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Milburn (Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader)

(My gif, actually)

Author Masterlist

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Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader.

Summary: Spencer and Reader’s married life is not going so well lately. After Spencer’s months in jail, things have gotten rocky between them. So much so that they even make a decision they could regret forever.

Word Count: 7,6k

Warnings: Heavy discussions; strong language; divorce is mentioned; GSW mentioned, blood and hospital stuff are mentioned; let me know if I forget something. Angst with a hopeful ending.

A/N: I wrote this one for Foxy’s Milestone Writing Challenge (@foxy-eva). Congratulations, my friend! You are a fantastic writer and person! I used the prompt, “We can make it through this. I’m not leaving your side.”

I did this one based on this request too! Thanks for reading, and keep sending me requests!

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“Why are you saying that? I don’t know what you are talking about!” Spencer stood from the couch, facing (Y/N) and crossing his arms over his chest.

“Don’t you? I thought you were a genius,” she mocked, waving her hand.

“Not need to be sarcastic,” Spencer huffed. “And keep your voice hush; Evie could wake up.”

(Y/N) raised an eyebrow and scoffed.

“Are now you worried about our daughter’s sleep? You have been arguing with me for solid forty-five minutes,” she growled, dropping her hands to her sides. (Y/N) started to feel the fatigue of being arguing with Spencer.

“Forty-eight minutes and twenty-two seconds,” Spencer corrected, checking his watch. “And you started this fight; it wasn’t me,” he defended, starting to pace in the room.

“God, Spencer. You are so infuriating. Can you stop pacing? It doesn’t help my nerves,” (Y/N) scolded, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“I am the infuriating one? You’re one to talk,” he sneered, a glimpse of annoyance in his eyes as he stood in front of her again, grasping the nearest chair’s backrest tightly.

“Yeah. You are. And sometimes, I think you do it on purpose,” (Y/N) accused, clutching her tea mug in her hands.

“What? Do you mean that I want to annoy you on purpose? Come on, (Y/N). Why would I do that?” Spencer jeered.

“How the hell would I know?! But we fought like this every time I tried to talk to you. And I don’t want to fight anymore.”

“Then don’t do it.”

“Fuck, Spencer. Could you admit at least that you have responsibility for this too?”

“It’s my fault you can’t control the urge to argue with me?”

(Y/N) rolled her eyes. This wasn’t leading anywhere, and Spencer didn’t seem like the one to back down this time.

“We can’t communicate this way, Spencer. Just we can’t,” she cried in defeat, pressing her palms over her eyes.

Spencer kept his place in front of her, but he didn’t say anything. That made (Y/N) angrier.

“You know what? I’m done with this shit. I’m fucking tired, and it’s not fair,” she let out, standing from her spot on the couch.

Spencer narrowed his eyes.

“What it suppose that means?”

“Exactly what I said. I think...” (Y/N) started to talk, but she stopped. A sense of fear ran down her spine for what she wanted to say.

“You think what?!” Spencer urged.

(Y/N) shut her eyes and let out a deep sigh to soothe her breathing. Then she looked directly at Spencer.

“I think that if we can’t stand each other... we should divorce.”

Spencer’s eyes widened. This wasn’t the first rough argument he had with his wife in the past months, but no one mentioned divorce until now.

“What? Are you fucking kidding me right now?” He asked in disbelief.

“No. I’m not. I’m very serious, Spencer. Can’t you see it? These past months have been torture for both of us. We can’t talk, we can’t stay in the same room without arguing. Are not you exhausted?” (Y/N)’s voice trembled with emotion, recalling the past months. Tears threatened to escape.

“So because you’re exhausted, we should divorce. What a solution, (Y/N),” he mocked. Spencer didn’t think she was talking seriously about that; he thought she must be trying to scare him.

“Who is being the sarcastic one now, uh?” She scoffed.

“I can’t believe you are truly considerating it as an option.”

“What should we do then? Which is the solution for us, Spencer? I mean it. Tell me the best way to solve this, and I’ll take it.”

Spencer didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t sure about how to repair their damaged relationship.

‘What the hell happened in the past months?’ he asked himself. ‘Had they stopped loving each other just like that?’

Seeing that Spencer was speechless, (Y/N) let out a deep sigh. This exactly proved her point.

He was about to say something when his phone went off. (Y/N) looked at him thinking if he would answer.

Immediately she scolded herself: obviously, he would take the call. It was naive even to think the opposite.

“Reid,” he answered, gaze still focused on (Y/N).

She had a garbled expression—a mix of annoyance and disappointment.

“Okay. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Hanging up, he shoved his phone into his pocket. Still staring at her, Spencer knew he must have said something. He couldn’t leave like this. Could he?

But words failed him. Again.

“I know,” she mumbled before he could speak, grabbing her mug and heading to their bedroom. She didn’t need the words right now.

