Steve Harrington had faced demogorgons, Russian soldiers, and whatever the hell the Mind Flayer counted as—but nothing, absolutely nothing—prepared him for a two-year-old with applesauce on his face.
Your little brother, Oliver, sat on the living room carpet surrounded by blocks, plush toys, and a plastic dinosaur army he had been arranging with very serious concentration. Steve sat cross-legged across from him, elbows resting on his knees, watching the toddler with the same focus he once used when planning how to break into a secret underground lab.
“Okay, little dude,” Steve said, picking up a bright blue block. “Where does this one go? I’m guessing… top of the tower? Very architectural. Very modern.”
Oliver blinked up at him with huge eyes, then plucked the block from Steve’s hand and firmly placed it on the side of the tower, causing the entire thing to wobble dangerously.
Steve froze. “Oh, okay, that works too. We’re doing abstract design. Love that.”
You leaned against the doorway, arms crossed, unable to stop the warmth spreading through your chest. Steve didn’t know you were watching—he was too busy trying to stabilize a block tower that was, by all known laws of physics, seconds away from collapse.
Oliver, giggling, slapped another block on top. The tower immediately crumbled.
Steve gasped dramatically and threw himself backward as if he’d been struck. “Oh no! Disaster! It’s gone! The whole city is destroyed!”
Oliver burst into delighted laughter, clapping his tiny hands. It was a ridiculous scene—you never expected the former King of Hawkins High to throw himself on the floor because a toddler knocked over some blocks.
But here he was, doing exactly that.
You pushed off the doorway and walked in quietly, but Steve noticed you when Oliver crawled into his lap and bounced excitedly. Steve looked up at you with a sheepish smile, his hair slightly tangled from where Oliver had grabbed it.
“Hey,” he said, his voice softening. “Your brother and I are having a very serious architectural meeting.”
“Oh yeah?” you teased, settling down on the carpet beside them. “Looks intense.”
“It is,” Steve said with a nod. “This guy’s a visionary. I mean, look at this.” He pointed at the scattered blocks with a proud dad-like expression. “He’s breaking boundaries.”
Oliver reached out toward Steve’s face, patting his cheeks clumsily. Steve gently held his tiny hand, laughing under his breath.
You felt a tug in your chest. Something deep, warm, and so unexpected you almost leaned away from it. Watching Steve like this—gentle, patient, completely smitten with a toddler who kept mispronouncing his name—it did something to you.
And the worst part? Steve had no idea.
Oliver decided Steve’s hair needed rearranging, so he grabbed a handful and started patting it down in random directions.
“Yep,” Steve said calmly, “that’s… perfect. A new look. I’m trusting the process.”
You covered your mouth to hide your smile. “You’re really good with him.”
Steve shrugged, cheeks flushing slightly. “I like kids. They’re easier than monsters and teenagers. Plus,” he added with a teasing glance your way, “your brother likes me more than Dustin does. That’s a win.”
Oliver leaned his head against Steve’s chest with a sleepy sigh.
Your heart squeezed so hard it almost hurt.
Steve swayed gently, rocking Oliver without even thinking about it. “Guess we played him out,” he whispered.
You nodded, unable to look away. “You’re kind of… amazing with him.”
Steve met your eyes, warmth spreading slowly across his face. “Yeah? You like seeing me like this?”
Your cheeks warmed. “More than I expected.”
His smile softened into something tender, something that made that swelling feeling in your chest double.
“Good,” he murmured. “Because I like being like this with you.”
And as he held your sleepy little brother in his arms, you realized it wasn’t just baby fever.
It was the future—and Steve Harrington fit into it a little too perfectly.
"You love hanging out with your friends, but what do you do when your girlfriend wants to spend the whole day in bed with you?"
warnings - actress!reader, based on an article I saw where Sadie said that her perfect day was staying at home... idk, I really wanted to write to her :)
now playing - Feels like, by Gracie Abrams
"I would do whatever you wanted, we don't have to leave the apartment"
The air was cold, snowflakes falling on the ground in New York only made everything seem even more like a romcom. The jacket on your shoulders kept you warm in just the right way, just watching the rest of the city freeze a little while you waited for your drink to be ready.
Time wasn't something you had lately, with the Stranger Things promotions going on and all the interviews you and your friends had to do, waking up without rushing on a Saturday morning and being able to walk freely to a coffee shop near your house was like a dream come true.
The waitress's voice cut through your thoughts, and murmuring a “Thank you,” you headed for the exit, feeling your phone vibrate in your pants pocket as soon as you pushed the door open.
“Hey, what's up?” Your friendly voice echoed on the other line, a smile on your face when you saw Finn's name on the caller ID.
“Hey, are we still going out today? Celebrate the day off!” The man's voice was a little sleepy, and you were sure that the first thing he did when he woke up was call you.
You took a sip of coffee before answering. “Uh, sure. I just have to talk to Sadie, but I'm sure she remembers.” A laugh was heard on the other line. Gaten.
“If she forgot to tell Sadie, she's dead!” The distant voice made you roll your eyes, stifling a laugh that threatened to escape your lips at your other friend's accusation.
“Relax, I talked to her.” You finally declared.
Finn laughed. “Whatever. See you later.” You said goodbye, your feet involuntarily taking you on the path to your apartment.
The cozy scent of vanilla and mint embraced you when you opened the door, taking off your shoes and jacket before leaving the bags with breakfast on the kitchen counter. As cozy as your space was, it was still small—just a refuge for when you decided to revisit New York—so when you didn't see your girlfriend, you assumed she was still asleep, tired from the hustle and bustle of an artist's life.
On tiptoe, the walk to the bedroom you shared was quick, and you almost sighed when you saw her red hair scattered across the white pillows. Smiling, you approached, crawling to the warm blankets before slipping inside.
Your hands embraced the waist of the woman in front of you—who unconsciously snuggled into your chest—kissing her forehead as you watched her slowly awaken from her sleepy state.
“Good morning, Sink.” The slight hoarseness in your voice made Sadie smile, knowing that your throat was always sore because of the winter air.
“Good morning, babe.” The smile on her face made you smile back, too enchanted by your girlfriend's beauty to feel silly around her.
“I bought breakfast.” Your words came out muffled by the redhead's skin in your arms, your lips too busy kissing every inch of her face.
Laughing, Sadie pushed you away slightly, just so her blue eyes could meet yours. “I know, you made the bed cold.”
“Well, someone had to start the day.” You leaned in, kissing her forehead before pulling away slightly, just to see her with her eyes closed, almost as if she were ready to watch you orbit around her. “We need to go out today...”
The redhead's eyes remained closed, a sound of disapproval coming from her throat as your girlfriend threw her head back onto the pillow. You knew Sadie loved to stay home; in fact, you had learned over the years that there was nothing better for her than the two of you locked up at home all day.
“Come on, babe. They're our friends, and it's almost Christmas.” You tried to convince your girlfriend.
Sadie opened her eyes suddenly, staring at the ceiling as thoughts formed in her newly awakened mind.
“I know, and I love them. But do we really have to?” Her question made you want to laugh, hiding your smile as you tried to scold the girl.
“Sadie...” You tried, but all your girlfriend did was sit up in bed, raising her hands to tuck strands of your hair behind your ears.
“Just think, the two of us, alone, a movie on TV that we're not going to watch.” Her words entered your ears like prayers, the tone of her voice making you melt in less than seconds, her hands—which were now on your neck—trying to break down your walls like a sophisticated bomb, and for a moment you didn't know what to do.
“I... I mean, we don't...” Sadie tilted her head to the right, her blue eyes fixed on you, shining with the sun coming through the windows.
