GIF credits: Maise 1 unknown, credit to owner, Maine 2 - fakehelper | Harald by @charming-merlin
About: After a brief descent into darkness, Harald realizes the only way to get Qena back is to do so himself.
Warnings: Qena gets into some details about her life as a captured woman, angst
Qena POV
With closed eyes, Qena brings the pool of water in her hands to her face, letting it cool her skin. As the river water drips down her neck, she exhales and smooths her hands over her hair.
No matter how many times Qena washed in the water, she still felt heavy - dirty. Maybe part of her hoped she could wash it away and watch it flow down the river. But, her guilt was not that easily banished. Qena had to leave, at least that’s what she told herself. She couldn’t stay there, not with Kings' blood on her hands.
The decision continued to haunt her, from the moment she woke up beside Harald to now. Leaving him and saying her farewell in written word to Vidar and Ama felt harder to do than the crime she committed. Qena didn’t know if she could ever forgive herself for it.
In such a short time, Qena could see the seemingly hard King was anything but. Memories of him replay in her mind like a story. The way his blue eyes soften on her, the tender kisses among the more passionate ones, the richness of his deep voice, his laugh, the way Harald was both gentle and rough. King Harald was like her ghost, lingering over her shoulder and impossible to forget.
As she traveled, putting distance between her and Vestfold, the urge to turn around and go back was frequent. Her feet would move forward as her heart reached back.
She wondered if she went back and fell to her knees and apologized, would she be welcomed? The King was good to her, Ama and Vidar were good to her - Qena not only broke her promise to them, but she also left the King without a word. He deserved more than that.
With furrowed brows, Qena stands and dries her hands on her dress. The sun would be setting soon; she had to find shelter for the night. Trying to ignore the slight tremble in her chin, she slips on her pack with her belongings and continues heading South.
…
King Harald POV
He didn’t like this version of himself.
Slipping into old habits, the last 5 days were covered in darkness. The drinking, the women, the anger - he found himself springing back to a place he was finally able to see the light from again.
Then she left.
Were his crimes so great to the Gods put her in his path to tease him? To show him what he could have had if he didn’t do what he did? Harald punished himself enough. He didn’t need reminders of his dreadful actions.
The men he sent after she returned with a word when he was drunk and in bed with two servants. Despite the late hour, they knew the King would need news immediately.
“My King, we apologize for the disruption.”
Harald sits up with a grunt and signals the girl closest to him to pass the unfinished ale.
“What?” His voice is scratchier than usual. He drinks the rest, some of it spilling on his beard.
“We were unable to find her.” His voice shaking as displeasure washes over Harald's face.
Clenching his jaw, Harald dismisses the women with a gesture of his hand. “Go! NOW!”
They scurry, grabbing their gowns and leaving the room. The messengers wait for orders.
Coming to standing, Harald wraps his body with a robe and closes it. He stumbles slightly before stabilizing himself. With a huff, he approaches the men, frowning at them both.
“I told you not to come back until you found her.”
The men look at each other, fear in their faces.
“S-sorry my King, we will resume the search now, in the opposite direction. Our apologies.” They bow and start to leave the room.
Harald grabs one by the arm roughly. He wants to punish them, to punish them for not returning with her. He opens his mouth to criticize them but stops.
Letting him go, he cocks his head and shakes it. Speaking more to himself than them.
“Qena can’t be far. She’s on foot. No boat, no horse...I’ll find her.”
Harald takes a deep breath and holds it. He needed to calm down and sober up so he could form a plan.
Harald feared a visit to the Seer due to his past actions, but in this case, to find Qena, he was willing to do anything he could to bring her back. No matter what her secrets were.
…
Sometime later
Harald leans against the trunk of the tree, watching the small abandoned farmhouse in the distance. Her petite figure, moving inside as she carries some sort of dish from one side of the house to the other.
“My King, do you want us to retrieve her?” The man asks. Harald nods his head, no.
“Go back to camp, rest, wait for my word,“ he looks back at him, “we’ve had a long journey. I’ll take it from here."
He signals to the others to leave. After a brief moment, they do. Harald took a search team of 5 men with him.
It took all of them and a lot of questioning, but they finally got a tip that led to here, this little house deep in the woods. In a village far away from his own home.
Harald watches until the sun goes down and his men are long gone. He was feeling so much; anger, hurt, excitement, hope. How would she react to him? Would she be happy? Would she run?
Was his obsessive nature yet again his downfall? Could their night have been nothing but stress relief for her? Did Qena feel nothing for him? Maybe Halfdan was right all those years ago. Maybe Harald knew nothing about women.
As night covers the sky, he carefully makes his way toward the cabin.
Qena POV
Finishing the last of her meal, Qena pushed the bowl away and glanced out the window, the moon looking back at her. It was a starless night due to the recent storm. She missed the stars.
Her eyes travel to the bowl again. She could try to sleep, but that didn’t come so easy these days. When sleep did come, she dreamed of Harald, of Vestfold. Qena dreamed of how in a short time, it felt like home. Maybe staying up was better.
Perhaps some fresh air could lighten her mood. Standing, she makes her way to the door but stops in her tracks as it starts to open. Quickly retrieving her blade, she stands behind the door, her heart racing.
