#microessay

[lucylagopus]

Miradas de bolsillo. Desde el estanquillo.

El reloj marca orden/tiempo. Arriba, entre figuras con gesto teatral, el guion se rompe: anida un árbol. Lo eterno de la piedra; lo insistente de lo vivo. 4:30. La siesta: hora blanda. En mi bolsillo, una nota: La ciudad no reconoce pausas completas. En una puerta gigante —ya abierta— vive otra puerta, pequeña. Se abre cuando nadie mira. Mira. Cierra. Algo diminuto pide tiempo. Otra vez tiempo. Tiempo para el detalle. Tiempo para acercarse y ver. Ojo. Lupa. Silencio. Y las marionetas: colgadas, quietas. Suspendidas en la ficción de una obra que lleva años ausente. Ya no queda aquí ninguna memoria viva que la albergue… solo el gesto, esperando. Los leones como medallones: fuerza sin movimiento. Todo el frente del edificio es un teatro. Y ellas: dos señoras en el balcón, en la esquina, mirando todo. No aplauden. No juzgan. No hablan. Sostienen, solemnes, toda la escena.

[halfcafhaibun]

In the Backyard with Oliver

There is at least one chicken in the yard next door making his presence known with loud squawks, the others murmuring low.

New post.

[kwentoniblack]

Tara, Mag-move na kasi

Ang hirap makalimot, 'di ba?

Hindi siya parang pag-logout sa account. Hindi siya switch na isang click lang, tapos wala na. Ang paglimot, lalo na kay ex ay parang pagtanggal ng chewing gum sa buhok. Kahit anong hugas, may kapit pa rin. Kailangan talaga kailangan langisan at sindihan.

Nakaka-bwisit kasi kahit ilang damukal na payo na ang natanggap mo: 1. Mula sa magulang mong may pinipigilang sermon 2. Sa kaibigan mong laging galit para sa'yo 3. Hanggang sa random motivational speaker sa TikTok na may dramatic lighting wala. Hindi tumatalab.

At hindi kita masisisi. Kasi ang sakit, hindi natatanggal sa dami ng likes sa quote cards. Hindi nabubura sa paglipat ng wallpaper.

Pero kahit hindi ako expert sa pag-ibig — wala akong degree sa heartbreak, wala akong diploma sa closure — meron akong kaunting kaalaman sa pag-alis. Sa pagputol. Sa pag-atras kahit ayaw pa ng puso.

Kaya kahit ‘di mo sundin ‘to, basahin mo muna. Hindi mo alam… baka sa ika-labing-isa, sumapol.

13 Kakaibang, Witty na Paraan Para Makalimot kay Ex at Mag-Move On

1. I-label ang sarili mong puso bilang ‘fragile item’ sa delivery app. Para kahit ikaw mismo, maalala mong ‘wag bastabastang dalhin pabalik sa kanya. 2. Gamitin ang profile pic ng ex mo bilang template para sa dartboard. Therapy? Yes. Assault? Only in your imagination. 3. Mag-donate ng damit niya sa ukay tapos hanapin kung sino ang bibili. Kung mahal pa talaga siya ng tadhana, may kukuha pa. Pero hindi ikaw. 4. Gumawa ng mock podcast titled “Mga Mali Mong Hindi Ko Sinabi Noon.” Walang audience, pero full performance. Sabihin mo lahat. Lahat-lahat. Then delete. 5. Maglagay ng asin sa dating paborito n'yong lugar—literal. Para pagbalik mo roon, maalala mong: “Ah oo, maalat na ‘to. Tulad ng ending namin.” 6. Ipagawa mo ang pangalan niya sa customized keychain. Tapos itapon mo sa dagat. Kung babalik ‘yon sa’yo, baka kailangan mong magpadasal. 7. Gamitin ang birthday niya bilang cheat code sa isang video game. Pag walang gumana, move on na. Even the universe doesn’t want to remember. 8. Mag-recite ng spoken word piece habang nakatayo sa ulan. Pumili ng audience: halaman, aso, kapitbahay na tsismosa—basta hindi siya. 9. Magpadala ng sarili mong sulat… sa sarili mo. Handwritten. May pirma. May “P.S. Hindi mo na siya kailangan.” Gawin mo ito kahit hindi na uso at hindi mo inabot. 10. Bumuo ng “Breakup Starter Pack.” Contains: tissue, lighter, lipstick, playlist, kutsara. Wala lang. Kutsara lang. 11. I-translate mo sa Latin ang mga huling sinabi niya sa'yo. Para kahit maalala mo, parang masakit na spell sa Harry Potter. 12. Mag-acting challenge ka. Gaya-gayahin mo kung paano siya magalit. Hanggang sa matawa ka na lang at mapagtantong: “Tangina, hindi pala siya ganun kahusay umarte.” 13. Isulat ang pangalan niya sa papel. Ilagay sa blender. Wag mo i-on. Tanga ka ba? Pero at least, nandun na sa loob. Visual closure, powered by imagination.