Your words got stuck in your throat, Sadie's eyes hypnotizing you more with every second you spent looking at her, and when she approached you, you knew that this would be the end for you.
Her lips touched yours, your hands traced their own paths toward her waist, and you gave yourself completely to that moment. Her skin was warm, and even though her lips weren't as sweet as usual, they didn't feel bad at all.
They made you sink.
At least until the ring of your phone burst the bubble of love you two had built.
“Shit!” you exclaimed, pulling away from Sadie only to return a second later and steal another quick kiss from her lips.
Grabbing the phone from the nightstand, you answered it—but not before showing Sadie Caleb's name on the caller ID.
“Hey, man.” Sitting up in bed, you put the call on speakerphone, just a tactic to prevent your clever girlfriend from signaling you to cancel your plans with friends while you talked to the McLaughlin boy.
“Are you guys coming or what? Let's have brunch.” Caleb's words made Sadie snort before she threw herself on the bed.
“Yes, we're ready. I'm just waiting for Sadie to comb her hair.” You made up some excuse, putting the phone on the bed before starting to pull your girlfriend off the mattress.
"Oh, cool. We'll wait for you two to start eating, so hurry up." Sadie squirmed in your arms, making you tighten your grip around her, lifting her off the bed and placing her over your right shoulder.
“Yn!” A small yelp escaped the redhead, making you laugh as you set her down on the floor, safe and sound—but still sleepy.
“Are you guys okay?” Caleb asked from the other end of the line, listening to the commotion for a few seconds.
“YES! I mean, yes. I dropped the car keys.” You looked at your girlfriend, pointing to the bathroom in your bedroom.
Sadie rolled her eyes, and as she started walking toward the room, you pulled her back toward you. Your hands grabbed her waist, while her hands landed on your chest. The shorter woman frowned when she saw the smile you were wearing.
“We're going to hurry, Caleb. I'll see you in a few minutes.” You said, not even giving the man a chance to say goodbye properly before hanging up and throwing the phone onto the messy sheets.
“I thought you wanted me to hurry.” Sadie scoffed, arching an eyebrow as she looked at you amusedly.
“All right, Miss Smarty Pants, but you look too pretty in those pajamas for me not to notice.”
Your hands slipped inside her shirt—a shirt she had stolen from your side of the closet—and your lips found hers once again. The kiss lasted only a few seconds, and yet it was as if the whole world had stopped.
“Hurry up, or Finn will call me again, and I don't want to get yelled at Richie Tozier style.” Sadie laughed, leaving one last kiss on your lips before turning away.
“Maybe I want to see you get yelled at,” she said, walking into the bathroom.
“I thought you loved me.” Your voice made her laugh.
“I do love you!”
So, stranger things, huh... Sadie rocked it!
Sorry for being MIA. I've been more active on my other blog, but I promise I'll post some requests that have been gathering dust in my inbox here.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I hope you're all doing well and have a great year ahead.
Plotline: when the party has a party member that’s a little bit on the ditzy side. Or more having air in her head
Info: I lowkey hate when people make air head!readers kinda like childlike… like baby no. Reader is just dumb but mostly wise in their own way like s1 Patrick from SpongeBob bc I love SpongeBob!! Heads up will admires reader a lot.
Genre: headcanons // fluff
Word count: 444
Dustin whose anger issues started up since you are such a ragebaiter before the world even was created.
Will, who literally likes to hear you speak wisely, often when needed. He nods with his full attention on you. Taking notes at the slight change in your expression before you dumb down again.
Sometimes, the frog blinks slowly, which ticks Mike off by snapping his fingers in your face with a sharp, “Focus!” Like god forbid a teenager wanna be dumb for a little
The party has always been defensive when it came to you. Sure you act dumb and wise, always protective and ready to show who you stand for. But jeez they know not to mess with you when you gave a guy a black eye for messing with Will. No one disrespects Will.
Dustin finds you in the weirdest place ever for mankind. Literally found you sleeping in a dryer, a laundry basket, a trash bin. Etc. It’s so weird but it’s so you.
Lucas laughed one time when you tried to shoot the ball only to throw your body instead of the ball. Elite moment ever in his brain.
Will likes to imagine you just giving him more wise quotes you randomly make up so he can use them. Just so he can flex that he knows someone “wise”
Eleven sometimes gives you strange looks when you do something idiotic. You could shock yourself, say “ow” and do it again just for laughs. Eleven knew that wasn’t safe and forced you with your mind to sit down.
You always have a dumb smirk on your face, not a smug one. I’m talking about daydreaming look that looks like you’re far off the planet. But when your face is serious, the crew just knows you thought of something.
Mike practically makes you wear beaded bracelets, so every time you walk closer or farther away the team can hear you and track you down easily.
Will who literally is stuck by your side due to how you wander off a lot. Sure people find it annoying, but he doesn’t cause it’s whenever you wander off. You always found something that someone may like. It’s like a treasure hunt out of nowhere.
Lucas always defends you when the jocks want to make fun of you. Sure you’re a moron. But you’re his moron friend.
Max can’t help but laugh when others are angry, knowing you are just too stupid to even care about others except your former friends.
Joyce laughed when Will tried to explain how you are really wise like him. But Joyce was convinced you weren’t really the smartest in the shed.
𝓼ynopsis : You’d always known you didn’t find much attraction to men. After all, your whole friend group consisted of boys. It would be pretty obvious if you did. You assumed it was because you were young. And even then, you weren’t too keen on trying to find romance anyways. You’d prefer to kill time listening to music while watching your friends’ DND campaigns. But when your friends Dustin and Lucas introduce a redhead to the group, your perception of relationships and sexuality begin to shift.
𝓹airing: max mayfield x fem!reader. 𝓰enre: strangers to friends to lovers, fluff, possible angst.
𝔀arnings: cursing, bad attempt at humor, and possibly more to be added. story will take place from season 2 to season 5. each season will be in acts. will, despite noah, plays a close role in reader’s life. separate work from actor.
taglist is open!
ACT ONE.
prologue. the time will come (wc: 636)
chapter one. madmax (wc: 813)
chapter two. trick or treat, freak (wc: 2090)
chapter three. the pollywog (wc: 1681)
chapter four. the girl on wheels (wc: 1766)
chapter five. dig dug (wc: 2064)
chapter six. the spy (wc: 2839)
chapter seven. the mind flayer (wc: 2632)
chapter eight. the gate (wc: 5947)
INTERMISSION I. (more chapters under cut!!)
chapter i. secret santa (wc: 2287)
chapter ii. the exchange (wc: 1322)
chapter iii. quiet static (wc: 1299)
chapter iv. the self sabotage (wc: 2608)
chapter v. the drunk and the stupid (wc: 4167)
chapter vi. the rekindling (wc: 3534)
chapter vii. a harrington brunch (wc: 2192)
chapter viii. comfortably numb (wc: 1764)
chapter ix. we’ve got tonight (wc: 2628)
chapter x. the safety net (wc: 4229)
ACT TWO.
chapter one. suzie, do you copy? (wc: 4646)
chapter two. the mall rats (wc: 3380)
chapter three. the case of the missing lifeguard (wc: 7480)
chapter four. the sauna test (wc: 5110)
chapter five. the flayed (wc: 11191)
chapter six. e pluribus unum (wc: 5803)
chapter seven. the bite (wc: 8389)
chapter eight. the battle of starcourt (wc: 14838)
✧˚₊‧ sadie loves eating you out after you have a bad day !
