(triangle) can you please gush about your quads a little? it'd be nice to see a little gay on the dash :3c
2/10
I will do my best, as I am not the most gushing of trolls.
Atlais is a joy, a cheerful warmth in the middle of a drab ocean. Smiles abound merely because he is in the room, and bubble with his glee. His cuddles could end centuries of bloody war, and I can sink into them for weeks if he’d let me.
Zahhak is as steady as the metal he works with, immune to sliding hillsides and the surprise of traps. Underneath, he’s as complex as clockwork, and ticks with the same consistency against the chaos of reality. He tells fantastic jokes, and it is a shame no one else seems to spot them, but that means more for me. c:
He is... not yet a quadrant, but. Kurloz is a fortress, filled to the brim with rooms of different colors and natures, old and sturdy against the fangs of beasts. He knew me best when we were softer, and thus this side shows easier between us. He appreciates of me what others disdain, and that endears him especially.
> CC + MA : Talk about Arlequin and Justice and Psii a little
Tuesday at 2:52 AM
methodicalauxilium
»- I have an odd question ->
caepaecaesurae
That's promising
Please, any time
methodicalauxilium
»- Do you think, if you had lived, you w001d have taken Arlequin's hand? ->
caepaecaesurae
On Alternia?
Or here and nowv, nowv that wve knowv Beforus?
methodicalauxilium
»- The fact there is a difference fascinates me ->
»- Both, if it's not too much to ask ->
caepaecaesurae
That's more than a bit prickly.
I'll need a moment.
methodicalauxilium
»- Of course ->
»- You can withhold your answer, if you like ->
»- Arlequin just wants me to be angry at him for e%iling me ->
»- The events aren't equivalent, but ->
caepaecaesurae
But they are the twvo wvrongs he has committed ovwer wvhich he most likes to brood, so ...
methodicalauxilium
»- Indeed ->
methodicalauxilium
»- He wants me to punch him ->
caepaecaesurae
The man that I am is not the man that I wvas, and I dearly wvant to say that the man that I wvas wvould havwe had his skin for a rug. ...Howvevwer.
Arlequin wvaited to ask for me to judge him, until I wvas afflicted by an anon that removwed my Beforan half from me.
He activwely wvants to be punished until it is right.
methodicalauxilium
»- The reason I ask is because I was angry, for a time ->
caepaecaesurae
Stains against his honor are hard for him to bear, and continually return to his mind.
methodicalauxilium
»- I think it's petty to ask him to live with it as punishment ->
»- Or lazy ->
»- But... ->
»- It's strange, to think if it's kinder to punish him, or to let him brood ->
caepaecaesurae
I decided I wvould rather livwe in a wvorld wvhere he allowved that incident to pass, and forgavwe himself, and ceased seeking me out for justice.
One wvhere wve could be friends again, as he had provwen wve could be.
I think he wvorries sometimes, that it may havwe been fear of repercussion that stayed my hand.
caepaecaesurae
If you wvish to see howv he may react to wvhat you may do, ask him wvhat he wvould think, if I had performed the punishment or lack thereof.
methodicalauxilium
»- I think he was justified in e%iling me ->
»- So it's hard to think that he deserves punishment, or I some sort of recompense ->
»- I can't even think if I sh001d, let alone what it w001d be ->
»- He's annoyed, that I think it's justified ->
caepaecaesurae
Ask him to explain to you, in wvords, wvhy it is not just
methodicalauxilium
»- He thinks I sh001d not view myself as a t001, to be put away when I'm no longer useful ->
caepaecaesurae
Then attempt to find the causes of each such reason. Particularly wvhether the fault leads to you, or him, or the Empress.
methodicalauxilium
»- He thinks I sh001d consider him a coward, for not standing up to Her ->
caepaecaesurae
If you are a tool, howv does a tool deservwe to be treated?
methodicalauxilium
»- When a t001 breaks, or is no longer useful, it is thrown away, or put away until it becomes useful again ->
caepaecaesurae
He may hush if you tell him you're not ashen for his relationship wvith the empress.
methodicalauxilium
»- I pledged myself to him, and to a lesser e%tent to Her ->
»- When I failed to uphold my pledge, he decided to put me away rather than killing me ->
»- That'd be interesting, w001dn't it ->
caepaecaesurae
He wvill forevwer be unresolvwed about some things.
methodicalauxilium
»- Unfortunate ->
»- Aren't we all ->
caepaecaesurae
His mind chases him in circles, particularly wvhen guilt eats at him.
I suppose wve are at that
methodicalauxilium
»- I told him I felt lost about how to feel ->
»- And I sh001d have known his response w001d be 'angry' ->
methodicalauxilium
»- The world is so different now, my place in it is uncertain ->
»- And considering the perception I held for centuries wound up being wrong ->
»- It's... ->
»- Unresolved is as good a word as any, I'd say ->
caepaecaesurae
WVhen I speak wvith the unreasonable wvho do not listen, I often begin to respond to their wvords wvith inappropriate non-wvork-safe commentary. It servwes as a distraction, and drawvs their mind out of existing loops.
methodicalauxilium
»- Honestly, Caesurae ->
»- Do I seem the type to do that ->
»- I'm pretty sure his pan w001d never work right again if I began using your tactics ->
caepaecaesurae
Oh, aye that. He'd be purple out to his ears if you asked wvhether he needed to be called a naughty boy.
methodicalauxilium
»- Oh god ->
»- Ah ->
»- Are you doing that right now, in a roundabout fashion ->
caepaecaesurae
Hard to say, really.
This all IS unresolvwed, and I don't knowv wvhere answvers lie. I don't knowv if it can be resolvwed.
methodicalauxilium
»- I am not afraid to hit you, Cronus ->
caepaecaesurae
I
methodicalauxilium
»- I don't know either ->
»- It's rather annoying ->
methodicalauxilium
»- Honestly, it's only annoying because Arlequin seems to want an answer ->
»- I was alright resigning myself to the feeling of being lost ->
caepaecaesurae
all i meant, is that i don't alwvays choose wvhat to do based on wvhat is right.
methodicalauxilium
»- It is familiar, after all, even if not for the same reasons ->
caepaecaesurae
sometimes you havwe to just focus on wvhat wvill take you wvhere you wvant to be, you knowv?
methodicalauxilium
»- ... I won't a%ually hit you ->
»- You're right, that's a good way to think of it ->
»- I think I w001d have gotten the same response from Mituna, if I c001d have figured out how to phrase things without making him fuss ->
»- But I c001dn't, so ->
»- Thank you ->
caepaecaesurae
do you wvant him to let go, or seek truth that might not be out there?
do YOU wvant to let go, or seek truth that might not be out there?
