw Mark with diluted pupils on campus during lunch time your head spun, you almost felt like you were the high one, overdosing and walking the ground upside down.
‘What the fuck?’ You tugged on Marks fingers, trying to get him out of everyone’s way. It was lunch time and an ocean of people walked in direction of the cafeteria you tried to escape. Mark couldn’t understand a thing, his fingers trying to lace through yours.
‘Baby, slow down, where are we going? I thought it’s lunch time.’ Mark asked, amusement palpable in the tone of his voice.
‘Are you out of your mind?’ You grabbed onto Mark’s head to see his face properly. ‘Has anyone seen you?’ Mark snaked his hands over your waist, the proximity in which you looked at him seemed to be only asking for that, but it wasn’t this type of situation. His eyes were blood shot red, if he was properly seen by anybody he was quite literally dead. ‘Do you even know that it’s illegal in this country? If anyone sees you - you’re so done for. Mark, are you listening?’ Your fingers tapped against his cheek, Mark’s eyes focused on your shoulder and you watched him breathe steadily, not showing any emotion on his face. Wind blew onto your face, ruffling both yours and Mark’s hair and his dilated irises shifted to yours.
‘I love you.’ He said like a pandora box opened before his eyes.
‘I know, Mark. We’ve been together for two years.’ You weren’t impressed by his confession, you knew that already. He’d said that one and million times before, in more meaningful and intimate situations than this. What did that even suppose to mean?
‘No, but like, yes. But I love you, in like-‘ he probably lost the train of his thought as he blinked. ‘Like I would love you even if you turned into a worm’ well again, you weren’t impressed with his confession. You weren’t on the same level of high with him for this conversation.
‘Did weed tell you that?’ You asked with sarcasm.
‘No, of course it didn’t. But it opened my eyes, at what I feel towards you.’
‘You need to go home, Mark.’
‘Okay.’ He nodded and agreed with you way too quickly to not find him suspicious.
‘Okay?’
‘Yes, I should trust the person I love with such decisions.’ Oh god, your eyes rolled to the back of your head.
‘I don’t think I can leave you alone.’ You sighed and found your phone, searching through the contact list. As your eyes stopped on H, you immediately pressed dial. ‘Hey, are you high?’ You jumped straight in as soon as the boy picked up his phone. When you heard a very sober sounding ‘no, what the fuck is wrong with you’ on the other line of your phone you knew you could trust that.
‘Can I kiss your mouth?’ Mark still looked at you closely, like he’s never seen you before, and you would’ve found him so mesmerised by you sweet, if not the circumstance. Your arm tightly held his waist, as you saw Donghyuck passing through the field in quick steps you tried to make Mark stand more straight and far from you. First the approaching boy’s face was painted with a question targeted at you, but as he looked at Mark, he breathed out a very simple word.
‘Oh fuck.’
‘Take him home, I have a class I can’t skip.’ You tried to not look at either of the men, just watching your foot pressing into the grass.
‘Fuck, dude, why you’re high?’ Donghyuck asked the man, your attention also gluing to the man in question, to no avail. Donghyuck looked at you.
‘How the hell would I know? You’re his friend and you’re giving him this stuff, don’t look at me!’
‘Why are you under the impression he’s getting this shit from me? It was a one time offer.’ Donghyuck gave you an accusatory eye, but genuinely, you couldn’t care. He was the one who gave it to Mark first, probably lent the phone number of whoever, the blame was still on him, and only then you.
‘I don’t care who’s the resource, just get him out of here before he gets in real trouble!’ You bursted, Donghyuck thankfully reading through your emotions and not going any further with the argument.
‘Okay, man, let’s get you home.’ Donghyuck laid a hand on Mark’s shoulder and tried to walk him away from you.
‘Do you know who this is?’ Mark pointed a finger at you, asking his friend.
‘Ugh, until today that was your girlfriend.’
‘No, that’s the love of my life.’ Mark sighed dreamily, you couldn’t hear his bullshit any longer. This felt like some sort of clownery, really.
‘Okay?’
‘I want to kiss her on the mouth, you know what I’m saying?’ Mark pointed a finger into his friends’ chest.
‘I don’t think your love really wants that.’ Haechan looked at you and you turned away, walking in a hurry to your next class. You physically weren’t able to listen to that nonsense a second longer.
You snapped out of your memories “But at what cost? You were okay without it, a little cure for your writers block is one thing, but you’re leaning on it too much. I don’t want to see you waste your potential and whole life like that.” You pressed your finger pads against the skin of your palms to calm yourself down, yet again.
The worst thing was that after that first incident of him coming high to school, he tried to act like that part of his life did not exist. Mark would not bring weed up again, and as the time passed - he stopped coming to you to share your own bit of fun and high. You wanted to ask him, what was this all supposed to mean, he was clearly shutting off that part of his life from you to act like he wasn’t using, and that basically meant he was shutting you off a huge part of him. You couldn’t ask him, as he would get himself comfortable in your bed, if he had any weed in his backpack. You couldn’t bring yourself to force a lie out of him, because you knew damn well he’d deny and you knew damn well he didn’t quit. You could smell it.
Mark bristled, defensive now. “Why are you making this about me?” What the hell did he even mean with that one?
“Because it is about you! You’re losing control, Mark. I can’t keep watching you deteriorate.”
Mark clenched his fists, his expression a mix of anger and hurt. “So that’s it? You want to throw everything away?”
You bit your lip, glancing away from those deep brown eyes that had held so much of your love. Mark had the kindest eyes you’ve ever seen, the ones that would make you forget all the bad things that happen. The ones that made you put off this conversation for the longest time. “I don’t want to, Mark. But I can’t keep putting aside my life for someone who seems lost.” And someone who clearly doesn’t want my help to get back on track.
Mark lost any words that were up his throat, swallowing and trying to process what he could tell you. Silence saturated the air like thick fog, wrapping around you both. The laughter and chatter from the café faded into the background, and for a moment, it felt as though you were the only two souls in the universe. “Maybe we should just take a break,” you murmured before you could even think, the words tasting bitter on your tongue. His eyes made you change your decision once again. You couldn’t let go of him, just yet. If he’s not given the very last chance, you’ll regret it. If he’ll agree to that, you’ll give him time to recollect himself and decide on what he wishes for in life. If any of his wishes include you.
Mark looked away, his face shadowed as the weight of those words settled heavy. “So you want space?” No, you didn’t want it. You wanted Mark, all of him to yourself, no matter how selfish it sounded, you wanted Mark to be the man you fell in love with, the one that considered your feelings on the same level with his. He’d gotten rid of that habit and so many others, choosing to spend nights with his new beloved friend, instead of you.
“I—I think we both need it,” you said, your voice shaking. Your eyes avoided his on purpose, one more look and you’d act like you pulled a prank on him and you two were good.
As your eyes blinked, focus not moving from your fingers, you decided the best thing you could do is give him the actual space you talked about. So with that, you stood up to leave. Mark didn’t stop you, and as you walked away, heartbreak coiled in your chest.
-
You two seemed to be working in perfect unison to give each other space. Your eyes would run over the paintings you created in past weeks and only come to the same conclusion over and over again. The vibrant colors of your life were muted without Mark, it was reflected perfectly even in what you put on canvas.
“Y/n, let’s go out tonight!” Min insisted, clapping you on the shoulder to jolt you from your thoughts. “We need to let loose and forget everything for a while.” You knew exactly how this translated into fuck Mark, it’s been weeks and he stuck to giving you space way too well for someone who wanted to save a relationship.
You hesitated, glancing at the canvas reflecting your feelings - a whirlwind of sadness and longing. “I don’t think I’m ready to go out, even if it’s over? It still hurts to think about everything,” you admitted with a sigh. Everything meaning Mark. “I feel like the worst thing that could happen is me bumping into him there and seeing he moved on.”
“Ugh, I’m sure we won’t see him! Just a bit of fun. You owe it to yourself.” Despite your reluctance, you knew you won’t be able to resist your friend. Min showed you her mini-fridge full of beverages on a photo, teasingly hiding the phone behind her back, and you would’ve lied if you denied you felt a flicker of excitement creeping in. Maybe a distraction was what you needed. Maybe she was right about Mark.
As you dressed in a flowy top adorned by your favorite jeans, anticipation bubbled beneath your skin. The party you arrived at pulsed with energy and laughter, but amidst the crowd, the absence of Mark by your side echoed loudly. You never went to a college party without his fingers carefully pressing into your side, guiding and hiding you from trouble, spilled drinks and drunken people. You avoided his group of friends at first, you couldn’t see him with your peripheral vision, maybe he had other plans, maybe he wasn’t going to show up and it was all for nothing. But as the night went on and Min left you somewhere along the way, you spotted him, casually leaning against a wall, laughter dancing in his eyes, as three of his friends were pushing onto each other in some sort of ridiculousness.
“Y/n!” Mark shouted, the surprise lighting up his expression as he caught sight of you. Damn, you just tried to get to the kitchen to pour yourself a damn gallon of vodka to ignore him. “Come over here!” You felt confused by how easily he called out for you, after a whole damn month of radio silence? You longed for a single hello, how you’re doing? I miss you and he didn’t grace you with a single one. And now he called out for you like you accidentally got separated by the crowd. You knew exactly what that behaviour meant, but the levels of whiskey in your system lowered your moral standards. It was a party, at the end of the day, you weren’t a prude, everyone was getting high either by the drinks or other things.
You approached cautiously, taking in the scene—a haze of smoke exited his friends’ mouth, noise swirling around his companions. He was given the joint and the very next moment an offer left his lips.
“Want to share one with me?” Mark asked casually, his eyes glimmering with friendliness. Still, despite your drunk state, your heart raced at the suggestion, it felt like you were clowned, like he tried to make fun of you by suggesting something you’ve literally almost broken up over. He extended an arm and you looked at it dumbfounded. What were you supposed to think out of this suggestion exactly? Of the whole situation? That he thought you were a clown? “For old time’s sake? Just one? I feel like it’s been so fucking long?” Mark’s other hand forced you closer to his body and the moment you could smell him, like the actual human scent of Mark that disappeared from your pillow or most of your clothes, you felt hazy and already high enough to do anything he wanted you to. Maybe it was his peace offering and you needed to give in?
“Alright, just one,” you folded into what he wanted you to do, your mouth taking the joint from his hand and breathing it in. Your fingers brushed against his as you pushed it back to him, and on the next round Mark’s arm wrapped over your shoulders, tucking you into his side, a familiar wave of warmth enveloping you. He did it so casually, like that month never existed, just you and him, and a couple of guys that didn’t even know you’ve taken a pause. You stood there in pure silence, while Mark chatted a little with his friends, when it came to you he simply handed you the joint and watched you inhale the smoke.
You weren’t able to remember how you got onto the backyard, your thigh connected with Marks’ as you stared into darkness. The smoke curled upward, you genuinely wished you remembered how you agreed to another one, shared privately just between you and him. You felt like the biggest idiot - indulging in one thing you wished for him to quit.
Time slipped away from you, like it always did in such situation and you knew you were long gone. A wild thought, wishing you were in comfort of either of your beds came into your head.“Remember when we did this for the first time?” Mark asked, his voice dipped in mellow nostalgia. You shivered, realising he thought exactly the same thing as you.
“Yeah, I thought someone might smell it from under my door and we’ll get caught by campus security!” you laughed, feeling your tension dissipate even further.
You exchanged smiles, Mark leaned in closer to your frame, the warmth radiating from his body. You took a deep drag, savoring the taste and the way it burned your lungs, before passing it back to him.
“Hey, come here.” Mark's voice was low and inviting, it seemed like he finally build courage to pull you in and break the wall that built through the month of silence, the heat between you amplifying as you stared at his face. A whole fucking month of not embracing each other is longer than you’ve ever gotten and your whole being was itching with just that. To lay your head against his chest, or his shoulder, or to rest it against his arm. Anything would do, really. You couldn’t help it, you needed him, this was the warmth you had missed.
“Mark,” you whispered, the world fading away beside you. The moment almost mirrored the privacy you shared in your bedrooms, like what you always felt, when he’d do that to you in your bed, felt like a secret just for the two of you.
He was very clearly and very boldly seducing you, you could tell that very much was his initial plan and you were glad he had it, it was so fucking long since the day he let you walk out of the cafe, you started to believe he didn’t care at all. You almost made yourself believe he didn’t want you. If Mark asked you to take back your words, asked you to come back home together, not for anything particular really, but just to sleep, you would do that. You needed him so bad, the break was the torture on your side.
With that idea settling in your brain, you leaned in and kissed him, softly at first but building in urgency. The warm taste of the smoke mingled with the sweetness of his lips, and every lingering moment wrapped around you like unrelenting vines, pulling you deeper into a heady spiral of passion.
Mark’s hands found their way to your waist, molding around you as if you were the only reality worth holding onto. You were hoping that for him, you really were. You sighed against his mouth, a soft moan escaping into the night as heat spread through your body. You felt alive, for the first time in a month and it was thanks to Mark. You quickly got yourself worked up, with the way Mark’s fingers knowingly found their way under your clothes and the way his mouth moved its attention to your neck, ear and collarbone, taking in the equal parts of his attention. Mark couldn’t agree with his own brain where he wanted to kiss you more, urging his mouth back to yours to get another taste of that also.
But just as you were about to deepen the kiss further, ask him to take you home, a loud cheer erupted from a group of guys nearby, jolting you both back into reality. You pulled away, breathless and slightly overwhelmed, feeling the vibrant connection fade into the night air.
“Let’s just hang out for a bit,” Mark suggested, trying to play it cool despite the lingering tension. You wondered if he just realised what happened, and how you two were supposed to keep space. Give each other a chance to breathe. The way he jumped back to distancing himself from you kind of hurt your pride. What were you supposed to think of that behaviour?
“Yeah, let’s do that,” you replied softly, your heart still racing. Making you wonder if you did really want to take this breather.
-
After that night your life changed, or better say returned to normal. Mark swore on his own life that he’ll quit, that he’ll do his best to jump out of habit - bring it back to its original state - source of inspiration or a way to relax after an especially difficult day at school.
Within this delicate balance, however, you could still sense him teetering on the edge of those habits: weekends spent somewhere out with friends, the scent of smoke clinging to his clothes as a stark reminder that he still had a long way to go. But as long as he fought with himself, as long as he tried not for your, but for his own future, you felt like you’ll be fine.
Your studying session with one of your classmates was finally over as she had to run to one of her tutoring classes and you were finally free to run back home and take a very long and relaxing shower and after that call Mark over and indulge in activities in your bed, but you couldn’t hold back and fished your phone out to give him a call even before you took off. Honestly, you were bubbling with love and that little break only made you realise your love for Mark more. You always talked how you were probably for life, like Mark would always say damn, I think I envision us 10 years later with a bunch of babies and both successful into our careers, just two absolutely in love adults, pursuing their dreams and building their own little family. Right now you could very much envision that brighter than you ever did before, Mark was your man, to the very last breath you took - he was your very last love.
As you stood up to get back home, under the dim lights of the cafe, that was your favourite place and by proxy was loved by Mark, the very man himself walked in with friends, laughter echoing in the air. Your first instinct was to run up to him and give the loudest smooch to his cheek, you knew he’d be dead happy to see you here.
Your second instinct was to take a pause and watch him. Mark wore sunglasses, on particularly gloomy day, and while that quite literally meant nothing, something about the way he moved around and threw his head back extra happy as he laughed, made your whole body tense up.
Suddenly, everything broke into fragments, and before you could stop yourself, you found the urge to approach him throbbing within. “Mark! Hi?” You approached him with no particular accusation - maybe you were in fact wrong. Maybe he did think it’s fitting his outfit to wear some glasses? “What’s up?”
He turned, surprise flickering across his face, quickly replaced by defensiveness. “Nothing, I’m fine. Just hanging out. Hi.” He kept the distance instead of leaning in and leaving the loudest smooch over your cheek himself. You held back also, maybe it’s for the best you didn’t lean in. The second bell rang across your ears at full attention. You were losing all your composure at his nonchalance and non-admittance. Just take your sunglasses off, let me see how you’re fine.
“Fine?” you repeated incredulously, uncertainty flooding your tone as you stepped closer. “Can you take off your glasses?” You asked, but really. Mark knew he had no other option but obey, he would be dragged into a fight regardless if you were right, his only chance to come out alive is to give in quickly. So his fingers wrapped over the plastic and lowered the sunglasses down his nose, so you’d see his eyes. “You look like you just got off a spaceship!” You gasped, trying to keep your voice at a very low whisper, not known to anyone but just him.
Mark exchanged mocking glances with his friends. Were all music major students pro level stoners Mark needed to catch up with? Ah, what the fuck, you sighed, frustration boiling at the back of your throat. “I’ve been fine all along. Just having fun!” What the fuck is wrong with him? Why does he sound like a robot? Are they all high? Did they do it together? Your eyes ran over the friend group, you guessed they really were, different levels of high. Why the hell does he look the most wasted of them all? Shouldn’t he be at least a little immune to it now?
“Fun doesn’t mean walking around stoned, Jesus. You promised you wouldn’t come to class like this!” you exclaimed, desperation creeping into your words. Oh, did you mention it was 1 fucking pm? Mark was doing this in school. Again. You suddenly felt insanely tired, like bone-weary tired and not able to continue the fight. Honestly, do whatever the fuck you want with your life, you idiot.
Mark though, seemed to be full of energy for a fight. He leaned forward, jaw set, his voice low and fierce. “I’m not always high! Can we not do this again?”
“No! I care about you, I can’t watch this happen again, I can’t believe you, of people, can’t really understand what I mean when I say it?” The emotions poured out of you with fervor, the frustration mingling with the deep love you still harbored. You couldn’t watch him like this. Couldn’t watch him throw his life into the trash bin.
If that’s what he wanted, truly wanted who were you to be on his way? Force him to be good and do good? You were a nobody in the grand scheme of his life, it seemed. The air around you crackled with tension as you both stood your ground, the camaraderie between friends silencing around you.
“Y/n…” he whispered, all of the previous angriness pushed aside, Mark tried to catch your fingers with his. Maybe he saw the exasperation plastered on your face, maybe he finally understood what you tried to get across to him, maybe finally accepted that not everything was as good as he pretended it to be? “Baby, I’m sorry, I swear. It’s not like that.” The reality washed over him, it seemed. “I’m sorry, baby. There’s no excuse, really.”
“I have to go back to class.” You soften your tone also, at least it’s ?remorse…? he’s feeling? You always give in, the way his eyes blink at you, too kind to be ever mad at. You wished he wore those damn glasses back up, he was genuinely swallowing you whole with his boba eyes, sorry and hurt also upon upsetting you, indulging in another fight with you, supposed love of his life? It’s nauseating, really, that the third wheel in this relationship that’s breaking you apart is not even a real breathing thing. You’d rather it be a human.
“I-ugh, we came for lunch and agh-, we have a sheet to discuss for our finals.” Mark mumbled like he wasn’t under the influence. Like he was only unsure to admit something not even embarrassing to admit.
“Okay” you nodded, ready to go on with your day.
Mark did the unpredicted though, his mouth latched over yours, you responded softly at first, thinking he wanted to seal the deal with his mouth. I know you’re mad, but I swear I’ll be better, because I love you. I’m sorry. Just a brush of his mouth against yours transformed into a proper kiss, you tried to break contact, moving your neck back, away from him, but Mark firmly caught you to continue.
The faint noise of laughter broke you down, you wiped your mouth out of embarrassment, set of eyes staring at you two. Your hand also reached for Mark’s mouth, wiping your gloss stain off his upper lip. You wondered if he was faded enough to not care about making out in front of his friend’s plate, not care about the level of discomfort they could feel. You looked at the table, everyone’s attention migrating to the menu, and then looked at Mark. You had to drive your point right in the pit of his brain. “I can’t keep doing this if you’re unsure. I genuinely care, but you need to make a choice,” you murmured, feeling the knot tighten in your chest.
Mark nodded, frustration flickering as he felt the truth in your words. “You’re right. I will try harder to figure this out.”
You gave him a nod and descended, this was really, truly the very last of chances you’d give him. Like, quite literally, fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.
-
You were approaching the finals, your head spun from lack of sleep, your eyes were giving up on you from hours of work. You barely talked with people - your only contact being the girl from your class who had the same level of anxiety when it came to school and kept you company. You barely talked with Mark - you had no mental capacity to fight him over his issues, you had no mental capacity to see if he lived up to his promise besides his occasional visits. You were on a break but he still came through, to see you, to ask if you’re doing alright, kiss your mouth in such a chaste manner, to tell how horrible he feels about giving in to kissing you, when he’s still not the man you want him to be. You didn’t mind the kissing, you wouldn’t even mind touching and loving, you missed him with every fibre of your being - you’d allow him do anything. As long as he fought the demons, right?
“Hey?” You turned around at the familiar voice, skipping through the corridor as soon as you worked out where the noise came from. “Hi, my angel.” Mark smiled softly, as you approached him, stopping yourself only as your body was firmly against his and smiled back.
“Hi.” You whispered softly, Mark lowering his head to brush his lips against yours.
“Hi.” He repeated himself and pecked your mouth once more. Mark seemed to be in a very good mood, his fingers wrapping over your forearm to force you hug his waist. “You’re good?” He smiled, as your arms wrapped over his waist, and gave your cheek a smooch, and also did the same thing for your other cheek, for good measure.
“You seem to be very happy, my love?” You teased softly, hoping if he didn’t immediately back off it meant he was ready to get back together. You couldn’t find a reason to not reciprocate the happiness, he smelled and looked so good. That signature baby lotion and fabric softener mixture of scents, no third unnecessary note that followed him in recent times. “Good to see you are.” You kissed his mouth also, letting him know you are very happy to see your Mark.
“I am. I actually thought, we could do something fun together, something we haven’t done in a little while?” Marks fingers smoothed out your cheeks.
“Oh?” You blinked at him.
“I thought we could draw together, make a new piece for our future, when we’ll have to get our own place.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” Mark nodded, making it hard for your mouth to catch his. As you did catch him, you made sure he’d get that you were extra pleased with the suggestion. And mentioning your own place. For just Mark and you, your chest bursted with excitement, teasingly pulling on his lip with your teeth.
“Oh, wow.” He chuckled to himself and forced your head off him. “You also seem to be very happy today, hm?”
“No, I wasn’t, but you really made me. Like you always do.”
“I’ll do anything for you. I love you.” Mark wrapped his arms over your shoulders, pressing your head against his chest, and squeezing you in an attempt to make you two turn into one. “If I could make you pocket sized, I’d carry you all the time with me.” Mark lift you off the ground, giving you a little spin in a wave of raw passion and love.
So the very same day, you sat down on the floor of your room, making a spread of brushes and paint around you.
“Ah, I really should’ve known the campus studio will be booked during the finals week.” Mark sighed once again, beating himself over the fact he couldn’t properly organise this for you.
“I have all of the things needed here, it’s fine.” You waved him off, it honestly didn’t matter if it was studio or your room, as long as it was him and you.
“Yes, but I though of this big ass canvas and how we’d splash tons of paint on that and then draw something on top.”
“We did abstraction last time and we barely got the paint out of our eyes, I can’t shit in my dorm room.” You swallowed a giggle.
“That’s exactly why I never suggested my other genius idea.” Mark snorted, looking through a set of brushes to pick the needed one.
“Which is…?” You asked like you didn’t know what it was. He’d always called only one specific of his ideas genius.
“Which is to have sex covered in paint over a canvas. It’s unrealistic because we won’t do that in the school’s studio and we can’t mess the entire room. But it’s still a genius idea.” Mark looked at you like he genuinely believed it’s something he came up with.
“Get me my very personal private studio?” You teased into his big dream, Mark being a wealthy musician, selling his own songs, producing stuff with artist and of course recording albums and singing his own songs. He’d always say how he’d get you two a house with so many rooms you’ll need a month to adjust to it, how one of the rooms would be your personal studio, the other one, obviously, his. “I do think it’ll be just a whole canvas of mess and mixed colours.” You snorted, looking at Mark, who had stars in his eyes at the image in his head.
“No, it’ll be our bodies gliding over the surface, leaving trails of color and texture. Each thrust, each gasp, will be reflected on that masterpiece, it’ll reflect our intense intimacy, our love for each other.” Mark gave you a look, forcing a mewl of his name out of your mouth. “The sound of paint squishing against your skin…” he whispered and tried to lean over to your thigh and caress it, you threw a brush into his lap, forcing a giggle out of Mark’s mouth. “We won’t do that anywhere but our very own home, don’t worry. I just can’t wait for us to get one.”
“Shouldn’t we like, look, for places to live in by now?” You asked curiously, you two were in such a mess this whole year, you weren’t sure you even still had him in your live like that, didn’t know he still want you like that. Now that you were, kind of, sure, you needed to actually talk about the subject. You were 3 months away from moving out of the dorm. “Not like the dream house, just an apartment to live in.” You searched through all the renting websites, finding your eyes prickle with tears at the pricing. How were you supposed to get into adult life fresh out of college with minimum income and rent a place? You were printing those bills at home, for God’s sake.
“I-ugh, I have looked up a few things, not that many options with a total income of zero.” Mark snorted to himself and actually crawled over to you, to look at the still white canvas.
“Have you thought… of a job?” You tip-toed over the topic, Mark was butt hurt about it, he’d only accept an offer from a record label or some place like that, and while that was a very good goal, it was also pretty immature and unrealistic. He needed to realise he won’t be a millionaire in a month’s time. And he had three of those before he’ll be left on the streets, you in tow. Or maybe, not so, because your parents would let you come back home. Mark would not like to go back to Canada to his, that’s for sure. “You can do both guitar and piano, you could teach people that, or do solfeggio for kids? There’s so many opportunities for you.” Besides sending out songs to Frank Ocean and Anderson Paak and waiting for their feedback.
“You know that I really can’t waste my talent on that-.” Mark sighed, exasperated.
“Then, you’re going back to your parents, and I’m going to mine. Doing art class for pre-schoolers isn’t going to pay our rent in the big city while you wait for an offer.” You ran your brush of green paint over the canvas, drawing a very lame horizontal line just to start with something. Mark was about to get worked up over his own ambition, you needed to move from the topic for the evening to not go south.
“I know, angel. That’s why I’ve been pushing extra hard with writing, while you were mad at me for smoking regularly, I wrote some of the coolest things thanks to that, they’ll definitely sell.”
“Okay.” You gave him a nod, not wishing to partake in whatever he wanted you to. You were, in fact, aware of the reason this whole song writing crisis happened. It was Mark’s strong beliefs that you two should own a place fresh out of college. He pushed himself and then just couldn’t write anything anymore. You just hoped he’ll get out of it just enough to finish college and decide on actual possibilities that would earn him money, since he vigorously refused to join an orchestra. Both you with your degrees in art and music were destined to be broke and it seemed like the path was approaching you with light speed.
“You’re upset?” Mark fidgeted with the hem of your shorts, watching your hand running over the canvas quietly. He also shifted his body and now ended up square behind you, chin rested against your shoulder, finally leaning over to get a brush for himself and dipping it in paint.
“No, we’re just living a life where we’re pushing approaching reality way too far. Like, I fear that if we’re not shattered by this, real life will destroy us.” You sighed, leaning more against Marks chest.
“Angel, look at me?” Mark whispered into your shoulder blade, pecking the skin he could see and moving his head away for you to turn around. You did just that, meeting Mark’s sincere stare. “I won’t allow that to happen. You don’t need to worry, I will not let us get destroyed by real life. We are, real life. Just continue writing your paintings and I will make sure everything else fits perfectly into your life.” Even this sounds unrealistic, don’t you hear yourself? You held back a frown, gifting Mark with a little pout and a nod. “Iloveyousomuch.” he whispered under his breath and covered your mouth with his. As Mark kissed you he leaned over, hinting for you to lay down on the floor. Your eyes closed as he straightened his back once again, forcing your body back to his. His finger ran over your cheek, flattering your eyes, until you felt weird about it, it felt like a wet stain was left on your skin, paint smell hitting your nose. Your initial thought was Mark had dipped his fingers on accident in paint, before you opened your eyes and he moved away, mischief written all over him. You looked over at his fingers, three of them being pink.
“What?” You whispered, taking in full lungs of air. “Can’t believe I fell for you.” You shook your head also dipping your own fingers in paint and trying to cover him, Mark quickly catching your arm with his spidey antics. “I’ll do it just once, I swear, and we’re done with this?” You pleaded, knowing damn well Mark’s aware you won’t stop at just that.
“I thought we wanted to draw together, we haven’t done a thing, really. Let’s make peace and work on that?” Mark pleaded cheekily, trying to move your attention to the canvas behind you. “Ah-, really.” He sighed, as he lost attention for a split second enough for you to swipe your fingers against his mouth, covering both his mouth and chin in green paint. Mark’s first instinct was to hold once more both your arms, you expected him get more paint onto his fingers. Instead, he leaned into your neck, wiping himself against your skin. You wheezed, the feeling of his tickling actions turned into sloppy kisses in a brief moment, sending a different kind of wave through your body.
Mark’s attention focused on your stilled body - raising his head to see you. Your reaction to Mark’s lips was nothing new - your eyes closed as the wave of pleasure tickled the back of your head, your chest flourishing with love for the only man that ever was worth loving.
“Come on, real peace offering. We’re finishing this piece and getting into shower and I’m all yours after, deal?” Your eyes opened at that, at his self composure and wish to hold back the moment you two become one.
“Deal.” You gave Mark a firm nod and watched him let go of you and focus his eyes on the canvas. No cheating, you do really turn around and continue with the green over on the corner you started with.
As you painted together, the air around you felt charged, you missed this so much, spending with him doing the thing you enjoyed the most in life - creating art with the man you loved. You painted through the evening, laughter spilling from your mouths like paint across the canvas.
Amidst the laughter, you glanced over at Mark, caught in the moment's excitement, and felt emotional. “I can’t remember the last time we really enjoyed this,” you remarked softly, your eyes meeting his.
“Neither can I,” he mused, pulling his face closer, his voice almost a whisper. “I missed out on so much.”
You set the brush aside, scooting closer to Mark, the warmth of his body calling to you like a moth to the flame. In that moment, you leaned in, capturing his lips once again, igniting heat despite taking much longer than intended on actual painting. The tiredness washed away as you pressed against Mark eagerly.
He pulled you closer, deepening the kiss, his hands finding your waist, melting away as you wrapped around him, losing yourself against Mark’s body. Your heart raced, the sensations of your lips moving together, matching breath for breath, it felt like all that you’ve missed for the longest time. Everything you longed for way before the day you suggested the break. Talking of the break, actually. “We should take it slow,” you murmured softly as you pulled back, brushing your fingers against his cheek, your heart still racing. You haven’t slept with him since back then, taking the matter seriously when it came to distancing in nothing but this.
