Summary: Janus has been banished from his pod for crimes that he did not commit. However, this merman’s bad luck is far from over. A mer is not meant to live on their own in the open ocean, and as one would expect, things do not go well. Enter: Florida Man.
Sadly, Logan was the sort of driver who obeyed all the traffic laws. He didn’t even speed. Not even a little! So, Remus’s drive took a little longer than usual, since he wanted to at least keep Logan’s car in sight in his rearview mirror.
Was that strictly necessary, given that Logan already knew where he lived? No. But also yes.
Thankfully, even with Logan’s tragically legal driving style, they made it back to Remus’s house before Remus’s anticipation made him buzz right out of his skin. Remus pulled to a stop on the curb, suddenly enough that the new buckets of sea water he’d collected sloshed dangerously. He hopped out and bounced towards Logan’s approaching car, barely remembering to actually close his own car door. While Remus waited, Logan carefully lined his car up on the street, turned it off, and finally stepped out, apprehensive.
A neighbor stood on the other side of the street, watering their plants and watching the pair. Remus jauntily waved, drawing Logan’s attention to the neighbor as well.
The neighbor scoffed, turning off their hose. They tossed it on the grass and crossed the street.
“You’re not planning on making more of those obscene costumes of yours out here, are you? Those things are disgusting. Just last week you covered half the street in glitter and rotten sea weed!”
Remus frowned for a second, then gasped and put his hands on either side of his head. “OH! I completely forgot, my swamp monster costume!” He sighed dramatically. “Damn, that party was supposed to be tonight.” Maybe he could still make the costume? There would be future parties to crash. And it would be fun to just wander around town, dressed up like the lost city of Atlantis’s worst nightmares. Maybe he’d accidentally dress up as someone Janus knew!
The neighbor was still scowling, looking between Remus and Logan while Remus’s imagination threatened to run away from him. “Who is this? One of your weirdo friends?”
Remus put away thoughts of terrorizing the town and put an arm around Logan’s shoulders. “Oh this? This is my friend with benefits.” Remus winked.
Logan’s brow furrowed. “What?”
The neighbor’s expression was overcome by revulsion. “Why the hell would I want to know about that? Ugh! You’re disgusting. Do I even want to know what you wanted that old aquarium for? And why did you leave so much sand in my mailbox?”
Remus smiled innocently, his arm still around Logan’s shoulders. “I put a 20 in there, too!”
“I didn’t ask you for that.”
“It’s for the tank.”
“It was covered in sand!”
“You don’t like your money crunchy?”
“…Crunchy?”
“Yeah, crunchy.” To illustrate, Remus took a sandy dollar from his pocket and popped it in his mouth with no hesitation, chewing on the salt-soaked paper. The sand grains crunched audibly in his teeth.
At that, the neighbor took several steps back. “What—just—what the hell are you two doing in there? I know you’re up to no good.”
“None of your business, dork!” Remus said, his voice slightly muffled by the dollar. “Now go away before I sick my new fish on you!
The neighbor looked confused and disgruntled, but they threw up their hands and walked away with another loud scoff, stomping across the street. Their front door slammed shut. The hose was still lying on their lawn, forgotten.
Remus leaned over to stage whisper to Logan, shoving the sandy dollar to one side of his mouth. “Logan. Logan. I called them a whale p*nis.”
“I am aware.”
Remus spat out the soggy, sandy dollar, cackled, and grinned like the Cheshire Cat. “Anyway… onward!” he announced, pretending to brandish a weapon. Swords were overused, so he liked to picture a huge, jet black morningstar instead, covered in jagged spikes longer than his thumb. Maybe not practical, but it sure would have that intimidation factor.
“That would be preferable to remaining outdoors,” Logan commented, looking at Remus’s brandished arm with a furrowed brow. Unfortunately, he could not see Remus’s objectively bad*ss morningstar. “I was under the impression that that was why we were here.”
“Don’t want to admire my curb appeal?” Remus joked, putting away his imaginary weapon and turning to the other man.
Logan squinted up at the lime green house. “I’m not sure you know what curb appeal is.”
“Fair enough!” Remus said, marching up to his house. He unlocked the door and swung it dramatically open, his fun-hating neighbor instantly forgotten. “Jan!” he called. “I brought Logey to see you!”
Remus entered the living room first, Logan following behind more slowly. He paused in the doorway, while Remus trotted right up to the tank.