methodicalauxilium
»- That second question is far harder to answer than the first ->
caepaecaesurae
i mean
i think he has a point
but so do you
you're both so sure that you're in the wvrong, and flabberghasted that the other wvants in on the action
methodicalauxilium
»- Tsk ->
caepaecaesurae
havwe you considered that maybe it's her fault?
methodicalauxilium
»- Oh, certainly ->
»- It is hers ->
»- And the fault of the society we grew up in, of course ->
methodicalauxilium
»- That one mistake cost me everything... ->
»- But I can't e%actly blame /her/, can I? ->
»- Not actively ->
»- Meenah has her body, and her face, and none of her memories ->
»- And it w001d be f001ish to get angry at her ->
caepaecaesurae
blame condy, not meenah
methodicalauxilium
»- Arlequin is a very action oriented person ->
»- He wants me to /do/ something about it ->
caepaecaesurae
yes, because he wvants life to be simple
methodicalauxilium
»- He's an idiot, life is never simple ->
caepaecaesurae
it's nevwer going to stop bothering him until you can put it to rest
caepaecaesurae
you need some symbol
methodicalauxilium
»- Is it wrong for me to want him to suck it up and let me mourn my time alone in peace ->
»- I don't want to bear the burden of his guilt ->
caepaecaesurae
pff
no, it's not
is there some sort of legal paperwvork thing
methodicalauxilium
»- Hm? ->
caepaecaesurae
like
"your hearing for this is in 10 sweeps and will not be spoken of till then"
methodicalauxilium
»- Honestly ->
methodicalauxilium
»- Cronus, I'm not going to hit you ->
»- Ever ->
caepaecaesurae
are you stubborn enough to conwvince him it is unjust to ask about this before you bring it up yourself?
it might do him some good, and get him to stop doing this
might do you some good to actually grapple some wvith all this an figure out howv to explain to him
methodicalauxilium
»- I'll remember that ->
»- Acknowledge what I'm telling you ->
caepaecaesurae
i'm not entirely done vwith the original topic
methodicalauxilium
»- We can go back to it in a moment ->
caepaecaesurae
If I lose my train of thought, I'm probably not going to find it again
You knowv I'm not that bright
methodicalauxilium
»- You're bright enough, Caesurae ->
methodicalauxilium
»- That was a pretty stark rea%ion to a teasing threat ->
caepaecaesurae
I do that
methodicalauxilium
»- It feels new to me ->
»- Did I miss it? ->
caepaecaesurae
It's a little newv
But I'm fine.
methodicalauxilium
»- You've probably told Kankri about it ->
caepaecaesurae
Generally speaking
methodicalauxilium
»- But you stopped using capitals almost instantly ->
»- And your formality went away ->
caepaecaesurae
I just startle a little. Had a fewv too many jokes turn into reality.
methodicalauxilium
»- I'm sorry ->
methodicalauxilium
»- You're alright? ->
caepaecaesurae
You didn't do anything
Can wve talk abou the other thing?
methodicalauxilium
»- You are alright? ->
caepaecaesurae
Yes
methodicalauxilium
»- Let's talk about the other thing ->
methodicalauxilium
»- Talking about Kurloz being a moron sh001d be easy enough for his two quadrants ->
caepaecaesurae
You both could stand to change a fewv things
methodicalauxilium
»- What c001d I stand to change? ->
caepaecaesurae
He needs to kick the habit of laying his guilt on other people
caepaecaesurae
You... are messed up about evwerything that happened and shouldn't blame yourself as much as you do.
I guess I feel like he might be able to help you get out of that rut some
methodicalauxilium
»- I don't know that I'd call my feelings 'blame', per se ->
»- My a%ions caused my e%ile ->
»- But everything else just ->
»- Happened ->
caepaecaesurae
You're harshing at yourself, to use the vwernacular
caepaecaesurae
I mean I think you logically understand evwerything going into wvhat happened, but logic aside, does wvhat you feel match wvhat you knowv?
methodicalauxilium
»- Arlequin asked me if anyone'd ever told me that my head is messed up ->
»- It doesn't, which is why I feel lost ->
»- I came to terms with what I thought happened ->
caepaecaesurae
WVell... he's all about feeling.
methodicalauxilium
»- But now it turns out that isn't what was going on, and everything was so much less deliberate ->
»- And more messy ->
caepaecaesurae
He missed you, a lot.
methodicalauxilium
»- Tsk ->
»- I was waiting for him ->
caepaecaesurae
You knowv those scenes in romcoms, wvhere twvo guys showv up to opposite ends of an airport, wvait for eachother, assume they'vwe been stood up, and then misunderstandings ensue
That's not a great place to be
methodicalauxilium
»- You're ridic001ous, you know that? ->
caepaecaesurae
The difference betwveen a rom com and a tragedy is if it wvorks out in the end
methodicalauxilium
»- I think neither suit me well ->
»- Can we pick a different genre? ->
caepaecaesurae
nah
caepaecaesurae
Sure
methodicalauxilium
»- Hmm ->
»- Fantasy adventure anime ->
caepaecaesurae
choosing a gesture to symbolically bury and end the wvhole mess, especially one that's just spiteful enough to help me lose the edge off my owvn anger, is my style.
That's howv I do things.
But it's not you.
methodicalauxilium
»- No, it's not ->
»- I'm not one for big gestures ->
caepaecaesurae
You like truth, and arguing.
methodicalauxilium
»- Yes ->
caepaecaesurae
So.. fight to get to the bottom of it.
methodicalauxilium
»- Yes ->
»- Speaking of symbolic gestures of revenge ->
caepaecaesurae
oh?
methodicalauxilium
»- I've finally deliberated my way into a so100tion to my temporary stint as war prisoner ->
»- I have a new assistant ->
methodicalauxilium
»- He used to be a stablemaster ->
caepaecaesurae
Good luck wvith that one
Hope it wvorks out great
methodicalauxilium
»- However it works out, three hundred and sixty six nights of his life are mine ->
methodicalauxilium
»- And I don't have to read the handwriting of the students who never had a proper education in writing anymore ->
caepaecaesurae
Using him to grade papers?
methodicalauxilium
»- That's the first and least of his tasks, yes ->
»- I'm not cruel ->
»- But I am very petty ->
»- And I'm 100king forward to this ->
caepaecaesurae
Sounds like a sure route to peace
methodicalauxilium
»- I think e%plaining the problem was loss of agency cleared things up a lot ->
»- I understand war, I've been through a few ->
»- Prisoners of war happen ->
caepaecaesurae
Aye
Unavwoidable really
caepaecaesurae
Treatment's important though
methodicalauxilium
»- Certainly ->
»- I think the worst thing he will have to face, besides partic001arly petty comments ->
»- Is just dull ->
»- Tutoring students, reading essays ->
»- Substituting, on rare occasions when I can't be there ->
methodicalauxilium
»- My intention is to waste the time of someone important ->
»- Which was much better, apparently, than my original idea of challenging every single fae to a duel one at a time ->
caepaecaesurae
That wvould be a bit time-consuming
Impressivwe to wvatch though
methodicalauxilium
»- My life span has reset, I'd get it done eventually ->
»- I'd win, of course ->
caepaecaesurae
Oh?