“Yeah, I want this—us—to last,” he replied earnestly, softly smiling as he brushed his fingers through your hair.
You nodded in agreement, moving your attention to the canvas once more. “But you’ll stay in bed with me tonight, right?”
“Yeah.” Mark nodded happy with the suggestion.
-
Were you imagining or Mark have actually improved in terms of smoking in inappropriate places and situations? It’s been too quiet and peaceful in your book for a little while. Mark have actually spend more time with you than in the past couple months, took time to care for you and be by your side.
You were back together as one, Mark’s gentle palm over your waist leading you to class, coming with you to the library, spending time together with you at the dorm when your schedules matched. While the world outside pulsed with chaos, you and Mark created your own rhythm, weaving moments of intimacy into the art of navigating life together, just like old times.
Under the canopy of cherry blossoms, you and Mark found yourselves at a small park, the petals drifting down like soft snow, the evening was so warm, but you couldn’t hold back from snuggling into Mark’s side more. You watched as he threw his head back and laughed at something silly in his messages, his eyes sparkling under the sun.
“Just like old times, huh.” Mark mused, winking, and you felt butterflies flutter in your stomach.
“Just like baby you and baby me.” you replied, feeling the weight of the moment lift as you recalled simpler times.
“You know, this reminds me of that summer when we just lay in the grass and talked for hours,” Mark said, his tone softening. “When we first met.”
“Yeah,” you nodded, feeling a warmth blossom in your chest as you exchanged knowing glances. You moved closer, lips brushing against his as the world felt beautifully suspended in time. “I didn’t even know back then I was lucky to meet the love of my life on the first try?”Marks hands slid around your waist, pulling you onto his lap, and the sensation sent warmth flooding through you. He caressed the softness of your cheek, the stars of adoration twinkling in his pretty eyes.
“I know that I’ve pushed myself for one thing and almost lost you in the midst of that, I hope you know it never was my intention. I love you, never have loved anyone or anything in such an open and easy way. My heart floats and flourishes and I just felt so emotional, suddenly, like honestly, really, I’m so happy that you still can call me that despite what happened. I don’t want to be sappy, but really, like-.”
“Me too, Mark. I’m also glad you’re doing fine.” You pecked his mouth quickly. It was just you two, lost in each other under the canopy of cherry blossoms. As the kiss deepened, an overwhelming sense of safety wrapped around you.
-
Some time later you were given an opportunity to showcase your work at gallery - it happened randomly, one of the participants ghosted them last minute and they were in need of art to show, reaching out to schools nearby. Somehow, or more like, deservingly, you were a choice of your professors amongst all the graduating students. You picked the work for display carefully, it was such a distressing situation - making a decision which one of your babies wasn’t worthy enough to be showcased at an art gallery.
The gallery opening night was one of the thrilling days in your life, surrounded by friends and family, your heart was beating in your ears - trying to catch everyone’s attention, see if anyone has frowned, or made a snarky remark to anyone’s ear. If people had any sort of genuine reaction or simply rolled their eyes at how bad your work was. Your senses were heightened to their peak, you were a tensed up thread, ready to burst.
Mark walked in, his grin rivalling the stars as he approached you. You noticed a little slip of a wrapping paper behind his back. The very next moment he let you see a stunning bouquet of red roses, gifted to you as his mouth landed on your temple. “Should I compliment how stunning you look or give the compliments for your art only?” He teased, your fingers gripping onto his waist tighter. “Hi, angel.” He pecked your cheek, your heart swelled with pride, Mark looked at you like you held the world for him, like you were the most amazing person he’s ever seen. Somewhere deep inside of you you hoped you were, or at least held the top 3.
“I’m so nervous, I’m so glad you’re here.” Mark’s free hand raffled your hair.
“Angel, these pieces are incredible. You’ve truly got no reason to be nervous, they’re so lucky they got you.” he exclaimed, eyes sparkling with admiration.
“Thanks, it feels surreal seeing all of this come to life,” you grinned, feeling emboldened by his unwavering support. It was in fact lucky for you, to get an opportunity like that. You hoped tonight would bring you helpful contacts, you desperately needed them, one of you really needed to become the bread winner of this family or very realistically you’ll be separated by life’s circumstances.
Mark reached for your hand, squeezing it gently as if to lend you strength. “I’m seriously proud of you, making all of this happening, while also pushing through with me.” he whispered, leaning closer as the crowd swirled around you.
“None of this would have happened without you. You helped me.” you replied, warmth flooding through you as you held his gaze.
“No, but instead of being sappy with each other, this really made me realise. You’re an artist, angel, and you deserve to shine,” Mark said, the sincerity lighting up the space between you before he steered you aside.
Stepping away from the crowd, you leaned in closer, feeling the familiar taste of his mouth on yours. You felt so relieved, having Mark as your moral support here felt too good to be true, you were melting into his frame, letting his tongue slip into your mouth.
“I want us to be forever together,” you breathed out, breaking the kiss but holding his gaze. This tonight felt like you walked together in direction of your goals and future life, hand in hand. Next big thing must be Mark’s chance. You felt it in your gut.
“Always together.” Mark promised, his smile wide, filled with love that illuminated everything around you.
-
As spring transitioned into summer, the pressure mounted on your shoulder, pulling you and Mark in different directions, yet somehow entwining you closer through shared panic and excitement of upcoming graduation. You were so stressed, but so happy every time you could feel touch of Mark’s fingers on yours.
Your phone rang in the middle of the night, making you jump up from your sleep in fear. You thought you overslept your exam, only processing as you blinked against the darkness, glancing at the screen to make your brain understand it’s only 3:30 AM. Donghyuck’s name flashed on your screen and immediate concern drowned you. Your only common business was-.
“Hey, Y/n, I’m sorry to bother you in this ungodly hour, but your boyfriend’s currently throwing up all over my place.” Your heart fell out of your body and rolled onto the floor. “Hey, you’re here?”
“Ugh, yeah-.” You let out a shaky breath.
“Shit, don’t panic like that. Just get here.” The boy on the other side of the line sighed like he was asking you to pick up your sick toddler from day care.
“What happened?” You picked up your sweatpants blindly.
“I have no clue, he came here looking weird, he looked sick, then started vomiting.”
“Do you think he’s… high?” No, no, no. Not when it seemed like we were doing okay. Not again, god, please.
“No shit, Sherlock.” Donghyuck snorted.
“Why?” You asked dumbly, tears prickling your eyes. Whatever need for sleep was left in your body died down at the mere idea of Mark getting in the hospital or worst case scenario.. dying?
“How the fuck would I know that? Get here before he passes out from dehydration or something worse.”
“Okay.” You snapped out of your fear coma and ran to the door.
“Wait!” Donghyuck barked. “If you have any ginger or mint tea or something calming? Bring it, it’ll help him, I think.”
-
“Oh my god, what the fuck.” Your eyes immediately flooded with tears as you saw Mark. He didn’t seem to be as sick anymore, he was on the floor in a very awkward position, like he was passed out and couldn’t feel his limbs, letting them fold funnily. You thought you’ll be mad, angry, ready to kick him in the head and tell him to fuck himself. But a single look at him and you fell onto your knees next to his body, watching how his chest was rising up heavily. Your fingers reached carefully to caress his cheek, as Donghyuck barked at you and you jerked your hand back away.
“Don’t touch him.”
“Why?” Your body trembled in an unexplainable way. Like your entire life flashed before your eyes, like Mark was actually one step away from leaving you for good and only now you realised how terrible that would’ve felt.
“He’s having an anxiety attack.”
“Ohmygod.” You breathed out and only now noticed wet trails under Mark’s eyes. “What happened?”
“I was hoping you’d tell me that, I didn’t smoke with him, nor I know what the fuck did he use, before you accuse me-.”
“I weren’t planning on doing so-. He was doing just fine, he didn’t do it for weeks? We’ve always been together and fine? I have no clue what happened.” You tried to think rationally as another tear streamed down your boyfriend’s cheek.
Mark’s eyes opened and you both stared at him.
“Dude, you scared me shitless.” Donghyuck sighed, reaching a cup with what you assumed by the smell was the tea you brought.
“What’s that?” Mark’s voice sounded funny, you guessed he really hurt his throat while throwing up. “You are trying to poison me?”
“What?” Both your brows rose up in confusion. “I brought tea, Mark, it’ll calm you down.” You tried to reach out a hand to him, hold him and calm him down yourself. Mark jerked back like he genuinely feared you, Donghyuck coming with help.
“Dude, that’s your girlfriend, she’s here to take you home and take care of you. Do you not recognise her… or me?” His voice got a tone lower at the realisation he wasn’t pulling shit, he was actually scared.
“I-I, I’m confused.” Mark sighed, exhausted. “I don’t like this feeling.” His fingers grabbed onto his chest, eyes flooding with tears once more.
“Drink this and calm down, I’ll call an uber and we’ll get back to your bed, or mine, it doesn’t matter and you’ll have a good sleep and tomorrow it’ll be okay, okay?” You tried to talk softly, but the way Mark’s eyes were not believing a word you said, you were almost getting a panic attack yourself, what the fuck did happen to him? “Baby-.” You called out, no words forming in your mouth, just your wish to hold him and calm him down. As you tried just that, Mark jumped up from the floor, getting himself in a different corner of the room.
“This is a fucking zoo.” Donghyuck exclaimed exasperated and you agreed. This was straight up a fucking joke. You were scared and worried, but also very much one step away from telling him to cut the shit and pull himself together. He can’t be serious. Anxiety is one thing, acting like you were of threat for him - completely different. “Mark, drink this fucking tea before I kick your ass.” The man next to you threatened the air, it seemed, Mark didn’t care, then Donghyuck turned around to you and laid a palm on your shoulder. “I’m sorry this is the shit show you have to go through, I thought he’ll see you and pull himself together. I have no clue what he took. I guess, you won’t help, you should go back home.”
“I won’t be able to sleep, if he’s not okay.” Donghyuck sighed, agreeing in no time with that. He knew how much Mark means for you, despite everything.
“Go to my bed, I’ll hang in here with him.” You couldn’t agree with that either, you needed to see him right before your eyes. “Don’t fight with me about it, you’re going to be able to hear everything. Do you have school tomorrow?” Yes, shit 9am class you couldn’t skip is in fact tomorrow morning, you had less than 3 hours left of sleep. Donghyuck, somehow, could read it on your face. “Go to bed, you don’t have that much time before you have to leave. Go on, I’ll call for you if anything happens, tho I doubt it will.”
You quickly nodded at that, stretching your body on top of Donghyuck’s duvet and closing your eyes, not being able to sleep. Your ears stayed focused on what happened behind the wall. You just stayed unmoved for a few hours, until you had to leave for school.
You walked out the room, your eyes immediately finding Mark’s body in that same corner. You paced over to him and squatted, touching his chest, he was asleep and his heart beat steadily, neck bent in a very uncomfortable position as he slept half-sat. You pecked his cheek, relieved that he was breathing and walked out your friends apartment.
-
Mark messaged you the same day. As your eyes focused on the preview no time passed to the moment itchy hives covered your body.
From Mark: Hey, I’m at your favourite cafe, come meet me?
You turned around in a heartbeat, sprinting towards the designated place. Is he okay? Is he sick? What does he want to tell me? That he’s sorry? That he’s ill? What is it? You found yourself sprinting through the corridors, pausing as you realised you never replied to him.
To Mark: Alright, omw.
As you rushed through the door, your eyes focused on Mark and you let out the loudest sigh ever, he did look okay. Mark was fiddling nervously with the mugs on the table, warmth spreading from his eyes as he met yours. He did look totally okay, almost like you hallucinated last night. You had bags under your eyes, head exploding from a headache caused by lack of sleep and nerves, and Mark, unfairly, looked like he came back from a vacation. Unfair, but you were so glad he was okay. You paused next to his table. “Hey. Thanks for coming,” Mark said, relief washing over his expression. He stood up and leaned in to leave a barely-there brush of his lips on your cheek.
There was undoubted tension swirling in the air, your heart clenched. “What’s up? You look serious,” you commented, eyeing him carefully. He did look uncharacteristically focused, he had a good reason to be, but you also couldn’t understand what was the exact reason why. You needed for him to tell you everything quickly.
“I needed to talk with you,” Mark said, his brow furrowing deeply, and a wave of anxiety washed over you. “I didn’t want to—we, no, I, need to figure things out.”
Your breath caught. “What do you mean?”
He hesitated, and every beat of your heart grew louder. The troubled expression flitted across his face as he leaned in. “I’ve been feeling overwhelmed again.”
“Overwhelmed by what?” you probed gently, trying to keep the dialogue open. You could very clearly tell so last night, you did even know the reason, he was filled with anxiety from approaching adult life. Time didn’t just flow, it sprinted forward and nothing changed when it came to his success or his income. Mark was stressing and there was not a way in which you could help him, you were there and opened to listen, but he needed to figure this out himself.
“Just… everything,” he said, frustration painting his tone. “I thought I could handle it, you know? I hate that I’m losing sight of what’s important, but I know that I can’t be as productive without it.”
“That is so not true, Mark!” He needs to know, no. He must know he’s way more than that - he’s not someone who has to lean on something to be successful, that’s foul thinking. “You’re trying to balance everything, but you don’t have to carry all of this alone, nor in such a horrible way.” You tip-toed over last night like you could avoid it.
“I get that. And I see it, but it feels like it keeps pulling me back.” His voice dropped to a near whisper, the vulnerability of it gripping your heart.
“Mark,” you began softly, “you’ve worked so hard to pull away from that life. Let me help you.” Last few weeks were perfect, you were perfect, Mark.
“You’re already my help, but sometimes I slip.” He swallowed to not start spiralling. “I don’t want you to have to close off just because I’m trying to figure out my own demons.”
You gave him a nod.
“Donghyuck told me about last night. I am so fucking sorry.”
“It’s okay.” It’s really not.
“It’s not, you know that too.” Mark’s eyes flickered with hurt, he could feel you weren’t showing your real feelings.
“Okay, I do.”
“I deserve to be screamed at and fought with-.”
“You’re not.” You protested immediately. He was suffering, clearly. You, not showing support but fighting with him and making that bubble fill with more disappointment and hate would result in another outburst, you would never want things to go any worse than they were last night. You wouldn’t fight with him about it, even though you really feel like it. “You don’t have to shoulder this alone,” you reassured him steadily, leaning in, feeling your heartache.
“You can’t, it’s really a me problem.” Okay, where did he lead this?
“I want to be part of that. You need to let me help you fight.”
Mark looked at you, like genuinely, sincerely gave you a look like he heard you for the first time. “But what if it’s not enough? I think you were right, I needed to face the hole I’m in a while ago. I should’ve not acted like I don’t have problems, when you told me I do. I think I really need a break, not the way we did it, but the actual no contact shit.”
“Wha-what?” You jerked back in your seat, you never expected him to want that.
“Let’s take a real break.” His eyes blinked at you dumbly.
“We were…? On a break…? You didn’t talk to me for like… three weeks? Wasn’t that enough?”
“But I wasn’t reflecting on things, I was going around mad and stubborn, thinking how you wronged me and treated me like someone I’m not. This time I think even I’m done with myself pulling shit, I don’t know how you’re still bearing with me.”
“Mark-.” You swallowed, taken aback. You expected a deeper level of remorse on his side this time, much deeper than what he felt up until this moment, but this level of reflecting on himself wasn’t doing any good for either of you?
“I swear on us that’s not it, I’m going to get my shit together and call you. I’m going to give you room to finish school with perfect grades and will try to do the same for me.”
“Mark Lee, are you breaking up with me?” You gritted your teeth, tears suddenly prickling your eyes.
“No, angel, no. I’m stepping aside to become someone who deserves you once again.” Mark moved his body from the chair, kneeling in front of you. “I love you, it’ll never change.”
“Why does it sound then, like you’re breaking up with me?” You let a tear slip down your cheek, Mark’s finger catching it quickly.
“Because you’re silly, I would never break up with you in my right mind.” He stood up, fixing you with a look. “I’ll call you very soon, okay? I love you.”
-
“Not even a hug?” A very familiar voice teased you and you immediately turn your head to its source. “Hi, angel?” Mark beamed at you, your eyes immediately checking him out. If he showed any signs of not being okay, he didn’t, he seemed healthier than ever and happier than ever. Also very, very, very handsome, but maybe your head’s clouded from not seeing him in over a month.
“Oh my god?” You let out a gasp.
“Did you do good on your last exam?”
“I did?” You said confused like you didn’t know how it went. Mark finally came to you, it felt like he was hiding under a rock and you were slowly, once again, starting to believe that was it for the both of you. And he came back, your palms itched with a wish to touch his cheek.
“Good, me too.”
“Really? I couldn’t see you on campus, like at all. I almost believed you decided not to graduate.”
“That would’ve been really silly, knowing how bad I wanted us to be proper adults.” Mark raised a brow at you, snorting.
“Yeah.” You gave him an awkward nod. So he wants to be back in your life? Does that mean he thinks he’s back to being okay? He’s done with whatever was dragging him back? Why was he taking his time instead of telling you straight up what this means.
“So… what about the hug?” He teased once more and you quickly closed the gap between your bodies. “Actually, no, wait.” You paused, a step away from squeezing him in your arms. “I have to explain myself first.”
“Okay?”
“I was a little, or maybe a lot, stressed about this shift from student life to grown up adult with a job life. We’re two idiots that chose art as their path and chose each other as partners, which quite literally leads us to being poor and I was so worried, because I didn’t want your dreams to crush. But also couldn’t see me giving up my own dream, I needed to find balance and talk to you, but instead I… well you know what I did.”
“It’s okay, Mark, I missed you so much. I have so much to tell you-.” You wanted him to know everything that’s been going on with you. Preferably, immediately.
“No, please, wait. I didn’t ask for this break to come back and be an ass to you once again. I got the job at city's philarmony as the lead guitarist.” Your heart made a flip. He did what? “I have to be all sober and able to play the guitar. It’s a 9-5 Monday to Friday and sometimes even weekends, if I’m in rotation for a concert. But currently, mostly, 9-5 because they need to make sure I’m good enough for public playing.”
“Wait, Mark.” You had to take a step back and see his face properly. That did sound like giving up on his dream? Why?
“No, angel, please let me finish this. The income is not something out of the ordinary, but at least I can make sure we are having our own little live. Just you and me. I hope you’re proud and happy, I hope that you’re not too mad at me for vanishing like that. I was running between school and auditions and then Woo suggested I try for this and he was right, anyway-.” He lost his train of thought and looked at you.
“It only matters if you're proud and happy, Mark. You should be doing this for yourself first.” You whispered. Of course you were happy he figured himself out, but you didn’t need him with a job that he hated and eventually started to hate you and everything else. “I don’t want you to do something like that for me - you should be your top priority.”
“I am doing this for myself. So I won't lose you and don't lose myself in this addiction and don’t hate myself for losing everything I had. Will you come see me? At my first show.“
“I will.“ You gave him a nod, Mark leaned in, pleasures grin over his face as he pecked your mouth with his lips. “But wait, do you really want to play the guitar at the philarmony, I thought you were into different genre of music?” You caught his head in your arms, pushing him away enough to see his face.
“It's a starting point. I’m going to take it slow and send out stuff to record labels. If anyone responds - we'll see how it'll unfold.” You gave him a nod, letting his mouth cover yours, both your arms squeezing each other with so much longing.
You knew this time for sure, Mark won’t let himself slip.
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Flipped | Mark Lee
pairing: gryffindor!mark lee x slytherin!fem reader (ft haechan) genre: angst, fluff, smut (in 2nd part) wc: 29k+ summary: the first time you met mark lee, you flipped his world upside down— literally. seven years later and after countless attempts to avoid you, you're still driving him insane. except now, it’s for an entirely different reason. content warnings: mild possessiveness/jealousy, minor confrontation/injuries, non-consensual drugging (love potion), mark is mean at first and terribly bad at feelings, miscommunication, unrequited feelings. explicit sexual content, cursing, loss of virginity, semipublic sexual activity, oral fem receiving, unprotected sex. a/n: proofreading this after meeting mark lee irl had me feeling crazy... bro is actually majestic and i miss him BAD. anyway... this one is special to me because i’ve been wanting to write a hogwarts au since forever and i absolutely love how it came out. this is also slightly inspired by the movie/book “flipped” so it has a ‘she fell first, but he fell harder’ vibe that i’m kinda obsessed with. i tried to do something different and write the events from both perspectives, i hope it’s clear enough so that you can tell when it’s him and when it’s her. feedback is always appreciated! ps: i had to split this into two parts bc apparently i reached the max word count, so all the smut cws apply to the 2nd part . thank you so much for reading!
The first time Mark Lee met you, you flipped his world upside down.
And not in a good way. In the most literal and humiliating way possible.
It happened on the Hogwarts Express, during your very first year. Mark had been desperately searching for an empty cabin but since he was dragging a suitcase stuffed to the brim by his overly concerned mother, he was at a severe disadvantage. Someone else had already claimed the spot every time he reached a door.
By the time he made it to the last cabin, he was already panting. But at last, he found one that was partially empty.
You sat cross-legged on the seat, nose buried in The Quibbler. Mark found that a little odd, his father always said The Quibbler was full of nonsense, a rag for conspiracy theorists rather than real journalism. But that wasn’t his problem. His problem was the fact that both of his arms were shaking from the weight of his bag.
He cleared his throat. “Do you mind if I sit here?”
You looked up, and your messy bangs fell into your wide, starry eyes. For a second, Mark swore they got even bigger at the sight of him.
“Not at all!” you chirped, your voice high and excited.
Mark forced a polite smile and stepped inside, shuffling toward the overhead compartment. He glanced up at where your bag was already neatly placed and swallowed hard. How the hell was he supposed to get his own up there? He wasn’t weak by any means, but after dragging it through the entire train, his arms were screaming in protest.
You seemed to notice his struggle because you set The Quibbler down and pulled out your wand. “Need help?”
Mark was about to shake his head when suddenly, his feet left the ground.
“What—HEY! PUT ME DOWN!”
Mark flailed helplessly as his entire body flipped upside down, his robes falling over his head. Panic surged through him as he felt his pants begin to slip.
“Oh my! I’m so sorry! I thought this was the right spell!” you gasped, flicking your wand again, this time more frantically.
Mark tried to grip at something, anything, but all he managed to do was thrash at the air while more of his clothes tried to slip away from his body.
“I—I don’t know the counterspell!” you admitted in a panic.
At the commotion, students from other cabins poked their heads in. A chorus of laughter erupted at the sight of Mark dangling upside down, arms desperately trying to keep his robes and pants in place.
A tall, older student finally pushed his way inside. He took one look at Mark and sighed as if this were nothing new. “Seriously? Don’t you first-years ever learn?”
“I—I was just trying to help him levitate his bag…”
The older student pinched the bridge of his nose. “Finite.”
Mark hit the seat with an unceremonious thud.
“If you lot keep casting spells on the train, I’ll start deducting points from your houses as soon as you’re sorted,” the boy warned before turning on his heel and waving off the lingering audience.
You hesitated, staring at Mark with wide, guilty eyes. “I’m sorry…” you whispered, your voice wavering just a little.
But Mark wasn’t listening. He was too busy seeing red from both rage and humiliation. Without a word, he grabbed his bag and stormed out.
That was the day Mark Lee met you.
And the day he swore he’d never speak to you again.
The first time you met Mark Lee, you flipped.
Not literally but in the way your heart did a little somersault the moment he stepped into your cabin.
You had been engrossed in The Quibbler, completely enchanted by every bizarre detail about the magical world. Since you grew up with two Muggle parents, receiving your Hogwarts letter was like stepping into a dream where the impossible suddenly was real. You couldn’t get enough of it.
Your cabin door suddenly slid open and a boy stood there, panting slightly, his face flushed red from exertion as he struggled to drag an absurdly large trunk behind him.
You felt your face heat up. You’d never been around many boys growing up, having attended an all-girls school, but there was something about him that struck you immediately. Maybe it was the way his glasses were slipping down his pretty nose, or the way he offered a shy, slightly strained smile as he stepped inside. He was adorable.
And he was struggling.
You watched as he attempted to haul his trunk toward the overhead rack, his arms visibly trembling under its weight. Something in you immediately wanted to help.
The problem was… you had no idea what you were doing.
You’d only ever performed magic by accident, usually when you got too emotional. Your mom still loved to tell the story about how the lights in the house flickered every time you cried as a baby. Or the time Madeline Perkins made fun of your pigtails, and the swings mysteriously sent her flying off the playground.
But you’d only just gotten your wand the day before at Ollivanders. You hadn’t practiced a single spell yet, but you had been reading your textbooks. Wingardium Leviosa was the most basic charm in your book.
How hard could it be?
Apparently, hard enough that you somehow missed the part where it said that even though the spell was only for objects, if it was aimed at a person, it would also make their clothes float.
Which was how you now found yourself staring up at the cute boy you’d just met, his body suspended in midair, robes billowing wildly, eyes wide with pure horror.
Talk about a terrible first impression.
From that moment on, Mark Lee avoided you like the plague.
It didn’t help that you were sorted into different houses—him in Gryffindor, you in Slytherin. You quickly learned that those two houses were basically sworn enemies, which made it even easier for him to pretend you didn’t exist.
Despite his rocky start on the train, Mark had no trouble making friends in Gryffindor. He was well-liked, effortlessly charming, and even if he wasn’t the loudest in the room, he always carried a quiet sort of confidence. You, on the other hand, kept to yourself. Spending most of your free time watching him from across the Great Hall, your crush on him growing by the day.
You didn’t know why you liked him so much, he hadn’t done anything grand or impressive to win your admiration. If anything, he actively tried to avoid you.
You tried approaching him a few times during your first year, hoping to properly apologize and smooth things over. But each time, he found a way to dodge you, claiming he was late for class, too busy with homework, or suddenly needed to be anywhere else but next to you.
So by second year, you changed your approach.
If Mark Lee wouldn’t pay attention to you as a friend, you’d make him notice you as a rival.
Mark had been one of the best students in your first year, so you became an absolute academic weapon in your second. You were determined to match him in every class, if not surpass him.
“Excellent work, Miss Y/N,” Professor McGonagall praised, a rare note of surprise in her voice as she examined the intricate tea jar you had just transfigured from a blue jay.
You glanced over your shoulder at Mark. He was sitting a few rows back, his brows furrowed as he stared at your jar with a barely concealed frown. His own transfiguration was… less successful. The lizard he’d tried to turn into a pen still had a suspiciously scaly texture.
But it wasn’t just Transfiguration where you shined.
You also excelled in Potions, something that became very clear when Professor Snape assigned your class, which you shared with the Gryffindors, the difficult task of brewing Draught of Living Death, a highly advanced sleeping potion that could render someone unconscious with just a single drop.
One of the Gryffindors groaned in frustration. “Sir, this is way too advanced—”
“If it’s too difficult for your little Gryffindor hands,” Snape sneered, cutting him off, “perhaps you should take notes on how some of the Slytherins are managing. Particularly Miss Y/N.”
Your ears burned at the attention as several students shuffled closer to your workstation, peeking at your bubbling cauldron. The only ones who didn’t approach were the Gryffindors at Mark’s table.
You noticed that his potion was violently spewing green gas bubbles, and he looked deeply frustrated, brows knitted together as he stirred with precision.
Letting your own potion simmer for a moment, you stood up and made your way over to his table. The chatter among his friends died down as you approached. Zhong Chenle, the boy sitting next to him, smacked his arm lightly to get his attention.
Mark finally looked up, his glasses fogged from the potion fumes, and the front of his hair sticking up in all directions.
You stifled a laugh.
“Need help?” you asked, tilting your head slightly.
Mark blinked at you, and for the first time since the train, you finally had his full attention.
“No, thanks. I got it.”
The words had barely left Mark’s mouth when his potion let out another violent blorp, spewing a sickly green bubble into the air. It popped immediately, releasing a smell so putrid it made your stomach churn.
“Dude, that smells like a troll’s ass,” Chenle cackled, covering his nose.
Jaemin, who was sitting across from Mark, raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, mate. She’s the best in the class.” He shot you a grin. “Let her help.”
Mark resisted the urge to groan. He knew they were right, but the last thing he wanted was for you to be the one correcting him. It was bad enough that you had been outshining him in every subject lately, now you were swooping in to save him too?
But before he could protest again, you stepped closer to his cauldron making his entire body tense.
“What did you add to make it green like this?” you asked, peering into the potion. Your voice was calm, inquisitive like you weren’t there to gloat but to actually help.
Mark clenched his jaw, eyes fixed stubbornly on the cauldron. “I did exactly as the instructions said.”
Jaemin let out a small snort, clearly unconvinced.
“Hm,” you hummed, examining the bubbling liquid. “You must’ve added more than three drops of Valerian root extract.”
Mark frowned. Valerian root extract? He thought back to when he had been adding the ingredients, trying to get ahead of everyone. Had he miscounted? Maybe. Probably.
You reached for a small vial of powdered sopophorous bean and sprinkled just a pinch into the potion. “This should balance it out and bring it back to its original black color,” you explained, gently stirring the mixture.
Mark watched in reluctant amazement as the once-toxic green sludge darkened before his eyes, settling into the inky black shade it was supposed to be.
He barely stopped his brows from rising in surprise. You had fixed it. Just like that.
Mark swallowed down the frustrated lump in his throat. He wasn’t about to give you the satisfaction of knowing you had one-upped him again.
“That was impressive, Y/N,” Jaemin said, clapping his hands.
“Thanks,” you said, smiling shyly. “The instructions in this book are a bit ambiguous, so I suggest adding less than what the recipe says at first, watching how the colors change, and then adjusting accordingly.”
Mark exhaled slowly, forcing himself to loosen his grip on his stirring rod. He hated to admit it, but that was actually… good advice.
Still, he kept his eyes on his potion, refusing to look at you or thank you for helping.
"You should start sitting with us, Y/N," Chenle said, grinning like a cat as he threw an arm around Mark. "So you can help our boy here, who’s clearly lost."
Mark didn’t miss the way your eyes lit up at the invitation. And that was exactly why he needed to shut this down immediately.
He knew about your little crush on him, everyone did. You weren’t exactly subtle about it. You always looked at him with those heart eyes across the Great Hall, his friends teased him about it constantly. You also cheered the loudest for him at every Quidditch match, even when he was playing against Slytherin. Even when your house lost. He’d seen the way your own housemates sneered at you for it, the way they mocked your infatuation, but you never seemed to care.
