#meta.me

[selfihateyouithink]

Hi ! A few years back, I asked you how to obtain an official autism evaluation. I finally had my result a few months ago and it was positive. I'm indeed autistic. Without people like you I may have never even knew that I was displaying symptoms of autism. So thank you ! Also, I'm three or four seasons behind on SPN and I want to binge watch all of it before the last one aires but I'm scared to see Cas suffers like always. I hope he has an happy ending at least. That's all I want.

!!!!!!! I’m so happy for you (and so sorry that I took so long to answer this - I’m not on Tumblr very often anymore). It’s always better, in my opinion, to understand yourself in things like this. If you don’t know you, it’s hard to show you, y’know? Like. It’s hard to know what you want, what you need, what you should expect and ask for from others. I’m so glad that you took my help and found yourself out like that.As to Cas, uhhhhhhhh. I wish I had good news for you, but. The last few seasons have been pretty brutal to him and his most focal relationships, and honestly, I would stop watching, if I were you, after 13x06 at the latest. I stopped at 14x06, myself, which is horrifying to describe (but if you want the spoilers, just find my tag for that episode - it’s recent). It just gets worse and worse - especially with the advent of Jack - until Castiel is most of the time, barely recognizable, and never given the respect he deserves.I don’t plan to watch S15, for a reason, honestly. I don’t think the show respects the reality of Cas, as the queer neurodivergent person he is, or as the integral part of Dean’s life (at least, if not both Dean’s and Sam’s) he is, at all, so I’m mostly just holding on until the series is over and I can try and deal with the cathartic release of all those disappointed expectations they’ve been teasing us with fulfilling for a decade.(I’m sorry to say that, I doubt he’ll have a happy ending. They may, at most, give him one where he’s written as content, but Castiel, as he was and as he would be if they respected him as he is, is suffering in silence beneath that contentment. Where there’s fraternity instead of queerness, angelhood instead of humanness, etc.That’s the primary reason I stopped watching. Jack is/was the embodiment of a path chosen away from anything that would make Castiel genuinely happy [literally, in a couple of cases] - as opposed to what the show wanted to do with him that was heedless of who he is, and what he wanted or needed - and I couldn’t stand to watch that happen to a character who’s so me.)

[selfihateyouithink]

14x08 spoilers.

Am I allowed to hate Jack yet, or are y’all still under the deeply mistaken delusion that he’s/that relationship’s ever going to be good for Cas.

[selfihateyouithink]

Having Thoughts, about how Helga/Arnold probably led directly to a lot of the fervor for Draco/Harry 

[selfihateyouithink]

What do you think about the argument that Dean is abusive to Castiel in canon? How would you refute that statement?

I wouldn’t. I don’t think he isn’t, by a lot of metrics, including my own a lot of the time. And I never argue something I don’t think is true, not ever, even if it would “help my case”. (I would, argue, it’s still probably the best relationship either has ever had. But that sad statement, relative to other relationships on other shows that aren’t defined by such frameworks and get to be healthier, is on Supernatural for setting up the situation they set up to begin with for them all. Among other things.)

I would argue, I also don’t think it exists in a vacuum. I don’t think it’s organically part of his character anymore. I think it is a box he wants to break out of, that the writers are forcing him back into, repeatedly, so as to prolong the series by making the journey towards a satisfying ending full of growth stretch out. (A good bit of this, is forcing his toxic relationship with Sam to stay the same so that people will keep tuning in for the same, stale Brothers Shit, which makes it impossible for them ever to have healthy individual lives themselves.)

I would point out how the narrative has established lots of opportunities for him to learn from that and make amends and change, lots of opportunities of him wanting to, and then, for cash-grabbing, terrible writing reasons, as per literally everything else they do, they’ve fucked it up, and he has stagnated and regressed and stayed the same, because they won’t follow through. They never follow through, especially when it comes to Dean’s relationships and Dean’s own personal growth. (So typically, fandom does it for them. We can see the box. He is not shaped like said box anymore. We write what would happen if they opened it and let him step out. They keep him inside it by sheer force of institutionally-empowered will.)

(I would also point out how many borderline abusive tropes [violence, neglect ala ignoring phone calls to enhance misunderstandings or whatever, lil semi-insulting banter, etc.] have been used in straight pairings that have then been followed through with, and ended happily and healthily because they began with a mutual reaction to each other and respect for consent. I would point out that more often than not, the use of them to begin with, is a symptom of attempted dramatization [especially in focal romantically-coded relationships] and suspense and comic relief and such. 

And then I’d point out that Supernatural is not a good enough show to do any of that delicately–keeping the characters’ verisimilitude in mind and treating them like people instead of devices, instead of making it hit like a hammer. Particularly with the irritating, artificially mischaracterizing addition of queerbaiting, that revokes most amounts of emotionally sincere, character- and relationship-related progress that typically follows dramatized violence and/or arguing and such, in many other pairings.

