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CHAPTER 1 - Can We Be Friends?

Tags - Idol/Canon! Yoongi x 8th Member/Idol/Fem! Reader, Friends/Band Mates to Lovers, Forbidden Love, 8th Member Au

Summary - Can Yoongi & Reader figure things out after their first kiss? And what will happen when rumors spark about two certain idols at an ISAC broadcast?

Word Count - 8k

Chapter Warnings - Fluff, Angst, Pov switch, Two idiots who think the other idiot hates them, reader is lowkey a perv for Yoongi, kissing, cursing, mentions of fucking, bad attempt at humor

<previous chapter . masterlist

A/N - Thank you for the support on the prelude! Hopefully, this will hold up! I want to preface that this was HARD to write for whatever reason. I have too many paths to choose from for this fic, as it’s the start. So much was cut and saved for later, or possibly to be thrown out. But it is starting to put itself together. Enjoy!

Can We Be Friends?

– – –

January 11th, 2016 - 9:00 PM

When you came into the studio, it was… mostly empty. Minus one person. The one you kissed two weeks ago.

You knocked on the wall softly, letting him know you were there. Resting into the door frame. He turned in his chair to face you. Weird. You were only fifteen minutes late. Did the rest already finish so soon? And if so, why is he still here?

“Where is everyone?” You asked. You were supposed to all meet up in the studio, at least that's what Namjoon had texted you. A last-minute session.

“Oh… It’s just us… The guys all got caught up. They weren’t available.” You could tell by the look on his face that he was holding something back. Unlike with the rest of the guys, it always felt so plainfully obvious when he lied to you. He talks more, overexplains himself. You usually found it cute, especially when all the guys just went along with it and believed him. But right now you just want to know what he is keeping from you.

“Oh.” You took the chair next to his. Crossing your arms over your chest and biting your lip awkwardly. You feel like a child being punished. You miss it being normal to be alone.

He is hardly looking at you.

Damn this is awkward. How are we going to get anything done anymore? It used to be natural, we worked so well together. Your heart has always raced around him, it used to be okay, but now it feels like a punishable offence. As if he can hear the drumming in your chest and he hates it, he wants to turn the volume down.

“Doll… Can we talk?” That stupid name, how has he always got away with calling you that? It only makes you want him more. Maybe he will kiss you again? Please.

Oh god. “Uh yeah… about what?” No, we can’t talk about that, please. I don’t want to hear that you hate me and that I ruined everything. I ruined our friendship. I kissed you.

“I think you know.” No. No. No. Don’t say that I kissed you, don’t tell me we should keep things professional. Fuck, what have I done.

“Oh, that?” Play it cool. Play it cool. You can already feel the water wanting to overflow, filling up your body until it reaches your eyes. You can’t let it fill up. Can’t let it out. You cry so damn easy these days. What is he doing to you?

“Yeah, That.” He breathed harshly out his nose at your relaxed attitude towards the whole thing. You wondered why you couldn’t let down the wall and ask him if he felt what you felt that night, more than alcohol, more than an amazing friendship.

Do it. Tell him how you feel.

You can’t.

You nod, pursing your lips. Unblinking, keeping the tears from being pushed out. He is waiting for you to start, trying to read your face.

Looking at you.

You won’t let him, not this time. You don’t want him to know that you want more, that it was probably you who kissed him. Maybe you got things mixed up in your head, and it was your thumb on his chin, not the other way around. After all, you are the one with the crush, not him. Right? But what if he does? And his hair, you remember your hands in his hair, right?

“I am sorry.”

Maybe he does? Maybe he is thinking about the same thing right now? Wait, sorry?

“What?” No, I don’t want you to be sorry, just say you don’t regret this. You don’t regret it and you want to do it again.

“I am sorry I kissed you.” No.

“What do you mean you are sorry?” Sorry you didn’t do it sooner? He did it? No, I did it.

“I just think I drank too much that night. I know we are just friends, and I don’t want anything to change. So, I am sorry. I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I regret it, I hope you will forgive me…”

He regrets it…

Just friends. Fuck. What am I thinking? Of course, he doesn’t feel the same. I feel like such an idiot. What are you supposed to say? Ruin it. Ruin our friendship. Tear it apart and kiss me again.

“It’s okay… I don’t want our friendship to change either.”

Why can’t you just tell him. Tell him you like him more than what you already are.

And finally, he looks up meeting your eyes. His eyes. He looks like a lost puppy. You might melt. Has he been hurting this much? He must have thought you hated it. Please don’t think that.

“Really?” No, not really. I want it to change.

“Yes. I miss my best friend.” That is true, you miss having him as a friend, but after this, how could you keep pushing away your feelings? You need? Want?