SYSTEM REFRENCE: click here (twt link, must log in)
sadie just had this ability to realize when you’ve had a bad day.
she can just sense it— it’s weird but it’s not like you’re complaining about it. you’ve never had the best ability to tell others how you’re feeling, so her having that ability to just tell… it’s a blessing in disguise, because it gets you situations like this.
having you on your back, your right leg up in the air and your left one bend down a little, arching off her shoulder, your back against the couch. sadie refused to even get up from your spot on the couch when she saw those pretty downcasted eyes, those furrowed brows of yours and that clench of your jaw.
your eyes were hazy; all you can feel is her. all you can see is her. all you want is her. and she has no clue just how bad of a day it was before her tongue ended up on your sloppy pussy.
her tongue licks up and down, her left fingers pumping in and out at a consistent pace. she sucks hard, sounds leaving her mouth and vibrating off your clit. “mhm, taste so good f’me baby.”
your back arched off the couch, moans filling the room as she curls her three fingers in your walls, circling your bud before licking down to your hole, swirling her tongue and teasing you.
“s-sadie! ah! ah! oh fuck!” your mind was lost at this point, eyes half lidded and rolling back as your mouth remained open, moans spilling out with no care in the world.
without thinking, your hand shoots down to her hair, threading your fingers into her orange strands. her hair feels like silk in your hands as you try to push it behind her ear, to get a beautiful look at her.
she looks up at you, cheeks flushed as her jaw and hands continue to work, her right hand stuffing itself in the edge of the cushions. “such a pretty pussy… so stressful for what? that pretty little head don’t need to worry ‘bout anything.”
pleasure shoots through your veins as your free hand grabs the back of your thigh, spreading open your leg at the same time she sucks harder on your cunt, nose deep into your folds and your wetness coating her chin. her head went up and down, tantalizingly swirling her tongue on your clitoris.
your voice is wrapped up with exhaustion, pussy fluttering around nothing and your fingers yanking at her ginger hair in helpless need. “sadie! ohhhh, fuck! s’so good… t-too much.” you whimper quietly.
the tips of her fingers touch your g-spot as she goes deeper into your cunt with both her tongue and her fingers and for a split moment; you try to push away from so much stimulation.
sadie whines as much as she grunts as she feels you push away, quickly grabbing your hips and not letting you get away. “shush, don’t run from me, honey… just lemme eat this cunt.”
and before you could deny her (either from stress ruining your mind or just to fuck with her), she split your legs back open and licked away.
click here for main masterlist! 𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃
AUTHOR'S NOTE: grrrrrr, sadie/max, lemme take a bite out of you, now! wrote this as sadie but this is both read as sadie or max. sadie’s bangs go fucking crazy, I luv them so much. also, the link can be for any skin color! also changed my theme, hope yall fuck with it!
thank you for all the support in every way possible! all support is very much appreciated! all content created on this blog is mine, do not copy or sent it through ai!
All characters are envisioned to be more into the last season and all above 18 - May be added to every now and then (Although the mothers can probably be imagined in any season tbf)
wlm + wlw
Caution: Dom Milfs & Bisexual Nancy Wheeler live here <3
Mini Masterlist
Men of ST list here
Updated: 8/15/26
!Audio caution: I find a majority of these clips with audio muted; Apologies for potential cringe audio!
Nancy:
Dom Nancy knows what she's doing(wlw)(strap)
Cowgirl Nancy (gn/wlw caption)
Ok yeah she can take you (PinV)
Well she was supposed to be taking a shower(PinV)
She needs a stress reliever (gn)(clit rubbing)
She's had a long night (wlw)(tit sucking)
Titties titties titties (tit sucking)
Sending you an update from her camping trip(solofem)(toy)
She helps you out with a morning dilemma (wlm)(handjob)
Shy Nancy doesn't want her roommate to know what she's sending you (solo fem)
She's just so pretty (solo fem)(!audio does not match video!)
She just can't stop thinking about you (solo fem)
-pt.2(tit flashing)
Gliding right in (PinV)
She has a few minutes before going to work (solo fem)
I just head canon her as a soft girly 😔 (PinV)
The only time you're glad you have a spring mattress(PinV)
She just loves watching herself (PinV)
Soft girl nance lives in my head 24/7(solofem)(no real nudity just a cute vid to add to the head canon) -pt2
Robin:
Top Robin can hit the spot(wlw)(strap)
If she could live in your chest she would (wlw)(strap)
Bottom Robin at your service(wlw) (mutual heavy petting) -p.2(✂️)
Sleep over at her place!(wlw)(mutual heavy petting/grinding)
Sharing is caring (wlw)(toy sharing)
What was supposed to be an innocent nap together (wlw)(grinding/pu--y tribbing)
Max:
You need to know how much she misses you(solo fem)(pillow princess)
Showing off her new bathing suit(solo fem)(flashing) -pt.2 -pt.3
You like her jiggle (PinV)
She's trying to watch TV but she's also your hot gf(gn/wlw caption)(chest groping)
You miss her body so she sends you a little something (gn)(solo fem/flashing)
Her turn to ride (wlw)(strap)
She came home upset (clit rubbing)
Lazy Monday (PinV)
Literally Max (wlw)(clit rubbing)
You wonder if this is what heaven feels like(PinV)
Tatted Max(solofem)(titties)
You asked what she was 'up to rn' (solo fem)
Karen:
Pov Karen gets bored and you happen to be there (wlm) (handjob)
She likes watching you squirm(wlm) (heavy petting)
How she eats her dinner (wlw)(oral)(close up)
You were a little bad tonight(wlw)(light clit slapping)
Top Karen is slow and sensual (wlw)(grinding)
She would def work those tats (solo fem)(lingerie vid)
She needs her personal bath time (solo fem)
She noticed how squirmy you've been(wlm)(handjob)(semi public??(pretty public tbh))
Her one piece looked too good on her (PinV)
Joyce:
The wake up call she deserves (gn)(tit sucking)
You love how soft she is (gn) (chest groping)
She likes taking care of her bby (wlw)(oral)
Couldn't even reach the bed (PinV)
She can't wait for you to come visit again (solo fem)(lingerie vid)
"It well may be, that we will never meet again in this lifetime. So, let me say before we part: so much of me, is made of what I learned from you. You'll be with me, like a handprint on my heart. And now whatever way our stories end. I know you have re-written mine, by being my friend."
summary: goodbyes had never been your strong suit, you had always been the sort to cling so tightly to anything that mattered to you. this habit seemed to only grow following your life changing the day your friend will byers went missing. four years of panic, fear of the unknown, and partaking in a battle that was too big to be your own. it didn't come without scars, physical ones && the deep rooted emotional ones. but finally after so long everything is calm again. the chaos had dulled, and you were set to graduate from high school - graduate and say goodbye to your home, to your friends, and most importantly to the boy you'd loved in ways you'd never understand. even if he'd never figured it out.
content warnings: i suppose SEASON FIVE SPOILERS is a given. angst. perceived unrequited feelings. heartbreak. reader is not grieving properly. reader is described having permanent proof of the battle against vecna. mention of el. reader is written as black, but is vague enough for all to enjoy. mention of max & reader friendship. reader is described as salutatorian. party angst, like a lot of it - open ending.
author's note: well what can i say after ten long years stranger things is officially over. i do not know how to feel, but i suppose the wailing i did last night as it premiered is a good gauge of my emotional level. i am in a weird place of elated and devastated and i decided to put all these feelings into writing for once. it's been a while since i've written on tumblr, so i pray this actually makes it into the tags and doesn't die in the ether. mike wheeler & eleven hopper, you deserved so much better than this. omg.
still, i hope you all enjoy.