The other thing about you was that you were so unapologetically Muggle-born.
Not that Mark cared about blood status. He wasn't that kind of wizard, despite coming from a long line of pure-bloods. But you made it so difficult for yourself. You didn’t even try to blend in among your Slytherin peers. You didn’t mind their teasing, didn’t care that you had practically no friends in your own house.
It was frustrating, the way you took every jab with a smile, like none of it ever got to you. But what frustrated him even more was that whenever he said anything, whenever he so much as muttered something slightly harsh, your whole face fell.
And for some stupid reason, that bothered him more than it should.
“Sorry, this table is already full,” Mark said, once again avoiding your gaze. He imagined the way your smile faltered.
“What are you talking about? There’s plenty of—”
Mark elbowed Chenle sharply in the stomach.
“Like I said, the table’s full.”
“Oh… okay,” you murmured, your head dipping slightly. “Then I’ll leave you to it.”
Mark didn’t watch you walk away, but he could feel the disappointment in your steps.
“Dude, you’re so mean to her,” Jaemin muttered, his eyes still on your retreating figure. “She clearly likes you.”
“Whatever,” Mark huffed, waving him off. “Let’s focus on something else.” He ignored the knowing smirk Jaemin shot him and tried—failed—to ignore the creeping warmth rising up his neck.
In your third year, you found a passion for Herbology.
Mark should’ve been relieved. After all, the more time you spent in the greenhouse, the less time you spent trying to talk to him. And at first, it was great. He barely had to think about you at all.
But then… it became his problem.
Because one day, he started noticing small bowls of water left in his usual spots—on the Gryffindor table, outside the Quidditch locker room, even near the Gryffindor common room entrance. At first, he ignored them. Maybe some first-years were testing a spell. Maybe it was a coincidence.
Then, he saw the petals floating in the water shift and transform into delicate, shimmering fish as soon as he grabbed the bowl.
And Mark hated to admit it… but it intrigued him. The magic was advanced, something most students their age wouldn’t even attempt. He even caught himself watching the tiny enchanted fish, mesmerized by the way their colors glowed under the candlelight.
That was his mistake, because his friends noticed.
“You’re actually accepting her gifts now,” Chenle teased, crossing his arms as Mark peeled off his muddy Quidditch uniform.
“We don’t even know if it’s hers,” Mark argued, tossing his gloves onto the bench.
Jaemin snorted. “Do you really think anyone else in our year knows how to do that kind of magic?”
“Yeah, she’s the only one crazy enough about you to put in that much effort,” Chenle added with a smirk.
Mark rolled his eyes. “There are other girls who like me, you know.”
Jaemin raised an eyebrow. “Are there? ’Cause I feel like Y/N’s already scared them all off.”
Chenle laughed. “Honestly, just give her a chance. She’s pretty, and let’s be real, she’d probably do anything for you.”
Mark sighed, rubbing a towel over his damp hair.
They didn’t get it. He’d spent years running from you, dodging your attempts, shutting down any rumors before they could spread. He couldn’t just give in now.
Maybe it didn’t make sense to anyone else.
But it did to him.
So he kept doing what made the most sense to him, and one day, you found yourself walking into the greenhouse when your eyes immediately spotted the familiar bowls scattered across the table. Your heart clenched at the sight, but you refused to believe Mark would just discard your gifts like that.
But as you approached, you noticed something that made your stomach twist painfully. The fish, once so vibrant and lively, now lay still in the water. They barely moved. They didn't swim with the same energy, the same color that had once made them sparkle. They just stayed there, like lifeless figures floating in stagnant water. And, as ridiculous as it sounded, you could almost swear they looked sad.
It hit you like a physical blow. Mark really didn’t want anything to do with you.
The realization didn’t come alone, though. You’d noticed it over the last few months, but you’d been too stubborn to admit it to yourself. Mark had been spending more time with a girl from Ravenclaw. You didn’t even know her name, but the way they talked and laughed together, the way he’d smile at her with that soft look you’d always hoped to get... It was all the confirmation you needed. Mark Lee wasn’t just avoiding you… he was interested in someone else.
You stood there in the greenhouse, staring at the fish, a sinking feeling settling deep in your chest. He didn’t care about you the way you’d always hoped.
In your fourth year, you decided it was time to focus on yourself. To put Mark away and finally let go of your feelings for him.
You’d been practicing something called Occlumency. Professor Snape had given you a book on it and told you it would help you shield away any distractions when you started falling behind in class due to your little infatuation with a certain seeker.
“This is very advanced magic,” Snape had said, handing you the book with a knowing look, “and it takes months, sometimes years, of practice to master it.”
And practice you did. Every day, you worked at it, pushing your emotions into a mental drawer and locking it away. It was hard at first. Your thoughts kept wandering back to Mark, but slowly, you began to make progress. You learned to control your thoughts, to put each memory, each feeling about him into that mental drawer, one by one, and shove it far back in your mind.
The more you practiced, the easier it became. It wasn’t perfect, but over the course of the year, you started to feel a strange sense of indifference towards Mark Lee.
At least until The Yule Ball was announced in the middle of the term. Even with all your hard work on Occlumency, you couldn’t stop the twinge of longing that crept in. You knew Mark would be going with Mia, the Ravenclaw girl whose name you had learned through the whispers of the school. It wasn’t like you had any right to feel disappointed, but the nagging thought of asking him yourself refused to leave your mind.
You had planned to skip the celebration altogether. The last thing you wanted was to sit alone while Mark and Mia danced, all dressed up and happy.
But that changed one afternoon in the library when you were buried in research on Venomous Tentacula for a Herbology project
The library was the one place where you could lose yourself without interruption, so you were caught off guard when you heard footsteps approaching and a voice calling your name.
“Hey, Y/N, right?”
You turned, surprised to see Lee Haechan standing there. He was easily one of the most popular guys in Slytherin, the kind of person who always had a group of friends around him, cracking jokes and showing off on the Quidditch pitch. He wasn’t one to hang around in the library by himself during a free period. You couldn’t even remember the last time you had spoken to him—if you ever had.
“Yeah,” you answered, your voice more guarded than usual.
You were used to your fellow Slytherins teasing you for the smallest things, such as your Muggle clothes or the way you searched for books manually instead of having Madam Pince summon them for you.
“You probably don’t remember, but last year, you helped me during the Potions final,” he said, his tone surprisingly shy. It was a sharp contrast to the cocky confidence he usually carried.
You thought back, remembering how badly he had struggled to keep his assigned potion from bubbling over and spilling across the table. You had only helped him because if his potion had spilled into yours, it would’ve ruined your work. But you didn’t tell him that.
“I remember,” you said, reaching for a book on a higher shelf.
Before you could grab it, he stepped closer, plucking it from the shelf with ease.
“Thanks,” you muttered, slightly suspicious of the unexpected kindness.
Then he said something that completely threw you off balance. “Listen, I heard you don’t have a date for the Yule Ball.”
You tried to keep your expression neutral, but your fingers tightened slightly around the book. Lee Haechan, of all people, was bringing up the Yule Ball? He was one of the most sought-after guys in Slytherin, and yet here he was, talking to you about the biggest event of the year.
“I’m not really planning on going,” you said, brushing off the conversation as you moved toward a nearby table.
And, of course, he followed.
“Really? Why not?” he asked, dropping into the seat across from you.
You sighed, knowing he wouldn’t leave you alone until you answered. “For starters, I don’t dance.” You flipped open your book, eyes scanning the pages in an attempt to distract yourself.
Haechan leaned forward slightly. “Ah, that’s an easy fix. I can teach you.”
You glanced up, raising a brow. “Where is all this coming from, Haechan?”
His smile widened when you said his name “I thought it was obvious,” he said. “I want you to go to the dance with me.”
You stared at him, waiting for the punchline, for the moment he’d burst into laughter and reveal it was all some elaborate joke. But he didn’t laugh. He just watched you, his smile still in place.
“Me?” you asked, narrowing your eyes.
He nodded. “You have pretty eyes, by the way.” His voice was casual as if he were just commenting on the weather. You nearly choked on your own breath, covering it up with an exaggerated cough.
“Did anyone ever tell you that?” he continued, watching your reaction with obvious amusement.
You willed yourself to stay composed, but your heart was racing. What was he playing at?
“Why would you want to go with me?” you asked. “It can’t just be because I helped you once on a test.”
“Why not?” He rested his chin in his hand. “Maybe I’m extremely grateful and want to repay you.”
Your heart beat faster than you wanted it to, and you couldn’t tell if he was just messing with you or if he actually meant it. Haechan had a teasing air about him that made it impossible to tell. Was this a bet with his friends? Or did he just enjoy seeing you flustered?
You hesitated, trying to find the right words, but before you could say anything, he stood abruptly.
“Sleep on it if you want,” he said with a grin. “You can tell me after the Quidditch game on Saturday.”
“Oh, but I wasn’t planning on—”
“I’ll see you there, Y/N,” Haechan said, cutting you off with a wave. Before you could protest, he walked away, leaving you in stunned silence.
The next few days were strange. Haechan was clearly hovering around you. He wasn’t making it obvious, but you were observant enough to notice that he wasn’t skipping some of your shared classes anymore. He had also started spending time in the library even though you’d rarely seen him there before. He didn’t approach you, but you felt his eyes on you every time.
You also realized he was checking out books right after you did. It was oddly amusing, so you decided to mess with him one day.
You had spent enough time in the library to know how to take books from the Restricted Section without alerting Madam Pince. You pretended to read over one, placed it on a different shelf, and waited. A few minutes later, you spotted Haechan heading straight for that section.
Silence filled the air, then a bloodcurdling scream rang through the library. The sound of a book hitting the floor echoed through the rows of shelves. Moments later, Haechan rushed out, his wide eyes locking onto you as you hunched over, struggling to hold in your laughter.
“I’m guessing that was your doing,” he said, dropping into the seat beside you.
You shook your head, still grinning. “That’s just a security mechanism all the books from the Restricted Section have.”
His brows lifted, amusement flickering in his gaze. “How did you even get a book out of there without a professor’s note?”
You shrugged. “I have my ways.”
He tilted his head slightly, watching you with something that made you suddenly self-conscious. “You keep surprising me, Y/N.”
Across the library, Mark sat at a table with Mia, his Potions textbook open in front of him but he wasn't reading anymore and his quill was static in the air. His gaze was locked on you and Haechan, watching the way you leaned in, the way your laughter softened the space between you. Mia followed his stare, then let out a quiet hum.
“What an odd picture, huh?”
Mark blinked, tearing his eyes away. “What?”
Mia tilted her head, her quill twirling between her fingers. “They’re from the same house, sure, but Haechan is one of the most popular guys in school.” She glanced over at you, then back at Mark, a slow smile tugging at her lips. “And she… isn’t she kind of an outcast? Even in her own house?”
Mark tried to keep his tone neutral and disinterested “So?”
Mia let out a soft laugh, dipping her quill in ink. “Isn’t it obvious? He’s probably just bored. Using her for his own amusement.”
Mark glanced back at your table. Haechan was leaning in, grinning as he spoke to you. You looked up at him with something close to exasperation, but there was a smile playing on your lips. It was weird. You didn’t smile like that often.
He ignored the way something twisted in his chest. “You don’t know that,” he muttered, forcing his eyes back to his parchment.
Mia hummed, unconvinced. “I guess we’ll see, won’t we?”
The next morning, you woke up earlier than usual for a Saturday with a quiet sense of dread settling over you. Instead of heading to the greenhouse like you normally would, you made your way to the Quidditch pitch, the crisp morning air biting at your skin. You had layered up so much that your scarf nearly swallowed half your face, but even with the extra warmth, you wished you were still curled up in bed.
When you reached the stands, the realization hit you like a punch to your face—today’s match was against Gryffindor.
You should’ve known, but school events had barely been on your radar between your Occlumency lessons and your herbology studies.
You climbed up to the Slytherin side of the stands, slipping into a seat in the back row. It wasn’t crowded yet, and you hoped to stay unnoticed, keeping your head low. The last thing you wanted was to catch the attention of a certain seeker. Or two. Not that Mark would be looking your way anyway.
The distant whoosh of broomsticks cut through the morning stillness, and then, all at once, the stadium came alive. Players soared onto the pitch in a blur of red and green, the announcer’s voice booming through the enchanted speakers. You were only half-listening when you noticed Haechan scanning the crowd.
You set to ignore him when his eyes landed on you.
He mouthed something, but you couldn’t quite make out the words from the distance. His lips moved again, slower this time, like he was asking a question.
You hesitated, then lifted your hand in a thumbs-up, hoping that would satisfy whatever he wanted. Though you immediately regretted it when you felt the weight of other eyes shifting onto you. People had noticed the exchange. Your face burned, and you quickly looked away.
The game began, and you tried to focus. Your eyes followed Haechan for most of it, but every so often, your Occlumency walls slipped, and your gaze found Mark. He was fast, his broom cutting through the air as he scoured the pitch for the Snitch. Haechan was right on his tail, matching his every turn, the two of them locked in a battle of speed.
You knew Mark was a talented seeker. He was quick and light in the air, but his broom wasn’t as fast as Haechan’s, and that made some difference.
You weren’t really rooting for either of them. At least, that’s what you told yourself. Though the right thing to do as a Slytherin would be to hope for Haechan’s victory.
The crowd suddenly roared, breaking you from your thoughts. Both seekers had disappeared behind one of the towers in a steep dive, and they were gone for a few agonizing seconds. Then, like a flash of green lightning, Haechan shot back into the air, arm raised, the golden Snitch clutched tight in his fist.
The Slytherins around you erupted into cheers, the stands vibrating with excitement. You blinked, then let yourself be swept up in the celebration, joining the chorus of triumphant screams.
Haechan suddenly veered toward the stands, his broom tilting slightly as he hovered just above the crowd. He brought the Snitch to his lips, pressing a quick kiss to its delicate golden surface before tossing it in your direction. Your hands reacted before your mind could catch up, fingers closing around the tiny fluttering ball with ease.
A collective gasp rippled through the Slytherin section, eyes darting between you and Haechan.
"Y/N!" Haechan called out, his voice carrying effortlessly over the noise of the crowd. "Will you go to the Yule Ball with me?"
The world felt like it had slowed.
You hated attention. You hated feeling like all eyes were on you. But what you hated the most in that moment was the fact that Mark was there, hovering just behind Haechan, watching everything unfold. His broom was still, his expression neutral, but you could feel his eyes burning into you, waiting for your response.
"So," Haechan prompted, his voice a little breathless from the cold and the game, his nose and cheeks tinged pink. "What's your answer?"
Your fingers tightened around the Snitch. You risked a quick glance at Mark, searching for something—anything—in his face. But all you could see was the annoyance from losing the match.
There was only one right answer.
"Okay," you said.
Haechan grinned, throwing his arms up in victory. The crowd erupted, voices overlapping as cheers and chants of his name filled the air.
Mark wasn’t on his best game today. He was usually laser-focused before a match, but things weren’t going right thia morning. First, someone pulled a prank and turned his Quidditch robes a bright pink. Now, he was stuck wearing Sungchan’s, which were way too big. They hung loosely around his shoulders and got in the way whenever he tried to move.
On top of that, Mark was in a strangely sour mood, though he couldn’t figure out why. Everything felt off. The broom didn’t feel right in his hands, and the wind felt harsher than usual.
Then he saw you in the stands.
At first, he thought you were there for him. You usually came to cheer him on, so it made sense. But when Lee Haechan flew by and his face lit up when he saw you, Mark realized he’d been wrong. You looked flustered, but you still gave him a thumbs up.
So, you weren’t there for him? That was okay. Actually, it was better than okay.
But then Haechan wouldn’t stop. He kept swooping around Mark, poking fun.
“A little slow today, huh?” Haechan called as he flew beside Mark. “You looking a little distracted, Lee.”
Mark narrowed his eyes. “Focus on your game,” he said, his tone clipped.
“Oh, I am.” Haechan’s eyes flickered to you in the stands, where you were rubbing your hands together for warmth.
Mark’s focus broke. The rest of the game felt like a blur.
He was usually the fastest to spot the snitch. No matter who he played against, his eyes always found it first. And Haechan wasn’t known for being the most observant player, so when Mark saw the snitch fluttering just a few feet away, he immediately maneuvered toward it. But his borrowed robes dragged around his legs, slowing him down. By the time he managed to free himself, Haechan had already spotted the snitch and was racing toward it.
Mark pushed forward, forcing his broom to match Haechan’s speed. When he caught up, the Slytherin boy turned to him with a smirk and a challenge in his eyes.
“First one to catch it wins the prize,” Haechan said.
Mark frowned. There was no prize for catching the snitch. The cup at the end of the year depended on accumulated wins, and there were still plenty of matches left. But then it clicked. Haechan wasn’t talking about the cup. He was talking about you.
For some ridiculous reason, he thought Mark was interested in you.
The snitch suddenly dove, and both seekers followed. They jostled for position, each elbowing the other to get ahead. But then Haechan leaned forward, and it was like his broom had shifted into another gear. He shot ahead, leaving Mark behind with no chance to catch up.
When Mark rose back to the pitch, he already knew he had lost.
It shouldn’t have pissed him off as much as it did. Gryffindor had been on a winning streak for the past three matches, and they were still leading. This loss wouldn’t hurt them in the long run. But something about losing to Haechan irritated him.
It definitely wasn’t the fact that Haechan flew straight toward you. It wasn’t the fact that he tossed you the snitch and asked you, in front of the entire school, to go to the dance with him.
Mark didn’t know why his ribs felt tight against his chest or why he found himself waiting for you to look at him. But then you did, and all he could do was scowl.
And then you said okay.
Mark didn’t want to hear the cheers so he turned his broom and flew away.
It was the night of the Yule Ball, and you were nervous. Ever since the match, you had started getting more attention from your fellow Slytherins. Some of it was good, some of it wasn’t. A few girls had taken an interest in you, though, and they were nice enough that you didn’t feel the need to keep your guard up so you didn't refuse when they offered to help you get ready for the ball.
“You have really pretty eyes,” Minjeong said, tilting your chin up. “I think if we curl your lashes and tweeze your brows a bit, they’d stand out even more.”
“Oh. Thanks,” you said, shifting awkwardly on the vanity stool they had just enchanted into existence in the dorm.
“I hope you don’t mind,” Karina started, eyes bright with excitement, “but I made some modifications to your dress.”
You tensed. “What? What kind of modifications?”
“Oh, just a few little ones,” she said, waving a hand dismissively. “I mean… you’re about to show up with the most popular Slytherin guy. You can't wear something plain.”
“Right,” Minjeong agreed, blending eyeshadow onto your lids. “You have to show everyone you’re on his level.”
You weren’t sure how you felt about that. But you let them work. They curled and pinned your hair, dusted powders and pigments onto your face, and finished off with a few well-placed glamour enchantments. When they finally let you open your eyes, the reflection staring back at you was almost unrecognizable.
“This is our best work yet,” Minjeong said, clapping Karina on the back.
“Absolutely,” the taller girl agreed, looking satisfied.
Your hair fell in soft curls over your shoulders, half-pinned in the back with what looked like strands of shimmering tinsel woven in. Your eyes somehow looked bigger, framed by thick lashes that made them seem darker, more intense. Your brows were perfectly shaped, giving your face a softer, more refined look.
“Okay, now put on the dress! We’ll go get ready,” Karina said, pointing toward the neatly laid-out fabric on your bed.
Before you could say anything, they were already out the door.
“Thank you!” you called after them, but they were long gone.
You turned toward the bed, hands smoothing over the fabric of the dress Karina had "modified". To your relief, it was still elegant and not overly flashy. The gown was a soft, silvery blue with a delicate shimmer that caught the light when you moved. The bodice was fitted but modest, with sheer lace sleeves that draped lightly over your shoulders. The skirt flowed down in gentle layers of airy fabric, giving it an almost weightless quality. It was pretty, delicate, and just fancy enough to make it clear you hadn’t thrown it together last minute.
You let out a breath you hadn't realized you were holding. At least it wasn’t anything too dramatic.
When you stepped out of the girls' dorm and into the Slytherin common room, your heart pounded so loudly you were sure someone could hear it. Haechan was waiting for you, and the moment your eyes met, you noticed how the entire room seemed to pause. Conversations quieted, and nearly every gaze turned toward you.
“Wow… you look so… wow,” Haechan stammered, walking up to you. His expression was so genuinely stunned that you felt warmth rise to your cheeks.
“You look gorgeous, and I don’t think that even describes it well.” He took your hand and pressed a soft kiss to your knuckles, his lips curling into a grin when he noticed how flustered you looked.
“Hah, thanks,” you chuckled nervously. “You look nice too.” He did. His black suit fit him well, long robes flowing behind him, accented with silver details that made him look effortlessly put together. His hair was slicked back, but a single strand had fallen over his forehead, softening his sharp features.
He placed a hand on your back and led you up the stairs and out of the dungeons, you instinctively held onto his arm to steady yourself.
Thankfully, by the time you reached the Great Hall, the attention had shifted from you. The room was filled with students dressed in elegant robes, sparkling gowns, and tailored suits, each more dazzling than the next. The sheer number of people made it easy to blend in, or so you thought.
Because somewhere across the hall, a particular Gryffindor’s eyes never left you.
“Who is that?” Jaemin asked, his mouth hanging open in disbelief.
“That’s Y/N, idiot,” Chenle replied, looking equally stunned.
“No way… seriously?” Jaemin’s eyes widened.
“Now she finally looks like she could really date someone like Lee Haechan,” Mia chimed in, sipping her drink with a raised eyebrow.
Mark didn’t respond. His gaze remained fixed on you across the room.
“Cat got your tongue?” Mia teased, and Mark snapped out of his trance, his eyes meeting hers.
“No…uhm… she looks the same to me.” Mark muttered before walking away.
You ended up enjoying yourself far more than you’d expected. Haechan was surprisingly fun to be around, and he wasn’t getting too touchy, which you appreciated. You both jumped and swayed to the music of the Weird Sisters.
“I hate this band!” Haechan shouted over the noise, but his feet didn’t stop moving.
You burst out laughing. “Me too.”
He grinned at you, his face flushed, both of you breathless and sweaty.
Then, out of nowhere, he asked, “Hey, what’s up with you and Mark Lee?”
Your laughter died in your throat.
“Huh? Nothing, why?” you stammered, trying to hide your nerves.
“Because he’s looking at me like he wants to hex my head off,” Haechan said, chuckling.
You glanced over your shoulder and saw Mark indeed staring in your direction. His expression was tight, angry even, but there was something else there too. Beside him, Mia was practically clawing at his attention, asking him something. He simply shook his head, dismissing her with a frown before she stormed off.
“Don’t mind him,” you said, turning back to Haechan, but he was already watching you.
“I’m not,” he said softly, his hands finding yours.
Suddenly, you were standing closer to him, and you had to tilt your head to meet his gaze. The music shifted into a slower tune, and your heart skipped a beat when you realized how close he was now.
“Stop me if you’re not okay with this,” he murmured, his breath warm against your face. Before you could even process, his lips brushed yours, and then he closed the gap entirely.
Haechan’s lips were soft against yours, and for a brief moment, the world around you disappeared. The music faded into the background, the chatter of students blurred into nothing, and it was just the two of you.
Then, all at once, everything shattered.
A loud crack echoed through the Great Hall, and before you could process what was happening, something thick and cold splattered down your back. You gasped, stumbling away from Haechan as a chilling sensation spread over your skin. A murmur rippled through the crowd as gasps and stifled laughter filled the air.
You looked down. Dark, sticky liquid seeped into the delicate fabric of your dress, staining the soft silk into something sickly and ruined. A pungent smell filled your nose. You barely had time to react before your dress started shrinking.
Your breath caught as the bodice tightened, the fabric pulling uncomfortably against your ribs, cinching around your waist like an invisible grip. Your sleeves vanished, and the hemline shot up several inches in one horrifying swoop, exposing far too much of your legs.
The laughter grew louder.
You clenched your fists, heart pounding as humiliation crashed over you in waves.
“What the hell?” Haechan’s voice rang out, sharp and furious. He whipped around, wand drawn, eyes scanning the hall for the culprit.
And then your gaze landed on Mark.
He stood several feet away, his wand still faintly sparking at the tip. His expression was frozen, his face a shade paler than before. His mouth was slightly open, like he wasn’t sure how the spell had left his lips in the first place.
But you didn’t see uncertainty. You didn’t see hesitation or guilt. All you saw was an angry boy.
A boy who barely acknowledged you before. A boy who always seemed unimpressed by your very existence. A boy who just humiliated you in front of the entire school.
Your throat tightened.
He really hated you that much.
Haechan was already stepping in front of you, blocking you from the murmuring students. His wand was still raised, his grip so tight his knuckles had gone white.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, Lee?” His voice cut through the noise, venom dripping from every word.
Mark didn’t respond. His jaw was clenched, his fingers twitching like he wanted to undo what he had just done. But he didn’t move.
Your breath was shaky as you forced your voice to come out steady. “You didn’t have to do that.”
Mark’s gaze snapped to you, something flickering in his eyes. But you didn’t care what it was.
“You could’ve just ignored me like you always do,” you continued, your voice sharper now, your chest rising and falling with barely contained anger. “You didn’t have to humiliate me.”
Mark opened his mouth, but for once, he had nothing to say.
You swallowed against the lump in your throat, then turned away.
Haechan was already pulling off his robe, draping it over your shoulders before wrapping a protective arm around you. “C’mon, let’s go,” he muttered under his breath, shooting one last glare in Mark’s direction before leading you out of the Great Hall.
Mark didn’t mean to stare.
But from the second you stepped into the Great Hall, he couldn’t seem to look away.
You didn’t look different. That’s what he told himself. It was just a dress. Just some makeup. Just a bunch of pointless glamour spells. Nothing about you had actually changed.
And yet.
And yet.
His grip tightened around the goblet in his hand as he watched you dance with Haechan, laughing at something he said, looking so damn happy at his side. Mark didn’t even know Haechan that well, but for some reason, he hated him.
He hated the way Haechan touched your waist. He hated the way you let him pull you closer when the song slowed down. Hated the way you tilted your head to look up at him, that slight pause in your movements making it clear what was about to happen.
Mark’s heart slammed against his ribs, something bubbling up inside him, something sharp and hot and suffocating.
And before he even thought about what he was doing, his fingers twitched around his wand.
It happened too fast.
A crackle of magic shot from his wand like a reflex, like something instinctual, something uncontrollable. It streaked through the air, twisting and curling before hitting you and Haechan where you stood.
The Great Hall fell into silence and then laughter erupted.
Mark could barely register what had happened, only that you looked devastated. Your dress was drenched and shrinking until the delicate fabric was something ridiculous, something cruel, something designed to humiliate.
His blood ran cold. He had done that.
He hadn’t meant to. He didn’t even know what spell he cast, just that it happened because of the way you looked at Haechan. Because of the way Mark didn’t want you to look at Haechan.
Haechan’s voice cut through the buzzing in his ears.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, Lee?”
You turned to him then, and when your eyes met his, something inside him dropped.
Because you didn’t only look angry. You looked… hurt.
"You didn't have to do that," you said, and it wasn’t an accusation. It was just... disappointment.
Mark felt something claw up his throat. But he couldn’t say anything.
He watched as you shook your head, your expression hardening as you pulled Haechan’s robe tighter around yourself.
"You could’ve just ignored me like you always do,” you said, voice sharp now. “You didn’t have to humiliate me."
Mark opened his mouth, but nothing came out.
And then you turned your back on him. And he just stood there still gripping his wand.
Still feeling that suffocating thing inside his chest.
Hating himself for the fact that he had only just realized what it was.
Mark felt like the ground had been yanked from under him. His whole body felt heavy, like he was stuck in some kind of nightmare where he could see everything going wrong but couldn’t stop it.
Jaemin sighed, shoving Mark’s wand into his own pocket. “Seriously, what the hell was that?”
Mark couldn’t answer. He was still staring at the spot where you’d stood, where you’d looked at him like he was the worst person in the world.
Chenle shook his head. “Look, I don’t know what your problem is with her, but you actually humiliated her in front of everyone. That’s not just being petty, Mark. That’s being cruel.”
“I didn’t mean to,” Mark said quickly, voice hoarse, but even as the words left his mouth, he knew how weak they sounded. What did that even mean? That he hadn’t meant to hex you? That he hadn’t meant to let his jealousy swallow him whole?
Jaemin scoffed. “Well it sure as hell looked intentional.”
Mark ran a hand through his hair, frustration and guilt tangling in his throat. “I—I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking. It just—” He exhaled sharply. “It just happened.”
Jaemin exchanged a look with Chenle. “Right. It just happened that you hexed her right when she was kissing Haechan.”
Mark’s jaw tightened. He hated the way Jaemin said it. Like it was so obvious.
Chenle crossed his arms. “If you’re gonna act like this every time you see her with another guy, maybe just admit that you like her and spare everyone the dramatics.”
Mark flinched. “I don’t—”
Jaemin held up a hand. “Before you finish that sentence, think really hard about whether or not it’s a lie.”
Mark clamped his mouth shut. Because he didn’t know anymore.
But it didn’t matter, did it? Even if he did like you, what difference would it make?
You were the one who hated him now.
By the time your fifth year came around, you’d successfully mastered Occlumency so well that when you returned to school Mark was nothing more than a passing thought. The memories you had of him felt distant, like a foggy dream.
You never thought you’d feel this way, but it was almost freeing. The emotional weight he’d carried for so long was no longer crushing you. You were finally able to move on.
After what happened at the Yule Ball, you were relieved that Haechan seemed to understand you needed space. He kept things between you friendly, never bringing up the kiss or attempting to do it again. It made things easier, even if there was still an underlying tension whenever he caught your eye for too long. But just because he didn’t push for anything more didn’t mean he stopped very obviously flirting with you.
If anything, he seemed to have doubled down. Compliments slipped into every conversation, his arm would brush against yours whenever he passed by, and he always found some excuse to sit next to you in the common room or during meals. It was like he had claimed you in some unspoken way—not forcefully, or in a way that made you uncomfortable, but in a way that let everyone else know that he was still very much interested.
Karina and Minjeong, meanwhile, had become your biggest support system. For the first time, you felt like you truly had friends. And if they had one common enemy, it was Mark Lee.
“He is so pathetic,” Karina muttered, stabbing at her breakfast aggressively. “Walking around like a sad puppy as if he isn’t evil.”