You need more.

“I miss mine too.” He flashes you that smile. That damn smile.

– – –

February, 2016 - 9:00 AM

The whole friends thing came back to you both fairly easily. After you both talked, you spent hours working on music together, treating things like they were normal. But there is something missing, hope? Possibly? Maybe that piece you held deep in your heart, that thought that eventually you and Yoongi could be together somehow.

But for now, you are just going to stay friends. It is the right thing to do. You aren’t allowed to date anyway. Right? That had never been a serious issue for you all, the music was your life, no time for dating. So you weren’t given the ‘don’t date’ talk very often.

You step out of the van and into the open garage of the arena. It is a bit noisy, many other groups arriving simultaneously. The cool wind breathes down your neck, making the hair on your back stand straight and your cheeks flush. Jimin hops out behind you, poking you in the side. “Ready to lose?” You chuckle. You knew he was right. You suck at sports. Dance has been continuously easier for you than any other sport, it is far more freeing. You hated working out, only doing it because you had to, but you could spend the whole day dancing. Of course, pretty much everyone in this industry has a similar ability. Since the world is used to seeing you dance, you are forced to do these olympics for entertainment instead.

The ISAC broadcast.

“Always!” You elbow him in the side.

“Just don’t be a sore loser, it will give us a bad look.” You grin again.

You get that bad habit from your family. Growing up with grandparents throwing cards & uncles screaming at refs. You aren’t as bad as them, only being caught throwing a complete tantrum at losing a minimal amount of time in life. But you still get grumpy when you lose, and you have lost games to Jimin enough for him to have seen a card or two slam across the table or a board flip in his direction, even on the rarest occasion your tears.

“I promise I will be on my best behavior.”

You smile and walk with him into the building. Wind moving your hair to one side.

“Hopefully, I will get to meet up with the girls today!” You pronounce cheerfully. Thinking about your friends whom you haven’t seen in months.

You have passed by at other events, but the ISAC broadcast will give you more time alone with each other. Your thoughts beg the question of whether you could tell them about your secret kiss. Ultimately, deciding it is safer not to share. They are amazing friends, and you wish you could talk with them about it. They even know about your crush, but you can never fully know who to trust in an industry like this, especially who could be lurking around the corner. If you ever do tell them, it would be in a better place, and longer after the dust had settled.

Speaking of your ‘just friend’, Yoongi has maintained quite the distance this past week. You worry about him. Hoping he isn’t struggling.

You know he goes through a lot.

Even though you have decided to make things normal, they aren’t fully straightened out. You used to be more comfortable together. Now, when one of you gets too close, the other pulls away. You don’t spend as much alone time together either. Always finding ways to keep another person there, or an excuse to leave just a little bit earlier than before.

Not that it bothers you, you are both doing it, preventing your proximity, even though you both laugh and joke together, your skinship has completely dissapated.

It makes you worry what will happen if you are alone for too long again. Would being too close make you try something? Of course, you want nothing more than to breathe his air again. Since the kiss, he has only become more attractive to you. Even after agreeing that you are just friends.

How does he feel?

Jimin tugs at your arm, smiling. “Come on, we need to hurry if you are going to have your little girl talk!”

– – – – –

January 10th, 2016 - 12:00 PM

Everyone in the studio could taste the awkwardness in the air, breathe it in. Not that they couldn’t feel it in the dorms as well. The wedge placed between two best friends who wouldn’t dare look each other's way.

‘I’m so sorry, doll… ‘

The tension is worrying the guys. You wondered if any of the guys had talked to him about it yet. Namjoon tried to talk to you when he returned from his holiday, wondering why Yoongi had come back before he did. He had shown up the next morning with enough leftovers for the two of you, shocked and almost upset, seeming like he wasn’t expecting Yoongi.

What he especially wasn’t expecting was the strange way the two of you looked in opposite corners of the room. It was like two puppies hoping their owner doesn’t ask who knocked over the trash can.

“Hobi, can you run that again?” Yoongi spoke, upholding his cool attitude.

It wasn’t completely unlike him. Being standoffish for a few days. You were similar in that regard. You understood the days when it was hard to smile, hard to find the energy needed to goof off. But this time was different. This was lasting longer than normal, and everyone was wondering why. Minus you, the obvious, it was your fault.

In the past two weeks, you have found the solution. You kissed him, and now he is uncomfortable. You being to blame is the only thing you could wrap your mind around. Yoongi did a kind thing for a friend, that’s all, a friend. You let your stupid crush get in the way of things. You were supposed to love him as a friend and push the rest away.

“Yeah, but play it from the start this time.”