There were t-minus three hours until her childhood wrapped up. Three hours left before she crossed the stage, obtained her diploma and went on about her life. A life that would be sending her to New Hampshire to attend Dartmouth University. It wasn't like she hadn't known for a while that it was on its way, that it was even in the cards, acceptance letters had pooled in like water over the last six months.
Still, the idea of leaving Hawkins behind and starting college was nothing in comparison to the reality that in one more day she'd be packing all her boxes into the back of a moving truck and hitting the road. Saying goodbye to her old bedroom, to the things that had made her who she was for the last seventeen years.
Top of the World by Carpenters was spilling from her radio, compliments of Robin, who'd arrived back in Hawkins for the kids' their graduation. And she sat laid out on her bed, her outfit for graduation and the bright orange gown and cap were hung up by her closet. Her eyes were stuck on the ceiling, memories she couldn't run from playing behind her eyes every time she so much as blinked.
It had been eighteen months, a long time in some respects - not long enough in others. Eighteen months of what many deemed as normalcy, no more military - no more demos - no more supernatural bull crap. They'd returned to their lives, back to school - extracurriculars as if the last four years had just been an eerie figment of their imagination. But she knew that it hadn't been. It was real and she felt like she was the only one who felt the weight.
Robin, Nancy, Jonathan had all left. College had taken them in separate directions. Steve became a coach - baseball, which in hindsight made perfect sense. And he was halfway through a Bachelor's to teach - which made even more fucking sense. Hop was Chief of Police again, it had taken some convincing, but the fact remained Hawkins, whilst unaware knew there was more to the story than just an earthquake.
That stability brought Hopper and Joyce and by proximity Will into a better situation. No longer across town from one another - the Byers were no longer squeezing into spaces that were much too tight at the Wheeler's place. They were a family - Will had a dad that was worth a shit and she was happy for him, all of them. They fit, they made sense.
Lucas and Max were nauseatingly in love. And though she often made little quips about how obsessed they were with one another, she knew it was more than earned. She didn't know where life would take them - if they'd go to school or just enjoy a year of peace before they decided, but there was no real rush. Max was back and she was better - it had taken her a year to get out of that chair, and she needed glasses now because her eyes had never quite fully recovered, but Lucas was there - through it all. Even more in love than before it seemed.
And she loved that for them, because Lucas had been her friend since at the latest the second grade. And Max was her friend - her best friend. So though there was this gaping hole in her chest and this ache in her gut over what had went down that day, she swallowed that and kept a smile. She acted normal, she "moved on" and lived her life.
Because the last thing anyone needed was someone blaming them for being able to. How could she take it out on them that she was still stuck, still down in the Upside Down in her head?
She couldn't, so she didn't. She shut up and kept it all to herself. It was why she was currently rotting in bed instead of seizing the day. It was why she hadn't told her friends about Dartmouth, it was why she hadn't said anything about leaving so soon. Campus would be shut down for three months, which should have meant that she'd be around - that they'd all be around to celebrate their last summer together.
But it hurt too much, so like a coward she planned to run.
"[YOUR NAME], answer the phone! It's for you! It's Max!" and the sound of her younger sister - the familiar crack in her voice as she hollered makes something in her chest clench. She's slow to move, slow to pull herself out of her spiraling head until finally she does, she gets up and shuffles from her bedroom and down the hall, down the stairs and to the landline. "Took you long enough, I've been calling you for fifteen minutes." she snips and she holds out the phone like it's such a burden.
"Don't be dramatic." [ YOUR NAME ] clips back, taking the phone from the twelve year old before bringing up to her ear. "Max?" she says quietly, leaning against the counter as the solace of her bedroom is split in two from her space in the kitchen. Her siblings, running around - her parents trying to wrangle them. The oven permeating the house with the smell of what would likely be lunch after the ceremony.
Her extended family, the ones who'd flown in like bats out of hell were fussing over minute details, some watching tv, the women cooing over old photospreads from back when she was just a little girl, a baby really.
"Hey, I'm glad you picked up." and Max's tone is featherlight, like somehow amidst the false pretenses and fake smiles she knew that her friend was a ticking time bomb, something unfairly delicate. "You've been like a ghost these days-" and she knows it's meant to be a joke, just Max being Max, but she doesn't laugh. Instead her hold on the phone tightens hard enough that it has the palms of her hands singing.
"What is it, Max?" and she wasn't usually impatient, no- out of the entire party most of them would come together and agree that [YOUR NAME] was usually anything but. She wasn't a push over by any means, but she was level headed - she kept things together. She for lack of better words had been a fine glue that had been stitching them together for as long as they'd allowed her to.
And in the last few months, though quietly, that stitching had begun to fray. Which was why Max was even calling - why she'd mentioned it - why there was a feeling of dread in the outer corners of her mind. Because they'd all noticed it - how she'd clung so tight, kept her composure when it happened and then over time slowly started fading away. They didn't talk about it, mostly because how could they?
You couldn't address something if you weren't even 100% sure it even existed. And [YOUR NAME] had always been the best deflector.
Hands down.
"I just-" and Max exhales into the receiver. "Lucas wanted to know if you were riding with?" she offers, hopeful that she'd accept it and they'd cram into that stupid beamer Lucas had gotten from his parents at seventeen that he and Steve Harrington wouldn't shut up about. "It'd be kind of fun, right? Like old times?" and no, it wasn't Max's fault that all her turns of phrase today were sending [YOUR NAME] deeper and deeper down her spiral. Because saying things like old times as if anything had been the same since 1986 was laughable.
"Uh, no." definite, unwavering. "I think I'm just gonna go on my own. Lots of driving in my future, might as well get a head start, right?" and it was as close to light hearted as she'd been in a while, except Max doesn't laugh.
"Yeah, I guess so, but you've got all summer to practice driving."
Friends Don't Lie was a stupid ass saying. She'd always thought that, because by and by the truth chipped away at what was once so sacred. All people did was lie. They lied about their feelings, they lied about moving on, about how life gets better, and how hurt doesn't last forever. They lied about boyfriends and the depths of their feelings for friends and enemies alike. And they certainly lied about leaving for school.
Or maybe that was just her.
"Yeah, I guess so, but I just think it'd be better if I came on my own." she pivots and her eyes drift to the clock, time slowly ticking downward, pushing her closer to the bitter end. There's a beat, a moment of too tense silence on the phone, Max not replying and [YOUR NAME] doing something just shy of disassociating.
"Is everything okay?" Max finally asks and it feels heavy, like she'd been wanting to ask it for a while. "Cause you know you can talk to me-"
"I don't really need to talk, but I do have to go. I'll see you at the ceremony, Max." and with that she's slamming the phone down with a harsh clang. About three seconds pass where she debates calling back, Max didn't deserve her misguided aggravation. It wasn't Max's fault she was spinning and it wasn't anyone else's fault that she was lying. She weaves through the much too packed house, all fake smiles and knowing head nods as varying relatives offered early congratulations.
She shuts the door to her bedroom, not in a slam but softly. She wanted to be invisible for just a bit longer. Though instead of going back to bed rot she walks towards her desk - it was mostly cleaned up by now, all her favorite knick knacks and posters, pictures and memories all stuffed into a box by the door so when she packed it all up she could replicate it at school. 28 damn hours away.
Her graduation speech is still out, along with some old sticky notes and a picture of the party. All of them. She's already crying before she can stop it, dragging her shoulder across her cheek in a quick swipe to keep the tears from spilling further. It's not an easy feat, because with every swipe more tears replace it until finally she's settling down into the chair and picking up the frame, fingers slowly brushing over the photograph.
Her. Mike. Lucas. Dustin. Max. Will. and El.