“How dare the Gryffindors say we’re the house full of terrible people when they have someone like Mark Lee?” Minjeong scoffed, tossing her hair over her shoulder.
You hid a small smile behind your cup, already used to their daily Mark-related grievances. It had become routine at this point. Every morning, without fail, they found something new to complain about. And if they couldn’t find anything, they made something up.
“I mean, look at him,” Karina continued, tilting her head toward the Gryffindor table. “He’s just poking at his food and sighing dramatically. Does he expect us to feel bad?”
Minjeong rolled her eyes. “As if he has anything to be heartbroken over. He’s the one who embarrassed you in front of everyone. And now he has the audacity to mope around? Get a grip.”
You said nothing, focusing on your plate instead. You had built up your Occlumency walls so well that even you weren’t sure what you felt about Mark anymore. You weren’t angry. You weren’t sad. You weren’t… anything. And you were proud of that.
You stopped going to Quidditch games after a while. You just couldn’t shake the feeling of self-consciousness that crept in every time you stepped into the stands. But Karina and Minjeong convinced you to go today. It was Slytherin’s match, and though it was against Gryffindor, you agreed. You trusted your walls, confident that nothing could touch you now.
The game started, despite the pouring rain. The weather only seemed to make it more intense. The announcer’s voice echoed over the field, remarking on the lightning that nearly struck the Slytherin keeper. You could barely hear him over the storm.
Mark and Haechan were both darting across the sky, locked in pursuit of the Snitch. They were higher than the other players, cutting through the rain like streaks of lightning themselves. You tried to follow them with your eyes, but the thick raindrops blurred your vision and the gusts of wind whipped your hair into your face, making it harder to see. Then, all at once, the sky split open with a crack of lightning.
Your heart skipped a beat as you saw Mark’s broom fall from the sky, his body following in a terrifying, uncontrolled descent.
“Oh my god!” You gasped, your voice barely carrying over the storm. Time seemed to slow. Your mind raced as you realized that one of the professors had cast the Arresto Momentum charm just in time. The world around you shifted back into real-time, and suddenly, Mark’s body was lying motionless on the pitch.
He was unconscious but thankfully unscathed. The rain was pouring down in sheets now, mixing with the frenzy of footsteps as professors rushed to his side.
Without thinking, you slipped out of the stands, pushing through the chaos of the crowd. Your heart was hammering in your chest, your breath quickening as you neared the pitch. The professors were already at his side, checking him over carefully. You could barely breathe, the panic tightening around your chest.
“Mark,” you whispered, as if calling him out of a deep sleep.
When Mark woke up, the first thing he saw was Madam Pomfrey waving her wand over him, a soft golden light flickering at the tip as she muttered a diagnostic spell under her breath.
“Oh, great heavens! You’re finally awake,” she gasped, clutching her chest in relief. “I was beginning to think I’d have to send for St. Mungo’s. There was no reason for you to still be unconscious!”
Mark blinked a few times, his vision still slightly blurred, before realizing he wasn’t alone. Chenle and Jaemin were sitting nearby, their faces tight with concern.
“Mate, you scared the shit out of us,” Chenle said, his brows furrowed.
“We thought we lost you,” Jaemin added, a little too serious for Mark’s liking.
“What… happened?” Mark asked, his voice hoarse, as if he hadn’t had a sip of water in days.
“You fell off your broom from at least fifty feet in the air. It was insane,” Chenle said.
“I don’t… why don’t I remember anything?” Mark mumbled, wincing as a dull, throbbing pain settled in his skull.
“Professor McGonagall slowed your fall, but you still hit the ground pretty hard. You must’ve knocked your head,” Jaemin explained.
Madam Pomfrey huffed. “I’ll bring you a dose of Revitalizing Tonic, it should help with the disorientation. You two wrap things up and get to your dorms… it’s far too late for visitors.” She turned on her heel, bustling off toward her supply cabinet.
Jaemin scooted closer, watching Mark carefully. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I got beat up by the Whomping Willow,” Mark muttered.
Chenle snorted. “You’re lucky you didn’t actually land on it. That would’ve been really bad.”
“We were all so worried. No one thought you’d wake up today,” Jaemin added.
“The whole team was here earlier,” Chenle continued. “Mia too… and, uh—Y/N was the last one to leave—”
“Wait, what?” Mark pushed himself up too fast, his head spinning in protest. “Y/N?”
“Yeah, we’re just as shocked as you are,” Chenle said. “She ran to the pitch the second you fell. I swear, I thought she was gonna pass out from how hard she was crying.”
“She looked like she was having a panic attack,” Jaemin added. “Professor Snape had to give her a Calming Draught.”
“I think she genuinely thought you were going to die,” Chenle said.
Mark’s stomach twisted painfully. His mind still felt sluggish from the fall, but that one piece of information cut through it like a blade.
You were crying over him? Panicking? That didn’t make any sense.
“This doesn’t…” Mark swallowed. “This doesn’t make any sense. Why would she—why would she care?” His voice was barely above a whisper, his chest ached in a way that had nothing to do with his injuries.
“Beats me,” Chenle shrugged. “She hasn’t talked to you in over a year. I was sure she hated your guts. But apparently, you’re harder to get over than we thought.”
Mark barely registered the teasing tone. His brain was running a mile a minute.
You were worried about him. You didn’t hate him? Or maybe… maybe it was just shock. Maybe seeing him fall had been scary in the moment, and once you knew he was okay, you'd go back to ignoring him. This didn't mean anything.
…Right?
After Chenle and Jaemin left, Mark knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep. Madam Pomfrey had left him a Sleeping Draught, which sat untouched on his bedside table.
He couldn’t stop thinking about what Jaemin said. How you ran onto the pitch, crying over him. It didn’t make sense. You hadn’t spared him a second glance since the Yule Ball. If anything, he would’ve preferred if you were still angry, if you had lashed out at him, screamed, hexed him—anything.
But instead, you had simply erased him from your world. The few times you had looked at him had been either by accident or when he deliberately put himself in your way, and your eyes had always been so empty.
The door to the hospital wing suddenly creaked open. Mark assumed it was just the wind, or maybe Madam Pomfrey checking in on him, so he quickly shut his eyes and feigned sleep when he heard soft footsteps approaching.
For a moment, there was nothing. He almost convinced himself he had imagined it until he felt the weight shift at the edge of his bed.
Then, the sound of quiet, muffled sobs.
“Mark…”
His breath caught in his throat.
It was you.
Before he could even process it, your hand was suddenly on his face, fingers grazing his cheek in the softest touch. A shiver threatened to run down his spine, but he forced himself to stay still.
“I’m sorry…” Your voice was fragile. “I wished so many bad things on you last year… I feel like…like this is my fault.” A shaky inhale. “Please be okay.”
Mark wanted to sit up. Wanted to tell you it wasn’t your fault, that none of this was. That he had deserved everything you threw at him but not this guilt.
But if he moved, would you run? Would you slip away before he even had the chance to say anything?
He was too much of a coward to find out. So he stayed still, letting your fingers caress him, letting your words sink into his skin like a warmth he hadn’t felt in so long.
Mark was certain you had stayed the whole night. Even in the haze of half-sleep, he had felt your presence beside him. He only realized you had left when the first rays of sunlight began filtering through the hospital wing’s windows.
Madam Pomfrey cleared him to leave that morning, assuring him he wasn’t in any real danger anymore. She did, however, insist he avoid Quidditch for at least a week. Not that he particularly cared. There were no matches coming up, but even if there were, he doubted he’d be able to focus on anything other than you.
He didn’t know what to do with the new knowledge that you did care about him. That you had cried over him. That you had touched him so gently, so reverently, as if he were something precious. It should have been a relief, but it made him anxious instead. After all this time, after everything that he’d done to you, how was he supposed to approach you?
The thought of you looking at him with those same empty eyes, telling him to get lost, made his stomach twist.
No—he had to be smart about this. He had to find a moment when you were alone.
That would have been easy before, when you had no friends and spent most of your time buried in books or wandering the castle halls by yourself. But now? Now, you were constantly surrounded by Karina, by Minjeong, and worst of all, by Haechan.
Mark had been watching the two of you closely, trying to figure out if there was something going on. He knew Haechan was still pursuing you, that much was obvious, but you weren’t dating as far as he could tell. At least, he hadn’t heard anything about it.
Still, the thought gnawed at him.
After a lot of consideration, he decided the best way to talk to you was during your prefect rounds at night. The problem was figuring out when you were scheduled. If he had tried this a year ago, you probably would’ve handed over the information without question. Now? Not a chance.
So, he had to get creative.
It took some effort to figure out your schedule, but after bribing a few Slytherins with an unlimited supply of Fizzing Whizzbees from Honeydukes for the rest of the year, he learned that your shift usually started around 8 pm.
So by 7:59 pm, he was slipping out of the Fat Lady’s portrait, glancing around to make sure Filch wasn’t lurking in the shadows. His heart was pounding, but he wasn’t sure if it was from nerves or anticipation.
He was finally going to talk to you.
He figured you’d start your shift near the Slytherin common room, so he made his way toward the dungeons. Sure enough, there you were, walking slowly, completely absorbed in a book.
Mark couldn’t help but smile to himself.
"So much for staying vigilant during patrols," he finally said.
You flinched, nearly dropping your book. When you turned around, your wide eyes locked onto his, shimmering under the dim candlelight. For a second, all he could think about was how lovely you looked.
"Mark..." you breathed, almost like you couldn’t believe he was real.
"Hi," he said, scratching the back of his neck. He looked away for a moment, gathering the courage to step closer.
"Are you okay?" you asked, and the genuine concern in your tone made his heart stumble over itself.
"Yeah, it wasn’t that big of a deal," he chuckled nervously.
"Not a big deal?" Your brows furrowed, and your tone sharpened slightly. "You fell from the sky, Mark."
He wasn’t used to you looking at him after all this time, much less with worry.
"I’m sorry," he said, watching the way your hands clenched into fists at your sides. "I heard you were pretty shaken up after it."
"Yeah…" you admitted softly, your voice barely above a whisper. "I was..."
Mark's heart jumped. He knew it already, he knew you had stayed by his bedside, knew you had cried over him—but hearing you say it made something in his chest tighten painfully.
Your eyes scanned him again, like you were checking to make sure he wouldn’t collapse at any second.
"I’m okay, I promise," he reassured you.
You nodded, then let out a sigh, glancing around as if suddenly remembering where you were.
"What are you doing outside your common room this late?"
Mark hesitated. Should he make up some excuse, or should he just tell the truth?
"If you were planning to sneak out with Mia, I’ll have you know that I must deduct points from your house and report it to Professor McGonagall," you said, your tone suddenly more detached. Just like that, the warmth in your expression flickered out, and your eyes went cold again.
Mark felt like he had just been shoved back into reality.
"No, no," he stammered quickly. "Mia and I are not… we’re not together."
You pursed your lips, nodding slowly. "Okay. Then why—"
"I wanted to talk to you," he blurted out. "To apologize. For everything. I never got the chance to back then."
"It’s been a year, Mark," you said flatly.
"Yeah, I know," he murmured. "But you still deserve an apology. And I know I don’t deserve to be forgiven, but… I needed to say it anyway."
His voice faded toward the end, barely audible.
"Okay…" You tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear. "You're forgiven. I don’t hold it against you anymore... I actually haven’t for a while."
"Really?" Mark blinked. "You don’t even care why I did it?"
"Not really. It doesn’t matter anymore."
"I want to explain, though," he insisted.
You simply nodded, waiting.
Mark took a deep breath. "I was an idiot back then… well, I guess I’m still an idiot but I was an angry idiot. And I don’t know what came over me… I took it out on you. But I swear, it wasn’t because I hated you. I never hated you." He exhaled sharply, as if forcing the words out before he lost the nerve. "I know you don’t have to believe me, but… I just—I need you to know that."
He spoke so fast, stumbling over his words. Afraid that if he paused, he wouldn’t get to say everything he wanted. By the time he finally stopped talking, your expression had softened just a little.
"I see…" You seemed to search for the right words before settling on a quiet, "I’m glad you told me." A small, tentative smile tugged at your lips.
But it didn’t ease the tightness in Mark’s chest. It didn’t make him feel any better. Because there was more, so much more he wanted to say, but he didn’t know how. And he was terrified.
"Do you wanna hang out?" he blurted before he could stop himself.
"Now…?" You glanced around, hesitating. "I’m kind of—"
"No! Sorry, I meant… later. Tomorrow, maybe? Or—I don’t know… whenever you can."
You stayed quiet for a moment, considering it. "Uhm… okay. Tomorrow. After class?"
Mark nodded too eagerly. "Yes! That sounds perfect." His voice came out overly excited, but he couldn’t help it.
"Okay. See you tomorrow, then." You gave him a small wave before turning away. "Now go before any of the other prefects see you."
Mark barely registered your warning, his mind was already racing ahead to tomorrow.
You were dreading your night shift as a prefect tonight. You hadn’t slept much after staying by Mark’s side all night. You heard he was discharged this morning, but not seeing him with your own eyes made you feel as if he was still hurt.
You had no idea how to deal with the knot in your stomach, so you brought a book with you hoping it would distract you. But even as you read the words on the pages, they blurred into one long line, your mind constantly flickering back to him.
You’d spent so long putting up walls inside your mind, careful to shield yourself from things that hurt too much. It had worked, mostly. You hadn’t felt anything deeply in a long time. But after the accident, those walls felt thinner, more fragile than ever.
And the minute Mark spoke behind you, you felt them crack.
Your whole body went stil and he was just standing there, smiling shyly at you. It took everything in you not to collapse in relief.
You whispered his name and tried so hard not to let your emotions show. But everything felt too much, the relief, the fear, the overwhelming rush of memories and feelings you had buried for so long. You had to hold it all in. You couldn’t let him know how glad you were to see him.
You were trying to remain composed, to keep your usual guard up, but with him standing there, looking so... so Mark,
"Hi..." he said quietly.
You forced yourself to speak. "Are you okay?" It was the question you had been waiting to ask, but it came out more desperate than you’d intended.
"Yeah, it wasn’t that big of a deal," Mark chuckled, the sound awkward and nervous. But even the way he said it made your heart sink with unease.
You couldn’t hide the irritation that sparked inside you, the remnants of the fear still clinging to your chest. "Not a big deal? You fell from the sky, Mark." The words left you harsher than you intended. You were so angry at the idea of losing him, so scared because it had been too close.
"I’m sorry, I heard you were pretty shaken after it." His voice was quieter now, and you could feel the way he was trying to reach you, even though the distance between you both felt insurmountable.
You nodded slowly, the walls inside your mind trying to reassemble themselves, trying to keep you composed. “Yeah... I was...."
The truth slipped out, and as soon as it did, you regretted it. You didn’t want him to know just how terrified you’d been that something might happen to him and you wouldn’t be able to truly tell him how you felt. The walls inside your mind cracked again.
"I’m okay, I promise," Mark said softly, his gaze holding yours, as if trying to assure you.
You wanted to close your eyes and pretend like everything was okay, but the walls kept wavering. You couldn’t trust that feeling, not yet.
You nodded, but the unease inside you didn’t go away. Not when you saw the way his eyes kept searching yours. You felt like you were standing on the edge of something you couldn’t control.
The walls that had kept your emotions in check for so long were trembling now, and it was getting harder to keep them from falling. You needed to focus on something else, anything else.
"What are you doing outside of your common room so late?" You forced the authority back into your voice. But you knew it didn’t fool anyone—not Mark, not even yourself.
He stumbled over his words, clearly nervous. "I wanted to speak to you. Apologize for everything. I never got the chance to back then."
The words hit you like a sudden gust of wind, knocking the breath from your lungs. It wasn’t just an apology. It was him standing in front of you, looking so... raw. You weren’t sure if you were ready for everything he was willing to lay bare. But you couldn’t stop him. You couldn’t stop yourself from listening.
You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. "It’s been a year, Mark."
"I know. But you deserve an apology, and I know I don’t deserve to be forgiven, but still... I wanted to say it."
Your heart squeezed at the sincerity in his voice, but something inside you fought to keep the walls intact. The last time you’d allowed yourself to feel so exposed, it had ended in too much pain.
"Okay..." You put a strand of hair behind your ear. "You’re forgiven... I don’t hold you to it anymore. I actually haven’t for a while."
His expression shifted in relief, but it didn’t bring the peace you thought it might. "You don’t care why I did it?"
You shook your head, forcing the walls to stay up. "Not really. It doesn’t matter anymore."
"I want to explain, though," Mark said, looking at you with an intensity you hadn’t seen in him before.
And you nodded, thinking that maybe it was okay to let the walls waver for now.
So you heard him out when he nervously asked to hang out, and you ignored the logical part of you that told you you might get hurt again.
The next day, Mark woke up earlier than usual. He told himself he wasn’t making a big deal out of hanging out with you today, but he still spent longer than necessary in the shower. He even put on cologne, something he never did.
He only had two classes with you this year, and after the Yule Ball accident, he made a habit of sitting as far away as possible, just so you wouldn’t catch him sneaking glances every few minutes.
But today, he was going to sit next to you.
At least, that was the plan—until he walked into Divination and saw that Lee Haechan had already taken the seat beside you.
Mark blinked. He didn’t even know Haechan was in this class. Then again, he was pretty sure he had skipped most of the semester. And yet, he suddenly decided to show up today? Right when Mark was finally trying to make things right with you?
Mark scowled as he trudged to the table behind yours. Mia slid into the seat next to him, but he barely noticed her presence until she snapped her fingers in front of his face, breaking his intense staring contest with the back of Haechan’s head.
"Did you do something different to your hair?" Mia asked, eyeing him.
Mark instinctively ran a hand through it. He had used a bit of gel this morning, but now that she pointed it out, he felt self-conscious.
"No," he muttered, dropping his hand and forcing himself to focus on Professor Trelawney, who was currently droning on about the art of tea leaf reading.
"...And remember," she was saying dramatically, her bracelets jingling with every exaggerated movement, "the leaves do not lie! They reveal the truth hidden beneath the surface, the past, the present, and sometimes, if you are truly gifted, the future."
Mark barely listened, too distracted by the way Haechan kept whispering in your ear.
"Now! Pick a partner and interpret their tea leaves. It can be anyone's cup!"
Mark didn’t hesitate. He shot up from his seat, stepping around Mia and snatching your cup before Haechan could even reach for it.
You flinched slightly at the sudden movement, but when you looked up and saw it was him, you relaxed.
"Hello," Mark said, smiling.
You smiled back. "Hi."
From beside you, Haechan’s jaw tightened. "I see you’re alive."
Mark smirked. "You’re lucky I am or there’d be no witness to prove you didn’t push me off my broom."
“Guide yourselves with the book and pay close attention to the patterns so you can decipher what the tea leaves say,” Professor Trelawney cut in, her voice airy and theatrical as always.
“I guess I’ll look at your cup then.” You flicked your wand, summoning Mark’s cup toward you.
Haechan huffed beside you and settled for reading Mia’s cup instead.
Mark watched you tilt his teacup, your eyes scanning the damp leaves at the bottom with unnerving concentration. He’d never taken Divination seriously, Trelawney's constant doomsday prophecies were more of a running joke than anything, but the way you were studying his cup seriously made him realize you were exactly the opposite.
“Alright…” You murmured, brushing your fingers against the rim of the cup as you turned it slightly. “This shape here…it kind of looks like…” Your brows furrowed in thought before you glanced at the textbook. “A hound?”
“A hound?” Mark repeated, leaning in slightly.
“It symbolizes guilt.” You looked up at him then, and for a moment, the room felt too quiet. “Something that’s been eating at you for a while. Maybe something you want to say but haven’t faced properly yet.”
You were staring back into the cup as if searching for something more. Mark wanted to brush it off, make some joke about Professor Trelawney getting to your head, but the way you spoke made him hesitate.
“Well,” he started, clearing his throat, “that’s… ominous.”
“Maybe it just means he regrets not catching the Snitch before nearly cracking his skull open.” Haechan snorted, leaning back in his chair.
Mark’s jaw twitched but before he could open his mouth to say something, Professor Trelawney’s voice rang through the room.
“Now, now! I sense many of you are struggling to find clarity in the leaves, but do not fret! The Inner Eye is a gift not all possess.”
Mark turned your cup carefully in his hands, squinting at the clumps of tea leaves at the bottom like they might suddenly rearrange themselves into something comprehensible. They didn’t.
“Alright…” he said slowly, stalling for time. “So, um—this kind of looks like…” He tilted his head. “Maybe… a deer?”
You raised an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed. “A deer?”
“Or… a horse,” he amended quickly. “Yeah. Definitely a horse. Which, uh, probably means…” He paused, grasping for anything remotely logical. “You have an adventurous spirit. And, um, bravery. And, like… untamed passion?”
Mia snorted from beside him, barely holding back her laughter, while Haechan outright scoffed.
Before you could tease him, Professor Trelawney materialized beside your table, her many scarves billowing behind her. She peered over Mark’s shoulder, tutting disapprovingly.
“I knew you didn’t have the Sight, my dear boy,” she said, shaking her head mournfully. “But fear not, Divination is an art that can be nurtured… even in those with less potential” She patted his shoulder with a dramatic flourish before floating off to torment another group.
Mark sighed, his ears burning red. But then he glanced at you and you were smiling. At him.
And suddenly, he didn’t care about looking like an idiot.
The bell rang before he could bring up your plans for later, and you left with a small wave. He spent the next few hours trying not to overthink it, but thankfully your last class of the day, Care of Magical Creatures, was together. That meant another chance.
Professor Kettleburn led the class out to the paddock, where a row of iron-reinforced cages sat waiting. Today’s lesson was on Chimeras.
Even Mark knew that was a terrible idea.
“Of course, we won’t be working with full-grown Chimeras,” Kettleburn reassured, “for obvious reasons. However, the Ministry has provided us with young ones under very, very careful supervision.”
He demonstrated the proper way to throw raw meat to the creatures. The chimera’s serpent tail lashed at him when he got too close, and the class collectively took a step back.
“Alright! Now, you lot give it a try!” Kettleburn beamed, seemingly unfazed by the near-death experience.
Mark grabbed a chunk of bloody meat and approached the enclosure, trying to ignore the way the chimera’s goat head was glaring at him. The moment he threw the meat, it hit the ground about a foot too short, and the beast let out a dissatisfied growl.
“This,” he muttered under his breath, watching as the chimera’s lion head snapped at him, “is why Professor Kettleburn has lost almost all his limbs.”
“Need help?”
Mark flinched at the sudden voice, turning to find you standing there, watching him with an amused tilt to your lips.
He huffed out a laugh. “You know, I’ve noticed you ask that a lot. Do I really look that helpless?”
You giggled. “Uhm… a bit.” Then, you took the meat from him and tossed it over the fence in one smooth motion. The chimera caught it mid-air, seeming significantly less hostile toward you than it had been toward him.
Mark blinked. “Is there anything you’re not good at?”
“Yeah,” you admitted. “I’m a terrible flyer.”
Mark scoffed. “That’s the one thing I think I’m good at.”
“Oh, I’ve heard.” You said it casually, but both of you knew you’d been to almost every single one of his Quidditch matches since first year.
He hesitated, then rubbed the back of his neck, summoning whatever courage he had left. “So… did you still want to hang out today?”
“Yes,” you said without hesitation. “How about the library?”
Mark barely resisted the urge to groan. He tried to keep his face neutral, but you noticed the way he grimaced.
You smirked. “Or we can do the greenhouse?”
His expression instantly lightened. “Yes! That sounds good.”
And when you turned back toward the chimera, Mark found himself staring a little too long. He’d never really noticed how pretty your eyes were. Or maybe he had, and he’d just forced himself to ignore it. But now—now he couldn't stop seeing them. The way they glowed when you got something right in class, the way they sparkled when you looked at him for the first time on the train all those years ago.
He missed that. The way you used to adore him.
And he hated himself for wasting it—because he’d been too much of a coward. Too immature to handle something so good.
After your last class, you made your way back to the Slytherin dorms, stopping in front of your mirror to fix your uniform and contemplate whether a simple glamour charm might make your cheeks look a bit rosier. Not that you were dressing up for Mark, obviously.
You weren’t sure how to feel about his sudden shift in attitude. He’d never been this… nice before. And maybe you were quick to accept it because you’d spent the past few days terrified of losing him. But was that enough of a reason to let your guard down?
You sighed, closing your eyes and practicing Occlumency for a few minutes before heading out. You knew you’d need your walls strong if you didn’t want to embarrass yourself in front of him.
When you stepped into the common room, Karina and Minjeong were hunched over a Potions essay they definitely should’ve finished by now.
“And where are you going all dolled up?” Karina asked, looking up from her parchment.
“What? I look the same as I always do,” you said, feigning nonchalance.
Minjeong raised an eyebrow. “Are you meeting Haechan?”
It would’ve been easier to say yes. But they’d find out soon enough when Haechan inevitably strolled through the door looking for you.
“No, I’m going to go check on the Venomous Tentacula.” You were actually proud of how quickly you came up with the lie.
“Okay. Boooring.” Karina waved you off, already focused back on her essay.
You smiled quickly, muttered a goodbye, and slipped out of the common room before they could ask anything else.
When you arrived at the greenhouse, Mark was already there. He straightened up the moment he saw you, hands fidgeting slightly at his sides. But then you noticed he was holding something. A flower.
Not just any flower... a Moonbloom Orchid. A rare magical plant that was known to change colors based on the emotions of the person holding it, and right now, its soft lavender hue radiated warmth and quiet affection.
Your eyes widened. “Oh my god, Mark… it’s so pretty. How did you get it?”
Mark shrugged, trying to seem casual. “Oh, it wasn’t that hard to find.”
That was a complete lie.
He had sneaked out to Hogsmeade during his free period yesterday and asked around every store, pub, and dodgy corner for hours, trying to track one down. He had spent almost all his galleons on it.
But looking at your face, your excitement, he decided it was worth every single one.
“Thank you. I love it,” you said, your fingers brushing over the glowing petals as you smiled up at him.
And that smile—Merlin, that smile—hit Mark like a Bludger to the chest.
For the first time, maybe ever, he wanted to kiss you. Really kiss you. Not in some fleeting, passing thought but in a way that made his heart pound and his throat tighten. The desire was so sudden, so strong, it nearly knocked him off balance.
He cleared his throat, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Okay, so… want to show me around?” he asked, as if he hadn’t been having lessons in this greenhouse for years.
You giggled, and he could tell by the amused glint in your eyes that you saw right through him. “Sure,” you said, playing along. “I guess I can show you what I’ve been working on.”
You led him toward a section of the greenhouse that looked darker, the air thick with the scent of damp soil and something faintly spicy. Twisting vines curled around the edges of a wooden planter, their leaves twitching slightly as you approached.
“These are pretty hard to find,” you explained, crouching beside the pot. “I begged Professor Sprout to let me plant the seeds I found. Don’t ask where I found them, though.”
Mark raised a brow, intrigued, but he didn’t press.
“You really love this stuff, huh?” he asked instead.
You glanced up at him, then back at the plant, lightly running your fingers over its writhing leaves. The Venomous Tentacula shuddered, curling toward your touch as if it recognized you.
“I guess I do,” you admitted. “I don’t know… I feel comfortable around plants. I can feel their emotions, almost. Even if they can’t really express it… I guess I relate to that”
Mark watched you carefully, noting the way you hesitated like there was something more you wanted to say but couldn’t quite bring yourself to.
The way you spoke about plants… it was almost the way he felt about you.
Something real and quiet. Something he had never really put into words because he didn’t know how. Because even now, standing next to you, close enough that he could see the way the evening light reflected in your eyes, he felt like he shouldn’t want it.
Mark wasn’t sure how long he stood there just watching you, but it was long enough for you to notice.
You blinked up at him, tilting your head slightly. “What?”
He shook his head, forcing a laugh. “Nothing,” he said.
But it wasn’t nothing. It was the way the soft glow of the sunset made you look almost unreal. The way your lips parted slightly, like you were about to say something, only to change your mind. The way his own thoughts were a mess, tangled somewhere between I shouldn’t and I can’t stop thinking about you.
You turned back toward the plant, your fingers lightly tracing one of the curled leaves. “It’s kind of funny,” you murmured, half to yourself. “Plants grow towards the things they need. Sunlight, water… warmth.”
Mark swallowed. He wasn’t sure why, but something about the way you said it made his skin feel hot. “Yeah?”
You nodded. “They don’t second guess it. They don’t hold themselves back.”
He wasn’t sure if you meant anything by it, but it struck something deep in his chest anyway.
Because he had spent years holding himself back.
And now, with you standing this close, your voice soft, your eyes flickering to his he wondered if maybe he should stop doing that.
His hand moved slightly, barely thinking, like an instinct. Like those plants reaching for sunlight. And for the briefest moment, your fingers brushed against his.
It would be so easy to close the space between you.
So easy to reach forward, to tip your chin up slightly, to finally, finally—
The greenhouse door banged open.
Mark jolted back so fast he almost knocked over the planter.
Professor Sprout bustled in, looking completely oblivious to the moment she had just shattered. “Oh! What are you two doing here? Curfew is soon, I need to lock up for the night.”
You cleared your throat, stepping back as well, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “Sorry, Professor. We were just finishing up.”
Mark forced himself to breathe, still feeling the ghost of your fingers against his.
Still thinking about how close he had been… and how badly he already wanted to try again.
The rest of your fifth year went by in a blur. Even though you and Mark were on much better terms now, there was little time to think about it between the overwhelming pile of O.W.L prep and the ridiculous amount of homework assigned for every subject.
You managed to pass every exam, most of them with an Outstanding. Mark, on the other hand, had spent so much time this year distracted by you that he fell behind on his classes.
So as punishment, he forced himself to stay away—at least until he could guarantee he wouldn’t completely fail.
He still barely scraped by. Defense Against the Dark Arts was the only subject he earned an Outstanding in, but his Potions grade wasn’t high enough to qualify for the advanced level. Not that he wanted to take the class again, but it meant one less excuse to see you during the day.
When sixth year came around, he found himself sticking around you more, even if your friends didn’t particularly like him. So more often than not, he waited until you were alone.
Like now.
“Hello,” Mark said, spotting you sitting on the grass with a book open in your lap. The Whomping Willow loomed behind you, its massive branches swaying with an eerie creak. He eyed it warily.
“You’re awfully close to that thing.”
You barely glanced up. “It’s not so bad once it gets used to you.”
Mark scoffed, crossing his arms. “I don’t think that is capable of getting used to anything.”
You hummed, flipping a page. The late afternoon sun filtered through the leaves, making you look almost ethereal.