In complete silence, Spencer took his go-bag and left the apartment. He thought it was better this way than to say something he could regret later.

(Y/N) knew how it worked. Her life with Spencer took this path months ago. Whether they were talking about something important, having a family dinner, watching a movie, or having sex, Spencer leaves right after receiving the call.

It’s not that she didn’t know what she signed for when she married him, but the lack of communication had been taking a toll on them. Most of the time, when Spencer was away in cases, she didn’t hear a word from him. He didn’t talk to her at home either, choosing to spend the little time he had at home with their five-year-old daughter, Evelyn.

Their sweet Evie. (Y/N) believed that Spencer only tolerated her because of Evie. She was the only one who could make Spencer genuinely smile these days. How could she not? Evie is the sweetest and most intelligent little girl in the world. And she adores her dad. The bond between them settled the day she was born and never has dimmed—no matter the days or weeks away or the unholy hours when Spencer comes or leaves home, Evelyn loves her dad. Spencer is her hero.

(Y/N) never would say Spencer is a bad father, quite the opposite.

But as a husband, things were pretty different.

Not always have been like this, though.

-

(Y/N) and Spencer met nine years ago.

(Y/N) worked as a college teacher and researcher in Georgetown and decided to partake as a speaker at a conference hosted by the Social Science Faculty that year.

As a computer scientist with a Sociology Ph.D., her research topic was deviant social behavior in the online environment.

It turned out that Spencer attended the same conference as a guest speaker in Psychology. He checked the presentation’s schedule and found himself in (Y/N)’s talk because he was very interested in the topic.

But once he saw her speak, it wasn’t just the topic that interested him.

At the end of her presentation, he approached (Y/N) to congratulate her and ask some questions. She was pleasantly surprised to see his enthusiasm.

At the end of the conference, they exchanged numbers, and some days after, they met to grab a coffee.

Little cute dates led to a beautiful relationship.

Both were head over heels for each other.

They dated two years until Spencer proposed during a romantic dinner celebrating their anniversary.

They married six months later, and one year after that, Evelyn was born.

Since the beginning, they have been very respectful of each other jobs. (Y/N) She knew Spencer’s life had been the BAU for almost twelve years, and even though she sometimes knew it turned into a dangerous job, she trusted him and his promise to stay safe and return to her.

On the other hand, (Y/N) loved her job at Georgetown, and being a college teacher brought her satisfaction and the sense of doing something worthy.

Their dynamic worked perfectly fine until Spencer went to jail a year ago after being falsely accused of murder.

Spencer’s three months at Millburn Correctional Facility hit the Reids hard. Spencer tried to stay mentally sane in a horrible place while (Y/N) looked for ways to help and support her husband, raising a 4-year-old girl.

Once Spencer was released, things turned awkward between them.

Spencer felt out of place and started to have recurring nightmares he didn’t want to share with (Y/N). Spencer thought that focusing on work might make the demons go away faster. But that only brought distance between them. Spencer stopped talking to his wife about what was happening to him, and despite (Y/N)’s attempts to make him feel comfortable trusting her, Spencer didn’t change his attitude.

Then the arguments started. At first, they were sporadic, and Spencer or (Y/N) could back off quickly to end the fight. But after a couple of months, the arguments increased in number and heaviness. It could be a significant issue like Spencer’s working schedule or little things like Evie’s toys scattered on the floor.

(Y/N) understood that Spencer could be facing a hard time, but after these months, things only worsened. And she didn’t know what to do.

She voiced the ‘divorce’ option, but it wasn’t the outcome (Y/N) wanted. She loves Spencer and still believes there is a way to make it work, but if Spencer can’t realize the rough patch in which they are, things will not change.

-

Spencer kept thinking about the last argument with (Y/N). In the jet heading to Louisiana, he barely paid attention to the case review. JJ noticed and approached when everyone was in their own business before touching down.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Everything is fine,” Spencer mumbled.

“Spencer, your body might be here, but your mind doesn’t. Can I help?” JJ insisted. She knew her friend very well to know he was deflecting.

“It’s uh - I fought with (Y/N) before I got called. I mean, we were on that when I got called.”

JJ gave him an apologetic look.

“Oh. I’m sorry. But I’m sure you can talk about that when you come back.”

Spencer shook his head.

“I don’t know, JJ. This time it felt different, you know?” JJ raised an eyebrow.

Spencer’s words sounded painful and a bit scary.

“Different like what?”

“As if everything between us is lost,” he worded. JJ rested her hand over his knee.

“Hey! Don’t say that. You love each other, and you love Evie. You’ll figure it out,” she tried to reassure him. Spencer only gave her a tight smile.

-

During the days Spencer was out, (Y/N) put her energy on her job and Evie. She didn’t want to think about what would happen when he returned. Could it be a denial state? Maybe. But (Y/N) wanted to fix things with her husband. But things tend to happen oppositely sometimes. This was one of those times.

