#mind spew

[k-tony]

Happy World Poetry Day

I wasn’t sure what to post today, and then I found a piece I had purged from my system & forgotten about in January this year.

When it beats

Love letters Cannot begin to spell out The feelings brewing in me

But I must be bewitched This feels like magic Fighting the mundane Bland, so beautiful It’s tragic

I revel in the heady floods Blood pounding war drums As my heart battles for dominance

Love will not be denied Even if my face is akin to Moai My heart rejoices each time you say hi

Romance isn’t in me It’s woven as DNA Cynicism is a comfortable suit But ‘neath such armour the Truth lay

I do not see the cliche of a rose it’s a hope risen from a grave of disappointment A moment of regard The healing ointment Reciprocity: the Elixir of Immortalised Moments

Hands interlocked Emotional ignition Fingerprint recognition Heart unlocked

Words Easily freed Birds But synchronised action Come with the cost of traction When I ask, did you mean it? And you are offended, having  already taken flight. While I remember hasty assurances As pinkies were wrapped tight.

I wear my heart on my sleeve So I keep them rolled up Until you need them to dab your tears Or wrap you in arms to warm you As you face your fears You don’t need me, but you want me And that is why ???

It beats me How one does Not Love It beats me When one defies Love It beats me My heart; it beats me As I am ever it’s slave Faced with every crave From the cradle to grave In libraries, battles & rave. Love dominates, And I submit joyously

~Karl (H)

[shemakesmewannahurl]

What it is

The feeling of your skin staying still & calm whilst your insides fiercely tense, as though they’ve just touched something unfathomably hot causing them to recoil and fly in a millisecond of panic and attack.

The feeling of being flung through the air by nothing but momentum and mechanics, as you topple over a particularly breathtaking bump, and the scenery if moments ago come rushing towards you for a prolonged moment, shared with screaming strangers and white-knuckled thrill.

The feeling brought by finally breathing the same air as your favourite musicians alongside thousands of other buzzing souls, in the second the bass reverberates around your skull and ripples through your skin, and you realise how alive you are, all concentrated in a slight pound of your heart.

The pull of your mouth into a pointed quirk of happiness that spills unauthorised into the world when a joke is told that you really shouldn’t laugh at, but that grabs your mind by its pressure points anyway and elicits a smirk with its own self contained joy and smugness.

[triceratopssoup]

I keep fucking bingeing and haven't been working out at the gym a lot yet I somehow feel skinnier? Or maybe it's just me and I'm getting fatter lol

I do walk a TON for school like yesterday I walked 6 total miles just getting to and from classes all day. I also drink a lot of green tea + lemon so Idk maybe my metab is just hella fast lately? And I eat like healthy foods despite them not being really balanced lately, like I've been eating a ton of grains/carbs + fats

idk the eats problems man

[sallebasi]

Be a Babe (after Grimes)

Be a body. Be a Babe. Embrace and masticate feminine mythologies. Pay careful loving attention to your genitals, and to those of whom you're sharing with. Be a babe, (on your own time) be a deity. Chew up and spit out the terms 'mother', 'student', 'daughter' 'twenty-something', 'natural woman', 'intrinsically feminine' 'proto-philosophical privileged girl', 'slut', 'whore', 'madonna', 'maddonis' - for terms by their very nature are limiters and we are all beyond, we all transcend limitation and will only really thrive in our bodies, and as a body, when it is remembered that most greatness defies definition, and is therefore inherent to us all. Speak your sexual fantasies, your deviant thoughts, because as each of us is great, so are we minuscule (by the universe's bodily standards) and transient.

[soulecology]

PT 18-4-14 in which I injure myself again.

It finally happened.... I took the biggest chunk of skin out of my shins courtesy of box jumps. It hurts like a mother f#*@er! It was kinda funny though, as James was explaining to my daughter (who is signing up for crossfit 😄👍) that you shouldn't hesitate as you'll most likely miss and hit your shin. So I immediately do that exact thing! We did hspu's. In which I need to really focus on bracing. As soon as I start getting slack, my back starts playing up. I also need to get stronger through my shoulders. We did 2 every 30secs for 10rnds. Then a mini workout... 6min amrap 5 du's 5 box jumps James gave us some tips for the double unders. Instead of going flat out and failing on the 4th or 5th one like I always do. He said to do a single skip then a double, then back to a single skip and so on. This really helped and by the end of the amprap I was getting them with out stopping. Then we finished off with some movement stuff. Laying on our backs and rolling up into a squat. Then rolling up into a pistol squat. We've even been given homework! Practice the double unders and do about 5 mins of these rolls every day. He said it should help with my back and the exaggerated curve I have through my lumbar spine. And if you read all that, thanks! 😃

[soulecology]

PT In which I injure myself again

So it finally happened. I took a massive Chuck out of my shin thanks to box jumps! (It's a good 1cm round and quite a few mm's deep and hurts like a mother f#*ker!) It was kinda funny though. James was just explaining to my daughter (who is joining crossfit 😄) about how you shouldn't hesitate because you'll miss and hit your shins, and then I immediately did it. I should've said it was on purpose, haha.

[soulecology]

Motivation.

I said to the boy today that I need something to force me to stick to gluten free eating at least, if not paleo. I tend to do it for a few days then cheat and spiral back into bad habits. His suggestion.... No crossfit if I eat something I shouldn't! I think it might just be the right thing to mptivate me. I'm usually pretty annoyed if I don't get to the sessions I've planned to. So this will be my new motivation! It might sound silly, but even knowing that I am making myself unwell by eating wheat especially, I still can't seem to break the cycle. Wheat used to give me nasty migraines so it was easy to avoid it, but since being gluten free for over 12 months, that side effect seems to have disappeared. However I have noticed I get very moody, emotional and depressed. Get stiff in my neck and back, it affects my sleep (usually waking up and not being able to get back to sleep), flare ups in acne, foggy brain/ find it hard to concentrate, constipation. I only notice these things now as I went so long without experiencing them and now they are back. Starting tomorrow I think I'll put up a calendar that I can see and tick off the days I succeed. Something visual may help too.

[to-chinfinityandbeyond]

Update on a couple things:

It's been a full 3 months since the last relapse. Kinda proud of that one. I guess I just needed some time to work on the mess in my head, even though that's still DEFINITELY a work in progress. Things haven''t necessarily gotten better, but I suppose the stress levels are more manageable now. There's been a couple close calls, but thankfully people have been supportive and there for me (Thanks guys!).

The whole situation with the crush and the complications involved..sweet baby Jeebus. That tangled mess of love and shyness and regret and pain and jealousy...that's gonna need some work. Hopefully I can contain the damage done in that particular realm. Wish me luck on that front, Lord knows I need more than my share to get through it all.

Mom is done with all of her chemo, and her hair is actually growing back in a bit. The running joke is that all the gray is us kids' fault, which may not be entirely untrue. Anyhow, we're finally to the point where she is (hopefully) clear and won't have any more trouble. You'd think after 2 defeats, cancer would get the hint..We'll see.

So, things are looking up. Financial stuff for college is a bitch, but it's getting worked out. College is wonderful. Spring Break has been basically Semester Break with a different name and more snow. My brother has been home, which is nice. I'm getting comfortably soft in the midsection from all of the homemade food my mom's been making.

Life is not horrible. Thanks for sticking with me and reading along in my life's story.

-L