Photos like that were rare and now they were obsolete. Because El was gone, despite everything. Despite how they'd won. How they'd taken down Vecna, defeated the Mind Flayer like true heroes, she was gone. She didn't want to blame El - she couldn't ever possibly blame her, not for this. But the fact remained that her absence was a chasm. One she was still struggling to cross even eighteen months later.
No one would know the depths of her bravery, how again and again she'd put herself on the line for the sake of this town. How she'd loved her friends so fiercely, protected them, bled and cried for them - and in the end sacrificed her hope for something better for them. Flashes of the night, her horrible ending often plagued her. She'd heard again and again that it wasn't her fault - that El didn't blame her and she couldn't blame herself, but it wasn't that simple.
She remembered bits and pieces of Dimension X. How her particular bond with Eleven and Will and her acting role as after school TA with the younger kids had got her roped up into the madness. And boy was it not any fun being on the other side of it. She had been used to for years being part of the planning and saving the day - but now here she was an extra factor - a piece to a puzzle that even now made no sense.
And El had saved her and it'd cost so much. Too much in her opinion.
But it was like everyone else had managed to make it okay in their minds. There weren't any more pauses in the air - or the feeling that came from something being missing. It was like there was no scar, no scab, nothing but the lapse of time. She had wondered why she hadn't gotten over it yet, why it'd been so long and she was still so damn stuck. But the fact of the matter was, she knew why.
She just didn't want to accept it.
She wipes at her face, knowing full well the hell she'd be in for if she got ready for graduation with swollen eyes and tear streaks. Four years to most wasn't much - but in the same breath it was like a lifetime and whether she went on without ever realizing it, the fact remained that [YOUR NAME] had been in more ways than once changed immensely because she'd had a friend like El.
El, who without saying much seemed to always know just enough. That never judged her or brushed her off. Who'd brighten like a streetlight when [YOUR NAME] would come through the doors of Hopper's cabin and stay put until Hopper lost his mind. They'd been great friends, best friends. And now everything just felt so heavy. Was it fair for her to move on? To leave Hawkins and be happy? To grow old and fall in love, have a family and push the nightmare from her mind?
She doesn't have time to ponder on that, because her mother is knocking on the door. "Sweetheart, start getting ready! I want to get some pictures of you in your cap and gown!" and there's a squeal to her words, genuine excitement. Her mother was more or less ignorant to the Upside Down. Her father too, they'd been separated - out of the loop for good reason. It kept them safe, unharmed.
But sometimes she wished she'd talked to them, because maybe they'd understand her heartache - her grief - and her guilt. And they could help her understand it too.
"Alright!" she hollers back and she hears the click clack of her mother's pumps hitting the hardwood as she trails away. Already dressed and ready to go, likely the picture of peaking 90s beauty.
[YOUR NAME] stands slow, heading towards her closet where her outfit hung. A satin slip dress, for her mother's sake in ivory like she was going to a goddamn wedding. The only solace came from the fact that it didn't touch the ground and instead stopped above her knees. It doesn't take long to shower and change and allow her mother to touch up her hot press and do her makeup. She looked so grown by the end of it. All traces of the young girl she clung to wiped away in a second.
You look so beautiful. Different variations of it filled her ears from the second she'd put on her shoes and walked down the stairs. And it's easy to go through the motions too, slip on her gown with the big green words SALUTATORIAN down one side and smile in the photos. Shoulders back, head up, eyes bright like today was a good day. Because it was, it had to be. Because it was the last day.
And then before long she's heading out the door with a kiss to her mother's cheek, reminding her father that they have to get there early if they want good seats. The drive to Hawkins High School is one without much thought - no music, no whistling or humming. Just the quiet pass of the neighborhood she'd grown up in, the sounds of the street as Hawkins pressed on. Business as usual - though many cars and yards had placards congratulating the graduating class on their achievement.
Dustin's the first face she sees once she's parked, keys in one hand and her cap in the other. "[YOUR NICKNAME]!" and he says it like it's the first time he's seen her in forever and maybe before it would be odd, but the fact of the matter was Max hadn't been entirely off when she'd mentioned that she'd been a bit of a ghost. Still, she tightens her grip on the cap, plastering that same phony ass smile on her face and meeting Dustin halfway to hug him as if she'd never see him again.
"Can you believe we're actually here?" it's the first question he asks when they pull back, hands steady on each other's arms as they smile like dopes and stay so damn close. "Fucking graduation, are you kidding me?" and he breathes like it's hitting him square in the chest.
"I know. I feel like just yesterday we were kids and now-" and she trails off, smile faltering just slightly.
"We're not kids anymore." he supplements and it's cliche, but it's the truth, because they hadn't... and they hadn't been in a long time. Still, she doesn't know where to go from that, so instead she just hugs him again, because this was Dustin. Dustin, who had always been around - who had never judged her for anything. Not her big personality or her self assuredness or the fact she had been in love with their best friend for years and had never said anything like a coward.
He hugs her though, because of course he does. She's sure if it wasn't for Principal Higgins calling for his 'top two' the hug likely would've continued. Still, they're parting with a shared laugh, the kind that fills the space but never turns stale or awkward. And then Dustin is holding out an arm saying something dorky like 'After you, my lady!" and she's accepting it and falling back into this space of being okay, even for a second. Transported back to a time when they were much smaller.
When grief was something far from her, far from both of them.
Still, the moment of normal vanishes just as quickly as it arrives the second the field starts to fill with people. Parents, siblings, extended relatives and a sea of empty chairs waiting to be filled by the class of 1989. When the Graduation March begins, she stands to her feet in between Dustin and other faculty as the students file onto the field before finding their seats. Her eyes catch Lucas first, like clockwork and he smiles despite the crack in the party she was responsible for.
It only serves to make her feel worse, because much like with Dustin, it was hard to play tough once they were in her face - or in Lucas' case, just in her general vicinity. She clasps her hands in front of her as they settle into their seats, her stomach twisting at the thought of speaking As Salutatorian it was her responsibility to give the opening remarks and Dustin, as Valedictorian would close the ceremony once everyone got their diplomas.
Before long Principal Higgins walks to the podium with a rehearsed ease. "Good Afternoon, everyone, and welcome to the graduation ceremony for the class of '89." he benedicts. The crowd erupts into applause, most of them already checked out and [YOUR NAME] couldn't blame them. So much rested on the other side of this day. Principal Higging continues with his speech, spewing a load of crap she's sure he's said at every graduation since he'd started.
And then he's introducing her and before she realizes it she's walking to the podium. Her steps are slow, like she was being held down by something. Maybe she was, metaphorically. The microphone spits out feedback once she's close, her breath echoing through the speaker as she takes a step back and swallows the sudden need to vomit.
Her hands feel clammy all of a sudden and everything she'd written goes right out her head. She breathes deep, eyes skimming the crowd and she feels like she's swallowed a tack when she spots Mike.
Michael Wheeler, who she'd been crushing hard on since the fifth grade. Mike, who she'd in the same breath been avoiding for about four months. Not in the intentional ways, just in the quiet ways. Mostly because he'd be the hardest to say goodbye to, but pre-existing distance seemed to always make the wound of saying goodbye forever hurt so much less. She can see Hop heading back towards the bleachers. She sees his mom embrace him once and then again.
And then Principal Higgins is hissing at her to speak so she does.
"Um-" and she clears her throat, blinking once, twice, a third time. "Good Afternoon." she greets again. "I got to be honest, I don't know how often I dreamed about standing here." and then she snorts, looking over her shoulder - "But usually in those dreams I was in Henderson's spot and deep down I still feel like we were neck in neck as far as grade point averages go." she jokes, the most light-hearted that she'd been in a while. And it garners genuine laughter, which is a win.