caepaecaesurae
Against evwery single one?
methodicalauxilium
»- Of course ->
»- I turned the tide of one war ->
»- I modified myself so I w001dn't be too powerful ->
»- And Arlequin has managed how long on his own ->
»- One on one, I'd crush them ->
caepaecaesurae
The twvo of you wvould be a force to be reckoned wvith
methodicalauxilium
»- Not literally, of course ->
caepaecaesurae
I think the fae wvould regret that
I'm sure they wvouldn't let it stay one on one
methodicalauxilium
»- I'm very merciful ->
»- Yes, it was impractical ->
»- But I c001d have managed, if I put my mind to it ->
methodicalauxilium
»- It'd put a lot of my other goals on hold, though, and this furthers them ->
caepaecaesurae
Keep the eye on the ball
I'm glad it wvorked ou, chief. Or wvill wvork out.
methodicalauxilium
»- I'm sure you w001d be glad, considering your relationship with Arlequin ->
caepaecaesurae
Not sure howv you mean
methodicalauxilium
»- I am talking directly about relations between Arlequin and the Fae ->
caepaecaesurae
Ah
As long as they're mad at eachother about things they actually intended to do, it's a step in the right direction
but peace is better, aye
methodicalauxilium
»- I appreciate your relative idealism ->
caepaecaesurae
Someone's got to do it, I guess
methodicalauxilium
»- It's important ->
»- And I'm glad it comes through your partic001ar filter ->
caepaecaesurae
Thanks, chief
caepaecaesurae
I'm not sure I could tell you wvhat my filter is
methodicalauxilium
»- The filter of your life e%periences and your partic001ar tone ->
»- You're a very idealistic person ->
»- In either life ->
caepaecaesurae
Ironic, really
methodicalauxilium
»- Oh? ->
caepaecaesurae
Orphaner, an idealist?
methodicalauxilium
»- Yes ->
caepaecaesurae
The rom-obsessed liar, mooning ovwer ideals and philosophy?
tsk
methodicalauxilium
»- Oh, definitely ->
»- I didn't say they were good ideals ->
»- Just that you definitely strive for them ->
»- And it shines through your tone ->
caepaecaesurae
Suppose that's true.
I like ideals.
Honor, truth, lovwe, hate, wvhatevwer it is.
Beauty.
caepaecaesurae
The Greater Good, wvhatevwer That is.
Strength, responsibility, on and on.
methodicalauxilium
»- Of course you'd add beauty into the list ->
»- Truth is the most idealistic of all, I'd say ->
»- Or at least, it's idealistic to add it to the list ->
caepaecaesurae
Art and music qualify as beautiful, despite the vwarious other things I think qualify for the list
methodicalauxilium
»- Mmm ->
caepaecaesurae
I don't think truth exists, unless you believwe in it.
Maybe not then.
methodicalauxilium
»- I think it e%ists ->
»- But it is ugly ->
caepaecaesurae
It can be
methodicalauxilium
»- It is hard to find ->
»- Idealized truth provides clarity ->
»- A%ual truth, only if you get lucky ->
caepaecaesurae
But wvhat about the truth, the moment you learned your feelings for Arlequin wvere requited?
WVas it ugly?
methodicalauxilium
»- Tsk ->
»- Cheating, that involves love ->
caepaecaesurae
Evwerything's connected
methodicalauxilium
»- I c001d say a lot right now to make you annoyed ->
»- But I'll let you have a victory ->
caepaecaesurae
I'll take that mercy
methodicalauxilium
»- I like truth ->
»- I like how messy it can be ->
»- I like unraveling the secrets ->
»- But I also like leaving things to shadows ->
caepaecaesurae
It can be beautiful to see howv things connect, or painful.
Choosing wvhich parts to expose is art.
methodicalauxilium
»- That's idealized truth for you ->
»- You know, I kept a lot secret from Arlequin, during the time I was under him ->
caepaecaesurae
I shouldn't be surprised
methodicalauxilium
»- Ah, but are you? ->
caepaecaesurae
It's bafflingly easy to think of you as the eternal straight man, evwen though I knewv you wvhen you wvere young.
Old habit I guess.
methodicalauxilium
»- Cultivated image is important ->
»- But the truth peaks through, if you 100k closely enough ->
»- I'm not sure if keeping these things secret does me any good anymore ->
»- I think it'd disappoint Arlequin if he found out, though ->
caepaecaesurae
Or impress
Or both
Depends on the secrets.
There's a fewv things he wvould'vwe been annoyed at me for
methodicalauxilium
»- Mostly, people I killed for him ->
caepaecaesurae
People he wvanted alivwe?
methodicalauxilium
»- Sometimes ->
caepaecaesurae
That wvill annoy him
methodicalauxilium
»- And people who wanted him dead ->
»- And people who w001d have used him ->
caepaecaesurae
It seems like he ought to knowv, but I wvouldn't wvant to be anywvhere nearby wvhen he did.
methodicalauxilium
»- Hm ->
»- I wonder if he'd want to punch me ->
caepaecaesurae
And I wvouldn't blame you keeping it quiet
...
WVell you twvo probably could use it as an excuse to fight if you wvanted one of those
methodicalauxilium
»- No, I think I'd use it as an e%cuse to not fight ->
caepaecaesurae
It sounds like you twvo think about being hit by the other, a lot. WVistfully.
methodicalauxilium
»- False, I don't want to be hit ->
»- I just thought it was funny ->
caepaecaesurae
Just a mis-read on my part then.
