#mekor

[sevutire]

Dukat and little Mekor

[elatedlymundanee]

Everyone changed.

What else do you want now

Fuck you want to do now

Tell me??? Why are you like this????

Damn

They just did. I know you can't help it. I know you feel helpless and stuff. I get it I'm literally you. Bit question yourself is all you can do now naa Tauheed. It's just how it's always been. Be it seriful shyan badr altoo anyone. You'll be the bad person in the end and it's just inevitable for your being.

Seriful won't give you the same attention before. You were like his mentor at the time. He learnt and he went on naa.

Shyan won't even consider the others as his friend now. But you too know he's not the same.

Badr bullied you the last two years. It was like 8 months she called you her bestfriend because she had nobody. It's been that you told her sm shit and she spilled it. It's your fault trusting always.

Altoo for shit won't shut up now naa. He's gotten new friends and all the money. He's on the way to be what he wanted to. That's a fact that your broke ass couldn't ever afford to be with the people he wants to be with.

It's just that. It was nice in school naa. It's been a year no? Please let me go now. I won't blame you or shit for anything but it's just your fault you choose people who want to be loved, and not those who care to love you back. It's just how it goes naa. You're always going to be the same person. You're discarded plastic waste. You tend to repeat the same mistakes. It's just that. We cannot do anything naa. All of it again burnt and burnt. Other's have bigger problems, other's have people and you don't usually do. That's why you end up attaching yourself naa. You can't see their unhealthy habits. You'll be the one who's the problem always. But maybe they'll listen. You've helped everyone naa. See, we're the same person st the end of the day.

No one gives a fuck about how much you crash out. No one does to be honest, people have you as an option always. They're loved and cherished. They have siblings and parents and money and freedom, you don't. It's your fault being unable to attend your funeral all this while. All the time you spent burning. No one asked you how you are. No one wants to listen to how you are actually. It's just like that. You're meant to thug it out until you cannot.

About the changing part. It's okay. It's really okay. You have had a habit of pointing shit out in everyone. But you cannot love people by deluding them, that's your problem. You can't be sn echo chamber to this. You've seen it. Not a single sincere apology from anyone ANYONE. But all this while you're the sorry ass friend. Did anyone even flinch seeing you scream?? Did anyone try to save you??? That's a fact that they didn't. No matter how much they say you've helped them. It's not in your morals to be an echo chamber. But it hurts them because your big words don't fit into their dollhouse. That's how it is. It's our incompetence at the end of the day no. You're supposed to be the emotional one. How come you blame me knowing I'll give out heartless prompts with no soul?

It's all just us two. They've forgotten about it long lost. They'll do it again and they'll forget more than you forgive. The surplus gets you no. A single text does have you aching since a year now and all you got was the justification of you being the asshole??? Were you lol? It's all that. You and me are the same person. There were other us too. We cannot do anything but visit their graves someday, everyday. You're just aching and turning in pain now.

Maybe wait till the alarm rings again so you fall and stumble and reach someone's house.

I know you painted with love and expression but all of those are dead and dusty murals now. You can't get them back by just loving them.

You knew the heartbreak is going to be the biggest one yet but you took it no? Head first all afraid and confused. You're done and dusted and burnt and dying but listen. I'm done too it's just we're bound to eachother with each other's existence. We're the closest one's we share all our thoughts and we complete our sentenc- leave it. Forgot i had no role in that part. I just provided you your intellect. But don't leave now. What am I without actually the half of my being??? You asked me this and you wanted to be comforted but you got hit with the same wannabe therapist lingo and tone. You want the love you asked for because you thought they told the truth about loving you but no. You'll have to pick up yourself, you're ash and formless now but it's better than looking like this fr. It's just that you're the emotions I have. I'm the one again who's wanting to look knowing and comforting but i don't know shit and i make you feel like you're walking over a remote rubber membrane. I'm invalidating you and i know that I'll be hurt by the end after i get to know about the hatred i have for myself. But that's what you get for being a worthless piece of shit. They covered their narcissism by calling it your fault. And that's what you get for it.

Kya hua?? Lol. You think breaking all of your traits into this mess will help you love myself??? It's not. There's a reason your parents hate you lmao there's a reason why everyone clowns you. There's a reason they call you a loser. No matter what you do no matter what you learn. It'll not mask the smell of your failure.

I want you to only do one thing. Um you know SHUT THE FUCK UP. Lol what else do- Nhi tu kon hota Aisa bolne wala lmao. Nostalgic megh

Jkjk you know you're not worthy for it. And i lied. They left because of your incompetence. They left you because you weren't good enough. Also the current distancing shit is just the same. Don't go away otherwise I'll be distant and shi. I don't want to hurt anyone. I need you and your emotions. I need a complete me to- oh.

The heartbreak is insane this time. You're not important enough that's why you're delayed. There's bigger stuff instead of an option loser thing.

You'll get yourself together and go on to feel ashamed lol. It's what you made me.

We're the same person. I didn't make you like this. Not did you do. You keep repeating your sorries and they keep repeating their mistake. You'll be fixed once they get some time. They have other important shit to do lmao. You're so pathetic it makes me cry sometimes. You're just delayed. Guess what you're the problem. And they're not because idk it's justified because you're the loser here. They don't need to tell you shit. You're as important as a woman to someone with a misogyny "kink". You remember the old man called you a moron yesterday. You think you can fix shit while you're just a fucking obstacle. You're just some friction to everyone. You did save her from potential bad touch and shi I'm proud of me. Also you played good today.