Mark swallowed.
He’d spent so much time not noticing these things, forcing himself to ignore the way your presence always made his stomach twist. But now, it was getting harder to push those thoughts away.
Without thinking, he sat beside you, close enough to feel the faint brush of your robes against his. “You know,” he said after a moment, voice quieter than before, “you are allowed to relax now. OWLs are over.”
You huffed a soft laugh, still looking at your book. “I don't think I know how.”
Mark tilted his head, watching you. “Maybe I could teach you.”
You finally turned to face him fully, the corner of your mouth twitching. “And you’re the expert on relaxing?”
Mark grinned, a little lopsided. “Nope. But I’m an expert at not studying. That’s basically the same thing.”
You rolled your eyes, but you were smiling now, and something in his chest tightened at the sight.
A light breeze rustled through the trees, sending a few leaves drifting between you. One of them settled in your hair.
Mark hesitated.
Then, before he could talk himself out of it, he reached up. “Hold still,” he murmured.
Your brows furrowed. “What—”
His fingers brushed against your hair, plucking the leaf free. But his hand lingered grazing your temple.
You went still. Mark swallowed, his pulse hammering. He thought about pulling away. But then you looked at him and your eyes flickered down to his lips just for a second.
Suddenly, the space between you wasn’t so wide anymore.
His hand was still in your hair, and your breath was so, so close, and he could see the way your lips parted slightly almost as an invitation.
But then a sharp creak from behind you made you jolt apart. The Whomping Willow shifted, its branches twitching ominously.
Mark exhaled, pressing a hand to his face. What the hell was that? When he glanced at you, you looked just as dazed. Maybe even disappointed.
That sent a strange thrill through him.
But then you cleared your throat, shaking your head as if brushing the moment away. “We should probably move,” you said, standing and dusting yourself off. “Before the tree decides to take a swing at us.”
Mark huffed a laugh, still a little breathless. “Thought you said it was harmless.”
But as you started walking away, Mark stayed there for just a second longer, staring after you.
He really needed to kiss you.
Badly.
Mark Lee was confusing you.
There had been two clear moments now where you’d almost kissed. Both times, he’d been the one to lean in first, and both times, something had interrupted before it could happen. Yet despite his boldness in those brief moments, you still couldn’t fully let yourself believe this attention was real.
Your heart wanted to, but your brain knew better.
Mark had spent years ignoring you, brushing you off like you didn’t exist, and then humiliated you too. Only to suddenly pull you into his orbit now. Yes, he’d apologized—sincerely, you’d give him that—but that didn’t mean you could just forget the way he hurt you before.
Meanwhile, Haechan seemed to be acting… strange lately.
He was always around, even more than usual. He’d even started asking you to help him with assignments, which was bizarre because Haechan had made a sport out of either sleeping through classes or deliberately distracting you in them. Yet now he’d started seeking you out in the library, sitting closer in the common room, and finding any excuse to keep you near.
You didn’t mind. If anything, it felt comfortable being around him. Haechan never made things complicated.
But you did notice the way Mark would glare daggers at him from across the Great Hall. Or the way his jaw clenched whenever he caught Haechan whispering something in your ear that made you laugh.
And then there was the incident.
It happened in Charms class. Professor Flitwick had started teaching everyone Expulso, a more advanced charm that forcefully propelled objects away from you. It was precise magic that required perfect wand movement and a focused mind.
And well... Mark had neither.
You’d been paired with Haechan for the practical exercise and he, of course, turned the whole thing into a joke, purposefully missing his targets just to make you laugh. Then he decided to experiment, turning his wand on the scarf Mark had left on his desk. With a flick of his wrist, Haechan sent it flying toward himself.
“It’s a bit cold in here, isn’t it?” he grinned, draping it around his neck.
“Dude, give it back,” Mark said, trying to sound casual but failing miserably.
Haechan shot him a smug look. “Relax. I don’t fancy these colors either.”
Mark gripped his wand so hard his knuckles turned white. He really tried to keep his composure, but watching you laugh with Haechan as he mocked the Gryffindor colors did something dangerous to his self-control. His mind blurred with pure instinct. Before he could stop himself, he flicked his wand and muttered, “Expulso.”
He’d only meant to send the scarf flying back to him.
Instead, Haechan was thrown clear across the room, crashing into a stack of desks and sending books and ink bottles scattering everywhere. Gasps echoed around the classroom. Mark’s stomach dropped.
“Mr. Lee!” Professor Flitwick exclaimed, horrified. “Detention! Immediately!”
And that’s how Mark ended up cleaning every single portrait frame in the castle as punishment.
Now he was on his fourth hour of wiping down dusty frames, trying to ignore Sir Cadogan’s taunting comments.
“Are you truly the best Seeker this school has to offer? Ha! Pathetic, if you ask me! No spine! No dignity!” the painted knight cackled, waving his sword wildly.
Mark gritted his teeth, his grip on the cloth tightening. “I swear, if you don’t shut up—”
“Oh? Going to hex me too, are you?” Sir Cadogan jeered. “Do it, coward! Strike me down if you dare!”
Mark seriously considered shaking the frame just to feel some satisfaction when he heard footsteps behind him.
“You haven’t learned your lesson about hexing people yet?”
Mark froze.
He turned around and there you were, still in your uniform, badge pinned neatly to your robes as a reminder that you were out on prefect patrol. His heart did a stupid little flip at the sight of you.
“Apparently not,” Mark said, trying to force a laugh.
“I think we need to do something about your self-control, Mr. Lee.”
The way you said his name, playful but with a trace of authority, sent a rush of excitement through his veins.
“I admit,” Mark started, rubbing the back of his neck, “I’ve been a bit hot-headed lately.”
You raised a brow. “Lately?”
Mark groaned. “Okay, fine. Always. But—” he hesitated, his mouth clamping shut before he said something stupid like I just get like that when I see you with him.
You were still watching him, expectant. “But?”
“…Nothing.” He turned back toward the frame, vigorously wiping it down as if it would erase his own embarrassment.
You stepped closer.
“Mark.”
He swallowed thickly, his hand pausing. “…Yeah?”
“Why did you do it?”
He tried to play dumb. “What do you mean?”
You huffed. “You’ve never lost control of your magic like that with him. Not even during Quidditch. You didn’t just hex Haechan… you blasted him.”
Mark’s jaw tightened. “Maybe he deserved it.”
“For what?”
Mark clenched his teeth. For touching you. For putting his arm around you like you belonged to him. For making you laugh like that. For being close to you in a way he wasn’t allowed to be.
“…For being an asshole,” Mark muttered pathetically.
You scoffed. “That’s rich, coming from you.”
Touché.
“Mark,” your voice softened. “Look at me.”
He did. And God, he shouldn’t have.
You were so close. Your scent, your warmth, it was dizzying. Mark could feel his pulse roaring in his ears, his breath shortening. His hand hung limply by his side, still clutching the rag tightly.
There was ink on your cheek.
Without thinking, he reached up, his thumb grazing softly against your skin. “You, uh…” His voice cracked. He swallowed hard. “You’ve got ink. Right here.”
You gasped.
And Mark realized he was completely, utterly doomed. His thumb caressed your cheek, and then his hand drifted lower, trailing down your jaw before he realized what he was doing.
His entire body was screaming kiss her.
You didn’t move away and for one unbearable moment, Mark swore you were leaning in too—
“Oi!” Sir Cadogan suddenly barked from his frame. “You there! I see you trying to woo a lady with improper decorum! Unhand her at once!”
You flinched back like you’d been scalded. Mark cursed under his breath, his entire body recoiling from yours.
“I—uh... should finish patrol,” you stammered, practically fleeing.
“Yeah. Right. Patrol.” His voice cracked.
And as you disappeared down the corridor, Mark let his head fall against the wall with a groan.
That was three times.
Three times he’d almost kissed you. Three times something—or someone—had interrupted. And three times he’d walked away regretting it.
He didn’t know how much longer he could hold himself back.
Halloween arrived in a blur of decorations and excitement. The castle was buzzing with energy, students gorging themselves on sweets from Honeydukes and filling the Great Hall with loud chatter and laughter.
Mark wasn’t particularly fond of sweets, but he still tagged along with Jaemin and Chenle to Hogsmeade that morning. It was a decent distraction.
When he finally returned to the dormitory that evening, exhausted and chilled from the walk, he found a small pile of sweets on his bed. Mark frowned. Weird. He didn’t remember leaving any there. But then his eyes landed on a heart-shaped box of chocolates.
His heart stopped.
A slow, stupid smile spread across his face as he reached for the box, his mind flashing back to years ago—to the day you’d given him a similar box of chocolates in second year. Back then, he’d been a coward. He’d tossed them out in front of you when his friends told him to, too embarrassed to admit that the sight of you blushing as you handed them to him had made his heart race. He could still remember the hurt on your face when he did it.
Mark wasn’t about to make that mistake again.
He opened the box without hesitation, popping one of the chocolates into his mouth. It melted on his tongue, rich and sweet, but almost immediately he felt… odd. Like his blood was moving too fast in his veins.
He blinked.
His pulse thundered in his ears, and an uncomfortable tightness built low in his stomach. His throat was dry. His skin felt hot. His head felt like it was being stuffed with cotton.
“What the hell…” Mark muttered, stumbling back slightly as a wave of dizziness hit him.
The room swayed around him, his thoughts clouding over like a dense fog. But the one thing that stayed sharp and clear in his mind was you. Your face. Your voice. The lingering warmth of your skin from when he’d touched your cheek before. His body burned with the desperate, uncontrollable urge to find you.
Mark didn’t remember walking out of the dorm. His body moved on autopilot, driven by a force he didn’t understand, only that he needed to see you.
You hated Halloween patrols.
They were miserable every year, especially when you knew the castle was still alive with music and celebration, and you were stuck walking through empty corridors. It didn’t help that Halloween was also prime time for students sneaking out of their common rooms to pull pranks or engage in other debauchery.
So when you rounded a corner and spotted two people heavily making out against the wall, you didn’t think much of it. You just sighed and braced yourself to break them apart.
“Alright, enough,” you said, walking toward them. “Back to your dorms or I’m docking points—”
You froze.
The boy pinning the girl against the wall, his hands gripping her waist like he couldn’t get enough of her... was Mark.
Your heart plummeted so fast it made you feel physically ill.
“Mark?” your voice cracked.
Slowly, like something out of a nightmare, Mark’s head turned toward you. His pupils were blown wide, his hair mussed from the fervent kiss. There was a wild, unhinged look in his eyes that you didn’t recognize like he wasn’t entirely there.
But the girl…
You felt like the air had been knocked out of you when you recognized her.
Minjeong.
Your best friend.
Your mind couldn’t catch up. No. This didn’t make sense. Mark had almost kissed you. Three times. You’d spent weeks pouring your heart out to Minjeong, admitting—-however humiliating—that you thought Mark was starting to like you back. And she… she knew.
She knew exactly how you felt about him.
Your gaze darted between them, desperately searching for some sort of explanation, some indication that this wasn’t what it looked like. But Mark was still staring at you in a daze, and Minjeong was… smiling.
You felt something splinter deep inside you.
“You—” your voice died in your throat.
Minjeong had the audacity to giggle. She pulled away from Mark’s mouth, though his hands were still clinging to her hips. “Oh…hey, Y/N,” she said breathlessly, a sheen of gloss smeared across her lips.
You looked at Mark, desperate for him to say something. But his gaze was fixed solely on Minjeong, his chest heaving, his lips still parted like he wanted more.
“Mark,” you choked out again.
His head snapped toward you. For a split second, his face twisted into something confused, like he didn’t understand why you were there. His eyes darted across your face, and you swore there was a flicker of recognition, a brief moment of panic in his expression.
Then Minjeong giggled again and Mark’s gaze instantly darkened as it fell back on her.
“Aw, don’t be mad, Y/N,” she pouted. “Please don’t tell Professor Snape, yeah?”
You felt like you were watching yourself from outside your body. “You two… can’t be here right now. You need… you need to go back to your common rooms.”
Your voice sounded like it belonged to someone else.
“Come on,” Minjeong teased, suddenly hooking her arm around yours. “Don’t be a buzzkill, Y/N. We’re just having some fun.”
You flinched. Don’t touch me.
Your Occlumency walls shot up instinctively, straining under the weight of your heartbreak but holding just enough to keep your expression neutral. You swallowed down the burning in your throat and repeated, “You need to go.”
Mark still wasn’t speaking. His pupils were so dilated it was unnatural, his chest still rising and falling rapidly like he couldn’t catch his breath. His swollen lips parted like he was about to say something.
But Minjeong turned, smiled sweetly at him, and said, “Mark, come on. Let’s not get Y/N in trouble.”
And Mark moved like a moth to a flame. Without hesitation, he grabbed her waist and yanked her into another bruising kiss. You recoiled like you’d been burned, forcing your eyes away before the image could be seared into your memory forever.
The sound of Minjeong’s delighted giggles made you want to scream.
Finally, she pulled back, wiping her mouth with a smug grin. “See you tomorrow, Y/N,” she sang, then turned to Mark and cooed, “Come on, lover boy. Let’s go.”
Mark didn’t even look at you. He let her drag him off down the corridor without so much as a glance in your direction.
The second they disappeared, your Occlumency walls shattered. You sucked in a shaky breath, clutching your chest like you could physically hold the pain in. A choked sob escaped your throat, but you quickly swallowed it back, forcing yourself not to cry here.
You’d be damned if you let them see you break.
What you didn't know is that Mark wouldn’t remember any of it.
Not the taste of Minjeong’s lips. Not the way his body burned with the inexplicable need to touch her. Not the sick, nauseating feeling in his gut when he caught your tearful gaze and felt like he was betraying something sacred.
All he would know was that when he woke up the next morning, his throat would be dry, his mind foggy…
…and the lingering taste of chocolate still heavy on his tongue.
A whole week passed since Halloween and Mark could not, for the life of him, figure out what he’d done to make you go back to acting like he didn’t exist.
You wouldn’t speak to him, wouldn’t spare him a glance, and on the rare occasion that your eyes did meet his, it was like he physically repulsed you. It was driving him insane.
Mark was starting to think he must’ve had one too many butterbeers during Halloween night and done something incredibly stupid. But he couldn’t know for sure because, again, you wouldn’t speak to him.
He also noticed you and Minjeong weren’t talking anymore. That part confused him almost as much as your behavior toward him. You were either with Karina or Haechan now, but most of the time, you were alone. And Mark hated it — hated seeing you without the warm spark you always carried when you were surrounded by friends.
But most of all, he hated that you were ignoring him. He needed you to talk to him. He needed you to tell him what he did wrong so he could fix it immediately.
Which is why he was now standing outside the Slytherin common room, anxiously hoping someone would be kind enough to let him in. Unsurprisingly, none of the Slytherins were willing to let a Gryffindor in, especially one who looked as nervous and fidgety as Mark did.
He was starting to lose hope when, finally, the perfect opportunity came in the form of Karina.
“Hey! Karina—” Mark called, jogging a few steps toward her. She slowed down as she spotted him, her face immediately tightening into an annoyed scowl.
“What do you want?” she said, her tone clipped and cold.
Mark blinked, taken aback. He knew Karina didn’t exactly love him, but she had never sounded this openly hostile toward him before.
“Uh… I was hoping I could talk to Y/N. I was wondering if you could either let me in or—”
“How dare you?” she snapped, suddenly pointing an accusing finger at him.
Mark froze. “I— sorry, what?”
“You’ve got some fucking nerve coming here with those stupid puppy dog eyes like you didn’t completely break her heart again. Haven’t you humiliated her enough? Or do you just get off on using her and throwing her away when you’re bored?” Karina’s voice trembled with anger.
“Wha... what are you talking about?” Mark asked, his voice rising in exasperation.
“Don’t play dumb, Lee. You know exactly what you did,” she spat.
“No, I don’t! I swear, I don’t know what you’re accusing me of right now! I already apologized for the Yule Ball… and the gifts… but what is this about me using her?” Mark’s heart was starting to race, his palms sweating as dread crawled up his spine.
Karina scoffed incredulously. “Seriously? You’re gonna keep playing the innocent act? After everything?”
“Karina, I’m serious. I don’t know what you mean! What did I do to her?”
“Oh my god.” She let out a bitter laugh, taking a step back like she couldn’t stand to be near him. “You really don’t remember?”
Mark’s throat tightened. “…Remember what?”
Karina stared at him for a long moment, her face twisted with disgust. “Halloween, you idiot.”
Mark blinked. “Halloween?”
“Yes, Halloween. When you were shoving your tongue down Minjeong’s throat like a desperate little dog.”
Mark’s stomach dropped. “What?”
Karina laughed humorlessly. “Oh, don’t pretend you don’t know. Y/N saw you, Mark. She caught you all over Minjeong that night. After you almost kissed her three times. After she told us how she thought you finally liked her back. After she spent literal years pining after you!”
“No…” Mark felt like he couldn’t breathe. “No, no, no. That… that’s not right. I wouldn’t do that. I don’t like Minjeong, I like—” his voice caught in his throat. “I like Y/N.”
Karina let out another bitter laugh. “Yeah? Well, you sure have a fucked up way of showing it.”
“No, I— I don’t remember that! I don’t remember kissing Minjeong! I swear to god, Karina, I would never do that to Y/N...” his voice cracked, panic making his words rush out in a desperate tumble. “I don’t remember! I don’t—”
“Save it, Mark.” Karina’s face hardened. “I’m not the one you should be begging for forgiveness to. But it doesn’t even matter, you've already ruined everything. She’s not gonna take you back, not after that. So do her a favor and stay the hell away from her.”
And with that, she turned on her heel and disappeared into the common room.
Mark trudged back to the Gryffindor common room looking deader than the ghosts that roamed the castle. His head was spinning, Karina’s words replaying in his mind like a haunting echo.
He couldn’t believe it. He kissed Minjeong. How the hell could he not remember something like that? Was he really that drunk that night? But it didn’t make any sense. He’d never gotten so drunk on butterbeer that he completely blacked out before.
It was eating him alive. The image of you looking at him with absolute disgust now made so much painful sense. And if you saw it happen, no wonder you hated him.
By the time he stepped into the boys’ dormitory, Mark looked like someone who’d just been handed a lifetime sentence in Azkaban.
Jaemin, who was drying his hair with a towel, was the first to spot him. “And what the hell happened to you?” he laughed, eyeing Mark’s pale, horrified expression. “You look like you just sat through one of Snape’s scoldings.”
Mark groaned and dropped face-first onto his bed. “Kill me.”
Jaemin raised a brow. “That bad, huh?”
“I screwed up this time, dude. Like… really screwed up.”
“What, did you jinx another student by accident?”
“No.” Mark’s voice was muffled against his pillow. “…I kissed Minjeong.”
“What?!” Jaemin and Chenle —who had just pulled open the curtains of his four-poster bed— exclaimed at the same time.
Mark turned his head just enough to look at them. “I don’t even remember it happening, but apparently, I kissed her during Halloween… and Y/N saw the whole thing. And now she hates me.”
“Dude,” Chenle gawked, disbelief clouding his face. “How the hell do you kiss someone and not remember it?”
“Yeah, that’s insane–” Jaemin started, but then his voice abruptly cut off, his eyes widening like something just clicked in his brain. “…Wait. Halloween?”
Mark lifted his head, brow furrowing. “Yeah?”
Jaemin suddenly shot to his feet and walked over to Mark. “Did you eat any chocolates?”
Mark blinked. “What…?”
“Did you get any chocolates that night?”
“Uh… yeah? Why?”
Jaemin’s face paled. “Oh my god. Dude. Those were doused with Amortentia.”
Mark felt his entire body go cold. “…What?”
“Holy shit,” Jaemin ran a hand through his hair, looking genuinely horrified. “You seriously didn’t know?”
Mark sat up so fast his head spun. “What do you mean I didn’t know?! What the hell are you talking about?”
“The chocolates, Mark! Every year during Halloween, girls sneak Amortentia into the chocolates hoping that the guy they like eats them and falls in love with them for a few hours. It’s a whole thing. Why do you think I told you to throw away the ones Y/N gave you years ago?”
Mark’s brain short-circuited. “Wait… what?”
“Dude!” Jaemin looked at him like he was dense. “I told you not to trust those chocolates around Halloween! Renjun’s dad works in Diagon Alley, and he says love potions are always sold out around this time of year because of Hogwarts students.”
“Especially you, dude,” Chenle added “You’re Gryffindor’s Seeker. You’re literally the main target. How did you not know this by now?”
Mark’s heart was pounding so hard he thought he might pass out. “I...I didn’t. I thought—I thought the chocolates were from Y/N…” his throat tightened. “But she’d never do that to me…”
Jaemin and Chenle exchanged a look before Jaemin cautiously asked, “…Did they have a card on them?”
Mark blinked, trying to remember. “…No?”
“Exactly!” Jaemin threw his hands up. “Y/N always put a card on her gifts to you, dumbass. She’s never not done that.”
“Oh my god,” Mark’s voice cracked, his hands clutching his hair. “I’m such an idiot! I thought they were from her so I just... I ate them. I didn’t even think—” his stomach twisted in horror. “I kissed Minjeong because of a love potion?”
“Looks like it,” Chenle said grimly.
Mark felt like he was going to throw up. “Oh my god. Y/N must think I’m the worst person alive. She probably thinks I led her on and then went and kissed her best friend—”
“Yeah, well, considering you practically ate her face off in front of her, I’d say that’s a fair assumption,” Chenle shrugged.
“I didn’t mean to! I don’t remember any of it happening!” Mark’s voice cracked as panic completely consumed him. “Oh my god, Y/N hates me. She thinks I—fuck! I have to go talk to her—”
“Woah, woah, no. Don’t do that,” Jaemin said quickly, grabbing his arm.
“What?! Why not?”
“Because if you go to her right now all panicked, she’s just gonna think you’re making excuses! You need proof that you were under a love potion or she’ll never believe you.”
Mark stared at him, wide-eyed. “How the hell am I supposed to do that?”
“Minjeong.”
Mark blinked. “…What?”
Jaemin gave him a look. “Minjeong. She’s obviously the one who gave you the chocolates. If you can get her to admit it, Y/N will have to believe you.”
Mark swallowed hard, his pulse hammering in his ears. “But what if she doesn’t admit it?”
Chenle scoffed. “Then we hex the truth out of her. Don’t worry, we got you.”
Mark could barely process anything. All he could think about was how you must’ve felt watching him kiss Minjeong. How heartbroken you must’ve been. How you probably cried yourself to sleep that night thinking he never cared about you.
You probably still thought that.
Mark’s hands clenched into fists. No. He wasn’t letting you believe that for another second.
An hour later he was pacing outside the Great Hall like a caged animal. Jaemin and Chenle stood nearby, whispering to each other. They were supposed to be helping him stay calm, but so far, their only strategy had been muttering plans that Mark couldn’t even focus on.
“I still think we should just give her Veritaserum and call it a day,” Chenle muttered.
“We’re not drugging anyone,” Jaemin shot back. “We’ll talk to her first.”
“You think she’s just gonna just admit she poisoned him with Amortentia?”
“She doesn’t have to,” Jaemin said with a smug grin. “We just need to pressure her enough that the truth slips out”
Before Mark could ask further, Minjeong appeared at the top of the staircase, chatting with a group of Slytherins.
“There she is,” Jaemin muttered, already moving forward. Mark and Chenle followed.
“Minjeong!” Jaemin called out.
She paused, turning around. When she saw them approaching, her smile faltered.
“Oh,” she said, plastering on a forced grin. “Hey... what’s up?”
“We need to talk,” Mark said, his voice tight.
Minjeong blinked. “Talk?” Her gaze flicked between the three of them. “About what?”
“About Halloween,” Jaemin said pointedly.
Mark watched Minjeong’s face carefully— the way her eyes widened just enough to betray her surprise before she forced her expression back to something neutral.
“Halloween?” she repeated with a weak laugh. “Why would we need to talk about that?”
Mark stepped forward. “Don’t act stupid,” he said quietly.
Minjeong’s smile faltered. “I... don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, really?” Chenle crossed his arms. “Then how come Mark doesn’t remember kissing you or anything about that night at all?”
Minjeong scoffed. “What are you insinuating?”
“You laced the chocolates with Amortentia,” Mark cut in, his voice like ice.
Minjeong’s eyes widened. “What?!” she sputtered, her voice rising a little too high. “That’s insane! Why would I do that?”
“You were waiting outside the Gryffindor common room that night,” Jaemin said coldly. “You knew exactly that Mark would think they were from Y/N and you were waiting to see if it worked.”
“That’s not true!” Minjeong snapped. “I didn’t—”
“Everybody else was at the celebration except you,” Chenle said. “You knew he would go to the common room after Hogsmeade, and you sneaked in the chocolates right before we arrived.”
“T-that’s ridiculous!” Minjeong stammered. “I was just leaving the Great Hall when I saw Mark walking around and he kissed me out of nowhere!”
“Bullshit,” Jaemin shot back. “You knew he was drugged and wouldn’t differentiate from the person he really wanted and anyone else.”
“Merlin, you guys are being crazy. Why would I even do that?”
“Because you like him,” Jaemin answered before Mark could. His voice was dripping with amusement, but his eyes were cold. “And you knew you didn’t stand a chance with Y/N around, so you figured a love potion would tip the odds in your favor, right?”
Minjeong scoffed. “As if I would ever--”
“Then swear on your magic,” Chenle challenged, his smile razor-sharp. “Swear on your magic that you didn’t put Amortentia in those chocolates.”
Silence.
Minjeong’s mouth opened then closed. Her eyes darted to Mark, panic slowly blooming in her face. “I—I don’t have to do anything—”
“Swear on your magic, Minjeong.” Mark demanded.
She didn’t.
“Yeah. That’s what I thought,” Jaemin muttered.
Minjeong’s face flooded with color. “You guys are insane! I didn’t do anything! Mark probably wanted to kiss me—”
“Oh, spare me” Chenle snapped, his laugh sharp and incredulous. “You think if he actually wanted to do it, he’d just block out the entire night like it never happened?”
Minjeong’s mouth opened and closed like a fish. “H-he was probably just—just embarrassed or something.”
“Embarrassed?” Mark’s voice finally cracked, and whatever grip he had on his composure snapped like a twig. “Embarrassed about what, Minjeong? You’re the one desperate enough to force yourself onto me when I was incapacitated ” His voice was raw, his chest rising and falling with the force of his anger. “I don’t even like you!”
The words hit Minjeong like a slap to the face. Her entire body visibly recoiled, her mouth parting slightly.
But Mark wasn’t done.
“I like Y/N. I’ve always liked Y/N. And you…” his voice cracked as the words ripped out of him, “you made me kiss you in front of her. Do you have any idea how fucking awful that must’ve been for her?”
Minjeong’s throat bobbed, her face pale. “I—I didn’t mean for her to see.”
“Yes, you did!” Mark shot back, his voice raw and trembling. “Don’t even try to pull that bullshit right now. You knew she was patrolling. You absolutely knew what you were doing. You wanted me to want you, even if it wasn’t real. Even if you had to—” his voice broke slightly, rage burning his throat, “—had to drug me to get it.”
Minjeong flinched, her eyes darting between them. “I didn’t think it would—”
“Exactly!” Mark let out a humorless, bitter laugh. “You didn’t think. You didn’t think about me, you didn’t think about Y/N… You didn’t think about anyone but yourself! All you cared about was getting me no matter what it cost, and you didn’t care how it would make her feel. You—” his voice cracked and he swallowed hard, “—you humiliated her. And she probably thinks I’m the world’s biggest asshole who just played her.”
“I-I swear, I didn’t think it would get this far”
Chenle scoffed. “You literally slipped him a love potion. What the hell did you think was gonna happen?”
Minjeong shot him a glare, but her voice cracked when she tried to defend herself. “I just— I thought maybe if he… if given the chance…. he’d realize he liked me, okay?”
“Are you serious?!” Mark practically exploded. His voice booming with the sheer force of his emotions. “You didn’t think about how messed up it is to force someone into something like that?”
Minjeong was shaking now. “I didn’t mean for it to get this bad…”
“But it did,” Mark’s voice broke, his throat tight. “And now I don’t know if she’ll ever forgive me.”
Silence slammed down on them like a sledgehammer. Minjeong’s face crumpled, but Mark didn’t care. His entire body was shaking with rage, with guilt, with absolute devastation.
And that’s when Mark heard a sharp, shaky intake of breath behind him.
Slowly, he turned around and his heart dropped.
You stood a few feet away, eyes wide. But it wasn’t heartbreak painted across your face. It was pure, unbridled rage.
“You—” your voice shook with fury as you looked at Minjeong. “You drugged him?”
Minjeong froze like a deer caught in headlights. “I—”
“You gave him Amortentia,” you seethed. “You drugged him and then… and then you let him kiss you and you didn’t even stop him?”
“It wasn’t… I didn’t—” Minjeong stammered, panicking now.
“What the fuck is your problem!” you cut her off. “Do you have any idea how messed up that is? You violated him!”
Mark’s breath caught in his throat at the way your voice cracked with fury.
“What?” Minjeong scoffed, suddenly back on the defensive. “It’s not like he didn’t enjoy it in the end—”
“Oh my god,” you recoiled like you were about to be sick. “Do you even hear yourself? Do you think it’s okay to force someone to kiss you under a love potion and then act like it was consensual?”
“I didn’t force him to eat them—”
“You set them up for him like a trap” you shrieked. “You drugged him! You took away his ability to choose! How can you even live with yourself?”
Minjeong looked around like she was hoping someone would swoop in and save her, but no one did. Even the Slytherins she’d been chatting with earlier were watching in stunned silence.
“You… who consoled me all the times I went to bed crying over him!” you spat, your voice raw with emotion.
“I… I’m sorry…”
“Oh, shut up,” you snapped. “You knew exactly what you were doing, an apology won’t do it now”
Minjeong opened her mouth to argue, but nothing came out.
“Let me make one thing very clear,” you said through gritted teeth. “You don’t look at him. You don’t speak to him. You don’t breathe in his direction. If I catch you so much as standing near him, I’ll make sure every professor in this castle knows exactly what you did.”
Minjeong didn’t need to be told twice, she practically bolted in the opposite direction, not sparing any of you a glance.
Silence hung in the air, thick and suffocating.
“Y/N…” Mark said weakly, his voice cracking. “I’m so—”
“Don’t,” you choked out, turning back to him. “Please don’t apologize. Just—” your voice broke again, and then suddenly, you were throwing yourself into his arms. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry she did that to you.”