Five days took the team to wrap up the Louisiana case. Exhausted, Spencer stepped into the apartment. It was around noon.

He didn’t expect that someone would be there. Evie should have been in school and (Y/N) in college. When he saw (Y/N) on the couch grading papers, he stopped in his tracks.

During the flight, he tried to think of some way to talk to (Y/N), but he was so tired and frustrated that he fell asleep.

Now he was standing there without knowing what to say.

“Hey,” (Y/N) greeted him. “I didn’t know you were coming home today,” she pointed. A subtle way to say he didn’t text her or call her. Not that (Y/N) was surprised, though.

“Uh. Yeah. I didn’t know you were here. I thought you were in classes or something,” Spencer admitted, putting down his go-bag and peeling off his coat.

“I - I don’t have to go to campus on Thursdays. Uh, it has been like this for a time. Three months to be exact,” she pointed with a sad voice. He had forgotten her schedule.

Spencer-’eidetic memory’-Reid forgot his wife’s work schedule.

“Right. Eh, well. I’m going to take a shower.”

And like that, he moved quickly to the main bedroom.

God, (Y/N) wanted so bad that Spencer could say anything to make it up for the past days. A lame I’m sorry would have been enough for her.

Anger rose in (Y/N). It was unfair, and she felt ignored by the man she loved the most. She followed him to the bedroom, storming in.

“Spencer, what the fuck is wrong with you?!”

Spencer turned to see her on the threshold, hands in her hips, eyes burning holes in him.

“Nothing,” he replied calmly, turning to resume his task of selecting clothes from the dresser.

“You can’t be serious. We were arguing when you left five days ago, and now you don’t have anything to say?”

Spencer huffed. He didn’t want to have this conversation right now.

“Are you insisting on that? Please (Y/N), give me a break.”

“I just want to understand. I need to make sense of why things are like this. What happened, Spencer?” (Y/N) asked, softening her voice to convince her husband to talk to her.

Spencer shook his head. No, he didn’t want to say anything.

Spencer wanted to run away and be left alone. He was so tired of people asking him why he wasn’t okay.

“You know what happened! And you know that I don’t want to talk about that!” He spat. (Y/N) dared to take a step forward. She needed him to talk, to say what was really bothering him. Since Milburn, Spencer never wanted to speak to her about what happened there.

“I understand that it was a nightmare for you. And I can’t imagine how hard it was for you to survive there. But you need to move on, love. Please, let me help. We can do this as a team...”

(Y/N) tried to reach his arm—a way to convey that she was there for him, but he didn’t let her.

Spencer’s eyes filled with anger.

Move on? How does she dare to say that?

“Don’t!” He yanked his arms from her grip. “You don’t know anything! You dare tell me to move on; you weren’t locked there!”

“I know I – I wasn’t, but...” (Y/N) stuttered.

“But nothing! I thought you were different. But you only think about yourself. You don’t care about me!” Spencer yelled, throwing the clothes he had in his hand to the floor. (Y/N) took a step back, startled at her husband’s outburst.

“You are being unfair, Spencer. That’s not true, and you know it.”

Spencer breathed a laugh.

“Unfair? I’ll tell you what it’s unfair: to bear with you knowing you are the half of the person I fell in love with. That’s unfair!”

(Y/N) could swear that of all the times they’d argued, it was the first time she’d seen him so upset. She knew that Spencer could be very hurtful with his words, but this had reached a new level in their relationship.

“What? What is supposed that mean?”

“It means that this marriage is over! Are you tired of this? Well, me too. So let’s end it! I’m done!”

“Spencer, you are angry, and I get it, but...”

“Oh hell, I’m angry. Angry and fed up. It’s over (Y/N). I’m leaving. That’s what you wanted, right?”

“No! I - I - of course not!”

“Well, too late. You should have thought of that earlier. It’s over now. I hope we can agree on something so Evie won’t be affected by this.”

Spencer’s voice was so cold now. It was like he didn’t feel anything. Like he wasn’t affected by the weight of his words. (Y/N) was so shocked that she couldn’t say anything, just letting the tears run down her cheeks.

“I can pick her up from school today if you can’t,” he offered.

That brought (Y/N) out of her stupor.

“Don’t bother. Just – just leave!” (Y/N) yelled, heading to the bathroom. She couldn’t stay in front of that man she didn’t recognize any longer.

-

Spencer thought that loneliness would help him to reach the calm he needed. But he was wrong. So wrong.

A week passed since he left the apartment he shared with (Y/N), and an intense ache settled in his heart.

After (Y/N) told him to leave, and he did so, regret came quickly. He reacted in the worst way imaginable. He hurt (Y/N) with his words, and now she hated him.

Spencer - encouraged by Luke, who gave shelter to the resident genius in his house – tried to call (Y/N) the next day, but she didn’t answer.

In the days that followed, Spencer Reid started to feel the actual consequences of his actions.

