Random collection of my headcanons bc I can’t have a cohesive thought and idk what to expand upon
Skull has a very complicated and confusing intimate history. At least.. Nowadays! He woke up from being an ice pop and suddenly all these new villains think he’s the hottest shit they’ve ever seen! He isn’t.. used to it, nor does he have any idea where it comes from. Some, he humors. Others, he ignores. Maybe it is to protect his empire.. Perhaps, it is to protect himself.. Like it or not, various villains chase his tail. He tolerates it. For now.
cOUGH COUGH HACK HACK— Okay so Imma rip off the bandage immediately.. Hawkeye and Red Skull would be very cute. hEAR ME OUT,, Just,, Snarky, Smartass Avengers Assemble Hawkeye getting wrapped up in Calculating, Cunning Skull’s plans? PEAK IDEA!! JUST P E A K!! I’m not one for Skull to venture far from Steve, however their history is.. complicated. Hawkeye.. He’s not Captain America, sure. He’s not the pinnacle of health (being deaf). He’s just a guy with arrows.. But.. that’s intriguing. Hawkeye is just a man with arrows, yet he’s an Avenger? Iron Man is a guy in a tin can, but he at least has money! Hawkeye.. is broke.. He’s snarky, he sasses Skull during most missions. He creates a back and forth with Johann only Steve really tries.. The other heroes? They don’t take things.. personally. Hawkeye does. Besides, he’s a blonde.. Skull is soft for blondes..
Red Skull and Captain America are each other’s comfort zones. They both woke in a changed world, one that shifts constantly. Sure, Skull is better at adapting than Steve. It’s his strong suit.. But, the world is still alien to him.. Steve feels this comfort more than Skull. The world changed, the one he knew is gone. His old friends? They all died.. The tech changed, the war is over, it’s all.. different. However, one thing remains the same. Red Skull. He’s the same Skull Cap remembers from the glory days. The accent remains, those piercing yellow eyes still glow, and his laugh is as evil as ever. Sure, Skull’s got a few new scars, but he’s still Cap’s same Skull. Steve is thankful for it.
Skull has various plots, sort of a plot A and plot B. Everyone sees plot A, rule the world, destroy the avengers, yadda yadda.. However, plot B is more.. selfish desires. Personal plans to satisfy a sense of.. longing in Skull. They’re more.. in tune with his heart, and he refuses to share them with most. Zola, Viper, and Night see the most of it. They’re his core support.. They’re granted access.. His B plans of course include his mother. He longs to bring her back, to at least meet her once.. Curiosity will always drive Johann and he longs to truly know.. Who she was. Does she like tea? Is her favorite color yellow? Can she sing? How will she feel about Hydra? So many questions he longs to answer.. Yet, his mother isn’t the only plan. He wants to create a daughter, one of science. He’d rather choke on his own blood then pursue a woman (as a gay man), so science will have to do. Though, he isn’t sure which candidate to use.. Him, definitely. Though, what other man is worthy to help create the new heir of Hydra?..
Skull gets bitches, okay. He’s got so many bitches trying to hit him up, it’s ridiculous. His army has grown beyond mere foot soldiers for this very reason. He has mechanical aid, thanks to his loyal lapdog Justin Hammer. He has technical aid, due to M.O.D.O.K’s.. strange devotion.. Vampires swarm Johann, thanks to the fact the Vampire King has set his eyes upon the Hydra leader.. At this point, Skull wouldn’t bat an eye if aliens become at his beck and call. Suppose he’s just that attractive..
Everyone agrees Skull is a fine piece of ass. Captain America will admit it, Hawkeye keeps pestering everyone about it, of course all of Hydra thinks so— Even Tony has to agree just so people stop bringing it up. The only one who’s too stubborn to address it is Widow, for she’s an aro/ace!!
Black Widow ACTUALLY has a Russian accent bc I’m upset they never give her one!! I also like the idea of her having spider features, bc she’s a BLACK WIDOW.. she’s also Hawkeye’s best friend bc I’d rather die than have another classic boy x girl love story.. cHRIST WOMEN AND MEN CAN JUST BE FRIENDS!!
Hawkeye is iconic, enough said. He is bisexual (male leaning), and is sort of a flirt. He flirts to take villains off guard, but if anyone offers to hit him up he wouldn’t object.. Also he’s deaf bc they need to stop taking away disabled representation!! He was practically raised in the circus of crime and has a big love for dance!! He’s better comic relief than Tony any day, and he’s super underrated. We stan AA Hawkeye!!
Mother Night and Viper are pillars of the Hydra empire and are very important in Skull’s life. Not only are they heads of his army, but they’re the female support he needs. Red Skull needs friends, he could truly thrive with a support system. He needs Viper’s level-headedness to keep him on the ground. While, Mother Night’s concern and affection for him allow Skull to know when he’s safe. We need more females within the Hydra army, and more women in general. Besides, they’re super cool and have awesome capes!!
Skull has complex feelings when it comes to parental.. things. He recalls his own father, and is envious of anyone who’s been graced with a mother. This all hits him when he decides to create an heir for Hydra.. Seeing baby Sin.. He’s conflicted, almost scared but won’t admit it. He doesn’t want to be like his father. He doesn’t want to live up to that.. However, he isn’t too sure how to properly parent either. At first, he is convinced he doesn’t want to raise a child. He’d rather have Zola age the baby up immediately, but.. Once he sees his little girl, he wants to hold her.. Carry her around and show her all of Hydra.. He’s lost in his head, and doesn’t know what to do.
Skull will always fixate on Captain America, that’s never going away! Though, his eyes have started to wander.. What if there truly is no hope for the Captain? He will never succumb to Johann’s wishes.. Perhaps, modern men aren’t so bad? Mr. Hammer practically begs Skull for the time of day.. He already has a loyal blonde at his feet. Besides, Hawkeye is a more.. receptive hero.. Sometimes, Skull believes it’s time to broaden his horizons. Let go of the past, only then can you prosper fully..
Red Skull is extremely starved and he doesn’t know it at all. He’s pent up, and the fucking idiot has no idea. He doesn’t know how much he longs for romantic and sexual attention. No fucking clue that he often day dreams about a proper Hydra wedding.. Does he stare at the male heroes? He can’t tell.. He doesn’t get lost in eyes, nor get flushed within certain arms. His heart refuses to flutter at many voices.. Skull doesn’t.. desire to dance with someone.. after a delightful dinner.. under the moon.. He doesn’t realize how lonely he truly is.
Skull did indeed freeze in the ice with Steve. Both crashed during that flight, and both were frozen staring at each other for years.. According to Steve, it was a very intimate encounter..
I really like Johann with the Tesseract, soooo I’m keeping it! It acts sort of like Jarvis, but it doesn’t speak. All it does it glow and display images for Skull. The Tesseract can hint at the future and give Skull advice. It’s a very friendly artifact! Though, has a bias towards Johann due to the very kind treatment Skull gives it!
There you go, enjoy my brain vomit—