Her heart settles just slightly.
"But, um- I just wanted to say: you're going to hear a lot of congratulations today. Some who are just saying it because it's polite, some who are saying it because they never got the chance to be in this position, and some who don't really give a damn either way." and she shuffles from foot to foot. "So I figured we'd start this off right by you hearing it from someone who was on the ground with you."
She keeps her eyes on the podium, her nerves spiking back up. "Congratulations, we did it. We accomplished something that was twelve years in the making, one of the first major early milestones of our lives. High School is not forever, though at times it really can feel that way." and she licks over her drying lips. "Like- never-ending."
She taps her fingers against the podium, eyes finally skimming across the crowd again and she smiles faintly when her eyes catch Will. "But in reality, High School is just a moment in time - it's a blip - a tiny compilation of moments that down the line won't feel as long. In your thirties, forties, and fifties you'll have experienced so much life so many moments that you might even struggle to remember all of this - at least in the same capacity." she continues.
"And one day you'll wake up and you'll have been out of high school a lot longer than you were ever in it and believe it or not you'll miss it." and she hates that she already knows she's about to cry. But she's certainly not the only one. "Every single last one of you completed the ultimate act of commitment. You committed to putting in the work, to pushing yourselves, to finishing what began when you started your freshman year and in spite of how hard it was, you did it. Be proud of that."
"Most of you guys know me." she begins, shoulders squaring. "Mostly because throughout high school I could never sit down long enough to just become an island." she starts slow, hands shaking as she looks down at the podium. "Cheer, Robotics Club, Honor Society, Student Council, Debate club - and wow the more I list these out the more I realize I never shut the hell up-" and at that the audience laughs, another win.
"My point is that High School is the start, the beginning of the rest of our lives and despite the parts that make it hard - the heartaches - the challenges - there's so much good that comes out of being able to look back and see that you did it. That against all odds you did this. High School is not the end, not by a long shot - there is so much life to be lived. So much more on the other side of this. So whether you made it through with As or Ds, take this and run with it, make a choice to live."
"Wherever your future takes you, however far or close - choose to live. To take every day as the chance to expound on what you've already started. You've made it this far, what else is there to do but to keep trucking? To keep racking up successes, because you owe it to yourselves to be proud of the life you live. You owe it to yourselves to take a life that you want for yourselves, a life you deserve to live."
The amount of misty eyed students and parents isn't lost on her, and it's precisely why she doesn't wipe her tears. "I thought about a lot while I dreamed up this speech. I thought about the uncertainty of freshman year, how things felt so different and so much scarier than Elementary and Middle School. Not knowing the hacks of how to make getting through this easier - like not carrying all your books to class at once. Or not using the bathroom by the gym because it's always fucked - even when it's not." she tsks and the other graduates all laugh.
"I thought about Sophomore year - being on the other side of the panic. Watching the new Freshman come in and not being so scared anymore. Friendships in the most unlikely forums being built because all of us were just so glad that we weren't the fucking new kids anymore."
And some of the kids, the clear representations of these words look at each other with watery smiles.
"I thought about junior year - being an upperclassmen, those privileges, the trips - the parties - the later curfews - the parties - the relationships that really stuck. The cars we all suddenly could drive, which was madness because Hawkins Traffic is bullshit." and then she winces, when she realizes how much she's begun to curse.
"And then I thought about Senior year and how it felt like being a freshman all over again. Three years down and yet so much we still didn't know. So much more expectation waiting behind every choice we made. And how quickly it flew by, all these moments we fantasize about since we're small. Homecoming, Prom, Senior Ditch Day, Grad Parade, cramming for exams and being elated when you looked around and saw that so many of the people you started high school with are leaving alongside you." and her eyes catch Max, who's bleary eyed.
And it hits her close then, how royally fucked up her decision to waste her last few months with her friends being distant was.
"No one ever likes saying goodbye - and this one it's a big one." and she huffs out a laugh. "The one thing I hate the most about saying goodbye is how uncertain it makes you feel. How do you approach saying goodbye when they're all so different, right? Some are for a day, some are for a week - some months and years, but some - and those seem to be the ones that sting the most - are the goodbyes that last forever." she wipes her face.
"Forever in itself is hard to wrap my head around - because it's like - hey, I'm never going to see you again, and that's it." and she scoffs. "Feels so incomplete, right? And that's what goodbyes are - they are incomplete and you can never guess how long they'll last - how meaningful the dynamic will be once it's out of your grasp. But that's life sometimes. Some of us are gonna leave after today and never look back and that's okay-" [YOUR NAME] says with a nod.
"But don't forget this - don't let the bad stuff harden you so much that you forget the good in between. So to my fellow graduates, today, whilst the end of your high school careers is the opportunity for the beginning of the rest of your lives. Don't waste it." and she sniffles, "Uh, with that class of '89, onwards and upwards! Congratulations!"
The rest of the ceremony goes by quickly, though the fact remained she'd zoned out the second she'd gotten her diploma in her hand. Still, Dustin's speech pulled her out of her head and despite the aghast expression of the faculty and Principal Higgins, she'd cheered him on just like the rest of them, and once the confetti started - the die was cast.
"You're a mad man, you're an absolute mad man!" it was Mike's first words once he, Lucas, and Will had made it over to her and Dustin, his hands landing on the boy's shoulders as the boys bum rush into a group hug. Despite her best attempts to stay out of it, she'd become dog piled before she could help it. Once the madness had calmed down and the weight of the day had settled - she found herself walking in step with Mike. Stacey Albright had invited them to a party, and while it was clear she was interested in Dustin, Mike had other plans.
More nostaglic plans.
Now, they were heading towards her car, her heels in his hand as they tried with all their might to get away from their mothers before they had them pose for any more photos. "It was a good speech." he says out of nowhere, her eyes jumping to him in surprise. "Your- your speech - your opening speech. It was good." he reiterates as her body relaxes, but only slightly. She smiles, awkward but appreciative.
"Thanks." and silence befalls them.
It was in moments like this where the cracks seemed to show. They used to not be so awkward, but now it was like the second they were alone they forgot how long they'd been friends - how close they used to be. "Uh, hey, can we talk?" he finally says as the silent stretches longer. [YOUR NAME] turns her body to face him and nods.
"Sure, yeah - of course." and tripping up over her words around him was new, an unpleasant side effect of so much.
"We're friends, right? B-Best friends, we're best friends aren't we?" he asks and her eyebrows press inward, posture stiffening at such a loaded question.
"Of course, Mike." she says - confusion evident all on her face, he was holding her heels for her like he did when they were younger and she was tired of trying to look so grown up in her heels. He never complained about it - never. He just did it, did whatever she asked without much pushback because that was the sort of friend he was. He stares at her then, not like he doesn't believe her, but like something heavy was sitting on his chest that he wanted to.
"Good." he finally replies, his shoulders relaxing. "I don't want that to change." he says truthfully, a surprise but she doesn't know why it is. It shouldn't be. They'd always been just that.
"It won't." she tries in a reassuring manner, and he doesn't look convinced.
"I just mean- everything you said about goodbyes." he starts off unsure, "I just want you to know that even if that's us, if we're the forever goodbye, you can still look back and think of us - of me - as part of the good times." he explains loosely and her expression slackens just slightly.
"Why would we be the forever sort of goodbye?" she asks quietly.
He offers her a knowing look that makes her chest tighten. "Just- just hypothetically speaking." he offers and she's not so convinced. "I just- things have been different lately, I know that, and things aren't gonna be the same as they used to be, I see that now." and he turns until he's fully facing her too. "But in spite of that I want to be part of that good for you. All of us, the party - everyone." he says plainly.