Probably.
methodicalauxilium
»- An interesting idea, to make him want to hit me, and then claim that right as his punishment ->
»- It w001dn't work ->
»- But it's funny to think about, in it's own way ->
caepaecaesurae
"Your punishment is that wve havwe to forgivwe eachother right nowv."
methodicalauxilium
»- Yes ->
caepaecaesurae
"Here's wvhat you're forgiving me of."
methodicalauxilium
»- Yes ->
»- We both desire absolution, in some way ->
»- I don't think I w001d, if not for Horuss, but here I am being annoyed at myself anyway ->
methodicalauxilium
»- I don't think he c001d forgive me for some of it, though ->
»- So it's best if I keep it to myself ->
caepaecaesurae
I think there's vwalue in our Beforan sides, as seldom as I really think about it.
methodicalauxilium
»- He's annoying ->
caepaecaesurae
Inconvwenient, annoying, ... and vwaluable reminders of howv wve began.
methodicalauxilium
»- Hm ->
»- Your younger self is more obviously idealistic ->
»- After all, he did ask me out ->
caepaecaesurae
The less said about that the better
methodicalauxilium
»- You know, the date was honestly fun ->
»- In it's way ->
caepaecaesurae
WVowv wvill you look at the time
methodicalauxilium
»- Is that all I need to do to make you leave? ->
caepaecaesurae
Beforus wvas an embarassing stage for me, sometimes
methodicalauxilium
»- I can't believe that date isn't as special to you as it is to me ->
caepaecaesurae
Fields aren't really my thing
Last Tuesday at 7:47 AM
methodicalauxilium
(✿´ ꒳ ` )
caepaecaesurae
Chieeef, you're killing me
methodicalauxilium
»- Oh? ->
caepaecaesurae
tsk, wvhat am I supposed to do wvith you
Ball of fucking mischief is wvhat you are
methodicalauxilium
»- You c001d try, perhaps, accepting my teasing with grace ->
caepaecaesurae
Grace? nevwer heard of it.
methodicalauxilium
»- You c001d meet me in another field and watch an a%ual horse graze ->
caepaecaesurae
That's graze, not grace
methodicalauxilium
»- I know ->
caepaecaesurae
Different letter, I can see the confusion
methodicalauxilium
»- I thought you'd never heard of it ->
caepaecaesurae
You expect me to be consistant?
methodicalauxilium
»- You make teasing far easier than it needs to be ->
caepaecaesurae
I keep hearing things like that but nevwer can be sure howv or wvhy
methodicalauxilium
»- You have many appreciable features, and that happens to be one of them ->
caepaecaesurae
Terribly complimentary tonight
methodicalauxilium
»- I hope you mean both terrible and complimentary ->
caepaecaesurae
Could be a bit of both, aye
methodicalauxilium
»- We don't talk often enough ->
caepaecaesurae
I keep meaning to bring you a fewv newv pieces I'vwe found, and a fewv drinks
methodicalauxilium
»- That sounds lovely ->
»- Do you have free time tonight? ->
caepaecaesurae
Is any of this because I wvas acting a bit off earlier?
methodicalauxilium
»- No, it's because you're way less complicated than Arlequin ->
»- And as much as I adore Mituna, he's much too insightful for me to go to him before I've figured out what I want from all of this ->
methodicalauxilium
»- I'm being very selfish, don't worry ->
»- I just want your company ->
caepaecaesurae
Flatterer.
sure
methodicalauxilium
»- I'm glad you're flattered ->
methodicalauxilium
»- See you later, then? ->
caepaecaesurae
aye, let's givwe it a try
methodicalauxilium
»- I 100k forward to it ->
Yesterday at 12:47 AM
methodicalauxilium
»- I don't know how I managed it, but for however long, I've held two 'quadrants' that were undefined ->
»- Until the night before last, where it dropped down to only one that remains without a proper label ->
caepaecaesurae
WVho's called wvhat, then?
I think most of mine havwe a bit of lack of definition, I'vwe just picked things to call them.
methodicalauxilium
»- Mituna is my moirail ->
caepaecaesurae
Congratulations, chief. I'm glad you twvo wvork out
methodicalauxilium
»- He's still paranoid about you ->
»- Probably still paranoid about me as well ->
methodicalauxilium
»- I think he's getting better, though ->
caepaecaesurae
I'm sure he is. He hasn't said anything particularly bad in a wvhile, though, and he's decided he's wvilling to try to be friends.
caepaecaesurae
WVhatevwer influence you havwe on him seems to be a good one
methodicalauxilium
»- He a%ually asked me, as opposed to the other way round ->
»- I'm not sure what I'm doing, honestly ->
caepaecaesurae
I meant convwersations in general, but
methodicalauxilium
»- It might just be being a trustworthy c001b100d in his general vicinity ->
caepaecaesurae
Most of the best things in life, one tends to be completely lost during.
methodicalauxilium
»- Have you ever tried writing poetry ->
caepaecaesurae
People say that my wvords come out as poetry sometimes.
But also yes
methodicalauxilium
»- Your philosophical wa%ing is partic001arly lyrical ->
»- Putting your words to verse w001d be interesting ->
»- I suppose you do write music, don't you ->
caepaecaesurae
Ayy
That's me, supposedly a musician
methodicalauxilium
»- Supposedly ->
»- I think I'll need to see proof ->
caepaecaesurae
I'm starting to put out albums, a bit
Hoping to get the local music scene started
methodicalauxilium
»- Ah ->
»- That a%ually sounds interesting ->
caepaecaesurae
I'vwe also started teaching a fewv trolls howv to play
Passing out a fewv needlessly pretty instruments here and there
methodicalauxilium
»- That sounds like something you'd do ->
caepaecaesurae
Artifacts havwe a history, and I think the wvorld wvill be richer for havwing a fewv instruments in it that look like they'vwe come out of some myth
Perhaps not this century, but in time
methodicalauxilium
»- You have a habit of starting myths about yourself, don't you? ->
caepaecaesurae
I enjoy being spoken of
I enjoy havwing stories about myths that no one else knowvs
methodicalauxilium
»- Now I'll know ->
caepaecaesurae
And I am functionally immortal, and havwe no reason not to create a fewv
You wvill
Unless you forget
methodicalauxilium
»- Now, having seen you say that, I will never forget ->
caepaecaesurae
You wvon't knowv exactly wvhich instruments are my wvork, or howv I passed them along to people, but you havwe a breath of it
And so the myth wvill livwe on forevwer
"Cronus wvas bored and likes making pretty things, and gavwe someone a bitchin guitar"
methodicalauxilium
»- When do I get pretty things ->
caepaecaesurae
WVhen wvill you ask
And wvhat wvill you ask for
methodicalauxilium
»- Cronus, make me something pretty ->
»- I don't know, you're the maker ->
caepaecaesurae
I'll bring it ovwer soon, then
methodicalauxilium
»- E%cellent ->
> Psii and DL: Be several kinds of idiots, together.
methodicalauxilium
»- C001d you do me a favor ->
palteringcecutiency
Depends on what it is, of course.
methodicalauxilium
»- Tell me I am being an idiot ->
palteringcecutiency
I'm certain I could do that quite easily but do you have a specific reason in mind?
methodicalauxilium
»- My alternate descendant apparently being unwilling to talk of me and to all appearances being unnoticeable to history in any significant way in a universe I have abso100tly no direct influence over ->
palteringcecutiency
And you wish me to tell you you're an idiot for... being upset about this, I assume?
methodicalauxilium
»- Yes ->
»- Words seem to have been left out ->
»- I am unreasonably upset ->
palteringcecutiency
My my. I certainly can't see why you'd be bothered by your alternate's only legacy being something utterly shameful, possibly the part where you got exiled.
methodicalauxilium
»- E%actly ->
»- It isn't as if I didn't already endure the shame of my a%ions for centuries ->
palteringcecutiency
And continue to, if your reaction to this and other incidents are to be counted.
methodicalauxilium
»- Apparently ->
»- Which is stupid ->
»- I sh001d be used to it, and this is a different universe I have no reason to care about ->
palteringcecutiency
Not an entirely different universe, one that is directly related to ours.