You watch between Jimin & Taehyung as the track starts. Yoongi was sitting in front of the equipment in a desk chair while you and the others leaned back into the couch behind him.

With his back facing you, you couldn’t help but drift your focus to the back of his head. You can’t decide whether you should thank your stylist or kill her for that choice of color. The damn green suits him too well. It might as well have grown out of his head that color. And that color, the color half a month ago you had tangled in your hands, as messy and soft as ever. You want that again.

You didn’t notice at all that Hobi had already come out of the isolation booth and plopped into the empty spot on the other side of Jimin.

Also failing to notice that the man whose hair you were so fondly thinking about had rotated his chair and caught you staring.

“Alright, You’re up!” Yoongi spoke, bluntly. You practically choked. Had you just been checking him out so blatantly, in front of everyone? Not that it mattered, he had already turned away from you, making you miss the soft shade of pink his cheeks had turned.

Thankfully, it seemed like he was the only one who caught you, minus the ever-vigilant Kim Taehyung, who turned his head towards you, mumbling under his breath. “What is wrong with the two of you?” Knowing that on any other day your staring would have been made into a joke, but the air between you had made things different.

You pretended not to hear him. Getting up and going over to the isolation booth without anyone bringing attention to the time it took you to get up. You thought about how, on a normal day, the boys would have poked fun at you for the whole interaction. Not today, no, not in the past few weeks, worried to shed light on whatever the hell was going on.

“We just need some ad-libs over Hobi and Jungkook's parts.”

You nod in reply. Not that he would see, he had hardly looked at you since. Nevermind. Just get through the song.

Your ad-libs go well, minus a few laughs after you sang something off-key. You asked him not to put that in, in a joking manner. He just nodded, lips pressed in a flat line. Only lightly chuckling when the rest of the guys poked fun at your mistake. Was he going to be cold to you forever?

The least he could do was pretend things were normal. At least you were trying.

After you wrapped up, you sat back down in-between Jimin and Taehyung with your arms crossed. Jungkook laughed at you, mimicking your voice crack for the third time, and making the rest of the room laugh.

He can laugh at you, but he can’t talk to you. I guess this is how it’s going to be.

– – – –

February, 2016 - 10:00 AM

You love meeting up with your friends. It was always hard to make friends outside of your group, but you were lucky enough to have ran into these two enough at awards shows and other events to become close. You love the gossip sessions like this a lot too. Taehyung and Jimin will make you tell them everything when you get home. Jungkook will pretend to be annoyed by the conversation, but get mad at the older boys for interrupting the stories.

“I heard she got kicked out for blackmailing another idol in the company…”

“Really? Not surprising honestly.”

Nayeon always knew what was going on with other idols. She probably has the most friends out of the four of you, always knowing who is with who and whatever drama is unfolding.

“OH!!! I almost forgot!!” She squealed, looking right at you.

“You are gonna loooove hearing this one!” She giggles covering her mouth with her hand.

“Me?” You ask, raising a brow. You have no idea what you could be so interested in? Perhaps someone likes you? But she knows you have a fat crush on your best friend and wouldn’t care for dating someone else.

“Yes you,” Nayeon leaned in to whisper. “I have a direct source that someone is trying to steal your man.”

Hana gasped. “OMG WHO!”

You furrow your brows. What on earth is she talking about? “My man?”

Hana elbows you. “Yoongi, duh.”

Yoongi? Steal?

“You guys do know we aren’t together, right?”

“Oh, hush, he is yours in our book. Anyway, you know that soloist Mia?” Always a flare for the dramatics.

Mia? Doesn’t ring any bells? “No.”

“Bright orange hair?”

Her? “Yeah, I've seen her around.”

“Ok, so I was backstage at the January showcase eavesdropping on her and some girls from CLC talking about who they like and she said and I quote ‘I am really into Yoongi Oppa’ Oppa!!! She called him Oppa! My jaw literally hit the floor when I heard it.”

“What The Fuck.” Hana replies.

You don’t want to be that girl that is jealous just from another girl liking the guy you like, but you have to admit this is sort of pissing you off. You don’t even know this girl, how could she know him enough to feel ok calling him that?

“Seriously?” You ask, keeping your cool. It isn’t really that big of a deal, right?

“Yes seriously! I was so mad I swear! I couldn’t believe it!”

You can’t believe it either. The two can see the plain pout on your face you forgot to hold back. Who was this girl?

“Are you ok? I didn’t mean to upset you?” The two look at you worried. Nayeon's hand reaching to hold your arm comfortingly. “She stands no chance, don’t think too much about it?”

You nod. “I’m sorry, I just got in my head for a sec.”

Does he know her? You shouldn’t think about it. He has no time to date anyway.