Mark held you even tighter. “It’s not your fault. God, Y/N, I missed you so much.”
“Me too,” you whispered. And you meant it.
This was the first time you hugged and Mark realized you fit perfectly in his arms, like you were meant to be there all along. You smelled incredible too. It was that soft, earthy smell of fresh rain on soil and blooming jasmine, the kind of scent that lingered in greenhouses after a long day of tending to plants. It hit him all at once. Of course. That was exactly what the Amortentia had smelled like to him.
His stomach tightened at the realization. The first time he bit into those chocolates, the first person that had flashed through his mind was you.
God, he was such an idiot.
When you finally pulled away, Mark’s entire body screamed at him to pull you back in. To kiss you. To fix everything. His gaze fell to your lips, and he almost gave in but then he remembered Jaemin and Chenle were still very much standing there, watching the two of you with annoyingly amused smiles.
Mark cleared his throat, stepping back slightly. “Uh… thanks, guys. You know, for… everything.”
“Of course, man,” Jaemin grinned. “We couldn’t just let that snake get away with it.”
“I still can’t believe she’d go that far,” you murmured, concern furrowing your brow. “I didn’t even know she liked you like that… or that she was capable of something so—” you swallowed hard, struggling to find the word. “…horrible.” You glanced up at Mark, your eyes still heavy with disbelief.
Mark’s heart ached at the guilt in your voice.
“You couldn’t have known,” he reassured softly. “She fooled everyone with that sweet girl act.”
“Not everyone,” Jaemin muttered under his breath, arms crossed.
“Oh, shut up, just the other day you were talking about how she’s the hottest slyther—” Chenle started, only to get a sharp elbow in the ribs.
“Anyways!” Jaemin cut in quickly, forcing a grin. “We’ll, uh… leave you guys to it. And please, for the love of Merlin, talk. I’m sick of all this miscommunication.”
“Seriously,” Chenle added, smirking. “If I have to live another day of you two silently pining for each other I will offer myself to the werewolves.”
Mark felt his face heat as you laughed softly, and a moment later, Jaemin and Chenle disappeared down the corridor.
You both stood there, your gazes flicking everywhere except each other. The weight of everything that had just happened still hung heavily in the air.
Mark swallowed hard. “So… uh…”
“Come on,” you suddenly said, grabbing his hand before he could finish his sentence.
“Where are we—”
“Just trust me,” you murmured.
Mark let you pull him along, his fingers curling instinctively around yours. You led him up staircase after staircase until you reached the Astronomy Tower and when you finally stepped out onto the platform, Mark couldn't believe his eyes
“Whoa…”
The view was breathtaking. The sun was just beginning to dip below the horizon, casting hues of orange, pink, and deep indigo across the sky. From this high up, the Hogwarts grounds looked almost dreamlike. The Black Lake glistened like glass, and the Forbidden Forest stretched endlessly beyond it.
“I’ve never been up here during sunset,” Mark admitted, his voice slightly awed. “It’s… beautiful.”
You smiled softly, leaning against the railing. “I thought you’d like it.”
Mark turned to you. “Why?”
You hesitated, then shrugged. “…I’ve noticed you do that a lot.”
Mark blinked. “Do what?”
“Stare at the sky.” You smiled faintly, not looking at him. “Whenever you’re playing Quidditch. When it’s a slow game and you’re not chasing the Snitch, you just… look up. Like you’re mesmerized by it.”
Mark’s breath caught.
He didn’t know what hit him harder. The fact that you noticed something so small about him or the fact that you cared enough to remember.
“I didn’t think anyone ever noticed that…” he said quietly.
You glanced at him then, your gaze soft and sincere. “I don’t think anyone else caught it… but I did.”
And that was it.
The final push Mark needed.
“Y/N,” his voice cracked, raw and desperate. “I swear to Merlin…I never wanted to kiss her. The only person I’ve ever thought about kissing is you. It’s always been you.”
Your breath caught, and Mark took a shaky step closer. “I… I didn’t know it at first. I mean, I did, but I didn’t understand it. Not until I ate those chocolates. Because the first thing I smelled was—” he swallowed thickly, his gaze locking on yours. “It was you. Rain, jasmine, and… and that earthy smell you get when you come back from Herbology. That’s what Amortentia smelled like to me..”
Tears stung your eyes, your heart hammering against your ribs. “Mark…”
“And when I heard what Minjeong did, I thought I was gonna lose my mind. The idea of you thinking I didn’t care about you… that I’d choose her over you… I hated it. I hated myself for hurting you, even if it wasn’t my fault.” His voice broke slightly. “I never wanted anyone else but you.”
The tears finally slipped down your cheeks. “You mean that?”
“With everything in me,” Mark choked.
Mark could feel his pulse hammering beneath his skin, his hand twitching at his side. Every fiber of his being was screaming at him to kiss you.
“Can I—”
“Please,” you cut him off, already stepping toward him.
That was all it took.
Mark crashed his mouth onto yours, his hands instinctively finding your waist as you gripped the front of his sweater. The kiss was desperate, not rushed, but heavy with years of longing. He kissed you like he was afraid you’d slip away if he stopped, and you kissed him like you were trying to make up for all the time you’d lost.
And Merlin, you tasted like heaven.
By the time you finally pulled apart, both of you were breathless, foreheads resting against each other.
“…I’ve been wanting to do that for years, you know,” Mark admitted, laughing shakily.
You let out a soft laugh. ”Years?”
“Yeah,” he smiled sheepishly. “I think I fell for you the first time you hexed me on the train. I was just too immature to see it.”
Mark swallowed hard, his thumb brushing against your cheek. “Can I… can I kiss you again?”
“Mark, you can kiss me whenever you want.” you said, caressing his cheek.
He loved the sound of that.
This time when he kissed you, it was slower. Like he was memorizing the taste of you, the feel of you, the fact that you were finally his.
read part 2 here
⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪mark lee, ever the stickler, has set himself a list of rules to follow until he obtains his degree and he’s had no problem sticking to it. but alas, rules are meant to be broken and mark isn’t as disciplined as he prides himself in being. especially when you smile at him like that.
pairing: student!mark x fem!reader genre: college au, fluff, very light angst, kinda slice of life, strangers to lovers word count: 11k hehe warnings: swearing, not proofread, mark is a little insufferable, reader is referred to as she/her, small food mention, they kiss but its nothing spicy, reader cries but its nothing too angsty, i'm projecting my feelings for mark here, i wrote this in 5 days
mani's notes: thank you @1ntaks for beta reading and encouraging mark delulu hours. you'll be the witness at our wedding
Ah, yes. The university library where it reeks of dread and stale paper. You thought you were the only idiot who would step foot in this place on a Friday, but you’re quickly surprised by the lack of empty tables on all three floors. Shouldn’t these people be at home preparing for the absolute ragers someone must have planned for the night? Nerds.
You’re about to call it quits and kiss your research paper goodbye until you spot him. On the very top floor of this god forsaken library, sits a boy at one of the tables near the window. Black framed glasses are perched on his nose bridge and his equally black hair sticking up in all sorts of places. Notebooks, textbooks, and loose papers lay spread across the table as the boy goes to absolute town on writing whatever he’s working on on a piece of paper. You know that face. Of course you know that face – it’s fucking Mark Lee.
Well, you kinda know him through the giggles and whispers that bubble up from others as they spot him on campus. He’s a total hit with the babes, but you’ve never seen Mark react to any of it. The boy is always power walking to his next destination with his lips pursed and dumb, wired earphones in. Even when someone shouts his name, loud enough to pierce through whatever song he had blasted, he’ll just look up at the source and give a nod. Never one to stop and chit-chat. Pretty interesting guy, you think.
Knowing all this, you can tell just exactly how focused he is and start to feel bad for what you’re about to do, but he’s the only one with a table to himself, meaning he’s got extra space. “Hey,” you start off once you’re close enough. The boy's head snaps up quickly to the sound, eyes widening at the intruder (you). “I’m sorry to bother you, but you’re the only one with space at a table right now… Is it okay if I sit here with you?”
He looks around, scanning his surroundings to find that you weren’t lying. Groups of 3-4 students were huddled at each table, leaving him all alone at a place meant to seat five. “Oh, uh…” he mumbles, moving his things to create some space for you. “Sure, no problem.”
You smile at him in thanks, pulling out a chair and taking a seat diagonal to him. He’s quick to go back to whatever he was doing, looking back down at his notes and continuing to write. “I’m Y/N,” you introduce yourself, unzipping your bag to pull out your own notes. He tries his absolute best to hold back a groan, but he just lost his whole flow so he has no choice but to deadpan back at you.
“Mark” he states simply and you’re still beaming at him despite the sour look on his face.
The loud sound of your laptop turning on causes his eye to twitch, but you pay no mind. “Thanks for letting me sit here, Mark! I promise I won’t bother you too much.” Mark gives you nothing but a grimace in response, hoping you stick to your word. He was just on a roll before you arrived, nearly ripping his pen through his notebook paper with how intensely he was writing and now he feels like he has to take 20 deep breaths before getting back into it. And surely enough, he does.
Only a handful of minutes go by before he starts to catch your movements out of the corner of his eye. You really haven’t said a word to him, but you’re the type of student who’ll work for maybe 15 minutes, then take an even longer break. He wants to bang his head against the wall everytime you begin to fidget with your phone or click your pen over and over, or lean back in your chair and sigh, but he doesn’t. Even if Mark has a whole system for studying and you just ruined it, he’s not a bitch!
It’s not until your 3rd break in the hour do you speak up. “I’ll be right back,” you tell him. Moving to stand up, Mark's eyes follow your movements. “Don’t move!”
Tell that to yourself, he wants to reply. Instead, he opts for a nod of the head and an “okay.” Taking it as a sign, Mark gets back to work quickly. If he’s lucky, he’ll get through at least three modules before you come back and disturb the peace again. Now, that’s a little mean. You’re not even doing that much to bother him, but remember Mark Lee’s got his own system and rules to follow in order to keep himself on track. He’s so self-disciplined that it’s never failed him and he’d like to keep it that way, even if today kind of threw a wrench in his plans. Mark is normally always studying alone with no one even daring to approach him. His own friends are always welcomed, of course, but they never last long at Mark’s table with the way he stares them down whenever they start non-academic discussions. He doesn’t mind, though. Actually, he likes the fact that his friends respect him and his ways enough to know their limits.
He doesn’t hear you come back, until you slide a pack of crackers towards him. You say nothing as you move the snack across the table, giving him a sweet smile that he just can’t return. “There’s no eating in the library, Y/N.”
“So,” you shrug, plopping back into your seat. “No offense Mark, but you’re telling me you won’t break the rules for some ol’ processed fuel for the brain?” The crinkling sound of the package opening causes Mark’s eyes to blow wide once again. He turns his head fast to look around, making sure that no one bears witness to you munching on a contraband that could lead him to getting kicked out. Or worse – BANNED.
“There’s rules for a reason,” he chides at you, whispering so others don’t hear you breaking the law.
You roll your eyes at how frigid he’s being and turn back to your essay in front of you. The snack was just what you needed to go on. “Whatever, but I’m just saying” you wave a hand at the boy. “I spent a dollar fifty on you because I heard your stomach screaming from across the table.” Mark’s mouth opens to counter your remark, but is silenced by the rumbling feeling in his stomach. You heard it too, of course. Having heard it the whole time you’ve been sat here.
The way his body has betrayed him leaves Mark no choice but to silently open the snack under the table. Out of the corner of your eye, you catch him looking around frantically before shoving a cracker in his mouth.
Mark Lee’s guide to being better than everyone: rule #4 I know you’re a broke college student, but stay away from processed food as much as you can.
You run into Mark again a few times after that day in the library. Just in passing on campus and at the coffee shop nearby, but there was never enough time for you to have a chat with him. Whenever you lock eyes with the dark haired boy, you give him your best smile and a big wave hello. Mark returns every single greeting with his own tight lipped smile and a raise of a hand before quickly looking away and continuing his business. A few passerby’s give you two a look, because no way Mark Lee just acknowledged someone. The reality is that Mark thinks you’re causing a scene with the way you’re obnoxiously waving at him and he just wants you to stop. You were hoping to see him again with enough time to actually talk to the guy. The only interaction you have with him can’t be him scolding you for buying him a snack and eating it in the library.
That moment finally comes when you spot Mark sitting right in the middle of the quad. He’s sat criss crossed on the grass, posture straight as he stares ahead almost as if he’s meditating in the middle of campus? What an odd dude.
You make your way over to him anyway, deciding that he needs a buddy to meditate with. “Hi Mark,” you greet, sitting cross legged next to him. He barely moves to see who has infiltrated his space, knowing only one person who’d do such a thing. “How’s it going?”
“It’s going alright,” Mark lets out a long sigh, rubbing a hand over his face. Everything he had been trying to let go in the middle of this field starts to bubble up in a rant and it catches you off guard with the way this is the most you’ve ever heard Mark speak, but you listen intently anyway. “I swear, I swear! I packed my bag the night before like I always do, but when I got to my first class I couldn’t find my damn highlighters anywhere! Like who the freak forgets a whole 10 pack of mildliner highlighters?” You can’t help the grin that forms on your face as the boy continues to ramble on and on, some you can’t even make out because he’s drifting off to mumble to himself under his breath. “And it’s not like I could go back home to get them either, like I’m the idiot who decided to live off campus so I have like NO TIME to go and get them. I just had to sit in 3 back to back classes with no highlighters.”
Mark Lee’s guide to being better than everyone: rule #6 make sure everything you need for the next day is packed the night before.
Mark could have gone and gotten them during this break of his, but he felt so utterly defeated. And when Mark feels like this, he just doesn’t know what to do with himself other than sit someplace and stare – which is exactly what he was doing before you showed up. “I just can’t continue my day like this,” he sighs dramatically. “But I have 2 more classes before I can call it a day.”
He’s so weird and so dramatic for no reason. But you decide to put him out of his misery anyway, given recent events you just had (your last class). “Mildliner you say?” you hint, pulling out a yellow and a green highlighter from your pocket before handing it out to him. “It’s not a whole 10 pack, but it’s something to talk you off the ledge.”
You watch as Mark eyes fleet between the pens in your hands and your face with a confused, yet suspicious look on his face. “I can’t take these from you. Don’t you have classes, too?”
“Nope! I’m done for the day,” you shake your head, happily. “And they’re not mine, either. I found them on an empty desk in my last lecture so I just took them.” Mark continues to stare, deadpanning at you just like he did in the library a week before.
“First you eat in the library when you’re not supposed to,” he counts his fingers, scoffing. “Then you take someone’s highlighters? So you’re a criminal…”
It’s your turn to scoff, shoving the pens in the breast pocket of Mark’s jacket with a frown on your face. “I didn’t steal anything because nobody was there, Mark! Imagine how lonely they felt just being left there?!”
Mark can’t help the way the corners of his lip turn up at the sight of you pouting and spewing ridiculous nonsense about inanimate objects, but still points a finger at you. “I’ve had two whole conversations with you starting now and both times it’s you convincing me that rules don’t exist.”
“That’s not how you say ‘thank you’, Mark Lee,” swatting his finger out of your face, you cross your arms over your chest and cock an eyebrow.
“I’m not thanking a thief,” he tsks, then lets out a light breath. “But considering how you saved those two lonely pens, thank you.” The small smile on the boy's face is enough to have you gushing. Standing up from your spot on the grass, you brush off any remnants from your pants and stick out a hand for him to take.
“Come on, get up” you smile at him. He takes your hand in his and you help to lift him off the ground with a groan, to which Mark scowls at. “When’s your next class? I’ll walk you!”
Checking the time on his watch, he informs you that his next class is pretty soon and you give him a tug to start moving. “Why are you gonna walk me? You don’t have to.”
You ignore him and he seems to be ignoring himself too with the way he’s following at your side. He rolls his head back to loosen his neck and shoves his hands in his jacket pockets as he walks with you. “Because that’s what friends are for, Mark!” you sing. “I don’t just give away free pens or spend a dollar fifty on vending machine crackers for just anyone, you know.”
“One, they’re not yours” he corrects, giving you a side eye. “Two, I never asked you to feed me. And three, no offense, but we don’t even know each other.”
“Hmm, true!” you hum in agreement, turning to look at his side profile. He turns his head slightly to look at you too and he can’t help but feel a little scared with the way a fire burns behind your eyes. “But I would like to get to know you more! You seem like a cool guy with your head screwed on kinda straight and I like how you’re always so focused. I need more hardworking friends like you.”
Seeing his lecture building come into view, Mark lets out a little sigh of relief. This moment is about to get awkward and he’s thankful that he’s reached the end of your walk together. “Look, Y/N” he starts, and if he wasn’t such a Leo – so headstrong, the way you’re looking at him with hope filled eyes and chest swelled with pride almost had the words die in his throat. “I-I don’t know if you know this about me, but I’m really trying hard to work towards graduation.”
“Oh, I know” you cut him off. The interruption stops him for a little, giving you a look before continuing on.
“And while you seem like a nice girl, I don’t have time for a relationship right now.”
Tilting you head to the side a little, you wear a confused smile on your face. “I’m not looking to date you either, Mark. I just wanna be your friend.” He shuffles on his feet slightly in front of you, adjusting the straps of his backpack higher on his shoulders.
“I’m sorry, but the friends I have now are good enough for me” he gives you a smile, an awkward one that lets you know that he just wants this conversation to be over. “I barely have time to see them and when I do, they already keep me on my toes as it is.”
“Oh…” With the way Mark is fidgeting in front of you, looking around at literally anything but you, you decide to let the protests die down. “Okay, Mark. I’m sorry if I stepped over a line.” You give Mark your best smile, like you always do, and gesture for him to enter his lecture building. “But thank you for letting me walk you. I won’t bother you anymore.”
“Thank you, Y/N” he replies, looking down at his feet before walking into the building.
Settling in his unassigned, assigned seat at the front of the lecture hall, Mark plucks the two highlighters you had given him earlier out of his jacket pocket and places them gently on his desk. It definitely isn’t his 10 pack, but it’s the most at peace he’s felt all day. Mark is brought back to that day in the library. Those same words, “I won’t bother you” that you had promised to him, only for you to in fact, bother him. He has a feeling that it will happen again, but can’t dwell on it for long because he’s picturing him leaving you there by yourself as you wave goodbye to him. Not above and in the air like you had done before in passing, but a small, almost shy one with a meek expression on your face.
He decides not to think about it.
Mark hasn’t seen you in four days.
It really doesn’t bother him, like, it really doesn’t even if he’s been going about his days wondering if you’ll greet him as you always do from across the way. He just REALLY needs to return the highlighters to you as he’s been reunited with his full 10 pack ever since that day, swearing to never forget them again.
Okay, honestly, Mark thinks he was really mean to you after you walked him to class and he wants to say sorry. Also, thanks to Chenle who scolded the boy after he spilled his guts to his friend about his day with a sour look on his face.
“She bought you a snack, gave you highlighters for free, and walked you to class and you don’t even wanna be her friend?!” he had shrieked, standing to his full height with hands on his hips. “You are SO rude, I can’t even – who raised you?!”
Safe to say that Mark’s day did not get better after that, walking around with a permanent pout on his face as he thought about it. If he were to be so real right now, Mark would actually be the first one to spot you before you see him. After that first day in the library, for some reason, whenever he’d lift his gaze from the ground in front of him, they’d automatically zero in on your form. Those bright eyes weren’t hard to miss at all. Anyways, you had always been by yourself during those times. I mean, who would wanna be around someone who talks to the birds with a serious look on her face? Whether you were sitting somewhere in silence, staring off into space, or standing a full five minutes in front of the coffee shop menu in deep contemplation before pulling out your phone to ask Siri to flip a coin before you ordered, you were alone.
Mark was weird, but so were you. Not that he cared as a very self aware man. He knew he had odd tendencies, he knew he could be difficult to talk to or be around, but it was all the more special when someone took the time to actually try. Might as well be weird together, right? As desperate as he was to find you, he wasn’t going to try that hard. You’ll pop up eventually. But by the fourth day, Mark had started to grow agitated. Eyes flicking around the campus a lot more than usual and taking different routes to his classes in hopes of spotting you, only to fail. Until he decided to relax his nerves with some good ol’ study time because nothing like using your brain on max power!
Just like you had first found him before, there you were, sitting in the crowded library at a table by yourself. Your whole demeanor was opposite of Mark as you leaned back in your chair, legs outstretched under the table as you typed away on your laptop with huge headphones over your ears. Despite how fast your fingers flew across your keyboard, you looked so relaxed with your lips turned up in a small smile. He wonders what you’re thinking about.
“Oh well,” Haechan sighs, a sarcastic tone laced in his voice. Mark decided to drag Haechan with him to the library today to basically force and beg the boy to finish his seven late assignments. “We really tried our best, Markie. Let’s go get a sweet treat to reward our efforts!”
All Mark can do is roll his eyes at his best friend, knowing how hard he fought to not come here with him. Literally whined and complained the whole time while dragging his feet on the way to success. Mark really did try his best, giving Haechan a motivational speech about how he could do it and he was there to help him, but seeing you right there when he needed to, Haechan can go fail for all he cares. “Actually, I’m gonna stay,” he declares, turning to look at Haechan with a shrug. “I see someone I know so I’m gonna go sit with them.”
“You know people?” Haechan gasps, bringing a hand up to his mouth in surprise. Mark shoves him by the shoulder in response, groaning.
“Shut up!” he chides, using force to physically turn Haechan’s body towards the library exit. “I was gonna invite you to join us, but you can leave, like actually.” Haechan lets Mark manhandle him, complying with taking his happy ass out of the library as he laughs. As Mark watches Haechan wave goodbye to him, he exhales deeply, cheeks puffed to calm himself before turning back towards your direction. With each step he takes closer to you, he gives himself a little pep talk in his head and goes over everything he needs to do. First, ask to sit with you. Second, give you back your highlighters. Third, apologize for how mean he was to you four days ago. Fourth, calculus homework. Light work.
Seeing his form loom over you, you look up in surprise with your eyes wide. You quickly straighten your back and lift one side of your headphones off your ears. When you smile at Mark, even with confusion knitted between your brows, he feels a sense of ease wash over him. “Hi,” he breathes. “Is it okay if I sit with you?” Step one: CLEARED!
You say nothing, nodding at the boy with that smile on your face still. After gesturing at the seat in front of you for him to take, you avert your eyes back to your screen and adjust your headphones back into its place. Mark gladly pulls out his chair, taking his backpack off to unpack his things. Even with all the bustling movements in front of you, not once do you look up or attempt to make conversation as he settles in and Mark doesn’t know what to do next. You’re like, actually locked in, a big difference compared to when you two were first sat in this library. He guesses he could move step 4 to step 2 and complete some of his assignments before resuming with the plan. Wake his brain up a little bit, you know?
Ten minutes in and you still haven’t said a word. Still haven’t even taken a glance at him and Mark is officially bothered. He’s been working on the same problem this whole time, unable to move past the third step to solve it. He taps the end of his pencil against his notebook a few times, leg bouncing frantically, before ultimately letting the stick fall out of his hand with a sigh. Leaning back in his seat, Mark stretches his neck from side to side to relieve some tension before letting it completely fall slack, chin against his chest with his arms crossed. Back to the tapping, his pointed finger beats against his arm as he thinks about how to break the ice. When he lifts his gaze to discreetly look at you, you’re still not paying any attention to him in clear agony. His bag sits in the chair next to him, the front pockets zipper open and he sees the two highlighters you had given him. He could just slide them across the table to you in order to get your attention, but would that be enough to start a conversation? What if you just don’t accept them or throw them back in his face? Well, you let him sit here with you so he couldn’t have messed up that bad… Okay, but what if–
Marks inner monologue was cut short when he catches your movements out of the corner of his eye. You’ve finally taken your headphones off and stretched your arms above your head. Now’s his chance, get the plan back on track. “I wanna be friends!” he blurts out, stopping you mid stretch. His outburst was pretty loud for the quiet atmosphere of the library, catching the attention of a few students nearby. Mortified, Mark feels his whole face heat up and slouches lower in his seat. He scolds himself under his breath as he places both hands on his head, lowering the brim of the hat he was sporting over his eyes. You can’t help but giggle at the blushing boy in front of you, extending your foot to give his leg a tap from under the table. He uncovers his face slightly to look at you and you grin at the expression he wears.
“If this is about the other day, it’s really okay” you assure him, propping your elbow on the table to rest your chin in your hand. “I understand and I’m not mad at you.”
“You’re not?” he wonders, a little surprised. When you shake your head in reply, he sits up fully and leans in a little closer to you from across the table. Mark does not need anyone hearing any more of this conversation. “I-I just wanna say sorry, Y/N. I was pretty rude to you that day when you’ve been nothing but nice to me.”
“Is that why you’ve been sitting here in distress this whole time?” you laugh, quietly. “You really don’t need to feel bad, Mark but I accept your apology anyway.” Marks smile mirrors your own, admiring the way you’ve been so accepting of the situation when he was clearly in the wrong. “But still, we don’t have to be friends if you don’t want to.”
“I want to!” he interjects, nearly jumping up in his seat. “You really are a nice person and I wouldn’t mind getting to know you more, too. I shouldn’t have treated you like that when you basically saved my life that day.” Mark moves to grab the pens from his bag, laying them out on the table for you to take. “Which reminds me, I’ve been meaning to give these back to you.”
Reaching your hand out, you scoot the pens back in Marks direction. “You can keep them as backups or something,” you wave off. “You’d probably use them more than I would anyway. I take all my notes electronically.” Pulling out your fancy tablet from your bag, you wave it around for him to see and Mark’s just in disbelief.
“How can you retain any information that way?” he gapes, eyes popping out of their sockets. “Connecting your pen to paper helps you process your thoughts better, you know.”
“This is better for the environment!” you argue, rolling your eyes and Mark shakes his head in disapproval. He starts going on a whole tangent about the benefits of physical note taking and you just sit there and take it. But the conversation flows easily with you and Mark talking to each other back and forth. Neither of you get back to your studies for the remainder of the afternoon.
Mark Lee’s guide to being better than everyone: rule #7 study time is quiet time (friends allowed but they need to shut up).
Heavy footsteps trudge through the halls of the lecture building, but Mark has never felt so light. Even if his shirt is wrinkled, hair all over the place, and eyes about a second away from shutting, he walks to his 8 am class with a tiny smile on his face.
It’s been weeks since you and Mark had bloomed a friendship. Weeks filled with studying late in the library, fighting over who gets to pay for the sweet treat of the day, and gallivanting around campus as conversation fills the silence between you two. Mark had honestly thought that he’d take a while to warm up to you, but he finds it incredibly easy to open up and be himself in your presence. He likes that he can talk to you about anything and everything, and you listen to him with your full attention. Mark Lee prides himself in how strong his walls are built and how dedicated he is to his craft (being a student), but it’s like his whole resolve crumbles with the more you’re near. Ask him if he cares, because he doesn’t.
From the moment he had entered the education system at the young age of five, he never stopped. Mark immediately enrolled in college after graduating high school, barely having time to explore the woes of life. So now in his third year of his undergrad, it felt nice to finally feel alive – do everything boys his age are supposed to do. Like last night, Mark had stayed up until midnight on the phone with you, giggling over the drama you two had started watching together during your study breaks. Even after you both had hung up the call, you two had continued to send messages to one another. By the time Mark had fallen asleep, it really wasn’t that late to the normal person, but Mark Lee has a bedtime that he did not follow. Hence, his appearance today.
Mark Lee’s guide to being better than everyone: rule #2 get a full 8 hours of sleep every night – nothing more, nothing less.
His body feels like dead weight and he can’t stop yawning, but Mark’s heart is soaring. Not that he knows it. As smart as he is, he’s also a big idiot atoning these fluttering feelings to the excitement of having a new friend around. He doesn’t think much about the fact that his favorite part of the day isn’t putting in his earphones while sat in front of a pile of textbooks anymore, but going to meet you in between classes.
Fueled by caffeine from his second iced tea of the day (coffee makes him feel sick), Mark is basically skipping towards you sat on a bench under the tree. He can’t wait to gush to you about the new topic he’s learning about in his lit class, but the words die down in his throat when he sees the look on your face.
You’re sat stiff on the bench, hands balled into fists as you struggle to catch your breath. Instead of greeting him with that glowing smile of yours, he’s met with a solemn Y/N. It’s like a dark rain cloud was brewing a storm over your head and when Mark approaches with a soft call of your name, he sees the tears brimming your eyes, only to fall free when he asks what’s wrong. Your lip quivers as you struggle to find the words to answer your friend and Mark feels like his whole world is falling apart.
He moves quickly to sit next to you, arms moving to wrap around your shaking figure, but he doesn’t quite make it all the way. Everyone knows Mark is not a physically affectionate person and he’s never done anything more than shove your shoulder when you made a joke he didn’t like. This was new territory for him, to comfort a crying friend, which is why he’s sat frozen with his torso turned towards you, arms in the air, looming above your form and not making contact. Mark’s mouth gapes open and closed like a fish, thinking about what he can say to comfort you, but you take matters into your own hands and fully lean into the boy. Your face buries itself into his shirt as you wail like a baby and Mark has no choice but to finally engulf you in his arms when he feels your tears seep through the fabric.
“Remember that project I was working on all last week?” you muffle into his chest. Mark hums in response because of course he remembers. He remembers how hard you had slaved over your project, doing your best to ensure that it was perfect. But he also remembers how excited you were to have this as your assignment, how bright your eyes had shone when you told Mark how confident you were in the topic to execute it well. This class of yours wasn’t the easiest for you, so it was like a breath of fresh air for you to finally understand something being presented. “My professor kept me after class and tore me to fucking shreds. Told me everything I had written was wrong and the whole thing was crap a-and basically said I should drop the class because I’m clearly not understanding anything!”
All Mark does is wrap his arms tighter around you, resting his cheek atop your head. “I’m so sorry, Y/N,” he mumbles into your hair and you pull back abruptly, gripping his shirt in your hands.
“Am I really that stupid?” you hiccup, screwing your eyes shut. “That my professor tells me to drop out of his class?”
“Hey hey hey,” Mark scolds you, gripping your shoulders tight, basically shaking sense into you. “You’re not stupid, he’s stupid! You try so hard, Y/N and you shouldn’t discredit yourself like that.”
Sniffling, you give Mark a small, yet sad smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes and he’s grown furious now. “I don’t think I’m trying hard, I’m just trying my best.”
“Then that’s all that matters,” he affirms, raising a hand to pat your hair. “Being a student isn’t easy, but you’re doing it! Don’t let one lousy professor tell you otherwise – I say you stick it to him and not drop.”