How does one get used to shame from failure?
I'd love to know, I certainly could use advice.
methodicalauxilium
»- I have no clue, but you w001d think applying a few centuries of being able to think about almost nothing else w001d provide some insight ->
»- Perhaps what bothers me so much in this case is it seems you and Caesurae are at least markedly different ->
palteringcecutiency
Ah yes, harping. The best of solutions to such things.
Jealous, are you, that somehow they eked out better endings and your equivalent did not?
methodicalauxilium
»- Apparently not ->
»- It turns out for all irrelevancy suits me, I don't like it ->
»- Jealous is a word that is unfortunately apt ->
»- Though better is not the word either you or Caesurae seem to want to use ->
palteringcecutiency
That was sarcasm, Horuss. Harping does nothing but make it worse.
I would never have guessed, the proud highblood wanting credit and influence. Perhaps you should work on that here, then, if it matters so much.
Cronus escaped a horrid death and I avoided a horrid torturing. The only reason I would not use 'better' is it is a gross understatement.
methodicalauxilium
»- I don't think I will ever be tr001y relevant, the universe does seem to like showing that to me consistently ->
»- ... yes, it does seem Better over there ->
»- For quite a number of people ->
palteringcecutiency
You certainly won't if you refuse to do anything to change it.
And yet you are hung up on your alternate, and hate that you are.
methodicalauxilium
»- I am doing what I enjoy ->
»- That sh001d, by all accounts, be enough ->
»- And yet ->
palteringcecutiency
Things one enjoy come in layers, you realize. You may enjoy what you are doing, but there is clearly more desired.
methodicalauxilium
»- Well yes, but this is what I am allowed ->
»- And I w001dn't know what to do with more notoriety anyway ->
palteringcecutiency
Allowed by whose rulings? Yours? And one does not need to handle notoriety well to achieve it.
methodicalauxilium
»- Artiife% ->
»- I do not do anything unless I can do it well ->
palteringcecutiency
I'm sure you can imagine my eyebrow arched look quite clearly.
methodicalauxilium
»- Very ->
»- But I may need an e%planation for why ->
palteringcecutiency
You are letting your perfectionism get in the way of what you truly want while trying desperately to convince yourself and others that you are fine where you are, and when that does not work, you are blaming another.
I believe now is the perfect time for it.
You are a fucking idiot.
methodicalauxilium
»- At last ->
»- I even got a swear ->
palteringcecutiency
Such an extreme case called for it.
methodicalauxilium
»- Ah, so this is e%treme ->
palteringcecutiency
Oh of course. I didn't think I'd find another fatal case of stubborn stupidity but here we are, god bless the multiverse.
methodicalauxilium
»- Which was the first ->
palteringcecutiency
Kankri.
methodicalauxilium
»- Oh ->
»- That is quite the case ->
palteringcecutiency
It seems fitting for a troll who is sabotaging himself so completely.
methodicalauxilium
»- I ->
»- Sabotaging myself ->
palteringcecutiency
Quite thoroughly.
methodicalauxilium
»- And we arrived here from me being annoyed about my alternate ->
palteringcecutiency
Obviously. It's a direct line, haven't you been following?
methodicalauxilium
»- Up until that last bit ->
palteringcecutiency
You want something, in this case notoriety. You want it bad enough to be upset at your alternate for not achieving it. However, when presented with the idea that perhaps you could have it for yourself, you would much rather find every excuse not to do it and then continue doing the same thing as always, while /still/ being upset that you are not magically obtaining what you want.
methodicalauxilium
»- I ->
»- Well ->
palteringcecutiency
Quite the postergrub, aren't you?
methodicalauxilium
»- For ->
»- Stubborn stupidity, was it? ->
»- Or idiocy ->
palteringcecutiency
Self sabotage is the one I was thinking of, but those also apply.
methodicalauxilium
»- Oh good ->
»- Three in one ->
palteringcecutiency
I'm sure I could think of another if you'd like, to round it out to four.
methodicalauxilium
»- No, I believe that quite satisfied everything I needed ->
»- I c001d even say you have already gone above and beyond ->
palteringcecutiency
So glad I could help. c:
methodicalauxilium
»- Does that smile speak of genuine enjoyment ->
palteringcecutiency
Does smugness count?
methodicalauxilium
»- Yes ->
palteringcecutiency
Then yes.
methodicalauxilium
»- Then at least there is that ->
palteringcecutiency
I suppose it is too much to consider you actually changing what you're doing instead of huffing in a dark corner, cursing things 'beyond your control.'
methodicalauxilium
»- It so happens I am trying to build a reputation better than the former ->
»- Which is a process that takes a while ->
palteringcecutiency
By falling in line and doing nothing to draw attention to yourself so no one deems you a failure?
methodicalauxilium
»- No ->
palteringcecutiency
Oh? Then what is it that you would call what you're doing?
methodicalauxilium
»- I am doing what people need me to do ->
»- That is what I do ->
palteringcecutiency
Lord, Horuss. You're talking in circles and proving me more and more right every time.
methodicalauxilium
»- I like doing that ->
»- What is wrong with it ->
palteringcecutiency
The part where you are unhappy with where it is getting you, perhaps? Or should I go with the self-sabotage part?
methodicalauxilium
»- I am unhappy about what happened on Alternia ->
»- And I am not sabotaging myself ->
palteringcecutiency
So unhappy in fact, you're going to do the exact same thing here and hope you get a different result.
methodicalauxilium
»- I believe what made me unhappy was being useful to no one ->
»- Do feel free to tell me I am wrong ->
palteringcecutiency
Ah yes. Useful to no one. All that nothing you did for centuries, being Makara's right hand troll. Yes, I can definitely see where you're getting that.
In case you've missed the sarcasm again, this is me telling you that you're wrong. c:
methodicalauxilium
»- I believe this conversation is going nowhere ->
palteringcecutiency
Oh is it now? How sudden.
methodicalauxilium
»- You are equating me being upset about the last portion of my previous life with being upset about the whole thing ->
»- You regret the last portion of your life, but do you regret the time you spent with Vantas? ->
»- I do not regret trying to be useful to society, even as misguided as the goals I helped those around me strive for often were ->
»- But teaching is something I chose to do, without outside interference ->
»- I am making a difference in the lives of my students, and even if it isn't the notoriety I wanted on Alternia, or even Beforus, it is something I am proud to be doing ->
»- And I do not take kindly to you calling it self sabotage that I am pursuing different goals here than I did in my former lives ->
palteringcecutiency
Finally, participation. c:
methodicalauxilium
»- It seemed personal ->
palteringcecutiency
It is not that I am referring to when I speak of self-sabotage. I mean more the fact that you are upset and regretful of what happened on Alternia, especially your exile, and wish for something better here, but are far more invested in finding reasons that you /can't/ than finding ways that you /can/. Goals have nothing to do with it, the situations are far too different to expect them to be the same.
methodicalauxilium
»- You have completely lost me ->
palteringcecutiency
Fuck, give me a moment, that was the handholding version.