13 Pa Na Mas Malala-Lala na Paraan Para Makalimot kay Ex at Mag-Move On

1. I-doodle ang mukha niya gamit ketchup sa papel. Tapusin mo hanggang kilay. Tapos kainin mo ‘yung fries habang pinapanuod mong matuyo 'yung ketchup face. Magpanggap na nasa cooking show habang nagluluto ng ulam. Pero ang recipe mo: “Ginisa sa Galit, Niluto sa Lungkot.” Ang secret ingredient? Moving on with flavor. 2. Gumawa ng Instagram account para sa bagong version ng sarili mo. Username: @HindiNaAkoYungTanga. Walang followers, pero ikaw ang audience. 3. I-prank call ang sarili mong puso. Tanungin mo: “Bakit nga ba siya ulit mahal?” Kapag wala kang matinong sagot, ibaba mo na. Scam pala. 4. Mag-subscribe sa astrology app tapos iset mo yung birthday mo na iba. Para kahit sa bituin, malito ka kung sino ka talaga — pero at least hindi mo na siya ini-stalk. 5. Gawan ng LinkedIn profile ang sakit mo. “Position: Former Heartache. Duration: Too Long. Status: Laid Off.” 6. Mag-bake ng cookies. Lahat ng cookies, hugis X. Ilang batch bago mo matanggap na hindi na siya sweet? 7. Mag-publish ng fake press release na nagsasabing “Si (Ex) ay retired na sa love industry.” Include quotes from fake insiders: “Napagod daw siyang maging hindi sapat.” 8. Mag-biyahe kahit 3 kanto lang. Iba kasi ang ihip ng hangin sa bagong lugar — lalo na kung walang history si ex sa kalsadang ‘yon. 9. Mag-apply ng lip balm sa tuwing maalala mo siya. Soft lips. Dry memories. 10. Gumamit ng dating app hindi para makipag-date, kundi para i-rank kung sino ang mas okay sa ex mo. Spoiler: lahat. 11. Gumawa ng calendar na may title na “Mga Araw Na Hindi Ko Na Siya Naiyak.” Hanggang mapuno mo ‘yun ng checkmark. Achievement unlocked: Emotional Stability. 12. I-record ang sarili mong tawa. I-play mo ‘yun sa gabi. Para kahit walang may nagpapasaya sa’yo, marinig mong kaya mo pa rin tumawa. 13. Wala talaga sa iisang direksyon ang paglimot. Minsan daan siya sa kabaliwan, sa katahimikan, o sa kagaguhang ikaw lang ang makakaintindi. Pero kung may isa man sa mga ‘to na tumama… ibig sabihin, kaya mo. Unti-unti. Pa-isa-isa.

