things you said that I wish you hadn't with steve/bucky?
(send me a ship and one of these and i’ll write a mini fic)
Selfish, Awful, Cold & Dreadful
“Bucky, I’m gonna ask Peggy to marry me.” Steve’s smiling, ducking his head a bit, cheeks warmed with pink like he’s been in the sun. He rubs a bit at the back of his neck, awkward.
Bucky’s staring at him, stunned and stupid as his brain tries to catch up. It really can’t be a surprise, though, can it? Steve and Peggy have been dating a full year, give or take. And Steve’s the type who wants to settle down, do things right. Bucky forces his best happy-for-you smile onto his face, bright and broad and maybe only half a lie. “That’s great, Stevie!” His voice even sounds normal; he’s doing this, doing okay. “I know she’s crazy about you—maybe almost as much as you’re crazy about her!” He chuckles, looking down as he shakes his head. “I can’t imagine she’d turn you down.” (As much as he’d like—in the most selfish, awful, cold and dreadful corners of his heart—to pretend there’s a chance, that he ever had a chance.) He swallows down his nausea as his body moves through the steps of clapping Steve on the back, grinning, saying, “Do you already have a ring picked out? Need any help planning something romantic for the proposal?”
“No, no,” Steve says, shaking his head. “I don’t need any help, Buck—just…support, I guess? And a bit of encouragement?”
“Right.” Bucky nods, flashes Steve a grin so happy it hurts. “Hey, what’s a best friend for?” This is who he is to Steve, after all. Who he’ll always be. It’s enough. It has to be. It’s more than he deserves, really. If he’s very, very lucky, if there’s enough mercy in the universe, he’ll continue to be allowed this. He gives Steve another encouraging thump on the back—and if it’s a little rough, well, that’s always how he’s done it. “How about we have a drink to celebrate?”
“She hasn’t said yes yet, Buck,” Steve points out, but he lets Bucky steer him towards the door all the same.
“But she will!” Bucky assures him as his heart shreds itself silently inside his chest. “We both know she will.”