“Qena.”
The voice is heavy on her heart but music to her ears. Lowering the blade, she steps out from behind the door. Not believing her eyes, she takes a step back.
“I won’t hurt you.” Harald holds up his hands. “You can lower that.”
Pressing her lips together, she stalls a moment, then lowers the blade, letting it hang at her side.
Harald steps in further and closes the door behind him with a heavy sigh. He doesn't turn around just yet. His hand is splayed against the door, head lowered.
Qena takes another step back, moving closer to the nearby counter. Her heart beating so fast she can feel it in her ears.
When Harald speaks, it breaks her heart, “Why did you leave me?”
Qena’s breath catches in her throat. Placing the sword on the table with a heavy face, she bites at her lower lip. A million answers come to mind, still, she struggles to find the words. Her mouth opens and closes again.
Harald turns to her, his blue eyes seem almost black. A frown on his lips. All color seems drained from his beautiful face.
Clearing her throat, she forces herself to speak, “I had to.”
Harald advances toward her and grabs her hands, holding them in his own, his eyes locked on hers. “That answer is not good enough.”
Qena breaks eye contact, looking at their hands.
“You won’t understand it.”
“Then make me understand, tell me!” He pleads.
Shutting her eyes, Qena tries to fight the oncoming tears. She loses, they feel hot against her cheeks. Pulling her hands away, she puts more space between their bodies.
“King Harald, you should forget me. It’s better that way.”
Harald grunts, looking off to the side. When he looks back at her, there is a coldness in his eyes.
“Then I take you back as my prisoner.”
His word cut her. Qena, confused, looks at him wildly. “W-what?”
Harald blinks, the coldness breaking for a moment.
“When you ran, I was furious at you. I know a lot of people, all over. You went missing 8 months ago….Queen Qena.” His sharp tone makes her flinch.
Qena rubs the back of her own neck and stares down at the ground.
Harald continues, “The same night your husband was murdered, a King.”
Qena swallows and moves behind the desk, pressing her hands into it, hoping to stop the shaking. The prickling in the back of her neck and the tightness in her chest only getting worse. Her eyes float up to Haralds. His head is held high, shoulders square.
“His rule was outside of Norway and he had numerous enemies. In fact, one now sits at this throne after killing another for it. You can be protected here, but you have to trust me. You have to tell me everything.”
Qena slouches over the counter, covering her face with her hands. Harald moves closer, standing at her side.
Her mouth feels dry. Standing back up, she turns to Harald, leaving one hand on the counter to feel something stable.
“Did they tell you how I became a Queen? I was taken when my people were raided. I had two brothers, a sister, a mother, a father.” She pauses, a faraway look in her eyes like she’s remembering. “I was a servant for two moon cycles or so until the King decided his watching and grabbing of me as I walked by could no longer quench his thirst. So, he had me frequently. So much so, his wife came to resent me. I never understood as a woman, how she could blame me. “ Qena moves from behind the counter, pacing the room slowly, arms across her body. “ She called me a witch, believing that I bewitched him. If I had such powers, I would have made myself invisible or gone back to my family...whoever survived at least.”
Harald sits on the small thin bed, hanging on to her every word.
“It was my living nightmare. But, the worst of it was to come. He married me, his wife left not wanting to be second to a servant. I had to lay by him night after night - it was torture. He was a cruel rough man - sometimes I still ….” she shakes her head and looks at the floor. “ I had no choice. It was the only way to free myself of that monster.” She looks up again with hate in her eyes, “I despise that man even in death. I would kill him all over again.”
Harald stands and walks over to her, a slight hesitation in his step. When he pulls her into a hug, he’s relieved when she doesn't pull away. Harald holds her close, that familiar rage returning. If he could, he would bring him back to life to kill him all over again, to avenge her.
Harald kisses the top of her head, “After? You left, traveled until you arrived at Vestfold?”
She shakes her head, “yes. I just wandered and met many kind souls who helped me on the way.”
“Did you lose a child?” He asks softly.
Her lips part, she takes a sharp breath in, “Yes. But, I didn’t want it.” She moves away from him, returning to her pacing. “I didn’t want to carry his child. I begged the gods to take it. I just - I didn’t know how painful it would be for me after...the guilt for the child.”
Harald nods sympathetically. He thinks about his own child and the loss of it. As he almost gets lost in his thoughts, he notices Qena shoving things into a bag.
“What are you doing?”
“If I am to be a prisoner and punished, I only wish to take a few things with me. These are all I have left from my parents, my home.”
Harald grabs her hands and puts the bag down, turning her to face him. “ Qena, I will not let any harm come to you. You have my word.” He places one of her hands over his heart. “Trust me.”
She releases a heavy sigh, he repeats his words. Trust me. Qena closes her eyes, feeling his heartbeat in his chest.
Qena opens her eyes again, meeting his own. “Okay, I'll trust you.”
Harald studies her expression, her eyes. He wishes to lift her pain, to take away all the things that have ever hurt her.
Blinking gently, Harald lowers his head, pressing his lips to hers. Qena welcomes the kiss and holds him tighter.