– – – – –

January 10th, 2016 - 4:00 PM

After recording, you all split up into groups. Yoongi and Namjoon stayed in the studio to work, Jimin, Hobi, Jungkook, and Jin went to practice dances, leaving only you and Tae to go back to the dorms. It was Tae’s idea. He knew you wrote better in the comfort of your own home and said he would clean up the house and make dinner for everyone. So you both went.

You sigh and slump onto the floor, opening up your notebook to work on some lyrics. The random page you opened happened to be about your sister, Nora. Not just her, but the day you left. But you don’t want to think about it, or write about it, not with everything that’s going on right now. Maybe you could write about that instead?

You turn a new page and start writing.

‘Why did we kiss?’

God. Can’t think of anything interesting to write right now.

“What are you writing about?”

You look up at the man leaning against a wall with a broom in his hand. “What?”

“Yoongi? Possibly?” You furrow your brows while he keeps his face dead serious.

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t play dumb. You know exactly what I’m talking about. And don’t think the rest of us haven’t noticed.”

“Haven’t noticed what?” You are barely whispering, looking away. Oh God, they noticed. You knew they could tell something was off, but you thought you had played it off somewhat okay, not enough for him to confront you like this. You thought they would let it slide, and maybe Yoongi would eventually just forgive you quietly and chalk it up to a drunk night.

“Since Christmas. You and Yoongi have been completely off. He was going to be the last one home, and it seemed like he was the first. What was he doing at home? And what the hell happened?”

“He was just worried about me being alone, he bought some food, came over, and I don’t know?”

“And you don’t know?” He crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow. What are you supposed to tell him? You have liked Yoongi for five years, got drunk once, and totally made out with him? Jeopardising your friendship and both of your jobs, no, everyone's jobs?

“Look, he just came home and we had some drinks, and watched a movie. That’s it. Okay?”

“Oh. My. God. YOU FUCKED MIN YOONGI!!!”

“WOAH WHAT? NO I DID NOT!”

“Don’t you dare play dumb again! I know what drinking and watching a movie is code for! I cannot believe you lost your virginity to Min Fucking Yoongi!”

You cannot believe the conclusions this man has jumped to, not to mention that he looks horrified.

“First of all, I am not a virgin, and second of all me and Yoongi did not have sex, we just-” You cut yourself off, should you even tell him?

“YOU JUST!! So you must have done something?!?” His eyes were wide, waiting for you to tell him what was going on.

You don’t know at what point your emotions had taken the better of you, but you felt the tears start. Maybe this is what happens when you are forced to let out five years of emotions that you had planned to keep locked away forever.

“Are you okay?” His voice dropped, now in a comforting tone as he rushed towards you, leaving the broom behind.

“We kissed, I kissed him, or he kissed me. I’m not really sure.” You mumble.

“Oh…” he wrapped his arms around you, sighing a bit awkwardly. You weren’t one to cry, at least not in front of anyone. Usually, your tears came easily when you were alone, but today, they wanted to be heard by someone other than the dark and your shirt sleeve.

His hand grasped up and down your back, letting you cry into his chest. “If you don’t mind me asking, what happened after?”

You sniffle a bit before answering, “Not much. He just said sorry, then… said we should go to bed…”

He nods and takes a breath, not sure how to respond. So, for a while, you just cry. It felt good to be comforted, to be held when you cry instead of taking it alone.

Once the tears calmed down somewhat, and your breathing steadied, he pulled back slightly to make eye contact. Giving you a half smile. “Did you tell him?”

“Tell him what?” You look up at him, confused.

“That you like him?”

“What do you mean?”

“You think I don’t know you like him? I think Jungkook and the man himself are the only ones who haven’t picked up on it.”

You frown. Clearly, you haven’t been keeping this secret as locked away as you believed.

As if he could read your mind, he answered, “Don’t worry, you aren’t like totally obvious, it’s just that, you two have always been so close, and the way you look at him. I mean, sometimes you do check him out a bit too…”

You sigh, he was obviously thinking of today in the studio when you fantasized about his hair for who knows how long. “So, everyone knows?”

“Yeah, I think that’s why we haven’t brought it up. I tried talking to Namjoon, but he told me to just let it be. That’s why I wanted us to come home, I thought we could talk…”

“Thank you, Tae.” He smiled a bit bigger and patted your back.

“So, let's talk.”

You sigh. “I mean… where do I start?”

“If it’s easier… You could talk about the smaller stuff? How was it?” He pokes you in the side and raises his eyebrows suggestively.

“I mean… It was… I don’t know?”

“Fireworks?”

“Fireworks.”

He turned to sit beside you and face the window, both of you now looking out of it together.

“Wow… I felt fireworks once…” He smirked, making you laugh.