Which part lost you?
methodicalauxilium
»- How the hell am I sabotaging myself for doing what I enjoy ->
palteringcecutiency
By having those be two unrelated topics.
methodicalauxilium
»- I am sabotaging myself by doing what I enjoy ->
palteringcecutiency
Horuss, you're sabotaging yourself by insisting you can't have what you want, how hard is this to wrap your head around?
methodicalauxilium
»- Apparently, very ->
palteringcecutiency
Apparently!
methodicalauxilium
»- Thank you, for making me realise that what I was really doing wrong was saying something I c001d have sworn I didn't say ->
palteringcecutiency
»- It turns out for all irrelevancy suits me, I don't like it ->
Perhaps you should work on that here, then, if it matters so much.
»- I don't think I will ever be tr001y relevant, the universe does seem to like showing that to me consistently ->
You certainly won't if you refuse to do anything to change it.
And yet you are hung up on your alternate, and hate that you are.
»- I am doing what I enjoy ->
»- That sh001d, by all accounts, be enough ->
»- And yet ->
Things one enjoy come in layers, you realize. You may enjoy what you are doing, but there is clearly more desired.
»- Well yes, but this is what I am allowed ->
»- And I w001dn't know what to do with more notoriety anyway ->
Allowed by whose rulings? Yours? And one does not need to handle notoriety well to achieve it.
»- Artiife% ->
»- I do not do anything unless I can do it well ->
You were saying.
methodicalauxilium
»- Those first several statements were bitter ->
»- And in direct reference to the fact that I was unreasonably upset, despite logic ->
»- And Artiife% is literally preventing me from doing more ->
»- He monitors what I do to make sure I don't teach the children hemist bigotry, and won't let me do more than teach math at the moment because he doesn't trust me with literature or history or anything of that kind where not one, but two lifetimes of bias may come through ->
»- I want more, but I have to prove I am not like I used to be anymore ->
»- And that happens to involve proving I am trustworthy ->
»- So I /am/ happy where I am ->
»- I /am/ working towards the goal that will get me the notoriety I want, in the manner I want it ->
»- And I am doing it in a way that makes me comfortable, instead of following the e%act dire%ion of a system that did not have the best interests of the full population in mind ->
»- The only thing I was upset about was the fact I was unable to get my mind off of my direct alternate ->
»- Which, let me remind you, I knew was stupid ->
»- Because I /am/ doing what I want ->
»- I /am/ working towards a better life ->
»- And even if I didn't want a second, or as it happens to be, third chance ->
»- I am damn well trying to make the best of it ->
»- And e%cuse me if I really don't think this is 'sabotaging myself' ->
»- And as much as I say I want 'notoriety', it makes me uncomfortable to have people recognize me in the streets ->
»- I just want to be important ->
»- And I am ->
palteringcecutiency
...well.
methodicalauxilium
»- I appreciate your attempt to help, but I don't think you understood me ->
»- I value talking to you, and your insight ->
»- But this time, you came to an incorrect conclusion ->
»- I apologize for phrasing things in a way that led you to those inferences ->
»- I was attempting to vent, but I seem to have gone about it in entirely the wrong way ->
palteringcecutiency
...no, this was my misunderstanding. I apologize.
methodicalauxilium
»- Thank you ->
palteringcecutiency
...I suppose you're still rather upset, since I... disrupted, your venting?
methodicalauxilium
»- Ah ->
»- Well, regardless of how you did it, you distracted me from my upset ->
»- So ->
»- I am significantly less annoyed than I was before ->
palteringcecutiency
...I'm glad I could help, if terribly.
methodicalauxilium
»- But ->
»- Even still, you are right about one thing ->
»- Regardless of the utter lack of logic in it, I am still upset that my alternate descendant has reason to be too ashamed to talk of me ->
»- And I am jealous that you and Caesurae, and even Arlequin, got a different ending ->
»- But as far as I can tell, I remained the same ->
»- I don't even /know/ if I did ->
»- But I certainly know that your alternate started a major software company that lived on ->
»- And Caesurae literally lived on ->
»- And Arlequin has a quadrant that isn't just Herself ->
»- And Karkat can be a threshecutioner, as himself, without being killed, which says a lot about the state of the universe ->
»- But I am not worth noting beyond 'my kismesis won't talk about it' ->
palteringcecutiency
It is not an utter lack of logic, it is not as if your jealousy comes from nowhere. Those two gush about those three and have nothing about you, not even when you prod for it, aside from vague shame. It could easily be maddening.
I'd be more surprised if you weren't upset.
methodicalauxilium
»- It is good to know there is some sense to it ->
»- It still rather annoys me that I am so bothered by someone I've never met, who is very likely dead ->
palteringcecutiency
Someone who is your direct alternate rather than some stranger that shares your name, you mean. Literally you in a life different than yours.
And you're not the only one, though personally I wish that timeline never found Tumblr rather than being annoyed at myself.
methodicalauxilium
»- I imagine there is literally no way to feel good about this ->
»- I e%pected to feel glad that I wasn't mentioned, rather than learning about all the embarrassing 'c001d have been's ->
»- But either option is awkward and disheartening in a peculiar way ->
palteringcecutiency
I imagine you're correct, bah.
methodicalauxilium
»- Bah, indeed ->
»- I wonder what changed their timeline so much ->
palteringcecutiency
I cannot even begin to fathom. The biggest start of change I've seen yet is Cronus surviving his meeting with Makara. Something else fucking happened then, he came out a different troll beyond just alive.
methodicalauxilium
»- Hm ->
»- I honestly wonder if anything was different for me, if that is when change began ->
»- By then, I was already e%iled ->
palteringcecutiency
Perhaps? Were you alive still when that happened? I am still unsure of how things lined up.
methodicalauxilium
»- Yes ->
»- I am fairly sure those events were rather close together, in fact ->
palteringcecutiency
Well, yes, I was still a troll, but I was uncertain how long you lived in solitude.
methodicalauxilium
»- A very long time ->
»- I died of old age, rather than anything interesting ->
»- I believe there was another uprising stirring ->
»- I haven't a%ually gotten a clear idea of what happened after my e%ile, for the most part ->
»- Just rumors ->
»- And I have no idea what happened after my death ->
palteringcecutiency
The Summoner's, perhaps?