The distance, the coldness, and the fights were issues, but he had responsibility for that, and he didn’t admit it in time.

Spencer himself pushed (Y/N) away. Not because he stopped loving her. He did it for his inability to talk about his inner struggles.

Showing vulnerability wasn’t an option after what happened in Milburn. No, he should have been strong enough for his wife and daughter.

But reality showed that he failed when he thought it was better to keep that trauma to himself.

Now Spencer had made a big mistake and didn’t know how to fix it.

The times he tried to talk to (Y/N), she made her sister Sara answer the phone. If he needed to coordinate picking up Evie or something related, Sara spoke to him.

Spencer thought that maybe after some days (Y/N) would agree to talk to him again, but days became weeks, and there wasn’t any change.

The phone calls with Sara turned into a chance to beg her to pass the phone to her sister. The visits to the apartment ended similarly. Spencer couldn’t speak to (Y/N).

Once he picked up Evie from school, the little girl asked him why he wasn’t sleeping in their home. Spencer hated lying to his daughter, but things were complicated.

The worst part was he started to think that maybe it was the best for (Y/N) if he stayed out of her life. He did too much damage to her already. Perhaps with time, she could find someone who genuinely deserves her and can make her happy.

He would have to keep satisfied with the chance of staying in his daughter’s life. So he stopped trying. No more phone calls, no more attempts to see her.

Their friends were shocked when they noticed that neither (Y/N) nor Spencer had been doing something to fix things. JJ was one of the most concerned. She grew fond of (Y/N) quickly after knowing her, and she witnessed how much she endured when Spencer was in Milburn.

A bunch of times, she tried to talk to them, but Spencer was determined to let (Y/N) go, and (Y/N) was convinced that Spencer didn’t love her anymore. That’s why (Y/N) didn’t talk to Spencer.

The day he left, (Y/N) felt how her world crumbled, and any hope she could have died at that moment.

When he called the next day, and the following days, she expected it was to humiliate her again, and she hadn’t the strength to resist it. Even if he thought to apologize, she wouldn’t have believed him, not after what he did.

-

A whole two months passed.

Spencer and (Y/N) decided to start the divorce papers.

They could talk by phone and in person but only related to Evie and how they would arrange the divorce. Evie was the top priority, so they agreed to have a civilian relationship and provide all their daughter could need.

They told her that daddy was no longer living with her and mommy, but that didn’t mean that daddy wouldn’t be there for her.

The child’s confusion pained them, but both (Y/N) and Spencer thought it was better than having two parents at home fighting all the time.

Despite the facade of civilian adults they had in front of each other and people, tears made their appearance every time they were alone in bed at night.

In moments like those, the open wound in their hearts bled the most.

(Y/N) silently sobbed. She still loved Spencer. How could she not? She would have given anything to hold him. To support him. To help him in his healing process. But if he didn’t want her by his side, there was nothing more that she could do, and she won’t beg him for something that didn’t exist anymore.

Spencer punished himself by repeatedly repeating that (Y/N) is better without him. He’s a damaged good and not worthy of (Y/N)’s love.

He even took off his wedding band to convince himself there was no way back.

Now work was a welcoming distraction for Spencer. Even the load of paperwork on his desk that Wednesday. With coffee in hand, he barely stood from his desk. Head down in the last case files until his phone went off.

Spencer answered, not looking at the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“Dr. Reid. I’m Malory Hudson from Evelyn’s school.”

“Oh, good afternoon, Miss Hudson. What can I do for you?”

“I’m wondering if you were who has to pick up Evie today. Ms. Reid hasn’t shown, and I called her several times without success.”

Spencer frowned. They agreed that (Y/N) had to pick up Evie on Wednesday, and (Y/N) always did it.

“Uh, no. But I’m coming now. Thanks for letting me know.”

“It’s no problem.”

Spencer called (Y/N), but the voicemail jumped immediately. That was odd; she never turned off her phone, even when she didn’t want to talk to him.

“What’s wrong?” Emily asked. She and JJ have been looking at Spencer since he got the call.

“I need to pick up Evie from school. (Y/N) didn’t show up and is not answering the phone. It goes straight to voicemail.”

“Maybe she didn’t charge it?” JJ wondered.

“I don’t know, but it never happened before.”

Emily and JJ noticed Spencer’s worried face. Despite what was going on between them, Spencer was still the person who knew (Y/N) better.

“Do you want us to check on her?” Prentiss asked.

“No. I mean, probably it’s nothing. And (Y/N) will freak out if she sees you there.” Spencer said as he dialed (Y/N)’s number again.

“Tell you what. I will pick up Evie, and you can check on (Y/N). So you’ll know if Evie has to stay at yours today,” JJ offered.

Spencer thought for a second. They would have to talk either way, so it would be better to do it now, supposing she was there.

“Okay. I’m calling the school to tell them.”