13 Pang Move-On Hacks Para sa Matitigas ang Alaala

1. Gawan mo ng resume si ex. “Position held: Temporary Joy Provider. Skills: Mixed Signals, Ghosting, Pa-cute habang mali.” Reason for leaving: Hindi qualified for forever. 2. Magpinta ng abstract painting habang galit ka. Pag natuyo, pangalanan mo: “Emosyong Hindi Ko Mabura #7.” Pwede mo pang i-post. Who knows? Baka ma-feature ka sa MoMA… o sa FB ng tita mong chismosa. 3. Magpakilalang iba sa sarili mong baranggay. "Hi, ako nga pala si Regret-Free Rosario. Hindi po ako 'yung iniwan dati sa tricycle terminal habang umiiyak." 4. Gawan ng Spotify playlist ang mga 'red flag' moments n’yo. Title: “Di Na Ako Magpapaloko Ulit Vol. 1” Track 1: "Sorry Di Ako Naka-reply" Track 2: "Busy Lang Ako Lagi" Track 3: "Wala 'To, Kaibigan Ko Lang Siya" 5. Magtanim ng halaman at pangalanan ayon sa stages ng sakit. Halimbawa: Regretus Maximus, Sanaolensis, Huling Paasa 6. Sumulat ng letter para sa kanila… pero backward ang pagkakasulat. Para kahit basahin nila, maguluhan sila—parang ginawa nila sa’yo. 7. Bumili ng candle tapos isulat ang pangalan niya sa wax. Paghilom sa pamamagitan ng apoy. Aromatherapy meets emotional revenge. 8. Magbayad ng utang sa sarili. Oo. Lahat ng effort na binigay mo sa kanya, bayaran mo pabalik. “Sorry self, eto o, milk tea + 1 day na hindi kita ginawang tanga.” 9. Magpanggap na hindi ka marunong magmahal. Tapos matutong muli, pero this time, sa sarili mo muna. 10. Gumawa ng short film tungkol sa breakup. Ikaw ang bida, sila ang blurred sa credits. Genre: Horror-Comedy-Romance-Buti Na Lang Tapos Na. 11. Sumali sa online seminar tungkol sa self-worth. Kung may certificate, iprint mo. I-frame. Ipakita sa future crush. “Hi, certified ako… sa hindi na paulit-ulit sa maling tao.” 12. I-treat mo ang puso mo na parang kotse. Kung sira, i-repair. Kung flat, i-pump. Kung binangga ng ex? Report as hit-and-run. 13. Isama sa grocery list ang “sarili kong respeto.” Pag pinambili mo ulit ng load para tawagan siya? Palitan ng “Skyflakes + dignity.”

At kung wala parin. Bahala kana.

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May kwento ako. Basta sagot mo ang kape ko. ☕ coff.ee/kwentoniblack

[algorithmsoflatecapitalism]

Micro-essay: Computational Faith

References:

Bless This Computer

21st Century Sangoma

This New Religion from a Silicon Valley Pioneer Worships AI as an Emerging Godhead

The Dark Secret at the Heart of AI

Algorithmic Culture

The Cathedral of Computation

Lo and Behold, Reveries of the Connected World

[halfcafhaibun]

specialness

Most people have confused their specialness. People speak of the importance of rules and laws, particularly when they believe themselves slighted, but expect special dispensation to ignore the speed limit or yield signs when they are late to work or just too irritated to sit behind someone an extra thirty seconds on the crowded freeway. Then suddenly they believe themselves worthy of exceptions and justify taking allowances they would not give others.

Uniqueness comes from the fact that we are fearfully and wonderfully made and that God knows every hair on our heads (and even, in my case, those falling out). But behind the wheel, it is too easy to declare oneself a unicorn others must make way for.

[evergreenpoetree]

Reality’s gaze is hard to hold sometimes, so we look away. Or we run. Needless to say, whoever runs from something, runs towards something else. He who runs from poison, runs towards the antidote. She who runs from pain, runs towards relief. 

When we run from life’s pain, we often run for shelter in the arms of art. But what if, in doing so, we run both from our pain and towards it? Because we crave seeing our troubles and struggles reflected in art – but in a more aesthetic form than our rather clumsy, sobbing prose over the phone. And therein lies the relief we seek.

In the arms of art we also find that we are not alone in our struggles, especially when we’re surrounded by shiny smiling facades of other people’s magazine cover lives but don’t know their behind the scenes.

There’s nothing like talking to a close friend if that’s possible, if we’re lucky enough to have one, if they can lend us an ear and empathize. But sometimes we want or need to escape to the screen, the earphones, the page. These times are scary and surreal, pat yourself on the backs if you’re seeking comfort in art. There’s worse places to escape to.  

[ourloveunspoken]

Unspoken Heartache

Unspoken Heartache

Unrequited Love — I know this all too well. Loving someone that does not love you back in the same way. This is common in friendships where one person develops feelings for the other one. In my case, it was my best friend, I liked her but the feeling was not returned.

I met her in my final years of middle school and we've been best friends ever since. Our friendship grew in a flash. It was supposed to be purely platonic, until one day I realized my heart had crossed a line. In my 2nd year of high school, I started to care about her more than a best friend would. I cared so much about her that jealousy started creeping in. I kept pushing that feeling aside, pretending it wasn't there. However, in summer I realized that I can’t push this feeling aside, because I liked her and I could not deny it. In the second month of school I confessed to her I told her what I felt, she rejected me but she still made me feel loved, cared, and reassured me that this won’t ruin our friendship.