Janus was awake—if he hadn’t been before, yelling someone’s name was usually a good way to wake them up—and was now leaning on the edge of the aquarium, watching them.
“Hey Mr. Taser Fish—feeling chatty today?” Remus asked. Janus had still been asleep when he left earlier, so he hadn’t gotten to ask.
Janus, his eyes still on Logan, slowly reached up a hand and tapped twice on the aquarium glass.
Remus’s shoulders dropped. “Aw. Oh well. I guess we’ll get to play charades a bit longer—that’s fun, right?”
Janus shot him a skeptical glance before returning his gaze to Logan.
Logan was watching their interaction with a conflicting mixture of fascination and apprehension. Remus could practically hear the rapid spinning of gears in his head. He stepped back, gesturing between them. “So, Janus, meet Logan. Logan, this is Janus.”
Despite his clear interest, Logan didn’t seem inclined to come any closer than the doorway where he currently hovered, keeping Remus solidly between himself and Janus.
When Logan finally spoke, his voice was an oddly high pitch. Remus graciously decided not to call him out on it, even if it was amusing. “You, uh, look improved,” he said.
It was true. Janus still looked tired, and maybe a little feverish; but the only other time Logan had seen him, Janus had been visibly sicker, and pretty out of it. The swelling in his face had gone down noticeably, and his neck also looked less red. The injury to his arm was hidden by his capelet, but Remus knew that it already looked much better, too.
The capelet, of course, had not escaped Logan’s notice.
“Did you give that to him?” Logan asked, looking to Remus.
“It’s his,” Remus said. “Found it on the beach, with some other stuff. I did give him the pillow though—it’s my raincoat!” he added proudly
“Oh.” Logan looked back to the tank, seeming to notice the other items as well. He swallowed, turning to address Janus again. “Ah… do you remember me? I know you were rather… unwell, when we first met.”
Janus seemed to consider, then slowly tapped on the glass, with clear hesitation.
“He does,” Remus supplied. “Kind of, I think he means.”
Janus’s nail tapped again on the glass in confirmation.
“That’s what that means?” Logan clarified, his eyes flicking to Remus.
“Yeah. One tap is yes, two is no.”
Logan nodded. Another long moment passed. Logan had a look on his face like he couldn’t quite believe what was happening. And he still hadn’t ventured past the entrance to the room.
Remus smirked a little. “Jeez, Logey, no need to be such a scaredy cat. He’s just a fish man.”
Logan shot him an irritated look. “I’m not afraid,” he argued, even as his gaze drifted to Remus’s bandaged arms. Obviously in an attempt to prove it, he straightened his back and approached, walking right up past Remus and up to the edge of the tank.
He stuck out a hand, and Remus did not miss the way his other one was clenched in a fist, or how he set his jaw. Remus scratched at the edge of one of the bandages on his arms, waiting to see what would happen.
Janus looked warily at his hand, then back up at Logan’s face.
“You shake it,” Logan blurted out. “You take my hand in yours, and shake it. It’s a hand shake.”
Behind them, Remus danced from side to side. “Shake, shake, shake,” he sing-songed to himself.
“It’s a gesture meant to be part of a greeting,” Logan continued, ignoring him.
Janus frowned, but then he deliberately fastened his small hand around Logan’s. Logan jumped slightly despite expecting the touch; but Janus didn’t shock him, and didn’t try to scratch him with those nails that were just a little too sharp to be human. He shook Logan’s hand, from side to side.
A little smile of delight appeared on Logan’s face, his mouth twitching up to reveal very white teeth. He quickly recovered, though, smothering his expression into something more neutral. Remus resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Logey took himself too seriously. It wouldn’t kill him to let himself smile.
“Generally, you, um, shake hands up and down,” Logan said. He still sounded nervous. “Like this.” He carefully shook their hands properly.
Janus furrowed his brow, then retracted his hand.
“So, are we all best buds now?” Remus asked, grinning.
“That seems premature,” Logan commented, sounding a little breathless. Based on Janus’s expression, he shared a similar thought. Now that Logan’s handshake of bravery was done, he took a few steps back.
Remus pointed at Logan. “It’s only premature with that attitude,” he said, accentuating his words with his pointed finger. He turned back to Janus. “You want some lunch, new best bud?”
Janus tapped once on the glass.