-

In the taxi on his way to the apartment, Spencer called (Y/N) again. He felt uneasy. Maybe it was nothing, but something in his guts felt wrong.

Arriving at the building, he strode stairs up quickly. He found no one in the hallway. It wasn’t rare due to the hour. On this floor, almost everyone had jobs out of the house. At (Y/N)’s door, he knocked twice. Nobody answered, but he could hear a faint rustling sound from inside. He grabbed the knob and turned it; he noticed the door wasn’t locked. Something was wrong. Aiming his gun with one hand, he opened the door slowly with the other.

The sight he found was something he wasn’t expecting. (Y/N) was back on the floor, coated in blood, trying to move. The floor exhibited a trail of blood from the living room to the hallway where (Y/N) lay. Spencer ran to check on her.

“(Y/N)?!”

Kneeling, he saw her covered in blood, whining in pain. She was shot, apparently in her abdomen, but Spencer wasn’t sure.

“Fuck! Hey! (Y/N), look at me. Can you hear me?!” He probed, touching her torso to locate the blood’s source. At the same time, he grabbed the phone to call 911.

“A woman with GSW in Connecticut Ave 326, apartment 23. An unknown subject possibly attacked her. The wound - the wound is located in her abdomen. It seems she has lost a lot of blood. Oh my- please, hurry up.” Tosing the phone to the floor, Spencer slid off his jacket to press (Y/N)’s wound. She screamed in pain from the pressure. Spencer grabbed her left hand to make her react by squeezing it. A lump formed in Spencer’s throat. His eyes couldn’t avoid noticing that she was still wearing her wedding band.

“(Y/N), please. Stay with me. Squeeze my hand. The help is on the way.”

Barely conscious, (Y/N) squirmed in pain, mumbling something.

Spencer leaned down to hear what she was trying to say.

“Evie. Evie,” she repeated in a whisper.

“She is okay. Evelyn is fine. She is with JJ right now,” Spencer informed, hoping that if she knew their daughter was okay, she could focus on her breathing and be less agitated.

“I’m sorry,” (Y/N) mumbled again, feeling her eyes heavy and her body numb.

“No. Don’t apologize.”

“Take care of her, please,” she mumbled, tears flooding her eyes.

“Don’t say that. You will be fine. Just hold on,” Spencer was crying too.

Spencer panicked when (Y/N) shut her eyes and didn’t reply.

“Please (Y/N), don’t leave me.”

The paramedics arrived just minutes after, parting Spencer away to check (Y/N)’s vitals and her wound.

“(Y/N)! Please! Evie needs you...” he sobbed, realizing how bad the situation was. The medical staff kept working on (Y/N).

They quickly placed (Y/N) on a stretcher to carry her into the ambulance waiting outside the building. Her pulse was weak, and they feared she could flat right there.

“Sir. Are you a family member?” A paramedic asked Spencer, who was still in shock.

“Yes. I – I - She is my wife,” he stuttered, seeing his hands covered with (Y/N)’s blood.

“We’re heading to the WHC right now,” she informed. Spencer nodded and followed her downstairs.

In the ambulance, Spencer texted Emily a very cryptic message, but she understood, and the team was at (Y/N)’s apartment in no time. Prentiss also notified JJ to stay with Evie in her home with the boys until further notice.

The emergency team took (Y/N) to the ER immediately. Spencer rushed behind them, but an ER nurse stopped him.

“Sir. Sir! You can’t go in there. You’ll have to stay in the waiting room.”

“But, she- she’s my wife. I need to -”

“Sir. We are doing everything we can. Please, go to the waiting room.”

Spencer couldn’t understand what was happening. This looked like a scene he frequently witnessed at work, with the victims, the unsubs, and the team. He got shot a few times too. But (Y/N)? Why her? In her own apartment? Nothing made sense to him. Sitting on an uncomfortable chair in the waiting room, Spencer tried to keep calm but failed. Recalling the times he had said ‘my wife’ in the past hour brought him the pang of their separation again. Seeing (Y/N) still using her wedding band made him feel terrible.

“What have I done?” He wondered as the tears ran freely down his cheeks. With both hands, he held his head down. This was a nightmare. It was undoubtedly worse than those that appeared after Milburn because this was pure reality.

JJ was the first one to arrive at the hospital. She quickly pulled Spencer into a hug, and he broke. Sobbing hard, Spencer clung to JJ, trying to let out the frustration, the guilt, the pain. JJ assured him that she’ll be there for him and that Evie was safe in her house with Will and the boys.

One hour later, there wasn’t any news about (Y/N)’s condition. But the team arrived at the waiting room. Prentiss had a stern look as she sat beside Spencer.

“Any news?” Emily asked. JJ and Spencer shooked their heads. Spencer, who had his eyes fixed on the floor, shifted his gaze to Emily and noticed she knew something he didn’t.

“What did you find?” He asked. Prentiss cleared her throat, handing him a little piece of paper.