I do think about us sometimes. Us?? I mean me and like i as a whole yk. This body of mass and space. We could've been born a bit rich no. Remember not praying for money because it was a bad thing to do lol. I feel irritated by you like everyone else but i do have some sympathy for you. How will we manage that bro. The hostel is going to not let us be sane.

Your fault was YOU BOTHERED. YOU BOTHERED BELIEVING ALL THEIR LIES AND ALL OF IT. YOU SHOULD'VE LISTENED TO YOUR STOMACH WHEN IT TOLD YOU THEY'RE LYING. LET THEM BE IDK. LET'S JUST JUMP AND HOPE ANYONE GRIEVES.

Among all this you can bas listen hi. It's not a fucking crashout. My life's been set to move away from everything i want. I don't care bhai you did see it didn't you. Sahi hai. Sabka sahi hai. Tumhare liye kuch bhi nhi hai ye. Kyuki lage toh mere naa. Mujhe itti chid aari naa ab. Meri hi galti thi i bothered trying to be a good friend or a good person. Y'all are like. Shorry🥺🥺. And poof free from all the shit everyone did. Sahi hai sab sahi hai. Y'all can't give the slightest fuck.

All of it remembered. You revise too much yk. Will it hurt them 🥺🥺🥺. Am i too insensitive.

Um you know SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Lmao 🙏

[superdocsportello]

Headcanon: Eldar, Maglor and  opera

I once read about a guy named Baldassare Ferri (born December 9, 1610 - died September 10, 1680) who was apparently one of the most extraordinary operatic singers who ever lived. Reportedly, during his stay in Poland he was much admired (just as anywhere else he performed) and it is said that Queen Christina of Sweden though at war with Sigmund III of Poland, requested the services of Ferri. A brief armistice was therefore arranged so that Ferri could pass safely through the battle line.

And that exactly sums up my HC about Eldar and their attitude to music (and all art in general, but especially music).

I imagine music festivals going on for weeks with crowds arriving at Tirion and later Himring just to hear Maglor sing. Opulent celebrations and balls being held in his (and other singers’) honor, grand productions staged in multiple theaters (because who cares about money when it comes to true art), people fainting at his concerts, crowds shouting "One Eru, one Macalaure!" And even Thingol himself would invite Maglor to his court granting him an exception to the infamous Quenya ban – all that just to hear him sing.

And I also HC Melkor having huge admiration for the second son of Feanor (and perhaps even a bit of a crush). Back in Valinor, he would have never missed an opportunity to hear him sing. And I also imagine Melkor buying luxurious gifts and sending them anonymously to his favorite diva.

[cardiespacetrash]

Senator Mekor Dukat, eldest son of Gul Skrain Dukat. 

[elatedlymundanee]

Look around do you find something missing?

My will to live. I'm gonna die and leave everyone weeping tears if solitude. I have no way to carry this. I miss myself. And all. I don't find anyone familiar. And i don't know who you are. I don't know what to do and I'm going to die.

Looked around I'm missing the time. Long convos with people. Same and valid mindsets and people not hating me. If you can't make me not see another day maybe just don't ask me what i miss. I miss everyone. My bestfriend. My other friends. My family. My childhood. Sabkuch. I think i prefer people with masks. Atleast they hurt less. Atleast they don't justify their being. Atleast they're afraid of abandonment.

If you asked really. I miss talking to my bestie in my free time. I want to die btw. I really want to not see any other day.

[elatedlymundanee]

I feel sorry for you. But i really hope that you're okay. Are you alright? Say it. How's your bestie?

Don't. I'm not. No. I did. Idk man i miss her sm. I really hope, it's all in vain thou. I could've, but it's just not my fault no matter what. I idk.

[elatedlymundanee]

Lead

My life's lead, brittle yet not the pencil one ofcourse.

Led to these apparent "chronic health conditions if you keep eating the same yellow instant noodles that promise you the care only a mother can give you everyday" if I quote the doctor. "But I eat healthy", I said and "I barely have eaten those, twice or thrice a year" i added. He went silent and kept on typing out my symptoms on his curved monitor, the same one my friend was talking about.

Afterall I've been visiting him once a month, for almost a year now.

The same doctor that smokes a nail in his breaks allegedly. And I can hear his coughs sometimes as I wait for my turn, half passed out; because someone else thought about how the medicines were making him weaker and how he would've spent all this money on some herbal juices to help with his migraines.

I look upto the door to his cabin. Blue slate with white texts referring to the degrees my friends dreamt of, before going onto different paths, waiting them to intersect once. They call it a "reunion". The groupchat runs on memes. With atleast 2 members out of 4 deactivating their accounts.

Least of kindness to give to ourselves, isn't it?

I took my hoodie out of the wardrobe. It was full of the scent of the pink comfort i accidentally poured too much of. I look at my weight, dropped by 3 kgs in a day. I think and giggle about how I count my height knowing that I'm biased or, how I look into the mirror to realise how the purity of one's soul matters here.

With a heart that I feel and the dizziness in my head and the trembling hands and the shivers i feel down my spine. I think about the doctor who said "your visits are too regular, try not falling I'll" as if I didn't pay him money worth someone's daily income.

Atleast I cover some of your packs while you reintroduce the same medicines. With a bottle of electrolytes ofcourse. It tastes good.

[elatedlymundanee]