“Great!” Remus left the room, heading towards the kitchen.
He only made it about five steps, when there was a loud thump from behind him, followed by a splash of water.
Remus stopped, frowned, and spun around on his heel, going back into the room.
Janus had pushed himself up so that his whole torso was above water. He looked like he regretted the sudden motion, but still his hands gripped the edge of the tank, his eyes wide with surprise. Water dripped down the sides of the glass.
Logan, meanwhile, was not standing where Remus expected to see him. A beat passed in which Remus stared at the empty space where his friend was supposed to be, and then he looked down.
Logan was sprawled out on the floor, unconscious.
“Huh.” Remus looked at him for a second, then back up at Janus. “Well, sh*t.”
…
Remus walked into the living room with Janus’s lunch in one hand, and a glass of water in the other. “Alright, Jan Jan, I actually got your food this time! This is for you,” he told the merman, handing over the fish with a flourish.
Janus accepted the food and sank to the bottom of the tank, where he started eating, never taking his gaze off of the humans for long.
“Aaand this is for you,” Remus said as he handed the water to Logan, who sat on the couch, his face still flushed red in mortification. The fact that Janus kept looking at Logan was not helping him feel any less flustered.
Logan took the glass with a small nod. Janus had started to pick his meal apart, tearing off scraps of fish and eating them one at a time. Logan slowly sipped from the glass of water. He’d insisted he must have been dehydrated or something, from work, but he got the sense that Remus did not believe him.
Remus plopped down beside Logan. “So, you sure you’re good? How’s the head?”
Logan took another sip of water. “I’m fine.”
“Really? I mean, I took one step out of the room and you conked right out on the floor.” Remus cackled. “Is Janus really that scary? I know he’s got fangs and stuff, but he’s the size of a little kid.”
Logan’s mouth thinned, his hands tightening on the glass. “W-well, in my defense, it’s not every day that I am pressured into meeting someone whose existence is so improbable, especially one with fangs and the ability to electrocute me—”
Remus put his hands up, interrupting Logan’s justifications. His expression had fallen, and he had the grace to look sheepish. “Hey, hey, I’m sorry. Not judging. But your head’s okay? I don’t want any cracked eggshells. This is a whole eggshell household.”
Logan put a hand to the back of his head subconsciously, even though he had already carefully checked for an injury. “It’s fine.”
Remus looked him up and down, squinting, before he seemed to accept that he was telling the truth. He clapped his hands together. “Excellent! In that case, I’m going to go grab those buckets from my car.”
He started out of the room, only to pause and point a stern finger back at Logan. “No more fainting,” he said.
Logan sighed.
…
“So, how do you want to do this?” Remus asked, pacing back and forth with a hand to his chin. All of the buckets of sea water were lined up along the wall, and the remains of Janus’s meal had been taken away. Now they just had to clean the tank and switch out the water, but Janus was still in there, and he probably wouldn’t want to be in there for the whole time. Plus, they should probably check his injuries.
“Your arms are still burned,” Logan reminded him from the couch. “You shouldn’t pick him up. Your bandages will get wet, at the very least.”
“I’ve done it before,” Remus shrugged. “He’s not heavy.”
“It would be better if I did it,” Logan said.
Remus turned, giving him a disbelieving look, and tilted his head. “Ah…”
“I’m fine now,” Logan insisted.
Remus wasn’t convinced. He glanced at Janus, who looked uncertain about the whole idea of being picked up at all. Remus doubted he wanted to be picked up by someone who very well might faint again and drop him.
He considered. “I could cover up my arms. Like for the shower, but less naked.”
Logan let out a frustrated sigh, shaking his head, but he seemed to realize that neither Remus nor Janus were going to let him pick up the merman that day. “…Fine.”
Five minutes later, freshly adorned with two large plastic trash bags, which were taped in place around his arms with duct tape, Remus walked back into the room. He swung his arms as he walked so the wrinkles in the plastic caught the air and made them puff out slightly.
“Like my new digs?” he asked. “How do I look?”
Logan set his empty glass on the table. “You look like you taped a pair of 13 gallon trash can bags to your own arms. With… is that zebra print duct tape?”
“I’m a trendsetter; you can just say it.”
Logan frowned his confused frown, and Remus grinned before he turned to Janus. “Alright, Mr. Taser Fish, ready to go?”