“We found this on the coffee table,” she said. Spencer read the message, and it was like the world had stopped.

‘Hi, Spencie. Did you miss me? I thought of reminding you that you never will be happy with another woman that isn’t me. You know where to find me.’

Spencer’s hands started to shake. This couldn’t be real. He thought Cat Adams couldn’t do more damage than she already had done. He’ll kill that woman.

Spencer was about to storm out of the waiting room when Prentiss stopped him.

“Not even think about that. You will not go to see Cat. Now you have to think about (Y/N) and Evie. She did enough, and we’ll catch her associate. I promise,” Emily stated, squeezing Spencer’s shoulder. He looked at her with bloodshot eyes. Prentiss was right, but that didn’t prevent the feeling of rage and frustration that took over him.

“Please, do something. If you don’t, I will,” Spencer said before walking to the bathroom sector.

Half an hour later, a nurse approached Spencer in the waiting room.

“Are you (Y/N) Reid’s husband?”

“Yes. It’s me,” Spencer quickly replied.

“Your wife is still in surgery. The doctor would tell you more about it later, but she’s fighting. I thought you would like to have some news. I also brought you this. These are the belongings she was wearing.” The nurse handed him (Y/N)’s watch and her wedding ring. Spencer’s eyes went glassy again.

“Thank you.”

Once the nurse left, Spencer plopped in the chair again.

“What is that?” JJ pointed to Spencer’s fisted hand. He opened it, revealing (Y/N)’s wedding band. Searching for his wallet, he produced another wedding band: his.

“She still had hers on. I took mine off when I gave up on her,” Spencer mumbled, suppressing the urge to cry again. Taking a deep breath to calm down, he clamped his hand tightly, securing the ring inside.

“If I was the one who walked away, why is she the one who is harmed and at risk of dying? It is unfair. It’s me who deserves to be hurt, not her.”

“Don’t say that. Neither you nor (Y/N) deserves to be hurt, okay?” JJ told him, squeezing Spencer’s forearm to catch his attention; he looked at her reluctantly.

“What happened to her is not your fault. You know that.”

“It’s my fault. Cat did this because of me.”

“Spence…”

“And if that wasn’t enough, I have been an asshole in the past months. I lied, saying that I had stopped loving her! I left the love of my life! And why? Because my fucking pride was fucking wounded!” Spencer shouted.

“I’m not going to lie and tell you that you didn’t fuck it up because you did. But if you’re really sorry, maybe there is a chance,” JJ pointed.

“And if she dies?” Spencer’s voice cracked.

“Let’s not think in that scenario, okay?”

“But if she doesn’t make it?” JJ let out a sigh.

“If it is the case, Evie will need you more than ever.”

-

Another tortuous hour passed. Spencer lost count of the coffee he drank, but he didn’t care. Penelope stayed with her computer while the team was tracking Cat’s associate. JJ would bring Evie to the hospital later because whatever could happen, the child was safer with her dad and aunt Sara, who was there too. (Y/N)’s sister barely talked to Spencer. And for the moment, nobody mentioned how the responsible for (Y/N)’s shot was linked to Spencer.

Then a doctor made her appearance in the waiting room.

“(Y/N) Reid?”

Spencer and Sara stood up instantly. Spencer’s hands were trembling from the nerves.

“Yes. I - I’m her – I’m her husband. And she’s her sister,” Spencer hastened to say. He could feel the lump in his throat.

“Okay, I have to be honest. Your wife lost a lot of blood, but we managed to extract the bullet. Nevertheless, her internal organs are still trying to regulate functions. My biggest concern is her liver and brain. She had a considerable concussion; I assume she hit something when she fell to the floor. We must keep her in observation, so the following hours are critical for her.”

Spencer shut his eyes, taking in the doctor’s words. (Y/N) was alive but not out of danger. She had a chance, though. If anything, he would cling to that.

“Can we see her?”

“Yes. She’s unconscious, but you can see her. Follow me.”

Spencer looked at Sara, who shook her head.

“You go. I’ll wait here until Evie comes,” she said. Spencer nodded in appreciation and followed the doctor, who led him to the room where (Y/N) lay, connected to machines that monitored her vitals. She looked pale, but she was the most beautiful girl in the world for Spencer. (Y/N), the love of his life.

He felt so stupid. He walked away from their marriage, from her. He didn’t do anything to salvage it. And now, he could lose her forever.

Spencer stood by her side, hands fighting the urge to hold her. But he didn’t deserve it. He lost any privilege with her when he walked away and took his ring off.

A loud sob escaped his lips, his tears blurring his eyes.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Spencer cried, gripping the bar at the side of the hospital bed. The bip-sound coming from the machines was muffled by the sobs that ripped through his chest.