I was in space long before the banishment of the adults, but I did my best to try to keep track of as much as I could, for as long as I could.
methodicalauxilium
»- Oh, probably ->
»- I am not entirely sure, my memory wasn't as good as it c001d have been ->
»- It is quite nice to not be old, at the very least ->
palteringcecutiency
I can imagine. ...though I have never experienced it, myself. Nor really seen it.
methodicalauxilium
»- It isn't something often seen, especially from c001b100ds ->
palteringcecutiency
It also did not help that I was on the Battleship with Her, and lifespans were remarkably shorter there, or ridiculously longer.
methodicalauxilium
»- Yes, she did have a habit of e%tending lives whenever it was convenient ->
»- I lived longer than I sh001d have, though of course I aged normally after my e%ile ->
palteringcecutiency
...as did I, unfortunately.
methodicalauxilium
»- Apologies ->
palteringcecutiency
You hardly need apologize. You did not remind me, it is something literally etched into my skin. I could not forget if I tried.
methodicalauxilium
»- I am still learning your boundaries ->
»- I don't want to make you uncomfortable ->
palteringcecutiency
...it does not help that they change, depending on the night and how it is going.
But tonight is a good enough night, talk of the helm and Her will not make me uncomfortable easily.
methodicalauxilium
»- So long as you are willing to communicate with me, I am willing to do what I can to accommodate for how you are feeling ->
»- I am glad you are having a good night ->
palteringcecutiency
I am glad as well, things are far easier on good nights. Less tiring.
methodicalauxilium
»- I have been worried about you, recently ->
palteringcecutiency
...what? Whyever for?
methodicalauxilium
»- Perhaps it is coincidence that I seem to have managed to talk to you on a fair few bad nights ->
»- Plus your altercation with Caesurae ->
palteringcecutiency
Those are hardly something to worry about, I can't see why you'd bother.
methodicalauxilium
»- Perhaps, maybe, feelings of friendship ->
»- I do happen to care for you, you know ->
palteringcecutiency
...ah. I. Didn't, no.
methodicalauxilium
»- I had thought it obvious, considering I actively seek out your company ->
»- But if it isn't, I will just have to say it outright ->
»- Even if you may not reciprocate ->
»- I care for you, and consider you a friend ->
palteringcecutiency
There are many reasons one may seek out one's company, but. ...it is certainly reciprocated, I count you among my friends readily, and worry myself over you. Needlessly, probably, but the fact remains.
methodicalauxilium
»- I am ->
»- Incredibly flattered ->
palteringcecutiency
As well you should be, it's rather an exclusive club.
methodicalauxilium
»- I believe you make four ->
palteringcecutiency
That delights me more than it should.
methodicalauxilium
»- I believe I w001d be the same ->
palteringcecutiency
You are... two and a half. For me. If we are not counting my family, I am. Unsure if they would or not. They're their own category in my mind.
methodicalauxilium
»- I think so, but as you like ->
»- I am still e%ceptionally flattered ->
palteringcecutiency
Five and a half with, then. Which is not that many, still. Hardly more than you. Which makes me equally flattered.
methodicalauxilium
»- E%clusive club indeed ->
»- Thank you, for letting me vent ->
palteringcecutiency
Of course. c: I'm glad I could help, as much as I did.
methodicalauxilium
»- You did help ->
»- Even if there was some miscommunication ->
palteringcecutiency
Then I'm glad I could help. c:
methodicalauxilium
(◠ ◡ ◠ )
palteringcecutiency
And you were calling me adorable. Ha.
methodicalauxilium
»- Oh ->
»- Ah ->
»- I don't think the label suits ->
»- But thank you ->
palteringcecutiency
If you insist my emotes are, that one certainly qualifies.
methodicalauxilium
»- Perhaps ->
palteringcecutiency
Perhaps nothing.
methodicalauxilium
»- I seem to be flustered ->
palteringcecutiency
Over doing something cute? How curious. c:
methodicalauxilium
»- Ah ->
»- Nevermind ->
palteringcecutiency
Come now, do you truly expect me to walk away from this? Noble blueblood, flustering because of an emote and a word.
Careful, I might not think just the emote qualifies.
Not if you keep this up. c:
methodicalauxilium
»- Oh dear ->
palteringcecutiency
c:
methodicalauxilium
»- I do not deserve this ->
palteringcecutiency
I'm afraid you do. c: This is what happens when you associate with me, and you've certainly declared your intent to continue, haven't you?
methodicalauxilium
»- I e%pected derision and sarcasm ->
»- I didn't e%pect this ->
palteringcecutiency
Oh, those come as well, do not worry about missing those. But I would not be who I am without constant merciless teasing.
methodicalauxilium
»- Curses ->
»- I sh001d have known ->
palteringcecutiency
It's too late now, you showed appreciation and will never be rid of me.
methodicalauxilium
»- I suppose this is what I deserve, then ->
palteringcecutiency
I'd offer my condolences but I'm far too amused.
methodicalauxilium
»- I think I may have disappear to recover ->
palteringcecutiency
Hiding will only delay the inevitable, but if you must.
methodicalauxilium
»- The inevitable being ->
palteringcecutiency
The teasing to begin again. Or are you planning on vanishing forever?
methodicalauxilium
»- I am vaguely considering it ->
palteringcecutiency
Goodness, so soon? :c Woe, the ranks shrink again, you shall be missed Noble Darkleer, as will your adorable emotes.
methodicalauxilium
»- Oh goodness ->
»- I c001dn't possibly deny that sadface ->
»- And being called Noble ->
palteringcecutiency
Excellent. c: My plan worked perfectly.
methodicalauxilium
»- I have once again fallen victim to your plots ->
palteringcecutiency
Mwah ha ha, as they say.
methodicalauxilium
»- Oh my god ->
»- That is ridic001ous enough when you hear it ->
»- It is even more so, typed ->
palteringcecutiency
You are quite welcome.
methodicalauxilium
»- If only you had said it in person ->
»- You may have managed to hear me laugh ->
palteringcecutiency
Oh really? Well, I'll have to remember that. Certainly can't let that slip through my fingers.
methodicalauxilium
»- Oh no, I have revealed that I am not, in fact, an emotionless robot ->
palteringcecutiency
Was that supposed to be a secret? Goodness, my apologies, I already knew.
Besides, the emotionless machine is me. c:
And I refuse to share my spotlight.
methodicalauxilium
»- I am fairly sure you have at least two emotions ->
palteringcecutiency
Oh?
