I think what appeals to me most about Shadowzel is the fact that neither of them possess the tools to resolve their conflict at the onset. I remember when I wrote my first fic about them, someone basically commented that they were incompatible and unlikely to work. Of course I could see where they were coming from but the chemistry was still there regardless and that's what the old-school enemies to lovers trope is all about.
If they had conflict resolution skills and could see others point of view from the beginning, that would completely shift their dynamic to one I would be less interested in.
The tension inherent to their joining is what makes them a fun pair. Even once they bury the hatchet they remain socially prone to conflict. Shads has been raised to be a manipulator, a charmer, and self-righteous. This really comes across the most if your Tav romances her, but it happens regardless. She is pretty and femme so you overlook her paranoia, general bitchiness, and obvious attempts to control Tav. And that is why, narratively, Tavs are most likely to see her point of view in the scene where she attacks Lae'zel' at night. She is essentially in the wrong in that moment, but Lae'zel is not a likable character for most and has already pulled a knife on Tav at this point. On the first playthrough many folks let Lae'zel die there if they haven't already killed or abandoned her.
It's funny because Shads is not actually very good at being Sharran and manipulating others - not naturally and definitely not after her ??th lobotomy. She just comes across as a hot neurotypical goth girl with religious guilt and a mood disorder.
The manipulation is largely done in the mind of any Tav that thinks she's pretty. She does not have to actually succeed at being charming or persuasive. Her truest charm, which feels most authentic and persuasive to me, is revealed when she allows herself to be silly, kind, a little hopeless, and earnest. She only manages to be anything close to a siren in the lead up to and during her first romance scene. Then she catches feelings and it unravels pretty quickly. She is very obviously attempting to conceal a huge ball of emotions at any given time. That said, she cannot at any point prior to the hatchet burying, abide by Lae'zel being present. She is (autistically) impervious to manipulation, unless it is inflammatory or provocative so Shadowheart can only be so subtle. She is also a Githyanki and Shadowheart has been groomed to hate and fear them, which does not seem wrong or unfounded in the context. She is extremely aware that she has stolen from them and is mad that these evil alien people killed so many of her Sharran teammates when they stole the rubix cube which was of course totally justified because Shar said so. Shadowheart has no idea what it is. Neither does Lae'zel but she's stubborn as hell. They try to kill each other over it.
Lae'zel does not wish to abandon Shadowheart on the nautiloid for any personal reasons aside from "istik" and "we do not have time for this." Depending on the circumstances, it is not unlikely that she would have left a gith in mind flayer jail if she thought them to be a waste of effort. Sacrifice and natural selection are a huge part of her culture. Tav does not save any of the other people we see in the ship.
Shadowheart took this personally immediately though she would have made the same call if Lae'zel had been in the pod. Her reasoning is different - justified - and it is her hatred for Lae'zel in this moment that spawns their particularly antagonistic relationship. Lae'zel does not particularly dislike Shadowheart more than anyone else initially.
And of course Lae'zel has been raised to be domineering, uncompromising, and direct. She, unlike Shadowheart, genuinely believes herself to be better than others because of her belief system. Where Shadowheart is extremely aware of her inability to live up to the Sharran ideal and is therefore only posturing as morally superior, made even more pronounced by the hand wound, Lae'zel has at that point in her life succeeded as a gith. She's basically a D1 prospect for ascension. As other thinkers have said much more eloquently, she is the best gith you could have ever hoped to be in a party with, but that does not make her fun to be around at first.
She and shads are both on a pilgrimage of sorts that involves a specific task. Get the gith relic to the city vs. return to the creche to be purified. Shadowheart is only trying to insulate herself from the troubles on the road when she agrees to travel with you, and likely sees you as she sees herself: ultimately expendable. She does not try to make anyone else Sharran. Which is very interesting.
Lae'zel however, sees herself as a paragon of Vlaakith's teachings and is so settled in that identity that she actively wants to bring the party along for purification (sans Shadowheart) if only to display Vlaakith's grace and preempt a new gaggle of mindflayers. She sees the party as less then herself in the way one might think of children. She believes in the (un)natural racial supremacy of Githyanki, in the sense that they have been refined as a people into a silver sword by killing off their weak (eugenics!). She should not be helping you in any way. But she is. She sees potential for the gang as temporary allies, and reasons with herself that you are all extraordinary istik. Except for Shadowheart. That girl is everything she means when she puts the hard K on istik. Too soft and foolish to do hard things.
Lae'zel is totally self assured. She is confident in her prowess at doing anything she believes matters. Tavs who are susceptible to dominance and autistic rizz overlook her fascist ideals. They feel capable of taking her down if need be, but are content to be stepped on so long as she doesn't hurt anyone else...too severely. Which, to her credit, she does not.
Lae'zel is exacting without compliment in a way that is similar to Shar honestly. Objective and harsh. Shadowheart does not expect to be found worthy by either, but she doesn't have to want Lae'zel to like her.
These two approach life completely differently despite their journeys being parallel. Proving themselves to their goddesses.
Lae'zel pities Shadowheart before she empathizes with her for this very reason. Not only is her god "false" she is also very clearly struggling to please her. Conversely, Lae'zel believes Vlaakith could not be anything but pleased with her even after refusing to kill the dream visitor. She knows she is doing her best. She believes her god is reasonable. Shadowheart knows that neither God is reasonable, but internalizes Shars impossibly high demands. She chalks it up to being personally faulty and likely believes even moreso that Lae'zel is deluded because of her self-confidence. How could anyone be so sure of themselves?
It's just the best tension ever. Petty vs. Genuinely mean. An assassin vs. A warrior. A person who loves to lie vs. a person who loves to tell the truth. A religious misery pit with low self esteem vs. An arrogant fascist.
It's a lot of nuance to fit into a relationship that functions on any level without them killing each other and I'm so grateful for all the writers who have managed to pull that off.
I love how the only way out for them is through. And that they're so annoying that they need help to get there. I love the way people conceptualize the rocky, perilous journey they have to take if there is no Tav to mediate.
Sometimes people tweak some of the parts that make them enemies to smooth things over which is also fun for me, but it's most fun when they just turn them down a bit. Whether in the canon or in an AU, I like when they cannot just get along. Even if they're doing it, they still misunderstand each other at first and aren't sure what to make of their attraction or of themselves as capable of love. To me Lae'zel is at her best when she is confident, mean, stubborn, horny and obtuse. Shadowheart is so fun when she's immature, petulant, sexy, judgemental and repressed.
Yeah.