“What did I do? Why did I let this happen? I’m a complete asshole. What I said that day wasn’t true; I didn’t mean it, I swear. I do love you. I never stopped loving you. Maybe you won’t believe me now, and it’s understandable. But this is the truth: I love you and will always do. Please, let me prove it. Give me a chance to make it to you, please.”

Spencer knew that (Y/N) couldn’t hear him, but if there was any chance, he needed to say what he felt.

“I know I never told you everything about Milburn. How it actually was and the things I did there. It’s still embarrassing for me. And I know you only wanted to help me. I screwed up, my love. You have the right to hate me. I gave up without a fight. I should have fought for you, not against you.”

Spencer’s tears fell on (Y/N)’s bed. Her steady breathing gave Spencer some hope. After some more minutes, he left the room.

In the waiting room, Sara was with JJ and Evelyn.

“Daddy!” The little girl chirped, running to her dad’s arms. Spencer was quickly kneeling and taking her in his arms.

“Hey, Pumpkin,” he greeted, hoping Evie didn’t notice his tears and wobbling voice.

“Why are we here? Where is mommy?” Evie asked her father.

“Well. Honey. Mommy got hurt, and she is here so the doctors can fix her,” Spencer explained. Evie frowned the same way Spencer did every time something didn’t make sense to him.

“Mommy fell? Can I kiss her boo-boo?” Spencer gave her a tight smile.

“Non yet, Pumpkin. But the doctors are taking good care of her. Don’t worry, my love,” Spencer said, kissing his daughter’s forehead.

“Why are you sad, daddy?”

“Oh, honey. I’m okay. Daddy is a little tired because he worked a lot today. That’s all. Everything will be fine.”

Spencer hoped everything would be fine. If not, he didn’t know what he would do.

He stayed with Evie and JJ as Sara spent some time in (Y/N)’s room. They went to the cafeteria to grab some hot chocolate and snacks. Evie told Spencer about the games she played in JJ’s house that afternoon. Spencer did his best to look composed and confident in front of Evie.

When Sara returned to the waiting room, they agreed that she would take Evie to her house, and Spencer would stay the night in the hospital.

JJ kept him company until the team showed. Prentiss announced that they caught the woman who shot (Y/N) and got her confession. She told them about Cat’s plan and how she did to contact her.

“Cat will get the death penalty now. She won’t put another finger on you or your family,” Prentiss declared. Spencer sighed.

“I hope it won’t be too late.”

That night, Spencer sat beside (Y/N)’s bed. He won’t leave her side no matter the outcome in the end.

The doctor told him that her chances would increase if she could make it the night.

So he waited. Spencer waited and prayed to whoever could listen and could help him. If he gets another chance, he won’t walk away this time.

-

Maybe someone listened to him. Perhaps the same (Y/N) did.

A sleepy Spencer had his head on (Y/N)’s hospital bed the following day when a groan woke him up. Promptly he straightened his head, seeing how (Y/N) moved her hands.

She blinked several times to adjust her eyes to the light.

“Hey,” Spencer whispered, standing from the chair to look at her closer. Tears of joy pricked his eyes.

“Evie... where...” (Y/N) tried to ask with a raspy voice, feeling her throat dry.

“She is fine. Evie is okay. Don’t worry; Sara has her right now,” Spencer informed, keeping his voice softer.

“I need to see her...”

“You will. I promise, but don’t get upset, okay? It’s not good for your recovery. You need to regain strength first.”

If anything, (Y/N) looked surprised seeing Spencer there. But she didn’t have the strength to ask why or argue.

Nurses came to check on (Y/N) several times in the following hours. Adjusting her medication, she seemed to react well to that, although she dozed off quickly after waking up every time.

Spencer was relieved. It was a good sign seeing her awake for a couple of minutes at least.

He kept on the same chair as he watched (Y/N) sleep. Spencer swore he wouldn’t move from her side until (Y/N) could leave the hospital.

Spencer texted Sara and JJ to let them know the news.

The next morning (Y/N) opened her eyes again. She felt more conscious about her surroundings now. Looking to the side, she noticed Spencer uncomfortable sleeping in the chair. How much time has he been sitting on there? His hair was disveleshed, and his clothes had wrinkles. His arms crossed over his chest, and his head tilted to the side. (Y/N) couldn’t help but remember the night that Evie was born. That time Spencer had an exhausted face, but now it seemed worst.

“You look terrible,” (Y/N) mumbled. Spencer opened his eyes and looked at her. A little smile formed on his face.

“Thanks. How are you feeling?”

“Hard to tell. Alive, I guess? What happened?” (Y/N) asked, trying to find a comfortable position in bed. Spencer’s face morphed to guilt as he stood to help her and handled her a cup of water.

“I’m sorry. It was my fault?” He said, embarrassed. (Y/N) frowned.

“Why? Don’t tell me you hired a hitman to get rid of me permanently?” (Y/N) joked. Not that she thought it, but she felt the need to light the mood. She knew that Spencer hated hospitals.