“So Jung Hoseok is a good kisser?”

He started cracking up at your joke, you did too. This was nice.

“So he just… said sorry? And nothing else? Like you really haven't talked after so long?”

“No, we haven’t talked about it at all.” You sigh, watching a bird land on the edge of the tiny balcony outside, resting your head on your friend's shoulder, leaning into him.

He nods, not sure what to say. “You know you can always talk to me if you need it.”

“I know…” You see him check his watch. The others will be home in the next hour, so he needs to start dinner. “Do you want me to help cook?”

“Only if you are up to it?” Tae smiles, standing up and reaching out his hand to help you up.

You nod and get up with him. Spending the next hour finally having a calm time with one of your brothers, not hiding anything, or feeling a lie looming over you.

– – – –

February 2016 - 2:00 PM

You huff, wiping the sweat off your forehead with your sleeve, having just come second to last in your race. Fuck, you are getting angry. You know you are more mature than this, but it’s the third time you have lost a different match today, and it is starting to get to you.

You know you just need some time alone to cool down. So you leave the crowded arena to use the restroom as an empty space.

You wonder where Yoongi had been all day. He was hardly there to watch you lose. Usually, he would have been with the boys, laughing and watching you pout, knowing you are holding back your frustrations. But he has been practically missing all day. You try to push past it and stop at the canteen to get a half-frozen bottle of water.

It will be good to cool yourself off. You hold the plastic bottle in your hand and crush it, breaking apart the ice into a slush before taking a long sip. You sigh, tilting your head back and patting off more sweat. You are so sick of losing, you don’t know if you will make it through your last sport. Archery.

You had been training for it, just like everyone else. It was one of your better skills, which will make your inevitable loss even more excruciating. That was always what got you the most pissed off. Losing at something you worked hard for and aren’t terrible at. But having seen half the other girls today, they are undeniably better.

Maybe it’s the self-doubt, that is what brings your loss.

You choose to ignore that thought and continue on your search for someplace quiet. The restrooms behind the green room ought to do. You only need a few minutes to catch hold of yourself.

You exhale and push the quiet green room doors open. It’s mostly empty, a few staff are chatting in the corner. You bow and greet them, then move along towards the back hall.

That’s when you hear it. The age-old sound that makes you roll your eyes.

Lips smacking against each other. Some of these damn idols can’t keep their paws to themselves. You understand, of course, you may have better self-control, being used to living with a bunch of guys, you don’t feel the urge to get laid every time you are at events like this. But you still get it, and you’re sure if you didn’t have a big fat crush on your group member, you would be just as… well, horny.

The tiny hidden halls were always make-out point at these types of events. You were used to it and typically chose to keep your head down and make your way down the hall, minding your own business. You just needed to take your break from the world and move along, best to stay away from anyone's relationship drama.

You keep quiet as you turn your heel into the hallway. Freezing immediately in your place.

“Ugh… Yoongi…”

You had just seen a fucking ghost. No three. Christmas present, past, and future. All at once.

You stand there, wide-eyed in horror.

“Be quiet doll…”

Doll… He called her doll…

Min Yoongi, your best friend? Coworker? Band-mate? The boy you like? Pressing some bitch against the wall. Calling her his name for you?

No, not any bitch. Mia. The one who called him oppa in a room full of people.

How could she? How could she get what she wanted so easily? How could he move along so quickly? Or had he already been this guy? The guy who makes out with random girls in the hallway. And how come no one had let you know?

Two months ago, those were your hands in his hair, and now… Holy shit.

The sweating water bottle slides out of your hands and onto the floor as you turn on your heels, darting out of the hall. You need to get out of here. You have to get out of here. You need to be far far far far far away.

You dart past the staff in the room, earning confused looks as you scamper into the hall, tears already falling down your cheeks.

“Ow!”

You just smashed into something, no, someone.

“Wait, stop!”

You feel a familiar hand at your waist, stopping you from pushing past.

Taehyung.

– – – – –

January 10th, 2016 - 6:30 PM

You punch Jungkook's arm at the table.

You feel lighter, having your secret not only bearing the weight on your shoulders, you wonder if Yoongi has told anyone. It is so much easier to be a bit more like yourself after letting some of it out. The whole group has a bit more positive energy because of it.

“I was just saying that I personally don’t have the issue of my voice cracking during recording, but we can’t all be the golden maknae!” He smirked.

“Whatever, Kookie! You shouldn’t make fun of someone who has watched you pick your nose this persistently!”

He hits you back. “You are such a liar! I have never done that! Jin Hyung! Get this girl in check!”

“That grin on your face says otherwise, Jeon Jungkook!” You giggle.