Do tell.
methodicalauxilium
»- :c and c: ->
palteringcecutiency
Heh. I am torn between protesting that they cover far more situations than just two, or assuming you meant all of that at once as a solitary emotion.
methodicalauxilium
»- Oh, yes, they definitely cover more than two situations, but I did say at least so I am grammatically in the clear ->
palteringcecutiency
Clever clever.
methodicalauxilium
»- I do like to think so ->
palteringcecutiency
You have your moments. c:
methodicalauxilium
»- Now I am really flattered ->
palteringcecutiency
As you should be.
methodicalauxilium
»- I have to find some way to repay the favor ->
palteringcecutiency
I look forward to your attempts. c:
methodicalauxilium
»- I think I need a good night's sleep to be able to manage it decently ->
palteringcecutiency
Then I wish you luck with obtaining restful sleep, and wait for it patiently.
methodicalauxilium
»- Are you going to attempt to sleep soon as well? ->
palteringcecutiency
I'd been considering it, I suppose.
methodicalauxilium
»- Perhaps you c001d attempt it ->
»- Good night, Mituna ->
palteringcecutiency
I will give it a try.
Sleep well, Horuss.
methodicalauxilium: What if Darkleer just stops working and comes to sit Close to Psii.
palteringcecutiency: one: that is really gay, two: he'd startle Psii out of his own head and get him looking up at him with a smile like nothing is wrong, ha ha, what is he talking about, Psii, having emotions, hilarious.
MA: Dl gives him A Look. "You seem to be thinking about something rather intently."
It's definitely gay. especially for dl. approaching someone? what?
PC: soft wheezes at them both
The fake smile falters at The Look, sliding back towards that frown "...something happened on my dash and it is... making me reconsider things. Ones I thought I knew."
MA: "Which things in particular?" .... A moment of hesitation and then, "if you don't mind me asking." One day he will just be nice and insistent, but he's still nervous about it
PC: A soft huff of a laugh? maybe?? and a chirp at that addition. "...friendship, people I socialize with. The lay of the land is not where I thought it should be, and I need..." a pause where he finds a phrase that doesn't sound Too Terrible, "a new strategy, I suppose."
MA: ... Move like... A little bit closer. "... A new strategy as opposed to the one where you are consistently antagonistic at those who want to be friends with you?" Perhaps he should actually look on his dash to make sure he knows what's going on. Maybe. Potentially.
Sometimes. Sometimes, that bluntness of his sounds Bad.
PC: A soft noise somewhere between a sigh and a no accompanied by an eyeroll, even as you shift closer as well, so you can lean on him. "I have made some guesses about people that turned out to be incorrect, and I should adjust for that. ...but I'm not sure how, as of yet. Hence the pondering."
MA: .... Lean. Let's go ahead and check his phone for a bit. "A useful thing to re evaluate, on occasion." ..... A bit of scrolling, and brows go up.
PC: Lean. "Yes. ...it was just a bit of a surprise... unexpected."
MA: ".... Is that an alternate of Meulin and Nadaya, pressed together?"
PC: "Yes. Anon fuckery."
MA: ".... And Nadaya and you are friends."
PC: "...so he said." That came out a little quieter than it should have.
MA: He wraps an arm around him. "I don't think he's likely to lie about that."
PC: Smoosh a cheek against him. "Then why didn't they just say that?"
MA: "Well, you've had two people in one head before, how do you feel when you think of people with conflicting histories? Caesurae, for instance."
PC: Actually eyeroll at that. "Felide does not even know who I am, let alone enough to ride over Nadaya's side so their only response is a scream. And I cannot even imagine what her Psiioniic could have done to produce that drastic a result either, especially with how aggressive Nadaya is with his friends."
MA: "... Even still, you have no way of knowing what her experience is. You may want to wait until he can actually provide his input in a more coherent fashion." Snug.
PC: "And what reason does he have to tell me the truth? If he has been leading me on this entire time, then he would continue to do so. If he has not, the answer would be the same." Shake your head as much as you can without moving. "Direct questions will offer nothing."
MA: "Well, I have talked to him, and he seems to like you. And he invited you to the dungeons and dragons game. He wants to be around you, voluntarily."
PC: "He seems to," you emphasize, "and there are a number of reasons to want to be around someone, not just friendship." A sigh. "I knew we were never to be close, but I thought we had gotten farther than this. It doesn't matter, I just have to adjust."
MA: ".... Just because you think confrontation will get you nothing does not mean you shouldn't try it anyway. People can surprise you, sometimes."
.... Gentle pet?
PC: A sigh, the combination of a pleased one at the petting and a tired one at his suggestion. "Even if I wanted to, they are stuck together for the time being, and probably will not separate for a while. There's no good trying now when I know for absolutely sure what the result is."
Your phone chirps, and you lift it back up to look at a Trollian window with red text, and send your brother back a message.
MA: "Oh, no, that would be stupid. If mentioning you got that reaction, I don't want to think what actual conversation would do at this point." That sure was reassuring.
.... Phone chirp, check. ... Turn blue and shove that back in his sylladex. No.
PC: It's nothing you weren't already thinking. "That's assuming conversation could even occur. I have no faith it will get past 'hello' before they screech, and the whole dash comes after me for upsetting them on purpose." A minor temporary scowl. "If they come to me, I will talk to them, but I'm not holding my breath."
MA: Oh good, he didn't pay attention to the blush. Probably. Hopefully. "I doubt the whole dash would. But it is still wise to wait."
PC: You noticed, of course, but you are very occupied, and not in a good place to poke that particular subject even from a distance. ...and things get more sour as your conversation with Kankri continues. "She has quite a few protective quadrants and clade, and so does Nadaya, with little overlap. And there would be no defense of mine that would quell either of those groups."
MA: "... yes, well." He's doing a fantastic job of reassurance. "Then it's a good thing you aren't talking to them."
Pet pet pet.
PC: A sigh, and you nuzzle into his hand. "...all I can do right now is watch and hope something new comes up where I can see, and exist vaguely in the same place they are, just in case." Another sigh, and you snuggle in farther, a soft purr starting up. To you, there's nothing else to discuss on the matter, as nothing else is relevant, and what appeals is snuggling until these blasted emotions stop.
MA: He tried. at least he can be here, in the general vicinity of Psii, so he doesn't get too locked in his own head. "That sounds as reasonable a plan as any." Pet pet snuggle snuggle, and a soft matching purr starts up.
PC: It was a comfort to hear someone agree with your plans instead of start frowning and worrying, and a comfort to be tucked against him as a lovely distraction away from how much losing a friend, possibly two, hurt. You'll eventually remind him that he was working, if he wanted to return to that instead of being a pillow, as you were fine.
MA: Oh, of course Psii is fine. But of course, Darkleer is terribly cold, and needs cuddles to warm up. Pet pet, purr.
PC: Well, they'd best keep snuggling then, shouldn't they? Nuzzle nuzzle purr purr, congrats on the troll shaped gangle-cat, Horuss.