“(Y/N), please…”

“Hey, I’m joking. But seriously, what happened?”

Spencer told her about Cat Adams and the woman she convinced to shoot her. He said (Y/N) the team arrested the woman, and now Cat would face the death penalty.

“That bitch. I’m glad she will be punished for what she did. Though I don’t think it’s enough to make up for the damage done.” (Y/N) stated. Spencer bit his bottom lip and nodded. He felt so responsible for what happened.

“I’m sorry she hurt you. If it wasn’t for me…” Spencer trailed off.

“Spencer, don’t. It’s not your fault. It’s hers. And I’m not only talking about me being shot, you know,” (Y/N) clarified.

“What do you mean?” Spencer asked curiously.

“I’m talking about what she did to you. I’m talking about Milburn.”

Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to mention that, but (Y/N) was being honest. They couldn’t handle that as a couple. And that led them to where they are now. Spencer gulped. If he was looking for an opportunity to say everything stuck in his chest.

“About that. I have to tell you something,” Spencer started. (Y/N) shook her head.

“I know. I know there is nothing to do about it, about us. I just brought it because - ” This time was Spencer who stopped her, softly laying his hand on hers. (Y/N) looked at him, confused.

“It’s the opposite, actually. At least, I think it is. I haven’t been honest with you about many things in the last few months. Especially when our fights started. And you have every reason to be upset with me because I said hurtful things that really aren’t true. That doesn’t justify my behavior, I know. But at least I have to be honest and tell you that I lied when I said I don’t love you anymore. I lied because I just wanted to escape having to accept that I wasn’t okay. That I couldn’t put myself back together after Milburn.”

(Y/N)’s gaze shifted from the hand Spencer had over hers and his glassy eyes. It was the first time since his release that he talked and named ‘Milburn.’

“I wish I had something more eloquent to tell you. I wish I could tell you that I’m fine and healed. But I know I can’t because it’s not true. What is true, however, is that I love you, and the day I left our apartment thinking I could run from my own demons is the biggest mistake I’ve ever made in my life. I wish I hadn’t done that, but I did. And being away from you, the only thing that makes me clear is that my life is not life without you. You have been the person who has made me the happiest. You gave me a wonderful daughter, a family to treasure. And look how I paid you. I know I have no right to ask you for anything, but I am so selfish that I dare to do it: please, let me be in your life again. Accept me as your husband again.”

Tears pricked (Y/N)’s eyes. The man in front of her is who she married almost six years ago. The man in front of her still loves her. And he is asking for another chance. (Y/N) knows things have been rough, but this is the first time Spencer admitted he is not okay. It must count in something. Right?

“You know it’s not that simple. You gave up on us. You walked away, Spencer,” (Y/N) reasoned. Spencer nodded, sniffling.

“I know. I hurt you and our daughter. And I’m so sorry. But I’m so sure that we can make it through this. I’m not leaving your side. Not again. I swear to you, my love.”

“Do you really think we have a chance? After what happened between us?” (Y/N) questioned, tears rolling down her cheeks. Spencer squeezed her hand lovingly.

“I do. I always wanted to be a better man FOR you and Evie, you know? But I realized that what makes me a better man IS you and Evie in my life. I don’t have to be the unbreakable guy in the room. I don’t have to pretend I can do everything alone when I can’t. Not with you. You know me better than anyone. And I won’t make the same mistake again. I’m not going to risk losing you. I love you too much to do so. Please, give me another chance to prove it.”

(Y/N) shifted her gaze to the hand that he held. (Y/N) then realized she was not wearing her wedding band, and neither was he.

“You have it?” She asked. Spencer frowned and followed her gaze. There she understood what she was asking. His eyes filled with hope.

“Yes, I have it here.” Spencer reached into his pocket and pulled out two wedding bands: hers and his.

“If we’re going to do this, let’s do it seriously, don’t you think?”

They both chuckled, letting their tears fall freely. Spencer took her left hand and placed the band on her ring finger.

“(Y/N). I promise to love you forever and be a better husband and father. To treasure every day with you, to support and trust you. I promise to do my best so that we can move forward and be as happy as we have been since we met. I love you so so much.”

After Spencer slipped the ring on (Y/N)’s finger, she took the other ring and mimicked the same gesture.

“Spencer. I promise to continue to be your partner and support you through thick and thin. If things haven’t been perfect, I know we can make it at the end of the day. I know we can face difficulties if we are both committed to a life together. I love you and appreciate every minute that life gives me to be with you and our daughter. You can trust me; I’m here for you.”

After slipping the ring on his finger, they both gave each other the biggest smile they could muster. Spencer leaned down and gently kissed her lips. That sealed the mutual promise of love in a hospital room after difficult months for both.

This was a new opportunity for Spencer and (Y/N). This was another chance for Spencer to get over Milburn, but with his wife by his side. The mother of his daughter. The love of his life.

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