It feels so good to have a smiling moment with your group. Even if Yoongi still won’t look you in the eye.

Jin snorts. “We should call him digging-for-gold maknae!!”

“Hyung!!”

You look towards the other side of the table as the conversation continues. He is smirking.

Not some sort of smug look, but in laughter.

Oh fuck. He was looking at you. His eyes, you haven’t made eye contact with him in what, two weeks now?

And suddenly his grin was gone, and his head was down, focusing back on his plate. He is acting like a child. Why can’t we let this be normal? Or even better, do it again. No. You can’t do it again. You know that you shouldn’t entertain this thought in your mind.

You shouldn’t be thinking about your hands tangling with his hair in front of everyone like this. Or his thumb on your chin, the way he breathed on your lips for a second as you pulled apart. Stop.

You thought it was magical. Were you really that terrible of a kisser? You had never had any complaints before.

And if it was just the alcohol, why can’t he look at you anymore?

You are staring. You only notice when, between everyone's conversation, Namjoon gives you a knowing look. As if he is some sort of cartoon character looking between two people with one eyebrow raised.

What is he thinking right now? He probably thinks the same as Taehyung did. Maybe he knows you are ruining the group in your thoughts, tearing it to shreds, reaching across the table, grabbing him by the collar, and kissing him. You need to control your thoughts.

You shake your head at him and try to put your focus back on the conversation surrounding you.

Hoseok shook his head. “Can we talk about something less gross while we are eating? Hyung, you shouldn’t encourage this!”

“Yah! You don’t tell me what I can and can’t encourage!”

Jungkook erupted into laughter. “Yeah! You don’t tell him what he can and can’t encourage!”

You chuckled, shaking your head and taking another bite. With food in your mouth, speaking. “Weren’t you just arguing?”

“How would you know? You are too busy staring at Yoongi hyung anyway.”

Your eyes widen, and the table goes silent. Taehyung elbows Jungkook in the side for mentioning it. You didn’t think anyone would call it out like this. Oh God. This is it, how are you getting around this?

Yoongi just sat there staring into his plate, lips pursed and face getting a bit red. Fuck. He is totally embarrassed by you. You really did ruin everything with this kiss. He is so sick of you, you are sure of it.

You sit there, jaw agape, at a complete loss for words. What are you going to tell everyone?

“Is everyone done eating?” Namjoon picks up Jungkook's plate. “Come help me with the dishes.”

Your savior. Taehyung nods and starts helping collect the plates. You see Yoongi get up and go to his and Jin’s room.

You nod, letting Namjoon save you, even though you know he is going to make you talk. What are you even supposed to tell him? You had a few drinks and kissed your shared best friend. Taehyung didn’t take it too poorly, but how can you tell two people in one day? You are already out of tears for the day. Besides, what does Yoongi want you to share? You haven’t spoken since Christmas. Is he comfortable with the guys knowing what happened? You know Taehyung wouldn’t tell a soul, but Namjoon would want to fix it, want to get it sorted out.

Jungkook scoffed. “I was still eating?” He mumbled. Making Jin, who was just playing around with him, shoot him a stern look.

You helped collect dishes and walked away from the table, into the kitchen. The silence from outside the kitchen was slowly replaced with a whispering scolding of Jungkook, and eventually a quiet show on the TV.

You stood at the sink next to Namjoon.

“You are going to have to tell me what is going on at some point. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“This whole thing is really weird. Don’t think we haven’t noticed. And don’t think I won’t be talking to Yoongi either.”

“I know…”

What are you supposed to say? It is so much harder to tell Joon. He is the one who has to handle the outcome. And you aren’t sure you can handle two confessions in one day. You don’t even know who was the kisser and who was kissed. You just know how it felt. How his hand was molded by some god to fit perfectly when holding your wrist. Which only makes your mind wonder how it would feel everywhere else.

‘Fuck… “

“What?”

“I’m so sorry, doll…’

Tae walked into the room, knocking on the wall slightly to warn of his entrance.

You exhale, keeping your face down.

“Look… I don’t know what to tell you, Joon, just… Can you let it get sorted out on its own? I promise to tell you… Once we get it figured out.”

Namjoon breathes out his nose and looks away, like he is thinking about something he can’t share. Taehyung comes behind you, putting his arm around your shoulder comfortingly, giving a half smile.

“Just… Please come to me, before anything else happens…”

Anything else? Does he know? The look in his eyes… I think he knows.

– – – –

January 11th, 2016 - 7:00 PM

POV - Min Yoongi

“She didn’t tell me.”

“She didn’t tell you how she was feeling?” Yoongi sighed, hunched forward, elbows on his knees, looking at the computer next to the sound board.

