#med-nin

[tora-the-cat]

Sasuke having an extra paranoia about Med-nin, even among Shinobi, because he spent years with only Fucking Kabuto for a medic, and Fuck That.

[tora-the-cat]

A conversation that should have happened

Orochimaru about to accept the offer to experiment on babies from Danzo but exploring all other options first: I want to be immortal.

Tsunade, an intellectual: learn medical ninjutsu.

Orochimaru: healing injuries will not stop me from aging, Hime.

Tsunade: No shit sherlock, but screwing with your cells until they persist in some sort of stasis would. Fuck, why are you so dumb..

Orochimaru: I can do that?

Tsunade, Drunk: Sure man. Probably isn’t that hard even...

Orochimaru: Ok, well what about injuries that would kill me instantly, or render me unconcious to stop me from healing?

Tsunade, shrugging: store chakra in a seal that activates on fatal injury or something. Ask Jiraiya-baka.

Orochimaru: ...could it really be that easy?

Tsunade: I mean, probably not for anyone else. But the three of us? Sure, we can make your ass immortal, as long as you stop trying to take that dumb fuckin hat from Sensei.

Orochimaru: But If I’m Hokage, I can fund all of my currently-unsanctioned research.

Tsunade: You wouldn’t have time to do any research, what with running the village.

Orochimaru: Oh, I’ll just have you or Jiraiya do it.

Tsunade: You wouldn’t have time to do any research, what with trying to find someone else to heal the broken spine I’d give you.

Orochimaru: Dully noted...So...how do we feel about killing Danzo? Because 5 minutes ago I was 100% down to murder babies with him, and maybe that shouldn’t be an offer that’s on the table

Tsunade, spitting out sake: YOU WHAT-

[tora-the-cat]

I don’t know what the ninja version of the hypocratic oath is, but what I DO KNOW is that Kabuto sure has hell didn’t take it, and I’m guessing Hashirama drafted it and Tobirama revised it