“I don’t know…” you laugh, trailing off in thought. “There’s a lot I have to think about. If I stay, he’ll probably give me hell, but if I actually drop, I’d be saving my GPA but my pride would be hurt.”
Mark purses his lips, then snakes his hands down to yours and pulls you up from the bench with him. “Tell you what,” he starts, tugging you to walk with him. “You don’t have to think about it right now, but how about we clear our heads and go do something?”
You’re struggling to keep up with Mark’s quick steps, the strap of your bag slipping off your shoulder. “Do what? Don’t you have class?” you interrogate him, pulling at his arm. “And can you slow down a little?”
He complies, slowing his walk to a normal pace and turns to you with a grunt. “What’s with all the questions? Just trust me,” he rolls his eyes and moves to stand behind you. Mark nudges you forward in the direction he wants despite your protests. “And don’t worry about my classes, I’ll take a sick day or something. I can’t just leave you by yourself after seeing you cry like that!”
“I’m fine, Mark” shrieking, you reach behind you to make him let go of you. “It’s really okay! You don’t have to break your perfect attendance record for me.” He finally stops forcing you to come with him, stepping to the side to walk alongside you with a light hand on your back to keep you from running.
“I don’t have to, but I want to” he smiles down at you, which you return with an unimpressed look. “What are friends for, right?” You finally give up, letting Mark take you to wherever he had in mind to do whatever.
“Fiiine,” you relent and take a step closer to his side. “But you’re paying!” Mark smiles at you again, wrapping his arm fully around you for the second time that day in a side hug before dropping it to hang in between your bodies.
Mark Lee’s guide to being better than everyone: rule #5 DO NOT SKIP CLASS (unless you’re sick and I mean dying).
From bike riding to ice cream in the park, Mark kept you busy all afternoon. You have to applaud his efforts with the way he was constantly cracking lame jokes just to pull your face up and encouraging you (peer pressure) to let him buy you a second cup of ice cream. If you could give Mark Lee his flowers for making you feel better right now, you totally would, but instead you settled for treating him to the little Lego figurines he had been eyeing in the trinket store you visited.
“Uhhh,” the boy basically moans in delight. “Since we didn’t go to class, this is perfect to stimulate our brains!”
You chuckle at how ridiculous he is and how silly he looks. The two of you are sat on a picnic table in a random park, unboxing your figurines to build. Mark had picked a hippo and a penguin while you just chose to build a cat. The excitement is basically rolling off his body as he vibrates in his seat, tearing into the box and plastic bag containing the pieces. “You that excited?”
Mark makes a face at you from across the table, almost as if he’s offended. “Of course I am! For ages 8 and up, easy work dude” he basically brags, chest puffing up. “Thank you for getting these, Y/N. I didn’t mean to linger on them long enough for you to feel like you had to get them.”
“I wanted to,” you chirp, shaking your head. “It’s the least I could do for you after all you’ve done for me today.” He says nothing, glancing at you for a moment before continuing to build his penguin. A grin slips onto his face as he watches you struggle with the tiny pieces, eyebrows furrowed in frustration.
You both continue to build in silence, enjoying each others company as the sun starts its journey to dreamland. The sky is painted in hues of gold, pinks, and blues, the warmth starting to settle between you two. Mark notices the rays coming down on his skin at looks up at the beautiful sight, quickly pulling his phone out to snap a picture.
“I have to send this to my friend, Renjun” he hums, satisfied look on his face. “He’s gonna love this.”
You coo at Mark and he ignores you, finishing up his penguin. “You send your friend pictures of the sunset often?”
“Yeah,” he shrugs, busying his fingers with the pieces. “Renjun’s an artist so I like to send him stuff I think looks pretty. Maybe he’d draw it or something, but he never asked me to stop so I just keep doing it.”
Biting down on your lip, you have to contain your smile and squeals at how endearing this guy was. “I hope he’s drawn at least one of them” you voice. “I know if someone sent me pictures of every sunset, I’d cherish it.”
Mark laughs in response, but trails off as he starts to think. He’s finished his penguin now, rolling the figure between his fingers. It’s only the size of his palm, but he doesn’t think he’ll get to finish the hippo as this took him nearly an hour. It’ll be dark soon.
“Y/N,” he starts somewhat sheepish. “Why don’t you have any friends?”
His question freezes you in your seat and you eye him from under your lashes. “I have friends,” you utter. “I’m friends with my roommate.”
“I-I’m sorry,” he stutters. With the way the air has shifted, Mark feels as if he hit a nerve. “It’s just t-that everytime I see you on campus, you’re alone! I don’t really see you talking to anyone else…”
Also finished with your cat figure, you fold your hands into your lap and stare it down. “Is that a bad thing?”
He shakes his head furiously, reaching a hand across the table to tap on it and get your attention. “No, no! Not at all” he insists and takes your cat to stand next to his penguin. “I was just curious, I’m sorry if I made you upset.”
Looking back up at the boy across of you, the corners of your mouth turn up to give him a small grin. “It’s okay, Mark. There’s nothing wrong with asking questions” you explain. “It’s not like I don’t want friends, I just don’t really know how to make them? I’m not the type of person to strike up a conversation out of the blue… Even with group projects, it’s a little hard for me to open up.”
“You?” Mark scoffs. “Not the type of person to make conversation with strangers? Then how do you explain how we became friends.” To prove his point, Mark inches your Lego figures closer together.
“I guess you’re right,” you laugh, throwing your hands in the air. “I don’t really know what’s up with me then. But at least I have you now, right?”
“Yeah,” he breathes, chuckling to himself too. “Yeah, you got me now. So don’t you worry, Y/N. I’ll send you pictures of every sunset I capture.”
You bring your hands together, clasping them against your cheek as you look out into the horizon. Watching the bright sky paint itself in an array of different colors before it says goodbye for the day, you’ve never felt more content. And Mark does the same, eyes following the rays of gold bleed into pink, but he doesn’t think he can enjoy it as much as you do right now.
He just can’t believe that he’s here with you in a random park in the city. Instead of sitting in class, he’s sitting at a table building animals out of extremely tiny Lego pieces. Mark didn’t even send his professors a courtesy email that he wasn’t going to be present today, too focused on helping you feel better. He’ll never admit it out loud, but he was also busy trying to forget that gloomy look on your face. It was the first time Mark had ever seen you cry, and he hopes it will be the last.
A part of him also understands you. The overwhelming pressure of having to do well and not wanting to wave a white flag for the sake of your confidence in yourself. Mark knows it all too well. He also knows how hard it can be to make friends here. No one ever attempts to get to know Mark, only approaching to ask if he’d accompany them on a romantic date or help them pass their classes. It took him a while to learn how to say no, and thank God he did. He’s content in his little bubble with the good friends he has, but sometimes he wonders what life would be like if he just gave in. Who would Mark Lee be if he wasn’t so stubborn in his ways?
“Y/N,” he begins again. “Do you think I’m difficult?”
Turning your gaze away from the darkening sky, you give Mark a puzzled look. “What do you mean?”
“Like,” he sighs, crossing his arms across his chest. He looks down at the table in front of him, chewing on his lip. “Do you think I’m hard to deal with? Am I too stubborn to talk to?”
His explanation doesn’t fix your confusion, continuing to look at him funny. “No, Mark. It’s very easy for me to be around you,” you correct him, moving a hand to gesture between both your bodies. “I’m sat here with you— our first time hanging out off campus, by the way, after you comforted me while I cried into your shirt earlier today.”
“This was the most fun I’ve had in a while!” you continue, gushing when Mark doesn’t respond. “I’m not sure what’s going on in that big head of yours, but I enjoy your company. Heck, I asked you to be my friend during our second meeting! You are anything but difficult.”
Mark looks up, taking in the sight of you sat across of him. The sky has turned into a pretty pink as the sun has started it’s descent closer to the horizon and it’s casted over you beautifully. There must be a magic in the air that has sparked a look in your eyes that is so comforting. He’s been wary of the elation he’s felt since the day he met you. He can’t quite put his finger on it, but in that moment, Mark has never been so sure in his life about going against everything he set himself up for.
“Come on,” Mark smiles and nods his head towards the path. “Let’s go home.”
Johnny hears shuffling from Marks room and decided to peak in. Cracking the bedroom door open, he’s met with the boy pacing back and forth, combing his hand through his hair frantically. He can hear Mark mumbling to himself, using his hands to express whatever he was feeling to himself. “Dude,” Johnny calls out and Mark snaps his head towards the sound so fast, he thinks he’s got whiplash. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Fuck if I know!” he roars, placing both hands on his head. “If anyone can tell me what’s wrong with me, PLEASE DO.”
The older boy sighs, stepping through the threshold as he prepares himself for what’s about to come. He’s used to Mark being on edge, but this is the guy who apologizes whenever he swears. “Come here, buddy” Sat on Marks’ bed, Johnny pats the seat beside him and Mark obliges. His head is hung low and lips set into a deep pout. “Tell Johnny what’s wrong.”
Mark lets out a sigh of his own, whining as he falls back onto his bed and stares at the ceiling. He had just woken up from his 3pm nap he takes every other day that lasts precisely an hour and a half. Two hours if he feels like treating himself, but today, Mark had woken up in a cold sweat just a little after 8pm.
Mark Lee’s guide to being better than everyone: rule #3 if you need a nap, only nap on MWF when you end classes early (only nap for 2 hours MAX).
As soon as he sat up, eyes blown wide, he let out a hushed “oh fuck.” He’s usually so tired that he never dreams. Ever. But this time, all he could see in his slumber was you. You, who he had seen just a few days ago after ditching classes. Forget everything he felt and thought that day because it was starting to feel a little too real.
It came to him in flashes, like he was in some sort of stupid movie. From walking down the street together, to banging on rigged claw machines, to simply sitting across of you at the picnic table in the park, Mark dreamt of every moment you had spent with him. Except, whenever he laid eyes on you, the whole world had slowed down to a serene still and tints of light illuminated around your entire being. And when you smiled like you always did, little bells started chiming.
Oh, the bells. That dream was straight out of those romance movies Haechan likes to watch regularly. What kind of sick world is this?
“I’m so screwed, man” he voices, rubbing a hand over his face. “I-I think I like Y/N. Whatever that means…”
“It doesn’t mean anything,” Johnny muses. “If you like her, then you like her. Y/N’s that girl you’ve been hanging around with a lot?”
Mark sits up fully, head still hanging low. He can’t believe he’s having this conversation right now, even if he lowkey knew it was coming. “Yeah, that’s her” he mumbles. “I swear she hexed me or something! I skipped class the other day to hangout with her, been eating way too many vending machine snacks, and haven’t been getting my full 8 hours of sleep, bro! That’s so not like me.”
“First of all, you’re an idiot. Girls aren’t witches, they’re just celestial beings” Johnny scoffs, rolling his eyes at his young friend. “Second of all, did she force you to do all those things?”
“What? No,” Mark protests. “I wanted to do all those things, with her.”
“Okayyy,” Johnny rolls. “Are your grades slipping from ditching or not sleeping?”
Mark blinks at the boy sitting next to him. “No, I’m a week ahead in all my classes.”
“Then what’s the problem here, man?” Johnny belts, standing to his full height. “Cause I’m not seeing it!”
Still sat on his bed, Mark stomps his feet a little as he whines. “Johnny” he complains. “The problem is I’ve broken every single rule I made for myself. For just one person! Like I said, this isn’t like me and I’m not sure how to handle it.”
“Look Mark,” Johnny chastises, moving to sit next to him again on the bed. “I love you, dude. I really do and I admire how hard you’re working towards your education, but I wish you would just let yourself breathe a little.” Mark sits in silence, taking in every word. “I’m so glad that you’ve been following these rules you set for yourself and it’s been working, but why are you stopping yourself from experiencing something everyone dreams of? Why are you so scared?”
Great question that he doesn’t really know the answer to. He’s not scared of you, exactly. Marks more scared of the feelings you give him. You’re not trying to change his ways or who he is, in fact, you’ve been trying your damn hardest to fit yourself into Marks usual routine. You don’t make fun of him for his little quirks and comments and he likes how comfortable you make him feel. He likes how you just go with the flow of things, making it a breeze to just enjoy himself in that moment with you. Mark likes how he no longer feels the weight of the world when he’s around you.
Mark likes you. But he’s never felt this way before about anyone. Not even Jessica Alba in Fantastic Four while all his friends were drooling over their TV screens.
With pursed lips, Mark looks up to his friend with pleading eyes. “What do I have to do?”
“That’s not the question you should be asking,” Johnny smiles at him, shaking his head lightly. “You’re the most hardworking guy I know, no matter what you’re doing. Are you willing to put in that same effort with Y/N?”
Later that night, Mark lays awake and stares at his ceiling in the dark. He’s got one arm folded under his head and the other laid across his chest, deep in thought about the conversation he had with Johnny. He took way too long of a nap, so now he can’t fall asleep. Not to mention how his phone had been pinging with messages from you, but they remained unanswered as he contemplated.
What was he to do with you?
He could just pretend that he never had this groundbreaking realization. He could continue to remain the way he is with you, just friends. Mark doesn’t even know how you’d react to his feelings, but he can’t say he’s afraid to find out. Even if you were to turn him down, tell him he’s got no chance at romance, he doesn’t think he’d mind. Like yeah, he’d be pretty devastated, but who wouldn’t be? After talking with Johnny some more earlier today, he realizes how sure he is with the way his heart feels. He’s dumbfounded that this is happening to him, but he’s not embarrassed at all. Who knew that you, who had wanted to be his friend after only meeting for the second time, would be the one to change his entire view? Mark didn’t even want to be your friend at first, but here he is, possibly wanting something more.
You probably would think the switch was so sudden and Mark wouldn’t be able to tell you anything else. He doesn’t think you’re the type to completely cut him out if you don’t feel the same way, but there’s always that small chance in anything. He doesn’t know what to do with you, but he also has no clue what he would do without you. Groaning into the night air, Mark turns over to his side. He’s face to face with the bright numbers on his alarm clock that read 1:27 AM. Deciding to leave this problem to tomorrows Mark, he screws his eyes shut and tries to force himself to sleep. But he just lays there, staring at the dark behind his eyes still completely awake and tries to think of something that will put him to bed. And oh of course, all Mark can see is you.
He lets you consume him, taking every glimpse of you in and god damn Y/N, you are doing nothing to help! Marks leg starts to shake under the covers, twitching himself awake til he starts tossing and turning. Eventually, Mark gives up. He can’t get comfortable at all. Ripping his comforter off his body, Mark moves quickly to stand up and shoulder on a flannel that draped over his desk chair. Hasty fingers grab for his glasses and his phone before he books it out the door to God knows where.
No, Mark knows where he’s going in the dead of night. After walking you home the other day, he realized just how close you two were, living just a 10 minute walk away. But with the way Mark is moving, he finds himself standing outside of your apartment building in just 7 minutes. He’d move to enter, but he doesn’t actually know which unit you live in. So like the completely sane person he is, Mark starts shouting into the night, disturbing the peace.
“Y/N!” he howls, hands cupped over his mouth. There’s a few lights he can see on through the windows, but none of them show movement. “Y/N, it’s Mark!”
There’s only one window that’s open, and Mark sees the curtains tear open. There you stand, looking down at him from the fourth floor with disbelief all over your face. “Mark!” you whisper shout. This boy must have lost his damn mind to disturb you and your neighbors at this time, after ignoring your messages all night. “Are you insane?”
“Just come down, please” he brings his hands together, in a begging and pleading gesture. “I have to talk to you.”
Sighing, you move away from your window and start to make your way down to the front of your building. You’re praying to whoever’s listening that you don’t get any complaints in the morning from Mark screaming in the courtyard. Like seriously, he could have just called you quietly on his phone. You can see it hanging out of his pocket, but you assume he really is out of his mind when you take in his form.
He’s pacing again, fidgeting as you approach him closer and only snaps out of it when he sees you in the glow of the dim street lamps. “Hi,” he exhales and you just continue to eye him suspiciously.
“Hi,” you pout, crossing your arms over your chest. “What’s going on, Mark? It’s nearly 2 AM, you could have just called me.”
Mark smiles sheepishly at you, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry,” he mumbles, kicking the ground underneath him. “I wasn’t really thinking…”
“Clearly,” you muse, grinning at him. This is the most casual you have ever seen Mark, who never leaves the house unless he’s in a pair of jeans or nice pants. You can tell how much of a hurry he was in, dressed in old basketball shorts and slippers on his feet. The flannel he was wearing over his white tee was also inside out, but you don’t point it out to him. “But you’re thinking about something to come all the way here. What did you wanna tell me?”
“Uhhh,” he stutters, eyes darting around the dark, avoiding your gaze. “I didn’t wake you, right? I’m really sorry for not calling first.”
You shake your head no, waving him off. You were already awake, but it’s the weekend tomorrow so you have nothing to be up early for. The only important thing you were doing was doom scrolling on your feed. Mark would have known you were still awake if he had just checked his damn phone. Even if he wasn’t interrupting anything important, you still wish that Mark would spit it out. He just nods at your explanation, still not meeting your eyes and says nothing.
“Hey,” you call out, poking his middle with your finger. He caved into it, swatting your hand away because Mark Lee is ticklish. “Take your time, find the words. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”
Mark finally looks into your eyes, softening at the way they’re pouring into his. Your lips are curled into the prettiest smile and Mark thinks you have really nice teeth. It’s all enough to squeeze at his heart, causing his blood to pump furiously in his chest. He feels it tighten and tighten, until it finally explodes.
“I’m all bent outta shape, dude” he rants, staring right at you. “And it’s all because of you!”
You frown at his confession, wondering if he really came all the way over here just to call you out. “What did I do to you, dude?“
His shoulders slump and he rubs at his eyes. Sleep is finally getting to him now that he’s here, but Mark has always been way too good and getting what he wants to give up. “Everything,” he basically whines like a child. “And I can’t stop thinking about it.”
Mark looks to the sky, eyes screwed shut as he lets out a long exhale. You’re still confused as to what he’s trying to get at, but seeing him so perplexed himself has you concerned.
“Mark,” you coax, touching his arm lightly to bring him back down to Earth. “If I did something to upset you, I’m really sorry. But could you please tell me exactly what happened so I can fix it?”
Eyeing when your hand meets his skin, he smirks lightly at the tingling waves that shot up his arm. He taps the hand that connects him in a reassuring manner before completely engulfing it in his own. “I’m just being dramatic, it’s not that bad” he offers, stroking a thumb over your knuckles. Goosebumps peak through your skin at the gesture. “You did nothing wrong. It’s just…”
He trails off, looking down at your intertwined hands. “I have these rules for myself, called ‘Mark Lee’s guide to being better than everyone’ and I’m not trying to one up everyone I meet with this. It’s all just to help me succeed and be my best self as a student” he’s nervous as he wears his heart on his sleeve for you when he hears you laugh, but it quickly dissipates when you give his hand a squeeze in reassurance. Come on, it was a funny name! “And I’ve been really good at following them! It’s definitely helped me to stay on track, but from that first day we met in the library, I’ve just been breaking all of them.”
“Oh,” you gasp, quickly letting go of him to shy into yourself. “I’m sorry, Mark. Really, I never meant for you to go off track.”
“No, it’s okay!” he assures you, grabbing his hand back into his. In the middle of 70 degree weather, Mark felt cold for the split second you let go. “It’s not your fault and I don’t mind it at all. My point is, it’s just not like me at all to do this and I didn’t realize why until now.”
“I’m so used to being strict in my ways because it’s been working well for me, but here you come along, making it so unbelievably easy to forget it all,” you’re still not sure what he’s hinting at, but you continue to let him talk. “Forget it and realize that it’s not so bad as long as I’m with you, Y/N. I like that I can still be myself without all these rules or barriers, I can still sit in the library all night with you sleeping across of me.”
Mark can’t help the smile on his face at how wide your eyes have blown, almost as if you couldn’t believe what he was alluding to. He also can’t believe it, but the more he speaks, the more it feels right. Even if he feels like he’s saying a whole lotta nothing. But it’s something alright and you feel your heart start to beat a little quicker. You hope Mark can’t tell how your hands have started to clam up and tremble in his hold.
“I like the feeling you give me, that everything’s gonna be okay and I have nothing to worry about” he beams at you, steadying your shakiness with a tight grip. “I like you, Y/N.”
You say nothing, taking it all in. Mark starts to shuffle on his feet, loosening his hold on your hand but not fully letting go so you can’t book it inside. He should speak up and add that you don’t have to respond to him right now, because it really is sudden. It just felt like a good time to tell you, even though 2 AM is never a good time for anyone. But you cut him off before you get the chance, grinning like a Cheshire Cat at the nervous boy in front of you.
“You didn’t even wanna be my friend at first,” you point out, tapping your chin in thought with your free hand. “Now here you are, holding my hand and confessing to me in the dead of night?” You’re teasing him and he knows it.
“Ugh, I know” he exclaims, looking like a kicked puppy. “I’m just a stupid, dumb, idiot boy and I really felt bad for how I treated you that day.” You giggle quietly, stopping him from dropping to his knees in front of you to beg for forgiveness. “I know this all came so fast and I know I have a lot to learn. A lot of things to grow into, but I feel like I can do that as long as I’m planted next to you.”
The taunting coo you let out does nothing to cover the blush rushing to your cheeks. You move your arms to wrap fully around his neck, standing on your tip toes to hide your flushed face in his shoulder. Mark reciprocates, encircling you in his hold completely as he pulls you closer to him. “You’re so cute” you squeal, nuzzling your face closer and inhaling his scent. “You’re so sweet, Mark. I will gladly plant myself next to you.”
You pull away slightly, still face to face with the boy who is also blushing. He’s fighting back a smile, the apples of his cheeks making a prominent appearance. “Does this mean you’re my girlfriend now?” he’s so clueless with the way he asks you the question, causing you to laugh again. If anyone were overlooking the two of you right now, all smiles and blushing messes, they’d think you’re insane.
“Do you want me to be?” you press further and Mark nods his head vigorously. His hold tightens around you for the nth time that night.
“Can I be honest real quick?” he utters, staring deep into your eyes. He’s been honest this whole time, you don’t know why he needs to ask. “I’m kinda scared…”
You pat his shoulder reassuringly, standing further on your toes to press a chaste kiss to his cheek. “We can go as slow as you’d like, Mark. I’ll be here all the way.” Mark feels a wave of warmth wash over him, suddenly feeling bold and straightens his back.
“I think you missed,” he states. You’re back to wondering what the hell he was talking about until you feel his lips on yours.
The kiss is soft, short, but sweet. It’s enough to unleash a cage of butterflies in the pit of your stomach. It’s enough for Mark to know exactly how you feel, even if you never said it.
Pulling away, you two share a shy smile as you lean your forehead against his. You play with the hair on the nape of his neck as you lean back in for another. So much for going slow, Mark thinks as he’s basically clawing at your sides to pull you unbelievably closer to him. He breaks away first this time, leaning into your neck as if he can’t get enough of you.
“Go home, Mark” you laugh at the tickling feeling against your skin. “I’ll see you after we’ve both had some rest, okay?”
He only sighs loudly and dramatically before pulling back, reluctant to release his hold on you. His feet step away from you slowly, towards the direction of his own apartment building. Mark doesn’t want to go. Mark wants to spend all his time with you, even in the middle of the night, but he listens to your request anyway. You’ve gotten him wrapped around your finger, after all. He knows you’ll have all the time in the world, starting now and he can’t wait for the days to come.
Mark Lee’s guide to being better than everyone: rule #1 no dating of any kind to prevent distraction (90 and above or no love).
Spoiler: Mark keeps his 3.9 GPA until graduation and graduating with honors is literally nothing compared to the love you shower him in.
mani's notes: i hope you enjoyed reading this! yk true cloudykyu fashion is no real plot lines and whiplash time skips lol it's my first long fic since coming back so i would appreciate any feedback :D please let me know your thoughts in the tags or my ask box!! <3 happy valentines day unless you're mark lee
Perfume
Home | NCT 127 masterlist |
Requested : no
Prompts ; 75 “I thought I didn’t miss you, but then I saw your photo.” + 82. “i lost myself the day i lost you.”
Pairing : ex! Mark x fem! reader
Pronouns : you/yours
Type : little angst, fluff
Word count : 5.5k
Warnings : confused feelings, exes to lovers, idol! au, fluff, slightly ooc
Have a great day !!
——————————
You sat on your bed, eyes sadly roaming over the photobook perched on your nightstand. Your name was called out in the hallway again, your band's leader ushering me to hurry. "Coming!" you responded, turning the album upside down and hiding it on the bookshelf before you left your room, heading out to meet your band members in your dorm hallway, and putting your shoes on. As you entered the bustling hallway, your bandmates greeted you with familiar grins, oblivious to the memories hiding in your room. The chatter and laughter filled the air as you gathered together, momentarily distracting you from the ache in your heart. The weight of nostalgia clung to you like a well-worn cloak. You stayed quiet, putting your coat on before following your bandmates outside, too tired and drained to be bothered to try and engage in whatever conversation they were having.
Sensing your mood, your bandmates exchanged concerned glances as they walked by your side. However, respect for your privacy kept them from questioning your silence. The cold winter air bit at your cheeks, matching the chilled emptiness you felt inside. "'m fine." you brushed off, noticing the look Minji gave you as you got into the car next to her. Minji, her astute observant eyes narrowing with concern, studied you intently. The silent understanding between the two of you filled the space. Though she sensed your inner turmoil, respect for your boundaries prevented her from delving further. As you sat beside her, a shared, knowing glance passed between you, signifying her wordless reassurance that she was there for you without intruding.
The journey continued in the dimly lit car, the hushed whispers of your bandmates' conversation faded into background noise. Minji's gentle touch on your arm provided a small comfort, a silent gesture of her unwavering support. The passing cityscape mirrored the emotions swirling within you, the world continuing its indifferent rhythm while you wrestled with your unspoken pain.
----
It was worse when you'd reached the company's building, the familiar scent almost feeling suffocating in the hallway, indicating you'd just missed him by seconds, maybe a minute. You hadn't even realised you'd been lost in thought until Minji was tapping your shoulder, the other girls already in the dance studio. Minji's touch on your shoulder snapped you out of your reverie, bringing you back to the present. You realized you had been lost in the haze of nostalgic thoughts, the scent lingering in the hallway reminding you of his presence. The realization stung, a harsh reminder that he was just out of reach, leaving you with a hollow ache in the pit of your stomach. "Sorry, I uh.." you murmured, clearing your throat as you avoided her stare.
Minji, perceptive as ever, understood the hint of discomfort in your voice. Concern filled her eyes as she watched you carefully avoiding her gaze. A momentary silence settled between you, the air thick with unspoken words and emotions. "It's okay," she said gently, her voice hushed and reassuring. "But…are you sure you're okay?" You hummed at her words. "Yeah, yeah, of course I'm fine." you brushed off, shaking your head. "Showcase is more important." you chuckled, gritting your teeth. Minji raised an eyebrow at your quick dismissal, unconvinced by your nonchalant response. The look in her eyes told you that she could see through the facade you were trying to maintain, but she respected your choice to downplay your feelings. In the end, she sighed softly, her concern for you apparent in the downturn of her lips. "I know you're focused on the showcase, but…just remember, you can talk to me anytime, alright?"
"I know." you murmured, heading into the practice room with your cheeks slightly warm, changing topic immediately and talking to one of the other girls. This was going to be a long day. Minji didn't push the subject further, even though the concern etched on her face remained. She knew when to give you space, and right now, you clearly needed it. The others in the room also noticed the slight flush on your cheeks but refrained from commenting, respecting your unspoken boundaries. Even so, their watchful eyes betrayed their concern, silently observing you as you conversed with one of your bandmates.
----
As soon as you heard 'break!' come from your instructor, you'd practically ran outside, choosing to take your fifteen-minute break out on the metal stairs, quietly watching the streets of Seoul. Your bandmates exchanged puzzled looks as you scurried out of the practice room, your quick retreat not going unnoticed. They glanced at each other, silently communicating their concern, but decided to give you some space for the time being. You found solace on the metallic stairs, the noise of the city providing a faint hum in the background. The cool air brushed against your skin as you stared into the hustle and bustle below, your thoughts racing a million miles an hour.
The footsteps echoed in the metal stairway as someone approached and settled beside you. You remained fixated on the distant cityscape, not needing to look to know who it was. In your peripheral vision, you noticed the familiar form, though your gaze remained fixed ahead. The silence between the two of you was filled with a myriad of unsaid words, each moment hanging suspended. "it must be bad if they've asked you to come talk to me." you spoke, a bitter chuckle leaving your mouth at the poor attempt of a joke. The figure beside you chuckled faintly, a weary sigh escaping their lips before they spoke. There was a tinge of understanding and a trace of sadness in their voice. "You know they're all worried sick about you. But they know you'll say you're fine, so they asked me to talk to you. You can't fool me though. What's going on in that head of yours?"
"I appreciate you coming to check up but I'm fine Taeyong-" you started, immediately being cut off. Taeyong cut you off mid-sentence, the firmness in his voice making it clear that he wasn't buying your façade. "Stop with the 'I'm fine' act. I know you better than that." It was clear it would be harder to persuade him that everything was fine - a lot harder. "it's nothing." you murmured, looking down at the group making noise, seeing Mark, Haechan and Johnny all coming back with bags of food, laughing about something as they walked along the street, to the entrance. Taeyong followed your gaze as it darted towards the street below, his eyes landing on the trio of giggling boys walking back with bags of food. He was silent for a moment, studying your expression before speaking softly."I know you too well. You might think you have everyone fooled, but I can see through it. It's not nothing, so just spill it."
The silence that hovered between you confirmed Taeyong's suspicions, and he let out a weary sigh as he took in your subdued demeanour. It was clear that your heartache was intricately connected to Mark, and the pain you were trying so desperately to mask was evident to someone who knew you as well as Taeyong did. He gently placed a comforting hand on your shoulder, his voice quieter now, a mixture of empathy and knowing. "You're not over him, are you?" You let out a sigh, rubbing your face as you debated answering. "No." Taeyong's grip on your shoulder gently squeezed in a gesture of understanding, his eyes reflecting the weight of the revelation. It was the truth laid bare between you, a painful reality that even time hadn't managed to erase. He paused for a moment before speaking, his voice gentle and understanding. "How long has it been since the two of you…split up?"