“No, she didn’t tell me you kissed, just acted like she would figure it out on her own, she definitely told Tae though. I can try to ask him what she said, but really, you should just talk to each other…”

Namjoon was no help at all. How can you just talk to her, you have gratuitously fucked everything up. All over a stupid crush. Not stupid, but you can’t like her. All because you were emotional. After the fight with your parents, you couldn’t be alone. You are such a jerk for that. She is the only girl in the dorms, and you made her uncomfortable. You used her. You weren’t supposed to kiss her. FUCK. It just happened, and now Namjoon is never gonna get off your back for it. You shouldn’t have told him.

“I don’t think she is going to talk to anyone else about it, or start the conversation herself. You know how she is.”

Yeah, I know how she is. I can’t believe I fucked this up so much. I shouldn’t have come over that night. I just missed her. I needed her after that fight. I am a fucking idiot. I shouldn’t have assumed she felt the same way. But her eyes, the way she looked at me, I must have been hallucinating.

“What am I supposed to say to her, Joon?”

“That is between you and her. You just have to figure this out. If you keep acting like this, it’s going to hurt the group.”

I don’t want to do this. I don’t know what to say to her. Why can’t I just read her mind? Not that I would want to know her thoughts anyway. She probably hates me now. I just ruined a five-year friendship over my stupid feelings. She’ll be uncomfortable around me now. I was supposed to keep her from that. I was supposed to be her friend. A good friend.

June 12th, 2013

The night before the first showcase.

“I can’t do it, Yoongi,” You whisper.

“You have to do it, doll. You worked so hard, we all did. It’s just nerves,” He rubbed your back gently. “You can’t quit now.”

He sat at the edge of your bed next to you as you shook. Stage fright had always been a problem for you, but you had to make music; it was all you knew. Bang PD wouldn’t let you be a producer. ‘You are so talented. Everyone will want to see you dance to your songs.’

“Please don’t make me do this.” You pleaded as if he had any control over it.

“You know you have to do it. It will be okay, I’ll be on stage with you the whole time, all of us will.”

You nod, trying to let his words sink in. You knew you had no choice.

“Come on. It’s almost midnight, you have to rest for tomorrow. Lay down.”

You listen and feel him lie down behind you in the twin bed. Chest pressed to your back, holding you. “Go to sleep. I’ll be right here. I promise”

Your shaking started to lessen as you drifted off with his warm breath on the side of your neck.

He didn’t sleep for hours after you. He stayed up watching you breathe peacefully, finally. After over an hour of him trying to ease your anxiety. He never wanted you to feel like that again, and if you did, he promised it would never be his fault, and he would always fix it for you, no matter what it took.

The next day, you were incredible on stage, and he made sure to tell you about it, everything great you did. And he did it again, and again, every time you performed.

January 11th, 2016

“We should get back to work, but really, talk to her.”

“Yeah”

“When we’re done, I’ll text her to come to the studio. Then you talk. Alright?”

“Alright.”

Now to figure out what to say. I will make things normal again.

I will get you back.

– – – – –

February, 2016

You glide your tongue across the back of your teeth, pressing hard. Sharply inhaling through your nose as you pull out your first arrow. Your lips were pressed in a tight scowl.

You look angry. You are angry.

When you get to your last event after being consoled by Taehyung, you realized your opponent was none other than that orange haired bitch. She had tried to greet you warmly. Claiming to be a friend of Yoongis. Oh, friend, is that what they call it now? When someone shoves their tongue down your throat and their knee between your thighs? That's what you wanted to say. But instead, you told her it was nice to meet her. You didn’t do a good job of acting, though, based on the frown she gave back.

You place the arrow onto the rest and adjust your stance. Feet open and shoulder width apart. You are up first.

Inhale. Exhale.

Push. Push. Push. Click. You pushed as far as you could. You squint, aiming.

Relax. And let go.

5 points

FUCKKKKKK How are you going to win this? You spent the whole day planning your loss, preparing for it. And now, you have to win. You feel like she has taken something from you. Something you don’t have–yet. Maybe.

But she can’t have this. She doesn’t get to win twice.

Her turn. You don’t look at her, you can’t. You rest your eyes on her target, waiting.

7 points.

Fuck. She is already ahead. Four arrows to go. Deep breaths, you have to do this.

Draw. Anchor. Aim. Release.

8 points. 13 total.

Holy shit? Could you win? Really win?

When Mia prepares for her next shot is when you see him. He is looking right at you. Does he know what you saw? Why isn’t he looking at her? She is with him? Isn’t she? Shouldn’t he want to watch her, but he isn’t. He is watching you, not watching, he is telling you something. What are his eyes saying? It’s like he misses you? But aren’t you normal? What is he missing?