Janus looked reluctant, but didn’t fight Remus as he lifted the small merman from the tank, dripping water. Remus carried him out into the kitchen, setting him down in the kitchen sink, which was half-filled with saltwater. He’d grabbed some towels to pad the side of it and make a pillow.
Janus looked around uncertainly as he shifted to get more comfortable. He looked up at Remus, who could tell he wanted to ask a question. Remus could guess what it was.
“This is where we fixed you up,” Remus explained. “Is it comfy enough?”
Janus took a moment to assess his surroundings, before carefully tapping once on the counter.
“Great—I’ll just take care of the tank. Just yell if you need something. Or drop a plate on the floor. I got the whole set at a yard sale just for promising I’d leave, so it’s no loss! Maybe I’ll actually go buy those ones I’ve had my eye on. They’ve got this octopus on them, and he’s got a top hat and a bunch of knives. Which is just top tier design.”
Janus stared at him. Remus grinned, saluted, and bounced back to the other room.
…
Cleaning the tank took a while, but it wasn’t too long before Remus had finished pouring the last bucket of seawater in, tossing the empty plastic container into the haphazard pile of other buckets, to be taken back to the beach the next day. He returned to the kitchen for Janus, who wasn’t pleased about being woken from his nap; but he let Remus pick him up and carry him back to the tank readily enough.
“Oookay,” Remus said once Janus was back in the tank. “Logey, you ready to go?”
“Ah… yes, I suppose I ought to return home,” Logan said. He got to his feet. “I’ll see myself out.”
“I could drive you.”
“I require my car. I’ll be fine on my own.”
“No, no, no, congrats on your new stalker, buddy. If you won’t let me drive you, I’m going to follow you home, to make sure you get there okay.”
Logan frowned. “That is unnecessary.”
“Well, what if we stop somewhere for some food? Then I’m not just following you, we’re going to hang out. You have to eat lunch at some point, right?”
“…That would be acceptable, I suppose.”
“It’s a date!” Remus turned to Janus. “Butt—” he waggled his “—before we go, do you need anything? More food? My offer of a bedtime story is still open, even if it’s noon.”
Janus had seemed to be attempting to follow Logan’s and Remus’s conversation, with limited success. At being addressed, he straightened slightly, then mulled over the question for a long moment.
He glanced down, steeled himself, and stuck out one of his hands.
Remus blinked, confused. Did he want a handshake? Maybe he wanted one from Remus and Logan.
But when he reached to shake the merman’s hand, Janus yanked it back with a look of frustration, only to hold it out again. Remus realized he was actually offering the metal cuff on his wrist, the one with the bandage wrapped underneath.
“Are you giving that to me?” Remus asked with a frown. “The cuff?” It was pretty, sure, shiny metal despite being from underwater, and etched with symbols, but it was a little small for Remus’s wrist.
The merman hesitated, frowned, then tapped on the tank.
“Oh. You don’t want it?” Remus wasn’t sure what he’d do with it, but if the merman really wanted to give it away, he wouldn’t refuse.
The merman tapped what seemed an overly adamant no. Remus got the idea he was missing something.
“Okay. Does it… do you know how to take it off?” The cuff didn’t appear to fit over his hand, and neither Logan nor Remus had noticed any way to release it. The cuff seemed featureless, other than some symbols that decorated it, symbols that resembled Janus’s writing the day before, but which might as well have been gibberish to Remus.
Looking frustrated, Janus tapped twice again, another firm no.
Ohhh. “So… you want help getting that off? Like the garbage, the other day?”
The merman tapped loudly on the glass. There was a desperate, yet utterly hopeless look growing in his eyes, one that alarmed Remus. It was just a bracelet! A thick bracelet, sure, but it couldn’t be that bad, right? Maybe it had been stuck on him for a really long time or something.
Remus hesitantly took his wrist, which Janus allowed. He turned it this way and that, inspecting it. He thought of the bruised skin around the cuff, currently hidden by bandages, and realized that that was probably the result of the merman’s own attempts to remove it. “How did you even get this on?” he wondered aloud.
Remus heard shuffling steps as Logan came over to see. “He doesn’t have it on by choice? I thought it was decorative.”
“I guess not?” Or if it had been, it wasn’t anymore.
