I am slowly getting all my requests out of my inbox, and I was hoping to get some BTS requests! I'm back into the black hole that is BTS and need to write for them. I would really appreciate that!<3
Summary: After too many words said in the heat of the moment, Yoongi wakes up without next to him and fearing the worst. He just hopes it’s not too late to fix things…
Word Count: 2.9k
Warnings: 18+ mdni, smut, angst, swearing, mentions of relationship insecurities
A/N: This was a request that someone sent me months ago, and has just been sitting in my drafts because life was kicking my ass, but I’ve finally had the time and motivation to finish it, so yay!🎉 I hope y’all like it!
Masterlist Ko-fi
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You didn’t understand how it got to this point. One minute you were both just talking, and then suddenly words were being flung back and forth across the room like daggers.
You were both too tired, you knew that, a distracted, dismissive reply cutting into flesh when it normally would’ve been just brushed off and addressed later when you were both less stressed and thinking more clearly.
But that hadn’t happened tonight. Instead, you had both snapped, and suddenly weeks worth of tiny nagging thoughts, frustrations, and what had seemed like insignificant moments but had been eating away at the both of you, everything was poured out onto the floor and you both were demanding the other take blame for them.
When you felt yourself hitting a breaking point, you had shut down and gone to bed, with Yoongi following a while after, feeling the bed dip under his weight but giving no acknowledgement, just curling closer to the edge of the bed to be as far away from him as possible. You knew you could’ve gone to sleep in the guest room, but in your moment of stubbornness, you didn’t want to let him seemingly ‘win’ by driving you out of your bed.
You kept your eyes firmly closed and tried to force yourself to sleep, to just forget everything that had happened for the moment and deal with it in the morning, but you couldn’t. Your mind was a jumbled mess of emotions, and you were far too aware of every little noise and stirring in the room, even the rustle of the sheets seeming loud in the silence that was broken only by the labored beats of your heart.
You felt Yoongi turn over on his side of the bed, his breathing far more even paced than your own, which only added to your upset.
How could he sleep after everything that he’d said? How could he ignore the weight in the air that was pressing in on you, crushing your chest, making it increasingly impossible for you to draw a proper breath, slowly suffocating you in silence.
You felt the familiar sting of tears beginning to form in the corners of your eyes, and given your years of experience with panic attacks and anxiety, you knew exactly what was happening, but you kept quiet, not wanting him to catch you in a moment of vulnerability, of knowing you were crying.
You didn’t know how long you managed to keep the rising wave of emotion at bay, but when you glanced at the time on your phone it read 2am.
Making sure Yoongi was sound asleep before you moved, you quietly slipped out of bed and crept to the hall, thanking God that you had insisted on your shared apartment having extra rooms. You had claimed it was in case you had overnight guests, but you knew yourself well enough to know that if your anxiety issues got bad again, having extra rooms or spaces for you to be alone when you needed it would be vital.
It had been so long since you’d had a bad spell like this, but the routine was still there like muscle memory as you slipped into the guest room at the end of the hall; turning the fan and AC to the exact speed and temperature to create white noise but not be freezing, finding your favorite sad songs playlist and playing it at a very low volume, and pulling the covers up around you like a cocoon as you climbed into bed, praying that you could just fall asleep and not think for a few hours...
Around 3am, Yoongi rolled over, reaching for you out of habit but finding only cold sheets on your side of the bed.
His eyes snapped open in confusion, glancing around the room for any sign of you before memories of the night came crashing back over him.
The fight, the things you’d both said, the hurt and defeated look in your eyes as you’d walked away.
She left.
The words echoed in his mind like a slamming door, hard and final. His heart was thundering in his chest as he shot out of bed, phone gripped tight in his shaking hands, trying to call you.
He knew he said some shitty things earlier, and it had gotten really out of hand, but he couldn’t let it end this way.
He cursed himself internally, his words replaying in his head like a record. He’d known how much those things would hurt you, and yet he said them anyway. And then he let it be unresolved. He just gave up and let you walk away, all because of his stupid stubborn pride.
As soon as he stepped out in the hall, he could hear the music playing from the spare bedroom, a wave of relief washing over him as he turned on his heel towards the sound.
He didn’t even think twice before heading for the door. He didn’t care if you were mad, if you didn’t want to talk to him, he had to make this right. He couldn’t lose you, not like this.
You still weren’t asleep yet when you heard the door open, but you pretended anyway, not having the energy or heart to continue any sort of argument with Yoongi right now.
As soon as his eyes adjust to the darkness of the room, and sees the way you were curled up, the guilt washes over him again.
He knew you weren’t actually asleep, you’re on your side, not on your stomach with one leg hitched up in the way that always poked him in the back when he rolled over during the night to hold you.
His first instinct is to climb into bed and wrap himself around you, to hold you tight enough to make his heart stop hurting as he apologized for everything, but stops himself. He's known you for long enough to know that physical contact is really not something you're comfortable with when you're fighting.
So instead, he padded quietly around to the other side of the bed, where you were facing the wall, and simply sat down on the floor near your head, almost at eye level, if only you would open your eyes and look at him.
