#messageinabottleproject

[katkre8sart]

M, whoever you are, thanks! Thanks for giving me hope! Even though I don’t have access to the high-resolution scanner, I will be able to post your story as a series (for now) using my sad little document scanner. #messageinabottleproject lives on! #art #hope #torontoartist #spoonie #medication #callforentries

[messageinabottleproject]

Every Single Needle

I’ve had Type 1 Diabetes since I was 9 years old and I hate it. I hate taking needles and bloodtests. I say they’re no big deal, that they don’t hurt, but they do. Every single needle, every single time, multiple times a day, every day. I hate that no matter how careful I am with my sugars I’m still guaranteed to suffer the ill-effects of diabetes. I’m immunocompromised, my vision is and will continue to deteriorate, every pregnancy was high-risk and both of my babies were born hypoglycemic. I hate seeing specialists and having bloodwork done. I hate feeling weak, shaky and scared when my sugar is low and i hate feeling sick and exhausted when my sugar is high.

I hate that I have diabetes, but I am very fortunate that injectable insulin is available to me. I might not be alive today if it wasn’t.

[messageinabottleproject]

Not Worth The Side-Effects

Not worth the side effects.

[messageinabottleproject]

To Be Well “I need medication to be well.

 I hate having to say so to people who don’t also suffer from mental illness. They usually don’t understand why I “need” a medication to regulate my mood. But I do - and I’ve struggled long and hard to accept that. I’m thankful that there is medication that allows me to be well.”

[messageinabottleproject]

It Takes Strength “About ten years ago, I finally admitted to myself I couldn’t do it alone anymore. I walked into CAMH and asked for help. Over the subsequent months, I was diagnosed with OCD and depression, and was prescribed citalopram. I was lucky; the first medication prescribed did the job nicely. But about two years ago, I noticed I was struggling again. After it was determined to not be related to another health condition, I began racking my symptoms more closely and began to suspect it was PMDD. I got referred to a specialist earlier this year and she confirmed my suspicions. It’s a mild case, but “mild” is potentially debilitating at times. Without medication I can sleep for up to 18 or more hours a day (12-14 is average), and I have several days a month where thoughts of suicide crowd out all else. With medication, I still feel blue andmenstr draggy but that’s a hundred times better than unmedicated. My medications combined cost me almost $14 a day, but that’s small compared to the wages I was losing to my illness. 

 The first time I asked for help, it took me nearly 20 years to ask, in large part because I didn’t want to be someone who needs medication to be “normal”. The second time only took so long because I was waiting on a referral, and I was afraid to switch to a medication that might do worse instead of better.

 To anyone who knows deep down that they could use a hand, ask. Don’t wait as long as I did. You deserve to really live, and taking medication is noting to be ashamed of. It takes strength to admit weakness.”

[messageinabottleproject]

Suffering is not noble

Suffering is not noble.

Why, if you claim to care about me and my health, would you insist I suffer through an affliction if there is a safe, cheap, simple readily-available way to help me through it?

Mesalanine

used for Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis.

a maintenance dose is two tablets or 2.4 grams per day and costs $118.76 per month

a treatment dose is four tablets or 4.8 grams per day and costs 237.51 per month

Apparently, I can either afford to have Crohn’s disease or ever move out of my parents’ house. But I cannot afford to do both. Because that would just be greedy or something.

[messageinabottleproject]

Little Did We Know I found this half-empty bottle and I had no recollection of taking this medication. Only by looking at the date I remembered how anxious I was when my wife Alla and I were expecting our boy, so my doctor decided to help me with this anti-anxiety medication. Little did we know that it would be of no use when my wife had a heart failure two weeks later, went into coma, and died on Christmas day.

[messageinabottleproject]

Difficult Decision

“This is a hormone to treat the symptoms of menopause. It was a difficult decision to medicate myself against one of life’s normal processes but I have no regrets. I’m told I’ll take it for the rest of my life. I’m grateful that this is available to women of my generation. In the past women would have suffered through the hot flashes, night sweats, and depression with no help.”