#meetcute?

[softpadawan]

Am I already working on another Kanezra fic? Yes. Yes I am 😭

Premise: (AU) Smuggler Kanan picks up a pretty young thing in a bar on Coruscant. But just when things start to get hot and heavy, the game changes.

[bananase221]

Bellamy after hauling Murphy, Mbege and Monroe into supermarket security: I don’t even know what that whole thing was.

Bellamy looks at Mbege: You walked out with an entire pork loin hidden down your pants.

Bellamy looks at Monroe: You attempted to leave with half the condements section and a bag of flour.

Bellamy looks at Murphy: And you had nothing on you so why did you run?!

Murphy: A security guard was chasing me! Someone chases me, I run, that’s how it works!

[rikareena]

Watch "Dad embarrasses daughter in front of hot waiter (VIDEO CREDIT: TikTok user: Keemokazi)" on YouTube

Dad embarrasses daughter in front of hot waiter (VIDEO CREDIT: TikTok user: Keemokazi)

ELMABBY HEADCANON 💕😄

Waiter: Elmo

Dad: Papa Freddy (Abby's Stepdad)

Embarrassed Daughter: Abby

One recording: Rudy

Other girl: I dunno....Rosita maybe? 😆

[justanothermaltesewhumpblr]

Eden, meet Emil

The first time Eden and Emil met was at the infirmary. Eden had only been at the Academy for around three weeks by that time and her room hadn’t been equipped with… All the amenities she would need, so when nature eventually caught up with her she didn’t know where else to go to get tampons other than the infirmary. 

Emil had gotten wasted. Again. 

Emil reclined in his bed, “You’re new”, he sounded accusatory. “When did you get here?”

Eden didn’t particularly think he deserved an answer, but then she didn’t really have to think about it for too long because as soon as his head hit the pillow he was out again. She rolled her eyes. Tragic. 

The nurse came over with a few tampons and handed them to her, “ The Academy will set you an appointment with the visiting doctor, you won’t have to worry about dealing with this whole mess for too long, your peers usually get an IUD. But, until then, these will have to do.”

It didn’t particularly sound like Eden had a say in the whole ordeal but to be fair she didn’t really mind. This would be one less thing to deal with, she supposed. 

She glanced back at Emil as the nurse rolled her eyes, walking over to him. “This is going on your record, you fool.” He rolled over, giving her his back. 

The second time Eden and Emil met was in a Modern Politics class. She sat at the front. He sat at the back. He smiled and waved at her as she walked in, she manoeuvred awkwardly into the nearest desk, glancing behind her to see if he was gesturing to someone else. She realized too late that he wasn’t and by the time she turned to return the gesture, the professor had walked in.

She wasnt surprised to notice he didn't contribute to the discussion at all. It was weird…at the academy. At her old school, her old private boarding school which was ranked top in the country, people still pretended not to care, snickered when she answered questions, and rolled their eyes at her effort. But here, at the academy, everyone tried to prove themselves. She knew a big part of it was the overlying threat of incarceration if the academy didnt deem you worth its time and effort, she assumed the others had found themselves here under the same circumstances she had. So, why was it that Emil didn't seem to care? Why bother joining if you're just going to try your best to get kicked out?

Eden decided then that perhaps he was just pathetic.

The third time Eden saw Emil was in the gym. She was doing some strength training when he walked in, expectedly late to his session and deeply hungover. He winked at her and walked over to his coach, who’d already gotten started on berating him. One emetic episode and electrolyte drink later, he was on the treadmill. 

He was doing agility training next, dropping ten, twenty feet and landing ….almost like a corpse, she thought. She decided that she didn’t particularly like him too well. She didn't like people who didn't put in an effort. She watched as he worked out for another while before the effects of tylenol wore off and he was rushing over to the nearest bin again. 

He didnt make it. 

She rolled her eyes.

The next time Eden would see Emil would be in a meeting with their advisor, who would tell them that the academy believed they would make a good team. Eden wondered if God ever tired of his ineffable, tiresome sense of humour. 

[holtzmannish]

New York Cinderella

Summary: meet-cute with Holtzmann, as she shows off her handy skills, leaving you wanting more.

Walking along the sidewalk you find yourself trying not to trip in the large cracks that have formed there, as you are susceptible to do. You’re not really looking around you and taking in the surroundings, your first mistake. The heel of your shoe gets lodged in a particularly horrific gash in the pavement and you sigh as you try to pull it free. Cursing the local council as you’re unable to do so, you register that the voice loudly offering help to the “pretty lady in the grey skirt” is actually talking to you. You look up, taking your foot from your shoe to see a woman walking, or rather strutting, towards you.

She has blonde hair piled about her head, spilling slightly over one side of her face. Beneath this, a mischievous glint in her eyes renders you slightly speechless. With a very low centre of gravity in her gait, you find yourself admiring the way that her clothing hangs off of her slim frame, despite the fact that she appears to be absolutely covered in various unknown substances. With a flourish she removes both hands from the pickets of her khaki coat, wielding a screwdriver and a small bottle of liquid. Too in shock to offer introductions, or even return her toothy grin, you blurt “whatever that is I’m sure as hell I don’t want it near my foot.” She has the aura of a mad scientist and you’re sure it must be some kind of deadly acid.

With a smirk, she unscrews the cap and takes a sip.  “Oh it’s quite deadly. Dihydrogen monoxide -H2O. One drop too many could kill ya, I guarantee it.” Flipping through your memory, and your terrible high school science education, you realise it’s literally just water. Extremely embarrassed, and standing lopsided in only one shoe, you stand there as she pours some around the base of your shoe and begins to work at the cement with her screwdriver. Within seconds, the shoe is free, and you attempt to compose your flustered self as she smoothly turns to face you, before kneeling before you with a flourish, and helping you into your lost shoe. “There you go, princess,” she chuckles as you continue to blush, trying to find your words. “Thank you so much! That’s really a big help, um...” you prompt her to give her name. “Dr Jillian Holtzmann, but baby, you can call me whatever you like,” she says flirtatiously, and you wonder whether this is her nature, or if you should slip her your number. “Lovely to meet you, Doctor Holtzmann,” you say, finally returning the sly smile which plays upon her lips. Her lips... “I’m [Y/N], there must be some way I can repay you?” You reciprocate her tone, raising an eyebrow  But before you can get another word in she takes your left wrist with right hand. Reaching into her pocket, she smacks a slip of paper into your hand and winks once again. “I’ve really gotta run, but if you’ll call me, I’m sure there’s something we can figure out.”

She walks briskly off in the other direction, shooing another woman out of the passenger seat of a white hearse, as you stand there, still in awe of this stranger. As the car zooms by, she leans out of the window and gives you a two-fingered salute.

You unfurl the paper in your hands and find it to be handwritten, barely legible, before tucking it safely into your pocket with a small smile.

Authors note: Idk what is really going on here. Kind of based on a dream I had, and the first thing I’ve written in a long time. Feedback is welcomed, however negative, as are prompts and requests. I think that a rewrite could possibly make for a cute fanfic, rather than a one-off thing, what do you think? Cheers!

[allysonrudolph]

My Apartment Flooded

Fireman: Someone left the tap on upstairs and there was something in the sink, so it was overflowing.

Allyson: Thanks so much for coming out. I realize you're first responders and almost certainly have better things to be doing with your night.

Fireman: Glad we could help.

Allyson: I'm just glad there's not, like, a dead body in the bathtub up there.

Fireman: Actually we get that a lot around here.

...

Fireman: Oh man, your face just now. You look horrified.

...

Fireman: You can go ahead and turn the water to the building back on.