“Y/n…” He spoke softly, waiting for any sign of acknowledgement, but all he was met with was silence. “...I know you’re awake…”
You remained motionless, a convincing portrayal of sleep to anyone who didn’t know you.
He sighed. “Look, I know I shouldn’t have said any of those things to you earlier, I’m sorry… I feel awful for letting things get out of hand the way they did. Please let me fix this, I’m so, so sorry…”
Still nothing.
“Can you at least open your eyes and look at me, so I know you’re okay?” He asked quietly.
“Please, you can be mad at me, I don’t blame you, but… I can't sleep without you, it feels wrong… I love you…”
After what felt like hours, you finally peeked your eyes open, just a fraction.
“Go back to bed, Yoong. We can talk in the morning, but right now… I just need space…” You said tiredly, closing your eyes again, shutting him out of that little glimpse inside your world.
His breath caught in his throat as he stared at you, the ache in his chest growing in intensity, like someone had punched him. The painful sense of finality in your words, the thought of being exiled away from you when things were this fractured and broken, Yoongi couldn't take it. It would’ve been better if you just yelled at him, called him an asshole, anything, not this quiet and frozen silence.
He knew things were bad, he knew you were hurt and upset, and rightfully so, but this… this felt like you were giving up, on the fight, on your relationship, on him… It felt like something dying.
“N-no…”
He wasn’t even fully aware of what he was doing, his body moving on autopilot as he climbed into the bed, your back to his chest as he wrapped himself around you so tight his arms hurt, holding onto you like a lifeline, as if he is afraid you'll literally run away if he didn't.
“Please, no…” He pleaded, burying his face in your hair. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, please…”
You could feel him shaking, the first few tears that hit the back of your neck making your eyes sting instantly with tears as well. You hated when he cried, each ragged hitch of his breath like a knife to your chest.
You crumpled into his embrace, holding his hands in your own, crushing them to your chest to feel him closer.
“I’m sorry too…” You whispered weakly.
The two of you just lay there together for several minutes, letting all the tension and built up emotions that you’d been holding back pour out, just holding onto each other tightly.
Eventually, the wave passed and your breathing evened out, the two of you staying pressed together as the silence fell over you again, though this time it was much less heavy.
“I’m sorry, I didn't mean anything that I said…” He mumbled softly, voice still shaky from crying. “I was just… Things have just been so hard with the comeback-”
“I know, I know.” You comforted him gently, squeezing his hand that was resting on your hip. “I just… I don’t know how to make things better for you.”
“You don’t have to, just you existing makes things better for me.” He responded, burying his face in your hair as he spoke, savoring your familiar scent.
“But how am I supposed to feel when I see you come home so worn down and exhausted?” You argued. “Last week when I came home after my fight with my boss-”
“You had a fight with your boss?” He lifted his head, meeting your eyes with concern.
“Not a big one…” You said quietly. “He tried to blame me for something that went wrong on project, and I knew it wasn’t my fault, and it just escalated-”
“-When did this happen?” He interjected again, his eyes darkening at the thought of anyone giving you a hard time.
“Last week…” You answered, glancing down.
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because it wasn’t a big deal, I handled it, and you’d just got back from Jakarta and were tired-”
“I don’t give a damn about how tired I was, if something happens I want you to tell me.” He said
“Yoongi, you were practically passed out on the couch.” You argued. “If it had been something serious, I would’ve told you.”
He sighed, leaning his forehead against your back. “I just don’t like the thought of keeping things to yourself for my sake…” He said softly. “I’m your boyfriend, I’m supposed to be there for you.”
“I know, I just… I worry about you, I don’t wanna make your life more heavy.”
“Baby, the last thing you could do is make my life heavy.” He replied, nuzzling against your shoulder. “You bring so much light and joy into my world, even on our worst days, don’t ever doubt that.”
His gentle words made your eyes prick with tears again. “...I’m sorry.” You whispered.
He shushed you softly. “It’s okay, I get it, but please don’t shut me out, not when you’re hurting.”
You nodded softly. “Same goes for you…”
He hummed in agreement, kissing down your shoulder as he held you tightly, reverently, each tiny touch an apology and a promise. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” You whispered, melting into his hold.
You leaned further into his touch, head falling back against his shoulder to give better access to your neck as, hands reaching up to tangle in his hair, trying to hold onto him in some way as well, the subtle heat of his breath on the back of your neck stirring up a different flurry of emotions in the pit of your stomach, awakening a deeper need, to feel him close in every way possible.
“Yoongi…” You breathed out softly, making him tense behind you, heart pounding in his chest as he recognized the shift tone in your voice.
His touches became more insistent, gripping your hips possessively as he pressed harder against you, his lips trailing over your neck.
“Let me make you feel better,” He murmured, sucking a gentle mark on your neck."Let me love you.”
You let out a muffled sound that was very close to a whine, nodding as you pushed your hips back against his, feeling the way he was also becoming affected by the sudden change in energy, rolling your hips against him experimentally.
He groaned at the way you moved against him, helping guide your movements as he ground against you, everything about you so soft and warm and fucking perfect.