Janus let out a frustrated sigh through his nose. Remus considered trying their pizza box alphabet again, but then the merman took one of his fingers and traced a line along the cuff, from one side to the other. Remus leaned in closer, making Janus twitch uncomfortably, and finally saw a near perfect seam in the metal, which followed along some of the symbols—letters?—etched there.
“I see,” Remus said, and Janus relaxed imperceptibly at the small amount of progress. So, it did open somehow. Or had, at some point. He considered, inspecting the cuff further.
“Does it unlock?” Logan asked. “Is there somewhere a key goes in?”
Janus reached out with his free hand and motioned to a portion of the cuff. Remus squinted, and realized that he could in fact see a small hole there. But it was so small, there was no way his lockpicking tools could fit inside.
“Hmm. That’s way too small for a paper clip.”
“You don’t have the key, do you?” Logan asked.
Janus sighed and didn’t bother answering. His body language, and perhaps the fact that the cuff was still on his wrist, were answer enough.
“How’d you get this on here in the first place?” Remus asked.
Janus, of course, said nothing.
“I guess I could try my lockpicking kit—”
“You have a lockpicking kit?”
“—but I really doubt it’ll work on this.”
Logan held out a hand. “May I see?”
Remus glanced at him with an exaggerated amount of skepticism. “Only if you pinkie promise to stay conscious.”
“Shut up.” Logan brushed away Remus’s proffered pinkie, and very carefully took Janus’s wrist from the other man, at first touching it only with his fingertips. The merman looked uncomfortable, but there was a faint, guarded hope in his eyes.
A silent moment passed as Logan examined the cuff. He ran his thumb over the symbols. “Are these letters?” he asked. “What do they mean?”
Janus’s hands clenched suddenly, and Logan quickly let go of his wrist, practically scrambling away.
Nothing else happened, so Logan shakily cleared his throat. “W-well, It… it looks like it is made of rather strong metal, and as… as Remus said, there is no obvious mechanism by which we can remove it.”
Janus wilted in bitter resignation.
“So… the only option may be to cut it off.”
Janus lifted his head, eyes wary. He put his free hand over the cuffed one protectively. Logan didn’t seem to notice.
“He means the cuff, not your hand,” Remus interjected, before that misunderstanding could become disastrous.
“I—yes, of course I meant the cuff. I know someone who can do it safely. If-if you’ll let him.”
Janus stared between them, disbelief written across his features. He opened his mouth, closed it, then tried again.
“You can remove it?”
The words were very quiet, hoarse, and clearly painful to get out, but they were understandable. Logan’s eyes widened. Remus managed to keep his scream internal—barely.
“I believe my friend can,” Logan said slowly. “Will you allow me to contact him?”
“Only if my lockpick doesn’t work!” Remus assured. He was 99% sure it wouldn’t, but he’d still try.
Janus’s hand wrapped around his wrist. He still looked incredibly doubtful, and the silence went on long enough that Remus almost thought that that was their answer; but then he reached forward, and tapped once on the glass.
…
This was a terrible idea.
Janus knew it. He knew he should be absolutely against any more humans finding out about him. More humans meant more unpredictability, meant more danger.
But if it meant the end of this f*cking cuff on his wrist, he’d do almost anything.
Remus’s ‘lockpick’ hadn’t worked—sharp metal tools that he struggled to fit in the near-perfect seam in the metal, with the only effect a sore hand and a new scratch in the cuff’s surface that didn’t do anything towards weakening its structural integrity.
So, now he and Logan were gone doing whatever they were doing, and Logan was going to reach out to this ‘friend’ of his.
Maybe he actually didn’t know anyone who could get the cuff off. Maybe he’d hit his head when he fainted, and wasn’t thinking clearly. Maybe this was a waste of time.
At least Logan didn’t seem nearly so scary anymore, after what had happened.
Janus leaned his head on the cool glass, letting his eyelids close.
Maybe it was a waste of time to even try to get this cuff off, but undeniably, there was still a part of him that desperately wanted to go home. If not back to his own pod, who would know of his conviction with or without the marker of his banishment, then to another pod. One who had never heard of Janus, the vicious attempted murderer who got off easy.
Mer!Janus!!! This took. SO MUCH hecking longer than I thought it would. To be fair, I didn’t expect it to be a full piece when I had the idea.
Anyways, this is the first time I’ve actually drawn a mer-person seriously, so all things considered I’m really happy with it- not to mention I did it with a computer mouse on Krita, haha... ha........