6 points. 13 total.

You weren’t even paying attention. You won’t keep the tie. You can’t.

He doesn’t break the eye contact, you have too. It was too intense, and it’s your turn.

You pull your third arrow from the basket and shake your shoulders, trying to brush off whatever that was and focus on your win. Besides, he probably just got done finger fucking this bitch. You just imagined his gaze, it’s easier that way.

Focus. Just get close enough, just enough she won’t beat it.

You bring your arms up to eye level and get ready to aim.

Adjust. Aim. Release.

7 points. 20 total.

Ok, it isn’t terrible, hers might be lower.

This time, you watch her. Her hair is pulled back, so is yours. She has this smile. A smile that knows something you don’t, what could it be? She looks good at this, too good at this. And not pretentious about it either. Like she knows what she has to do to win.

You wince as she aims, like she knows what she is doing.

8 points. 21 total.

She is in the lead. No no no. You look up at the boys. They are watching you with anticipation. Like they know you will lose. Please prove them wrong, please.

You think you might cry again. But you can’t. You prepare yourself.

Anchor. Aim.

But you ruin it. You look up. You look at him. He is looking back.

5 points. 25 total.

You didn’t notice until they said it on the intercom. He held your eyes with his, not letting go.

One tear falls.

You wipe it off before anyone catches it, breaking away from his gaze. He caught it.

You look over to Mia. She smiles at you shyly, like she is trying to be supportive. Then she looks away, face serious, inhaling sharply and lifting her arms. She doesn’t look down when she shuffles her feet into place the way you do, the corner of her face lifting before she lets go.

Her second to last arrow. 9 points. 30 total.

You can’t do it. The anger is starting to seep through. She can’t have this. It isn’t fair. One more arrow. You will win. You are going to win. You don’t look at them this time. It got in your head. You shake it all off once again. You can do this.

You remove the last arrow. Breathing meditatively. Stance. Check. Hook the arrow. You run through each step more comprehensively in your mind this time. Until finally you do it. You let go.

9 points.

Nine fucking points.

34 total.

You can still win. There is still a chance. She just has to fumble it, just once.

You look over at her. She doesn’t seem worried. In fact, she seems sorry, as if you have already lost. It is making the heat rise to your ears. Every bone in your body is willing her to lose. Please lose.

You choose to focus on her target again. Unable to look at her, holding your breath. Please please please lose.

4 points. 34 total.

A tie.

She fumbled and you got a tie.

How? She should’ve won. You knew it, deep down. But this was it. Whatever higher power that was out there was giving you a second chance, your begging worked. A tie. You let go of the breath.

You get one shot. One extra shot.

When you look at her her brows are furrowed. She knew she should have won too, and yet here you both were. Maybe you were meant to win. Maybe you would have one victory today.

When she looks at you her appearance changes, that smile again. Is she playing with you? Teasing you with the possibility of a win? No. She made a mistake, she can do it again.

The tie breaker excites everyone in the room. It is entertaining, right? Tie breakers? You figure as much.

But her face, like she knows she can beat you, and your group, they are still planning your loss. But you can do it, you can win.

You shake out your wrists as they bring out the tie breaking arrows and clean off the targets. Her eyes are on you. The heat hasn’t gone away. Even if you do win, she still has what you want. What does it matter? But you have to try. It may be immature, but you have to get something over her. He called her doll… you need this.

You can feel everyone's eyes, especially hers, as you prepare yourself. Breathe. You try to cool yourself off but the blood rushing through you is what is pushing you to focus, pushing you to do this right.

Aim.

Release.

9 points.

Holy shit? Why isn’t this making you feel more calm? You look over at Mia. She isn’t fazed. Why? She has to get a bullseye to win? That should faze her, make her nervous. But she isn’t. Maybe it’s because it doesn’t matter to her? She doesn’t need to win the way you do. Does she know she is holding him over your head? Or does it really not even matter to her if she wins or not? Because she is winning either way.

You look up at him again, but his gaze isn’t on you. It’s on her. Making you gulp.

You can feel the tears. No, not again. You can’t keep crying about everything. You are on camera, there are a thousand people here, don’t cry. You can feel them, you know everyone can see it. Suck it up, you have to stop. You are crying and you may have just won this. Stop crying, hold it in, you won so stop crying, please stop crying.

Bullseye.

– – – – –

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A/N - Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I am trying to be very canon because it’s an excuse to watch old BTS content. I am super excited to write the next part!! I’d love to hear any theories. I also hope this didn’t upset ya’ll 😜Also, if you reply to this or repost, thank you so much! I guarantee that whatever you say will inspire me to continue & is truly so cherished!!

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