“God, I need you so bad…” He breathed, hands slipping to the waistband of your sleep shorts, hesitating for a moment in silent search of your permission, which you more than gave as you pushed them down yourself, shivering as his hands immediately began to explore the newly exposed skin.
“Fuck I’ve missed you, missed how good you feel.” He growled, hand trailing lower to caress the soft skin of your inner thighs.
“Yoongi, please.” You begged, moving against him wantonly, desperate for any bit of fraction.
“Yeah? You want me?” He questioned lowly, pushing his own pants down and freeing his already aching length. He needed you so bad, needed to have you in every way imaginable. “You sure?”
You nodded, rocking your hips back against him, allowing him to slip between your already slick folds, his tip catching at your entrance teasingly but not quite slipping in.
Yoongi felt like he had been touched with a livewire, a hiss slipping through his teeth as he tried to hold onto what little control he had. He wanted to take you slow, make you feel as loved and treasured as you were.
He let out a shuddering breath. “You’re sure?” He asked again, wanting to be absolutely certain before things got carried away.
“Mhm…” You hummed, eyes falling closed at the promise of relief, pressing your hips back more, trying to take more of him. “Please.”
He groaned softly at your response, body trembling with need and desire for you. The way you wanted him, the way you moved so sinfully perfect against him, the way you always seemed to make him lose his goddamn mind, it was almost too much to take.
He bit his lip, sinking into you slowly, feeling like his whole body was on fire with the way you felt around him.
You let out a whine as he filled you, covering your mouth to try and stifle your noises, but Yoongi was having none of that.
“Don’t.” He growled in your ear, pulling your hand away from your mouth in an almost bruising grip. “Wanna hear you, wanna know how good you feel.”
He gripped your hip tighter with his other hand, thrusting into you slow and deep, quickly finding a rhythm that had your eyes rolling back in your head.
“F-fuck, Yoongi…” You moaned, gripping onto his arms for dear life. You could feel him everywhere, around you, inside you. He was being so gentle with you, you could tell from the way he moved, rolling his hips into you rather than pounding into you like he usually did when he wanted to make you lose your mind. It was slow and soft, but that made it almost more intense, every little move a hundred times more potent.
“Fuck, love you so goddamn much.” He groaned, hips beginning to stutter as he got close, hand slipping between your thighs to find your clit and circling it furiously, wanting you to fall over the edge with him.
“Ah, god!” You jerked as if you’d been shocked, shaking and writhing in his hold as he pushed you closer to release.
“Come on baby, cum for me, let me have it.” He rumbled in your ear, nipping at the spot on your neck he knew was your weak point, sending you over the edge with a strangled cry of his name. He followed after you with a few more thrusts, spilling inside you with an almost pained groan from how tightly you were squeezing him.
“God, I can’t…” He shook his head, burying his face in your shoulder as he sucked in a ragged breath. “Are you okay?”
“Mhm, ‘m great…” You nodded, slightly dazed, chest heaving as you tried to catch your own breath.
He let out a weak chuckle, hugging you tightly. “Good.”
A comfortable silence fell over the both of you as you came down from your highs, nearly dozing off in his arms until you felt him shift slightly, preparing to pull out.
“stay…” You mumbled, holding onto his hip to keep him from pulling away, making his heart flutter at the sleepy yet tender gesture. “please?”
He nodded, settling back against you more comfortably, his arms looped around your waist to keep you close.
“I’ll stay.” He promised, his words meaning more than you could know, his mind wandering to the engagement ring box that was hidden in the back of his closet. He didn’t know how or when, but he knew he wanted to make you his forever. “I’ll stay.”
If you've been following me for a while, you know I had a lot happen this past year; I got engaged, went back to school, moved cross-country super suddenly, etc.
As such, money's been a bit tight, and I've been thinking about opening one for a while, but just hadn't the time, and I fully know things are ridiculous right now so it's truly just if you want to, but if you do, you can buy me a coffee here💜
There's no set amounts and absolutely no pressure, I'll still be writing and posting here as always, it's just a little way to help support me and the blog if you feel like it.
Oops, I realized I never posted this here. I did this a few days after their live. I was getting stressed with midterms and I needed something to distract myself…so I picked up my stylist.
As some of y’all have noticed, I've been mostly offline for the better part of two months, though before that I was posting less frequently, and even then it was shorter things like incorrect quotes.
Truthfully, this past year was really rough, and a lot of things happened that required me to take a step back from everything to recover and process. Even now, things are still pretty shaky, but one thing I do know is that I want to get back into writing and posting again.
Writing has always been a place of comfort and escape for me, and this blog has been such a source of joy and community that means so much to me, and I really want to reconnect with that again.
I’ll be starting off slow, hopefully one fic/blurb/etc a week(including reworking/updating a few old favorites), as well as posting incorrect quotes again, though they might not be daily for a bit, just to keep things manageable.
I love you all so much, thank you for your patience and understanding as I shift into this new phase in my life.
🪷hi all! my name is mary leigh and i am a writer inspired by all kinds of music. i like to write bts imagines based on songs i hear or have recommended to me, if that sounds like something you would enjoy feel free to send me an ask!