Her nose twitches, a breathy huff leaving her as her eyes well up. "You are, Mike, of course you are." she says in something just shy of a duh tone. And he looks like he wants to say more and something in his eyes tells her that he knows, that he knows she's leaving - that tonight was it, despite all they'd planned - all they'd hoped for one final summer. But he never says anything - he never blows her up and makes her face it. Instead he just smiles, and with a watery smile of his own he keeps walking towards her car.
☆☆☆☆☆☆★
The night goes on, the group of six find themselves in the Wheeler Basement once again, playing DND like old times. The stakes high and all of their nerves shot from what felt like an inevitable defeat. They were an hour over when they said they'd be done, and Mike was well into the game. All of their characters had been knocked off, save for her and Will. And as the campaign, their last for what felt like a while trickled to an end, the group found themselves cheering at their victory.
The Mage of St. Markovia bein summoned to save them from the clutches of Strahd von Zarovich. For the first time, in a long time - [YOUR NAME] feels lighter, her laughter was real and there was a lightness to her countenance she hadn't felt in a long long time.
"The misty gloom that shrouds the village of Barovia evaporates, and you are met with cheers from the townsfolk." Mike closes up the game, their focus shifting back to him like oral scripture. "In honor of your courage and bravery, they give you medals, and you are all awarded 1,000 pieces of gold each. Flush with wealth and honor you live out the rest of your lives in comfort and happiness." Mike continues. "The end."
"Great Campaign." Lucas cheers as the group offer applause.
"Good campaign, buddy!
"Great campaign!"
The boys all reiterate as [YOUR NAME] who had her knees curled up to her chin looks to Max, who was shaking her head in denial. "Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. That's it?" she demands in disbelief. "comfort and happiness? Could you be more trite?" she tsks as Lucas and [YOUR NAME] share a look of surprise. "I thought you were some kind of master storyteller or something." Max adds as the group all look to Mike to see his reply to her dig at his abilities.
Mike though, doesn't take the bait. He laughs, though his face falls in such a fast precession that it changes the feel of the room. His lips twist to the side for a moment, eyes falling on Max. "Well, it is true." he starts off softly. "The comfort and happiness part. But happiness can be found in many places." Mike continues. "The Knight and the Zoomer, they retire from battle, and they settle down in a small village."
And something about it feels so definite, so much bigger than the game that [YOUR NAME] doesn't find a hint of surprise in her when she starts to tear up. Mostly because Mike had always been a good storyteller and one thing about it, when he said it - in many ways it often came true. "With each passing day, their love grows stronger." Lucas looks to Max, and she's tearing up, chin wobbly as she smiles over at him. He takes her hand in his and it feels like an acceptance.
"The bard, craving knowledge makes his way to the Mage's Guild of Enclave." Mike says as he looks over at Dustin. "Where he spends his days in their vast library. Though deeply devoted to his studies... he still makes time for the occasional adventure." and as he says it the room seems to settle as reality hits. Things were changing - they always would, and times like these, moments of just them - here - safe in this basement that had held them and their adventures for years would dwindle. Farther and fewer in between.
"As for Will the Wise, he travels far and long to the bustling city of Vallaki. It's overwhelming at first. So very different from the village where he spent his youth. But it isn't long before he finds his place there and with that deep happiness and acceptance."
He turns to [YOUR NAME] then, his features softening in a way she'd never seen them before. "And the fighter, well she gets a new start," he exhales as she lets out an almost worry filled - albeit sheepish laugh - "After years of protecting her friends, she, no longer scared of the unknown finds a new path in a land far away. A different path, where she can do and be all the things she'd maybe been too scared to do and be before." he begins and it feels like a gut punch.
"Knowing that her friends are safe now is a thought she carries with her as she moves onto the next adventure - searching for knowledge and new experiences. It's there that she's able to live, really live. She takes a piece of her friends with her and she keeps them close to her heart though they're now spread far and wide. She finds a place there. A better place where no burdens and guilt and sorrow can follow her. There, she experiences all the things she'd always hoped for but had never allowed before." he continues, voice still soft.
"And though time presses on and her new life keeps her from her old one, she knows that in spite of the distance, that nothing would diminish the love she has for her friends and the love they have for her too. She becomes a creator of great things, using her skills to build and to invent to fill the world with something intangible. Something only she can give it." and she has to look away when a full sob threatens to break through.
The entire table - save for Mike - is holding back tears, tears that only continue when he tells them what becomes of The Storyteller and the Mage. 'The Mage you saw die was not real. She was an illusion' he'd said, and the entire room shifted with the weight. "Where did she go?" Max had asked.
"No one knows. No one will ever know... but I'd-I'd like to imagine that she'd in a beautiful land, somewhere far away." he explains truthfully. [YOUR NAME] brushes away her tears and finds that she wants to believe it too. So she will.
"How do we know it's true?"
"We don't. Not for sure. But I choose to believe that it is."
The moment settles and for a moment, they all just sit there. Teary eyed and ruminating on a hope that El made it out and lived. That she found peace, that she was alive and okay.
After a moment, [YOUR NAME] swipes at her face, eyes more than swollen as she stands up with a start. "Um, I have something for you guys." she says as she goes to her bag. Digging through it she pulls out envelopes. Walking back to the table she sits again and passes them out - each with their name written in her handwriting with a doodle in the space around it. "And, uh - before you all freak this is not a Flayed situation-" she says with an awkward laugh that they all match.
She clears her throat, "I just-" and she inhales. "I've been beating myself up all day." she admits. "I just woke up, really angry about everything. Graduation, moving on - us-" and she motions to the group. "Saying goodbye, going from this to something else. Something less important." and she's crying again.
"But it wasn't until graduation that I realized that I hadn't helped that - that I was part of that problem. I was adding onto it, giving space for us to drift apart." and she exhales shakily. "And I really don't want to drift apart."
"We'll never drift apart." Will tries to reassure and she shakes her head.
"Yes, we will." she denies. "Not on purpose - never on purpose - because we love each other too much, but over time life will change and the truth is things are going to be different and I was scared and I thought that maybe if I pushed you all away that I could avoid the hard part. The saying goodbye part. But I was wrong and I don't want to leave tonight knowing that I won't be here tomorrow." and she wipes her face again.
"Uh, I got into Dartmouth." she finally admits and she huffs. Though instead of some sort of anger, surprise, shock - she sees her friends staring back at her as if they'd known all along - as if they'd expected this. "I leave tomorrow afternoon." she adds much quieter, hands wringing as she looks down at her lap.
"I know, I was so selfish and I got everyone's hopes up thinking we'd have summer and I guess I just- I was scared. I'm still scared. I just- I thought we'd have more time and now goodbye is literally right here-" and before she can say anymore she's being met with a hug. And it was such a corny habit her friends had, a dogpile, a group hug that seemed to always make her melt. First it's Max, then Will, then Dustin, Lucas, and the hug is the sort that feels like everything would be alright.
"Goodbye or not, it won't be forever." Lucas is the first to say anything. "Not for us. We've been friends forever and a little bit of distance won't change that."
"Yeah, we'll always be friends. It doesn't matter how it looks."
"It doesn't matter how far we all go. We're always gonna be friends - whether you're in Hawkins or at Dartmouth." Max mutters plainly. "We don't just give up on each other because of some distance. Will things be different? Yes, but we've dealt with a lot more than just college-"
And the boys, save for Mike, all voice their agreement. And despite it all, she finds her eyes on Michael, who was sitting at the table - face such a blank canvas. He was good at that, keeping his composure amidst all chaos. Still, when they lock eyes, he doesn't look at her like he's angry or upset - and she feels the weight dissipate.