You shook your head, playing with your sleeve. "I thought I didn't miss him, then I saw his photo." you confessed, the favourite Polaroid you had of you and him on the front of the photobook he'd gotten you as a present, fresh in your memory. "We haven't spoken since. Guessing either he's avoiding me or I'm super unlucky and just keep missing him everywhere." Taeyong listened intently to your confession, the memory of the Polaroid photo you described vividly in his mind. It was clear how much that photo meant to you, and it made sense that it would spark the resurgence of your feelings. He mulled over your words about not speaking to him. A part of him wondered whether Mark truly was avoiding you or if it was merely a matter of coincidence that you hadn't crossed paths. Still, he kept his thoughts to himself for the moment. "You miss him, don't you? More than you want to admit."
"it doesn't matter if I do, I can't do anything about it." you grumbled, trying to brush it off and fighting the tears welling up. Taeyong frowned at your bitter tone, his heart aching for the pain he knew you were going through. Your efforts to mask your feelings were obvious, and he could see the tears threatening to fall from your eyes. He shifted closer to you, his voice gentle but firm as he spoke. "Hey, it does matter. You can't just brush your feelings aside and act like they don't exist. And who says you can't do anything about it?" You groaned, trying to battle your tears. "I can't! The whole reason we broke up was-" you snapped, biting your tongue as you silently cursed, realising you'd said too much already.
Taeyong's eyes widened slightly at your sudden outburst, taken aback by the ferocity in your voice. His curiosity was piqued by your words. Realizing you'd let slip more than you intended, you cut yourself off mid-sentence, leaving an unfinished thought hanging in the air. Taeyong's expression shifted to one of deeper concern, and he was silent for a moment before gently prompting you to finish." "… because of what?" you shook your head, tears slowly starting to roll as you hid your face. "I've said enough, I-" Taeyong's heart sank as he watched the tears roll down your cheeks, the weight of your pain evident. He gently put a comforting hand on your back, silently urging you to speak more. He spoke softly, his voice filled with empathy and understanding. "It's okay, you don't have to hold it in. You've barely said anything. Whatever it is, you can tell me."
"They made me." you whispered, giving in as he hugged you. Taeyong listened intently as your words hung in the air, a mixture of surprise and anger rising in his chest. He instinctively wrapped his arms around you as you gave in to his embrace, pulling you closer to offer comfort. "What…what do you mean they made you?" he asked, his voice quiet but firm, a hint of protectiveness in each word. After a while, Taeyong broke the silence, his voice filled with a mix of anger and disbelief. "Who made you… and why? Was it the company?" You hummed quietly, a little fearful. "management." you whispered, legs pressed to your chest as you sniffed. "they told me if they didn't then they'd delay albums even longer or something worse." Taeyong's jaw clenched as he listened to your quiet confession, the anger and disbelief in his eyes hardening his expression. The revelation of management's involvement in your relationship sent a wave of hot fury coursing through his veins.
The audacity of the company to meddle in your personal life like that, threatening you with such drastic measures, ignited a protective rage within Taeyong. He tightened his hold around you, his voice barely a whisper when he spoke. "And Mark… he just agreed to it?" you shook your head "he…he didn't know." you mumbled, defending him. "said it was a bad image for him and his fans wouldn't like it." Taeyong's heart skipped a beat at your words, the realization sinking in. His anger momentarily flared as he thought of the company's actions, but then he saw the way you defended Mark, even in your pain. A bitter mix of relief and frustration coursed through him. While Mark's innocence was a small comfort, the manipulation of the company angered him deeply. He took a deep breath before speaking, his voice a little softer now. "So he had no idea about any of it…?"
You hummed in confirmation. "said if I told him there would be consequences." you informed, pain in your chest at the memory, squeezing your fist tighter. Taeyong cursed under his breath, the sound of your pain echoing in his thoughts. Anger and frustration burned within him at the manipulative tactics used against you and Mark, but he focused on staying calm for your sake. He gently released his hold on you, pulling away slightly to look into your eyes, his expression hard and determined. "Why didn't you tell any of us about this? We could've helped." A silence swept over as you thought about your words. "I couldn't. No one could know." you murmured.
Taeyong grit his teeth, the anger in his eyes growing fiercer. The thought of you being pressured to suffer in silence, to shoulder the burden alone, fueled the anger coursing through him. He let out a deep, frustrated sigh and ran a hand through his hair, attempting to calm himself before speaking. His voice was strained but firm. "They had no right to tell you to keep all this a secret. This is…this is ridiculous. You shouldn't have had to go through this alone."
He paused for a moment, trying to keep his anger in check as he looked into your tear-streaked face, the pain evident in your eyes. He felt a strong mixture of helplessness and fury at the situation, and an intense need to support you, and protect you from any further harm. "We should… we should talk to the others. They need to know. They need to help you." He gently took your hands in his, gently yet firmly turning you to face him, his voice laced with concern and determination. "s'fine. I doubt he wants anything to do with me." you shrugged, trying to act like the idea of that didn't pain you. Taeyong's heart ached at the casual dismissal of your pain, the nonchalance in your voice only serving to deepen his worry. It was clear that the thought of Mark not wanting anything to do with you hurt far deeper than you were willing to show. He let out a deep sigh, his grip on your hands tightening slightly. His voice softened as he spoke. "You really think that? I don't believe that for a second. You know him better than that."
You didn't argue, a piece of you deep down knew he was truthful, that you were almost creating a false image of Mark in order to protect yourself from the pain and risk. He noticed the change in your demeanour as you stayed uncharacteristically quiet, and he knew he hit a nerve. Your reaction showed him how much you still loved and cared for Mark, even if you tried to hide it. "You still love him, don't you? It's written all over your face." He gently squeezed your hands, his voice gentle but firm as he continued on. "How could I not?" you confessed, voice small. The raw emotion in your voice struck a chord within Taeyong, the heartbreak and longing for Mark seeping into your words.
He squeezed your hands a little tighter, silently letting you know he understood the depth of your feelings. A tinge of sympathy flickered in his eyes as he spoke, his voice soft. "Then why not go and talk to him? You've been carrying this pain alone for so long…don't you think it's time to clear the air?" You shrugged, yet still found a reason not to. "Maybe at some point. I need to focus on the showcase for tomorrow." you excused, glancing at your phone as you saw your break was almost over, standing up in order to get ready to go back to dance rehearsals. Taeyong watched you stand up, a pang of concern and disappointment tugged at his heart. He saw the way you shifted the focus back to the showcase, using it as a shield to avoid dealing with your emotions.
He rose to stand with you, a mixture of understanding and worry etched on his features. His voice was measured as he softly commented on your deflection. "You're avoiding the issue, and you know it." You stood up, starting to head back in when you heard him softly call your name. Taeyong's voice halted you in your tracks, and you turned back to look at him. He stood quietly for a moment, his expression a mix of concern and understanding. He crossed the distance between you, a few steps bringing him just a few centimetres away from you. His eyes held a silent plea as he spoke, his voice softer than before "…He'll be at the showcase.." he started, holding up a hand, cutting you off mid-sentence when you tried to argue, his expression firm yet filled with care. He could see the way your body tensed at the mention of the showcase, and he knew your mind was racing with thoughts and conflicted emotions. "Just…listen for a second."
He took a deep breath, his gaze never leaving yours as he continued, his voice gentle but insistent. "You can't keep avoiding him forever. You need to face this… and the showcase is the perfect chance. It's just one night… one night where you two will have no choice but to be in the same room." He studied your face, watching the various emotions play across your features as you processed his words. The idea of being so close to Mark after all this time was clearly making you uneasy, but he knew it was a necessary step. He stepped even closer, his voice a little softer now. "You can't keep living like this, pretending like everything is fine when it's not. You deserve closure…and he deserves an explanation." you could see the hopeful look in his eye and sighed, nodding.
"Alright, I'll think about it."
----
You scanned the backstage area, looking for a glimpse of the boys. A few members of your group excitedly discussed the performance while others were catching their breath, the adrenaline from the performance still coursing through their veins. As you searched the crowd, your eyes finally landed on the group of 127 boys standing in a corner, chatting and laughing amongst themselves. You excused yourself, waving and approaching the boys with a smile.
The members noticed you approaching, and a chorus of cheerful greetings and compliments rang out. Johnny let out a whistle of admiration as you approached, grinning widely. "Hey there, superstar! You killed it out there!" Doyoung smiled warmly, gesturing for you to join them, and Yuta gave you a friendly wave. They all seemed genuinely impressed by your performance, the atmosphere light and celebratory. You laughed, shaking your head as you humbly accepted their praise. "Learnt from the best." Johnny chuckled and rolled his eyes slightly, playing along with the praise. "Flattery, flattery. But we love it." Yuta smiled and jokingly flexed his muscles, feigning a serious tone. "Well, if you're learning from us, you've definitely been paying attention to the right people." The others laughed playfully, indulging in the banter and lightheartedness of the moment.
You chuckled, listening to them all bantering and joking around with each other while you looked for a certain someone, noticing they were missing a member. As the banter and laughter continued, you couldn't help but notice the absence of a familiar face. One member was noticeably missing from their group, his absence casting a subtle shadow over the scene. Johnny, ever observant, noticed your gaze lingering, and his smile faded slightly as he followed your gaze. He leaned over and gently elbowed you. "Looking for someone?" You cleared your throat, nodding. "yeah, is..is he here?" you asked, cheeks a gentle pink. Johnny's expression softened as he saw the hint of a blush on your cheeks and the concern in your eyes. He knew exactly who you were referring to, and he glanced over at the other members, who had suddenly become quiet, their bantering now reduced to hushed whispers. Johnny turned back to you, the corner of his mouth curving up into a reassuring smile. "Yeah, he's here. He had to step away for a moment but he'll be back shortly."
Johnny watched you as you nodded, understanding the mixture of anticipation and anxiety you were feeling. He gently patted you on the shoulder. "Everything's going to be okay. Just hang tight, he'll be back any minute now." The other members nodded in agreement, offering silent support, each of them secretly rooting for the upcoming reunion. They continued chatting and joking, creating a facade of normalcy, but you could sense the underlying anticipation in the air. Several minutes passed, each second feeling like an eternity as you fidgeted and glanced nervously toward the door, waiting for his return. Every rustle of the curtains or shuffle of footsteps had you hopeful, scanning the surroundings for a glimpse of him. Finally, as the minutes ticked by, the door to the backstage area gently creaked open, and a familiar figure appeared in the doorway. Mark's gaze instantly landed on you, his eyes widening slightly as he took in your presence. The chatter around you seemed to fade into the background as you and Mark locked eyes, a mix of surprise and anticipation etched across his features.
The other members suddenly grew quiet, their conversations falling silent as they observed the moment unfolding. They glanced back and forth between you and Mark, their faces a mixture of tension and hope. Johnny watched discreetly, a knowing smile tugging at the corners of his lips, while the others tried to maintain a casual stance, pretending not to notice the charged atmosphere. Mark walked over to the group with Taeyong, who instantly greeted you with a grin and pulled you into a hug, praising your performance. As he approached, Taeyong immediately chimed in, giving you a tight hug and praising your performance. "You were amazing out there! We were all rooting for you." Mark smiled, his heart racing as he took in your appearance in front of him again. The sight of you, radiant and vibrant, made his chest tighten. He struggled to find words, his mind still racing with a maelstrom of thoughts and emotions.
Taeyong smiled back, his eyes flickering between you and Mark. He knew the weight of the moment, the tension in the air, and the unspoken emotions swirling around the group. He subtly moved away, allowing you and Mark some space, while the rest of the members quietly observed, trying to give you the illusion of privacy in the crowded backstage area. Mark stood before you, the rest of the world seemingly fading away as he focused solely on you. His heart thudded in his chest, the weight of unspoken words and emotions pressing upon him. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. Instead, he took a deep breath, his voice soft and laced with a hint of uncertainty. "Can we…can we talk? Alone?" You took a deep breath, playing with the hem of your shirt. "Of course. My dressing room might be free?" you offered, admiring his face but making note of how tired he also looked.
Mark nodded, silently signalling his agreement to your suggestion. At your mention of the dressing room, a wave of relief washed over him. Being in a quiet, secluded place would make it much easier to discuss what was on their minds. He managed a small smile, appreciating the gesture and how well you knew him. "Yeah, that would be perfect. Lead the way." you shot Taeyong a nervous look before walking, leading the way. The walk down the hallways was silent until you both reached the room, making sure no one else was in there before going in and shutting the door behind you. The silence between you and Mark felt thick and heavy, an undercurrent of tension and anticipation that seemed to grow with each step closer to the dressing room. As the door closed behind you, locking out the rest of the world and all its distractions, a sense of quiet isolation settled in the air. The only sound was the gentle hum of the air conditioner and your own breathing. Mark stood a few feet away from you, shoving his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, suddenly feeling uncertain about what to say.
He took a moment to collect his thoughts, his gaze shifting from the floor to your face and back again. After a beat of silence, he finally spoke, his voice soft and somewhat tentative. "You were incredible out there…I couldn't take my eyes off you." He cleared his throat, pushing his glasses up. "So was yours! I mean yours always are but-" you rambled, cheeks red as you avoided his eyes, realising what you were doing. "Your solo was amazing." Mark's lips curved into a soft smile at your quick response, amused by your slight awkwardness. He couldn't help but find endearment in your rambling. He chuckled lightly, shaking his head slightly, a hint of nostalgia in his eyes as he spoke. "You're not much of a calm and collected person, are you?"
"s'not my fault I get nervous around you." you defended, staring at the ground, heart racing. Mark's smile widened, his heart skipping a beat at your words. He took a step forward, closing the distance between you ever so slightly. His voice carried a hint of playfulness, but there was an underlying sincerity in his words. "You still get nervous around me, huh? After all this time?" he teased gently, a smug smirk on his face. "shut up." you murmured, a small smile on your face as you still avoided eye contact. Mark chuckled softly, a low, warm sound that filled the small space between you. He studied your face, noticing the slight upturn of your lips and the hint of a blush on your cheeks. He took another step forward, stopping just a few centimetres in front of you. He gently reached out and placed a finger under your chin, gently guiding your gaze up to meet his. "Look at me." you hesitated but followed, looking up at him.
As your gaze finally met his, Mark's breath hitched in his throat. The sight of you, looking up at him through fluttering eyelashes, sent a wave of emotions coursing through him. He studied your face, noticing the way your eyes darted around, the way your cheeks flushed with colour. He smiled a warm, genuine smile, his fingers still gently cupping your chin. Softly, he spoke, his voice a mere whisper. "I've missed you…" That seemed to be the tipping point. You latched on, arms wrapping around his neck before burying your face in his chest, fighting the tears. Mark's eyes widened slightly in surprise as you suddenly launched yourself into his arms, wrapping your arms around his neck and burying your face against his chest. He instinctively wrapped his own arms around your body, pulling you closer, holding you tightly against him. He could feel the slight tremors in your body, the telltale signs of tears brimming in your eyes. Without a moment's hesitation, he tightened his embrace, his chin resting on the top of your head. "Shhh…" he murmured softly, his voice gentle and soothing. "It's okay, I'm here."
"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." you whispered, clinging to him as if he'd disappear. Mark's heart ached at the sound of your choked apologies, the muffled sound of your voice against his chest. He ran his hand slowly up and down your back, a soothing gesture meant to provide comfort and reassurance. He pulled away slightly to look down at you, his eyes filled with a mixture of tenderness and understanding. "Hey, shh…it's okay." he whispered, gently guiding your head up to look at him. He gently wiped away the tears that had escaped your eyes, his touch gentle and tender. "There's nothing to apologize for." he reassured. "did Taeyong-" you asked, tears still streaming as you struggled to speak. Mark nodded, understanding the question you were trying to ask. He paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts and searching for the right words to say. He sighed and let out a small laugh, more out of disbelief rather than amusement. He gently stroked your hair, trying to soothe you as best as he could. "Yes, he told me…everything."
He saw the flicker of shame and guilt in your eyes, the emotions that were all too familiar. He cupped your face gently, his thumbs gently tracing your cheeks, wiping away the remaining tears. "I'm not mad…" he whispered, his voice soft but firm. "I never was. I was just…hurt." He paused, letting his words sink in, his eyes searching yours for any sign of understanding or acknowledgement. "I promise I didn't want to do it, Mark, i lost myself the day I lost you." you whispered, rambling on with anxiety rising. "I still keep your sweater in my dresser in case I'm craving your scent and I still keep your toothbrush in my bathroom in case you come back again, and-" you rambled on. Mark's heart ached as you spoke, your words tumbling out in a desperate plea to make him understand. He listened intently, soaking in every word, every syllable that spilt from your lips. He could see the pain and regret etched across your face, the guilt that weighed heavily on your shoulders. He gently placed a finger on your lips, silencing your rambling for a moment. He stared down at you, his eyes filled with a mixture of emotions - pain, understanding, and a hint of hope. "Stop…just stop…"
When you didn't, he took a chance and went for it, your eyes widening when you felt him cut you off with his lips on yours. Without another word, Mark closed the remaining space between you, his lips capturing yours in a desperate, yearning kiss. It was a combination of tender and hungry, a mixture of all the emotions he had been holding back for so long. He held your face gently in his hands, his fingers lightly tracing the curve of your jaw. After what felt like an eternity, he finally pulled away, his forehead resting against yours, breath mingling. He let out a shaky exhale, his heart racing and thrumming in his chest. "I-" he began, his voice soft and filled with a mixture of emotions. He took a moment to collect himself, his eyes staring into yours.* "I don't care about the reasons…or the circumstances…or any of those stupid excuses of why we broke up. I don't blame you…I never did. The only thing I care about right now is that you're here, right in front of me…and that I still love you." he confessed, eyes both a mix of love, fear and hope for your response.
----
"I'll go grab the drinks." you volunteered, getting up out of your chair already. "someone will need to help-" you started, a soft chuckle leaving your lips as the boys dibs not it. Mark watched as you stood up, a smirk playing on his lips. He leaned back in his chair, his arms folding across his chest, a hint of mischief in his eyes. He chuckled as the boys loudly protested, each of them declaring their unwillingness to help, almost as if they'd planned it out in advance. In the midst of the chaos, Mark spoke up, a cocky smile on his face. "Oh come on, I'll help." you grinned, following him back inside the boys' dorms and to the kitchen. As the two of you made your way to the kitchen, Mark kept a watchful eye on you, a small smile playing on his lips. He helped you gather the drinks, grabbing bottles and cans, his movements smooth and effortless. Once everything was ready, he closed the fridge door with a thump before turning to you, leaning back against the counter and crossing his arms over his chest. "what?" you murmured, eyebrow raised and a smirk on your face as you approached him.
Mark chuckled, his eyes flickering over your face, taking in every detail. Even the casual smirk on your lips was enough to make his heart flutter. He leaned back against the counter, a smug look on his face. "What?" he echoed your words defiantly, a playful glimmer in his eyes. "I can’t admire my girlfriend?" you hummed, smirking as you wrapped your arms around his neck. "Never said that." Mark's smirk widened into a full-blown smile as you wrapped your arms around his neck. He wrapped his own around your waist, pulling you closer, his body pressed against yours. He leaned in, his breath warm against your cheek as he spoke in a low voice, filled with playful mischief. "Oh yeah? And what are you gonna do about it then, huh?"
"You'll have to find out later."
bye bye, daddy | mark lee
synopsis: you and mark have a crying, upset toddler on your hands, and it seems there are only a few things that can make her happy, — like spending time with her daddy, and watching the grinch.
pairing: girl dad!mark x female!reader
genre: fluff, domesticity, established relationship
word count: 2.4k
contains: very loving husband and father mark. very patient mark. christmas themes, santa talk. daughter doesn't have a name, but he calls her "cookie". fluff galore.
author's note: christmas is around the corner so some of the future drabbles im planning to put out will be about christmas <3 meelings (mark feelings) are open (always) (so feel free to discuss anything mark related with me <3)
read more of dad!mark & cookie HERE
©️ kongjjen 2024. all rights reserved. do not copy, translate or repost any of my works.
Mark’s keys jingle in his hand before he opens the front door, the delicious smell of dinner hitting his nose as soon as he steps foot inside the house. He knows this smell, the spices, the veggies, the sauces. You’re making a roasting — a dish he loves, that you cook very often during winters, because you know it’s one of his favourites.
He thinks he could kiss you, if only he could find you. Where are you?
He thinks you’re in the kitchen, but the roast is sitting perfectly inside the oven, the pan with veggies still cooking on the stove on a small flame, and the bowls with sauces and chutneys sitting on the kitchen counter far away from the edge, that you both know your daughter can reach to steal her mom’s delicious chutney — just to eat with her fingers stealthily by herself.
He throws the keys in the bowl by the entrance, finally taking his jacket off. He wanted to see you so badly that he didn’t even bother to do his routine when he came home, immediately going to look for you.
There’s something odd going on, he thinks, because your daughter is nowhere to be seen, or heard, and she’s usually at the door the moment she hears the jingling of his keys right before he tries to open the door. Not seeing you and your daughter makes him unsettled just a tiny bit, considering there’s the stove that’s still on and he can’t find you.
He drags his slippers on the hardwood floor towards the living room, and his heart skips a bit seeing you looking through the boxes full of Christmas decorations.
You and Mark love celebrating Christmas, and ever since you two got married you started establishing family traditions. And now you also have your daughter to pass everything on to. You’ve never skipped decorating the house, putting up a tree, Christmas films and singing carols and Christmas songs while baking cookies or cooking meals, and now you have your daughter to join in on the fun. And thankfully, when it comes to Christmas season, she’s just as enthusiastic as both you and Mark — and she’s a big Santa believer.
“Hi, baby,” Mark rasps from behind you, and you flinch, clutching a few Christmas lights to your chest. You turn around to look at him, your eyes big with what Mark thinks is fear by being taken by surprise, and he giggles. “I’m so sorry, did I scare you?”
You nod, putting the lights down carefully, and then wrapping your arms tightly around him.
“I didn’t hear your keys at all!” You sigh, your head falling in the crook of his neck. You inhale his scent, and you sigh once again. You always wondered how’s it possible for your husband to always smell so good, even after a busy and tiring work day.
“Maybe that’s why cookie didn’t come running to the door,” he laughs, pinching your back to make you raise your head from his shoulder. You know that’s his silent sign that he wants you to kiss him.
You giggle, grabbing his cheeks and bringing him in for a soft kiss. His lips are soft as always, and his nose feels cold while touching yours. You peck his lips repeatedly a few more times, before letting go of him.
“I think cookie is upset, that’s why she didn’t come down from her room,” you finally respond, and Mark takes a seat on the armchair between the many boxes full of decorations.
“Why?” Mark asks worried, and he picks up a few Christmas lights to untangle them.
“She wouldn’t tell me, but I’m guessing she’ll open up when her tummy is full,” you chuckle, and Mark laughs knowing that you’re right. You both know your daughter will forget about what made her so upset after she’ll eat something.
“What colour you wanna make it this year, baby?” He rasps, looking at the different boxes full with Christmas globes, while his fingers are fast at work untangling the strings full of lights. He really liked the white ones, but he knows you’ve always made it work no matter the colour. The year you found out you were having a baby girl you decorated the Christmas tree with soft pink globes and ornaments, and he loved it, even if he’s never thought pink could ever be a fit for Christmas.
You point at the blue ones, various tones of blue filling the huge box, but then you point your finger at the box containing the white ones, his favourites, and you let him know you’re indecisive. Blue is his favourite colour, but he really, really likes the white ones.
“You can choose what-” you’re interrupted by someone trying the front door handle, and Mark looks worried towards the from door, his neck lurching in its direction immediately.
Both you and Mark see your daughter wearing her warm hello kitty hat, open jacket around her small figure and her pink backpack hanging off her shoulders.
“Cookie? Where are you going?” Mark asks, still stretching his neck to look towards the front door.
Thank god Mark has the habit of locking the door as soon as he comes home.
“Bye bye mommy!” She blurts out, “Bye bye daddy!” She tries the door handle once again, but the door doesn’t open, so she’s left standing helpless in front of it.
Mark throws you a look, just to find you already looking back at him. You both look at her, and she doesn’t move for ten good seconds, before she turns around with tears in her eyes.
You both know not to panic, knowing that your daughter can be a little drama queen sometimes.
“Bye bye mommy and daddy? Where are you off to?” He asks her, seeing as she’s still standing there.
“The North Pole,” she explains, her voice trembling a bit.
“The North Pole?” You ask, and you and Mark look at each other once again. He raises his eyebrows at you, asking you what’s going on, but unfortunately for him, you don’t have any idea either. “That’s where Santa lives,”
“Yes,” she blurts out, tears streaming down her puffy cheeks, “I’m bringing him my letter,”
“Your letter? But it’s too early, cookie,” Mark intervenes, and it’s one of those times he doesn’t know where this conversation is going — and one of those very few times when he doesn’t know what’s going on inside his daughter’s head.
“It’s not! Yuka and Soo already sent theirs!” She speaks clearly this time, but she’s still full of rage, you can see it in her big expressive eyes, that she took from Mark.
It all clicks in your and Mark’s heads. It’s not the first time your four year old is influenced by her kindergarten friends, and it doesn’t matter how many times you and Mark tried telling her that she doesn’t have to do what everyone else is doing, she’s still a four year old child at the end of the day.
“Cookie, but you’re not Yuka, or Soo!” You explain, preparing your big Christmas traditions speech, hoping for Mark to jump in at some point, because she always listens to him and understands things best when he’s the one doing the explaining, or nagging. Even though the nagging part is almost never happening, coming from him.
“Mommy’s right, cookie,” Mark moves a bit in his seat, making eye contact with her, “We didn’t even set the tree up! We send the letter to Santa when we’re done with the tree here,” he points at the spot where you usually put the tree up. “But if you want to go to Santa’s house you can go, we’ll see you in January,”
She stays still for a bit, before she registers what her dad just said.
“January? But Christmas is in December!” She freaks out, eyes already brimming with tears.
“Yes, but Santa lives far away, by the time you'll come back me and mommy will have the tree already put back in the box,” he talks to her like he would to a grown up, and that’s what you love about Mark.
He’s such a good father, he always treats her as a human first, and child second. He’ll try to explain to her why some things are good, why some things are bad, he always challenges her development and skills by treating her like a grown up. You and Mark always encourage her to speak her mind, express her feelings and what’s going on inside her mind, to tell you all her worries and fears. As a writer, Mark always challenges her imagination and creativity, making her come up with stories and all sorts of plots that he sometimes uses in his own books, discussing things with her like he would with his editor.
And most importantly, as parents, you always work hard to make her understand that she doesn’t have to do everything her friends do. She’s still a baby, your baby, but neither you nor Mark would ever forgive yourselves if you knew something happened to her because you weren’t cautious enough and good parents.
“So you better go now, if you want to reach his house before Christmas,” Mark encourages, falsely busying himself with the Christmas lights in his lap.
“But I can’t miss Christmas!” She throws a fit, panicking at the same time. She looks desperately at you, asking for help, but you know better than crossing Mark’s words and tactics. Parenting 101.
“Maybe you should wait a bit, cookie,” Mark turns to her once again, “Mommy is making some roasting, you should bring a bit to Santa as well, as a gift,”
“We have roasting?” She freaks out once again. The idea of missing the sauce and chutney brings her to the breaking point, and hearing her father instructing her to leave soon makes her cry immediately.
She starts sobbing, unconsoled and alone in the entry hallway, holding her white teddy bear, Sugar, tightly. Your heart breaks for her, but you know she needs to learn not to sneak out of the house in the future, and to always come to you or Mark if she needs help.
“Why are you crying?” Mark asks, finally putting the lights away, still as tangled as before. “Come to daddy, cookie,” he instructs, opening his arms, and the crying girl launches towards him.
The moment she feels her daddy engulfing her in a warm embrace, she starts sobbing uncontrollably, holding his grey sweater tight in her small fist. He pats her back, kissing her forehead trying to comfort her.
“I don’t wanna go!” She screams, snot already reaching her mouth, and between screams she licks her lips. You try your best to hold your laugh in, not wanting to distress her even more, but you know you and Mark will have the best talk later tonight after putting her to bed.
“Then you don’t have to go, cookie,” you reassure her, crouching down at Mark’s feet to get a better view of your daughter. “But what were you thinking? Sneaking out without telling me and daddy?”
“Sorry,” she sobs, feeling ashamed.
“Daddy will help you with the letter, but we always do it after the tree is up, yeah?” He reassures her, “Let’s do things the good way, cookie, the way we usually do, not the way others tell us to do, alright?”
“So you didn’t forget?” She whispers, fearing her father’s response.
“Forget writing to Santa? Never!” He makes a dismissive gesture with his hand, scoffing, all while looking at you. “Daddy will help you, like I always do!”
She stops crying, already sweating from wearing the big fluffy hat on her head, and Mark takes it off immediately, smoothing her hair with his gentle touch.
“Can daddy see the letter you wrote?” Mark pats her on the back to have her attention, gesture that’s the equivalent of the pinch he gives you when he wants your attention.
She separates herself from her daddy, sniffing briefly before reaching behind herself for her backpack. She takes a crumpled piece of paper out, handing it to Mark, who opens it so you can see as well.
Vertical, horizontal lines fill the otherwise blank page, only god knows what she meant when she wrote them. There are a few drawings at the bottom of the page, made hurriedly — you and Mark both recognise she hurried and wasn’t as careful as she usually is, desperate to finish it fast and leave to personally take it to Santa’s. A cat, a bunny, a bike, a few princesses scattered around, wearing all sorts of coloured gowns.
You and Mark already know what to get her for Christmas, but writing the letter for her will give you the confirmation of her wishes. You already smile thinking of Mark’s pretty handwriting filling the flimsy page.
“Can we watch the Grinch, daddy?” You daughter asks, licking the snot above her lip away.
You look at Mark, who’s already looking at you, and he makes a small movement with his head, pointing towards the kitchen, clearly giving you a way out before it’s too late. You’re very lucky to have your daughter obsessed with your husband, and you’re even more lucky to have a patient husband who loves your daughter incredibly much, she’s his whole world.
You take the opportunity to leave them alone, going back to the kitchen to keep an eye on the roasting and the veggies still cooking slowly on the stove, hearing your daughter from the other room, and how she’s chewing her daddy’s ears off talking about scenes from the Grinch.
And Mark, poor soul, he has to sit on the couch with his little girl, watching the cartoon as if he hasn’t already watched it thirty thousand times. He knows the jokes, the lines, it’s like he wrote the thing himself. And he wonders how his little girl doesn’t get tired of it, ever.
But hopefully, you’ll save him soon enough like you always do, bringing some lame excuse up just to save him. Hopefully, tonight you’ll need someone to stir your veggies.