The latter is definitely a huge part of said box, and, the biggest part of the reason that Dean is repeatedly written as abusive, to me, instead of just like fighting with Cas or whatever, in a healthy fashion that will be resolved [see: Buffy and Angel], is because the resolution part, requires dealing with what they’ve established between them as part of their relationship, while the tension, confusion, mistrust, and separation tropes and the like, lets it perennially remain, unresolved, and “not too gay”.)

[selfihateyouithink]

Actually.. why are we (as in other Destiel shippers, because I'm not sure how you feel about the matter) excited about Dabb when he wrote the terribly toxic and codependent 11x17?

Berens wrote that, actually, but Dabb was the showrunner, I suppose, so they’re probably equally culpable. I’m not sure, honestly, in a Totally Logical way where I ‘get it’? I think Dabb has a lot of good and bad writing to look at, and I’m not sure right this second which is more abundant or more definitive. I’ve heard tell that 11x17 was actually Dabb kind of making fun of the Brothers fans (especially going by the title), which I suppose is possible, but it could easily be indicative of Dabb pandering heavily to those particular fans, ‘mockingly’ or otherwise.

As for how I feel about the matter…I genuinely am unsure. It hurts to hope at this point. S11 crushed a lot of my hope with how very, very deprived Castiel was of any sort of emotional payoff, with Dean and otherwise. But then, Dabb said it was to tie up the loose ends and start fresh, so S12 could literally be entirely different. I suppose, the tiny bit of hope I have tied up in Dabb’s showrunning mostly comes from his determination to progress rather than relying on just what’s “worked before”. “Avoiding the nostalgia cycle” or whatever he said. That, in my opinion, is something the show has not fully committed to before now. But still: tiny bit of hope. And painful at that.

I guess the answer to your question, anon, is…because he’s different, and we are all so fed up with the sameness that different seems unequivocally better.

[selfihateyouithink]

aro!dean is also super racist. dean was IN LOVE with cassie. denying that the white male lead has feeling for poc, especially black women, is a long established racist rhetoric. and saying well he wanted her sexually tho in an attempt to save face pretending your arent spreading misogynoir is not helping since that still misogyny/racist rhetoric.

(In response to this.)Yeah, I didn’t feel like it was my place to say that, but I don’t disagree literally at all whatsoever. It’s bad enough that they replaced her as his First Love with a white woman (Robin), but for fandom to act like the ‘in love’ connection he made with Cassie in what, weeks, isn’t actually love and he’s actually aromantic, is…Not Good in a really functionally racist way, I fully agree. 

And I just feel the need, while we’re on the subject, to point out to the public that um, there’s no reason to think Dean wasn’t in love with Cassie, offered by canon. None. He was the one who wanted to make it work, and she was the one who played the “realist” by reminding him they couldn’t. He “couldn’t lie to her”. He begged her to be safe. He didn’t even wanna go back because of how badly it hurt him when she broke up with him after he told her his secret, and his pining was evident the whole episode before they reconciled (and made love). And Sam saw it immediately (in the way he acted with her, just like he has with Cas), that he was in love, because he fucking was.So, like, don’t even try it, fandom, he’s not aro. He fell in love with Cassie fast and it was lasting and strong, he was in love with her, okay? It wasn’t ‘faked’ or whatever nonsense aro!Dean people insist. And yeah, it’s misogynoir (I agree, anon) to suggest that relationship was only sexual by saying it was.Anonymous said:February 25th 2016, 3:24:00 am · 5 hours agoomg the aro dean crowd i cant believe how much they cant accept that their favorite white boy was in love with a black woman.Indeed. I’ve definitely grasped that, yeah. :/

[selfihateyouithink]

[heavy sigh]

This just pisses me off beyond words.

Like.

I keep imagining Dean [who was really little himself back then] picking a comic book and reading slowly since he just learned how to, and Sam listening to every word, with so much admiration and love for his big brother, and how this must’ve made Dean feel¦ How much having Sam by his side, even as a baby, was important for his survival as well.

And just, I keep imagining one day going by where I don’t have to see yet another post idealizing the fact that an abused, neglected, isolated, parentified child had to rely at all whatsoever on a baby for survival because he wasn’t given enough opportunity for stable friendships or to rely on adults who’d take care of him.

Because this is not cute or sweet. There’s nothing good about it. It’s horrific and tragic, and posts glamorizing it like this are bullshit. DEAN SHOULD NOT HAVE HAD TO RELY ON HIS FUCKING BABY BROTHER FOR SURVIVAL. AT ALL. WHATSOEVER. And that he did have to, and vice versa, is why, to this day, they are mired in codependency. Destroying the world for that ~survival~.