Go figure.
"Guys! What's going on? The lasagna's getting cold." Karen's voice calls down the steps, all six kids turning to look at the top of the basement.
"Yeah, we just finished. We'll be right up!" and the moment fizzles - back to reality. They all clear away their tears, sniffling and trying to garner a semblance of their self control back. One by one they set the group sets their binders up, taking their letters from her in their hands, save for [YOUR NAME] who stays there seated on the floor. Max leaves first, then Lucas, Dustin, and Will - leaving only her and Mike down in the basement. He stands but doesn't rush her.
"So earlier, when you asked about goodbyes... you knew?" she asks quietly, and he turns to her, holding her binder out to her with a nod.
"It wasn't exactly like your family was on the same page about keeping it a secret." he admits. "Your mom told my mom, who assumed I knew." he continues as she grasps the binder. At that she blows a breath, of course. "You didn't have to hide it." he tells her gently enough.
"I thought I was doing something wrong." she admits sleeve dragging over her nose. "I still do, deep down. It doesn't feel fair - just moving on - going about our lives as if everything's normal." she grips the binder tightly.
"Maybe it won't ever feel fair." he admits. "I don't think it will, but that's the thing about caring about someone. Loving someone." he reiterates. "I don't think you stop just because they're gone. I think it's about how you carry them, what comes after the loss." he adds with a deep inhale. "And just because things change doesn't mean how you feel about them does. It doesn't mean they matter less or that the feelings they brought you are gone." he says solemnly.
"Is this for me or for yourself?" she asks quietly.
"Maybe both." he replies with a purse of his lips. "You didn't have to hide it." he says again, "I really wish you hadn't."
At that she nods in understanding. "I'm sorry I did. I wasted so much time. I tried really hard to make it hurt less, but-" and her hand comes up to her chest. "Being alone only made it hurt more - not having El - not having you-" and then she falters. "Any of you... it was just like - like no matter how hard I tried to accept that she had decided, all I could think about was failing her. I should've done more, planned more, been smarter. Figured out how to guarantee her safety. But I didn't."
And Mike understood the feeling, because he'd been feeling it tenfold.
"I get it now." she says as she wipes at her face. "It's not my fault and I put a lot of pressure on myself - carried a lot of guilt about anything happening to any of you. Even to my own detriment." and she snorts. "And maybe that's how we ended up in this situation - me trying to save the day - and needing to be saved." she shrugs with a dry laugh.
"But, you know what. I do believe that she made it out." she says, though her chin trembles and her eyes water all over again despite her efforts. "And she's happy." and she shrugs at her face again to clear the tears. With that she stands and sets her binder up on the shelf.
MAX. LUCAS. DUSTIN. WILL. [YOUR NAME].
She brushes her fingers over the spine, sniffling slightly as she soaks it in. Who knew when she'd be in this basement again. Mike was still planted in his previous spot, eyes locked on her when she turns around to look at him. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Yeah, of course." he agrees as he stands, moving to place his .
"The storyteller." she says quietly. "I don't know if I'm okay with his ending." she admits quietly.
"What's wrong with it?"
"N-Nothing's wrong with it. I just- I want to know what else there is." she admits as she wraps her arms around herself. "I know he writes about the adventures of his friends - the mage - everything... the adventures they faced ... but does he ever see them again once they part ways? Does he get a happy ending outside of just... self-inflicted solitude? Telling the stories for everyone else but never having any more of his own?"
Mike falters by the shelf, setting his binder down beside hers. In truth, he had no real answer for that. Who could really say?
He pivots to look at her slightly. "I'd like to believe so." he says quietly. "Someday." he agrees lowly. "After sharing all he could about the people that mattered most to him, he was able to find something new to live for." and [YOUR NAME] nods slowly and before she can help it she's crossing the basement towards him and they're hugging. And it had never been more clear that this was goodbye.
"I think I'd like to believe that too."
☆☆☆☆☆☆★
[ DEAR, YOUR NAME ]
When the letter came she hadn't expected it, eighteen months had passed and her Junior year of College was on the horizon. Despite her fears, the party hadn't changed much. Yes, the distance between them was wide - their schedules packed and their lives filling with new friends, new stories to share and new hobbies to fill up their time - but they'd made it back for holidays and for big milestones. Like Lucas and Max not so surprisingly getting engaged - or Steve getting the first of his nuggets with Kristen.
They spent a lot of time sending letters. In Dustin's words it felt so medieval, which for the party made perfect sense. The only thing amidst this was the fact that this particular letter was different. Something from Mike, and not one of the generic ones he'd sent them all with the goofy little cartoons. Still, despite her complaints she had a drawer full of letters from them, her friends.
She had new friends now, had even dated around a bit. She was on track to making the Dean's list and had successfully infiltrated college level robotics. Her roommate was nice and she'd found a mentor amidst the chaos - there were no more fears of the unknown, no more missions to save the world and she was growing to learn that that was okay. Life could be sweet like this too, and it was.
Still, the second her roommate passes her the envelope with a look and a quiet murmur of "I didn't read it-", she finds herself glued to her bed, opening it up and being met with a few things. [ A. a tiny little photo of Mike, his hair was different, curlier almost. He looked so much more grown up now too, cheekbones sharper and face devoid of any trace fof childhood ], B. a sheet of looseleaf paper, the letter itself. and [ C. a picture of the two of them from back in the sixth grade.
She sets the photos aside, picking up the letter in slight confusion.
[ YOUR NAME ],
I read your letter the day you left. Believe it or not, I cried even though I didn't want to. There was a lot more I wanted to say, but I couldn't find the words and maybe back then that was a good thing. Maybe it was too soon, maybe it still is, but I figured better early than never at all.
I wouldn't say this is the someday we talked about that day, there's still so much I want to do - a lot that I have to say about Hawkins, and the Party, and El, and so much I have to say about you. But you planted a seed of hope back then and I thought you should know that.
I still think about it all everyday. The Upside Down, El, how it all ended. But, I also think about how you said you were scared to tell me us goodbye - how you didn't want things to change and how being alone made it worse? Not having any of us around to lean on. I feel that way too sometimes. Especially here, I have new friends. They're actually pretty great, but none like you guys. Definitely none like you.
I guess I just want to say that I miss you and I'm bummed we missed each other the last time we were on break. One of these days, it'd be kind of cool to see you in action; I hear Dartmouth has a killer robotics program and their best student's from some hellhole town in Indiana. Sounds kind of familiar ;)
I have break in a few months, I always just go back home or stay in my dorm while everyone else leaves - sometimes going back to Hawkins feels a little bit like digging into a wound. But, I thought maybe this time it wouldn't be so bad to try something new. I drive now ( I know, I know, crazy, right? ) And New Hampshire's only like a few hours from here. Would it be crazy to come your way?
I don't know - I guess I just want to see you. I like your new hair by the way. It's so different from before, but it fits you. You've always been pretty, but I'm glad you are realizing it too. You asked me once if the Storyteller gets a happy ending - I didn't know what you really meant then and then I read your letter and it made sense.
There's a lot you never told me before you left. I understand why though and I'm not mad about it. But I think this is part of getting to my 'someday'. On graduation day you asked why we'd be a forever sort of goodbye. I thought that was what you wanted - but I was wrong. It's not what I want either.
Anyway, this is getting kind of long. I'll end it here. Hopefully I can see you soon. Maybe things could be different and even if they can't, we'd still be best friends, always.