My relationship with her was different from all my other friendships. It was full of playful jokes and exaggerated displays of affection — I pushed our friendship into silly extremes. It reminded me of the story “Litany”, the poem uses humor and exaggeration to express love without idealizing it. That mirrors the way I interacted with her. We weren’t dramatic or romantic. We were just two best friends in our playful moments, carrying emotions I didn’t want to admit at that time. Just like in the poem, affection can be expressed in a playful, imperfect, human way and it can be meaningful without needing it to be perfect or dramatic. In my case, calling her my “bb”, teasing her, sharing jokes, and treating her something different were small acts of showing how much she mattered to me. When I finally admitted my feelings for her I got rejected, but it didn’t erase the value of our friendship or the affection I felt. 

Liking her was like a roller coaster of emotions—fear, sadness, happiness, and regret. Most of the time, my feelings brought me more fear and regrets than joy,  which reminded me of the story “On seeing the 100% perfect girl one beautiful April morning”. In that story, the man instantly falls for the perfect girl, but his fear of rejection prevents him from telling her how he deeply felt. This story reminded me of my experiences of fear. Even though I deeply cared for my best friend, I was scared of how confessing might change our friendship, so I tried to ignore it. I regretted having feelings for her, wishing I didn’t feel this way, fearing how this would affect the both of us, feeling unsure of telling her what I felt. I saw her as someone special, unique, and deeply important to me. Even if she couldn’t reciprocate, my feelings made her seem ideal in my eyes. I used to think it was just a matter of ‘right person, wrong time,’ but now I understand that there will never be a perfect time, because our feelings and orientation will never match. The only difference is that I confessed, even knowing my feelings might not be returned.

As my feelings progressed, my mind began creating its own possibilities, those constant ‘what if’ questions. Reflecting on these moments reminded me of a story “If you were a dinosaur, My Love”, which talks about the narrator imagining a chain of “what if” scenarios. The narrator uses fantasy to cope with a painful truth, I used “what if” scenarios to escape that my feelings might never return. "I told myself, 'what if she liked me too?' 'What if things were different?' 'What if we are meant to be but just not now?' 'What if I never really liked her?' 'what if I did not neglect her in the past, would things go differently?” These imaginations made it easier for me, I made myself realize to better cope with the pain I feel. I love her so much but I can’t change what she is, I can’t change her sexuality, and feelings. I created my own fantasies that maybe we can be more than friends, that she can reciprocate my feelings, and if my timing is not right we will be together in the future. These “what ifs” helped me cope. I longed for a version of reality, where things could work out, where love didn’t have to hurt. However, I faced reality, I confessed, I heard her answer, and I accepted it. This reminds me that not everything we can change, there are just things that are not meant to be, and if I can’t find love now maybe I'll find the one in the future.

Ultimately, these three stories taught me that life is full of regrets, fears, things we want to change, but we just need to live through it. If you love someone, you need to be prepared to go through all this because I knew what was coming for me but I decided to stay through it. I risked everything because I’d rather risk confessing than regret not confessing. This shows me that love takes time and you should not rush it. My story began with a friendship that grew but it ended on an inseparable friendship that can go through many challenges. In the end, I learned that love isn’t always getting the answer you hoped for. Sometimes it is about understanding yourself, and respecting yourself. Even though my feelings weren’t returned, I gained a friendship that can’t break even when tested. And maybe that’s the real lesson—love won’t always turn into romance, there are times when it's better as a platonic love. My story didn’t end with a love story, but with a love transformed into a friendship that I wouldn’t trade for anything.

[shananys]

Posted @withregram • @artbugallery Elemental Phenomena: The Encounter of Two Worlds. Abstract of @shananys art review: “A quite contrary garden grew inside a downtown Los Angeles gallery in late Autumn of 2022 — as beds of outlandishly hued, splayed and chunky succulents nestled on mirrored angular hillocks under a sweeping canopy of cascading wires, sparkling lights, ghostly blossoming trellises, and ethereal sounds. This fantastical environment was cultivated by Xaus Kahal with El Salón Arte from objects and gestures by sculptor Guadalupe Quesada and Organized Matter (the design studio of James Benn and Krislyn Komarov) to expand what nature and the esoteric landscape can be — and can be made of. Subtly overwhelming, charming and queasy, full of surprise and delight, but impossible to get your bearings — Eternal Phenomena expresses in material form the sensation of paradox at the cusp of ecology and industry…” #contemporaryart #artinlosangeles #microessay (at Artbug Gallery) https://www.instagram.com/p/CnFY61BP6YD/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=